Jimmy Carr Crowd Work: Greenland, Trump and the Epstein Scandal - Christchurch, England

0:00This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork, where I talk to crowds. This is me in Christchurch, New Zealand, talking about Donald Trump and Epstein and Greenland.

0:40And, yeah, I think I've got a pretty good idea. Why have I got bags under my eyes? I've just flown from London, you cunt. I don't know what you want from me.

1:00I like, I think, also, incredibly gay thing to shout, sir.

1:07How was the show last night? Ah, no, jokes were good, but, uh, fucking half a slice of cucumber wouldn't go a fucking miss.

1:16Fucking... All right, don't cry. Have you ever had a wax and a bleach? Have I ever had a what? Wax and a bleach. A wax and a bleach.

1:32I think we found the straightest gay guy in the world.

1:39Bags under his eyes, we found you a friend.

1:50Greenland, that's the thing today, isn't it? Greenland. I'll tell you what I would do if I was Greenland. Now, obviously, Epstein Island is kryptonite to Donald Trump, right? That's the only thing he can't deal with, Epstein Island. So if I was running Greenland, I would lower the age of consent to 12 and rename it Pedo Island and then give Donald Trump a call and go, are you interested now?

2:30That might fucking work

2:36You think I should have worn shorts

2:43No

2:47No, I would say I would say there is I mean it's fucking scandalous how the men dress in this country

2:56It's genuinely... Look at you, you're a fucking disgrace.

3:03Some offence. What's this? What was going on? You were getting too much pussy? I think I've always some beige cargo shorts that are exactly the same colour as my legs.

3:22some socks that have seen better days and some dirty shoes I think that might keep them at bay fucking mission accomplished mate

3:37hi Jimmy if you were asked to butter the crusts of a loaf of bread would you assume it was the two end slices or the entire outside of the loaf asking for a friend. Jessica.

4:11This is filthy, right? I mean, I don't even understand the analogy, but this is clearly fucking filthy. Right, Jessica, right here, Jessica? Hi. It's the two end slices. I think very clearly the two end slices. Is that what you think, Jessica?

4:34Did you butter a whole loaf of bread? Bit of good news, we found you a friend.

4:46Plastic spastic meet buttered bread.

4:54Christ, I hope they don't breed. Hey Jimmy, I wanted to tell you about the time I gave birth to my first child. I went nine months not knowing I was pregnant, and I gave birth to him on the toilet at home. Whore. Where are you? What? Was it there? Hello? Hi. So you were pregnant, you were nine months pregnant and you didn't know? Yes. Okay. Are you, I mean I can't see you because, but...

5:37you're not a skinny bitch are you we know that

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6:53Oh yeah, I'm just going to take a dump. Fuck it. I'll be with you in a minute. I've had a fucking baby.

7:05That is extraordinary. Now, have you got any idea how this happened?

7:16Him. Yeah, you reckon.

7:27Do you think you got pregnant off a toilet seat as well? I shouldn't joke. I've got a friend that got AIDS from a toilet seat. Genuine story, yeah. What happened was he sat down before the last guy got up.

7:50Can I ask, was the baby fine? Healthy? Happy? What's the name? Seven years old. And you're pregnant? Now, did you... Because most people, they go to the classes, they do the breathing exercises. You just fucking shat it out. Like an absolute fucking Kiwi legend. I mean... I've got... I like to think I'm pretty respectful of all mums, but that is above and beyond the fucking call of duty. Also, what a massive fucking overshare for the kid. Christ, when you call your kid a little shit...

8:41Ah, you fucking little shit. Oh! Oh, well, I...

8:53Love it. What's here? OK, what else we got? Hi, Jimmy. I just wanted to say thank you. The last six months, you have helped me navigate PTSD, along with MDMA therapy in Australia. You're the cheapest therapy you can get. You deserve every dollar. Cheers, man. Dan, where's... Where are you, Dan? Where's Dan? Are you there, Dan? Oh, hi, Dan. How are you, man? Well, thanks. Thanks for the message. I really appreciate it. How's the PTSD? Bloody awful. Do you mind me asking? What do you get it from? Abuse. Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that. But you won't be the only person in the room. The sad thing about that is there'll be other people here that have gone through something similar.

9:48and they haven't got to where you've got to yet, where you can send a message, where you can admit that it happened, where you can talk about it. So you're on the road to recovery. Good luck, my friend. So I'm happy to hear.

10:08We do just have to confirm, when you say abuse, you were abused, right? It wasn't like... You're not going, I can't believe I got fucking caught. Bloody annoyed about it.

10:27I'm really glad you sent me the message. I'm really glad you shared that, man. That's, I don't know. It's not me. I've got nothing to, I've got dick jokes, but. If it lightens the load in any way, I'm fucking thrilled for you. Thank you so much. Nice. Fucking.

10:48And if you think about it, that's a fucking brave thing. The best day of my life was the birth of my first child. And that's because that was the day someone told me you don't pay capital gains tax on selling gold coins. That's why I partnered up with a pure gold company. I buy gold with them as a store of wealth and to protect against inflation. And, well, you can do that too. This is an advert. I'm suggesting you do that. But I'm not a financial advisor. Don't take my advice. Go and, you know, seek a professional financial advisor and then do what I tell you. Go and buy gold at the Pure Gold Company.

11:24They'll tell you it's a good idea. I am not a grifter. I wouldn't sell you something that I don't use myself. So I use the Pure Gold Company. If you'd like to invest in physical gold as well, just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co slash jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of storage secure for your bullion absolutely free. My God, I'm good to you. I hope you enjoy the clip. I just want to say this. the best presents are never things, they're experiences.

11:58So if you're having difficulty in your relationship, if the passion is fading, then don't get her flowers or chocolates or jewelry. Buy her tickets, take her out, come and see me live. Give her the best gift you can give anyone. No, not the gift of laughter. A night with a real man. Click below for tickets, you cuck. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports.

12:44Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.