In short
Jimmy Carr’s Crowdwork stop in Ann Arbor, Michigan, where he fields audience “three-point plans” to “fix the world,” plus improvised dating/relationship talk, jokes about accents, and crowd heckling.
Guest backgrounds
Naomi, a trauma therapist; Adam, who proposes the “three-point plan.”
Key claims
Adam argues for returning to the gold standard so wars are too expensive; he suggests student-loan “clawbacks” where high-earning degree holders repay, while “bullshit degrees” get money back; he adds “Topless Tuesdays.”
Notable examples
Jimmy riffs on Ann Arbor vs Ohio stereotypes; a “tech support” story leads to “smash or pass” advice to Martin (older woman); multiple flirtation and relationship exchanges, including a “side piece” jab and a “Princess Diana” quip.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOHeckler Interaction and The Three-Point Plan
0:44 to 14:33
Jimmy interacts with the audience, addressing questions and revealing his three-point plan to improve the world.
“Hello I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Hi, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork, where I sort of travel the world talking to crowds. It's an awful lot of fun. This is me in Ann Arbor and I get asked for a three-point plan on how to fix the world. And well, I pull something out of my house.
0:44Hello I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork. This time I'm in Folkestone and I'm kicking a guy out of the audience but his wife stays. Weird. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork where I talk to audiences. This is me in Philadelphia talking to... I don't know how it works over there, but I'm like... You don't know how it works over where I live? Yeah. Okay. It's not really... Who doesn't want to get married? Her! Your husband doesn't want to get married? Well, I don't think he's your husband then, is he?
1:27I don't want to nitpick. I think you might be someone's side piece.
1:38What are you saying? So, I live with a guy. You live with a guy? I was younger. My old ex-husband made a lot of money. Your old ex-husband made a lot of money. and you'll collect the social security.
2:02It's a weird sensation because I'm confused and bored.
2:09It's hard to deliver on both. This guy that's not marrying you now, I'm on his side.
2:26I don't know what's going on, but you seem fucking great. There's a point in there somewhere, but we've not got the time. Any other questions? What else have we got? Naomi. And what do you do, Naomi? I'm a therapist. You're a therapist? Right. I'll ask. The kind with a happy ending or a sad story about mum?
2:52What's that mean? You're a trauma therapist. Well, I'm glad you're here, Noemi, because there's a lady I know who's... who's got such terrible PTSD from her first husband making a lot of money she can't even finish a sentence.
3:16It's a terrible business.
3:23Go on, you've got your hand up. How polite are you? Go on. Do you like to dance? Do I like to dance? Yes, I do like to dance. What kind of music do you listen to? What kind of music do you listen to? Are we dating? What? Where are you from? You've got a very nice voice. Where are you from? Do you know about body? I know about what? Bad Bunny. Do I know about Bad Bunny? Yes. I do. Puerto Rico. There you go. You're from Puerto Rico. Just say that. Don't give clues.
4:14Do you know Bad Bunny? What? I am in kayak, but not in canoe. Why is there a riddle? Why does there need to be a story? Where did you eat in Ann Arbor? Where did I eat? I haven't eaten.
4:38A body like this doesn't just happen. I'm hungry a lot of the time. What do you love about American women? and why is it our accent? Wow, that's a very whiny voice to say that in.
5:00Why do you love my accent? Said the incredibly shrill lady. I think the guy that told you you had a beautiful voice was being sarcastic, madam. He was my British husband. It was your British husband. Yeah, he's been sarcastic Case closed
5:30Actually is a nice accent the American accent is nice. It's a mix of everything great.
5:37I Don't think you can say that anymore
5:53We're all finishing that joke in our head. Great. No need for me to get cancelled.
6:02Why don't I run for Parliament? Because I've got a better job.
6:13I think there's a bit... There's, like, people get tempted to run for office. I mean, I don't know. I can't imagine, like, a TV host becoming, like, president.
6:28This is my moment. I need a gold escalator and a dream.
6:35My husband raised his hand about being single after ten years of being married. And he's had a wife anymore. I haven't had a husband before. Okay.
6:50There's another lady down here. And I think... I think you two are going to get along great.
7:03Let's put them together and contain the problem.
7:08Hey, Chicago. Class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today.
7:41What'd you think? Trauma girl. Do you carry like a dart gun for these cases? Two for one. What do you think of Ann Arbor? What do I think of Ann Arbor? It's remarkable. It's very cute. Driving in, it feels a little bit like, hang on, this is too good to be true. Is this where the Stepford wives are going to live? How do you like Ohio? Ohio? Boom! Yeah. Wow. It's fascinating to me that people from Michigan think everyone from Ohio is a cunt, and everyone from Ohio thinks everyone from Michigan is a cunt. When will you realise?
8:32You have so much in common.
8:38No, seriously, go local sports team. I got a booty call by a woman 20, 30 years older than me after helping her with her computer. Real good tech support, apparently. I'm 28. Smash or pass? So... Where are you, sir? Where's Hi, what's your name my friend What's he Hi Martin, so you're in tech support So you've never touched a boob
9:18What I would suggest is 100 % smash She's an older woman She'll be beautiful, she'll know what she's doing I would say my advice to you man to man Is, and I'll put it in language you'll understand, Martin, as a tech support operative. When you get there, turn her off, and then turn her on again.
9:48Huh? Fucking 100 % fucking smash that. Are you a single man, Martin? Yeah. Yeah. Why would you not? Fucking great. I mean... Eh.
10:09Twenty years younger than you, that's the problem.
10:14Long time fan, first time cunt. But anyway, you have an exceptional view on the world and oddly enough, you're actually quite brilliant. Are you ever going to do anything with it or just be a dick your whole life? Sincerely, Princess Diana.
10:36I knew she didn't die. Er, I might do something with it. I don't know.
10:46Who's this from? Me!
10:54Well, what do you think I should do, sir? No, no, no, you're perfect doing that. I just wanted to be a dick.
11:05This guy.
11:13What, sorry? You're a fucking legend. Thanks, man.
11:20I think, though, I think it slightly touches on something. Like, you're really, oh, like, literally a legend.
11:30But I'm real, yeah? Yeah, I think it's an interesting point, though. I think we could all do more. I think the great mistake in life is to do nothing because you can only do a little. I think we could all do a little. I don't quite know what that involves. It's mainly dick jokes from me, but... Occasionally. Thanks, man. It's funny. Very fucking funny. Ah, what else we got? Hey Jimmy, what's your three point plan to unfuck the world and make it a better place? Adam. Oh. Oh, it's, ah. Where's Adam? Where are you, Adam? Here. Hi.
12:18Off the top of my head, I would go back on the gold standard and make money worth something because then wars would be too expensive to fight.
12:36Anyone in the last 30 years that got a bullshit degree gets their money back. If you study, I mean, it's the University of Michigan, amazing university. If you study medicine or law or accountancy and you got a job off the back of your degree that earned you more money, you've got to pay back your fucking student loan. If you got a bullshit degree in gender studies that got you nothing, you get your fucking check back from the university. Everything back. I think that's a pretty fucking good idea. And then... Fucking third point.
13:17I would go... Topless Tuesdays.
Read the full transcript
13:28Yeah. Yeah.
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From the publisher
Jimmy Carr gets a message from an audience member asking for his "three-point plan to fix the world."
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
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