Jimmy Carr's Hilarious Encounter with an Unintelligible Heckler! - Clacton, England

0:01This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. This is Crowdwork, the podcast where I do crowdwork. This was a gig in Clacton where I have a hilarious encounter with an unintelligible heckler.

0:36I'll work round it. Jimmy! Yeah? Jimmy! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man. What is it, adenoids? Is that an accent or a speech impediment? What the fuck is up with you? What are you saying, mate? I was having a good time for a train.

1:01I think there's been a delay on the train. I can hear the announcement. Fucking Snoopy's teacher's doing it.

1:14Honestly, I don't want to talk to anyone else, I just want to talk to you. Go on, just say it again.

1:25Have I ever tried? Have I ever tried? I've got that. What, sorry?

1:36I haven't tried going to Jaywick. I haven't tried going to Jaywick. Have I ever tried going to Jaywick? Is that what he's saying?

1:56So what's your name? My name's Ash, mate. Ash. Okay, Ash. You're very inbred.

2:10It's not your fault, is it? It's not your fault that two first cousins fell in love.

2:21You sound like you're stuck at the bottom of a well. I can see that you're not, but it's...

2:35What? What do you do, Ash?

2:44You seem to be able to translate this fucking... The fuck is that?

2:56If he turns out to be a speech therapist...

3:02It would be fucking genius though, wouldn't it? You'd go in there going, I've got a stutter. And he'd go, and you'd go, I think I'll be all right.

3:23I don't need to buy any pegs. What the fuck he's talking about now? Would anyone else care for air court? and if you can speak English and cobble a sentence together, that would be very much appreciated. What's your name? Nigel Farage. Nigel Farage. Is he the local MP? Well, that's, you know, it strikes me. It's a weird thing that's going on at the moment. There's a vibe shift in the world, and when Nigel Farage gets in, it's populism, and when the left gets in, it's democracy. It's all fucking democracy. Fucking you've chosen him, fucking good luck to you. I like reform but then I'm prejudiced.

4:15What's your favourite sexual position? Well, it's a great question. It depends who I'm having sex with. With you, it would be reverse cowgirl because...

4:31I wouldn't be able to maintain an erection and see your face.

4:41No, I'm not. I'm not being a dick. I'm just saying you're what dimmer switches were invented for.

4:52Because she's ugly. What's your fucking problem?

4:59How dare you

5:04I'm thrilled to be involved frankly I don't really Whatever, what's your favourite? What do you like? Oh How very rude How dare you ask Such an impertinent question Now tell me, do you like a finger up your bum? You fucking started it. Go on, has it been a while? What, sorry? It's been what? He said I can't remember, it's been a while. Yeah.

5:46Is anyone visually impaired?

6:01Can you smell toast?

6:11I think you might be having a stroke on both sides. So it sort of looks normal, but in fact you've just collapsed. What are you saying? Did you start believing in Jesus the first time I saw Joe Wilkinson? Did I start believing in Jesus the first time I saw Joe Wilkinson? What you're saying there, in quite a roundabout way, is doesn't Joe Wilkinson look a bit like depictions of Jesus? Yeah. OK. Sometimes, Ash, it's OK to have a thought and not say anything. I realise for you, thoughts don't come along that often. so it's sort of a red letter day if you think of something in your tiny little mind yeah i better say that it might be important it isn't who are you here with and why is your carer not stepping in

7:07can i help you i'm looking for a pan that says i know what i'm doing um i don't know if that Well, I want to get dinner party confidence. Aha, then you need copper. Go all in on what you love with the Active Cash Card and earn unlimited 2 % cash rewards on purchases. Oh, also, do you sell those little finishing salts in tiny bowls? Are you a chef? Well, I made short ribs once, and here we are. Be a 2 %er with the Active Cash Credit Card from Wells Fargo. Visit wellsfargo.com slash activecash. Terms apply. What'd you do, forget the afternoon meds? What's happened? Are you, where are you from? I'm from New York.

7:44You're from where? New York. New York. We've got a perfectly good York here.

7:52I've been. What, sorry? I haven't been. You haven't been. It's for the best. I presume, are you military? What are you doing over here? Not anymore. Not anymore? He's definitely fucking military. And he's now killing people on the quiet. He married you. okay do you work for no I'm English he was in the Air Force and he met you you know there isn't a war on you you're not meant to fuck GIs what do you give you some cigarettes and a pair of tights and you're like go on you're no better than your nan

8:36fucking tremendous very nice to have you here sir from what and now you're living in Clacton from New York to Clacton

8:46fucking hell well I should explain in front of the train station is very much our central park

8:56and the yeah the Coney Island roller coaster is just a homeless guy wanking on a pier but I think we've captured the spirit of the city. You're probably a bit overwhelmed, aren't you? With the size and the scope of the place.

9:19Dawn, where are you guys from living? Newmarket. Newmarket near Cambridge. It's better than me. They couldn't have named a place that wasn't.

9:35Hi Jimmy, can you shout out to Cindy and Mike from Philadelphia who Prefer to come and see you tonight than be in Philly celebrating the Eagles big win. Thanks Heather. Where's where's Cindy and Mike? What are you here from what? But you're from Philadelphia Okay, and you've come to Clacton Clacton I've got I've got a bit of good news We've got our first tourist.

10:09Your travel agent's a cunt, mate.

10:16Look around. And what, are you just, are you here on holiday? Do you live here? What's going on? I'm visiting, visiting family. You're visiting, you've got family from here? Well that's very bad news for you. Let's face facts, around here the gene pool could use some chlorine. See Ash for details. Imagine his family tree is a fucking broom handle.

10:45He didn't meet his missus on Tinder. What was it, mate? Ancestry.com?

10:54Well, it's very nice to have you here. What else we got? Do you think you may change your mind about God when you get older, or will you just burn in hell? I think a lot of people do, don't they? A lot of people get nearer the end and they start believing in God. It's like, I think Richard Dawkins said it, it's like people cramming for their finals.

11:16No, I don't think so. I think I'm pretty set on the atheism track. But I think there's two kinds of idiots, aren't there? There's people that think religion has no value and there's people that believe in fairy stories. I think you want to be somewhere in the middle. I don't think church works because God is happy. I think church works because people come together. I sort of think that's what we're doing here. Yeah.

11:46I'm the other JC.

11:53That's genuine blasphemy. No one's upset. All right. I'm so single, I'm spending my Valentine's Day in Clacton with my parents at your show, What's Life Come To? Who's single and out with their parents? Where are you? What's your name? Hi, Charlie. How old are you, Charlie? 22. 22? Well, I appreciate you coming out, my friend. Good luck. What do you do for a living? Engineering. Engineering? You're going to be alright. You're going to be alright. It gets easier, my friend. It gets easier. 22 is a tough age to be because while men go for beauty, because beauty is a proxy for health and healthy, women go for competence.

12:38Women find competent men attractive. So money is just a proxy for competence. Women find billionaires attractive, but they also find a guy that can put up a fucking shelf or be an engineer, can fix stuff, attractive. Very difficult to get competent pre-30. So, I don't know, learn some fucking jokes, man.

13:02Good luck. Also, ask... Sorry? You won't learn any from me. Oh.