Jimmy Carr ROASTS a Mum for Bringing Her Teenage Daughter to His Show! - Cleveland, Ohio

0:00This episode is brought to you by Palmolive. Family time isn't just the big moments. It's weeknight dinners, sitting around the table, everyone talking all at once. So when the plates are empty and the sink is full, use Palmolive Ultra. Palmolive's most powerful formula removes up to 99.9 % of grease, leaving your dishes sparkling clean. And the new convenient pump makes cleaning even easier, so you can spend less time tackling dishes and more time together. Shop now at palmolive.com. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork and this one's from Cleveland in the United States of America and I roast a mum for bringing her teenage daughter to my show, which I think is fair.

0:42What about Cleveland? What about Cleveland? I like it. I like the fact you changed the name now from it was the Cleveland Indians and you changed it to the Browns, which is weird.

0:56If anything, I think it's more racist. I like it.

1:08Is that right? Close enough. I think I got the gist of it. I may have been misinformed.

1:23I did gigs in Delhi and Mumbai last year, and I only refer to the locals as guardians. I'm going to stay on the right side of history.

1:40What do you think of consciousness? What do I think of consciousness? I think it's extraordinary. I think it is the thing. And I think artificial intelligence, to go to the earlier question, artificial intelligence is...

2:00I'll finish my point and then we can...

2:11Yeah, well, the point I was going to make is AI is very good at left-brain things. We live in a very left-brain world. What answer would you like? Why don't you just... Why don't you just...

2:25I was going to talk about the gestalt of the right brain, but perhaps you have something to add in your whiny fucking voice. Fuck, don't...

2:42My thoughts on consciousness. I think if you were more self-conscious when you asked a question, you'd wait for the fucking answer.

2:58What, sorry? From my heart, what do I think of consciousness? I was going to answer, but you will interrupt before I get anywhere near a point.

3:17I think you're barely sentient.

3:29How long have you been single? How long have you been single?

3:40She's not from Cleveland.

3:53I think there's a... Hang on a second. I will answer the question. And I'll answer it with a quote from ACDC's Rhodey, who said my favorite thing about spirituality, consciousness, religion, best thing I've ever heard about it. He said, God is the name we give to the blanket, we throw over the mystery to give it shape.

4:24That's what I think, but I also think you should shut up now.

4:36They're just messing around, you seem fun. British Bake Off. British Bake Off. Yeah, that's how we sell disputes.

4:48Notice there's a lot of gun crime in America, but we bake stuff.

4:59They bring a sourdough, we bring a panini. I don't know if I can help. Any other? Yeah? I played Damien in the Omen. Did you always have that haircut? Or did they do it for the wee ones? It was too long a sentence wasn't it? It just sort of... It just petered out. Too old a reference as well, but God love you. Have another go in a minute.

5:27Are you trying to start a ring?

5:33What do you do in IT sir?

5:39I'm just He's not a personal fucking trainer is he? Look at him

5:47What's your name my friend? Ryan What do you do Ryan?

5:53HVHC HVHC What? You do air conditioning Yes Don't, maybe you don't need air conditioning, maybe just shed a few pounds? I'm not going to be a dick about it, but you're carrying insulation with you, motherfucker.

6:23What are you working on, type 3 diabetes?

6:31I don't know why you're laughing. If he falls, that balcony's not made of fucking iron.

6:50Are there any teenage girls in? I realise that question reads poorly in this day and age. Any teenage girls? Where? Hi. What? Oh, hello. Are people just arriving? Don't panic. There's plenty of show left. Where the fuck have you been?

7:13Hello, I'm Jimmy. You've missed very little. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. We've all just said a little bit about what Jesus means to us.

8:03So the teenage girl, what's your name? Ashley. How old are you, Ashley? Fourteen. Fourteen. Great.

8:18Who are you here with, Ashley? Who brought you to this filth? Is that mum? Hi, mum. this is a low point in your parenting

8:37Ashley has done nothing wrong I've done nothing wrong you fucked up

8:50ah

8:55What are we? Hospice! A hospice? Do you work in a hospice, sir? Yes! You work in a hospice? What do you do, my friend? Retire! You're retired? Or you retire, people? What?

9:16It's a whole different Time's Up campaign.

9:22So what did you do in a hospice? Have you been in a conversation before?

9:31I'm doing a lot of the heavy lifting here. Do a hospice joke. Do a hospice joke. Yeah, but I want to find out, are you in a hospice? Are you dying or do you work there? What's going on? The liver disease project. You're in a liver disease project. I am. your liver disease you've got liver disease I'm sorry that felt like an accusation I wasn't like

10:02okay well I always think that thing about a hospice must be the dream place to work as a doctor or a nurse because you literally can't fuck up can you Oh, oops, I've given him too much of that. Oh, well, he saw the sign on the way in.

10:31What should we do about the homeless? What should we do about the homeless? Well, I mean, I don't know. Well, it's all right. Well, give them houses. Yeah, that's not really the problem, sir. We don't have a homeless problem. Yeah, it's slightly more complicated than that. It's to do with drugs and mental illness. I'm not sure... I'm sure you're all aware of this, but America decided to shut down all the mental asylums in the 80s because they seemed a bit cruel after we watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Do you imagine when we shut all the asylums down, America ran out of crazy. No, we fucking didn't.

11:23But what we now have is free-range crazy.

11:32Farm to table fucking.