Roasting an Absolute UNIT In The Front Row - Canterbury, UK

0:00This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hello and welcome to Jimmy Carr Crowdwork, the podcast where I talk to crowds. This is me in Canterbury, where I talk to an absolute unit in the first row.

0:41Enjoy. Munging! What's going on? Munging! Well, sometimes, sometimes... No, I like it when people join in. Some people don't know words. But they can make a noise, can't they? Munging. M-u-n-g-i-n-g. Munging. Well look, I would Google it, but, oh, I'm at work. So, it would probably be best if you just told us what munging is. What's munging? Well, you know what you said about the graveyard thing, sex in a graveyard. Sex in a graveyard, yes, I did make a joke about that earlier. It's when they dig up a corpse. It's when you dig up a corpse. And they don't find it. And you, you, they...

1:34I think everyone's jumped ahead to how does he know this.

1:41The problem with the necrophiliacs is they think they're going to get away with it. But they won't, they'll be caught eventually, some rotten cunt will split on them.

1:59that can't be real can it you've got another one are you at the early show because an ankle tags about to go off is that right do you call them ankle tags I call it chav nav good to know where he is go what's go please sir the gangbang The gangbang party pump the... The gangbang party pump the... the corpse, yes. And then... like, draw straws. And then they draw straws. It's a very civilised moment in that evening. A gang of ne 'er-do-wells... Guys you met in prison, I would imagine, on that... on the special non-swing have... Okay. Picture the scene. They've all fucked a corpse to completion.

2:51And then it's, gentlemen, it's time to draw straws. It feels almost like this definitely doesn't happen. But go on, they draw straws. Mouth over the orifice. Mouth over the orifice and then... Jump on it, follow. They jump on it and then it squirts out. Wow.

3:18It's a lot, isn't it? I think we can all pretty much guarantee that never happened. But Christ, I'm interested in you. What's your name, my friend? Your Guy. A surprising lack of detail your parents gave. What do you say? We should call him Guy. Is it a boy? Yeah, it's a guy. Who's this? Some guy. Very non-specific name. All right, Guy? What do you do, Guy? You're what, sorry? You go, what do you do? Yeah, I work faster. You plaster? What? Corpses?

4:09I'll be like a fucking ice drink when I'm finished with it. Come on lads. I've forgotten the straws. I've ruined the evening. You're a fucking maniac, but I like you a lot. Thanks for joining in. What's the worst thing you've ever heard during a show? The worst thing I've ever heard during a show?

4:32I don't know where you were 20 seconds ago, but this guy. And I mean that literally and figuratively. Do I own any leisure wear? Do I own any leisure wear?

4:54Are you trying to seduce me? I feel like you're trying to seduce me. Do you want any leisure wear? Like a strap-on? Depends what you do with your leisure time.

5:16Yeah, I mean, I occasionally dress down, but I always dress up for shows. I hope this is okay. It's beige. I always dress up for shows because I think it's sort of a mark of respect. people have come out and they've paid good money for a show, I think the least you could do is fucking put a tie on. Not you, obviously, you look terrible. What have you come as? The world's biggest fucking toddler? What's that? Look at the state of it. Jesus. Who did your hair cut to council? I imagine, I imagine you are considered quite the card at the local Wetherspoons.

5:53It's a joke. He's not allowed in Wetherspoons What's your name my friend? James James James Like he's just recovered from a stroke James What do you do James? What's your name? You finished uni You've just finished uni You look 45

6:21The fuck are you talking about? James! James! That's how he pronounces it. It's actually not the same name as James. James! How old are you, my friend? I'm 23. You're 23!

6:41Can you just show people, can you stand up and show people? Because I don't think I'm wrong.

6:55Where's... can everyone just maybe look under your seats? Has anyone seen his neck?

7:02Have a look round, maybe somewhere. Yeah, he wasn't able to turn his head and look at you, was he? He had to stand up and turn around because... that bit's fucking missing from our James. What did you study? I'm going to guess astrophysics. Go on, what did you study? Quantity surveying. Quantity surveying? I imagine for you that involved going, there are three apples.

7:30There are two bananas. There are no donuts because I fucking ate them all.

7:42I fucking love it, man. Who's the biggest comedian I could take in a fight? It's a great question. Greg Davis, not a chance in fucking hell. He's six foot fucking seven. He's a fucking giant. I had a party a while back and Greg Davis was there and Steve Merchant was there and they were having a conversation above us. It's like being kids again. What are the grown ups talking about? I don't think I'd be great in a fight. I don't know, maybe... Richard and I won't. No way could I take Richard. I think I could probably take Catherine Ryan. What? John Richardson. John Richardson? He might be here.

8:38Josh Whittacom I could take. Yeah, I feel confident. Feels like we're having an auction now of comedians I think I could take in a fight. What's the name? Warwick Davis.

8:56I don't know about Warwick Davis. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.

9:02In 2020, I tried to take my own life and didn't see a way out of my depression. Your shows on Netflix and clips on social media gave me something to laugh about when all I saw was darkness. I've been out of hospital for two years now and finally get to see you live with my wonderful partner Hannah Thanks for being the light in the dark Thank you.

9:52If you want to say hello now, you're more than welcome. Where are you? Good. Sorry? Can we turn up the lights? Is that okay? Hi, man.

10:08I teared up a little. I'm so thrilled with that. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

10:20It's very odd. it's a, it's a, it's a very old thing. And obviously it's nothing to do with me. Uh, but it's a, it's a lovely thing. I'm glad you said that. This episode is brought to you by chat GPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons podcast. Have you guys heard about chat GPT work? It's the new way to use chat GPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give chat GPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at chatgpt.com by selecting work mode available on plus and pro plans.

10:59Because I think a lot of people, when they see that, they go, oh, I can sort of see beyond it. I really, and the honesty to sending a message. It takes time, but it gets better. Thank you.

11:17It's amazing. And thank you, Hannah, as well. I know it's like, with any of that, it's that thing of, I think sometimes when you're depressed, it's about being an individual. You're on your own. You're sort of in your own head. And we've all got dispersed identities. Our identities are who we are with our friends, with our family, with our other halves. And when you go to that, it's sort of better. So thank you for being there for him as well. That's amazing. That's really made my day. That's made my week. Incredible.

11:51What's your darkest joke? I'll tell some fucking edgy jokes at the end. Don't panic. There's no chance of you leaving here going, no, it's pretty mild. We'll get there. What's your name, my friend? James. James. What do you do, James? Drive. Drive. It feels like you probably, I mean, just going on, I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can tell the price. It feels...

12:19This is in the bargain bin. This is... It feels like a lot of your driving probably involves four guys getting into the car and going, Fucking go, James! Fucking go! I think I killed him! Go! Who do you drive for, James? Yep, got it.

12:39I can't continue this conversation without my brief. Go on, who did you drive for, James? You could tell us. I don't want to name drop. You don't want to name drop? No, yeah, you're right not to name drop. The Queen always said to me, she said...

13:02DJs, celebrities, anyone that wants a driver that will sell them Coke. This guy. What's it like being a Funko Pop? What's it like being a what? What's it like being a fucko park?

13:19Funko park. Have you just realized you can't speak? It's a rip. It's it's a very interesting mix often you get people that can't speak, but they they they lack confidence Well, you get people that can speak and they're very confident. Yeah, but you're you're you're an interesting mix Don't know how words work.

13:46What the fuck are you talking about? What's it like being a fucker park? I don't know, man. Well, let's start with the basics. What's your name? Come on, you'll know this.

14:02What is it? Ryan. Okay. They fucking roll the dice on that speech impediment. We'll call him Ryan, we'll see. Might have to change it. And what were you asking? What's it like being a... A Funko pub. A Funko pop. It's a toy with a big head. A Funko pop.

14:31It's not a reference I'm familiar with, Ryan. Because I'm a fucking grown-up.

14:47What do you do, Ryan? What do you do for a living? You cook. I cook.

14:55I comedian.

15:00This feels like a mildly racist cowboy movie now. You cook. What do you cook? Because there's different... They're a chef. You know you're a chef if your work is done when the souffle rises. And you know you're a cook if your work is done when the microwave goes poppity ping. Where do you work? You work at Wetherspoons.

15:29Cook. You're not a cook, you're a microwave technician.

15:38Fucking great. Ask him for a friend. He's a driver. He's been barred from Wetherspoons. Could he get back in? And who are you here with? Who's this? That's my girlfriend. Is it? What's your name, love? Danielle. Hi, Danielle. Feels like you could have done better.

15:59What are you getting back at your dad for, Danielle?