In short
Jimmy Carr performs crowdwork in Milton Keynes, England, chatting with audience members about travel (including a fan from Missouri), comedy/heckling, taxes and politics, and provocative sexual topics (workplace sex, sexuality, and a “world record” for sex). He also includes jokes about HMRC, Trump, and inflation/gold ads.
Guest backgrounds
A Missouri attendee and her U.S. Air Force husband (wife Megan); a woman named Lauren who works at Screwfix; Danielle, a production operative working with leather goods; Bonnie Blue’s partner/relatives are referenced via her “12 hours/1,000 men” record; Nathaniel (celebrating his birthday) and his father; Jen-Jen (bisexual, “half rice, half chips”); and a friend Sam in Switzerland. Key claims/examples: “laughing like a donkey” translation joke; “HMRC locked up” fantasy; “world record” most men in 12 hours (1,057); workplace sex/disabled toilets jokes; “every hole’s a goal.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOCrowd Interaction and Jokes
0:42 to 2:50
Jimmy engages with the audience, sharing humorous interactions.
“Oh, sir, the disappointment in your voice.”
Discussing Military and Freedom
2:50 to 7:20
A humorous exchange about military service and freedoms.
“I just wondered if this was your first go.”
Travel and Performances
7:20 to 12:00
Jimmy talks about his tour, mentioning his shows in Canada and Missouri.
“Okay, on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th of January, I played four hockey arenas in a country called Canada.”
Engaging with Relationships
12:00 to 14:03
Jimmy humorously interacts with audience members about relationships.
“I don't know if you heard that at the back.”
Awkward Workplace Conversations
14:03 to 18:12
Jimmy engages with the audience about their work lives, leading to humorous discussions on sexuality in the workplace.
“Is that like a DIY place or a local brothel?”
Sexual Freedom and Judgment
18:13 to 20:08
The discussion shifts to societal views on sex and judgment associated with sexual experiences.
“I think it's like, I don't know, I presume she made a ton of money doing it, right?”
Audience's Personal Stories
20:09 to 22:46
Jimmy interacts with Nathaniel, a birthday boy, and humorously contemplates his future and aspirations.
“There's some slutty-looking women in here.”
Comedy and Caricatures
22:47 to 25:22
Jimmy shares stories about fellow comedian Frankie Boyle and engages in humorous banter about appearance and stereotypes.
“We sort of started around the same time.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Jimmy Carr Crowdwork, the podcast where I do crowdwork. Yeah, obviously. This is me in Milton Keynes talking to a lady who came all the way from Missouri.
0:41Enjoy. Jimmy! Yeah? I thought you liked men, not women. You thought I liked men, not women? Oh, sir, the disappointment in your voice.
0:54I realise you have probably shouted that out with just a salt bay pinch of homophobia there but you've made yourself sound incredibly fucking gay, mate
1:08Oh no, he's got all these stories about fucking girls
1:14No, it doesn't matter, I'm just I thought he might like me
1:25I like girls.
1:30Like you pretend to.
1:36Why do you laugh backwards? Why do I laugh backwards? I mean, that is a great question. I have a theory on this. Okay, now, I can't swear to it, but you've all seen the movie Aladdin, right? and the guy rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and he grants the kid a wish obviously the genie is from the Middle East right Alibaba and the 40 thieves it's all that kind of thing right so there's going to be a language barrier I think at some point I met a genie and I got a wish and now there's been a mix-up in translation and instead of being hung like a donkey I laugh like one
2:24How long have you been a comedian? How long have I been a comedian? Eh... What is it? Sorry, you're not from HMRC, are you? I've got to... You've got to be super... Be super fucking careful here. You're gonna start dragging up cash-in-hand gigs. Look, you ain't seen me, right? If anyone asks, you ain't fucking seen me. I think, like, 25 years? I just wondered if this was your first go. You just wondered if this was the first go? Oh.
3:04This motherfucker thinks I don't have jokes about cripples.
3:15I don't even fucking like vegetables.
3:25Hang on. I've got a friend in as well. Where's my... Where's the other guy? Huh? You haven't got a friend. Oh. Colleagues. Where is he? I'm up here. You're up there? Okay, hey, how are you? You all right? I've got a mate of mine at the show. He's also in a chair. And if you're up for it, Robot Wars? Do you wanna...
4:00He's gonna fuck you up. Not that you aren't already fucked up.
4:08Battle of the broken toys, come on.
4:15Sorry, there's a couple of very nice ladies in the front row going, are we allowed to laugh at this? Yeah, of course you're fucking allowed.
4:22Can you please heckle my mate Alan for pissing on my daughter's bedroom floor after a night on the lash? Mark.
4:33Alan? Alan? Hi, Alan. If you're going to do water sports with your mate's daughter, put a fucking sheet down or something.
4:46It's a disgraceful set of affairs. Did you think you were walking into the bathroom? No, we were sleeping. You were sleeping? Not with his daughter. Not with his daughter.
5:01I feel social services need to get involved. You were sleeping and you've done a wee?
5:10You need to get your prostate checked.
5:23Yeah, you need to get yourself fingered, mate. There's no... Sorry, you had to hear it from me. How old are you? 53. 53. About the same age as me. Have you had your prostate checked recently? No. Right. A very nice doctor is going to finger your bum. You are not going to love it. That's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario, at 53 years you go, Ooh.
5:58I feel alive.
6:03That's going to be a lot of admin. in. Good luck. What's it like to pay tax? I don't mind paying tax, especially when our country is in such safe hands. I mean, for fuck's sake. What a fucking limp dick that guy is. Every two of you... What's the word? You did say president first, though, didn't you? I know. I know you corrected yourself. I know I know you did! I know, it's such a shame isn't it? I should run for Prime Minister. Oh, those tax rates would be low.
6:48I think I might win, I think people might get in the booth and go, fuck it, this guy's... this guy's on our side.
7:02Oh, can you imagine? Place it be.
7:09Yeah, we're scrapping all that. HMRC have now been locked up. What? Why aren't you coming to Canada, forcing me to come here? Why aren't I coming to Canada? With this tour. Okay, on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th of January, I played four hockey arenas in a country called Canada.
7:39But before that, before, like, two weeks ago, before that, I'd only been there in November, October and September of the previous year, playing a total of 12 shows, count them across the fucking country.
8:02You've come here to see me. What have you got, a carbon footprint like a fracking Wookiee?
8:15It's on the website, sir. Fucking search it before you go buying a plane ticket.
8:23Hey Jimmy, my best mate Sam has had a horrible year. His engagement broke off and soon after he had a motorbike accident that nearly killed him and left him in a rehab centre for two months. As laughter is the best medicine, can you laugh at him for me please? Thanks. This shouldn't be a problem. Where's Sam? Where are you Sam? He's in Switzerland but he's my friend. He's in Switzerland but he's your friend. And is he, should we send him a message? Yeah, I think he's got nothing else to do. He's got nothing else to do. Do you want to call him? Is he there? He might answer. Well, if he answers, we'll say hello.
8:57He's ringing. He's ringing.
9:02Should we just leave a message? Yeah? Tell me when to start.
9:14Sam? Hi, Sam. She left you because you can't ride a bike, you fucking idiot.
9:32Someone had their hand up over there. Go on, what's... I was wondering why you spell your name with two R's. You're wondering why I spell my name with two R's. Hello. No?
9:51That's a fair question. It's the anglicised version of an Irish name. O 'Coral. So at some point, my country was colonised by the British, and a lot of people changed their names to sound more British. And so the O 'Coral... It should be Seamus O 'Coral Jimmy Carr. That's kind of a lie. Fine. Where are you from? I'm from Missouri. You're from Missouri? In America. In America, yes. There's no other Missouris. That is the only Missouri. You don't really need to qualify with a... In America. From the world. What are you doing in Milton Keynes? Your travel agent's something of a cunt, isn't he? Jesus.
10:35No.
10:41No offence to the fine city of Milton Keynes. I mean, you've got a lot of roundabouts in Milton Keynes. Have you noticed that, sir? A lot of roundabouts. You know why they've got a lot of roundabouts? Because the council here are at least honest. And they're saying to people that are visiting, are you sure? Are you sure you could... Honestly, if you want to turn around, you could be back on the motorway in seconds. Are you sure? And then half a mile down the road, you sure you're sure? Because you could... There's nothing going on here. What are you doing here, my friend? I came to see you. You came to see me?
11:24Alright, the Canadian, you're off the hook.
11:29Thanks very much. Who are you here with? My wife, Megan. Hi, Megan. How are you? Are you from Missouri as well? Yeah. OK. It was very nice to see you. Are you doing anything else while you're in the UK?
11:49I've got terrible news about my American tour. And the fact I'm coming to Missouri in June. I'll see you again. Okay. Thank God. What do you do for a living, my friend? Military. Oh, you're in the military? Well, thank you for your service. What bit of the military are you in? The Air Force. The Air Force? The U.S. Thank you for your service. I like... I don't know if you heard that at the back. U.S. Air Force in. Any freedoms that you might take for granted? Down to that guy putting his life on the line. Fucking great. But I like the fact he said Air Force, U.S. Air Force. Like, just to clarify, I'm not in Al-Qaeda.
Read the full transcript
12:34Don't worry about that. Fucking great, man. Nice to have you here. I think there's something to say about America. Obviously, you've got Trump, right? Yeah, Trump. Also, the great news, he's very orange, Donald. Have you ever seen... This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.
13:15Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Can I'm up close? Bright orange. He's been fucking tango. He's very... Technically, he is the second person of color to become president.
13:35You are my girlfriend's crush. Pretty sure she's thought about you while we've been going at it. Her name is Lauren Knight... something. Yes, it's a stupidly long name. Also, we're here with our boss, and he doesn't know we're together. Oh, where's Lauren? Can we turn up the lights? Where's... Can I have a look at Lauren? Where are you, Lauren? It turns out, Lauren. I don't think she's like... She's not for everyone. Lauren, where are you, Lauren? Hi, Lauren. So what do you do for a living, Lauren? I work at Screwfix. You work at Screwfix?
14:20Is that like a DIY place or a local brothel?
14:26Screwfix would be a great name for a brothel, wouldn't it? So have you guys, and I hate to put you on the spot here, but have you ever fucked at work? Oh, she's checking with him if it's okay to say. You're not checking with him to say, ha, ha, ha. Well, look, this is a lovely thing. Because in the papers, right, if you read the mainstream media, you will only ever see stories about sexual harassment in the workplace going badly. sometimes you honk someone's tits and grab their pussy at work and they like it screw fix
15:13the name's in the fucking title I love it it's lovely to have you here who's the lucky guy oh nice I hope you're very happy together and who's the boss, where's the boss don't be a dick about this don't be a dick about it sometimes he's going to have to fuck her in the disabled toilets that's just that phase of the relationship is probably the first two years absolute maximum just fucking look the other way
15:46don't be a dick about it it's what the disabled toilet's for isn't it? If you're not using it, they get to fuck in it.
15:55That's what that handrail's for, isn't it? That's for more exotic positioning. You don't fucking need that. You'll be fine. He's fine with it. You're good. All right. Are there lesbians? Where are the lesbians? Hello? I can't just call you the lesbians. What's your name? Danielle. Danielle? All right, Danielle. I've got next level gaydar. Not only can I tell you're gay, Danielle, I can tell you're the one wearing the strap on.
16:24I'm not playing you at pool. You sound like a force to be reckoned with, Danielle. What do you do for a living, Danielle? I'm a production operative. A production officer. Operative. Operative. A production operative. Well, I know both those words. But I don't know what you do. Gorm, what does that mean? I work for a company called Smice and I work in with Leather Goods. You work with Leather Goods?
16:59Danielle, be honest with me, you heard it as soon as you said it, didn't you? I work with Leather Goods. Who's been a naughty girl? I was right about the strap-on, wasn't I? Now what do you think of Bonnie... What do I think of Bonnie Blue? Have I had a stroke? I can't smell toast. I've no idea what... What, sorry? The young girl that's just slept with a thousand men. The young girl that's just slept with a thousand men? What, in how many hours? Twelve hours. Twelve hours. Oh, as if I was going to go, what, the full 24 hours? I'm not that impressed. Twelve hours. Interesting. Well, I don't know, we're very judgy about such things.
17:48But we've all seen hot dog eating contests. It's no different. Fucking hell. Alright mate, your mum's been in the news.
18:05The show started.
18:13I'm pretty sex positive. I wouldn't judge her for that. I think it's like, I don't know, I presume she made a ton of money doing it, right? It's a weird thing as well. I think there's an odd thing where we slut shame because of numbers. Like, okay, so imagine someone goes on honeymoon and they get fucked for 12 hours straight by their fiancé, or by their husband, right, on the honeymoon. We're not judging that, right? It's all, oh, tremendous. You had a lot of sex over that weekend. Well done. But if you have 12 hours of sex with a thousand random guys, her cunt must be ruined. It's the fucking same thing.
18:55I think you should do it.
19:04You'll think about it. Do you mind me asking, madam, and I know this is a personal question, have you got kids? Yes. How many you got? Two. Oh, come on, it's a skydiver's mouth. You're wrong. Most of the fellas won't touch the sides.
19:20You had caesareans. Whore. Sorry, you didn't see that. That's so good. Her other half just went...
19:32That's... Oh. That's a bit of true love right there. Um... Was she trying to break a record? She got the world record? What for? Most disappointed dad?
19:49Got the most... The most men in 12 hours? Okay, sorry. She broke the world record for most men in 12 hours with 1 ,000 men. Okay. 1 ,057. Okay. In second place, two. She really fucking overcorrected there, didn't she?
20:14Ha! That's... that's not great. Oh,
20:23wow.
20:26And, er... There's some slutty-looking women in here. Why don't we ask... What's your best day?
20:39One...
20:45This has been slow, has it?
20:50One a day, every day. That's me. Great question. Happy 18th son, Nathaniel. Not a day goes past where I don't wonder if your mum should have swallowed you. I don't remember. That would have gone. cost 50 pounds extra, Dad, or am I?
21:16This is excellent. Where's Nathaniel? Where are you, Nathaniel? Where's Nathaniel? Hi. Your dad's a fucking legend, mate. The man that's 90 % sure he's your dad is a fucking legend. What are you doing, Nathaniel? Go to college. You go to college. What's your plan for life? What are you going to do? Go to uni. Go to uni. I've got shocking news. There is life beyond that. What do you think? What do you want to be?
21:59Has this not come up before? No one's ever taken any interest. Okay, go on, what are you thinking? What are you going to study at uni, Nathaniel? Sports science. Sports science? Alright, I'll put not the brightest. Oh, kick a ball.
22:20Sports science, what do you want to be? A PE teacher? I know what I like and I like kids.
22:30Well, good on you, whatever you do. Happy birthday, man. I think it's not Frankie Boyle. What's that mean? I dare you to insult Frankie Boyle. You dare me to insult Frankie Boyle? Why would I insult Frankie Boyle when I can see you?
22:46You look like a before photo for something. I like Frankie. We sort of started around the same time. We used to write on a show called, you remember Distraction? Does anyone remember that? I'm showing my age now. It's like 22 years ago. We used to make this crazy TV show and Frankie was one of the writers on it. That's when I first met him. He's a fucking hilarious dude. I mean, he's quite pale and ginger. Are there ginger people in? Some offence, yeah. That's fucking ginger there, isn't it? Look at that. As if you get sunburnt by a crescent moon.
23:25Factor 50 for you just to look in the fridge.
23:31You need a balaclava to check your iPhone
23:36You look like an x-ray of a regular person
23:43What's your best Sean Locke story? I remember once we were having a conversation It was like apropos of nothing We weren't on stage It was just a couple of us hanging around in a bar And he went I fucked a homeless woman I went, what, Sean? I went, you know, I fucked the homeless woman. I said, well, what happened? He said, well, I was walking past this homeless woman, I didn't have any change, and you can't just give him nothing.
24:13You're a fucking lunatic. Why are you still fucking homeless women? Am I still fucking homeless women? Have you just come to? Have you...
24:24Yeah, of course I am, yeah. The great thing about fucking a homeless woman, drop her off anywhere.
24:32I once saw a homeless guy getting off a bus, and I thought, well, how does he know it's his stop?
24:39Shout out to my bisexual missus who won't give me a threesome but got me tickets for Christmas. Cheers, Jen-Jen. Where's Jen-Jen? Where are you, Jen-Jen? Up here. Up here, bet she is, yeah, right. Every hole's a goal. So, Jen-Jen, are you bisexual? Hello! Hi. I like the northern term for bisexual. They don't say bisexual in the north, they say, half rice, half chips.
25:15Inflation is a lot like my girlfriend. Hard to understand, it'll eat away at your savings, and it's big in South America. That's why I buy gold. And you can too, at the Pure Gold Company. You can buy gold as a store of wealth, as a hedge against the risk of inflation, or because you're worried about political instability. And if you tell them that I sent you, you get six months storage free. So there's that. Also, if you tell them I sent you, they will give me a tiny little fraction of the gold that you buy. So, you know, I'm in this for the money. In all seriousness, if you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company.
25:53Just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co slash jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them, and you'll get six months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free. I'm very good to you. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. I hope you enjoyed that clip. And if you want to come and see me live, just click the link below and buy tickets. It's perfect for anyone that likes a laugh and has normal sexual interests. So if that sounds like you, click the link, buy some tickets. And if that's not you, then, well, I don't know what to suggest.
26:29Maybe search for some stuff on the dark web, you perv. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.
From the publisher
Jimmy chats to an American couple who travelled from Missouri to Milton Keynes just to see Jimmy. That's some travel agent...
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
If you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company:
https://pure-gold.co/jimmy
Just click the link in the description to get your free copy of their investor guide.
Mention my name when you speak to them and you’ll get 6 months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.
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