"We’re the Three Blind Wives" – Jimmy Reacts to WILD Con-Artist Story - Durham, England

0:00Did you know with the Sam's Club app, you're technically in the club, no matter where you are? Like, this is a club. This is also a club. And this is a club. My bad. Come join us. Sam's Club. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr. Welcome to Crowdwork. This podcast contains the story of the three blind wives. They all married a bigamist, con artist, and, well, I'll let them explain. Hey Jimmy, we're the three blind wives all married the same con artist once upon a time We didn't see the red flags, but we sure saw the divorce papers any chance you can roast us We've been conned before we can handle the burn. What who were the blind wives?

0:45Ryan? We turn up the lights let's have a look so you you all married the same guy at the same time So he was a bigamist? Was he Mormon? Was it allowed? No. He married three women. I've got to admire his fucking optimism. Most guys struggle with one relationship and remembering birthdays and anniversaries. And this fucking legend has gone, no, I'll take them all on.

1:32He's a goddamn American hero, ladies.

1:40And was he a con man in other ways? So what else did he do? He took your money as well. You got evicted and foreclosed. he took your money. Oh, God, I wish I could dislike this guy.

2:03I mean, it can't... He did what? What else did he do? He was putting ads on Craigslist to hook up with men... He was putting ads on Craigslist to hook up with men whilst he was with you. I knew I knew this guy.

2:25Fucking hell. I love the fact you, like, obviously this is fucking horrific and this is your life, but, like... LAUGHTER If this, well, look, we're all thinking, if this was on Netflix, we'd go, fucking, we're watching this, love. But we're all... Like, you can't have, ladies, this is what I would say, right? You can't have an easy life and a great character. I bet you three have got fucking great characters. Sorry you had to go through that. But God love you. I bet you know.

3:06Shall I do the big reel? It's me.

3:15Wowzers.

3:22I can't not ask, would you three ladies be interested in buying some magic beans?

3:35Come on, dummies.

3:43It's so mean. It's great to have you here. I hope you get through it. I hope you find... You'll find love out there, won't you?

3:53Some single blokes going, yeah, I'll fucking... They've got money, have they? Great, okay. Any advice for immigrants? Any advice for immigrants? Try and blend in.

4:12And I kind of mean that as a joke, and I literally fucking mean that. I think everyone is in favour of multiculturalism. Everyone loves the idea of multiculturalism, but no one likes the idea of balkanisation.

4:31One woman's impressed with her knowledge of the term balkanisation. I'll explain to this guy. Well, like, you don't want people living... You don't want people to come and bring their country here. You want people to come because they want to be part of this. Right? It's an amazing place. And you're founded on that. You're founded by very high-agency people. Think about fucking 100 years ago, getting on a boat somewhere. Or coming over a thing. We should fucking welcome people here. But they've got a fucking... We'll be all right. It's a big hot topic here. Fucking hell. But it's what happens.

5:06If reasonable people won't police your borders, then unreasonable people will. It's not a rally. I'm not trying to get your votes. Fuck it. What's that? Do you mean for president? Yeah. Well, I mean, look. Donald Trump is my spirit animal. No. I look at Donald Trump and I see a TV show host who became president, and I dare to dream.

5:39I'm a fucking spray tan away from power.

5:46How many spray tans is he away from blackface? He's...

5:56It feels like if he fell asleep in the tanning booth, he'd come out and go, I think I might be Justin Trudeau now.

6:07Will you take Tylenol again? Will I take Tylenol again?

6:19Nice. Topical bit of fun. What do I think about what? What do I think about Ticketmaster? I like him. What's not to like about Ticketmaster? As a purchaser? Yeah, you know you can not go to the show. I always think, like, Ticketmaster always get, like, given a hard time, people going, it was£400 to see Taylor Swift. Well, don't go. You wanted to come see you? You wanted to come see me. It looks like you did great.

6:54I mean...

6:58I don't know, you might object to capitalism, and Ticketmaster are a very good example of the capitalist market, and capitalism is a terrible system apart from all the fucking others.

7:10Bunch of young people seem to have fallen in love with communism again. The fuck is going... Communism's a great idea, wrong species.

7:21The thing about capitalism is it kind of leans into what we are. We're quite self-interested. It works. What's your name? My name's Sam. What do you do, Sam? Define communism for me. Define communism from each according to their abilities to each according to their needs.

7:42Yeah. It just doesn't scale. Everyone is a communist. All of you are communists with your family. If you've got kids, you're a fucking communist at home. Each according to their needs, you take care of them, of course you do. And as things get white in your local community, you might be a socialist. Try and help everyone out. And then you get up to nation state level and you go, yeah, fuck those guys.

8:15There's always going to be an in-group preference, I'm sorry, but you human beings are unlucky. The problem with American communism, which is, you know, woke, is better described as American Marxism. And what it is, is instead of trying to redistribute wealth, which is a perfectly reasonable thing to want to do, they want to redistribute status. And that is a recipe for fucking madness. Hang on. Sorry. Some young men looking at me like, yeah, great. We're going to need some dick jokes. No problem. I'm on. Don't think I'm not on it, fellas. I'm going to say some very offensive things in a bit. We've got a question over here.

8:57Go ahead. Speaking of offensive shit, why do church ladies like Jesus so much? Why do church ladies like Jesus so much? I don't know. Motherfuckers hung like this.

9:20Even the Christians in there are going, that's a pretty good line. That's a pretty good line.

9:27Thank you so much. You are adding value. You could learn a lot.

9:40We'll be checking in with you in a bit. I have a bit about lesbian ladies.

9:49Well hey, if she's not a lesbian someone needs to tell her hairdresser.

9:57Go ahead man, what you got? Will AI replace you? Will AI replace me? Uh, no. Look, I don't want to be too boring this evening because AI is very good at left brain things. We live in a left brain world, right? Left brain, lists, very complicated things, like going to the moon. It's very complicated going to the moon. It's one thing after another, isn't it? Going to the moon, hard. But it's not right brain. Right brain things are about the gestalt, the whole. That's music and laughter and connection. And it can't do that.

10:33I'm not worried about AI at all. AI is a fucking covers band. It's a very good covers band, but it can just throw back... It's impressive. Like yeah, but then if you know something about it if you're if I ask you to write jokes, and it's got nothing It can feed me back my jokes Because it's just learning off my stuff, but it hasn't got that creative thing We'll be alright people are great Taylor Swift is getting married fucking tremendous It's great. Well, I you know how long she been with a guy? What's three? Two years. You had that on fucking speed dial. Two years. It's been two years and don't you say a fucking bad word about her.

11:20I'm secretly hoping it's a working class engagement, not a middle class engagement. That's what I'm hoping. You're all familiar with the difference? Okay, so a middle class engagement, a white collar engagement, if you will, is where the man goes down on one knee and he's got the ring in a box, opens the ring box, diamond glimmers in her eyes. Did you know Sam's Club isn't a store? It's actually a club with cool finds and like a whole community. It's a club. Of course, Jason. It's in the name. Sam's Club. Oh, yeah. Come join us. Sam's Club. Will you make me the happiest man that will be my bride?

11:58She cries, he cries. It's a cliche, but it works for people. I hope that's not what happened with Taylor Swift. I hope it's the second time. the working class proposal, which is where the woman, not the man, the woman pisses on a stick.

12:20We're getting married.

12:27I genuinely, I think she'll get fucking albums out of that. It'd be tremendous. Huh? Do you have any advice for newlyweds? Yeah, cool. When did you guys get married? Ten months ago. Well, congratulations. That's a lovely thing. Well done.

12:47I'll answer this boringly. Just be of service. Don't think about as individuals don't think about what you want think about what you have to offer. We all got to serve someone right might as well be the other half might as well be the person you love.

13:05I I know how to pronounce very good on relationships. Brilliant writer. And she's got this brilliant thing about it's not 50-50 in a relationship ever. Some days you come home and you're a 10. You're exhausted. You're tired. And your partner needs to be a 90. They need to make dinner and take care of the laundry and do everything for you. And some days you come home and you're a 60 and they're a 40. You're a 30. They're a 70. You need to kind of match up. And then on aggregate, it works out to 50-50 over a long enough timescale. Good luck.

13:42What advice have you got for an American wife? Because I ain't British. You've got an American wife? What? I'm British. You're British? No. I've only heard four words come out of you. Well, how long have you been here, sir? Since 1995. Since 1995? You're not British anymore.