Angie Martinez IRL - Gabrielle Union: You Never Know What Your Friends Are Going Through

31:33I learned so much from that. Somebody was just asking me the other day about like, they always ask, what's your favorite? Anyway, I'm like, I can't say. It's really hard. It's just, we're all just trying, man. We're all just like, I'm trying to do a show. She's trying to survive her situation. And she's learned so much along the way. And to me, like, that's all we could do is show up with what we have to offer on that day, share our experiences in a way that we hope hope lands in a positive way for someone else and I mean well none of us should be having to suffer in silence or feel like you're suffering alone like no one could possibly understand this um it's like it helps to talk about it you know whether it's like sparked from a podcast it's like I think I need help with this how do you move through the world how do you get up every day what does joy look like to you what does justice look like to you?

32:23Like how do you have tools? You know what I mean? And it's crazy because we have to learn those and ask those questions for ourselves. But then you take you, for instance, or any of us who are moms. Now you also have to do it as a parent.

32:40And you as a mother, I think is an interesting topic because no, you're really a lovely mother. Like you worked so hard to be a mother and you're like this amazing mother, not only to Kavya, but to all of your kids, your bonus children. I don't know what you call them. Do you call them stepkids? Just your kids? The kids. Just the kids, yeah. But I mean, you worked to be a mother. It wasn't just the easy, for some women it's too easy. It's like when you get pregnant, somebody flirts with them and they're pregnant. Like you really worked for that and struggled. And you do it in such a meaningful, intentional kind of way.

33:16Just watching you with Kav. And I just wondered what it's changed for you, what you've learned about yourself as becoming a mom. Well, you know, they watch every single thing. Yeah. Right. Like Kav said the other day, why do you wear wigs all the time? I was like, well, mommy goes to work and I have to be different characters. And sometimes I wear wigs to try it out before I commit to the look. She was like, oh. You know. That's it. But in her mind, why wasn't I happy with how I looked? when I preach that to her. You know what I mean? I'm like, I love your curls. Oh my gosh, your hair is so beautiful.

33:53And she was like, yeah, I think your hair is beautiful too. How come you got a wig on? You know what I mean? She gonna check you. She don't check me, boo. And like there was one day, it was me, her and Dee driving the car. And I was like, oh, can you wear your hair like half up, half down? Like that's like one of my favorite looks. And she was like, I don't really want to do that. And I was like, oh, come on. She was like, I thought it was my hair. And Dee goes, oh. But I'm teaching her how to advocate for herself and have agency over her own body. And, you know, it's her hair. Who cares? It's not like, you know.

34:26But that figuring out, like, when do you, like, force your will on your child? And when do you offer options? Just trying to find those balances. And also, you know, she's very much a leader at home. But at school, she can follow the crowd. and helping her find her voice. I'm like, you know you don't have to do that just because your friend told you to. I want her to play with me at recess. I was like, ooh, it starts early. Do this so we can be friends. Do that so I can love you. Do this. And it's like, it seems like, oh, it's harmless. But it's a pattern where you start just being people-pleasing, shape-shifting to fit in and shape-shifting and doing whatever people-pleasing to get the invite, to have access.

35:19And it's like, oof. Once you start, it's hard to stop. She's so great, though. She's awesome. Do you ever worry about her? Because I look at, like, the famous kids, Blue Ivy and North, and I see the way people talk to these children. Children. So many people have opinions about children. So many opinions. Do you worry about that for you? Even Ziya, because she's been such a, like, she's a poster child somewhat at this point like do you have a i don't know concerns or regrets of being having them so public or zaya that was her choice she she did not like people dead naming her and we were like we can correct people but it kind of opens up a whole other can of worms and she was like i want them to use my name and we were like okay well these are this is how we could do this but it's it's really going to open up a whole can of worms like you can't you know put back put it back and she was very determined yeah and so that sort of opened the door for her speaking out and and being very clear about her identity and her confidence and comfort in it and we support her being her full true self yeah um we would have probably been more comfort comfortable where you know she waited a couple years but it's years of her parents doing a ton of interviews where they're speaking of her with a name that she does not recognize and so i respect it i absolutely respect it and every kid is different like every child is different and, you know, it is what it is.

37:02And you rally, you know what I mean? You offer support. Like Kav, because I had talked so much about my infertility and we were so overjoyed and so many people, like strangers, wanted me to be pregnant so badly. And I was like, and, you know, I remember there we were on our way to some event in New York and I was, you know, I think I was in the middle of an IVF cycle And I looked two months pregnant, like second trimester pregnant. And people like the page six was like, she's pregnant. And people were so happy. And it led to a miscarriage. You know, it didn't lead to obviously didn't lead to a live birth.

37:43And so when she was finally born and home, I was like, I want to share with people that, you know, keep hope alive. And here's our here's our beautiful baby. And this is the route I had to go. And these are the reasons. And then she just had such funny faces. I know. She's such a good personality. You know, and now it's she does it on her own. And it's like, we're like, Kavi, you want to post this? No. Okay. And it's less than what it was, obviously, when she was little. And it's really her choice. And usually she chooses, like, she doesn't want to. No. We respect it. Yeah. Keep it pushing. Hey, guys.

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39:32Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In Arizona, Colorado, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Ohio, Tennessee, or Virginia. All right. What about marriage? What have you learned about marriage? That you don't know shit about marriage. Is that true even now? How many years are you? You're plus 10, right? 11. But it's like marriage is this living, breathing thing that you have to feed and nurture. And you don't always have the time to be great at it. And on those days as you're trying to take shortcuts are probably the days you were supposed to suck it up and offer more grace and offer more kindness or companionship.

40:14um and like when people are like oh marriage goals other than us being honest about our marriage you got to figure out what works for your marriage and each one is very unique like i don't know anybody who has a marriage like ours and it's not because we're you know whatever it's like we i don't know what that was like you know whatever people like whatever people like to think about it But like we're very we're our schedules where we miss each other a lot and we miss each other a lot. So like our time together is like literally legs like all intertwined. Like we are physically touching all the time, you know, joined at the hip.

40:56And then I'm in Rome for three weeks and, you know, whatever. So our level of communication had to improve. You know what I mean? And we try not to hang out with other couples who don't like each other. Oh, that's good. You know what I mean? Because that shit is contagious. Yeah. You know what I mean? You get, you know, previously there might be circles where they're like, ugh, this bitch. It's like this nigga right here. Like, ugh. And then you kind of fall in because that's how you guys are communicating as friends. Like you're complaining as communication. And then you go home and you're like, ugh.

41:31You know what I mean? Because that's just what you were with. That's good. You know, when we talk about vacations, you know, we've all vacationed together. But you've got to have other couples who are at least on the same page. It's obviously your relationship is going to be different. But I need you to like this motherfucker. Like, don't come on vacation and you want to complain. You know what I mean? Shit. Like, I like this man. That is contagious. Yeah. Like, so surrounding yourself with couples. You actually like your husband, right? I like him a lot. Like, he's literally my favorite person.

41:59Oh, my God. That's so cute. Like we talk all day long, but it's like half the time we talk in memes and GIFs. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's how it has to start, though. It starts with that, right? Yeah. Like we were in Japan for two weeks and just having like adventures. Just the two of you? Just the two of us. Having the time of our lives. I mean, granted, we ran into Michael B. Jordan and SteeLo, but. Oh, not bad. Yeah. Hung out with them for New Year's. But like we had our own adventure. It was great. You think that's a big key to getting it right? It's just picking somebody that you get along with.

42:32You know, if you get into an argument with your friend, if you really, really like them, you get over it. You figure out how to communicate through the tough spots. Because half of our arguments, I'll be so pissed, but then I want to tell them something or I got a joke. I'm like, okay, we have to make up just so I can get this joke off. But I don't know. That's so cute. We have figured it out for us. And he adores you the same way that you adore him. Like when I look up and he's looking at me and it's like. That's so cute. It's kind of like the best because it's like the person I want whose eyes I want on me.

43:13Yeah. You know what I mean? That's pretty great. I like him. Look at him. He was going to miss the premiere because, you know, his coaches, his college coaches being honored at Marquette. And, you know, he was supposed to be there. For the goat? Yeah, he's going to miss the GOP premiere. And he's in it, like, you know. And then he's like, I'll be there. And I was like, ah! Wait, he's in it too? Yeah, he's a voice. He's the voice. He's a voice. I mean, there's a lot of voices. There's a lot of voices. Who are the other voices besides? I mean, Steph is a voice. He's the giraffe. Caleb McLaughlin.

43:47He's from Stranger Things. He's the main voice. Aaron Pierre, Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Lewis, Nick Kroll. That's a lot of people. Yeah, it's a stacked cast. What a cute little concept, though, the goat. I think it's just so relatable. Yeah. And it's like this little goat who, you know. Believes. Believes. And the goat is like, the goat, the movie, is based on, loosely based on Steph's, you know, career. Because when I first met Steph, he was just, it was his rookie year. And him and Aisha were, you know, joined at the hip. I mean, they're the same. They have been connected the same. I was going to say, that's probably a good couple for you guys to hang out with.

44:24Yeah, and we have, randomly. They seem like they really like each other. They very much like each other. And they're very much in alignment. You know what I mean? So it's interesting to listen to the commentary because you're like, clearly you've never been around them. Ain't nobody loved Steph more than Aisha. Ain't nobody love Aisha more than Steph. He's such a good egg. And he does a great job. He does a really great job as a voice actor. All right. So we have a couple of IRL questions for you and IRL Bowl so we can get into your real life philosophies. But first, we have a voice note. This is our boost mobile voice note where someone comes in, leaves you a voice message or a question.

44:58OK, I don't really know what it is. We have to listen to it first. Hey, Gav, it's Shy. Girl, how do you protect your boundaries? See, I'm a thug, but I'm a nice one and I forgive way too much. So I want to know how are you forgiving, but still making sure that people don't cross you because it never gave doormat for real for real. It never gave doormat. I feel like we talked about this a little bit in Miami a couple weeks ago. I had to learn that when it comes to access, opportunities, money, that people will always be cheering for you. But if their access, money, whatever is threatened, that they can turn on you.

45:52And when you watch people that you thought you could trust, like, show what really matters and it's not you, it's devastating. And you realize, like, I had no boundaries. Because, like, you know me. Like, if we ride, like, we are riding till the wheels fell off. Like, I will go to battle. Like, that's just how I move with my friends. If we're close enough where, like, I'll physically fight somebody for you, then it is what it is. There are no boundaries. you know what I mean but I've had to figure out how to love you from across the street like but also part of having boundaries is if you're in my life and you know people make mistakes things happen and you can't own your shit you have no place in my life I cannot do no accountability I can't I don't and I don't need like a whole operation I just oh my bad you know what my bad sorry apologies sorry and it's like it's really hard for some people by the way it's like impossible we had this conversation on set the other day and i'm like and it's a scene these are fake people these people do not exist and like the guys were like no he apologized i said no the apology was and for that i apologize he was wrong for the whole thing why do you why you guys don't hear like the i apologize for that when the issue is the whole thing was wrong Why do you have to qualify your apology?

47:20Why can't you just admit to being wrong? Why can't this character admit that he lied? Well, he didn't lie. I'm like, well, he didn't tell the truth when asked. What do you call that? And the omission of the truth is, it's a fallacy. It's a lie. Same shit. Why does, like, what, these are fake characters. Why won't you guys, like, what is the issue? And I'm like, what do you think happens inside when you just own your shit? And then we got on this conversation and it dawned on me when people refuse to be accountable, especially when they want to gaslight you, they want to control you. They want to control your movements.

47:58They want to control your body. They want to control your reactions and they want to control how you ultimately see them. And that's so devious. It's so manipulative and it's dark. And I'm just too old to be dealing with this. And it's not uncommon. Oh, it's super common. Yeah. And you let it slide because that's not a big deal. But then it starts to add up and it's like, you just never want to own your shit. I can't be around you because I can't trust you. You'll lie about I saw you at Burger King. You know, like I went to McDonald's. What what is wrong with you? Now you're like, that's so like I don't want you around.

48:38So honest and accountability is about is is is the barest of minimums. Yeah. And then also, everybody doesn't need to be everywhere. Everyone doesn't need free access to every part of your life, especially people who cannot be trusted with your truth. and if everything that happens to me has to be somehow quantified for you in terms of money, in terms of opportunity, in terms of access, that's not a friend. I feel like it's constantly, everything is transactional. It's a burden. It sounds like a burden. Yeah. And so I've had to learn how to create boundaries and understand what it is and want to understand what it isn't and i was trying to make fetch happen with a lot of a lot of people i was talking about that the other day about because you put people in boxes yeah and it's okay and some friends are like your friends that you have for play dates or there's friends that you have that are just a good time yeah like great let's go to the bar let's have a drink i think where people fuck up is that you try to take a friend that's there for a good time and you try to make them your person or you try you you miscategorize people in your life and so it's important to kind of know where they're there and know what their their role is in your life i think is also an important thing with boundaries you learn the second you say no who is really there for what people's reaction to no like just a no if they lose their shit who that i mean that i I don't know what other kind of sign you need.

50:19They reveal themselves. But also, like, I don't say yes to everything. I used to feel like I have to be everywhere and do everything. And I got to be everything for everyone. And it left nothing for me. So just learning through trial and error. It's life. You're never going to get it right. But just understanding that, like, you don't have to say yes to everything. You don't have to be everyone's everything because you will end up at a deficit. Hey guys, support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference?

50:55Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. Okay, in real life, let's do bowl. This is our IRL bowl of questions. In real life, Gabrielle Union. Let's see what you get.

51:30And our IRL bowl is brought to you by Walden University. Hmm. Is it good or no? Well, there's the real answer. And then the one I would say. I would like the real one. I cannot. Okay. What is the question? because you know the answer. Hey, it's us, the Jonas Brothers, and guess what? We have some big news. What's the news, Nick? Huge news. We created our own podcast called Hey Jonas. We invented a podcast? Well, we didn't invent it. We just contributed to it. We're the first people to do podcasts. Yeah, pretty wide range of podcasts. We're starting a trend. But this one's extra special. So how did we actually come up with the name Hey Jonas, guys?

52:08I honestly don't remember. I think it was on a call about what we should call it. And we were thinking I'm originally calling it one of the early names of our band before Jonas Brothers. This is how you guys remember it going down? Yes. I have a very different memory of this. We were talking about a thing, a bit for the podcast where people could call in and say, hey, Jonas. And then I wrote down on my little notepad, hey, Jonas, and offered it up as a potential title for the podcast. But thanks for remembering that, guys. Listen to Hey Jonas on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

52:43Just listen. We don't care where you hear it.

53:07are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can have opinions. You can have like a strong stance. And then there's your body having its own program. I'm Dr. Maya Shunker, a cognitive scientist and host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans, a show about who we are and who we become when life makes other plans. We share stories and scientific insights to help us all better navigate these periods of turbulence and transformation. There is one finding that is consistent, and that is that our resilience rests on our relationships.

53:51I wish that I hadn't resisted for so long the need to change. We have to be willing to live with a kind of uncertainty that none of us likes. Listen to A Slight Change of Plans on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

54:13Keith Giamanca seemed like a mild-mannered suburban dad. But secretly, he became someone else. A master of disguise who went on a crime spree. At the time, did it seem like a crazy idea? It seemed very crazy. but I felt so desperate that I felt it was the quickest easiest way out. Did you allow yourself to think about how it could go wrong and what that might look like? No I didn't want to manifest that. I was trying to manifest success. Every family has its secrets but what happens when you discover that your dad has been living a double life? That is not the look of an innocent man. This is going to change my life and my family dynamic forever because everything that had existed prior in my reality is now untrue.

55:08Listen to Deep Cover, The Family Man on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

55:20what do you do to decompress after a long day um the answer i will share is that i like to sit or lay in silence like i just need 15 minutes of no sound do you really do this every day yeah yeah usually it's after kov goes to bed so it's like she goes to bed at 7 30 we increased did an hour um so once she goes to bed it's i feel like i've i've lost the war and i just get in my bed and i lay there in silence and d respects it oh it's like a known thing in the house yeah like i just need a minute to just yeah yeah and for me silence is so golden i can hear my own thoughts it just gives me a chance to just calm down i must try and then i step out on the balcony Dot, dot, dot.

56:11And do whatever else you need to do for yourself. All right, take one more. Let's do one more while we pick. Pick a good one. If you could instantly master a skill, what would it be? Listen, if I could sing. Look how you just lit up. Like, sang. Oh, sing. Like, I, like, practiced for, like, eight months to sing this one song for our anniversary. And it was the hardest. I mean, the respect I have for singers. Wait, what did you sing again? Shania Twain. Oh, that's right. And because it was it's a joke. Like it was one of the first, you know, when you meet somebody. Tell this story for somebody who doesn't know.

56:51I did not take him seriously. You know what I mean? Like I was doing the most and I just didn't take him seriously. So I kind of tortured him initially. I made him listen to the Jersey Boys soundtrack like on repeat. I was playing like country music hits. so one of the first songs I played for him when we met was like Shania Twain, You're Still the One. And then it just became this reoccurring joke. Like I rap a movie, he hires like a choir and a band to sing You're Still the One and Give Me Flowers like before I head to the airport to come back home. Like it's just like a thing that we did. That's so cute.

57:26And yeah. And so I practiced with a vocal coach and then got in the studio and laid the track with like a full band. And And I wanted to do, you know, do it special. But it's really hard. And that's not a skill I have. It's not a skill. I would never shut up. I'd be like, Angie. That's why you can't sing. That's why God didn't give me that gift. I would be the same way. Oh, I'd be obnoxious. That's funny because Valentine's Day is coming up. You guys are big. Like, you're festive. You do events. Like, what is Valentine's Day? What is the key to romance in your house to you? Valentine's Day got co-opted and it's been co-opted our whole relationship because it falls over All-Star Weekend.

58:07But he like he does Valentine's Day throughout the year. So he'll send me flowers just because or he'll write me a poem or he'll just send the most beautiful letter. You're like, who are you? Like, who are you right now? Like, for real. And it works. It works, honey. It works. It works. And what about you? What is your love language? Like, how do you show romance? Oh, I mean, his thing is physical touch. So easy. Cut to it. That's romantic, right? He's like, great. I love your I love your version of romance. So whatever clearly is happy. OK, on a scale of one to 10, how happy are you, Gab? Oh, today I'm a 10.

58:53Really? I love that. Yeah. And average, what would you say? Now, in the last few months, like eight. Like I average like a solid eight. Since learning how to be peaceful? Since learning, like since teaching my body not to stay in a state of terror. Okay. Like I find the joy in everything. You know, like there's generally speaking, I get anxious before I do press runs because I'm honest. And I'm going to say something that's going to go viral. And then I got to deal with that. And if you ask, I'm generally speaking, tell the truth, except what I really do to decompress. and you just have to deal with your truth being out there and however people are gonna you know tweak it um and he goes just have fun he's like it's fun this is this is what we dreamt of have fun who said that d oh and i was like so this morning it's like 5 a.m i'm like i'm up i'm didn't sleep but i'm gonna have fun yeah and it's been fun and knowing that it was ending the day was going to end with you.

59:53In real life, what should people care about less? Oh, what other people think of them? Yeah, yeah. Because you will, I've seen so many people create a small life for themselves just so people don't have something to say. And you watch dreams that you know they have, they never even try because of the noise and because of this, because of that and they just their lives end up small i think that's probably way more common it's very common yeah or you do the safe thing but not the thing you're passionate about um and you just kind of give up and for what and for what somebody don't take advice from people who've never done what you've done yeah which is why you know i'm very glad stephanie should never took my advice because i was putting my bullshit onto them you know what i mean i was putting my fears about marriage this is before they were married wait what was it i don't know this one day i'll tell you this full story but i offered some stupid advice kind of like publicly no we were at a party oh and i was like let me tell you how it's coming yeah because of course i've been drinking and luckily they were like okay that's thanks gab and then didn't take my advice and they're they're happy and successful and they did they did their you know their family route their way at their pace what worked for them but had he listened to me or she had listened to me like they wouldn't be the courage that we know and i needed to shut the fuck up most people need to shut the fuck up you know what i mean like shut the fuck up you literally don't know what you're talking about yeah and we we center ignorance in our decision making and it's the quickest route to have a small life that you will never find joy in because you didn't even try you didn't even try you gotta try you don't have to you know we have tisha campbell coming up in uh was it next week or the week after and i know i don't know why her name keeps coming up like i just had tasha smith on who said tisha the beginning of tasha's career let her like stay at her sleep in her house and she showed her what was possible but she also had an impact in your life yeah no I mean when I first got into Hollywood I'm so lucky that my OGs took my sanity and my uh and protecting me very seriously who are your OGs Tisha Tashina um and Regina King oh and they just they just took that their privilege and they they put a bubble around me and so many of us.

1:02:36And Tisha and her former spouse invited me and my former spouse. They have no names. They will never, they will not be named. Up to their cap, their house in Big Bear or whatever. And she recognized that I was struggling. And she was like, Gab, are you seeking therapy? Have you ever had a Black therapist, a Black woman therapist. And I was like, if it's out of co-pay, like if it's out of my, you know, I can't afford that. Because you're a young actress at this time. I'm a young actress, yeah. And I'm like, I can't afford out of pocket. Like it's got to be, you know. And she was like, there will, that will never be an excuse for you.

1:03:20She's like, I got it. And she paid for the first, I mean, it was a lot of sessions with the therapist I still have to this day. She paid for it? She paid for it. She paid for me to go repeatedly, like a lot of sessions. What did she see in you? What did she see? She saw that I was circling the drain and she didn't want that for me. And she just constantly held my hand through different life transitions. And she just wasn't interested in watching me fail. You know what I mean? And that's just the person that she is. And she's done it for so many people. Oh, my God. I keep hearing. I can't wait to sit with her.

1:03:59Jennifer Lewis has done it for so many people. Like Jennifer will be like, you know, for a very long time, she called me, Bobby, bitch, Bobby, you're going to be a bitch, be a lovable bitch. Say it with love, damn it. But she she'll pull your coattails and they offer they use their their privilege as protection. You know, that's good to hear. Not everybody was doing that. You know, there's some people who are like, burn, fail, bitch, fail. But they didn't. And Tisha, she extended so much grace and kindness and opened her wallet. Wow. It wasn't just like, you should get therapy. Good luck to you.

1:04:39She was like, nope, there's no excuses. You're going to get the help that you need. And she just paid for it. Just because why? Why did she think that? She saw something in me, but she's just a kind, very thoughtful person. That's amazing. And, you know, when like Black Hollywood, you know, it's its own family, you know. and she wasn't an auntie like she was in her 20s you know she's not that much older than maybe a year around mcmartin time is she like popping at the yeah she's like she's she's tisha camp yeah you know i mean she's tisha mcbill and tashina was tashina mcbill and arnold yeah uh regina king was regina king and they just weren't interested in watching us fall into traps you know get set up like just they just were like no not her you know not any of them that they had the ability to reach.

1:05:28And what about Regina? Regina is like my heart. I don't know why I was about to get teary-eyed, but she's just been my heart. And it's hard watching her heart get ripped out of her chest. And we all grew up with Lil Ian and watching him at each milestone. And it's hard. and you just try to be there for people in any way that they allow you to be can't dictate anyone else's grief you can just be there yeah but I think there's a reason we all feel so strongly about her because she feels so strongly about us and she showed the fuck up you know what I mean like there's people who are like oh I'm cool with such and such oh I'm cool like if I see you it's love but like you know how what does that mean she showed up like for what does that a girl i know you're under the bed like i'm coming i'm coming to get you you know what i mean like i'm not going to let you suffer i'm not interested in watching you suffer i'm interested in being a guiding hand and to offer safety and protection and guidance um you're just really about that life you know her and her sister like I don't know and you get to know everyone's families and then you know like but that's you know and then I try to be that same OG to the next generation you know what I mean like I've had that relationship with Kiki you know with Kiki Palmer and you know young folks like when Meg Thee Stallion got on the scene and like my little cousin sweetie and we call her Didi but like if I got to pull your coattails if I'm or I got to reach out and be like, this is my number.

1:07:14You can always reach me. Ain't shit that could happen that I haven't been through. You know, I'm here, you know, you just have to return the favor. I'm sure you had an OG and then you, you offer that same thing. Like, I don't have to see you every day to know that you're a safe place in the storm. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's beautiful. Yeah. I think the thing with Regina, cause she was on the pod too. And I obviously don't know her as well as, as you do but we just love her like you just you know what I'm saying even from outside who don't have an intimate relationship with her like you do it's like to watch them on anybody's heart be ripped out like that it's very painful to see so as her friend I can only imagine how no and there's a reason you just see this outpouring because she has poured into so many people and didn't wasn't keeping score wasn't like well I did this for you it's like like she came out like one of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first, was on being Mary Jane.

1:08:10And, you know, everyone has a moment. And I was having a little moment, a little bratty moment. And she's like, came to my trailer. She has a little thing of sunflower seeds. And she was like, you know, hand me some sunflower seeds. And she's like, basically cut the shit. Cut the shit. I was like, I'm gonna cut the shit. And you sometimes you need that, too. You know, it's not always, you know, moonlight and roses sometimes you need you know an og to be like cut the ship have some sunflowers is that really what she said it's dead ass like what she said and we just sat on my you know the soup of my trailer and talked it out and what were you going through what was the thing i mean it was it could have been anything i know it wasn't you know life or death yeah and you know sometimes you get a little puffed up number one on the call sheet and sometimes you need to remind be reminded that this is a business and you don't get to hijack the whole operation because you're in a mood no no one person is more important than the whole and cut the shit cut the shit gab have some sunflower seeds i'm gonna bust that out on somebody because no one can turn down don't even think about bringing sunflower seeds to set okay you'll be like don't even think about it.

1:09:26I love that though. Yeah. But like being Mary Jane was, it's when you look at the tent poles of your career, do you look at that as like, yeah, it brought me back. It really brought me back, you know, cause you go through periods of like, you work all the time to like not working all the time. You work all the time, not working all the time. And after I didn't get scandal, which, you know, let's be clear. I was not close, close. I was maybe down to like a handful. Um, I just thought that was that's the only opportunity we're going to get to play a character like that. And I was so sad that there were just so few possibilities.

1:10:02Like people weren't writing black female led shows. And then I met with Mara. It was I don't know if I've ever said this publicly, but I met with Mara and Salim Akil on the day that Whitney died. Wow. And Whitney had been so supportive of me. Whitney Houston yeah wow and it was just like shocking and it but when you know like it was it was the whole thing was just surreal and you just see all these people the phones are going off I think we were at the Four Seasons restaurant and you just see all these people's phones going off and you know of course it's like it was like around the Grammys um and it was like this is surreal.

1:10:48And it hadn't been that long before I was, I was hosting BET honors and there was like a glitch, you know, when you're hosting things, you got to go out and, you know, do the, you know, schmooze the crowd. And I come out and Whitney stands up and is like, giving me this like standing solo standing ovation. Just her. Just her. And, you know, it just gave me like just enough to be like, okay, like I can do this. It's going to be okay. I'm not just out here by myself. I'm with my community and there's people who cheer for me. And that person happened to be Whitney Houston, right in the front row.

1:11:20It was just a surreal day. And that was the day I got presented with being Mary Jane. Wow. And it was such a gift, you know, and to be able to play her for so many years and to have a destination. You know, as actors, you're like, I don't know where the next, you know, check is going to come from. I don't know. That last job might have been the last job. and so to be able to grow with the character and to do all the fun crazy stuff that mary jane got to do and work with all of my friends and so it was i don't know it was a great period of in my life while in the midst of crazy chaos i love that yeah you don't think about how much something could i guess it's just what's what's for you is for you and what's not because i could imagine the scandal thing i mean everyone and their mother was up for scandal but like you're like that is my only opportunity.

1:12:13I have not read anything like that. There probably will never be anything like that. I've been in the industry 20 years at that point or so. And it's like, okay, I guess we got one every generation. And you killed it. I killed it. And I was flying home. I love that you know you killed it. No, that's like, listen, I am Mary Jane. Like Bron called me Mary Jane for a very long time. He still does. It's fine. But no, that show really gave me a deeper roots um in in pop culture in the community um and just as a as an artist I got to I got to make a ton of mistakes and I got to correct them as a woman yeah as I was going through so many things um and I got to act a lot of that out you know when it didn't feel safe to cry or to throw a tantrum in real life um Mary Jane could handle it the way she wanted to handle it.

1:13:09Yeah. You know, it's pretty great. I loved it. Yeah. I love that. We loved it too. All right. Well, before we go, I have a question. It's in the bowl. You didn't pick it, but I'll always ask you if God were to text you today, what would it say? You got this. That's it. You got this. I got this. He got it. Really? He got it. Yeah. You got this. Why do you normally feel like you don't? You know, you don't know. I don't know if I'm hitting it out of the park every day you know you don't know but like having your faith and just knowing like as long as you have peace you know that God is in you you know what I mean the absence of peace is like you haven't made space for God and his grace their grace I think of God as generalist but like you know so peace is the presence of God to me and when you don't feel that peace we haven't done, we haven't taken enough active steps to create space for his, his grace.

1:14:12And so the message was what? You got this. You got this. Cause he got this or they got this. They, you know, depends on how, you know, a lot of people use the feminine. So, you know, I love that. Gabrielle Union, everybody. In real life. Hey, this is Gabrielle Union in real life.