Jimmy Roasts a Couple Who Arrive Late to a Show! - Scunthorpe, England

0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crown Work. This is me in Scunthorpe giving a couple who arrive late kind of a hard time. But, you know, it's funny. Christ, what time do you call this? You alright, you two? What happened? How come you're late?

0:49You got stuck in the pub.

0:54I very much like the freezing. We were stuck in the pub. There was nothing we could do. We noticed we hadn't had enough to drink, so... All right, so you've had a couple of beers, have you? Good name. What's your name, madam? Brenda. What's your name? Brenda. Brenda. What year is it? Are they...

1:14People still call Brenda? Is that a thing? All right, Brenda. What do you do, Brenda? Retired. You're retired, but before you became a burden.

1:26What's your name? A child minder. If they were your kids, that's just a mum. Were you minding other people's kids? Well, where the fuck were they? They were at work, were they? So you were minding their kids? But why didn't you just do their job and they could have minded their own kids? This is fucking mental, Brenda. Hello, Brenda's other half. What's your name, sir? Dave. Of course it's Dave. It's not fuck around, Scunthorpe. We've had baby. What should we call him? Dave. Baby Dave. Baby Dave. Oh, he's a cute one. Dave.

2:09What do you do, Dave? A plate layer. You're a plate layer. I don't care what you do sexually, really. It's up to you. A plate layer. Imagine never done a day's work. What is a plate layer? Work on the railway. You work on the railway. Building the track. And installing it. Building the track. And installing it. And installing it. Okay. And that's called a plate layer. Okay. If you're in a hurry, and you ever meet someone as soft and southern as me, just go, railway tracks.

2:50I imagine the lads around here go, plate layer, oh, fucking course you are. Nice one. Me, I have no fucking idea.

3:00It's a bit more skilled than railway tracks. No, no it isn't, no. I mean, what's more skilled? You can weld a track. You can weld a track. You can stretch it.

3:19I don't think he can. I think this is some bullshit right here. I don't think anyone ever goes, well, the train stops at Grimsby. That's the last... Oh, you want to go further? Don't worry, we'll stretch it. I've never had that. The railway has never gone, well, we'll just go to the station, then I've got to get a cab. Is there any chance you can do it all the way to the theatre? No problem, we'll put Dave on it. He'll fucking stretch it. What the fuck are you talking about? It's not a thing. You guys got a missus. I ain't got a missus. Right. Yeah, the lights have gone up now and I can see you.

4:05Is that your missus? I bet you wish you didn't have a missus.

4:14Ah! Ah! Ah! Do you want me to put the lights back down for you, mate? She's the reason dimmer switches were invented. Just fucking with you, man.

4:31What's your name, sir? Dom. Dom. Hello, Dom. What do you do, Dom? I work with steel. You work with steel? Of course you fucking do. Do you mean you're a thief? A thief with very poor syntax. I work with steel. Give myself a five-finger discount. What do you do with steel? What kind of thing? You cut it and drill it. You cut it and drill it. You ever stretched it? I've got friends that stretch it. Go for fucking miles, this. You got anything new? You got anything new?

5:17Ooh. I don't know if you were here for the first 20 minutes of, uh, sort of four big laughs a minute... all-new gags. Those? Who am I talking to? Was it...? Hi, what's your name? What's your name, sir? All right, Andy. What do you do, Andy? I think we can rule out personal trainer, can't we?

5:41No, I didn't... I didn't mean any offence just cos he's a fat cunt. I don't know.

5:52These two are back. Someone's been murdered. Go on, Andy. What did you do, Andy? I'm a steel worker. You're a steel worker. Of course you are. Yes. Fucking right. And what do you do with the steel? I'm a manager. You're a manager? Do you mean you're just coping? How do you do? I manage. And who are you out with tonight, Andy? Who's this? My brother. Your brother? You all right? What's the brother do? He's a chef. Are you a chef, sir? Yes. OK. Let me just ask you this. Do you know the meal is ready when the souffle rises or when the machine goes popperty ping? Some people say chef, but what they mean is I'm a microwave technician.

6:41Where do you work, my friend? On super yachts in the Caribbean. On super yachts in the Caribbean? Oh. I don't know why we're applauding that. Fucking great, though. Did you ever work at Epstein's Island?

7:00So, obviously, you're down in the Caribbean on super yachts most of the time, but you try and get back to Scunthorpe whenever you can.

7:10I base myself in Scunthorpe because it's nicer. A lot of these super yachts don't have a Greggs.

7:21Could you, just on behalf of his GP, could you stop feeding your brother?

7:31What's Andy working on? Type 3 diabetes.

7:37What's he doing?

7:41Salad doesn't... Win scrums. Salad doesn't win scrums.

7:49I think it's some sort of rugby reference. Right, so you're interested in sports and you think the best way forward is... fat. OK. Good luck with that. I'll tell you what salad does do, live to older than 55.

8:10How old are you Andy 44 look at the fucking mileage on it

8:23Don't think I've not spotted you

8:31I imagine you're a very popular location aren't you people T-shirt say I be anorexia

8:43Yes, you fucking bitch. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You fucking legend.

8:55Is there a lesbian there? Yes. What's your name? Vicky. And are you here with a partner, Vicky? Yes, she's at work. She's at work? Oh. And what do you do, Vicky? What do you do for a living? I'm very sure. What's her name? I'm a probation officer. You're a probation officer in Scunthorpe? Ka-ching!

9:20Well, you all know Vicky the Lesbian.

9:28And how long have you been smashing pasties?

9:35What, sorry? Married for 15 years. Married for 15 years? Fucking congrats. Bloody lovely. What they make for life, don't they? I think they're like lobsters.

9:50We didn't really need that, but, you know, nice.

9:55What do you think of the Irish people?

10:05Excuse me, could you take the curse off me? I didn't really understand what you said, but I presume it's a complaint about the gypsy joke, is it? Luckily, the gypsies have moved on. What do I think about what people? The Irish. The Irish? Well, I'm what they call a plastic paddy. I've got an Irish passport, Irish parents, we're all from Limerick. I just speak and present myself in this way because I was raised and educated in the home counties, which just goes to show what you can do when you apply yourselves.

10:40Hang on just one second, I'll tell an Irish story. You're a plastic paddy, are you? What, sorry? Are you a plastic paddy? You remember when I just said I'm a plastic paddy? That's what I meant by that, yeah. There was no sort of hidden subtext, it was just straight ahead, that's what I am. Do you approach...? Yeah, Irish blood, English heart. Do you really want to be an Irish person? Do I really want to be an Irish person? No, I really am an Irish person. Once they give you the passport, that's it. Why do you call yourself plastic? Why do I call myself plastic? Because I was raised and educated to...

11:20I don't know how to explain first-generation immigration to you because you seem like a fucking idiot. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE Well, no, I like it. I think it's nice to... I think you're worse than it than I am. You think... You think... You have throat cancer. LAUGHTER

11:53What? That's not a doctor, that's a... LAUGHTER Fucking anyone can tell there's an issue there. We need to get this sorted. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

12:30Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Croc store today. Oh, fuck, it's not often I get to shock scumful.

12:43Fucking tremendous.

12:47Are you from, uh... Are you, you're from, where are you from? Belfast or Derry, where are you from? I'm from Ireland.