Jimmy's Left Baffled by Heckler’s Dream of James Bond and a Bee Sting - Antwerp, Belgium

0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Oh hello and welcome to Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. This is a show I did in Antwerp and contains one of the strangest heckles I've ever had. There's James Bond, there's bee stings. What more could you possibly want? Have I ever got any threats?

0:46Yeah, some people have kicked off, but I think there's a big difference between Salman Rushdie and a proper fucking death threat and some prick on Twitter. There's a fucking difference. I'll be alright. I think. Also, I'll be a fucking legend if I get taken out. Right?

1:12Yeah, this clip will be on the news.

1:17How do I like Belgian beer? I had the fucking good stuff last time I was here. like someone went, we had to get a local to go and buy it. There's some beer that's made by some crazy fucking monks and they won't sell it to cunts like me. A local has to buy it. You have to bring your fucking driver's license and they'll sell six bottles to locals and you go, well, how fucking, it's fucking beer. How good could it be? It's good. I mean, it's really fucking good.

1:48Elton, the beer here is so good, The chips here are so good. Your French fries are so... Like, at home, if I see a fat cunt, I go, fucking go to the gym, mate. Here, I go, I get it. I get it. You see a guy with a big fucking heart attack waiting to happen just there. He's a fucking cooked breakfast away from a coronary attack. And you think, eh, worth it.

2:22Did I see the new Snow White? I'm boycotting the new Snow White, my friend. I'm boycotting it. Now, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I'm boycotting it, because I've got friends that are dwarves.

2:39Well, no, it's a problem. The dwarf community are very upset about the Snow White film because they use CGI nonsense rather than dwarf actors. Basically, they're angry, they're not grumpy.

3:03I hope I don't get cancelled by the dwarves again. I think I'll be all right, let me just practice.

3:14Yeah, I'm good.

3:19What?

3:23What do I think of the Catholic Church?

3:30You know what, my friend? You know what question you've got to ask yourself? As opposed to what? Right? Because, yeah, the Catholic Church. But look at what they offer, right? Let's say you read a lot about these jihadist guys, right, that blow shit up. And why do they do it? They do it because they get 72 virgins when they die. Become a Catholic priest and have them now.

4:02The Catholic Church did a lot of bad things, but they did a lot of good things too. I'm not a religious man, but they did a lot of good things. if you think about universities, right? You like universities and education and science. That all started with the monasteries. That's where knowledge was first accumulated, right? And the other thing they did, the Catholic Church, is they banned cousin marriage in about the year 1200. And that changed the face of Europe. Because, I mean, literally and metaphorically, we've now got chins because of those guys. The Catholic Church banned cousin marriage to break the tribes, because the tribes were as important, if not more important, than the church.

4:45And they wanted to break that, so they banned cousin marriage up to six cousins deep. Right? And that meant everyone had to get along with other people, and you had to trust other people, and you had to have contracts, and it took away nepotism and corruption. And it made us thrive. That was the unintended consequence. So the Catholic Church gave us modern Europe and I like it.

5:17What do I think about what? Vaping. Vaping. Vaping. I think fapping is... I'm all in favor. What, vaping as opposed to cigarettes? Because I got kids, it's some sort of trend. It's some kind of trend. The vaping? When a girl normally goes out, if the young girl goes out, it uses spray, uh, odor. Hang on a second, this is... I'm made of questions now, okay. When a young girl goes out, they... They use perfume now, but now there's a new trend they use the... So, girls used to wear perfume. I'm with you so far. And what's happening now? What's this new trend, my friend? Vaginal fluids. They use vaginal fluids.

6:14Okay.

6:17I'm gonna let you into a little secret, my friend. Man to man. I don't think anyone else is listening, I'll tell you. Guys really like the smell of pussy. So I could see how that would make sense.

6:35No one talks about it because men worry about dick size and women worry about vaginal odor. I'll let you know ladies, we're fine with it. So who, how do you know this sir? What's... How are you...

6:56Because... The girl in your basement told you? You know, you got them in there a couple of years, you get talking. How do you know this? I was scrolling. You were scrolling. Officers, move in, we got him.

7:21Oh my friend, I've scrolled and I've never come across this and when I say come across it's exactly what I mean So you're saying ladies are going out, young ladies and instead of putting on some perfume they're and they're good to go Okay

7:44Where's my 17 year old friend?

7:52I'm not going to embarrass you. I'm not going to embarrass you. I don't know who you with. Who are you with? Your dad.

8:03Do you mind, sir? I'm so sorry to impose. I know you're trying to enjoy your evening. But could you just... Just let me know.

8:19Oh wow. I can't tell the future. But I'm fairly sure that's going to be a quiet drive home.

8:33They're going to give each other a look after the show that suggests we'll never speak of this again. No, good on you.

8:44I'm so sorry. I was in Amsterdam and I asked one of the locals where Anne Frank's house was and he told me straight away.

8:58So I guess some of them did collaborate.

9:04Was she home? Was she home? Yeah, but she smelt weird. I think there was some...

9:21What did you say it was called vaping that's all we're gonna fucking Google when we get home What's it called again? Zepping V-A-P-P I'm looking this up I'm gonna see if that's fucking true Can't be fucking true can it

9:46I'm possessed. So, yeah. Okay. Well, there's a lot to unpack there. So that was, I had a crazy dream about James Bond and my grandmother thinks I'm possessed. What's that mean? Being stung by a bee. Being stung by a bee. You had a crazy dream about being stung by a bee. No, James Bond. You had a crazy dream about James Bond being stung by a bee, and your grandmother thinks you're possessed.

10:26Let's try and... OK, this is... We're in Belgium. This is the home of Poirot. Let's solve this mystery.

10:36OK, first things first. Are any of these items related to each other? Like, your grandmother thinks you're possessed. Is that related to the bee sting of James Bond? I have no idea. Fucking ask. Motherfucker. If someone says, I think you're possessed, you go, right. No, you go, why do you say that? Possessed. But how old are you, my friend? I'm 25 now. You're 25 now. Yeah, but how old were you three years ago?

11:16Yes, you're 25 now. That's how old you are. Just say 25. You loony. What do you do, my friend? Basically, I'm a social worker. Basically, I'm a social worker. Right now, you're 25 and basically a social worker. I'm going to save you so much time in life. 25 social worker.

11:44So you work with... I work with homeless people. You work with homeless people. Okay. They aren't prostitutes. They aren't prostitutes. The fact you've said that makes me think they're not prostitutes when I meet them. But after I've worked my magic, they're working the streets. That's a fucking great thing to be doing with yourself. Well done you. I'm slightly worried you might be possessed. I don't know your grandmother but I think she might have a good keen interest. What would your future self tell you right now?

12:39Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today. What would my future self tell me right now? That boy was possessed.

13:10Turns out.

13:18I don't know, I like the question though. I like the idea. I like that idea of life, of like you can give yourself gifts in the future. Like you're going to, you're going to, you're like time travel is possible, but only at this speed in this direction. We all get there eventually, and whether we look back with, you know, I don't know, regret or fondness, so it depends on the choices we make now. You can fucking have a million dollars in a six-pack But you gotta make the right choices in between so hopefully my future self would go thanks But it might go You fucked up Do I like what? Dancing Are you what?

14:00Yeah, that's a very valid criticism of my show. There's been markedly that very little dance in it. No, I don't like fucking dancing. I'm a fucking British man in his 50s. Why would I like fucking dancing?

14:19I'm Irish as well, so the Irish dancing is a pitiful fucking thing. So Irish dancing, it's just with the feet. You've seen that river dance thing. It's like people have been fucking paralyzed from the waist up. Which is fucking odd. Are you a keen dancer? I'm a dance teacher. You're a dance teacher? Yes. I'll find out. Who do you teach to dance? Uh, students? Students. Alright, Mr. Miyagi.

15:00I'm sort of looking for eight, is it kids? No. It's not kids. Adults. And you teach adults how to dance and how, I mean, you're basically a therapist. You teach women going through a midlife crisis how to meet a man. Oh, because it's a partner dancing. It's what Zoe? Partner dancing. It's partner dancing.