When A Recently Divorced Couple Sit Together at a Jimmy Carr Show - Skien, Norway

0:00Hello, I'm Jimmy Carr and this is Crowdwork. This one is from Skihan and I talked to a recently divorced couple who are sitting together. Awkward. Have you heard of elevator counting or body counts? Have I had a what? Elevator counting. Have I had an elevator counting? Do you elevator count when you do your body count? Do I elevator count when I do my body count? Sorry about the jokes about autism earlier.

0:34I didn't know you'd be here.

0:39What is an elevator count when you do your body count? Do you elevator count when you do your body count? It's fun to say, isn't it? I'll find out what it means so we can all use it more. No, no, no. No, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're going to fall off the fucking stage.

1:10Great job, security.

1:16Nailed it.

1:22These keen-eyed sharp shooters. They're not just standing there like fucking spare parts. What's the fucking point of you two?

1:39Jesus wept. It's a man just going down on the stage now. I imagine maybe it'll be some kind of a shot. It'll be fun to watch. Very good.

1:58Any other questions? What else we got? Oh, no, we were going to find out what that fucking meant. What? Do I body count when I do your body count? What does it mean? In an elevator, we can have six people or 500 kilos. You can have five people or 600 kilos? Are you saying would I rather sleep with five people or one person who weighs the same as five people? Well, I've never met your mum, but yeah, I'll fuck her.

2:38Do you, do you mind me asking, sir, do you elevate a gant when you do your body count? I can't stop saying it now. I feel like it goes with a robotic dance. Do you elevate a gant when you do your body count? Fucking hell, we're in the wilds of Norway now, aren't we?

3:02Have you tasted Norwegian brown cheese? Brunost. And can you say hi to my husband, Henrik? Rognmoor. That's next door to Ragnarok, is it? Where's Henrik? Where are you, Henrik? Hi. Wait, sorry, wait, is this the missus? Now, I haven't tasted Norwegian brown cheese, but I presume, madam, you want me to give you a rim job.

3:39Is that...? APPLAUSE

3:45At the end of the show, could you say, I'm Donny with a fanny? You're who? At the end of the show, could I say... I am Donny with a fanny? I'm Danny with a fanny? Donny. You're Donny. Hi, Donny. How are you? Hello. I am Donny with a fanny. I am Donny. Donny. I am Donny with a fanny. I'm done with the funny. Can I say when I'm done with the funny? Yeah.

4:25With the funny or with the fanny?

4:34When I've done all of the jokes, can I say, I'm done with the funny. It's a strange request. Can I ask more? You've seen... Elevator count when you see the body count. You've got some competition down here. Interesting.

4:54What does it mean? It's from a game. What's the game? Stan Parable. Stan Parable. Stanley Parable. I've no idea. I understand all the words you're saying and it's entirely fucking meaningless to me. You look like an awful lot of fun. What's going on here? What's your name? Morgana. Morgana. Okay, Morgana. Trans? Is there some transaction going on? Excellent. Very good to have you here. What's your name?

5:28You're not going to call me a cunt? No. Okay. You have a fucking sense of humour. It's only the ones online that seem to not have a sense of humour. When you meet trans people in the real world, they're fucking lovely. It's true though, isn't it? In my experience... Hang on a second. Sorry. I'm just going to have to put you on hold for one second there, because I've just spotted your friend, and I distinctly remember earlier saying, are there any lesbians in?

6:04and you didn't say anything and I tell you what if you're not a lesbian someone needs to tell your fucking hairdresser

6:22wow I would not be playing you at pool I'd say it would take a lot to get you back on solids

6:35maybe Morgana could be the gateway drug it's your sister well

6:45half sister literally and metaphorically

6:55Ah! Ah! Ah! So when you introduce Morgana, you get to say, this is my half-sister, and people go, steady on, she's trans, come on.

7:08That's fucking genius. Go ahead, Morgana. Not for autism, get email. Are you autistic? OK. Well, I really appreciate you coming out and joining in as well. It's not easy when you're autistic. Second time, I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you for being you, Morgana. Give more, more, come on. It's not easy when you're autistic to join in. Good. Are you guys married? We are divorced. You're divorced? Are you divorced? Yeah. You've been divorced for one week. You've got to stop taking her out, sir.

7:46Sir, it feels like you're not... Tickets. You had the tickets.

7:55APPLAUSE

8:03And I don't mean to pry into your personal affairs, but presumably you got divorced because, what, madam, you got over your daddy issues?

8:16There is something of an age gap... ..down here. This is the... 11 years? Yeah. He looks a little bit older than that, if I'm honest. But I suppose he has just been through a divorce. And why did you break up? You slept with someone else. Go on, what happened? What's that? You grew apart? Oh, were you thumbing in a softie?

8:53She's a very attractive woman, but you know, after a few years together, you're bored of fucking her. I get it. Okay. And what did you get in the divorce, love? Half. Half. Half? She got half. How long were you married? We were being together in nine years. Nine years. Five years married. You got half.

9:20you've got three kids in nine years in six years you had three kids wow imagine that's ruined downstairs isn't it that's why he's left

9:41it's like a butcher's dustbin now he's off

9:51Oh, well, if you've got three kids together, this is fucking great. Come out and have a laugh. You're going to be in each other's lives forever. It's fucking fine. Good. My friend, Nils Seaman, wants to buy his girlfriend a hunting knife for her birthday. Should he consider another gift? Nils, where's Nils? Niles? Is it Niles? Nils Nils where's the guy that wants to buy his hi there you want to buy her a hunting knife she sounds nice

10:32who are you fucking Rambo what's the matter with flowers and chocolates you fucking how long have you been with this girl three years and you're already onto a knife What did you get her last year? A spoon. A spoon?

10:56We found the local fritzel.

11:03There's some poor woman in a basement going, I wish Niels would buy me a knife. And then I could cut my food. Oh, he's coming. Master's coming. I'd like an apology because you know your self-help book. Oh, yeah, my book. Yeah, I wrote a book. You pirated it. He's saying he pirated a copy of my book, which seems very in keeping with the Viking spirit. It's an act of pillage is how I see it. I was Russian. You're Russian? Oh. I see. Can I ask, were these originally your seats?

11:59Did they belong to some Ukrainians? And you went, well, actually, this has really always been our space. Go on. So you pirated the book? Yeah. I kind of liked it. It actually helped me quite a lot with it. Oh, well, good, man. I'm glad you liked it. No, but you still didn't get paid, so... Don't worry about it, man. I'm thrilled you fucking read it. You gave me something much more valuable than money. Attention. Time and attention is all you have in the world, and you're giving me your time and attention now. That means much more. I'm thrilled you read it, man. Great, thanks. Thanks a lot, man.

12:34I'm going to buy it. I feel guilty now. Don't feel guilty.

12:41You'll be fine. Read Matthew McConaughey's Green Lights. It's a similar vibe, but it's very good. I'm serious, it's a good book. Have you ever been with two men? Have I ever been with two men? Again, it's slightly threatening, your tone. Have you ever been with two men?

13:07It feels like someone's going to fucking curse me. Where the... If I'm 100 % honest, I don't even know where the fuck I am.

13:25Oh, I do a gig in Cheyenne. You'll never leave.

13:35Ah, of course. I'm going to have a good job, I'm going to have a good job, I'm going to have a good job, and I'm going to have a good job. I think I am. Yeah. Nice. Sure.

14:02The fuck is that? Am I having a stroke? I can smell toast. Christ, if I ever have a stroke, I'll be laughing on the other side of my face. Have I let the side down? What does that mean? Happy birthday.