In short
Jimmy Carr performs crowdwork in Christchurch, New Zealand, mixing jokes about politics and current events (Donald Trump, Epstein, Greenland), New Zealand culture (women’s suffrage, “yeah/nah”), and sexual consent/sex-life “slogans,” plus playful questions about life advice, baby names, and Disney princesses.
Guests
No named co-hosts; multiple audience members are heckled directly. Notable individuals include “Jaunty” (a young man who says he investigates migrant exploitation; also jokes about sex), Jessica (a makeup artist with tattoos; her mom Sally appears), Holly (a woman Carr calls for), and “Connie” (a woman Carr asks about her sexual boundaries; she answers “Straight”).
Key claims/examples
“No condom, no hubba hubba” as “rape prevention”; “It’s not rape if you say yes” (treated as a joke); New Zealand’s “most common crime” as ram raiding; “Don’t be the best, be the only” and “what would you do if you couldn’t fail.” Disney princess pick: Rapunzel (entangled), Ariel (fishy), Elsa (Frozen).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOJimmy's Take on New Zealand
0:03 to 0:30
Jimmy shares his humorous observations about New Zealand culture and vibe.
“The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview.”
Jimmy's Take on New Zealand
0:45 to 2:16
Jimmy shares his humorous observations about New Zealand culture and vibe.
“I mean, obviously for me, New Zealand is not just a long way away, it's also a long time ago.”
Humor on Slogans and Jokes
2:16 to 3:25
Discussion on local slogans and the absurdity of sheep shagging jokes.
“Because where I'm from, we've got the slogan, no means no.”
Engaging with the Audience
3:25 to 6:03
Jimmy interacts with audience members, discussing life and humor around consent.
“The most common crime in New Zealand is actually not sheep shagging, it's actually ram raiding.”
Thought-Provoking Questions
6:03 to 11:32
Jimmy proposes intriguing questions about dreams and life choices to the audience.
“Someone had a little baby boy and they went, do you know what?”
Thought-Provoking Questions
11:41 to 12:07
Jimmy proposes intriguing questions about dreams and life choices to the audience.
“The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview.”
Baby Naming and Humor
12:07 to 14:00
Jimmy humorously engages in a conversation about baby names with an audience member.
“I like, I don't know if you have them here, crunchy nut cornflakes.”
Naming a Child: The Sterling Debate
14:00 to 15:12
Jimmy and the audience engage in a humorous discussion about what to name a child, with a focus on the name 'Sterling'.
“You know the racing driver Sterling Moss?”
Jessica: The Makeup Artist Encounter
15:12 to 16:42
Jimmy interacts with a makeup artist named Jessica, discussing her tattoos and life experiences humorously.
“No, no, they say, I don't get on with my dad.”
Getting in the Zone: Jimmy's Pre-Show Ritual
16:42 to 18:21
Jimmy shares his thoughts on how he prepares for a show, emphasizing the significance of dressing up and being of service to the audience.
“Nah, you can't get pregnant the way I fucked you.”
Show all 13 chapters
The Fittest Disney Princess Debate
18:21 to 20:34
A comedic deliberation on which Disney princess is the fittest, with humorous takes on various characters.
“I'm literally living my dream because of you I'm incredibly grateful.”
Connie's Bold Statement
20:34 to 22:05
A humorous and unexpected interaction with an audience member named Connie, who shares her views on sexuality and relationships.
“Dear Jimmy, Connie Searle is saving herself for you and can't wait for tonight.”
Connie's Bold Statement
23:04 to 23:33
A humorous and unexpected interaction with an audience member named Connie, who shares her views on sexuality and relationships.
“The best presents are never things, they're experiences.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. For 125 years, Nordstrom has been part of your story. The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview. The first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old. The tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe. These are the moments that make Nordstrom, Nordstrom. Big or small, we're here for all of it. Celebrating 125 years with new moments still add. Discover it all in Nordstrom stores and at nordstrom.com. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork, where I talk to crowds. This is me in Christchurch, New Zealand, talking about Donald Trump and Epstein and Greenland.
0:40And, yeah, I think I've got a pretty good idea. I'm doing a 13-city tour of New Zealand, which is remarkable, given you've only got three fucking cities.
0:56It's nice to be in New Zealand again. I mean, obviously for me, New Zealand is not just a long way away, it's also a long time ago. Air New Zealand might as well be operating time machines. If I had to describe New Zealand to someone who's never been, I'd say New Zealand is, it's 1970s Amish.
1:20It feels like as a nation you got to 1975 and went, ah yes, enough progress for us.
1:31It's the vibe.
1:36New Zealand of course, I've known, the first nation in the world to give women the vote.
1:44Of course you had to really because a lot of your women do look like men so it's getting harder place
1:58And you're so polite you're the you might be the most polite people in the world you don't even say no Yeah, no you You have the good grace to give people a little bit of hope I went into a place earlier and said, are you still serving lunch? Here? Now? They let me have a moment to dream. What is your rape messaging? No, I'm at... Because where I'm from, we've got the slogan, no means no. It's been very effective, it is very clear. Best to be clear with young men in these regards. you presumably have the slogan, Yeah, nah. Means, yeah, nah. The fuck is that?
2:53I tell you, the other reason it's nice to be here, one of my best friends in the world is a Kiwi. We went to university together, and we hadn't seen him, when I came back, I hadn't seen him for 25 years. 25 years. We went out, we got drunk, we started talking about life and what's happened, and I asked him how many sexual partners he'd had in his life, and he started to count, and he fell asleep.
3:18Yeah, it's a sheep shagging joke, but it's a bloody good one. And that's kind of bullshit anyway, isn't it? Sheep shagging is like a nonsense cliche. The most common crime in New Zealand is actually not sheep shagging, it's actually ram raiding.
3:35I've probably upset someone with that, haven't I? They're going, ah, I don't mind him doing jokes about interfering with the livestock, but does he have to make it gay?
3:49Actually, the one time I got in trouble in New Zealand, it was here. It was what? It was related to here. So I got in trouble for a joke one time. I said I was in Christchurch, destroyed by an earthquake, rebuilt, beautiful town. I was in Napier, destroyed by an earthquake, rebuilt, beautiful town. I was in Dunedin, I said, I'll tell you what this town needs.
4:13I think that's unfair.
4:19This is a bit fancy for you. This is a bit fancy for me. What, Christchurch? Fuck off.
4:28Oh, that's good.
4:34Wind your neck in. You're lucky to have me and you fucking know it.
4:41Any other one else we got? There was a rape slogan. We do actually have one. You do actually have a rape slogan? Go on, what is it? If you don't have the rubber, there'll be no Hubba Hubba. If you don't have the rubber, there'll be no hubba-hubba.
5:01So you're saying rape is okay if they have a condom?
5:11I'm not sure you should be in charge.
5:18How was your night, love? You look a bit down in the mouth. Ah, yes, some guy had sex with me without my permission. I didn't like that. But he was wearing a condom, so what can you do?
5:33It's not rape if you say yes. What, sorry? It's not rape if you say yes. It's not rape if you say yes. Well, that is an excellent rape prevention technique, yeah.
5:49As soon as you think it's about to happen, you go, I want this. You've ruined him.
6:02What's your name, my young friend? Jaunty. What? Someone had a little baby boy and they went, do you know what? Let's risk it. I think he's going to be gay.
6:17Yeah. Nah, I think... Nah, he's two brothers as straight as a die. Let's call this one Jaunty. Jaunty? Wow. And what do you do, Jaunty? Other than suck dicks. What, what? It's not gay if the balls don't touch, right?
6:44Is it? Oh, for fuck's sake. You don't have to be gay to fuck a guy, just stronger than him. What do you do for a living, Jaunty? Hand a man tree, hand a man. I investigate migrant exploitation. You investigate migrant exploitation? I think you might be in the wrong country. Ah, yes, I'm in New Zealand investigating migrant exploitation. Yes, none so far. I'll keep looking around. I don't know if you look at the news or read the papers, Jaunty, but you're in the wrong fucking place. The problem isn't here. What about the missus? What, er... Oh, a public servant. No, I was going to ask about your sex life with this.
7:42You're a public servant. Of course you are. And how do you serve?
7:51Try my best. You just try your best. OK, OK. Yeah, great.
8:01It's quite vague as a job title, I'd say. I just do my best.
8:09Would I like to meet one of your fine dairy cows?
8:17Just just say cows. I don't think I want to meet one of your fine dairy cows. Not after my experience with his mum.
8:32No offence, but I think she counts as livestock.
8:39Alright, some offence.
8:49I didn't get any of that, but it sounded excellent. Let's have it again, what was it?
8:57What I fucked Jacinda? No, but she fucked you didn't she?
9:13What's wrong? And then fucked off. And then fucked off. Yes, she has fucked off. Ah, well. Best life advice? Best life advice? Uh, could you be any more specific?
9:29Best advice you can give? Don't be the best, be the only.
9:39Try and be a non-fungible human. Yeah, I think that's... No condom, no hubba-hubba is also very solid advice, yes.
9:54So don't be the best, be the only, be the, you know, because you're unique, you know, no one's going to beat you at being you. If you can figure out what you do better than anything else, fucking do that. And no rubber, no hubba hubba. We've got now, we've now got a catchphrase. What, what are you doing in life, my friend? I'm a supervisor for a civil cabinet. You're a supervisor for a... Civil construction cabinet. Supervisor for a civil construction company. OK, it doesn't feel like the dream. Here's my question to you, sir, and you don't need to answer me, but you do need to answer you. What would you do if you couldn't fail?
10:38You'd buy heaps of houses. You'd be a landlord. Really, if you couldn't fail, if you could do anything in humanity. Mission to Mars, Prime Minister, Head of the UN, cure cancer, you would be a landlord.
11:02I know it's frowned upon to, you know, piss on people's dreams, but you need fucking better dreams.
Read the full transcript
11:14I'm saying, it's a good thing to think about, to kind of mull over. My two favorite questions at the moment are, what would you do if you couldn't fail and what would you do if you couldn't be punished? You do not need to answer. But they're fucking fun to think about. That's the conversation for the way home in the car. Oh-ho. This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. For 125 years, Nordstrom has been part of your story. The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview. The first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old. The tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe.
11:53These are the moments that make Nordstrom, Nordstrom. Big or small, we're here for all of it. Celebrating 125 years with new moments still add. Discover it all in Nordstrom stores and at Nordstrom.com. Do I have a Christmas Day tradition? Yes, I do. I like, I don't know if you have them here, crunchy nut cornflakes. Do you have those? They're basically a breakfast cereal that's mainly sugar. So that, you can also do it with Lucky Charms if you're in America or I don't know what you've got here. There'll be an equivalent here that's delicious. What's the least healthy? Cornflakes, not quite, not spicy enough.
12:32You need something with sugar all over it. What? Fruit Loops. Great. Okay, Fruit Loops, ice-cold Baileys. The breakfast of champions.
12:48I'd recommend. Speaking of children, Can't decide on a baby name. You can't decide on a baby name. I'm here for you. What are you having, a boy or a girl? A boy. What the Chinese call a keeper.
13:10Well, I'm traditional. I would go either with Jaunty or Ezekiel.
13:21Are you thinking between things? Serious? Are you serious? Yes, I am. You cannot be serious while I am serious because my father was a sociopath and he called me serious. Okay, serious, I think we can eliminate that from our inquiries. What else?
13:48You've already got a Harry, a George and a Lirry. Lily. Lily. Harry, George, Lily. This is your fourth. He's gonna fucking walk out, isn't he?
14:03Harry, George, Lily. I would go... You want a serious answer? What, sorry? No, do you want... You want a serious answer or... Serious?
14:25Serious does work. I'd go Sterling. You know the racing driver Sterling Moss? Sterling's a fucking great name. I'll go Sterling. But it's not my kid. Do what you want.
14:43What's he? It's his claim to fame named by Jimmy Carr. Well, I hope he does fucking great things. Maybe one day, if we dream big, he could be a landlord.
15:11You brought my book? I brought it to you. I got a pen. I'll sign it. Yeah, sure. 100%, of course. Come on. No problem.
15:27Thanks very much. Hello, how are you? It's a lot of tattoos. What do they say? No, no, they say, I don't get on with my dad.
15:40What's your name? Hi, Jessica. You look as if you don't know the difference between good and bad attention. That's why I like you.
15:58What do you do Jessica? You're a makeup artist. Of course you are. It's like a dead heat in a Zeppelin race.
16:14Oh, I'm the only one that noticed. She has enormous titties. What do you want from me?
16:20So sorry Jessica. You're very cool look. I love it. What did the tattoo say again? To be great is to be misunderstood. To be great is to be misunderstood. Very good. I like it. Very nice to meet you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Thanks. I hope you enjoy it.
16:42Who are you with, Jessica? My mom, Sally. Your mum? My mum, Jess. Hi, Sally. No, I'm not, but I'm happy.
17:04Any idea who the dad is?
17:10What's the name? Not me. Nah, you can't get pregnant the way I fucked you.
17:20Oh!
17:23Hi, Jimmy. Keen to know how you get in the zone before a show. Holly, where are you, Holly? Where's Holly?
17:37Hi, Holly. The zone. Ah, sort of dress up. I think I like a dress. Literally putting this on kind of makes me, kind of reminds me, the reason I wear a three piece suit and a tie is because you paid good money to see a fucking show. I put it on and then I try and be of service. That's it. That's it. Someone like, I'm very aware someone in here will really fucking need it tonight. Like, there'll be people that are coming, it's fucking bonus time, your life's fucking great. Yeah, wonderful, hope you had fun. But someone will fucking need it and you know you kind of think about them and then you go out and I can tell some jokes Good to do nice.
18:22It's very I don't need applause It's a very nice thing if you think about it in microcosm you all went out You know and you bought tickets to see me live think about what that means what that simple action did My dream was to do this to travel the world telling jokes. I'm literally living my dream because of you I'm incredibly grateful. Genuinely, thanks for being here. I know it's weird when I'm sincere, but genuinely it means the world.
18:49Jimmy, who's the fittest Disney princess?
18:56It's a great question. I was in Disney recently. I would...
19:05Genuinely taking this quite seriously as a question.
19:12what do you think any thoughts Rapunzel she would get it entangled Rapunzel would get it Ariel Ariel
19:27it's a bit fucking fishy downstairs isn't it I mean it's I don't want to be that guy but she needs some natural yogurt
19:42What's that mean? At least you know what the smell is. Okay. What's that mean? I could actually get her wet.
19:58Very good, yeah.
20:04I had that years ago, someone asked me, a journalist asked me in this interview, and they were kind of being a dick, and they went, how would you like to die? Like, weird question. I said, drowning in pussy. I've just got to figure out how to get them wet.
20:23Elsa, maybe, in Frozen? Sleeping Beauty, rapist.
20:34Yeah, I like them when they're still.
20:39Dear Jimmy, Connie Searle is saving herself for you and can't wait for tonight. XOXO. Please bring the Gimp suit. Regards. Where's Connie? Where are you, Connie?
21:01Not 100 % sure you're a woman, Connie.
21:08Connie? What? What do you, what do you do, Connie?
21:18No, no, sexually, where do you draw the line?
21:25What's your name? Straight. Straight. I didn't expect an answer to that, but what a bizarre answer to give. Straight. That's where I draw the line. Fucking straight. Fucking missionary, fuck me, and then fuck off.
21:48Fucking straight. Hey, no fucking around when you're fucking around. It's Connie everyone.
22:05The best day of my life was the birth of my first child. And that's because that was the day someone told me you don't pay capital gains tax on selling gold coins. That's why I partnered up with a pure gold company. I buy gold with them as a store of wealth and to protect against inflation. And, well, you can do that too. This is an advert. I'm suggesting you do that. But I'm not a financial advisor. Don't take my advice. Go and, you know, seek a professional financial advisor and then do what I tell you. Go and buy gold at the pure gold company. They'll tell you it's a good idea. I am not a grifter.
22:40I wouldn't sell you something that I don't use myself. So I use the pure gold company. If you'd like to invest in physical gold as well, just click the link in the description or head to the pure-gold.co slash jimmy to get your free copy of their investor guide. That's pure-gold.co slash jimmy. Mention my name when you speak to them and you'll get six months of storage secure for your bullion absolutely free. My God, I'm good to you. I hope you enjoy the clip. I just want to say this. The best presents are never things, they're experiences. So if you're having difficulty in your relationship, if the passion is fading, then don't get her flowers or chocolates or jewelry.
23:18Buy her tickets. Take her out. Come and see me live. Give her the best gift you can give anyone. No, not the gift of laughter. A night with a real man. Click below for tickets, you cuck. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.
From the publisher
"Rapunzel, Ariel, Elsa..." - a heckler asks Jimmy who the "fittest" Disney princess is and gets the whole audience involved!
To see Jimmy on tour go to http://jimmycarr.com for tickets.
If you are looking to protect your wealth with physical gold, then I highly recommend The Pure Gold Company:
https://pure-gold.co/jimmy
Just click the link in the description to get your free copy of their investor guide.
Mention my name when you speak to them and you’ll get 6 months of secure storage for your bullion absolutely free.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices