What Jokes Do You Have For Truck Drivers?! - Jimmy Doesn't Hold Back - Columbus, Ohio

0:00This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans. Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork, the podcast where I do Crowdwork. This is from Columbus in America and I talk to an array of very strange people.

0:40There are truck drivers and there are respiratory therapists. It's all over the place. Enjoy. What kind of jokes do you have for truck drivers? What do I have for truck drivers? Are you... your truck drivers? Well, he's got the physique.

1:00He's clearly getting a fucking discount at Buc-ee's, isn't he? Fucking hell. Look at that.

1:10And so, are you out, is this like a work stew? Are you discussing business? Like, where's the best place to stop? What's the best way to murder a prostitute? What do you drive, then? What's in the back? We all call on. Overweight, no callers. Like tankers. Overweight, no callers. They're full of milk and they're overweight. They're full of milk and they're overweight. That's half the people in this fucking room. This is...

1:43They're full of milk. You... You're milkmen.

1:53I didn't think we had milkmen anymore, but you're fucking milkmen. Obviously on a larger scale, but nevertheless, you're driving milk round. OK. LAUGHTER And how do they...? Is it like gasoline? Do they just have one big pump that comes out? Oh, they should have gone with novelty udders. LAUGHTER Underneath the tanker that you could have gone... ..and a little milk bucket. LAUGHTER How many gallons do you need? We're going to be here in a while. LAUGHTER This is fucking huge. I feel bad for the little fella in the middle, I don't. Are you driving a truck or are you one of the things that hangs from the rear-view mirror?

2:37What the fuck are you?

2:42Why are you here with the bigger boys? What's... Are they making you drink a beer? You don't have to have a beer if you don't want to have a beer. I feel there's some peer pressure going on here. This poor fella's fucking squashed in.

3:01He's only brought him so he looks normal size.

3:09What's your name, my friend? KJ. KJ. Yeah, yeah, let's not... Let's not fuck around. Let's not give him a name he's going to have to pronounce, just a couple of letters. LAUGHTER He's got a shot at spelling this.

3:28KJ, okay.

3:32If only it had been KY.

3:37And what do you do for fun, KJ? All I do is work, pretty much. All you do is work. I don't have to do a lot of fun. Oh. You've got to get out there. You've got to have a little bit of fun. you've got to pay the bills if you're not paying for anything you don't do anything the fuck is going on also I'm going to say I'm going to say it because it's difficult for your friends to say it but I don't know you but I like you because you're at my show you've got to drink less of the milk it's quite switch to 2 % he drives the 2 % truck LAUGHTER I've got a feeling you're full fat. He's 2%. He's driving fucking oat milk.

4:32Huh? Genuinely, we got any lesbians in? There's one there. What's your name? Jennifer. Are you with a partner, Jennifer, on your own? What's going on? Who are you here with, Jennifer? A man? Has there been some kind of mix-up, Jennifer? Has he just found out you're a lesbian? He might be quite disappointed.

5:03So,

5:08what's your name, sir? Keith. Hi, Keith. If you had to describe your vagina... LAUGHTER Would you say it's an outie? LAUGHTER What, sorry? Yes. Yes. Jennifer, I'm not sure you're a lesbian, love. LAUGHTER

5:34Maybe you've just got a bad haircut. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

5:44Can a vagina, by sense of touch alone, tell if a dude has a condom on? Can a vagina, by sense of touch alone, tell if a guy has a condom on? Yeah. LAUGHTER I mean, can your penis tell if there's a condom on? Yeah. The junk is junk. Yeah. But also, it sounds like you've done a terrible thing at some point.

6:20The subtext is, she won't know. She'll definitely fucking notice nine months later, mate. Hang on, I'm getting really fat after fucking that guy. What's going on? Hang on, let's ask him later. Madam, can your vagina tell us whether there's a condom on a penis or not? Yes. You think it can? OK, I'm going to need... Can I get... Give me a... LAUGHTER I'm going to need a blindfold and a condom, and then I think I've got an idea for the finale of the show. LAUGHTER OK, we're going to do the Pepsi challenge now.

7:10Two guys, could you just close your eyes for a second? Just one second, just close... Yeah, OK. So, are you the other half?

7:20Cover your ears. You raw dog it. Oh, wear the condom, I'm a gentleman. Oh, we're doing this, fantastic, this is great. Tremendous.

7:38And we'll see, you'll have to tell if you know which ones... This inquiring young man needs to know. All right, fella? She'll be able to tell by the size. She'll be able to tell by the size. Mine will be smaller.

8:02This guy just went, no Asian jokes, please.

8:15You are correct. She will be able to tell because of the size. But not the way you think.

8:27Ah! Stop it. Where do you buy your suits? Er, Tom Sweeney. It's pretty straightforward. And now, you've chosen to dress as a massive fucking toddler.

8:47You really have solved for comfort there, sir. And I'm sure you are very comfortable, but... Christ.

8:58What are you wearing? What's the store called? Tom Sweeney is my tailor. What is it? Some sort of pussy repellent.

9:09You were having a problem. There was too much. You were worried about drowning in pussy and you thought, what will dry them out? Fucking this outfit. Cargo shorts and a hoodie. Jesus wept. You're a grown man.

9:31What's your name, sir? What's your name? Ryan. Ryan, and what do you do, Ryan?

9:40Why did you have to look at him to confirm? What were you going to say? I'm a top.

9:53And he was going to go, well, you're more versatile. Go on. You're in IT? Well, you've certainly got the physique.

10:09How many Super Bowls has Europe won? Well, we're not in it, are we? We're not in any of your sports. He's leaving in disgust. This guy hasn't won any Super Bowls. Um, what this is, uh, now don't get me wrong, I think I know this, this is football. See? A little bit of research. Yeah, uh, well done. Well done, you're doing terrific.

10:49What's your name, sir? Luke. What's the name? Luke. Luke, okay. I made fun of our Ryder Cup performance by now. I made fun of your Ryder Cup performance. No, I don't, I actually don't watch golf, I've got no interest in golf, I don't play golf. I'm actually, despite all the jokes, quite happy at home. LAUGHTER I've, yeah. APPLAUSE

11:14I've always, and I don't think I'm wrong in this, I view golf as the coward's divorce.

11:24I can't face leaving her, maybe if I just go out for eight hours every Saturday and Sunday. No, I don't care. What do you do, Luke? Business analyst. You're a business analyst. Of course, you fucking are. Where would we be without you? Oh. Classic American job. analyzing someone's business. And then what are your recommendations generally? You should be more efficient and make more money or...

11:57Do they ever bring you in and you look through the books and you go, you're doing fine. Just leave it as is. I just went pricing for hospitals. This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.

12:37You do pricing for hospitals. Oh. That's right. Hey! Luke's doing valuable work, pricing for hospitals. So you basically, I mean, you've really undersold yourself here. I'm a business analyst, I work pricing in hospitals. Really, you decide who lives and who dies. That's what you do. It's a big job. Hm. Hey, IT, do some fucking sit-ups.

13:20This guy's going to see you coming and fucking up the prices.

13:29What's going on? Settle a bet for me. Settle a bet? Well, how much do I owe you? I don't know. Go on. I'm saying it's an old hackle, but has anybody ever said you look like quagmire? I look like quagmire. A quagmire is a type of swamp. No one's ever said that. Quagmire, the character from Family Guy. Yes, people have said that, but no one has ever said I look like a quagmire. Because you're special.

14:08I don't mean like capable of original thought I mean you came here on a short bus