"Have You Ever Done Mushrooms?!" - Dorking, England

0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. This is Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. Why? Chat to crowds. It's that easy. This one's called, Have You Ever Done Mushrooms? I was in Dorking doing a show, and who did I chat to? I chat to a former therapist, a historic coin dealer, and someone that wanted to know about psychedelics.

0:46So, I did my best. Why did you choose that hairstyle? Why did I choose this hairstyle? It was just, it's easier to screw on. Which, well, I mean, I don't fucking know. I used to have like a big like quiff and then I thought, ah, I don't know. What's your name, madam? Bonnie. Bonnie, all right. And you've gone with just fucking absolutely fucking straight hair down to there. I mean, talk about fucking factory settings.

1:19How are things downstairs?

1:23Do the curtains match the carpet or? No, it's a laminated flooring, is it? He likes a clean work surface. Fine. You can eat your dinner off that. Good, thanks for sharing. What about the other half? What do you do, sir? You're a coin dealer. Are we in biblical times?

1:47Are you worried about some hippie turning over your table? This is my father's house. What? You're a numismatist. Anything 2 ,000 years old. Anything 2 ,000, so you deal in old coins. So what's the most expensive coin you've sold? What's the... £6 ,250. £6 ,250. That was not a 50pp, so I'm guessing. Alexander the Great. I had what? Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great. Stater. On a gold coin. On a gold coin, Alexander the Great. Okay. Okay. You know, fun fact for you, Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh, you know what they have in common? Same middle name.

2:41Well, you fucking write some Alexander the Great material. I fucking know.

2:51I don't know what's going to come up. A coin dealer, that's fucking... OK. Kind of interesting, yeah. I mean, we've sort of run out of conversation now, but yeah. To a point, yeah. Vladimir Putin. Vladimir Putin? I don't think he's nice. Yeah, controversial opinions. I'm not going to say anything about fucking Putin. I'm not an idiot.

3:22He kills motherfuckers. You have been in therapy. Have I ever been in therapy? Yeah, a little bit. I like cognitive behavioural therapy. I think every therapist should have to say to you on the first meeting, do you know this isn't the only type of therapy? Sorry, it's quite a serious answer to what could have been a fun question. Sorry. Are you suggesting I need therapy because these jokes are quite dark? What do you do for a living, sir? I was a therapist. You were a therapist, yeah. He's trying to... He's trying to drum up business. This guy's fucking minted. I'll be his therapist. You were a therapist, and what do you do now?

4:02Pass. Pass. These aren't the droids I'm looking for? What do you mean, pass? I'm fucking intrigued now. I've worked for the NHS. You work for the NHS, but no longer as a therapist? No, no. Okay. Okay, so what do you do for the NHS now? Support innovation. You support innovation? Oh, look, they built a rocket. Yay! The fuck are you talking about, you support innovation? We all support innovation. Oh, well done, Elon, it might go to Mars.

4:44So you had a job where you were helping people, and you thought, fuck it. What we need is more innovation. We'll talk more about therapy later. What's your favourite memory from university? Favourite memory from university? Uh... Eh... Eh... Eh... Eh...

5:10Eh... I... Eh... It's hard to think of one that's repeatable. It was a different era. I'll come back to that.

5:27Maybe it would probably be Stephen Hawking related.

5:33What? There was a college with Stephen Hawking. Very good guy. He's died now, obviously. I think it was a virus. We're not sure whether a computer virus or... He's got antibiotics.

5:53What? He was a mate. I remember taking him to a gig. What the fuck are you... What? Could you stop finger-blasting yourself for a minute? The lady down here is fucking stabbing the cat.

6:17I very much liked Stephen Hawking, I liked meeting him when we were at university, and then I sort of, I became friends with him sort of later on. Towards the end, we used to go out a lot. I know it's a weird thing, but we used to go out a lot, and it was fun. I took him to see the Book of Mormon. And you know the musical, The Book of Mormon? And then we met the cast afterwards, and obviously Stephen, he's got one cheek muscle that works, So we couldn't say anything to the cast. So I went, oh, he's actually very religious. And obviously Stephen was going, oh, what the fuck? I went, yeah, he's found God.

6:52Basically, if you want to know what I actually talked to Stephen Hawking about, we were friends, tits. He was a big tits guy. He used to like it when I had a party at my house if a lady with enormous tits came to say hello to him because he was in a wheelchair and they would have to bend down and he would get a face full of titties and you might know him best as a physicist, but he was a bloke.

7:18Have I ever done magic mushrooms?

7:23Yeah, man, what are you holding? Yeah, I've done drugs, yeah. I've done all the drugs. Are there young people in? Are there people under the age of 18? Give us a shout. Yeah. Don't be gay, try drugs.

7:41Are you a big mushrooms guy? Not a big one. I'll assess. What do you do for a living, sir? You're a tree surgeon.

7:56I give you the opening sequence of casualty. Here's things that shouldn't mix. I'm a tree surgeon. I also enjoy magic mushrooms

8:19And we're off

8:23Who's my role model? Uh, Bonnie Blue

8:31Well, you know, I'm trying to be a massive cunt Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands For the super athletic stuff Like running gear for cruising up the trail Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff Like fishing gear for chilling by the creek Nice cast Fitness apparel to push for higher reps You got this And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one Or a few Head to Sierra or Sierra.com For the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all From athletic to athletic, Sierra's got it. She's delivered on that promise. Christ. Like a collapsed mine shaft, I would imagine.

9:17What do you think about climate change? Oh, what, sorry? What do you think about climate change? What do you think about climate change? We used to call them seasons.

9:30I'm pretty...

9:34I'm pretty down there. I think it's kind of undeniable the climate is changing, but what the fuck are we going to do? If we go to net zero in the UK and fuel gets more expensive, we're kind of fucking ourselves, and we're 2 % of global output. So, I don't know. I'm a bit of a techno guy. I think they should build small nuclear power plants in every town in Britain. This is genuinely my opinion, right? You know, because we've already tested this, right, on nuclear submarines. They've had nuclear-powered submarines and guys, like 50 guys, living in that sub for the last 70 years. And those guys are fine, right?

10:13We should get one of those in every single town. And we should say they're expensive to build. But in 20 years' time, electricity is going to be free in Britain. I don't know anything about the future, but I can't imagine a future where power is not massively fucking important in 20 years' time. And so everyone will come to us. Be free. It's a good idea, isn't it? Okay, let's do that. I don't know. I don't know. But maybe, the alternative is, maybe if we get enough tomato soup on a Van Gogh.

10:44Maybe that'll make the difference. Who are those cunts? What are they? Anti-soup or anti-painting? I don't know what the fuck their problem is, but I did have an environmental idea, actually. So, okay. So the environmental movement says there's overpopulation. There's too many people on the face of the earth. So what can we do? I'll tell you what you can do. Health and safety. What about if we get rid of all health and safety until there's a manageable amount of people on the planet? It's doubly good because not only do you get rid of half the population, right? You also only get rid of the fucking dummies.

11:22What happened? Your husband fell off a cliff because there was no sign. Will we miss him? oh I'm afraid your husband died well he jumped in the lion enclosure because there was no railing right well we found something for him to do he was lion food let's face it have you ever seen one of those signs like saying no diving in the hot tub the reason there's a sign is because some fucking idiot did it fine let him do it take him out of the fucking gene pool Never mind the hot tub.

12:01I think it's a good idea. My friend Alex lost his job today, telling him he's a loser. Where's Alex? Where are you, Alex? Where's Alex that lost his job? Hi. What was the job, Alex? Head of Finance. Head of Finance? Oh, Alex. Have you considered retraining? Because head of finance, great fun, but it's not very outdoorsy. Some trees get overgrown. And they need to be cut back and there's money in it. There's money in it. And I know a local tree surgeon who dies soon.

12:49In a chainsaw tasting. Oh, look delicious. Who are you working for? What was the company? I can't say I've got a settlement going on. You can't say you've got a settlement going on? Oh, you'll be fucking fine. Put your feet up.

13:07Good luck. It's a fucking hard thing. You're not mate. You lose up.

13:16Your replacement is in. Hi Jimmy. I'm at the 9.30 show and I'm with my Nan for her 90th. Can you give a special shout? Her name is Sue Costello. Where's Sue? Hi, Sue. Are you 19? No. But the fucking mileage on it...

13:44Bonnie Blue, that was you back in the day, wasn't it? But how old are you? 74 what that'll fucking do with good behaviour and is this your that's your grandson you must be very disappointed he looks like a chap what's your name mate Ben what do you do Ben I was right go on what do you do Ben You're doing A-levels in politics and economics? I thoroughly approve. Good on you. Politics and economics. What are you going to do with your life? What's your plan? Run as an MP? Excellent. I can't see a problem. I think you should join reform, but then I'm prejudiced.

14:53That's a pretty good guy. Actually, probably half a dog in her thinking, some bloody good ideas. And what kind of a house do you get when she goes?

15:05Yeah, Nana, I'll take you to a show. I'm your favorite, remember? Can I have everything? Do you own your house? Yes. Is it nice? What's the way? I'm taking my bags. You're treating your... You bought the tickets. Well, of course you bought the tickets. He hasn't got a fucking pot to piss in, though. He wants you dead so he can have your house.

15:34You're in danger. You stupid old woman. He's going to kill you. He's clearly a fucking sociopath. He wants to be a politician. Ben's thought to himself, I'm a bit of a cunt, I'm going to lean into it

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16:37That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of secure storage for your bullying absolutely free. Yeah, I'm very good to you. They say laughter is good for the immune system. It's true. They did the research. It's all in a study. So basically, I can heal you without touching you. I'm basically like Jesus, if he decided to dress properly. Same initials as well. Yeah, come and see me live. Click the link below. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work?

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