In short
Jimmy Carr does crowdwork in San Diego, getting called out by an audience member about “follow your heart or follow your intellect,” then riffing through dating/sex, religion, politics, culture, and stand-up craft. He also answers questions on writing jokes, hecklers, and advice for a 16-year-old comedian, plus rapid-fire audience interactions (students, couples, dancers, horse trainers).
Guest backgrounds
No named guests with full bios; audience members include a “Prey” chemistry student/psych major, a couple celebrating 35 years (Craig), a young man named Harry (contemporary ballet dancer), and a horse trainer/equestrian trainer.
Key claims
Money is a proxy for competence; happiness is current situation minus expectations; religion as “sacrifice now for future”; jokes are built from setup (false assumption) and punchline (reveal).
Notable examples
“Love or money” debate; “Hairy pussy” porn-history explanation; advice: write punchlines first; horse-safety reference to Christopher Reeve.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOLove or Money?
1:08 to 3:16
A discussion on the age-old dilemma of choosing love over money.
“You know, follow your dreams if they're hiring.”
Audience Interaction
3:16 to 4:10
Jimmy interacts with an audience member about their studies and opinions.
“Happiness is your current situation minus expectations.”
San Diego vs Riverside
4:10 to 5:54
A light-hearted banter about the comparison between San Diego and Riverside.
“And you're both studying here in San Diego?”
Cultural Commentary
5:54 to 8:28
Jimmy shares humorous observations about cultural appropriation and cuisine.
“I mean the weather today is not great for me, but great.”
The Spirit of Envy
8:28 to 11:13
A philosophical digression about the root of evil and societal norms.
“Well, you have reminded me of something there, sir.”
Advice for Aspiring Comedians
11:13 to 14:00
Jimmy offers valuable advice to young comedians about writing and performing.
“I would say it's the spirit of envy yeah it's Cain I would say not the serpent it's us I got spooky fast favourite book I don't really do a lot of colouring but Hairy pussy.”
Audience Interaction: Marriage Advice
14:00 to 14:48
Jimmy engages with an audience member seeking anniversary advice.
“also he's not your real dad laughter that finger of his though has been in your mum laughter That guy you're with there is a...”
Humor on Relationships and Risks
14:48 to 17:51
Jimmy humorously discusses relationships, anniversary celebrations, and the risks of horseback riding.
“I would I think if you don't know now what she likes it might be a good time to ask what's that mean?”
Cultural Comparison: Brits vs. Americans
17:51 to 19:45
Jimmy humorously compares British and American humor.
“I mean, he went on and did incredible things afterwards.”
Roasting Historical Figures and Heckling
19:45 to 22:24
Discussion on heckling and roasting historical figures, particularly Catherine the Great.
“Harry's come home one day and gone, I'm a dancer.”
Show all 12 chapters
Advice for Young Men
22:24 to 23:29
Jimmy shares his thoughts on modern dating and the influence of pornography.
“Hi Well tell Baxter I'm absolutely thrilled is getting his dick wet.”
Advice for Young Men
24:25 to 24:50
Jimmy shares his thoughts on modern dating and the influence of pornography.
“Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. You can listen to my brand new podcast. It's Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. You can find it wherever you find podcasts. And it drops, I guess, whenever it drops. So subscribe and then you'll never miss an episode. It's me talking to hecklers and solving people's problems.
0:43And sometimes, well, not solving their problems. But at least having a dart at it. It's fun. Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. Wherever you get your podcasts. In this episode of Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. I'm Jimmy Carr, by the way. And this is me doing crowdwork. I get called out in San Diego. Someone had a question about following their heart or following their intellect. And, well, I had a crack at answering. Enjoy. Follow your heart or follow your intellect. Follow your heart or your intellect. Ooh. I don't know. You could be a dummy. I don't...
1:21What did Chris Rock famously said? You know, follow your dreams if they're hiring. I'm interested in this though, so what's your intellect telling you and what's your heart telling you? Errr...
1:39Follow your heart.
1:50The intellect has let you down when tested.
2:01Let's go in again. Let's start with your passion. What's your heart telling you?
2:09Love or money. What, sorry? Love or money. Love or money. I would go for love. Bullshit!
2:24The only reason men want money is in order to get love. Money, if you think about it, women aren't gold diggers. Money, rich men, it's a proxy for competence. And what women find attractive is competence in men. It's a weird thing where billionaires are attractive, but also guys that could mend a toaster and put up a shelf are attractive. competence is what women look for
2:52and men look for beauty which sounds fucking shallow but beauty is just a proxy for healthy we're all just trying to get along but I would just go for love because money is just what do you want the money for? I want the money so I can be happy Well, what's happiness? Well, it's joy. What's happiness? Happiness is your current situation minus expectations.
3:30That's it. Cheer up. You're in San Diego. You made it. You're doing great. You're doing great. Good place. What would you say about a medicalist? What would I say about a guy who wears Hawaiian shirts every day? That doesn't need to happen, sir. Get some Zen pic.
3:57What? I'm not having to fucking go. He's a big unit. He's covering a multitude, the Hawaiian shirt. What do you do for a living, sir? You're a student. Of course you fucking are. You look 40. the fuck are you studying you're studying chemistry we found San Diego's breaking bad
4:22to what end what are you going to do
4:27you haven't thought that far ahead okay are you a couple what's your name pray what's your name
4:46Oh, your name's Prey. Well, that makes more sense. It's quite a direct instruction. What do you do, Prey? You're a psych major. Am I your homework? You're doing research on this. All right. And you're both studying here in San Diego? Riverside. I don't know. is that good or bad?
5:14Is that the... It's surprising how many of you independently went bullshit. No. It's like LA but shittier. It's like LA but shittier. I don't know. I doubt that, sir. I doubt that. Spent a bit of time in LA recently and it's fucking Gotham City. It'd have to go a long way to be shittier.
5:49What, sorry? There's no ocean in Riverside. There's no ocean in Riverside. No, the name really gives that away.
6:04You're thinking of Oceanside.
6:22What do I think of what? It's cool. It's cool. I mean the weather today is not great for me, but great. It's fucking cool. US Navy, what more do you want? Well done you. Mexican food Mexican food in England Mexican food Mexican food in England Mexican food is sort of the same all over the world it is it is
7:02have you lost your fucking minds
7:09Mexican food is five ingredients.
7:16Five ingredients rearranged and you're like, oh, this is a new dish. Is it? Seems a lot like the thing I had yesterday. No, it's rolled in a different type of bread. This bread's slightly crispier than that bread. No, we haven't just fried these beans once. No! We re-fried them! Fucking get over yourselves. Also, you can all fuck off getting so upset about cuisine that you clearly fucking stole.
8:02Not just the cuisine, the fucking city!
8:09You didn't even have the decency to change the fucking name.
8:17Ah, San Diego, yeah, stick with it. It suits it, but it's ours now.
8:25England is one to talk about stealing. England's one to talk about stealing. Hey, hey. Well, you have reminded me of something there, sir. we should do a land acknowledgement because actually the land that this theatre is built on, no I want to say this, the land that this theatre is built on actually used to belong to Britain.
8:50Breaks your heart doesn't it? Breaks your heart. Why am I not allowed to open a fucking casino? What the fuck is going on?
9:03Alberta seceding from Canada. Alberta seceding from Canada. It's on my bingo card of things that are going to happen. It's not going to fucking happen.
9:17The people that would want it to happen are the Republicans, right? But the people of Alberta are right-wing Canadians, which is what you call Democrats. So it's never going to work.
9:33World War III. World War III. I think it's already started, isn't it? Soccer. One thing at a time. Jesus. The... What's that name? Over or under. Toilet paper. Over or under. and you just said over or under like everyone would go, yeah, that's all that that could possibly mean. He's asking about World War III, soccer, toilet paper.
10:16Female James Bond. Female James Bond. Yeah. Fine, you can fuck it up if you want to fuck it up.
10:31Yeah, why don't we have a Muslim Pope? Yeah, great. Fuck it.
10:40Fuck it. Why does the President of America need to be from here? Fuck it. Your favourite part of a blowjob.
10:54I actually had the worst blowjob of my life last night. Do you know how it was? Amazing.
11:07There's no bad bit of a blowjob. What's the root of all evil? I would say it's the spirit of envy yeah it's Cain I would say not the serpent it's us
11:31I got spooky fast favourite book I don't really do a lot of colouring but
11:49Hairy pussy. Hairy pussy.
11:55Okay. What, discuss? Well it was all quite hirsute until the 1970s. Do you want to know an interesting fact? Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today. About that. It was pornography that did it. So they had very strict pornography laws around the world. And basically the pornography laws all said you can't show pubic hair.
12:48So the pornographers had a workaround. Shave that off. We're good to go. And then we all looked at that and jerked off and went, I want yours to look like that, love. Any advice for a 16-year-old kid comedian? Where are you? Hi there. I'd write jokes I'd concentrate on the writing rather than the performing I think it's self-assignment stand-up comedy but then so much of life is if you write incessantly just get better at it and jokes are all reverse engineered come up with a punchline first and get back to it whether it's stories or jokes good luck I don't know I'll quickly do the basics for you So jokes are basically, every joke is two stories.
13:43And the first story, the setup, forces people to make an erroneous assumption, which is revealed in the second part of the joke, the punchline. So it's the sudden revelation of a previously concealed fact. So bear that in mind.
14:00Good luck.
Read the full transcript
14:03Can we go back to that last one? Hang on, can we go back? also he's not your real dad laughter
14:29that finger of his though has been in your mum laughter
14:38That guy you're with there is a... He's a mother fucker. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. What should I do for her with her or to her? Craig. Where's Craig? Where are you, mate? Well, firstly, huge congratulations. 35 years. That's a big deal.
15:04I would I think if you don't know now what she likes it might be a good time to ask
15:14what's that mean? you get to this age you forget I don't know I like the idea you could just sort of start again I don't know where you took her on the first date but go back there are you from San Diego? Orange County just up the road it was very nice to have you here I hope you've had a fun night Riverside, no not that fucking shit old these people are better than that
15:52I'd take you to Vegas for the weekend get some get some fucking cocaine have a good time
16:01You never hear... This is what you never hear about. You never hear about a couple that will be married 35 years, responsible, wonderful people, going, do you know what? We've never tried cocaine. Let's give it a go. Horse girls. Equestrians. Horse girls. Horse girls. Equestrians.
16:28I don't know. I'll find out more. You would describe yourself as... Are you a centaur? Like half a girl, half horse.
16:43The fuck are you talking about? You... You like horses, do you? I'm a horse trainer. You're a horse trainer. But I got you to Browse, and I love horses. Okay. It's quite the challenge. So you're an equestrian trainer. Are you training the horses, or are you training the people to ride the horses? Both. Fucking great.
17:16Shall I tell her? We've got cars now.
17:24We sort of... Best will in the world, we don't need you.
17:34It's quite dangerous though, isn't it? Remember Christopher Reeve? Why? It's what happened. Christopher Reeve was riding a horse. He fell off the horse, not even at high speed, not doing anything dangerous, fell off the horse. He broke his neck. He paralysed himself. I mean, actually, he went on to do... I mean, he went on and did incredible things afterwards. He was an inspirational speaker and he's a wonderful man. He really, after he broke his back, he never looked back.
18:04Technically, of course, he fucking couldn't unless he put some mirrors up.
18:10Too soon? Are Brits funnier than Americans? Are Brits funnier than Americans? Er. I mean, er. A lot of my favourite stand-ups are American, so I don't know. Ricky Gervais. Ricky Gervais. Answer the question. All right, fucking hell.
18:35Well, I'd wager I'm funnier than you, so in this interaction, yeah.
18:48We've only got 65 million people. You've got 300 million. You've got more to pick from. Not a fair fight. If you could roast a historical figure, who would it be? If I could roast a historical figure, who would it be? I think it would be Catherine the Great with my best mate.
19:10She's very famously a horse lady.
19:16She fucked a horse, didn't she, Catherine the Great? Isn't that the story? It's probably apocryphal, but whatever. Do you waste time with hecklers because you've run out of jokes? Do I do things with hecklers because I've run out of jokes? No. I haven't run out of jokes. You look very young, sir. You're full of the kind of confidence of a man that's not really being called a cunt properly.
19:44What's your name, my young friend? Harry. Hi, Harry. You all right? What do you do, Harry? I'm a dancer. You're a dancer? That's a nice way to tell your dad. I think.
19:59That's nice. Harry's come home one day and gone, I'm a dancer. It's so much nicer than coming home and saying, yes, that is cum on my moustache.
20:16I'll probably regret this, but what kind of dance do you do, Harry? What kind of dance? What kind of dance? Contemporary ballet. Contemporary ballet. What I would describe as a flaming homosexual. Christ. Even fucking Liberace is thinking, Jesus.
20:42Contemporary and ballet.
20:55it's a dancer
20:59go on
21:04have I ever caught my dick in a zipper I have actually yeah what happened was you were coming in the front door and I just finished fucking your missus.
21:20It was a close call. You also need to get yourself tested.
21:30Does God exist? Erm... Well... I've got terrible news. yes I mean in a manner of speaking yes but it's an analogy God is the future what do I mean God's the future you sacrifice things in the moment for a better future that's what religion teaches right so hard hard choices now easy life later that's the same as religion. Work, in a sense, is a sacrifice for the future. So you do something now to enjoy the future, right? That's what the lesson's meant to be for the next life. And there is a next life. You will die, and you will be reborn as someone else, and you will love them. But that's your kids.
22:23So it works, but it's not magic. You'll be alright, you look as if you might be having a tough time You're loving it Jimmy, it's Baxter's parents Last year at the show, you taught our 17 year old son About the birds and bees Just wanted to let you know, he's out on a date tonight With three girls Where's Baxter's parents? Hi Well tell Baxter I'm absolutely thrilled is getting his dick wet. Genuinely, I am. This is exactly... What we've got to do, I think, as a society, obviously, we've got to tell young men, don't look at porn. Stop watching porn. It's cheap dopamine. But that's not an empowering message to young men.
23:15What we've got to say is, don't look at porn and go and finger someone.
23:22There's a young Mexican guy looking at me like, yeah.
23:29Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr, and if you're anything like me, then you should be ashamed of yourself. And also, you're probably thinking, your money isn't stretching as far as it used to. Well, that's inflation for you, the hidden tax. When my grandmother was a young girl, she could have a weekend up in London, visit the theatre and have a three-course meal at the Savoy for less than a pound. In fairness, she do always put out. Reading between the lines, I think she might have been working as a prostitute. Anyway, I'm getting off message. If, like me, you buy gold at the Pure Gold Company, you can decrease the risk of your savings shrinking into oblivion by owning an asset that historically has increased in value.
24:07In all seriousness, if you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend the Pure Gold Company. Just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co.com to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co.com. me. Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free. I'm very good to you. Well, I hope you enjoyed that clip. If your partner moans on at you that you never do any fun stuff anymore, then why don't you click the link below and buy a ticket to come and see me live.
24:43Not only will you have a laugh, but also that's two hours that they can't be moaning on at you because if they talk, I will destroy them. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro Plans.
25:20Thank you.
From the publisher
Jimmy Carr drills into the dilemma when he's asked the question, "follow your heart or your intellect?".
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
If you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company:
https://pure-gold.co/jimmy
Just click the link in the description to get your free copy of their investor guide.
Mention my name when you speak to them and you’ll get 6 months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.
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