In short
Jimmy Carr does crowdwork in Oxford, England, roasting and bantering with audience members about dating, sex jokes, awkward confessions, and “cancelled” comedy, with recurring bits about Zac Efron, Morris dancing, and a bizarre “leg amputation” story.
Guest backgrounds
Giovanna (Greek-Italian, claims she’s “mentally unstable”), John (physics student, wears shorts), Phoebe (English student), Rian (laughs like Jimmy), Sophie (claims she loves Zac Efron; says she’s at the show with a friend who invited a man from the car park), Oliver Pointer McLean (carp; caught in a breakup/cheating scenario; later a friend reveals a cousin Sarah), and a man awaiting leg amputation due to “thrush.”
Key claims
Jimmy repeatedly insists he can’t provide Zac Efron’s number; he jokes about “don’t stick your dick in crazy,” condoms, and “career-enders.”
Notable examples
“Viagra smells like rat’s piss,” “Morris dancers wear bells so blind people know they’re cunts,” and the punchline that the thrush patient will go “full pirate mode” with a stick prosthetic.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOEngaging the Audience
0:46 to 2:09
Jimmy interacts with the audience, discussing Chris Evans and humor.
“You were checking to see if I liked him.”
Mental Instability Banter
2:10 to 6:35
A humorous exchange about mental stability with an audience member named Giovanna.
“I imagine when she gets excited it's like seaweed at low tide what?”
Physics and Shorts
6:36 to 7:32
Jimmy comments on a student in shorts studying physics, leading to playful jabs.
“Do you think you teach other people English?”
Morris Dancing Anecdote
7:33 to 8:13
Discussion about Morris dancing and its quirky aspects.
“Does anyone feel like I haven't talked about sex enough?”
Zac Efron Connection
8:14 to 11:05
An audience member expresses love for Zac Efron, leading to a humorous exchange.
“So you'll be the second funniest thing we've seen today.”
Zac Efron Connection
11:06 to 12:19
An audience member expresses love for Zac Efron, leading to a humorous exchange.
“Sophie wants to fuck Zac Efron and thinks maybe I could help.”
Crowdwork Recap and Jokes
12:24 to 14:00
Jimmy continues to entertain the audience with jokes and responses.
“I don't know much about you, I know you've got a dimmer switch in the bedroom.”
Dealing with Controversial Jokes
14:00 to 14:58
Jimmy discusses his approach to controversial humor and the audience's reaction.
“Belt and braces, I wouldn't take a risk with that.”
Heckler Interactions and Relationship Drama
14:58 to 17:46
Jimmy engages with a heckler and explores a humorous breakup scenario involving Oliver.
“Yeah, but I cleaned up the DNA It smelled like death, yeah Ah!”
Aspirations and Life Challenges
17:46 to 22:08
Jimmy humorously interacts with an audience member facing amputation and discusses life choices.
“You know, I didn't miss Jeremy Kyle till we lost him.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:01I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be okay. Or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other. FX is the bear. The final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+. Oh, hello, my name's Jimmy Carr. This is Jimmy Carr Crowdwork where Jimmy Carr, that's me, does crowd work. That's me talking to people like you in crowds. Um, this is me in Oxford dealing with a lady who weirdly wanted Zac Efron's number as if I would have that. Enjoy. Do I like Chris Evans? Which Chris Evans? I know two Chris Evans.
0:51The radio DJ? Fucking tremendous man. What? You were checking to see if I liked him. I do like him.
1:08This feels a bit... It feels a bit like we're on a bus together. You've just taken off your headphones and gone, Do you like Chris Evans? He's good, isn't he? He is good. He's a fucking lovely man, yeah. Any other? Yeah. Hiya. Hi. This really feels like we've got the bus. Hiya. Hiya. You all right? Hello, Doc. Go on. Do you think that you're actually funny? What's the name? Do you think that you're actually a funny guy? Do I think that you're actually a funny guy?
1:47I haven't got your gif with syntax. But yeah, sure, I think you're actually a funny guy.
2:02Do you think you're Steve Martin from 70s Saturday Night Live, wild and sexy guy? Where are you from? It's a lovely accent. I'm Greek-Italian. You're what, sorry? Greek-Italian. Greek-Italian. Right. Sexy, but hairy. Nice.
2:26I imagine when she gets excited it's like seaweed at low tide
2:38what? she started it that's pretty funny yeah and what what brings you to beautiful Oxford I'm just mentally unstable. You're mentally unstable? It's the goodest reason to come as any. You're what, sorry?
3:04I'm mentally unstable. Why did you come to Oxford? I'm mentally unstable. It's not... It's the answer that a mentally unstable person would give. What, what, what, how do you mean you're mentally unstable? Just stuff. Just stuff. I only think you should get a second opinion on that, because that feels like quite a vague diagnosis. While I would love to chat further, you seem like a genuine... What's your name? Giovanna. Giovanna. Pretty sure you're pronouncing that wrong. I wouldn't be a dick about it, you're mentally unstable as it is, but... I'd love to chat further, Giovanna, but I think it would contravene the first rule.
3:49We're all aware of the first rule. Don't stick your dick in crazy.
3:58This bitch is crazy. She's just... Do you think you're funny?
4:08Lady, you paid to be in a room with me. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Oh, you think you're funny? Yeah! I'm fucking hilarious. It's gonna turn out she's from Swindon.
4:26Right?
4:31Fucking hell. What was that? That Viagra's made you smell of rat's piss. That Viagra's made you smell of rat's piss. We found you a friend!
4:50I don't really follow the logic there, but it's... I'm loving it. You don't know where that came from? Has someone just come on you? What? Jesus. Jesus. You were quiet to start, but you're warming up, aren't ya? Why are both your buttons on your waistcoat undone? Why are both your buttons on your waistcoat undone? I suppose I'm just worn out the button. You're wearing the same suits as the eyes of the fours, and you can't get it right. I'm very sorry, sir. I feel underdressed. No, the humiliation of that. He's right, I had one too many buttons undone there, but also I was corrected sartorily by Britain's biggest toddler.
5:37What have you fucking come as? A grown man in fucking shorts. It's a fucking night out. What's your name? John. John, what do you do, John? I'm a student. Of course you're a fucking student. What are you studying, John? Physics. Physics? Fucking everything else is stamp collecting. What a wonderful thing. Who do you like? Favorite physicist? Who are you into? Oh, I like this guy. Fuck it. Who are you here with? You've got a girlfriend?
6:14He's a physics student wearing shorts. He's going out with a hot girl. What the fuck is going on there? Hello, love. She's watering? Did you just say she's 15?
6:32What's your name? We can get you the help you need. What's her name? Phoebe. Hi, Phoebe. What do you do, Phoebe? You're also... Okay, there's a lot of it about. What do you study? English. You're very good.
6:48Do you think you teach other people English? because got a friend, she don't get all of her words right. Greek-Italian mix. Fucking cray-cray.
7:06Have you ever been to Greece? Oh, Greece is wonderful. They're famous for their moustaches. And the men.
7:16Yeah? Oh. Does anyone fancy a little sprinkler crazy? What's the way? Can you say a joke about... Can I say a joke? About sexual life. About what's the way? Your sexual life. Can I say a joke about my sexual life? Does anyone feel like I haven't talked about sex enough? Does anyone...
7:47Is anyone that's not been fucking sectioned several times. Thing, oh, this guy doesn't really talk about fucking enough.
8:00You're crazy. You're a crazy lady. I mean, I like it, but crazy. Hi, Jimmy. We watched a man break a Morris dancing Guinness World Record today in Abingdon. So you'll be the second funniest thing we've seen today.
8:25Who went to see the Morris dancing? Me. Hi. You went to see the Morris dancing? Do you know much about Morris dancing? I know a little bit about the history of it. My dad's been a Morris dancer since before I was born. Your dad's been a Morris dancer since before you were born? Well, the reason Morris dancers wear bells, do you know why? It's so blind people know they're cunts too.
8:52They want to be inclusive. Ah! What's he?
9:02Your brother's a folk musician? Well, I put that in a different bracket. He was what? He was the last thing you saw on this stage? Hang on, this is going to end up with it being haunted. What, what? Is he, he plays here? Yeah. Okay.
9:23Cool. Thanks. Thanks for coming to the show. What else have we got? Have you had penis reduction surgery? Have I had penis reduction surgery? Yeah, and I'm very happy with one.
9:40I don't want to be a dick about it, but this guy's got a weird laugh, hasn't he?
9:50You've got the same, what's your name? Hi, Rian. Jimmy. I feel like we should be in a church basement discussing our laughs. And this has gone horribly wrong. Jimmy, I love Zac Efron. You, what, sorry? I love Zac Efron. You love Zac Efron. I don't know if I can help you there. Do you not have any connection? I got drunk with him last year in Australia. No, two years ago in Australia. We had fun, yeah. OK. And you have his number still? I... Er... Yeah, but why would I...? He's really... I don't want to... I'm really great. I think he's out of your league.
10:42And it's not really a margin call. You're like a different species to me.
10:54No offense, what's your name? Come on, you know this.
11:02Come on, what's your name? Sophie. You think her name's Sophie? It's not a fucking guessing game. We're not having a fucking... You know her, do you? She's my friend. She's your friend. We're at school with her. Does everyone know Sophie? Sophie wants to fuck Zac Efron and thinks maybe I could help. It strikes me as fucking... Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about EBCLIS. EBCLIS Lubrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema.
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12:22Or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Being desperate at best. No, Sophie. That's your husband? You all right, mate?
12:41I don't know much about you, I know you've got a dimmer switch in the bedroom.
12:57I don't know.
13:02Good luck.
13:09I'll investigate. What do you mean you got your date from the car park?
13:18Your friend couldn't make it so you invited this guy from the car park? Well you finished sucking him off and went, you can come to a show. What do you mean from the car park? I didn't want to come on my own. You didn't want to come on your own? Well, you shouldn't have been sitting on that then. Okay, hi, man, how are you? All good, man. So you just met a strange lady in the car park, and she went, do you want to come to a show? And here you are. Yeah, and I live literally just that, yeah. Well, nice to have you here. Hope you're having a fun night. This is pretty funny, and you also probably get to fuck that later.
13:56I'd wear two condoms.
14:01Belt and braces, I wouldn't take a risk with that. You got your hand up, please. Go ahead, man. I'm just wondering, are you too scared to retell that joke? Are you too scared to retell that joke? That joke, the joke on Netflix that almost got you cancelled. The joke that almost got me cancelled? Oh, I'm going to tell worse jokes than that. Don't you worry about a fucking thing. Getting cancelled is nothing. I mean, fucking, you know, look around. It's fine. Next time I tell a joke that upsets people, I'm gonna say, I'm sorry. And the people that are offended will say, you don't really mean that apology.
Read the full transcript
14:41And I'll say, so you're saying I can say something and not mean it. Now you're getting it.
14:54I'll do some proper career-enders at the end, don't you worry about a thing. Have you ever come close to death? Have I ever come close to death? Yeah, but I cleaned up the DNA
15:09It smelled like death, yeah Ah!
15:22What the fuck is that?
15:28Can I suck my own dick? Yeah, of course I can. I just need a knife and determination.
15:40And the award for optimism goes to... How was the Jimmy Carr gig last night? Yeah, it was all right, it was pretty funny, a lot of one-liners. Yeah, if you like that kind of thing, it was good. Weird at the end, though, that he sucked his own dick. I thought that was a weird end to the show. Ah! Help you get a girlfriend? Okay. Do you want to fuck in?
16:10That was easy.
16:15Sophie? No. Meet me in the car park? Meet me in the car park? Are we organising some sort of dogging later on? Just picking up strange men, are you? Christ. Oliver Pointer McLean. After seven magical years together, this feels like the perfect time to say, I'm leaving you. I know you slept with my cousin, Sam.
16:48Oliver? Where's Oliver? I think he might need a hug. Hi Oliver. Hi, can we turn up the lights? Where's... Where are you Oliver? You alright mate? Did you sleep with the cousin? What's that? No. No?
17:15Sounds... Sounds like you did Oliver. I mean listen I don't want to be judged jury and executioner on this how long seven years what married or just together have you got kids oh fuck it just fuck the cousin what are you worried about
17:37it's nothing it's okay there's been a bit of overlap what did you do for a living Oliver you're a carp of course you are little fucking baby Jesus Good on you. And what's the lady called? Hello, madam. Who sent this? Hi. How are you? Furious.
18:01Are we fucking?
18:05You can take her.
18:10I don't know if I can. I think that might be a two-man job. Seems angry. Well, I hope this all... You don't realise... You know, I didn't miss Jeremy Kyle till we lost him. Do you appreciate what he fucking did dealing with this kind of drama? Do you live together? This is going to be awkward, isn't it?
18:39Or it's going to be the best sex there's ever been to say. I think it might be fucking alarmingly good sex. what's her cousin called sir what's the cousin Sarah oh yeah the cousin Sarah Oliver do me a favour if you do hook up with the missus this evening and breaking up is difficult sometimes you reconnect before you it happens call her Sarah halfway through
19:09we're going to see some I reckon we might hear that later we might all be drifting off to sleep you just hear a ahhhhhh AHHHHH Shout out to my sister and her husband He's very excited for a night owl since he's been stuck at home waiting for his leg to be amputated True story, their names are Rebecca and Milky because he lacks toes
19:40Okay, so, and that's a fucking excellent nickname Top drawer.
19:49Lactose. Milky. Where's the guy with the... Where's the guy losing a leg?
20:03How many fucking people do we have in that are loo - Who's waiting for their leg to be amputated? He's done a runner.
20:18Shout out the lights. Where the fuck is this guy? Who's the soon-to-be amputee? Where are you? He should... There'll be clues. Has anyone got a parrot on their shoulder? Is it you over there? Hi, mate. How come you're having the leg amputated? Because it's buggered. I didn't realise you were a medical professional. It's buggered. I'm having it off. Is it? Now, sir, when the doctor said you had to lose weight, I don't think this is what he meant. Two stone, I'll just take the fucking leg off, don't worry. What's it buggered with? Thrush. What's that mean? Thrush. You're having your leg removed because of thrush.
21:10did you fuck cousin Sarah as well?
21:16You got off lightly Oliver, he lost a fucking leg
21:22This is fucking great and what are you going to, are you going to get a prosthetic or are you going to get I'm going to get a stick Yeah, fuck those prosthetics right Never mind the advances in medicine you're going to go full pirate mode. Well, look, I wish you every success with it. Good luck. I can't believe there's a fucking waiting list for that. I don't know, just fucking buy a motorcycle, mate. Buy a motorcycle and don't read the instruction manual. The leg will be gone in a week. Best of luck with it, my friend. Good luck. I hope you get on alright. In all seriousness.
22:08Full disclosure, if you mention my name when you buy gold at the Pure Gold Company, they will give me a tiny little bit of gold. That's how this works. I wouldn't lie to you, just being a straight shooter. I am not a grifter. I wouldn't sell you something that I don't use myself. So I use the Pure Gold Company. If you'd like to invest in physical gold as well, just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co.jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them, and you'll get six months of storage, secure, for your bullion, absolutely free.
22:43My god, I'm good to you. Well, if you enjoyed that clip, why don't you come and see me live? It makes for a great night out. It's like, could be a date night, great way to connect with old friends, and half the proceeds go to good causes, like motorway maintenance, care homes, hospitals. Tax. Basically, I'm now paying tax. I'm not happy about it, but there it is. Click the link below, come and see me live. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the bear. The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either gonna be okay. No, stop. Or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned.
23:29But we have each other. FX's The Bear, the final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+.
From the publisher
A bold audience member asks Jimmy for Zac Efron's phone number... what did she think was going to happen?!
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
If you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company:
https://pure-gold.co/jimmy
Just click the link in the description to get your free copy of their investor guide.
Mention my name when you speak to them and you’ll get 6 months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.
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