Jimmy's Puppet Impersonation Has The Audience In Stitches | Jimmy Carr Crowd Work - Stevenage, England

0:00Where's Virgil? What's your name? Where's Virgil? Where's Virgil?

0:08It's...okay, I did say he asked me anything. This guy's taking it fucking literally. He's on the lookout for a fella called Virgil. The fuck is that a reference to? Thunderbirds. Thunderbirds? That's quite an old reference, you know what? I'm not the guy from Quantum Leap. I haven't just arrived in the late 70s. The Thunderbirds, the 70s TV show, 60s TV show. I look a bit like a Thunderbird. Gotcha. Just say that. No one's disagreeing, by the way.

0:49I could do Captain Scarlet, the remake, couldn't I? It was always the legs that were a bit odd on Thunderbirds. The puppets could do the head, they could do the arms all right, but, whoa. Thunderbirds was, it was basically a kids' TV show where everyone had Parkinson's.

1:07We're gonna save the world. Should we not work on a cure for this? No, no, it'll save the world.

1:17You look like a skinny lesbian. What's that mean? You look like a skinny lesbian. I look like a skinny lesbian. I'm very much a glass half-full guy. I always try and see the good. Skinny lesbian, all I heard was skinny. Thank you. Daryl, what do you do for a living? A commercial manager. A commercial manager. Now, no one knows what that means. Go on, what do you do? I work in defence. You work in defence? Don't hit me. Don't hit me, I'm not a grass. What do you mean you work in defence? I'm paying my taxes. You pay your taxes? Well, you're probably PAYE, motherfucker. It's not like you've got a choice.

1:59If you work in defence, if you're in the arms industry and you're getting paid in cash, you're a wrong-un. So what bit of defence do you work in? I'm not asking for official secrets. What do you make? Missiles. Missiles. I'm going to ask... New drones!

2:25You think he makes missiles and they're used as dildos because of his mum's massive cunt.

2:38Elon Musk is working on a system to bring his mum off. He's not got the budget for it yet, so you make... You make missiles. I'll just double check. For us or our K-Do? Who are you? Ah, so fucking great. More power to you. Right on. Do you take it up the arse? Well, do I? No, well firstly, firstly sir, I would say, uh, stop flirting.

3:06Feels like a very Stevenage. The most heterosexual gay guy in the world. Oi! Oi! Do you take it up the arse? Only I'm one of those homosexuals. And I'm what they're calling a top these days. So if you're into it, let's meet up. No I don't, but thanks for asking. Very sweet. That felt like literally a cry for help there.

3:39I've met other gay guys, I don't know how it works. I imagine you just shout across the room at them.

3:50Are you talking about the time your wife used a strap-on on me? That's different. How come you've been single for two and a half years? What happened? Well, I left my husband. You left your husband. How come you left him? What happened? Oh, he had an affair with a 24-year-old family.

4:09What? That sounds lovely. Is that not... Sorry. What, you do the typing and you can fuck her? It sounds unbelievably fun. Is he still with her now? I probably know him. What, sorry? I probably know him. Most people in Stevenage probably do. Most people in Stevenage know him. What's his name? What's his name? That's name and shame, the motherfucker. I don't care.

4:41Is it like Voldemort? You can't say it.

4:46What's that? He doesn't have an estate agency in Stevenage. He has an estate agency in Stevenage. Oh!

4:55Oh, he sounds like a right cunt.

5:05Where's Watson?

5:10What? She can't remember who she is.

5:19You don't work as a secretary, do you?

5:29I've checked, it's not her. Can you wish my wife, Stacey, a happy 30th wedding anniversary and suggest how I can get through the next 30 years? She's running the marathon this year. and I haven't heard anything else for the last year. Stacey, what are you, Stacey? Hiya. Hi, Stacey. Are you running the marathon? I am. No one cares.

5:54Best you hear it from me. Are you doing it for charity, Stacey? Yes. Still don't give a fuck.

6:05Are you, what, is it the London Marathon? Yes. Are you running it on the same day as everyone else? That's literally the worst day to do the marathon. The day the London Marathon is on. Any other day, there's no other fucker on that route.

6:22Do you reckon you've got a chance, Stacey? Yes. I think a Kenyan lad's probably going to win, but...

6:34It's normally... But maybe Stacey from Stevenage will fucking kick in. Have you thought about taking performance-enhancing drugs, Stacey? No. No one's going to fucking test you. They're not drug-testing ladies running for charity. Have some fucking steroids.

6:59Good luck. Two pairs of socks and then you don't get blisters. That's what the pros do. Good. Brandon has just split from his missus. Cheer him up. Where are you, Brandon? Hi, Brandon. What do you do for a living, Brandon? Brandon, what do you do? What's the reason? Greenkeeper. You're a greenkeeper? Okay, you work outdoors, keeping golf courses nice. Sounds like a nice thing. Outdoors, good with your hands? Yeah. It's a proper, it's kind of man's work, that. I like that. Leilani, do you fancy a bounce on that?

7:43Hang on, I'll check. You're a Greenskeeper, you haven't got a secretary, have you?

7:58No problem at all, I'm here to help. What shoe size are you? What shoe size? I'm about, in these, I think I'm a nine and a half. Does it reflect? What, sorry? What, what, sorry? Does it reflect? Does it reflect?

8:19Oh. I'm doing all right. But let's, come on. Be a waste of time with you. Be like throwing a sausage up an alleyway.

8:33All right, come on. I imagine she's got a right fucking bucket on her. Some offence.

8:44I don't know if that does reflect shoe size and dicks. I don't think so. I don't think it's a thing.

8:54I haven't seen any evidence. What, sorry? You haven't seen any evidence? It's not Dream Boys. It's not Dream Boys, a lady is just... I presume that was directed at her. You've not just figured that out.

9:11This is all very well, but those trousers don't even look as if they've got Velcro on them. Here we go. What a world it would be.

9:24I should also say, if you're here for badminton, it's the wrong fucking night. Any life advice? I'm turning 20 this year. Any life advice? I'm fucking full of life advice, Abigail. What sort of area would you like? Anything for my 20s. Anything for your 20s? Okay. What's your name? Anything to look forward to. Okay, what are you doing with life at the moment? I work with dementia. You work with dementia? That's a piece of shit, a piece, isn't it? I mean, you just have to learn one joke that they like.

10:01Tell it every fucking hour.

10:09OK, so you're working... Do you find that easy? No. No. Do something else.

10:19I would think that's a good kind of life advice, is what do you find easy that other people find difficult? You don't have to answer it now, but what do you find like an absolute piece of piss and other people think? I mean, you seem very confident. A lot of people wouldn't shout out in a theatre. that already puts you in a subset of people I don't know hmm hmm do you want some serious advice there's a thing, some people think Jordan Peterson is the devil, he's a friend of mine, I think he's fucking great he's got a thing that you can go on, it's about$200 it's called self-authoring, it's a program and you write your life history and you write where you are now and it suggests where you go in the future it's just like a prompt, it's like going to see like a really brilliant psychologist for sort of 12 weeks.

11:05It's the equivalent of that. It's fucking amazing. I'd do that. But genuinely, I'll finger you in after the show.

11:16What was that? Your boyfriend can do that later. Your boyfriend can do that later. No, he can't. He'll be sitting in the cut chair watching me fuck you.

11:28Hello, the boyfriend. Sorry, I've been flirting with you. What do you do, mate? Tesco. Tesco? I fucking love Tesco! I do, genuinely. I fucking think Tesco is incredible. Keeps the scum out of Waitrose.

11:48What do you think of James Gordon? Like, I can't speak highly enough of James. When I got cancelled, remember I got cancelled, whatever, and you know, when you get cancelled, it ain't nothing. like I reached out to Gina or whatever it's like you think oh my career's over my life's over fuck it I'm going to get dropped from everything James was in Broadway doing a show and he called me every night in his interval it was about midnight here just to fucking check in for like 10 days in a row when I was going through it he's a mensch great guy there you go applause applause it's also the Gavin and Stacey fucking special was good wasn't it Fuck me.

12:31It's so good. And no one seems to have noticed the funniest thing about Gavin and Stacey. It's the Shipmans and the Wests.