Heckler Wants to See Jimmy In Lycra! - Reading, England

0:00This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork, a podcast where I do crowdwork. This time I'm in Plymouth and I'm ridiculing a student for being too obsessed with penguins.

0:39Although, I would say penguins are cute. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Jimmy Carr Crowdwork, this time from Reading. I talk about everything in this one, from my personal grooming habits, wearing lycra while cycling for middle-aged men, and my past experiences in Reading. Enjoy. Boy, I'm a virgin! What's that mean? I'm still a virgin! Am I still a virgin? Yes! Ah, I don't know if technically I touched the sides when I fucked your mum, because she's got... So... I don't know. She's got such a fucking bucket cunt on her, I...

1:23Alright? Did that go how you planned?

1:32Do I shave my balls? No! I have a little Filipino guy comes in on a Tuesday.

1:43And shaves my balls. Are you people still shaving your own balls? Oh, no, no. I like it. I like it when he talks me off. What's his number? As if you could fucking afford it. Stop it. Um... Keep everything nice and tidy down there, but I mean, I'm I'm smoother like action man. You can imagine.

2:16Watch out what and your career. Are you texting this?

2:31Are you educationally subnormal? Something about a... What's a word? Posh cunt. Well, I mean, it's all relative, isn't it? I mean, compared to you, who isn't fucking posh?

2:49I just can't understand what you're saying, my friend.

2:56What eight words could I come up with to end my career? I don't know. Retard, retard, retard, retard, retard, retard, retard, retard.

3:10Ah! Ah! What's wrong? Do I cycle in Lycra?

3:25No. But if you've been thinking about that, you treat yourself. You have a little stab at the cat. Oh, he's in Lycra. He's making quips on a bike. Ah.

3:43Yeah. I love to put Lycra on. Middle-aged men love to put Lycra on. I'm gay. Not this guy.

3:54I'm not a Lycra guy.

4:01You think she wants a wanker of me? I literally just said that, my friend. Don't panic, my hotel has a cuck chair, you'll be very comfortable. I think of Reading. What do I think of Reading? Come on. Some of these poor cunts live here. I've got a real soft spot for Reading. I used to come here every Sunday night. There was at the Majestic Club on a Sunday. Had an indie night. It was fucking excellent. It's great. I mean, if you like fingering slags, it was a brilliant talent.

4:36You just gave him a look when I said fingering slags, like... How adorable. Yeah, I like it round. My mum's 70th birthday today, Jan, thanks. Love her best child, Jodie. Where's Jan? Where's Jan? You're here? I thought you'd be down the front. I thought you would've walked towards the light.

5:04I'm very grateful that everyone's here. I appreciate you spending an evening with me, especially a Saturday night, fucking, it's lovely. But Jan, to spend your last night... 70 is no age. What do you do, Jen? Nothing. You're retired. But before you were a burden.

5:22What did you do, Jen? What's that? Admin. Admin. Of course you fucking did. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans. You're a legend. And is this your favorite kid? Yeah. You just got one.

6:08How many have you got? Two. Two.

6:14The other one took you to see Peter Cairn. You got kicked out. We're glad to see him as well. What, sorry? We're glad to see him as well. It's a great fucking show, isn't it? Good on you. Happy birthday, James. She's 70. Very nice to have you here. Thanks for coming out. What else have we got? Jimmy, I hope you have paid your insurance tonight as you have a type 1 narcoleptic in the audience With cataplexy don't worry. I've taken a double dose of medication. Oh, where's who's got who's got who's the narcoleptic? You're narcoleptic. It's very nice to have you here my friend. My mother was narcoleptic Also, my best friend was narcoleptic a college what medication you on?

7:04What about have you tried Modafenil? I'm a huge fan of Modafenil. I I do a bunch of fucking Modofenil. And I haven't gotten narcolepsy. It's fucking incredible, isn't it? The French military invented a drug in the 1970s for their pilots, so they could sort of operate for 72 hours without any sleep. And it's like not speedy, it's not like it doesn't give you the jitters, it's got no side effects. Listen, can you buy some? I've got fucking loads backstage, mate, don't worry about it. And what happens then? Because you haven't got the weird laugh. You just fall asleep. Oh, he did get... Oh, he's full over a lot.

7:44Yeah. So, okay. People might not know what narcolepsy is. I think it's interesting. So, my mother had a weird laugh. So, my mother made no noise at all when she laughed. She would just, like, melt. Do one of those. So, my whole childhood was making her laugh. Especially when she was driving. She shouldn't have been driving. If she was driving, we'd say something funny, and then you'd have to take the wheel and kind of... It's fucking great. Great to have you, man. You'll be fine. Hi, Jimmy. Please can you shout out to my husband, Jim, who is having to do my horses for me morning and night as I've had a hand operation.

8:30It doesn't come naturally to him, so he's appreciating what hard work horses are. Thanks, Kate. This feels like a very backhanded thank you. Where's Kate and Jim? Hi, Kate. You all right? What happened to the hand? Carpal tunnel. Carpal tunnel? All right, Jim. You fucking legend. You're not the only one with the horse's cock, are you? Yeah. So carpal tunnel, well that's no fucking joke. And then, how many horses have you got? Two. Two. It's hard to tell talking to you, because only two types of people have horses. It's the very rich and the very poor. You never meet a middle class person with a nice horse, do you?

9:16Fucking wealthy people, fucking poor people. Could be either. Has your horse ever been in a lift? No? Posh. Well, well done, Jim. Mucking out the fucking horses. What do you do for a living, Jim? I work in IT. Do you? I know your hand's bothering you, but maybe suck him off?

9:51Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. Thanks for listening. Now, I know you're thinking, how can I be more like Jimmy? Well, off the top of my head, you could have cosmetic surgery, a hair transplant, and get your teeth pimped. But also, you could buy gold. Gold has retained its value over the years far more so than cash. And it comes with less anxiety than crypto or Pokemon card investments. I buy gold with a pure gold company, and you can too. Now, obviously, I'm not a financial advisor, so, you know, go and see one of those before you invest all your money in gold. And then, you know, go buy gold. In all seriousness, if you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company.

10:33Just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co slash jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them, and you'll get six months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free. Yeah, I'm very good to you. Oh, hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. And if you think that completely free video was funny, then just imagine how hilarious the stuff is I actually charge for. If you want to find out, I click below and buy a ticket to come and see me live. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast.

11:09Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.