Angie Martinez IRL - AJ Johnson: You Can't Fix a Relationship Until You Know Who You Are

26:45You know what I mean? Well, I'm not fearful. I try to stay away from that word. I'm hesitant sometimes. I'm unsure. I'm never fearful. Never? Nothing? No. Unsure. Unsteady.

27:04Hesitant, like I said. Timid. But because... Remember how I start my day now? So I feel like my day is being governed. You have full confidence in that. Yeah. So wherever I'm being sent, I know it's part of my unfolding of that day. I understand. Which is another reason why I started in spirit, so that I understand what's happening. And with some people, you know, I'll say, I'm not sure if you're really ready for what I'm going to say. So let's just back up. And most people go, no, no, no, I want to hear, I want to hear what you're going to say. And then I'll start asking questions. If somebody's in a bad relationship, I don't just jump in and say, I don't think this relationship is good for you.

27:44The first thing I say is, you know, one day you told me that you wanted to be honored. Do you feel like this relationship is honoring you? Tears. I'll ask questions like that. The mirror. He put up the mirror. Yeah, I'll just ask questions. I'll say, you know, you told me a few weeks ago that your relationship with your mother was, you know, tumultuous and painful for you. So is it still? It is. Well, then why do you talk to her every day? Why are you volunteering to go in that painful place every day? Why don't you try to do Monday, Wednesday, Friday, maybe just Sunday morning catch ups, but you're worthy.

28:22And then I'll say, well, wait, do you believe you're worthy of less pain in that relationship? Tears. so you know you use tears as a sign of like openness because even like when you were getting emotional i know i know for me like sometimes if i'm getting to some type of truth that maybe i haven't said out loud or sometimes if i'm discovering something in real time that will that will bring a tear to me yeah so i kind of it's i use it as a gauge of like something real or honestly and sometimes i'll say to people so what made you just cry what was that because i don't want to assume, you know? So I'll say to people that, that just chokes you up or that brought tears.

29:00Tell me why, what, what about that made you cry? Because that's the open space. So like, even in that, that was a real situation. And, and one of my, my girlfriends, this wasn't even a client when one of my girlfriends, when I said, what made you cry? She said, I just realized I don't feel worthy. And that, that, that makes me sad. And I said, okay, well, let's start there because we have to start with you understanding and walking in your worthiness and then we can fix the relationship with your mother or the painful. You really are a therapist. Am I? Yes. But this is how I friend. This is how I friend.

29:36This is how you friend. Which is why a lot of friends are like, oh, that's too much. Take that to your clients. This is just how I friend and how I care and how I'm a sister. You know? I make comments on Instagram and everybody's like, here she goes with a whole therapy session the comment and I'm like it's just this is therapy you did have you done therapy before have you had myself yes absolutely well so you know it's it's like well good therapists yes not they're not all equal a good therapist should be a mirror well well I guess I want to ask what's the difference between a life coach or a life shifter and a therapist is there a difference I don't know I would ask you the same I think you would know that answer better than me because you're more in the space but i would think it's just paperwork i don't know well you know what or or schooling or i don't know what it is i think i think the difference is um and i mean i don't really study therapists that much but for me i know what other people who have a therapist that also work with me they say first of all most therapists are textbook as they should be because the license depends on it.

30:43For me, I'm more spiritually foundationed. I use a lot of self life experience. A lot of therapists don't. I feel like in most cases, my life has been geared to help people. So I've gone through losing my mother young, losing my father, family dynamics that don't work for my life and career, relationships that don't last more than two weeks you know all kind of stuff yeah and so using that to try to guide and shift I feel like is more personal than therapy um yeah what made you just because it's just like yeah I know what made you just do that no that's good I love that um it's because you see things so clearly and you see people so clearly but even in what you just said I realized that doesn't exempt you it doesn't from a bad relationship or getting things wrong or it's or experiencing trauma or it's like it's the foundation you could do all the devotions you could do all the things and life can still be hard in many ways and I feel like that's the foundation of my professional side personal too but you know even when I'm starting a new client, the first thing I say is, you know, my technique is to share with you.

32:04So, you know, I don't feel like we've gone through anything drastically different, at least emotionally, spiritually, the way those things may manifest in our lives could be different. Yeah. But trauma is trauma and how we navigate the trauma, how long it takes is as unique as we are. Right. And just to have an accountability partner, to have a partnership in navigating the trauma, I feel like can help people. And so I say, listen, you know, I went through a relationship worse than that. And a lot of people laugh. Like recently? No. Well, what's recent? Like, I don't know, healed version of you since you're doing all this work.

32:45And I feel like in alignment, like you. I feel like I am in constant healing because, you know, I like partnership. I don't find it. You don't? No. Intimidating? I wondered in like relationships how this way of life affects. It always comes up. Because the boys don't always. Or the girls, whatever it is. No, boys. The boys and the girls. I don't know. Okay, okay. I just, I have a very complex, diverse life. And I just can't find the person that really can help me with all that. And that partners. So I have, often I have more than one partner. Heard you, sis. Yeah. And so, you know, once again, I'm open to what my life, you know, my life, you know, one may be a traveler.

33:38One may be my hiking partner. One may be going to the movies. You know, right now, my hiking partner, I want to see a particular movie. It's three hours long. I want to see a particular movie a second time. They're like, we just saw it. And I was like, I know, but now I want to go as an actress and pick it apart. I don't want to go. Okay, it's not going to stop me from going. Yeah. So now I've got somebody else who wants to see it twice. And I'll just be like, you know what? I'll let you know how it goes. I'm going with somebody else. So, you know, that works for my life right now. Hey, guys. So I was scrolling through this Bright Living track list the other day, and I immediately started arguing with myself about what should be there, what shouldn't, and why.

34:12And it's very easy to do that. Arguing about songs like California Love and Still Not a Player and Definition. There are so many songs, so many moments, so many memories. and this is just a snapshot of where hip-hop was and where it's going. That's what Sprite gets. The past 40 years, they've been celebrating artists who define the culture, and now they're turning the conversation over to the fans. And if you're like me, the real fun is getting into the why. Why do these songs matter? Why does that line hit? Why did it change hip-hop forever? And now I can't promise you any answers, but what Sprite will give you is a good time figuring it out.

34:45Check out the full Sprite Living Track list and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having.

35:21I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite BookTok creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

36:01I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself.

36:42So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America. Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planting houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life.

37:25Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

38:05I, you know, the other thing is nothing but younger hits on me. And you laugh like you're not surprised. I'm not surprised. Nothing but younger. The baby boys. Yeah. You know, 40 and under. And I used to resist that a lot. Now I don't. And I'm having a blast. You are? I am. I am. I am. Um, my, my energy, my interest, my spirit connects a lot stronger with younger men. And, um, I'm not going to resist it. Yeah. So be it. Yeah. You know, and of course I don't really care what other people think because it's my life. It's my, my happy. It's my joy. When you have this type of calling and you're dating somebody or especially a younger man, And is there a line in terms of that?

38:55Or are you also a mirror to them? Well, I'll tell you, in order for me to date, no matter what the age is, there's got to be a mutual spirituality that we feed each other. So I think that probably in the last three to five years, most of the men I've been intimately involved with, there's a spirit that we mirror each other and we challenge each other. and that's really the foundation. It can't be foreign to him. You can't date with somebody who... Oh, come on now. I mean, you know, if we can't have that first conversation and consistent conversation, then there's not much else. We can have fun and we can hike.

39:34But again, you know, a hike is an hour's worth of time. So what are we talking about? And so, you know, for me, that's the first attraction for me is what's happening in our spirit, in our spirit connection. That's the first. Now, if you're chocolate 6 '5 with some shoulders, then that helps too. That for sure helps. I like that you're specific about it. You know what you like. Pretty smile. Clean soul in the eyes. Yeah. I just picture. You're so funny. That helps. That helps. But there's got to be a spiritual connection. You're so funny. It's funny because we've heard, we mentioned the Tisha thing, but also Gab.

40:16We had Gab on the show also, who also credits you for helping her kind of see that there was a mean girl in there somewhere. Was it the same kind of experience where you just saw something and she was open to you being honest with her? Yeah, Gab and I had been working together for a minute and we had been talking about no friendships in Hollywood. And of course, I admit it, I didn't have many. And at the time, there was a lot less roles in Hollywood. So there was a lot more competition between us. So I was saying to her, you know, it's very hard to make friends when you're competing constantly, you know, whether you're in the room auditioning or not.

40:56There's always a competition. And I said, it's hard to make friends that way. And then we just happened to go to an event together. And I saw her, you know, dissing somebody. And I was like, no, wait a minute. And I literally, at the time, I said to her, now, is this the same woman that wants to be friends that's now talking about this girl? That's where it started. And she was like, you know, I was, wasn't I? And I said, yeah. And I was like, but, you know, what does it profit you? And she just looked at me and was like, and that was a turn in our coaching, you know, for the better. And so once again, it's just, it's questions, you know.

41:30But I mean, I've worked with Nicole Ari Parker. I've worked with Melinda Williams. I've worked with Emily Blunt, Anne Hathaway. I mean, you know, I've been blessed to connect. I say work with, but to connect with some really, really dynamic, amazing people. Not just women, but people. And I'm honored that I've been chosen divinely and that they've chosen to trust me and to at least take a look at themselves from the perspective that I look within myself. And all in an effort to elevate. Yeah. I'm sure you learn things from them. It's probably reciprocal in some ways, right? in those relationships that you form with these women.

42:11I'm sure it has to because even the women you're mentioning, they're all extraordinary women. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. It's like, you know, I say to people, you know, how do you coach someone who's so dynamic and so amazing and so well-known globally for things? But sometimes that can be a block. When you're so known for something and you want to do something else, that can be a block. But for the most part, what I've learned, not so much from them, but I've learned in working with them as we've coached is if you believe from your soul that the world is open to you, that's where the shift starts.

42:57I remember even with Anne Hathaway, you know, she wanted to be married. She wanted to have kids. And, you know, at that time she was, you know, just a budding artist. And I said, but if that's what you want, how do you know that that life is not going to fuel you into even a better actress? And so she was like, and so that's the thing. It's like, you know, how do we open ourselves up? How do we open ourselves up to be what we're dreaming of beyond what we've become? Mm-hmm. There it is again. You hear that one? See, it just kind of comes out. You know, this is not planned. It just kind of comes out, right?

43:31But I mean, isn't that great? That's pretty great. I mean, if you think about it, like, you know, there's got to be something else you want to do beyond where you are. Oh, for sure. Every day. Right, see? Too much sometimes. So if I say to you, what happens if you open yourself up to just really believe from your soul that what you're dreaming can really be? What's the one thing you would say it was? You're asking me the question? Ask it to me again. Okay. There's one thing that you are wanting for yourself. Yes. There's one thing that you're dreaming of that before this moment, before this now, you may not have truly believed it could be possible.

44:11But right now, connected sisters, I'm aligned with you in the belief that it's just waiting for you. What is it? that's a weird question for me because i think i'm currently in the process of actually trying to uh step into that space so i have some scripts i've written i've always wanted to direct something and i always thought that was such a far fetch for me because it's not really my space um but you believed it wasn't really your space i believe that yes but ultimately like i'm a storyteller i'm a storyteller you know exactly crazy it's really not that crazy it's just you know it's technical stuff I didn't know and I had to learn and there's things there was some work I had to put in which I have quietly been doing for a few years and see there's that quietly well it's quietly because it's learning and you and I don't necessarily want to learn out loud and or it's not that I don't want to I just didn't feel the need to you know I was learning that quiet is a Capricorn thing is it oh yeah I wasn't hiding it it was just something I was working on for me like I was taking classes and doing shadowing people and doing things just because I had a genuine interest in a thing that I wanted to do so um I don't know in the past year or two I have I have gotten the legs to finish like some of the scripts I've been working on put them in front of people make a sizzle like a like a to show people like a what it would look like and so we're getting close I'm getting closer like super close now and so it's that that's probably closer to being in a position to be able to do that because it's not just me right it's not just me right I don't think I'm blocking my way it's just putting the things in place to to make other people help me to to do it as you I'm sure you know there's plenty of things that you would it's like it sometimes it requires other people to get on board so I have to do everything that I have to do to to be able to make it very clear for those type of people is it's not that I don't believe it right I do is there anything in that same question that you don't have to rely on anyone else but yourself to do right now that I'm not doing I mean like um only you yeah yes but even if you don't share it no no I think it's just time okay is my big it's not belief it's time It's not belief for me.

46:41Yeah, it's time. It's like organizing things in my life to be able to prioritize that, which could require me letting go of some things that don't serve me anymore. See, here we go. You know what I mean? That's the balance of life for everybody, right? Like you have to figure that part out, like opening the gates to just that. The openness. Yeah, for sure. There's a project I'm working on, and I'm kind of in the same boat as you, and it's completely new and different for me. And I'm just going to say it's crime-related. Crazy, right? Crazy, not crazy. No, not crazy. But I am, if I wasn't in this life, I would probably be a forensic scientist.

47:28This is crazy. Is that one of your projects? No, it's not. Do I just get hired? No, I have a girlfriend that when you said to me it's in the crime space, she came to my head. She's a friend of mine who used to be a forensic scientist, but her name came to me when you said the first line. She had a party one time in her house and I thought when you said it, I said to her name, I said, oh, AJ would have loved that party. This was going on in my head. AJ would have loved that party that Sheila threw. she threw a party where she she listen to this party she showed us scenes of real of real crime scenes so she has 10 to 15 girlfriends in the house we're eating popcorn we're eating popcorn we're having cocktails and she shows this a scene like some one guy was like a hoarder and he looked and he passed yeah in his stuff and at first it's horrible right but through her eyes she says so we went in and this is what it was and this man oh and this was his cat he loved his cat he would she's like she just painted such a different story and it was the most interesting i was like you're crazy but this but this party was actually kind of amazing i kind of dig it it was like kind of amazing in a weird way i couldn't do it all the time because i'm not built for that like i like imagery is like important to me like i can't put too many images that i don't want to keep up in me.

48:49But yeah, it was wild. So I don't know why I feel like you should know her. I'm going to connect. Yeah, I would love it. I mean, you know, again, I in this in this season of of redirection and refinement, as I said, you know, being open to the new and different. I've gone through some heavy betrayal. I've gone through some heavy disappointments. and because of my devotions and my spirit work, I know it's not punishment. I know it's growing and stretching me. And so now I'm in a space where I'm paying really close attention to what it's aligning for with me. And so I feel like, which you'll know, you'll know more when it happens.

49:34You'll be like, I remember when you said that. But that's kind of where it's coming from. It's like the level of betrayal and everybody goes through it, which is also helping me in my work. but to a point where I never thought I would experience it to a point where um I feel like I could use it creatively and so again God takes me and elevates me to a new understanding of being betrayed and sometimes betrayal leads to crime

50:03right so you took your own betrayal and you're making some some some kind of beauty out of it Hell yeah, man. You know, it's like, that's what it's supposed to be. Like, use your life to create. Art imitates life. I have cards here. Uh-oh. Okay. We had a card that I was trying to find. It was about being a life coach. Oh, where is it? Oh, here we go. I just got nervous. Why? I don't know. It's not like a test. You can't fail. It's not like a test. Okay, I still love it. You're so down for everything. I love that about you. I love that. I love that about you. What were you like as a child, by the way?

50:38You were? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Were you, like, called in court in, like, kindergarten? Were you, like... Probably. I mean, you know, I just remember, I just loved, and that's what I'm saying, I've always been without fear. I don't say fearless. I just have always been more interested in where's this taking me, as opposed to, I think I'm going to hold myself back and not go. so you know from insects to animals to jump over the creek to can you do a cartwheel like I was always willing to try and sometimes I failed and had to practice so I got it yeah but I'm still that way still can't you see her the six-year-old AJ I could see her amazing okay so these are some of this is for our IRL audience who may need a little help okay you see where we're going with this okay yeah so we were looking at some of the things that some of the hardest points not just hard but the most monumental points in people's lives that they may struggle with transition or heartbreak or um you know new things at our hearts and so we looked at some of the biggest changes in people's lives divorce is one of them you've guided people through that yeah so then i'd ask the question i ask around that is how does somebody heal after that Like, what is the fastest route to healing after that?

52:01I've dealt with a few divorces. And what I'll say for our time's sake right now is so often people get anchored to the circumstance as opposed to anchoring to who they are. and what this union was supposed to help them shine in. And I believe that. I believe your union is supposed to help you shine. And if it's not, then why are you choosing it? That's kind of where I start. What happened in this union that either stopped your shine or, you know, what happened? And a lot of people say, I never shined. I just felt like, you know, this was going to be a good life choice and or I wanted to move or he was making.

52:49I mean, there's a lot of different reasons why people get married. The pressure of being coupled. Yeah. You know, I'm getting older. So I thought, you know, this is what's going on in my life right now. And so when I hear those kind of answers, it's like, okay, now what we have to do is discover where your shine is. Because you didn't know to demand it in the relationship. So now we've got to go back. And I say soul excavation. I use that term a lot. We got to go back soul and a soul excavate, go deeper into your soul to find out why did you choose a life path where you didn't shine? And then let's fix that and see the new people it attracts.

53:27And then nine times out of 10 weeks into it, people go, I know what, I can tell now why that marriage was never going to work. I'm like, well, see? Hindsight. Yeah. So I always take it back into them. It's not really ever about the relationship. It's who are you in this relationship? Who did you bring to this union? who did you want to become in this union and where did you think you were starting to become that person and you didn't even have a launch pad it's it's always about the inside and then some people are in that relationship for so long they don't even know who they are outside of that relationship I have seen that in some friends too I have a client that stayed in a relationship she admitted for 30 years and she just said you know it was easier to tolerate what I knew.

54:10And you know, a lot of people are more comfortable in what they know, even if it's not what they want. Sometimes they're more comfortable staying in what they know than taking the challenge and the leap into the unknown. And then the work becomes, but what if, there's the thing, the what if, what if the unknown holds your blessings? Hey guys, so I was scrolling through the Sprite Living track list the other day and I immediately started arguing with myself about what should be there, what shouldn't and why. And it's very easy to do that. Arguing about songs like California Love and Still Not a Player and Definition.

54:43There are so many songs, so many moments, so many memories. And this is just a snapshot of where hip hop was and where it's going. That's what Sprite gets. The past 40 years, they've been celebrating artists who define the culture. And now they're turning the conversation over to the fans. And if you're like me, the real fun is getting into the why. Why do these songs matter? Why does that line hit? Why did it change hip-hop forever. And now I can't promise you any answers, but what Sprite will give you is a good time figuring it out. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com.

55:17This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table.

55:56It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B.

56:33I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

57:22Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planting houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment.

57:58God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

58:48When somebody like that, there's so much unknown that can be small. It can be go for a walk in the park. It can be go take a dance class by yourself. It could be go sit at the bar by yourself and start a conversation. It could be small things that help people discover who they are that they blocked for so long. Oh, that's good. Do a lot of people come to you in that moment, in that time? You know, honestly, some people come to me for other reasons and then we uncover it's the real issue. Got it. Some people come to me, oh, I want to lose 10 pounds. And I'm going, okay, well, how'd you gain the weight?

59:21My marriage. Well, what about your marriage? Well, he and she and I was like, okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So before we lose the weight, let's talk about this relationship problem. Because that's where the weight's coming from. And I'll say sometimes, ooh, sometimes the weight gain is not just from food. It can be bad trauma. It can be bad situations that you're carrying. Ooh, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, sometimes it's like, you know, we get to the other issue, but they'll come to me for something completely different. Yeah. And then you get and then we uncover you uncover.

59:48Yeah. Let's talk about a good life change. Like people actually coming to union. Yeah. I guess the question you kind of already answered is like, when does that work? But it's one thing to say, what's on the other side of this might be better for you. But what about somebody who's actually maybe found it, maybe scared of it, maybe don't know how to be in the type of union? You know what I mean? Yeah. How do you navigate that? I kind of feel like I'm that right now. What do you mean? I'm in that position where I found someone who checks a lot of the boxes. And so now what I have to learn is how do I navigate so many boxes that get checked?

1:00:28It's not perfect, but I've gotten, you know, I'm so used to settling for two boxes checked or three boxes checked. Now I got eight out of 10 boxes checked. Ooh, that's some different shit, right? Like, what do I do now? That there's so much that's right, right? So even that, and so I confessed. I was like, you know, I don't know how to navigate this. And so we're learning together what that looks like. So using my real life experience, I'll say to them, it's a process, first of all. And you have to go back to relationship school. You have to go back to self-school. I call that a lot. There's things you're going to learn about yourself that you don't know yet.

1:01:04And this union may have been brought to your life to be your school. Because you may not do it for somebody you don't love. but because you're now in love with this person you want to build a future with this person there's places you're going to go you may never go with someone else and so let's see what that looks like. You just made me have a thought I had this conversation with a girlfriend the other day and she was saying she's been with this person for a long time and she's feeling to the point she's going to have to like either get married or let it go and loves the person not sure in love some people are in just a relationship that doesn't rock any boat.

1:01:41They're just kind of there. They're just kind of there. There's no fireworks, but there's no problems. And then they just coast there. My advice was you should go to a therapist and you should start your sessions with, I need clarity. Yeah. And then have them ask you all the questions so that you know what the answer is. Because there is an answer. I always believe there is an answer. There is an answer. There's always an answer. There's an answer. And I mean, something you said, I'm gonna say I think we all deserve fireworks they're gonna be different I mean you know some people 4th of July and just you know at the parties and stuff you know some people like the design some people like the ones that are loud some people like this you know but I think we all deserve the ooh feeling of fireworks but you have to know what brings you the fireworks right?

1:02:32before you even get into the relationship with the fireworks yeah because you might throw somebody away because they don't give you fireworks works, but you actually might be the person who has extra flammable clothing on, flame-resistant clothing on. You might be the problem. It's like, you know, investigate self, because a lot of times we find ourselves really settling for a lot, and we don't realize that we really are worthy. We're worthy of what we want. We're worthy of having a life filled with joy and happiness and peace, but we just are not necessarily willing to do the work on ourselves first.

1:03:10And then within the relationship, whatever that relationship is, you know, we're just not willing to do the work to actually find that joy, peace, and happiness. But I feel like the first step is you got to believe that you're worthy. And so many of us don't. Why? Why? It could be, you know, upbringing. It could be relationships that people witness coming up. You know, a lot of people are argumentative and problematic because that's the mother-father relationship that they were raised in. You know, a lot of domestic violence happens that way. When you're raised around or within a domestic violent family, you don't know anything different.

1:03:48And so love becomes that black eye or that grab. I know, you know, thank God it sounds foreign to us, but it's true. And so it can come from a lot of different places. And even that, it's like, you know, whatever the agreement has been, I don't care how long it's been in your life. I just believe that if you believe, that word keeps coming up for us, if you believe strongly that you can shift, then the shift is possible. But you've got to be willing to do that work to let go of what's old and create the new agreement to shift. And so that's called work, right? That's self-work. It's looking within self to say, hey, you know what?

1:04:29I believe I can have more. I want more. It's going to take a lot of me releasing the old, the old agreements, letting go of them, and trying to walk and be part of new agreements. But I believe I'm worthy. I believe I can have it. And I'm not going to stop until I get it. That's what it takes. That's what it takes. You believe you are, right? Oh, for sure. You should believe you're the guy with the eight boxes. That might be a... Oh, I believe it. I believe it. I believe it. I'm just learning. That's pretty good. Oh, I know, right? I was impressed when you said there was eight boxes checked. Listen, so am I.

1:05:04So am I. I don't know. You might have to get rid of the hiking guys. I'm just, you know, and they're falling off. Believe it or not, they're falling off. You might have to clean house a little bit. And I got to tell you, can I tell you something about him? Yes. He doesn't ask about the other ones. He doesn't talk about the other ones. Anybody knows about the other ones. You're honest. But he doesn't bring it up because he's busy working on the boxes that he wants to check. And I think that's amazing. Sometimes I want to volunteer and go, so you know the movie guy? I dropped him. And then inside it's like, why are you telling him?

1:05:38He's not asking. But I think he kind of knows already. He kind of knows that I'm getting more and more into him because he just checks all these boxes. That's amazing. Yeah. I love that for you. I love it for me too. I'm going to be 108 by the time it works out. But I mean, you know. No, stop. Don't say that. Don't say that. Is that something you want? What's the something? Like, do you want to be coupled, married? I don't know. I don't know. That matters to a woman. That matters to some women a lot. And some women are like, I'm okay either way. I want the partnership. I am attracted to the connection.

1:06:17I don't necessarily need the traditional titles for it. Got it. I mean, again, the eight boxes, you know, he's a great traveler, athletic, spiritual, nutritionally guided. The other boxes, you know, loves and appreciates family, funny, emotional. I mean, there's a lot of things that the boxes, I know. I don't even know my boxes, I just realized. We got to do your boxes. Is that crazy? It is crazy. You got to know your boxes. Because if you don't know your boxes, how do you get them checked? Does everybody know their boxes? You got to know your boxes. No? Yes? Do you know your boxes, Britt? Of course.

1:06:57Most of you. You got to know your boxes. Everybody knows their boxes? Yeah. My sense of humor is a box. I have a kind of a dry sense of humor. So, you know, that's a box. You've got to get my sense of humor. I'm emotional. Yeah, you got to be able. Why don't I have a box? How do you navigate my emotional thing? That's good. It's like, you know, I can pick up a car, but I can also start crying 10 minutes after that. So it's like, you know, how do you navigate that? You know, I'm not going to always be, you know, that just always that one lane. Like, OK, we met sitting at a bar. See, that's why I tell somebody to sit at a bar by yourself.

1:07:29We met sitting at a bar and we just kind of started, you know, it was a banter. He said, so I had on like some workout clothes and he said, so are those biceps hanging out like for somebody or can I have the seat? Because they're kind of in the way. And we started, see, I'm already laughing again. And I started laughing and we just kind of started talking. And then as we talked, I think I had like three Vodka Tonics and he was like, so how many, I thought you were going to the gym, how many, do you go to the gym on Vodka Tonic or what do you do? And so he just kind of had a sense of humor that I liked.

1:08:02And so, you know, it became a thing of me saying, so tell me what has God done to blow your mind today? and I've asked that question before and guys are like oh oh you know I gotta think of that oh boy and he was like oh my gosh how much time do you have he's like first of all starting this morning and he went through this list and I was like I love you I was like you know Capricorns I was like I think I'm in love what clothes my dress gonna be what shoe what's our location I went I went straight into that who's coming to the wedding yeah I was like who's gonna be in the wedding party. I was already in that space.

1:08:37So there's questions I ask. That's one of them. Another question is, you know, do you feel like friendship? No, I'll say, you know, who are your top three friends? And I ask that to see if any of them are women. And what would that tell you? Well, that he believes in friendship with women. And then I can go into, so are you guys dating or are you just really friends? So he goes more into that. and he said you know he said my friendships with women I haven't dated them and I said why not and he said well it started off thinking it was going to be that but then I saw that there was more more purpose in us being friends and he said and to me you know I feel like as a man there has to be a spiritual discipline that understands just because she's beautiful and she's smart doesn't mean that you know we have to lay down it could mean that God's sending her to my life for another reason and I was like Okay.

1:09:32So, of course, you know, these were some of the questions. This is at the bar. You're having these deep... First date. First date. Yeah. Yeah. And he was asking me questions like that. And so we hadn't even exchanged numbers. We had just kind of met having that kind of conversation. And then he said, so we should stay in touch, don't you think? And I said, give me your number. I didn't give him mine. I said, give me your number. And, you know, maybe I'll call you. And he said, okay, that's cool. And you called? That night. I was like, hey. He was like, oh. He was like, who is this? Then he started playing.

1:10:04I said, it's AJ. He was like, AJ who? So, of course, he started laughing. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. This is cute. Right? This is cute. Okay. So, you know, I thought it was cute. Hey, guys. So, I was scrolling through this Bright Living track list the other day, and I immediately started arguing with myself about what should be there, what shouldn't, and why. And it's very easy to do that. Arguing about songs like California Love and Still Not a Player and Definition. There are so many songs, so many moments, so many memories, and this is just a snapshot of where hip-hop was and where it's going. That's what Sprite gets.

1:10:36The past 40 years, they've been celebrating artists who define the culture, and now they're turning the conversation over to the fans. And if you're like me, the real fun is getting into the why. Why do these songs matter? Why does that line hit? Why did it change hip-hop forever? And now I can't promise you any answers, but what Sprite will give you is a good time figuring it out. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home.

1:11:11This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse. I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse.

1:11:48Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

1:12:26I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:13:06Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America? Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planting houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment.

1:13:43God need men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration. Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:14:33you know, they have to be able to flow with that. Like, right? He couldn't be intimidated by it. He's like that. Oh, he's the same. See, that's the other thing. That's one of the boxes. He likes to ask the questions. He's just like me. He's specific about what kind of woman is he talking to? And I love that because I'm like, yeah, because what kind of man am I talking to? And so it's not a battle. It's a connection in us learning each other and learning how it works. This is like your man, AJ. You think? Yes. Are you kidding? Do I have a man? I think you have a man. Really? I think your little rotation has to stop today.

1:15:13Well, you know, let's see. This is cute. Let's see. You know, yeah. Let's see. We go on walks and talk about the end of the day. I mean, it's really, really nice. Even that. I love this for you. That was a box for me. You got to want to walk. Walk on the beach. When we go to someplace, a new country or a new city, let's throw our bags down. Let's go walk, explore. That's a box for me. I'm a walker. I'm an athlete. Like, I want to get around. I want to get out. And I never even said anything. And our second date, we went out to dinner. And he was like, you want to go? You want to walk? And I was like, who told you?

1:15:44And he was like, tell me what? And I was like, do you know I like to walk? He was like, no, but I like to walk. He's like, let's walk. And he grabbed my hand and we started walking. Oh, my God. Right? You love him. You love him. We'll see. We'll see. My little walking buddy. That's so cute. I mean, there's so many life things. It would take us a whole like seven episodes to go through all of these. Well, we'll just have to come back and do part two, right? Yeah, for sure. But again, I like this box thing, especially since you haven't done it. I've never in my life done it. Well, see, we have to start.

1:16:16That's the thing. Checking the box. What are your boxes? And make sure you get them checked. I don't think I've had boxes. I think I know I may... What's two? Two boxes? Yeah, two that you can't... They need to be checked. That have to be checked. Yes. For you? Yeah. You're asking me two boxes? That have to be checked for you to say this could be cool. He has to have a relationship with God. How do you find that out? Conversation. Right. It's not just conversation because people say that. Right. I just kind of want to see it. He asked, could he pray with me? That's good. I don't know what I was doing.

1:16:53I was talking to him about something and I said, you know what? I really have to make some decisions. And he said, you know what? Can we pray about it? And I was like, is it bad, God, that I'm kind of turned on right now that he wants to pray? I was like, okay. What did God say when he downloaded you? God said, pray first. We'll get to that, Missy. Missy Hot Pants. We'll get to that. Get the prayer done. Because this is a box that's been checked in a long time. So God was like, see, here we go. Get the prayer box checked. I didn't know that was a box. You know, this is, I'm jumping. Oh, go back to you.

1:17:25I didn't jump. Go back to you. Sorry. What was the other box? Oh, so he has that relationship got a real one. And I'm good at reading people and sensing, so I would have to know that. He also has to be curious about life and want to, like you say, travel. I love to golf. It would be a plus. A box, a golf box would be like that might. That trumps a couple of boxes. It might trump something else. Right. If he was like a golfer and I really liked it and we could do that. I met a woman yesterday who also said she golfed and she said, oh, my God, I found it a couple of years ago when I golfed with my husband.

1:17:57She goes, we could be having an argument. And then after, he'd be like, do you want to go play around? And she's like, yes, I do. And they find that thing. And I thought, oh, that's so cute. That's a nice little box to be able to check. But that's not a who you are box. That's a thing box. It kind of is, though. Maybe. It's a lifestyle box. Listen, there's a mind that plays golf. Just like there's a mind that plays chess. Yeah. Right? There's a mind that plays golf. There's an intellect that plays golf. Golf is a whole lifestyle. Yeah. Right? And I think the big box is, do you know who you are?

1:18:35That's a big, huge box. You got to break that one down. It's a huge box. You got to break it down. But you have to have at least made an attempt. What? To know who you are. But what does that mean? That means you know the things, you know your weaknesses, you know where you need to work, you know mistakes you made. Yes, you're self-aware. That's the box, self-aware. It's self-aware. So self-aware is a box. Self-aware. And these are the questions you ask to see where he is within that self-awareness. Yeah. What's he working on? And I mean, I ask those kind of questions. You do. Yeah. I'll say, what did you learn about yourself this week that you don't like?

1:19:11The wrong person. Boy, this could turn the wrong person off in a tank. And it has. It has. And it has. But you get rid of that quick, right? Yeah, get out of here. Exactly. That's so good. And he laughs. He laughs. That's so good. And I'll say, you know what? I have something I want to ask you. And he'll start laughing. He'll go, okay, let me get ready. Let me get ready. AJ Johnson's going to ask me. Let me get ready. And he just laughs. I had Savannah James and April McDaniel. You know, they have the podcast. I had them on the show. And we had this conversation about friendships and girlfriends.

1:19:36And this person called in and asked them, if you saw your man cheating, if you saw your friend's man out with another woman, do you tell your friend? And, you know, April was like, of course I would. I'm going up to the table. I'm doing. And Savannah was like, you know, I might just, I don't know. I might, you know, I might say hello. I'll tell her, you know, I'll tell her later. And then it brought up a conversation that I've had with different friends. It's like, sometimes you mind your business because you don't know what's happening. Also, your friend has chosen that person. Your friend knows them a lot of the times.

1:20:11And they have made that choice to be with that person. So do I now go and serve myself and become a third party? And, you know, and so for somebody like you, I wonder, because you see truth in people, if sometimes you hold back or sometimes you don't feel comfortable or safe to... Do you understand what I'm asking you? Like having that kind of thing where you see people. Yeah, I see you. Yeah. You know what? So maybe I'm not going to say nothing. Or maybe I will. I make sure, no matter who it is, whoever's out with the person, I make sure they see me. I'll go over. I'm kind of like April. I'll go over, say hi, introduce myself to whoever the person is.

1:20:51and say, you know, it's good to see you. And then I'm done. And at some point, I'm going to say, so what are we doing with this? Like, is this friendship? Is this, like, what's happening here? Because I don't have to say anything, but don't make me say something. You know what I mean? You handle that. So now you know I know, whatever it is. But you don't go to the friend. No. No. No, because of what you're saying. No. Because again, I don't want to start something that may already be in existence. Interesting. I mean, if I know more details, If she's come to me and she said, I think my dude is cheating.

1:21:24I can't figure it out. He's coming in late. He's this, that, and the other. And then I see that. I still go to him and say, so, you know, your girl has said things to me that makes me think she kind of feels something's not right. So I think you need to talk with her. I still would go to him. Really? And make it a them thing. And I'll say, if you want me there, I can help. Women get fired up about this conversation. I don't know why. There's such a strong feeling about how, as a friend, you should handle that. So interesting to me. But even aside from the man cheating scenario, just the idea of like giving people advice.

1:21:56Like you see something in somebody from afar, even. You walk in a room, you're like, man. Because I imagine you see. I see a lot. Right. I see a lot. That's what I'm saying. Yes, I see a lot. Do you sometimes have to figure out, should I say something? Should I not? I only say something if I'm asked. and if I feel like it's going to help, if I know it's going to help. I don't say anything if I'm not sure where it could go. Like I said, if somebody's having a hard time in their relationship and, you know, and they're feeling like something's off and they can't put their hand on it and then I see the off, then I still go to the person first and say this has to be handled because he or she is feeling it.

1:22:42And they're right. And, you know, you need to do something about that before I do. So I usually say, who's going to tell her? Or who's going to tell her? Near you. Oof. They hate you. Maybe. But you know, I mean, I'm big on no cheating. That's a whole other episode. Is that a box? Is that a box? Oh, yeah. What is that box? That box is no cheating. Like, tell me. I mean, listen, I'm telling you I've got other guys I'm seeing. You can tell me. And I'm telling you when the guys disappear. So there's no reason to cheat. There's no reason to cheat. To me, a cheater is a coward. It's, you know, if you can't tell me that, you know, I'm no longer the one, if you can't tell me that you have interest in other people, we can't, what are we doing?

1:23:29Life to me is too short. Like, I want to be with someone and I want to spend time with someone that wants to have fun in the truth. And if the truth is I'm not it and I'm not the only one, I want to know that. So one, I can be, I can choose. Do I want to stay where I am with you or do I want to go and have some more fun with someone else? You at least are in truth. At least we're in truth. Yeah. Yeah. And that's another reason why I don't need the titles. I don't need the girlfriend. I don't need the fiance. I don't need to be married. But if we are living our alignments and our agreements and we're committed to that, then again, if my life is committed to the God that I serve, then my partner is going to reap the benefits of my commitment, my spiritual commitment.

1:24:11if the guy is living a spiritual commitment that he wants to to impress and and and make sure that he's getting God's validation I'm gonna reap the benefits of that so that's what I need that's what I want I don't need it titled yeah so good yeah yeah so good yeah I don't need the title I don't need it it's hard I'm not gonna say no to it it seems so easy I don't know why it's so hard for people like it's it's pretty easy actually like for the guys out there who don't like just Just say it. Just be honest, right? Just be truthful. It's an easier way to live life. But I have to tell you also, you know, I've been living this way for a long time.

1:24:51So even for men that approach me, they kind of now know. I don't meet very many strangers. I mean, sometimes if I'm out of the country, maybe, but I try to make sure that they get to know who I am so that they understand from the gate, this is kind of where I live. and so you know there's no reason like I don't believe in cheating there's no reason for that um if you and I hit it off then awesome you know maybe it's friends maybe it's not you know I don't jump into sex fast because I want to know who you are and how you are and you know and I'm the prize anyway so you know you gotta earn that yeah you know what I mean yeah so but a lot of women you know there's a lot of different things they're going through they jump into sexually fast and now they try to backtrack to see who this guy is and it's like okay you already passed that boo You know what I mean?

1:25:35So it's a lot of different ways people handle it. I'm not saying it's, I'm not judging it. I'm just saying it's hard to back off of that. You're now in a sexual relationship. So it's hard to back off of that to find out what his favorite color is. Right? We've passed that, boo. Yeah, we're kind of passed that. I don't think he cares neither do you at this point. You're so funny. I have to say, we can't go, I'm about to go to IRL questions and we have a, like a voice note for you. Okay. But we have to acknowledge the 25th anniversary of Baby Boy. Yes. 25 years is crazy. Even we were shocked. We were shocked.

1:26:10I went to dinner with Vane to celebrate. And he was like, are you sure it's 25 years? And I was like, yes, sir. You guys are still friends? Oh, the best. The best. That dynamic was so classic. Why do you think that that resonated with people, your role in that movie, so much? My role or the he and I? Both. Um, well, I'll say this. The Ving and I, the Melvin and Juanita, I believe at that time, we had not really seen Black love for real. And, you know, John talked to us about, you know, what was our intention in that relationship. and Ving and I both said we wanted to make sure that we displayed a level of Black love that hadn't been seen before.

1:26:52The freaky parts, the emotional parts, the, you know, what happens when you really, really decide you're feeling somebody. Because, of course, we knew where the story goes. I've got to at some point say, you have to leave the house, Jodi, because, you know, you need to, and I need you to. So it's got to be a relationship that pushes me to even say that. So it's got to be heavy and deep for me. So I also think for Ving and I to decide that, you know, there's a chemistry that happens in that kind of love. And I think we already had chemistry, but we already, we also decided what chemistry got shown on camera.

1:27:25The close-ups, the kissing, the eye-to-eye, the nose-to-nose. We made those kind of visual decisions that demonstrated the chemistry. And it worked, right? For my character, I knew, and this is interesting even for my acting, I knew with House Party, I also knew with Baby Boy that I was taking on a responsibility for Black women. And that, you know, whether it was the House Party girl from high school from around the way that was popular, that had never necessarily been labeled the popular one, now was her chance, the brown skin girl, but maybe never been labeled pretty before. Or I knew that in the writing of the script, I knew that I was taken on the responsibility to give other brown-skinned girls permission to be that girl.

1:28:13And so I knew that. I knew that. In Baby Boy, I knew that as a single woman raising a male child, that there was certain permission that women around the world would get from me in this role to say, you don't have to know it all. But as long as you lead with love, you're not going to know everything. but make sure that every decision leads with love. And that's what I try to do. And also, you gave yourself permission to take care of yourself, which a lot of times we always see the mother in the movies, like everything for her child. And she sacrifices her love or her relationship for her baby boy.

1:28:56And you were like, you got to get out the house. I love you, but you got to get out the house because me and my man are running around here naked. I learned early that there was responsibility in the roles that I choose. I learned early. I mean, House Party was the first one and it continued to go. So I was blessed to work with Alfre Woodard, Cicely Tyson, John Amos early in my career, the greats. and differently, but the same message they all shared, which was don't go for being just in every film. Make sure that you understand that there's a message God's given you to distribute in your work.

1:29:32And so I still live by that. If there's not a message that I feel like it's mine and mine to give, then it's not my project. So in that one, we talk about baby boy. That's what you felt. You felt that connection to that role. And to this day, I meet women around the world, London, Australia, Africa, and they'll say, you know, you gave me permission. You know, you gave me permission to walk away or you gave me, you know, or I'm in that situation right now and you're teaching me. Yeah, what is it? Mama got to have a life too. Yeah, yeah. Mama got to have a life too. When I said that line, I didn't even understand as much as I do now.

1:30:08Yeah. Crazy. It's real. It is real. That was so real. And people are telling me now. People are saying, you know, now I understand more why you were in that garden. I was a kid then. Now, 25 years later, I'm a grown ass woman and I get it. I love that. While you were in that garden. Yeah. I love it. I love it. That's amazing. You must be really proud of, I don't know, just what you leave in terms of films and roles. I'm extremely proud. I am. And it helps me navigate what's next. You know, I'm really proud and I learn every day. 25 years later, the fact that people are still talking about it, watching it, quoting it, loving it.

1:30:50That's a blessing. When we do films, we don't know that's what's going to happen. Yeah, for sure. And the fact that I've been a part of several projects like that is just a blessing. What is next? In acting? Yeah, I mean, do you know? You know, I've got a project I'm waiting to hear on. but you know I feel like in the projects I've done they are for sure following that that that lead of what's the what's the message I did Fighting to Be Me for BET about a year ago playing the mom of a trans and so that was new for me and accepting the trans world but I thought that was something that needed to be done I played I did two Christmas movies and you know I was the voice of reason surprise But I love that.

1:31:35I love that my life is starting to show up in my art, which I think is great. That's a compliment. All I'm going to say in terms of what's next is I'm putting it out there that I want to do more travel. I want to do some foreign films. Like I said, I want to do the action. But even in terms of just being the voice of reason, I don't mind that. I don't mind that. Somebody else can be the nurse. I want to be the girlfriend that speaks up I want to be the wife that challenges the husband or that challenges the kids or I'm looking It's like what you do in real life Kind of Same spirit, different circumstance Some place to pour that spirit into it Hey guys, you ever sign up for a phone plan thinking wow, what a great price and then a few months later it's like surprise, your bill is higher We hate that.

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1:33:10Hey guys, so I was scrolling through the Sprite Living track list the other day and I immediately started arguing with myself about what should be there, what shouldn't and why. And it's very easy to do that. Arguing about songs like California Love and Still Not a Player and Definition. There are so many songs, so many moments, so many memories. And this is just a snapshot of where hip-hop was and where it's going. That's what Sprite gets. The past 40 years, they've been celebrating artists who define the culture, and now they're turning the conversation over to the fans. And if you're like me, the real fun is getting into the why.

1:33:41Why do these songs matter? Why does that line hit? Why did it change hip-hop forever? And now I can't promise you any answers, but what Sprite will give you is a good time figuring it out. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living track list. Obey your thirst. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. This is Prose Society, the weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for thought daughters, pop culture obsessives, and anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

1:34:19I'm Eli Rallo, and every week we're connecting the dots between books, the internet, and the conversations everyone can't stop having. I'm going to have to look up this story. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. From best-selling authors and your favorite book talk creators to the latest pop culture moments, nothing is off the table. It's like if you can hide some real messages inside compelling characters, then that is a Trojan horse. Whether you're looking for literary deep dives, smart pop culture conversations, or a community of readers who love to think a little too much, you're in the right place.

1:34:53Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. See you between the pages. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us, not a lot of people smile around here.

1:35:35It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Our town is small taters by most standards, right? But to the people who grew up here, it's everything. What happens when a quiet Tennessee town becomes the front line in a battle over the future of America?

1:36:14Developers with right-wing ties have purchased hundreds of acres of land in the area. The first thing you see when it pops up is pioneers in Appalachia. But they weren't just planting houses. We need cities on a shining hill that exemplify and embody the Christian way of life. Stop right there. Is that normal? A podcast about what happens when a small town becomes the site of a social experiment. God needs men to rule. Great. And decides to fight back. Do not use my hard work to sell your bull****. They're not just opposing what's being planned for here. Our hometown is not a test tube. They feel like they're standing in opposition to an entire administration.

1:36:56Guess you didn't move in on a bunch of dumb hillbillies now, did you? Listen to Our Town on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:37:10We have a voice note. We have a segment called Voice No Segment. Somebody sends you a message or a question. Okay. I don't know who it is. I didn't hear this one. So I'm going to share right now. So you don't even know what it is either? I don't know either. Hey, AJ, what's up? My name's Eddie. So I just got promoted. And now I'm managing people who used to be my coworkers. And one of the people that I was really close with, you know, we used to be talking shit about other people at work, the other bosses. and now I'm in this position of being their boss. So I don't know. Is it weird? I'm not sure how it's going to affect my relationship with my friend right now.

1:37:51So, yeah, I don't know. What you got? He's looking for help and guidance. Did he say his name? Eddie. Yeah, I love that. So what you got? I'm going to have to start with that. What you got? Oh, Eddie, first of all, get your question out. Yeah, for sure. For sure. But what I did hear and what I did get to give him is, you know, again, walking in truth, you got to tell this friend that your professional position has changed and it doesn't necessarily have to change the friendship, but the circumstance and how the friendship lives at work has to be different. Yeah. Sometimes in that case, people can feel like you're leaving them because you're elevating.

1:38:38And in some cases you are. But in a lot of cases, you have to just basically speak up and say, listen, you know, I have to learn, too, what our friendship is going to look like in this different professional standpoint. But your friendship's of value to me. And let's see how we can do this together. And how many people talk like that, right? Yeah. We got to talk more about I'm including you in this work. And I don't even know what I'm doing. So I need your help in navigating this new elevation. Yeah. And he may disappoint you. That's what I said. And better for you to know now. And so then you can go on about your career and not let him slow you down or weigh you down.

1:39:15One of my affirmations is I trust what goes. I trust what stays. You know, some things fade because something brighter is on the way. And so when you operate in that space, it makes it easier to come with truth and say, so who are you? Are you a friend that's going to help me get through this? And we're going to elevate together in the workplace? Maybe our friendship shifts because we can no longer really be friends at work. Or maybe it dissolves. But clearly, you got promoted, so you're elevated. But ultimately, it's truth, like you said, right? Like, just get to the truth. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why so many people are afraid of the truth and run from the truth because that's love.

1:39:53The truth is love. That's so good, AJ. Okay, we got a bowl. This is our IRL bowl. Okay. Do we have a sponsor on our bowl? Do I have to say or do it later? Great. I love this. You know what's so great about this? I do this at parties. You do? I do. I want to go to one of your parties. I haven't done one in a long time, but I use them and you will. I want to see one of them. I want to have one of these experiences. It may be different than this. I don't know tell me what this is they're just a real life they're just questions to start a a conversation they're just real life questions yeah they're like yeah how you operate your real life you see they're all different you can pick one until you like one you don't have to pick what are three things people should care less about oh that's a good one for you that is a good one I like this okay like as a gang what are three things people should care less about you're gonna be good in the bowl well you might have to do two or three of these yeah one thing I think people should care less about is what other people think of them.

1:40:50We're all on different journeys, and most people are expressing their thoughts, one, as a reflection of how they feel about something. I learned this from Don McGarue as Four Agreements. Have you ever read the book? Four Agreements? Yes. And he talks about don't take things personal, whether it's a compliment or not a compliment. It's just a reflection of how they feel about something. So it's not really about you. So that's the first thing. Number two, what you should care less about. Boundaries that other people set that they want to place on you that don't necessarily follow your life. Like, some people feel like, you know, I date too young.

1:41:27Okay, well then that's, you know, I'm having a blast. So, there's that. You laugh whenever I say that. And then the third thing that people should care less about is

1:41:45Oh, let's see. Three things people should care less about. How you present yourself in the world. It may not fit my life, but if it fits your life, I'm going to be happy and celebrate you. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to be connected in it, but I feel like I shouldn't care so much about how you present yourself. Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. That's good. Look, did I do good? I'm ready. Can I do another one? Yeah, do a couple. How happy are you on a scale of one to 10? Yeah. I almost want you to answer that. Now that we've said here. Okay. Why do you say that? Because I want to see what I'm giving off.

1:42:26You want me to answer what I think you're giving? Yeah. How happy do you think I am on a scale of one to 10? Nine. Really? Yeah. I was going to say eight. Okay. I love that. I think, well, today. I don't know how you are every day or how you were this morning. Yeah, no. Because my goal is to understand that even the valleys are not punishment. They're to help stretch me and they're to help grow. Whatever I'm going through, that valley has a lesson in it or lessons plural to help stretch me, to prepare me for my next elevation. And so instead of being depressed about the valley, I run to it, grab the lessons and try to get out.

1:43:06Yeah. So for me, when a valley comes, I'm excited because I know what it's about. Something's coming. Something's coming. Better than where I'm at. Yeah. So, I mean, and honestly, even in the time when I told you I was, like, I'm dealing with some betrayal and some disappointment. As painful as it's been, and it has been painful, I understand why I'm being taken through it. Oh, this is happening now in real time. Real time. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. Real time. But you see, you called me a nine. Am I happy? Yeah. It seems. I don't know. Well, yeah, because I mean, I'm not faking it. I understand.

1:43:40I mean, I cry, but I mean, not as long as I did in January. Not as hard as I did in February. You know, I talk about it, but I now understand and I've been able to see how I'm healing and where I'm going through it. Yeah. You follow that? I do. So my happy doesn't get detoured. It actually expands. That's funny. We used to ask that all the time on the pod and we kind of haven't. But that was always like, you know how we say to people, hey, how you doing? Oh, I'm good. Okay. But that doesn't really answer a question. But when you ask somebody how happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10, we used to do that on set.

1:44:15We would ask everybody on set. Somebody would say 5, 6, 8, 7. But, you know, sometimes somebody would say 4 and then everybody would pay attention. Yeah. We wouldn't do that before. You know, I just think it's a nice way to really check in. Yeah. Ask how happy are you today. It's really supposed to be not in general. Today. How happy are you today? I honestly don't think I drop under a five. Ever? Really? No. I mean, you know, if there's some trauma happening or a death or something, I can drop then. But I just, you know, again, I focus so much of my life on learning that I'm being expanded. I'm being refined.

1:44:58and that's why I say this period of my life I know for sure I'm in a season of refinement and I'm trusting it so it's not painless it's not painless but I also it makes it easier because I know what it is do you know? I do okay here we go ready? I love this game you're so good at the bowl nothing about this surprises me this is awesome I say this all the time I'm no longer available for chaos I'm no longer available for confusion I'm no longer available for pessimism I'm no longer available for betrayal I'm no longer available for um uh for lies I'm no longer available for um anything that represents um uh a misalignment.

1:45:58I'm only available for peace, for joy, for happiness, and for anything that aligns to my highest good. You know what I just had a thought about? I have a friend who's, she's really, she's always the person. She listens a lot to people. People always call her when they're going through something. And I used to say to her, be careful because people will dump Yeah. And make sure that you're not just of use to all of your friends to dump on, you know, because it's very easy when somebody's that's your role. Right. And then all of a sudden you're like a trash can. Right. So you could you could be the nicest, sweetest person.

1:46:41But like that attracts sometimes people who need to dump shit in your trash can. And I just wonder for you how you navigate that because that can be complicated if all your friends look to you to fix them. I started with letting them know there's a difference between friendship time and coach time. So say we're out at dinner as friends and they ask me something that's a coach question. I'll say, so I'm closed. but tomorrow tomorrow at 8am let's schedule an appointment and let's talk this through but right now I'm going to order another vodka tonic and we're going to have friendship time and I mean after doing that for years they get to understand and sometimes they'll go okay I don't know if this is a friend question or and I say well ask me and I'll tell you and they'll ask me and I'll say well it's kind of both what's a friend question and what's a word question a friend question is something where we where it's there's a sharing between us.

1:47:45So a friend question is, okay, so, you know, remember when we were talking about such and such and you were saying that we should do, I'm wondering if I should wear the white dress or that. Okay, that's a friendship question. A client question is, okay, so, you know, when we were talking about the guy and I'm going to wear the white dress, I'm not sure if this is a coffee date. I'm not sure if this should be, okay, that's a client question. Because that has nothing to do with me as your friend. Got it. You see what I mean? I do. Now I'm advising you in a potential relationship. Yeah. I'm not mad at it, but this is supposed to be a friendship dinner.

1:48:15Yeah. So I started drawing the line. I started making boundaries early on. I was going to say, it requires, if you're that type of personality, that it requires to have boundaries. Like real boundaries. You know, I try to make it funny to say, you know, okay, so that's a client and we're supposed to be in friendship mode. So can we do this tomorrow? And you know what? I'm sorry. What are we doing here? Yeah. In real lives. Oh, here they go. Do you want to do one more in the bowl? Yes. Can I? Yeah. You're so cute. She likes the bowl. A prayer or affirmation you say often. Wow. Oh, I know you got good ones.

1:48:50I do. I'm trying to figure out which one I'm going to say. Okay. A prayer affirmation you say often. Well, one of them is I'm only attracting what aligns with my highest good. That's what I say all the time. Um, another one is, um, um, um, I'm only accepting divine right things, divine right people and divine right timing. Cause divine right is a deep divine, right? The divine right. You could say right people, right places, but divine right. That's God saying yes, no, maybe. So that's one of mine. And one more I'm going to say I love is I prosper in everything I do. I prosper in everything I am.

1:49:38I prosper in everything I say. Everything's working out for me? Yes. Everything's working out for my good. Yeah. I prosper in everything I do. Good one. Yeah. Of course they're all good. And I got to say this. This made me a surprise. What? I love doing things by myself. well maybe I'm not gonna be about myself much longer no because you have a boyfriend now you're saying that do I have a boyfriend? I don't know you do but that's such a title are you dating anyone else besides him right now? I know you said you have rotation but really are you? no not really you've kind of got them off I'm ready to get you out you're not even like you're barely like I've got one or two hanging still by a thread by a thread the rabbit on the grass trying to stay on the mountain right?

1:50:24try to hold on you try to fall you grab anything in the air but I love to hike by myself I love to shop by myself I love to go to the movies by myself I actually like to travel sometimes by myself so I you know I don't mind my own company I like me good for you we should all we should all aspire to that yeah okay our last little round here and then my final question my favorite question in the bowl will do it for you I didn't realize how strong I was until

1:50:51wow mm-hmm I didn't realize how strong I was until there's so much that's coming up for me until I made the decision to put some attention and some effort into my healthy living side of my life and my career. because Hollywood didn't know anything about that. And why would I ever do that? Why would I just keep reading scripts and keep waiting for a role? And why would I ever? But it's such a part of who I am that the more people started asking me for my help and the more people responded to my soul and my spirit, the more I gained confidence in stepping out and finding ways to share it. That's good.

1:51:47What is something that you've had to forgive yourself for?

1:51:55Oh, wow, these are good. You can put them in your bowl at your parties. Yeah, for sure. I've had to, say it again. Something that you've had to forgive yourself for. Yeah. I've had to forgive myself for not having a lot of friends. I'm a big people person. I have a lot of acquaintances. I know a lot of people. But I understand that my divine assignment, especially working with people in this space, it doesn't come with a lot of time and energy for frivolous. At the end of my day, I'm trying to refuel. I'm trying to refill. I'm trying to heal from what I've poured. And a lot of the cases I get now, I mean, it's not just life and career and relationship.

1:52:57Some of it is, like I told you, it's wrongful death. Some of it is kidnapping. Some of it is death of a child, surviving this stuff. So I can't hang up the phone at 7 o 'clock and then be like, you know, meet me for happy hour. And so that cuts down a lot of friendships and a lot of friend time. And that was hard for me. And so as I walk deeper into this place in my life, I've had to forgive myself for wanting those kind of friendships and realizing that it just doesn't come with the territory. And I'm okay with it now. You are? Yeah. Yeah. I still think. I still see girlfriends out at dinner.

1:53:33I'm like, oh, they look like they're having fun while I'm by myself at the bar. But I understand what's required of me. Your choices. Yeah, it's a calling. And there's certain things that just don't fit. And I'm okay with that. Are you proud of yourself? I am proud of myself. In that space, I'm also proud of myself.

1:53:57I'm getting choked up.

1:54:03I'm proud that I've taken stances that are not necessarily popular. I'm proud that I've walked paths that weren't necessarily what everybody else is doing. I'm proud that I hear God. And even if it's not the most popular thing to do, I still follow the divine. And I'm proud of that. I'll ask you what you ask your people. What are the tears for? It's not easy. And so the tears are me realizing it's not easy to do this. But I'm so honored that God's chosen me for the work. And so I know I'm pleasing him. And that's what this is. that I'm not following the popular road that's traveled. I'm following the divine road that's been assigned to me.

1:55:07Wow. That leads me perfectly into my last question, my favorite question in the bowl. If God were to text you right now, what would it say? Oh, if God were to text me right now, let me get my tissue here. I knew you were going to make me cry. I didn't make you cry you did I did it okay ask me again if God were to text me right now what would it say

1:55:43I love the way you hear me the pain is not in vain

1:55:53I'm proud of you and believe it or not as great as you've been doing and as amazing as you are there's so much more you can't even imagine with your human little self how much I have for you so don't give up, keep going woo! that's AJ Johnson in real life this is AJ Akua Johnson in real life Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez's IRL podcast.

1:56:54Endless debates. And Sprite didn't just put the lyrics on the cans. No, they went deeper than that. Bringing together hip-hop experts, tastemakers to help unpack the stories and impact behind every track. And I got to host it. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst. If your bookshelf and your For You page are equally important to your personality, welcome home. Pro Society is a weekly podcast that's part book club, part group chat for anyone who thinks Pride and Prejudice and Love Island deserve the same level of discourse.

1:57:30Each week, we're connecting the dots between books, the internet and pop culture with your favorite writers, book talk creators and plenty of overthought opinions. I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed. Listen to Pro Society on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:57:49Hey, this is Hayes Davenport and Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Each week we talk to someone in show business and try to help them with their careers and see what they have to offer us. Everyone has a good time and no one gets mad at their publicist for letting them do our show. We've had a lot of great guests like Sarah Sherman, Adam Scott, Danny McBride, Ben Stiller, and a lot of other big shots that wouldn't be where they are without us. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman.

1:58:23I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:58:52This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.