Jimmy's SAVAGE Takedown of American Heckler Insulting British Food - Huntington, USA

0:00Hello and welcome to Jimmy Carr Crowdwork. This is me in Huntington, USA, and a heckler had the nerve to criticise British food. Needless to say, I took care of matters. You're welcome. Iran. What's going on? Iran. I don't know who's going to win the war between America and Iran, but I suspect it's going to be Lockheed Martin.

0:28Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up, it shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today

1:02Have I ever played disc golf no heterosexual

1:17That feels like a sort of a gay chat-up line from a bygone era You know, because it hasn't been legal that long to be a gay man, so you've gone... Disc golf?

1:32You might as well have said, I'm sorry, is that cum on your moustache?

1:41Do you eat ass? Do you eat ass? Oh, he's already offered very kindly.

1:54No, thank you. I've already eaten.

2:01No, I don't eat. But I do talk shit, so I don't know.

2:09Does that suit come in men sizes? You know I can see you

2:19I'm six foot tall with a 30 inch waist You, my friend, are a blob

2:30Why did you stand up? You're proud of that? What are you wearing? Fucking turquoise? Hang on.

2:50He's got a turquoise shirt on, which I think is a sartorial way of saying, disc golf, anyone?

3:00Why is British food shit? Why is British food shit? I think it's pretty good. It depends where you go, sir. Where have you been to? Where were you in London? You've never been?

3:15No.

3:19Well, I mean, we've got like, we've got Jamie Oliver and we've got Gordon Ramsay and we've got Heston Blumenthal, some of the greatest Michelin-starred chefs in the world. You've got, of course, you've got your own. You've got Ronald McDonald and Wendy. And the Burger King. Which I think goes some way towards explaining why you're such a fat cunt.

3:45It's alright, he's taken that on the chins.

3:52Huh!

3:58You love the word wanker. Okay. She says hi.

4:08Putting people together. What's your name? Favorite kind of music. I've got quite sort of broad taste, but I like probably the Killers is my favorite band. I don't know. I like Morrissey a great deal. I like, I don't know. Yeah, indie rock and roll for me. What about you? What do you like? Classic rock. Classic rock? Course you fucking do. She's from Staten Island. She's from Staten Island? How dare you, sir?

4:41I don't even know if you're allowed to say that these days. You want to say that? Morrissey versus The Cure. Morrissey versus The Cure? Morrissey all day long, my friend. I'm, I'm, I, yeah. I saw him live, like, last year. It was un-fucking-lievable. If you ever get the chance, go. It's unbelievable that he didn't cancel. He has canceled a lot of gigs, but in fairness, he's fucking Morrissey. What do you want? What's better, Boston or New York comedy? What's better, Boston or New York comedy? Austin! Austin! Wow. You're such a brave boy. You've overcome so much. And now look, he's out with a carer.

5:25Austin! Austin! Austin, damn me!

5:34The little retarded boy that could. Proud of you. I'm proud of you. A thin, a thin comedy. What's the secret to being a great comedian? What's the secret to being a great, I mean, I'd be honored if you thought I was a great comedian, but I think it's probably, it's self-assignment. Comedy's taught me everything I know about life, right? Life is self-assignment. Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up.

6:19It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today. You know, what's the metric you judge it on? Well, you decide. So I write jokes every day. I'm going to tell some new jokes at the end of the show. That's that's it Just fucking decide what what you're gonna do and do it The the life that you want is on the other side of the work you're avoiding

6:51Kubrick what do you think about what do I think about Stanley Kubrick? I think he was maybe the he's a genuine artist There's a lot of filmmakers a genuine artist and I also think he filmed the moon landings I think he filmed the rehearsals. Obviously, it was the middle of the Cold War when they landed on the moon. They didn't just go up there and go, just take a camcorder, Neil, do your best. They fucking... So the fake moon landings were real, they were just the rehearsals. And Kubrick used the lenses from the moon landings on every film he made after Barry Lyndon. NASA didn't have a fucking yard sale afterwards.

7:28That's how they paid him. Anyway. If you could have partied with any Saturday Night Live cast, who would it have been? If I could have partied with any Saturday Night cast, who would it have been? Mmm. I think it would have been, uh, uh, uh, uh, it's a fucking tough question. Because obviously, Belushi, you would go, yeah, but you might end up dead. You could very much be face down in a swimming pool going, that was a hell of a night out.

8:01I love Dan Aykroyd. I kind of love the quirkiness of Dan Aykroyd. It's a fucking amazing show. You're doing so many shows every year. You're still enjoying every one of them? Or is it more routine for you? Can someone get me ice, please?

8:19I think... I don't think... Nothing about that sounds illegal to me.

8:29No, it's literally, you know when people say, live in the dream, that's the expression, right? People say, live in the dream. I dreamt of this. I dreamt of being an international touring comic, and I cannot tell you how glamorous it feels to be playing America. It's fucking incredible for me. So it's never... It's also, this bit of the show, obviously I write jokes, I want to always write jokes, because that's kind of my love language, is one-liners, and I want there to be 300 jokes in a show that you can enjoy and you laugh and the dopamine and all the rest of that. But also this bit, chatting to people live, is what keeps it very fresh for me.

9:04Because every show is different.

9:10Now, let's find out if you can stay in America. Where are you from, my friend? You're from Russia. Oh.

9:23Right. Now, I don't know how to break this to you, but we're sort of, we were, we had a cold war and we're now in a hot peace. Ah. No, sleep a cell for you.

9:41Go on, that guy there, the bald guy. Do you like Eddie Hizzard? Do I like Eddie? Yeah, I like Eddie. We spent a bit of time together. Susie now, but yeah. He, she is, yeah. Big influence on me early on. Go on, what's that? Do I like spicy food? Yes, I do like spicy food. It's ever so nice. Gad Saad explained it to me recently. Do you know Gad Saad? Brilliant Lebanese Darwinian evolutionist. He won't lie, this is not funny, but... But spicy food. If you think about where food is spiciest, it's from the hottest regions. It's to kill pathogens. So if you go to Mexico and you go to India, it's the same level of spice because they're on the same longitude.

10:27Weird, but true. It's also why you get morning sickness is pathogens. When you're building the baby's organs, in those weeks you get morning sickness because it's a sensitivity to pathogens, goes through the roof. It's a feature, not a bug. You should never take medication for morning sickness. You're meant to feel sick and get sick because if you get sick in those weeks, that's how a congenital heart problem happens. Anyway.

10:58Big jokes. You've got my friend on a t-shirt. That's fucking... That's such a nice thing to do, man. He's got a picture of Sean Locke on his t-shirt. It's amazing. What did you say?

11:16Yeah.

11:21That's very cool. There we go. Give it to him. There we go. There we go. That's a fucking great, that's fucking excellent, man. Thank you so much. Thanks for taking the time. I really appreciate it. That's such a... I'll tell you that. Let me tell you, I'll tell you one quick Sean Locke story. So Sean Locke's a guy I worked with for like 16 years, and he was fucking great. He's no longer with us. But the first time I ever met him was in Kilkenny, the comedy festival. And I'd never seen him live before. It was like 23, 24 years ago. I'd just started comedy. He'd been going a bit longer. I snuck in the back of the room, and the first thing I ever heard Sean say on stage was, how do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

11:58Pick it up, suck its cock.

12:07No, it works!

12:12Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. Thanks for listening. Now, I know you're thinking, how can I be more like Jimmy? Well, off the top of my head, you could have cosmetic surgery, a hair transplant, and get your teeth pimped. But also, you could buy gold. Gold has retained its value over the years far more so than cash. And it comes with less anxiety than crypto or Pokemon card investments. I buy gold with a pure gold company, and you can too. Now, obviously, I'm not a financial advisor, so, you know, go and see one of those before you invest all your money in gold. And then, you know, go buy gold. I am not a grifter.

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