Angie Martinez IRL - Bozoma Saint John on Faith, Hustle Culture Lies & Trusting Your Inner Voice

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29:21Amazon Pharmacy presents Painful Thoughts. Of course I see my co-worker in line at the pharmacy can he tell i'm picking up prescription hemorrhoid cream i'm probably standing weird why is he smiling he knows he's gonna call me hemorrhoid lloyd tomorrow i know it i gotta quit my job next time avoid awkward conversations and get fast free delivery with amazon pharmacy health care just got less painful do a uh interview or he made a statement about how like he hustles so hard. He only gets four hours of sleep a night. And if you want to be successful, you can only sleep four hours because otherwise you're lazy.

30:04Paraphrasing. Yeah. And I heard that and I was like, damn, because I like some sleep. People don't think that, but I do. I sleep my full eight hours. You do. Absolutely. Good for you. And if I don't get it, I'm horrible. Okay. So I have to get it. And I heard that and I was like, damn, well, how am I going to do that? Because I'm not actually useful with just four hours of sleep. I tried. and this shit wasn't working. So I went back to my eight hours and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna have to figure out a way to make whatever other four hours I spent sleeping. Like I got a double time on something else just so I can prove the fact that like, yes, I'm working, I'm working hard.

30:38I got to double the time when I'm actually awake, you know? And so then I use that as my motivation to do more in my waking hours because I realized that, oh, there's other people out there who are four hours ahead of me because they're only sleeping four hours because they took Steve Harvey's advice. You see what I'm saying? Which would have been shit advice for you. Which would have been horrible. And by the way, I don't throw the man away. I don't discount his successes. He is incredibly successful. Like, what a shame it would be. And still plenty to learn from him. Plenty. I'm like, what a shame it would be if I just took that and said, ah, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

31:10His successes. Ah, the only reason he got it is because he's a man. Well. No, stop. You know, but I'm just saying that, like, I could say that and I would be wrong. Right. I'd be dead wrong. Yeah. And so my point is that like... But you'd be mad about the one thing. I'd be mad about the one. Okay? But that's my point. Is that like sometimes you take advice from people who've done it and you're like, ooh, I can apply that. And then sometimes you take it and you're just like, ooh, that actually doesn't fit me. But let me take the knowledge that's inside of there and apply it in a different way. So my thought was like, oh, shoot.

31:42There are people who are only sleeping four hours. They have four more hours in the day than I do. So how am I going to spend my 16 hours in a way that's going to be even more beneficial? So that just made me hustle more in the 16th versus being like, oh, I got to have 20 to work with. Yeah. You can't do it. Four hours of sleep is brutal. I don't know how people do it. No, it's ruthless. There's a whole army of people who decided we're going to sleep four hours. No, I've heard this too. God bless them. We also came, we also like, I don't know, I was raised in like hustle culture, right? Yeah. everybody and there was um i don't know there was admiration for that i took pride in how much how hard i hustled so much i didn't sleep and i did this and i did this for free at the beginning and i did this for this many years and then at one point at a certain point you get to it's like but there's almost so i've switched internally where i don't i still work hard yeah i still try to have you know whatever balance is for me paying attention to it yeah but also i feel like there's also um it's just culturally it's not what people want to hear right now yeah but guess what right but during those years when that was the way to do it if you told somebody you slept eight hours they'd be like you lazy ass idiot you know what i'm saying so now yes of course our health and wellness is at the top of conversations mental health is at the top of conversations thank god though that part when i started out you know and walking uphill both both ways there wasn't the conversation didn't exist and so yeah you couldn't have said like oh sleep eight hours a day and you'll still get to the top of the mountain nobody would have said that hey ladies if you have been struggling with dry hair breakage or just finding the right routine for your curls i have got the trick for you bask and lather offers nourishing hair balm for curly or kinky hair and that helps reduce hair breakage and adds the shine that you have been looking for.

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34:21That's 20 % off at baskandlatherco.com. Code IRL. I wonder if our way of dealing with mental health and wellness at the time was like just pouring into we were like workaholics. Yeah. So that was the vice of choice. Yeah. We were. It wasn't great, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's the way we dealt with it. And that's also how we respected people. You know, if like you worked like that and didn't have a breakdown, then you were the winner. yeah right you're the badass yeah but if you work like that and you had a breakdown people are like i see shoes week anyway get out of here you know and now we don't say that do you still work like that no i absolutely do not i work very hard but like i said i use my 16 hours very well okay just give me a little insight like to how that how you how you manage that how do you sleep eight hours every night yeah you're still very successful in many many different ways you're on boards of charities, your reality show, television shows.

35:23Yeah. Yeah. Engage with two weddings coming up. Yeah. It's like, I got a lot going on, but the thing is that like, I'm also very scheduled, very disciplined in my time. And so I don't get thrown off course very often because either I'm anticipating X, Y, and Z thing. Like I always tell my team, I'm like, Hey, look, the better planned we are, the more successful we are, you know, because of course there will be things that thrown into your day, your child gets sick or, you know, an appointment cancels or a deal doesn't come through the time that you thought it would. And then you're stuck because you got to readjust the calendar and readjust your priorities.

36:01But I feel like those are exceptions. And so the better planned I am, the better I'm able to get things done. So, yeah, I wake up at 530 in the morning. I have about an hour to myself where I'm praying and thinking and writing down things. I go to the gym at 7 a.m. till 8 every day every day six days a week six Sundays I take off I rest like God and then you do this every day without fail every day without like my hero yeah 7 a.m. I wish to have that type girl I'm out here I'm lifting heavy you know what I mean getting out frustrations running doing cardio all the things every day every day uh eight I'm at home my daughter goes to school at 8 30 so at least we have those 30 minutes to just make sure she's good for the day I get ready by 10 a.m.

36:49I'm in front of my camera or I'm in a meeting or whatever. I do my meetings till about five. Then it's time, you know, to get to the emails and the other things I got to do. I turn off at seven. Off. Off. What happens? You can't reach me after that. That's after seven. After seven o 'clock. You can't. Really? No matter what's going on? No matter what's going on. You can't reach me. Unless it's like some sort of like dire emergency. The world is burning down. But I've done that for so many years that people are trained. They know that like, you better get to me before 7 p.m., whatever time zone I'm on.

37:21After that, you can't reach me. And I'm asleep by 930. Even now with this new level of like career and public facing. Here's the thing. And again, this is why you've got to add the things in your life that won't allow for those breaks to happen. I don't take dinner meetings. Okay. I don't go to dinners. And so it's like, if you want to meet with me over a meal, it's going to be breakfast or lunch. Preferably lunch, because my mornings are busy. You know what I mean? And so that's how I, so it's like, look, if you, if we need to have, like, people are like, oh, let's go to, let's go grab a bite.

37:55Let's go have dinner. I'm like, yes, I'm available for lunch on the 24th. Wow. You know what I mean? And then that. So never dinner with the girls? I rarely do that. No. Why? If I didn't get with the girls, because it disrupts my sleeping time. Oh, got it. You know what I mean? because I've got to unwind from the day. And so at 7 o 'clock, I need to start unwinding. Otherwise, how am I going to be asleep by 9.30? What is the unwinding like? How do you do that? Wine. Wine. And TV. Wine and TV at 7. And social media. And, you know, maybe I'll probably make some phone calls. Hang out with your kid.

38:26Hang out with my kid. I'll make some phone calls with some friends. But, like, the girl time where you're, like, sitting and you're chatting and all that, that happens on Sundays, usually. Sundays. Yeah. It's like, you know, we're going to brunch or... Fascinating. Yeah. But I have to be disciplined that way because otherwise I won't get done all the things I need to get done and I have to focus. You could squeeze in a dinner at six now. No, because you're still in work mode because you only have till seven to work. Yeah. So I'm still in work mode. But the thing is that, like, I feel like at this point, again, sometimes there are exceptions.

38:59But how long have you been living like that? Oh, years. Really? Maybe a decade. Wow. Yeah. Probably a decade. Does it piss people off sometimes? What about like date nights and stuff? Oh, girl. So here's the thing. I really, I do like date night. But Sunday. Yeah, Sunday. And look, the thing is like, I am also a homebody. So I prefer that we do the date at home. And I know that probably sounds crazy, but it's like. Let's eat in. Yeah, let's eat in. Let's sit on the couch. You know, we can say whatever we want. We don't have the waiter come interrupt us. Like, you know, we stay comfy. So you are not out in these streets.

39:40I'm really not. No. And what's really crazy is that when I was working, especially in the entertainment business, as you well know, so many things happen in those late hours and early mornings. Right. Yeah. But I just didn't participate. Wow. You know, so it's like, again, you got to train people to where you are. And in the early part of my career, it was really tough because I wasn't the one controlling the time. You know, it's like if I wanted to go meet with the head of a label and they were like, come meet me for dinner at seven. Sometimes, you know, you just have to be like, all right, let me go do that.

40:15You know, but eventually I started getting, you know, the courage to say, I can't do seven. Could we have lunch? And you would not. But how many times people would be like, oh, OK, yeah, no problem. Because people are just they're saying it per their schedule. Yeah. But if you suggest a different time, sometimes they'll be like, OK, or I'd be like, can I catch you before your first meeting? Can I come have like coffee or like a breakfast or something like that? And people always will be like, sure, sure, sure. Isn't that interesting? And it reminds me of something else that I was going to talk to you about, because I think there's something really big that women miss.

40:48And successful women or women who have been successful, not just in business, successful in a relationship or finding a good partner. It's like setting the intention and setting your rules and kind of not bending them to me. Yes. Yes. There's something to that. You have a story in your book about meeting your husband for the first time. Oh, yeah. And he tried to ask you for a date and you were like, you want to go on a date with me? Go read this book. Yeah. My favorite book. Read it. And you're like, ha ha ha. Right. I'll never come back. They'll never come back. But in that moment, not only did he do it and then come back.

41:17Yeah. You kind of set the tone of what type of gesture you would expect for a man to be in your life. That is correct. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so even in that, or even the women coming in, not coming into your office asking for money. Yeah. They're not setting the expectation. They're not reaching the expectation. Intention of what they feel like they deserve. And it's not just in business. It's like in your personal, in your relationship. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, look, I don't remember who said it, but somebody was just like, you know, you got to teach people how to treat you. Yes. Like that works for everything.

41:51Yeah. It does work in business and it works in your personal life, too. So, yeah, I mean, I think for sure you have to let people meet you where you are. Don't come down to where they are. You know, so, yeah. So whether it's the business meeting that somebody's like, oh, let's go have dinner. And I'm like, no, I prefer lunch. And saying that even though I'm not the one in charge. Right. You know what I mean? And how many times they will disagree. And then there you go. Now you have your thing. And so it's like the business person, now they know that like, oh, Bo's only does lunch. And so they won't ask you to dinner.

42:23And that's okay because I want to be outside anyway. You know what I mean? Or, yes, telling my late husband that, like, look, I need you to go read this book if you want to have a conversation with me because I need to understand where you are psychologically and whether or not you're even smart enough to keep up with me. You know? And even now, my current fiancé, like, on our third date when he asked me out, I was like, oh, I'm going to be in Ghana. If you want to go on a date, you have to come there. And he got on a plane and came. You know what I mean? It's like, you got to put that there. And by the way, maybe they don't rise to the occasion.

42:57And you're like, nah, all right. Maybe I'll give them another chance. I'm not even saying there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying that, like, girl, you know, don't change your plans. Yeah. Or at least give yourself the opportunity to be operating and have everybody in your orbit operating at a level that you deserve. At a level that works for you. Yeah, it works for you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because otherwise, it's actually not going to work. And again, that is why I feel like I'm so efficient in my 16 hours because I'm operating solely based on like what works for me. Yeah. And yes, I will make exceptions when it's necessary.

43:30But believe me, they are exceptions. Yeah. It is not the rule. No, I believe you. Oh, yeah. No, I totally believe you. I totally believe you. So, you know, let's not go for drinks. I am deeply inspired by your discipline. Yeah. I yearn to have that. I have this one thing I'm working on myself on right now because. Yes. I know it's the difference for me. Yeah. I know getting up early, going to the gym, being disciplined about sleep. Yes. Sleep. Sleep is so good. I know it's really going to be a big difference. I just have it all the way shifted. Do you have an accountability partner? No. You need one?

44:04Yeah. You want to be it? Yeah. You have time for that? Girl, I will. I'll put it on my calendar. What does that look like? Check in with Angie. You know what I mean? What does that look like? Do you have one? Oh, what? My calendar? No, an accountability partner. Oh, yeah. Yeah. For me? like for my life oh yeah absolutely yeah what do they do a number of things like what is the role maybe this is my problem i've never had i've never hired exactly well okay so now the other trick is you got to have accountability partners that actually are going to do the thing that you want you know what i mean you can't just be one you can't just be the one for everything you know what i mean so people have certain like um they have talents in in certain areas right my accountability partner for the gym is my trainer oh well you pay him yeah but like but there are people who are able to get up and just go to the gym without somebody i can't do that no i need somebody who's going to yell at me or i know that like if i'm five minutes late they're going to be pissed and make me run an extra half mile yeah you know what i mean yeah so even though it's like yes i pay my trainer he is my accountability partner got it and that has to work yeah like it doesn't work any other way a trainer is what you're telling me you could do that but there are some people who like they don't feel like they need a trainer because they want to pay the extra money and they have discipline enough to get up and go to the gym and work out themselves and i'm like i don't have that and so i do need him as an accountability partner or one of my girlfriends she oh my gosh she's the she is wonderful at self-care you know she's the one who's like hey somebody we know or no i know i don't think you know her no no no but she's great at self-care like meaning that um she is going to you know do the the meditation meditation skincare the some massages that aren't just like, you know, like flighty, but it's like deep tissue.

45:49You know, she's the one who's going to call me on Sunday, you know, or maybe on Saturday and say, hey, look, you need it. Did you schedule like deep body work? Because you need that, that acupuncture. Did you get it done? You know what I mean? Because I need somebody like that, even though it's on my calendar, I'm going to need somebody to tell me that I've got to do it. You know, so there's just that's good. Different people. Are you that for anybody? Oh, yeah. A lot of people. Oh, yes. Yes. You know what? My big trick, my big talent is budgeting. I'm really, really good at that. Like money. I would imagine.

46:21Yeah. And so I have quite a few friends that I've made budgets for. And we share the sheet. Where have you been in my life? Because I need a budget and I need a wellness. Oh my God. I need a wellness accountability partner. It can be both. No, but for real. Like I will create the budget and you know, it's like, girl, you got to be honest though. I don't deal with it. You know what I mean? You got to tell me. It's like, hey, look. No, you don't want to say how much you spend on shopping, but you got to tell me. You don't want to tell me how much you spend on your liquor, but you got to tell me.

46:51And, you know, then I work it out. And then we share the sheet and I can see what you're doing. You're a really good friend to your friends, aren't you? I am. Yeah, I love my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Long time friends, too. I was going to say, you must have chosen well. Oh, my gosh. I have so many friends that I've known for decades, you know, that I still hold very, very close. That's amazing. It's such a, it's really such a blessing. But then they all fight because everybody thinks they're my best friend. And I'm like, but there's like 12 of you. Wait, so where are all 12? So you're going to do a wedding?

47:25Oh my God. Are you going to ask me that question about the bridesmaids? Yes. Is that what you're going to say? It is a current issue that I have. It's a current issue. It's a big problem. I was tapping in. I felt it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could feel it. It's a big problem. Because there's so many of them. They all want to be the. Are you kidding me? They have a group chat called The Actual Besties that they put me in because I get pissed off when I call somebody else a bestie. That's funny. Yeah. And so they all expect to be in the wedding party. And I'm like, mm. So wait, this is, first of all, your ability to not have, like, love trauma.

47:59Oh. I'm sure you have some. Oh. But it hasn't stifled you. It hasn't stopped you or paralyzed you. From trying it again. You mean like romantic love? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. It's terrible. I've had to have a lot of therapy. Yeah. A lot of therapy. So if you haven't read her book, which you guys should, she had a loss young in life at 21. A boyfriend who took his own life. Yeah. That's so sad. And your storytelling around that was, oh, it was, you know, I felt that. Yeah. But you, even through the loss of that moment, Ben, right? His name is Ben. Yeah, Ben. you still went and you still got married and then the marriage was you were separated so that wasn't working then if that wasn't enough then you lost your husband yes yeah and then you still yeah get back on the horse girl I know well some of it is being a deep romantic you know really I really do believe in love I love love but also a lot of therapy yeah but also is it scary Oh, it's very scary.

49:08It's very scary. Yeah. Because I'm like, anything could happen. Yeah. You know, it's like, I've said it a million times. I'll say it again now. I don't want to be in the front row of a church for a funeral ever again. I've talked to God about it quite a bit. You know, that I just don't want to be in that pew. And then, gosh, I can't even believe I'm talking about this out loud. But I do hear God very clearly. And his response to me was like, so do you want to die first? And I was like, well, no, I didn't say that. Like, you want to go now? No, I still got things to do. You know, but like, it just, it sucks.

49:51It is the worst. It is awful. And at the same time, I don't want to spend my life without love. Yeah, I get that. So you do it with the fear. You just do it with the fear. Do it with the fear. And hopefully some of the lessons. Yeah. You know, I know one thing for sure, given what I dealt with with my husband in our separation, that I won't make those mistakes again. You know, I won't take the relationship for granted, you know, that I will fight for it in ways I didn't fight for my first marriage. And that's what makes me feel like, OK, let me do it again. Let me get back on the horse. Let's see.

50:30But how does that show up? Because I'm sure you're not the only woman who's dealt with loss and grief. I mean, you know, people deal with that all the time. Widows who don't even know how to get back on the horse. Can't even imagine getting back on the horse. Or people who, like, are divorced and they were cheated on or betrayal in some other way. Like, how do you trust somebody again? Yeah. You know? And I actually do think that it's all seeded from the same place is trust. You know, because I have to trust that this man won't die on me. not because of his own doing but just trust in general right trust of god trust the universe trust of medical care and then there's some people who have to trust that this person won't cheat on you you know it's like look i've had a boyfriend who had a baby on me so there's that there's there's not a shit happens shit happens you know but the thing is that like i feel like All of that lack of trust is what then creates the bitterness and then draws up the walls.

51:32And so I have to also be very self-aware when I start to say things or behave in a way that is showing up because I don't trust you. So what do you say to a woman who's having a hard time getting back on the horse? Oh, God. First of all, get some therapy, okay? You need professional help. You know, we like to talk about healing and go heal, sis, and all that. and you think it's just a massage, it's not. It's deep-rooted work. Get a really great therapist. And by the way, it's not like it needs to cost a lot of money. Just get somebody who gets you and talk to them. It could even be your pastor.

52:06But just get some additional help so that you can work out the issues that you have. Because otherwise, there is no starting. There's no getting on the horse unless you truly have healed from the things or have the tools to be able to heal. Support for the show comes from Public, The investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi-asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto, and now generated assets, which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20 % year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work.

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53:14Output is for informational purposes only and is not an investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com slash disclosures. Are you trying to get weight loss support through telehealth, but it feels overwhelming and rushed? Check out orderlymeds.com now. Orderlymeds.com was built to be different. Here, you connect with real doctors who take the time to understand your goals, review your eligibility, and guide you through a plan that's right for you. Orderlymeds provides access to proven GLP-1 medications like semaglutide and terzepatide, including both name brand options and personalized compound versions when appropriate.

53:47So you have choices backed by clinical oversight, not guesswork. It's a simpler, more supportive telehealth experience designed around people who want clarity, care, and confidence in their weight loss journey. And your medication is delivered directly to your home in discreet packaging. So your experience stays private from start to finish. Do your research. Ask the right questions. Then visit orderlymeds.com slash podcast for an exclusive offer. Again, that's orderlymeds.com slash podcast. Individual results may vary. Not medical advice. Eligibility required. See site for details.

54:45premium based on 2024 average new policyholder data for accident and illness plans pets age 0 to 10 amazon health ai presents painful thoughts why did i search the internet for answers to my cold sore problem now i'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze i can clear my search history but i can never unsee that Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Health care just got less painful. And then, I mean, the other thing, it sounds easy to say, but it's like, you got to trust. That's the thing that I'm working on.

55:29How's that going? It's going better. It is going better. And that's why I can also move forward in joy. because otherwise I would be really terrified about the next steps in committing to somebody again in such a public way also. I know you're doing this publicly now. Yeah. All eyes. Opinions. Oh, everybody has an opinion. How do you manage? I hate that. You hate it? I hate it so much. That's so honest. Most people would be like, I don't care. I don't listen to people's opinion. Oh, I care. You read the comments, you read it. Oh, I'm responding. I mean you know that cat that's like that's me in the comments constantly because it gets on my nerves so much I'm literally like you don't know us you don't know him red flags whatever you know so I yeah I gotta respond but you don't let it in because you know sometimes you could read something a red flag and somebody puts a oh there's a red flag in this sometimes the outside can start to can see something oh no it can seep in to the inside yeah well you know how I deal with that is that I just talk about it I'm really honest about it yeah yeah yeah so actually funny enough I was talking to Keely about that last night somebody had commented something else it was like piss me off and I was gonna say blah blah blah blah and he was like please please don't he was like let it let it just be let it ride you don't know like we don't know what's going on in their life Let it just be, you know, because we know that's not true.

57:03And I'm like, oh, but still, they shouldn't say that kind of stuff. You know, and I just be pissed. But it does help to be able to talk about it. You know, I think for me, what works is not holding things inside. Yeah. You know, letting it stoop. And while you might think like, oh, let me not go to my partner with that. I'm inspired by that. Yeah, it's like, let me not go to my partner about that. Let me not go to my kid about that. Let me not go to my friend about that. It's like, no, no, no, I'm going to just go. I'm going to go to all of them. I'm going to go to all of them. About all that.

57:34You know what I'm going to do? Hey, so they said. And this is how I feel. Yeah, yeah. And this is how I feel about it. Yeah. I'm pissed about it because I don't think it's true. But like, what do you think about it? You know? And then let's talk it out. And then you get it out. And then I get it out. And then that way I'm not holding on to it either. That's so good. Yeah. I just definitely don't want to hold on to anything. You had that relationship with your daughter too as a mother. You mother that way as well. I'm a mother that way for sure. But that also came out of the grief of losing her dad.

58:00You know, like I, and again, I've been honest about this before. So now I'm saying anything out of turn, but I was not the one who wanted to start a family. You know, Peter wanted the family. Then I was just like, oh, and then you just die and leave me here? Like, you were supposed to be over here helping to raise this person. And she was four when he died. you know and so now I'm looking at this child and I'm like oh shoot like I've still got high ambitions you know I still I still want to achieve in my career but now I have the pressure of like oh god now people are looking at me because I'm supposed to be this mom who bakes cookies and takes it to the PTA meeting I don't even like cookies like that you know what I'm saying like and I don't and I don't like to watch the kids movies and I don't like Disneyland You probably sound like a horrible person.

58:52But that's how, like, my relationship with my daughter, I think, became so forged. You know, because I was honest with her about a lot of things at four. Which I know that people were like, oh, you know, you can't tell the kids all the truth. And I had a really, really great friend, Melissa Robinson, who was the one who said, you know, you should just tell Liel the truth. Like, always tell her the truth. and also respecting her enough to hear the things that she wants to do that are important to her and honoring that. Right? But also being like, hey, look, we got to have some balance here. You know what I mean?

59:28Because it's not like every day you say something and then mommy drops everything and then does that. Like it has to be really important. Like if you want me at this basketball game, let's put it on the calendar. Okay? And that was at four. That's how you're talking to your daughter at four. Yeah. I was like, you need me to come to this meeting or this play or recital or whatever. Let's put it down. What's the date? Show me where your coach or the teacher said. What's the date? Let's look at that and then let's put it. And so she would see that I was intentional with putting her important things on my calendar.

1:00:03And nothing would stop me from coming to the thing. But it wasn't every day. So yeah, I missed a lot of games. I missed a lot of recitals. Like I was traveling around ambitious, trying to get to the next level of my career. But if you ask her today, like, was your mom present? She'd be like, oh, yeah. Because I was there for all the stuff that she needed and that she wanted. And so for me, it's like we can have every kind of conversation now because we've had a decade of that. That's so good. Yeah. And you're super. She's what, 16? She's 16. Yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. How's she dealing with this newfound reality?

1:00:39Oh, my gosh. Well, I told you, I don't take anybody's opinions about what I do. Yeah. But lay else. You know? And so I wasn't necessarily asking her permission, but I was informing her to see how she would feel about it. And also saying, like, I'll give you a choice if you want to participate. You know, because I could say, like, hey, look, you can have me, but you can't have my kid. Yeah. You know, like, I'll talk about all this other stuff. But that is the, like, fourth rail. Yeah. So she was very excited, though, which surprised me because we are very different in personality. She's not a showman.

1:01:14You know, she's not the one who's like, you know, wants to be in the mix and in conversation. She's very thoughtful and quiet and will say the things that she says and mean it. You know what I mean? Sounds like she gets that from. So, but I've been, I've been shocked by how open she's been because we've had a lot of very serious conversations on the show. We talked about IVF, you know, we talked about obviously Keely and getting married again. And she's had some very, very deep thoughts that I was like, but the camera's still rolling. You know what I mean? And are you okay with that? Yeah. And, you know, just being like, hey, you okay with saying that out loud?

1:01:53And she's like, yes, I'm fine. Because you're her mother. you say that thing yeah so she's just taking it to another level she's saying the thing on camera she's saying all the things you know on camera but it's been very um that's great because i feel like we can have those serious conversations and the reason why it comes across authentically is because that's that's how we talk to each other normally you were low-key kind of built to do this i think it's such a great fit it kind of makes sense all right we have a couple segments we got to do i just gave me a little time check i feel like we just started.

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1:03:035G speed is not available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay$25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. Okay, IRL segments. Ready? We got a bowl. We got a voice note for you. We got things. It's segment time. Are we doing voice note first? This is our voice note. What's the voice note? It's usually a fan or listener of the pod. We write who's coming by and they send you a note. They send you a voice note. It's usually a question, a comment. Sometimes it's a, I don't know, a story or something or thank you. I don't know what this is.

1:03:39What do we got? Hi, Bose. My name is Steven and I would love some help here. My wife, she's an absolute beast at work. and I am always telling her to kind of put her her wins and her accomplishments out on social media but she like suffers from imposter syndrome she feels like not only does she not really belong but she also doesn't want to like brag in people's faces but also at the end of the day like I feel like she's missing out on a lot that what could be coming to her if she was louder about herself so if you have any advice on good words of encouragement or even more like strategical points here, that would be super helpful.

1:04:16Thank you. Yes. What a nice thought. First of all, Stephen. Come on now. Okay, now that's a good husband. That's a good man. The fact that his question is for his wife. For his wife. His girlfriend, wife, wife, right? We don't know if her name is Savannah, but Savannah. That's a good man, Savannah. No, for real. He's great. Yes. I thought he was being so thoughtful about what's good for you and your future. Yeah. Okay, now, here's the answer for Savannah. We're just going to call her Savannah You're so funny. The thing is, there's two very, very big points. First is about bragging, right? We very much misinterpret what is just your credits with bragging.

1:05:02Because you shouldn't talk about the stuff that you didn't do. And that's what we rail against when somebody's telling us about their accomplishments And it just seems so large because usually it's like, you didn't do all that. You know, we can tell. So it's like you're talking about the specific things that you did within the larger win. And that's what actually helps with your not only your credibility, but the brand so that people know that like, ah, Savannah did this. She's good at that. You know, it's like even for me, I'm not great at everything, but I'm exceptional at these few things. And that's what I take credit for.

1:05:38And that's what I talk about so that people know that like, oh, if you want Bose to do X, Y and Z, she could do that. Nobody's going to call me to be the data queen. I'm not that person. You know, you want me to talk to you about why Tupac is important? Fantastic. I got you. You know, you want me to tell you why the NFL is important to this moment in time in sports? I will tell you that. You know, like I understand pop culture and can tell you all the things you need to do. And by the way, I backed it up with experiences and with programs that I've created. And so that's what Savannah needs to do.

1:06:10It's like you're just talking about the things that you're good at. And so talking about it publicly just takes it to the next level because you're actually talking about the specific role that you played in X, Y and Z thing. And that is important to do. Next, the imposter syndrome thing, that really gets on my nerves. Because I have used this example before about physics, right? That matter is anything. It can be liquid. It can be something solid. But matter is made up of molecules. And each molecule is really important. And so you take a molecule out of a matter and the matter changes. You add a molecule into the matter and the matter changes.

1:06:50That is physics. It's science. you are the molecule inside every matter. So whether that is a company, it's the school, it's your softball team, you are the molecule. And so why would you not consider that you are important in the room? You leave that room and it changes because you're not in there. And so therefore, all of the experiences you have, all of the history, the knowledge, etc. is important to change in the room. Why else are you there? And something brought you there. And then let's go to the math of it all, right? If you go back 12 generations, that's like 12 ,000 people that it took to create you individual to be in this room.

1:07:31How dare you not? How dare you? Walk in there with the 4 ,000. They're really important. And they contributed to you being in the room. So sis, Savannah girl, listen. Girl. You are the molecule and you change the matter every room that you're in. So don't have imposter syndrome. You belong in the room. Those 4 ,000 people work so you could be there. So act like it. Live out loud, right? Hell yeah. Good job, Steven. Yay, Steven. Hey, guys. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference?

1:08:12Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. All right. Now, this is our IRL Bowl. OK. In real life bowl. OK. Filled with questions. OK. and I just pick one? Yeah.

1:08:47What is your biggest challenge in this life? Oh my goodness. What is the biggest challenge in this life? For you. Everybody's is different, I think. Everybody's walk is different. You know, what is the biggest challenge? What is your biggest challenge? My biggest challenge. What is my biggest challenge? That's a very, very hard question. It is. Let me think what mine is. Whenever somebody can't, whenever a hard question, I'm like, shit, could I answer that if it was in the bowl? because the thing is that like look i i don't have a problem with time because i really enjoy my time and i'm not scared of like how much time i have really no like i used to be scared a lot of like death and you know as i said i told god i don't want to go anytime soon but the way that i combat that is that i want every day to be really really large you know not that like i'm climbing Everest or anything like that, but meaning that like I'm doing exactly what I want to do every day.

1:09:49Urgently. Urgently. You know, like nobody's going to stop me from doing the thing I want to do. And in that way, I feel like I will come to the end of my life, regardless of when it is. And people will be like, God damn, that girl lived. You know, they're going to be like, she had a big life because I lived it exactly how I wanted to. I'm not putting anything off. I'm not like, oh retirement and then I'll do x y and z thing I'm gonna do right now because I don't know if I'm gonna get there so why not do it so it's not like a a fear of death it's a motivator for me so I don't know I don't know about the challenge one it's a hard that was a great question I mean that was a great answer it doesn't have to be there's no okay there's no rules oh fantastic because I don't like rules no way there's no rules you talked about your connection to God and hearing his voice yeah what what does that sound like and what do you ask for most what do you pray for most actually i pray for discernment all of the time i just want to know like give me the vibes you know whether it's people or an opportunity or whatever even over email give me the vibes like lord just let me know this person's not for you and i don't care if the person was introduced me to me by oprah yeah i'm like i don't want that person i don't like them the vibes is not right yeah you know so is that how your prayer goes like you say give me the vibes.

1:11:08You don't say those words. Oh no, I do. Oh my God. Me and God are homies, man. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Dear God, give me the vibes. Oh yeah, yeah, no. And that's the other thing. I don't know why people don't talk to God just normal. I know, why do you have to like do a thing? Why do you have to do all the things? Well, it's to do with worship, I think. Mm-mm, mm-mm. No. It's to do with worship. No, God knows us. You can talk normal. Yeah, I talk normal. And I also get upset when something doesn't happen the way I want it. I think I always close my eyes. Oh, do you? Yeah, you don't? Not really.

1:11:36Eyes open. Yeah. I'm talking. You know, I mean, it probably, like if you had a camera there, it probably looked nuts. But you know, but I'm usually talking. Like that's what I'm doing in that hour in the morning. I'm talking. I'm talking. I'm writing things down. I'm like, oh God, you know what? I forgot to ask you. Could you get this person out of my life? Like, no, I do that all the time. Or like, you know, we'll be in the car on the way here. I'd be like, oh God. You know, I forgot to say that I need more money for this wedding. So can I have another brand deal? Because I need one that's going to pay for this thing.

1:12:12And you're just eyes open, whoever's in the room. Talking in front of people. Oh, yeah, yeah. I don't. Because people just think that I'm saying, like, oh, God. Like, you would say, oh, God. But I'm actually being legit. You're actually talking to him. I'm actually talking to God. Yeah, yeah. Because God is always around. People think you're being, like, not literal. Yeah, no, but I'm being literal. I'm actually talking to God in that moment. Do you talk to him all the time? All of the time. All day? All day. Wow. Yeah, all day. Maybe that's good because if you have a routine, listen, nobody's way is wrong.

1:12:43Yeah. But if you have a thing where you have to remove yourself, get quiet, whether it's your knees or however you pray. But then you're limited in time. Yeah, exactly. If you're talking all the time, then you don't feel limited. But I do think it's important for me as a first thing in the morning, that first upon waking, that I am in some sort of communication with God. That's really, really important to me. And a lot of times, I mean, I don't know if this happens to you, but like I wake up with things on my mind, you know? And so then I know immediately I got to go to God, you know, because whatever is on my mind, like if it's fear or there's some trepidation or like some big hope, I'm like, oh, God, you got to make this work.

1:13:25You know, and then I'll follow up with like, but only if you want it to, though, because I don't know what else you got. Only if it's your will. OK, yes, because I might be wanting this thing, but if I shouldn't have it, don't let me have it. I don't want it. OK, I'm not asking you. Just give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me because of the best thing. We even pray similar. That's so funny. Harvey, you do that too. I really want this. But only if you want it for me. Because I don't want it if you don't want it. No, no, no. I don't want it. Like, if it's going to mess me up, don't give it to me.

1:13:51And even if I don't understand it, I trust you. That's right. I trust you. Oh, that part too. Yeah. You got to have trust. Yeah, yeah. God's got your back. For sure. Yeah. That's so good. All right. I have some IRLs for you. Okay. What do you want people to learn about you in real life? To learn one thing from your life. That I really don't take myself that seriously. Really? Yeah. Like, I really love the fun. I love the fun in life. If you were the leader of the world, the whole world. Yes. What would be the first thing that you would do? Redraw the maps. This is the first matter of business.

1:14:28Yeah. You've thought this through before. Yeah, I have. What does it look like? I think it just does it such a disservice. The maps make us feel like we are beholden to a certain group of people, and then it keeps out other people. That's why I feel like the problems with racism and immigration and all these things stem from maps that were drawn by white men in a room together. Get rid of all the maps. I'm redrawing them. So what would your world look like? Oh, gosh. Well, probably. Yeah, I'm just circling by language or something like that. You know what I mean? Like interest types. everybody who loves the color red over there if you love greens over there now I'd redraw the maps that's pretty good it's a good rule of business what should people care less about well I mean this is gonna sound so silly but they should care less about other people's opinions like that that affect their life you know don't make the decision based on what your mom thinks yeah or your best friend even yeah yeah listening to that little voice like you say they have no idea what's right for you.

1:15:33They're talking usually out of their fear for your life. In real life, last piece of great advice someone has given you. Last piece of great advice. Oof, that's hard because I really don't take people's advice.

1:15:50Okay, that's good. That's your answer. That's your answer. Yeah. All right. Love in real life. Oh, yes. What is something you absolutely need and require in a partner? Oh, I need affection. Like physical touch. You know, I need you to squeeze me, slap my butt as I walk by, that kind of thing. If you had a rule book about love, what would be like in bold? Like what is your rule? One of your rules. Talk to me nice.

1:16:24Okay. That's what I'm saying. Like, right? Words lead to action. yeah it sounds to be nice okay love and friendships what's the bet because you have so many best friends oh my god don't don't get me in trouble now no you don't have to ask me you don't have to name your favorite you don't have to name your favorite but what is what is a quality that is necessary to have a good friend to be a good friend i think um presence like you know being present and doesn't need to be like in person but like the check-in the you know it's Like, if you see something about me online, you need to call me and be like, girl, you want me to go beat them up?

1:17:00Yes, bitch. Go over there. You know what I mean? Be present in my life. In real life, how important is money to you? Very important. Yeah. I mean, people say it's like, you know, money can't buy you happiness. Really? I beg to differ. Give me the money, baby. Yeah, no. What are you talking about? That's so funny. But you were always kind of happy, no? Yeah, but money made me happier. It did, okay. Did I get to go wherever I want, do what I want? Yeah, money's good. You're into it. Yeah, very much. Give me more, matter of fact. What is a habit that you are proud of? Oh, my discipline. What is a habit that you're trying to break?

1:17:44Ooh, some of my spontaneity. Really? Yeah. Why? Yeah, well, because, you know what? Okay, so this is a longer story, but I'll cut it short, which is that my dad is notoriously spontaneous. And it's spontaneous in a big way. Meaning like he would see another job he wanted and then move us across continents, that kind of thing. Or go buy something that was expensive that we couldn't afford, to make my mom very upset and put all of the rest of us in challenges. I hated that behavior. But sometimes I find that in myself, that if I really fixate on something and then I'm like, by any means I'm going to go do that thing.

1:18:22Sometimes it's worked out. Sometimes it hasn't. It's probably pushed you though. It has. It has. So that's why you know I'm like sometimes I'm like alright let me just make sure it's countered with good sense. Yeah. And what is left like what is the I don't know what is left for you to what mountain are you trying to climb right now? You know I don't make plans. I don't make like one year plans five year plans. I don't make any of those. No no no. Because I just feel like the world is my oyster and like big things are coming i just feel so limited if i was like oh you know what this is what i want to do in the next 10 years why like no plan zero plans no i don't have a plan for this year or like people make resolutions and the things they want to do i don't really have that because i just feel like fascinating the world is the opportunities are out there and they're just going to be mine so come on bring it oh there's my favorite question look and it's poking right out.

1:19:16Oh, is it? Before you leave, this is my favorite question. It is my favorite question. Okay, what is it? So we'll go out with this. Okay. Before we go out with this, was there anything on your heart today or anything that you... No, I just was so happy to be here. Me too. I had so much fun with you. I was so glad to come. I could, we could do a, like if we did a podcast together, I feel like we would have something to talk about every single day. Every day. Every single day. Every day we would have something to talk about, okay? People would be sick of us both. Sick of us. Oh my God. He's so sick of us.

1:19:44Anyway, I would love for you to come back. I would love to. I would love to. We have a lot to talk about. Okay, here's your question. You're fine. You want me to read it or you read it? Yeah, I'll read it. No, you read it. Okay. Last question. Oh, if God were to text you right now, what would God say? Oh, what would God say? Take your time with it, Boz. Take your time. If God were to text me right now, hmm. Let it come. I think God would say it's going to be all right. It's going to be all right. Yeah. Simple. Yeah. Like in that half faith type, you know, because I'm often talking about things that I know if I just had faith, it'd be all right.

1:20:27And so I think God would be like, it'll be all right. Chill out. Chill out, Moses. Okay. You would throw a chill out in there? Absolutely. God would tell me to chill out. Like, relax, Bose. Relax. So it's going to be all right. I think that's what God would text me. I'm going to remember that. That's a good one. I love that for you. You're amazing. Thank you. Yes, to Bose in real life.

1:20:57Hi, this is Bose in real life. Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez's IRL podcast.

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