"You're 23 and You Bought a House?!" - Bristol, England

0:01This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome? That's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web, like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50-page restoration block, or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense? There's no place like Chrome. Check responses set up required, compatibility and availability varies 18+. Oh hello, I'm Jimmy Carr, this is Crowdwork This is me in Bristol Talking to a 23 year old Who bought a house, that doesn't happen often Are you wearing some sort of leather peach cap?

0:37Right What's that? What's that? No, I think you're having a midlife crisis

0:49I would rather sexy But we're stuck with you in a fucking hat, aren't we? We'll have to make do. No offence, love, but you're what dimmer switches were invented for.

1:11What? Ha! Ha! She knows I'm half-joking. Some offence. Have you ever been to Auschwitz? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course. I've traveled extensively. I've been to Israel Auschwitz. Yeah, I've visited all of that. It was, I mean, fucking heartbreaking. It's the worst thing that's ever happened. But I think Joan Rivers made the brilliant point about jokes. She told a joke about the Holocaust and someone got really upset. And she just went, never forget, this is how we remember. So I always think it's very important to joke about these things and sort of keep them alive in the common memory. Sorry, that was a bit serious.

2:03Yeah, I think it's important to remember now more than ever. Eric or Ernie. Eric or Ernie. What, as a comedy hero? Oh, God, it's hard to say, isn't it? Eric or Ernie. Bob and Vic. I don't know. It strikes me. It's an interesting thing, comedy double acts, and kind of lots of double acts, actually. It's autism and ADHD. Isn't it? Vic and Bob. Vic, fucking autistic. Bob is kind of the bridge to the audience. He's ADHD, and they make a fucking terrific team. Liam and Noel. Noel, autistic. Liam, ADHD. It's the same fucking bridge. It's an extraordinary thing with double acts. Meh. What, sorry? What's Ant and Dec?

2:54Which one's Ant and Dec? Well, they're two different people. LAUGHTER

3:05Any other...? If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be? If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be? Cowburn!

3:24I regret nothing. I still see him. You can only visit once every two weeks. And you have to talk through the glass. I miss the good old days.

3:42I think the phrase is, on regrets, I'll be serious, amor fete, is I believe the phrase. Amor fete, the lover of fate. You have to love everything about your life because you've got you to where you are now. And so regrets are kind of pointless, I think. Amor fete. It's not me, it's, you know, it's an old philosopher. I like it. Any other? Gay! Yeah! I'll take that, it's pretty gay. Ah! It's not real! Juan and Heidi brought their first house and need to do DIY renovations. Please help. Well, if I help, it won't be do it yourself. It'll be me doing it for you. You fucking do it. Who's bought their first house?

4:30Where are you? Yeah. You? You're 12. You certainly look 12. How old are you, my friend? 23. 23, and you bought a house? That's some of shit, isn't it? In Swindon? Oh, okay. We have an answer. What do you do for a living, my friend? I'm an accountant. You're an accountant?

4:56There's nothing I don't like about this kid. 23, you bought your own house? Fucking well done. Are you the missus? You alright? And what do you do? I'm a digital analyst. A digital analyst? Oh, how many fingers is that? It feels like three.

5:19I imagine that's very popular on YouTube. If it feels like three, it's probably a dick.

5:30Well, congrats, that's fucking fantastic. And you need someone to do it up? Yeah, fuck the wardrobe today. You fucked the wardrobe today?

5:42Oh, you... OK. That's not a great nickname for her.

5:50She's not even that chunky. I don't know why you're being mean.

5:56Good luck. Jimmy, can you ride a bicycle? We can't imagine it. Cheers. Brett and Alina. Where's Brett and Alina? Where are you? Where are they? Hi. I? Yeah. I have like an enormous electric bike that I take the kids to school on. I don't know. Fuck it. I mean, it's kind of impossible not to look like a cunt in a cycle helmet, but... I don't care. Are you a keen cyclist, sir? Yeah, you do it. Midlife crisis in the Lycra. It's sort of like flashing for beginners. I want them just to be able to see the outline in me cock. I'm not ready to get it out yet, but I'm warming up. It's very much the male leather cap.

6:57Earlove, come back to mine for a cider and a massage. Who sent this? Who sent this?

7:10I'm not going back sight unseen. What, sorry? It's a Bristol thing. You never put a time for a time to mess up?

7:26I don't know if it is a Bristol thing. I think you might be a slag.

7:38The rest of Bristol is thinking, yeah, I've never heard of it. You go, well, I say it all the time. And I get loads of dicks, so... When you get some trousers that fit. What am I going to get some trousers that fit?

7:56It's very odd to be satorily questioned by this fucking gnome.

8:11Do you mean when am I getting at some trousers that are too long? Is that the idea? You want longer trousers, do you? They're turned up, aren't they? They're turned up? Yes. Oh, I should explain. I'm a fucking gentleman.

8:29I have to have my suits made for me, because I don't have your kind of connections at Primark. Thank you.

9:05Various 18 plus.

9:10Looking at you, I'm guessing you were dressed mainly by the five-finger discount. I can't really pick collars. I've just got to make sure the security is not looking at me.

9:25What do you think of the Bristol ladies? I don't know, but I've got a dog that will maybe have understood that. It was very fucking high pitch, wasn't it? What? Are you upsetting the bats here? What do I think of what? The Bristol Ladies! What do I think of the Bristol Ladies? I've yet to meet one.

9:56But I'll say this, over the years, I've very much enjoyed the Bristol Slags.

10:05I like the sense of civic pride there from some of the ladies going... Thoughts on Asians. What, sorry? Thoughts on Asians. Thoughts on Asians? Sorry, it sounded like you said thoughts on Asians, but what I heard was, did you fancy getting cancelled?

10:31If I could count the Asians at my show, I would probably be an Asian guy. Where are you from, my friend? Kuwait. What's that? Kuwait. Kuwait. Okay.

10:51I haven't been to the first seven, so I didn't bother.

11:01Not that funny, but fucking quick. Sometimes that'll do. And what are you doing here? You're studying here? You're living here? What are you studying, my friend?

11:16You're in foundation now, but next year? Aerospace. Okay.

11:27There's a little bit of concern in the room.

11:36We're all aware aerospace is a euphemism for the defence industry. And we're thinking, hang on, where are you from again? What's going on? Ha ha! It's great to have you here, man. You're very welcome. Has anyone ever told you you look like Fix-It Felix from Wreck-It Ralph? Has anyone ever told me I look like... Fix-It Felix? Fix-It Felix from Wreck-It Ralph. No one ever has, sir. And I think that's because a lot of my audience are grown men.

12:15Wreck-It Ralph. Does Ralph Ralph... I've not seen Wreck-It Ralph, but I imagine that is a hell of a porno.

12:26Oh, this Ralph guy's fucking ruined that. He's wrecked it. Do you think the Big Breakfast would survive today?

12:37Do you think the Big Breakfast would survive today? Do I think the Big Breakfast would survive today? What, the TV show? Yeah. I can't imagine there'd be a problem with the Big Breakfast if they relaunched it with the original cast. It was Chris Evans, Johnny Vaughan. After what? After midnight. After midnight? They'd be alright. It was a good show. Johnny Vaughan's a fucking genius. Chris Evans, one of the great broadcasters. They'd be fine. Yeah, they'd be alright. Channel 4. Channel 4 don't give a fuck. They still employ me.

13:22Channel 4 are known for their diversity and what a lot of people miss when they talk about Channel 4 is I think diversity means people of different colours and creeds. No, diversity of thought is the most important thing. The quality of your character is the most important thing. And they like lots of different people on their channel. They're fucking alright. You'd be fine with them. Who's the biggest dickhead? What, that I know? Him.

13:52Is it only your face? What do I think of what? DEI. Diversity, equity and inclusion? Yes. Um, it's not any of those three things, is it? Well, it's not. I'm a big fan of meritocracy. You're better than that, Jimmy. I'm better than what? That. Than that? Than what? Than DEI? I'm better than this. What, sorry? The whole thing. I'm better than the whole thing. Thanks

14:32Is your name Jiminy Cricket? Because it really It felt like a little ego boost from you You seem absolutely delightful You trust me You're a very poor judge of character That may be the first time a woman said that to me Oh, this guy's got a trustworthy face. I'm a moustache away from being Terry Thomas. Your book helped me leave my job at Tesco to pursue what I wanted in life and job-wise. Thank you for sharing your story. Where's, who's this from? Where are you?