Ron the Software Engineer Can’t Catch a Break From Jimmy's Violations! | Jimmy Carr Crowd Work - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

0:00Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear? Step into a local Crocs store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest Crocs store today. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr, and this is Crowdwork, where I talk to audiences. This is me in Philadelphia, talking to a man called Ron, who's a software engineer. And, yeah, it's, uh, I think I'm a little bit mean. Maybe too mean. I hope Ron's all right.

0:45I think he's funny. No birds! What's your name? No birds! No birds! No birds! No birds! No birds! Birds. No birds. No birds! Snowbirds.

1:03Snowbirds? I don't think you can say that. I think you've got to say Eskimo women now.

1:12Snowbirds? Snowbirds! Snowbirds! What the fuck is going on? I think... Snowbirds! Snowbirds! Snowbirds! Look, you've clearly got an accent. I don't have an accent. This is how things sound when they're pronounced properly. Are you saying snowbirds? L-P-S-Eagles! Oh, the eagles. Oh. Snowbirds! Yes. L-S-X! Okay. I mean, I've got very little on the Eagles, other than, well done. I guess I'm a big fan of your local sports team.

2:20Did they win? Have they won? they won a thing did they oh score if there is scoring they pinned the other team did they or scored a try or a goal or some such fucking nonsense go guys we don't know all 12 or 15 of them how many of them are there how many in a team Yeah, no, I'm with you. How many? 56? Oh, fuck off. That's too many. That's too many. You can't even learn the fucking names. Joke about disabled people. Joke about disabled people. What have you got, my friend? You what, sorry? I can't drink water. It fucks up my back. I can't walk. You can't... Drink water. You can't drink water. The fuck are you talking about?

3:20You're not a gremlin.

3:26Can you be fed after midnight? I don't know. You've based your disability on an 80s movie. The fuck are you talking about? You can't drink water, it fucks your back up. You're a camel, are you? Oh, I store it back there just in case I have to make my way across a desert. What the fuck are you talking, what have you got? What's the matter with you? I'm guessing it's mental.

3:59Your body doesn't process salt. So I need a... I can't drink regular water. You can't drink regular water. What happens?

4:11No. You, you, hey. Hold him down, come on, let's fucking... Let's see what happens. What happens if you're down like water? My back will lock up. Your back will lock up. I don't care. He'd have to carry you out of here. It'd be all right. And you've got a little walking stick there. And you get to park wherever you want.

4:41You get to park wherever you want. Ooh. Just, I'm not, what's your name, my friend? Jonah. Hi, Jonah. I'm not, I don't want to be aggressive. I'm just saying, I just want to put this out there, I saw one of your lot parking in one of our spaces the other day.

5:03Fucking watching you, Jonah. Fucking watching you. I've actually got a great life hack. Do you want a life hack? OK. Park in the disabled space.

5:17That's it. Well, here's okay you park in the disabled space much more convenient time saver for you, right? If anyone calls you out on it just go. Oh, sorry Is this space for disabled people or is this a space for people that have made someone disabled?

5:42It works So what do you do for a living? What do you what do you make? I build events. You build live events? Of course you do. The fuck are you talking about? What kind of live events? Stuff like this. Stuff like this, you put on concerts and things. Alright, lovely. Fucking nice to have you here. Good luck with the whole not drinking water thing.

6:09I'm not a doctor, but I think you've got about three days to live.

6:15In this fucking heat, maybe two. I don't think you're going to make it, Jonah. But I'm pleased you're here. I'm pleased all of you are here, but especially Jonah. It's a big deal that you've chosen to spend an evening with me, but to choose to spend your last night... LAUGHTER That really means something. APPLAUSE

6:40Is that your other half, madam? Yeah. Well, I'd say other half. Other two-third.

6:49Look at the fucking size of it. Your hands barely meet there, sir. Fucking hell. You're a big unit, fella. You all right? What's your name? Ron. Ron? All right, Ron. What do you do, Ron? Software engineering. Software engineer. Well, you've got the build for it.

7:15You're a donut away from housebound.

7:26Fucking hell. I just... And it's lovely to talk to you, Ron. I appreciate you being here, but I feel bad because there might be people here that own a buffet and you're very triggering for them. I'm thinking I'm out of business if that walks in. Hey Chicago, class it up with Crocs You know back to school is coming in fast So why wait to find your new fave footwear Step into a local Crocs store And step into your new look Try it, style it, make it yours Because the right pair doesn't just show up It shows off First day fits, handled Walk out ready for whatever's next Visit your nearest Croc store today.

8:40You may not be the healthiest, Ron, but... You can drink water.

8:48Let's focus on the positives.

8:56Talk about midgets. Well, midgets say they're discriminated against, don't they? Midgets all say they're discriminated against, but I wouldn't trust one as far as I could throw it.

9:10I actually, I got in trouble for, I got accused of making jokes about midgets and they caused a big fuss in the papers and I was gonna sort of clap back but I thought, do you know what, I'll be the bigger man.

9:25I just, I got death threats from the midget community but all All I did was I upped security at home. I got some baby gates fitted.

9:41What, sorry? They could punch me in the kneecaps. They could punch me in the kneecaps? Oh, okay.

9:51Was it funny in your head?

9:55There's a skill to this. I'm 92 and with my kids be as gentle as possible who's 92? go on hang on can we turn the lights up where am I looking? hi it's very nice to have you here thanks very much

10:19I'm frankly amazed you're sat back there I thought you would have walked towards the light

10:3192 and you look in terrific shape sir if you don't mind me saying you look like you could drink a glass of water

10:40and see your own cock

10:49it's been a while hasn't it Ron You're guessing it's in there somewhere. Iran! Iran? Iran? Iran? Yeah, looks... You seem pretty calm for people at war.

11:14Well, let's stick with this for a fucking second, shall we? Feels like a big topic. I'm not sure what's happened there. I'm not sure whether it was a response from President, because President Trump, he's very difficult to read isn't he? President Trump. You don't know whether it's four-dimensional chess or whether someone in the Iranian nuclear program called him gay once.

11:45We don't know. Those are the two options. Four-dimensional chess, or someone went, Trump is gay. Fucking show him. Ah,

12:02turns out you're military. We got any military in? Where's the military?

12:09Thank you for your service. It turns out you're very fucking good at it.

12:17They blew up a fucking mountain. They missed! What do you mean? They missed. I don't think they missed. Did you take Latin at school? Did I take what? Latin. Did I take Latin at school? Yes, of course, I went to school.

12:37What's that? Do you remember any of that? Pu-er molestus.

12:44Naughty boy.

12:48Eating ass. What's that? Eating ass. Eating ass? I've only just met her, sir. she asked if I studied Latin at school I feel it's she's up for it okay

13:17did I forget an opening act? no I will do longer than you're expecting