In short
Jimmy Carr crowdwork in Portland, Oregon, roasting audience members and riffing on Portland culture (weed/IPAs, camping, homelessness), relationships, anniversaries, and disc golf, plus quick joke-based advice and celebrity/comedy references.
Guest backgrounds
Multiple audience members are singled out—Matt and Rita (one works from home; sexual/identity banter), Mary (cardiac ICU nurse), Steve (IT worker, shoulder surgery), Brendan and Kate (10-year anniversary), plus other unnamed attendees.
Key claims
Portland is unusually friendly; Portland is “too high” on IPAs/weed; long marriages succeed by lowering expectations; “best thing” (marijuana) is now too easy to get; disc golf is framed as a “grown man” obsession.
Notable examples
Sean Lock anecdote about “fucked a homeless woman”; “Last One Laughing” with Bob Mortimer; advice to Brendan: take Kate to a fancy dinner and “fuck gently,” no “pile driving.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOMother's Day Disappointments
0:46 to 2:29
Jimmy discusses the absurdity of Mother's Day with an audience member.
“What did I get my wife for Mother's Day?”
Discussion of Favorite Comics
2:29 to 4:39
Jimmy shares his thoughts on British and American comedians.
“What fantasy world are you living in where you find another man and he goes, Oh, it's an instant family.”
Appreciating Portland
4:39 to 6:30
Jimmy expresses his fondness for Portland and its quirky culture.
“I would say, I mean, obviously, on the Mount Rushmore, I mean, comedy's an American medium stand-up comedy, so Carlin, George Carlin and Richard Pryor, but...”
Interacting with the Audience
6:30 to 13:19
Jimmy interacts humorously with audience members Matt and Rita.
“You're all too fucking high and hopped up on IPAs.”
Cultural Comparisons and Observations
13:19 to 14:01
Jimmy compares Portland's vibe to other cities and shares his observations.
“What you've done is you've given her a bit too much.”
Observations on Camping and Homelessness
14:01 to 16:10
Jimmy discusses the thin line between camping enthusiasts and homelessness.
“It's like the camping as well, the obsession with camping equipment and the homeless population.”
Birthday Celebrations and Marriage Advice
16:10 to 19:06
Jimmy interacts with the audience about birthday celebrations and gives marriage advice.
“Ever since I've been an adult, I've been having sex with women.”
Steve's Surgery and IT Jokes
19:06 to 21:00
Jimmy makes jokes about an audience member's upcoming shoulder surgery and the IT field.
“Decide who's in the best shape out of the two of you.”
10-Year Anniversary Humor
21:00 to 23:14
Jimmy humorously addresses an audience member's 10-year anniversary.
“There's an ICU nurse over there who's going to struggle to give a fuck about you, Steve.”
10-Year Anniversary Humor
24:36 to 25:05
Jimmy humorously addresses an audience member's 10-year anniversary.
“Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Hello and welcome to Jimmy Carr Crowdwork, a podcast where I talk to crowds. It's, yeah, it's that simple. This is me in Portland, Portland, Oregon, where I talk to a man who's obsessed by disc golf. Of course he is. Did I mention this was in Portland?
0:45Yeah. Disc golf. He's a grown man. Ridiculous. What did I get my wife for Mother's Day? What did I get my wife for Mother's Day? Fuck all. She's not my mum.
1:02I'll tell you how I know. I fuck her.
1:10What? She's not. I'm not getting her anything.
1:19What? What's that? I also didn't get anything. You didn't get anything? No. It's because your kids don't like you.
1:32Occam's razor, that is the answer. How old are your kids? I have a three-year-old. You have a three-year-old, and you're worried that he didn't nip out to the shops and pick you out something nice. He didn't remember Mother's Day. The little prick.
1:54Go on, you've got a three-year-old and a...? I've got three, six and eight. Three, six and eight. Well, eight, I mean, they could have made you something. Do you need anything macrami around the house? No. I'm going to be a new husband. A new husband?
2:198, 6 and 3? Yeah.
2:25If he leaves, there's more chance of you hitting the powerball than catching another dick. So...
2:41Hold on tight, baby girl.
2:49What fantasy world are you living in where you find another man and he goes, Oh, it's an instant family. Good.
3:03What's your name? I heard you have a lovely singing voice. You were misinformed. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. Eight out of ten cats. Okay, Anna, you have... Anna, very much the vibe of the woman who's going to kill me.
3:20I'm going to wake up in a basement with my ankles fucked. I'm going to show you, like, hold on. Do you drink beer? Do you drink beer? Do I drink beer? Not enough to fuck that.
3:43I feel like the stars aligned for that to happen. Perfect. Like we worked together. What was the favourite part of it? I would say Bob Mortimer. For my generation of British comics, I'm not sure how well-known it is here. I did this thing for Amazon Prime, which might as well have been called Spend Jeff Bezos's Money. It was wonderful. Called Last One Laughing. We put ten comics in a house. The last one to laugh goes out. And I did it with a guy called Bob Mortimer. Now if you're British and around my age, Vic and Bob were, they did a thing called Big Night Out. It's worth checking out. I would suggest, now I don't know if anyone in, does anyone in Portland smoke weed?
4:28Does anyone? Oh you do? Oh, it's all you fucking do. Yeah. Have an IPA and a spliff and watch Big Night Out. It is the funniest fucking thing. It's a pretty good show. Who's your greatest American comic? The greatest American comic? I would say, I mean, obviously, on the Mount Rushmore, I mean, comedy's an American medium stand-up comedy, so Carlin, George Carlin and Richard Pryor, but... But... For me, the latter day is Louis C.K. and Chris Rock. For me. And it's... I mean, I'm... But it's all fucking great. And then there's... There's so many. So fucking many. Oh, I know it. But I was curious...
5:15We're spoiled. Yeah. If I had to make a Mount Rushmore. But also, I'd put me on there because... It's exactly my sense of humor. But the... What's your favorite color? What's my favorite color? This feels politically charged.
5:38Shall I go Bloods or Crips? With this complexion, Crips.
5:49What's my favorite thing about Portland? Well, I like very strong body odor.
5:57Really, this is the town for me. there are some crunchy motherfuckers out there and don't think they will respect your space right up fucking in there I fucking, I really like it though it's so nice it's like, it is, you all, you've travelled right? it's a weird thing where if you don't get out and I spend a lot of time travelling around America this is a very, very friendly town Are you all aware of that? It's fucking amazing. You're all too fucking high and hopped up on IPAs. My wife often calls out your name in bed, but is offended when I do the same. You are both of our hall pass. Much love, Matt and Rita.
6:51Where's Matt and Rita? Hi, Matt. Can we turn up the lights? I want to see Matt and Rita. See what I'm... Hello. I'm fucking thrilled with this. I can't believe my luck. So are you a bisexual man, Matt? No, I worked on like a month of that with my co-workers to try to figure out something... You're saying you're not a bisexual man? Agree to disagree, Matt.
7:25I think just from the way he went, I actually worked with my co-workers on that for some weeks, suggests, yeah, I'm not saying you're gay, Matt, but I imagine you help out if someone doesn't turn up.
7:42Oh, they're a man down. I'll be back in a bit, love.
7:48What about you, Rita? You all right? What do you do, Rita? What do I do? Yeah. I work from home. No, no, I mean sexually where do you draw the line?
7:59I work from home. What's wrong? I work from home. I work from home. I think I may be charged for this. It's very nice to meet you both. I won't spit on you when we have sex tonight. I won't spit on you when I have sex tonight. That's a Sean Lock line, I believe, delivered to Miles Jupp.
8:23I mean, it's very nice to be reminded of my friend Sean Lock. He's a very funny boy.
8:31Funniest thing Sean ever said to me. We're in a bar. There's about, I don't know, six or eight of us around the table. He's at the other end. I'm chatting away to someone. Out of nowhere, he just went, I fucked a homeless woman last night. Whole place goes quiet. I went, what? I said, what? You want a fucked homeless woman? I said, what happened? He said, I was walking past this homeless woman, I didn't have any change, and you can't just give him nothing.
8:56Fucking lunatic. I got a joke for you. You've got a joke for me? Well, I don't know and or trust you, so give me the set up and I'll tell you whether it's... Okay, so last night I was walking past this homeless guy, you know? No, thank you.
9:17Also, I wouldn't kick off with the voice, the way your voice is, sir. I don't know what happened. I'm guessing not a tremendous amount of oxygen around your birth, but...
9:31If you're going to open with a walk past a homeless guy, you sound like you're fucking two days away from that, so... I mean, you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can tell the fucking price.
9:47Also, also, don't be slagging off the homeless here in Portland where... Let's face it, it's one of the fucking, it's one of the reasons to visit. Have you been downtown? Have you seen the, they've got like a whole interactive Walking Dead park thing.
10:13Some of them are bent over double. Oh, it's wonderful. It's all sponsored by fentanyl. Go on, what are you saying? Sean Locke. Go on. Sean Locke. We just talked about him. You love him, we love him. Talk about him. We just did. You've got dementia. What a way to find out.
10:41Presumably you're only sat down the front because you walk towards the light.
10:48Go on. What are your three favourite things and what do you hate about them? What are my three favourite things and what do I hate about my three favourite things? So what are my three favourite things and what do I hate about them? Well, what I would say in answer to that is, marijuana is now too easy to get. And you have had too much of it. Oh, yeah, man, what's your worst thing about your best thing?
11:21Get a proper fucking job.
11:27You filthy hippie. And that's not just her. No, that's the whole of Portland.
11:42All I know from that question is you do not shave downstairs.
11:54I imagine it looks like she's sitting on Don King's shoulders.
12:05You can smell it from here, Jesus. Ah! Ah!
12:16Yeah. Why Portland? Why Portland? Oh, this town is fucking incredible.
12:24And today, because I mean, honestly, I've been here in the winter. The two, I would say the two... Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it, style it, make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Best days of the year in Portland Christmas and summer
Read the full transcript
13:06It didn't rain
13:11Throw a fucking parade, but it's fucking great so friendly it's so nice
13:18Okay, sir, I understand what you've done there you've thought I'll apply her with booze so she'll fuck me What you've done is you've given her a bit too much.
13:32Is there a Portland in Britain? Is there a Portland in Britain? I would say there's bits of Brighton. Brighton's got a similar vibe. It's just like it's people that go, what, deodorant? No, I've never heard of it.
13:51It's not as outdoorsy as this though. There's something about the kind of ruggedness people going, yeah, I'm going to go camping, where a bear's going to fucking eat my face. Okay. It's like the camping as well, the obsession with camping equipment and the homeless population. It's a fucking thin line between the two, isn't it? Like, there's people walking past homeless people going, it's a nice sleeping bag.
14:21It's nice.
14:25I've got a condo but I've seen those and that is a great unit. Look at that little stove. Portland! Am I what, sorry? Are you scared of Portland? Just you.
14:38But really, that's not your fault. That's just how the crone has been depicted in our sort of shared culture. I just look at you and I imagine you've got two of your friends outside sitting by the cauldron going, where is she?
15:00She's probably just nipped out to get some eye of Newt.
15:09Here, Rachel, girl, cake or pie? Cake or pie? Are you saying what's my nickname for your vagina? I will...
15:27What he calls your vagina?
15:37I told you you didn't have a large vagina, but the echo undermined me.
15:48I think pie, like a nice, I had like a slice of apple pie today. I just felt like, oh. Was it warm? Of course it was fucking warm. What are we, fucking barbarians?
16:06Jesus. Have you ever played disc golf? Woo! I feel like this is going somewhere.
16:19Have I ever played... Disc golf. Frisbee golf.
16:29Disc golf. Oh, frisbee golf. No, I've... Ever since I've been an adult, I've been having sex with women. So... But I... No. No, but I appreciate incel culture, I'm sure.
16:57Frisbee golf? No. There's alternatives, sir. You could kill yourself.
17:10We're here for my 41st birthday. Glad you came to Portland. Mary Hess. Where's Mary? Where are you, Mary? Happy birthday. Where's Mary? What do you do, Mary? I'm a nurse. How did you do that?
17:30Extraordinary, Mary. The speed you move at. What kind of a nurse are you, Mary? I work in the cardiac ICU. You work in the cardiac ICU, intensive care unit. Have we got any other nurses in? There are other nurses? Yeah. Well, all I can tell you other nurses is Mary doesn't rate you.
17:57No, I don't think she does, because she's an intensive care nurse. I'm sure the other nurses care. But not like she cares. She's like, oh, I hope they fucking make it. Whereas the other ones are just, eh.
18:19The cardiac intensive care. And are you busy at the moment? No. You're not. Boo!
18:35I gotcha, happy birthday.
18:40I've been with my wife for 37 years. Any recommendations to spice things up in the bedroom? I feel like I have no new tricks up my sleeve. Okay, so who's been together with their missus for 37 years? Hi. Hi. Someone over there. I would say manage your expectations 37 years in. I don't know if you need spice. I'll tell you what's nice. Plain stuff.
19:13Go easy on the hips.
19:21Decide who's in the best shape out of the two of you. They go on top.
19:29I don't know about spicing things up, It strikes me that happiness is your current situation minus expectations. Low your expectations. And fucking congrats, 37 years. I love it. Well done, you. All right, what else we got? My husband, Steve, goes in for surgery on Friday. Thanks for lifting his spirits beforehand. Where's Steve? Where are you, Steve? Hi, Steve. Steve, what are you having done, my friend? You're having your shoulder done? Right. What, how did you injure it? What happened? Work accident. A work accident? What do you do? IT.
20:18Hey, hey, less of that. Takes, takes bravery to admit that's how you injured it.
20:33It's a repetitive strain, isn't it? It's those algorithms. They keep coming up with stuff you like. Oh.
20:46We're lucky to still have you, Steve.
20:52Good luck in your recovery, and maybe try the other arm. Feel like someone else would do it.
20:59Oh yeah, it's an old shoulder injury. You know, from IT.
21:09There's an ICU nurse over there who's going to struggle to give a fuck about you, Steve.
21:17She's a wonderful woman, Mary. She's going to struggle to fucking care about this. Oh, who's this fucking wanker? It's Steve. Good luck with the surgery, my friend. It's our 10-year anniversary. One of us thinks it's a big deal, the other doesn't. Can you be the tiebreaker? Whose 10-year anniversary is it? Where are you? Ours. Ours? Hi. What's your name, sir? Brendan. Brendan. Hi, Brendan. And what's your missus name? Kate. Hi, Kate. Couple of things here. Now, I'm not a mind reader. I don't have any special powers. but I'm guessing, Brendan, you don't think it's a big deal. And she does. Am I right?
22:03How'd you do that?
22:08It's a gift. Yeah, there is a special name for people that hold anniversaries dear. Women.
22:20It's not... I mean, I think you're going to be okay. you've just went when's the actual anniversary is it today four days ago it's a 10-year one though so that gives it you've got a season you've got a week or so to celebrate so tonight's part of that happy anniversary it's wonder he's he made this arrangement beforehand that I would personally say hello because it means so much to him
22:49You fucking didn't. A couple of things you've got to do, Brendan. You've got to take her out for a nice fancy dinner. Yeah? And you've got to fuck her gently. Lights off, dimmer switches, the whole fucking thing. No fucking pile driving. No special moves. Otherwise you'll never make it to 37 years.
23:13I think that'd be alright.
23:19What's a good 10 year anniversary gift? What are we thinking? Anal. Anal? Kate, strap one on, fuck Brendan in the arse. Yeah.
23:38Great thinking, this is the wisdom of crowds. 37 years married, I bet you've never been pegged. Get involved.
23:50What could possibly go right? What else have we got? Full disclosure, if you mention my name, when you buy gold at the Pure Gold Company, they will give me a tiny bit more gold. That's how this all works. I wouldn't lie to you, just being honest. I am not a grifter. I wouldn't sell you something that I don't use myself, so I use the Pure Gold Company. If you'd like to invest in physical gold as well, just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co slash jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of storage secure for your bullion absolutely free.
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From the publisher
It's safe to say disc golf isn't on Jimmy's list of things to try.
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
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https://pure-gold.co/jimmy
Just click the link in the description to get your free copy of their investor guide.
Mention my name when you speak to them and you’ll get 6 months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.
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