Angie Martinez IRL - Jess Hilarious: Being Yourself Is Never Too Much

25:18Jess Hilarious:And you got to almost appeal to them. I think I was getting lost in that. That's what I think I was doing. I was getting lost in that because you're right. They change up algorithms. And now your video is popping up for people who don't know you. Right. And their opinions now. Are stupid. Yes, are stupid. Right. And it's a lot of a mixed in. It's hard for you to find yours. and you're like, damn, did I do something? What the hell happened? Where's my people? Get rid of these people. Exactly. You know, but you can't spam everybody. That's why I'm doing a better job with staying out the comments.

25:51Because, girl, I used to be called the clapback queen.

25:54Jess Hilarious:I used to be in there like, I bet your mother, you know what I mean? But I'm evolving. I'm 34. I ain't got time to be reading comments and responding back to people. Girl, you got to be up at three in the morning. Girl, what? And you got two kids. And doing research. And doing research on people that comes up. And a husband. A husband. yes you know who wants his wife to his wife uphold her wifely duties what are those what are your wifely duties gosh gosh Angie first of all I'm gonna need you to say say it like a little more like you're happy about no I'm actually absolutely happy to be married it's just so much like I have my life is so chaotic it's beautiful chaos at the end of the day though because my person I'm so happy I married Chris Christopher Tolliver.

26:41Jess Hilarious:I took his last name so you know I love him because I love my name. Jessica Robin Moore sounds great. Packaged up. You can sell it to anybody. Now I added Tolliver so it's Jessica Robin Moore Tolliver. You know I love you. I sound like a they them. All them damn names. You know what I mean? But I am very very happy. I am and I actually have joy like because I found someone who didn't, I'm not going to say he didn't care about who Jess Hilarious was. He knew that that's a character you know he knew that and it's a lot of jessica robin moore toliver in just hilarious but that's my brain that i i put that i take that hat off at night when you know i'm with my husband he wanted to know who i was and you know what makes me happy what brings me joy outside of you know the the industry that i'm in you know he didn't care about that and that's what I love.

27:37Jess Hilarious:I never had that. Never. Wow. Where did, how did you guys meet? I met him in Baltimore. And look, he from Baltimore, born and raised too. And I was like, I'm not doing no more niggas from Baltimore because they all like, I'm not, they take me back to where I don't want to be, you know, but he's so well-rounded because, uh, he was contracted with the army. So he lived in Kuwait for like four years and he lived in Thailand and he's just, he's well-rounded. You would never even though he ain't even really got the accent until he get mad. Then you hear all the you and the do and the two. And I'm like, damn, I was trying to get away from that.

28:10Jess Hilarious:But I met him in Baltimore. I was getting crabs. This was February 23rd, 2023. I was just finishing up an episode of Breakfast Club. I was Gasco hosting. I caught the train down. Me, my sister, and my homegirl went to go get some crabs. He come in there. He's sitting at the end of the bar and he meeting his people. They knew who I was, but he wasn't really scoping or anything. He was just like down there conversating with them. And he was, he's a truck driver, so he was like on a stop. And I tried to buy him a round of shots. He didn't drink, didn't smoke. He do now because I'm a little crazy.

28:43Jess Hilarious:But yeah, he didn't. And so I was like, I like you, you know what I mean? And I'm buying shots and he ain't drinking none of them. So I get up and I go to the bathroom and you never know how drunk you are until you stand up. And I'm like, sis, walk me to the bathroom because I got to walk past him. But I'm drunk as shit. She was like, all right, cool. We walk past or whatever. And I was like, I hope he's not watching me walk away. And I turned around and he wasn't. And I was like, that's fucked up, you know. But I came out and I could tell he was getting up, you know, because he was ready to leave.

29:16Jess Hilarious:But he was like, I would like to take you out. I want to get to know you outside of this environment, you know. You sober and everything. I want to get to know who you are, you know. and then it was that's it a week later he took me on a date and I haven't left his side since oh my god that's so cute yes three years I'm happy about that I love that for you I mean you went through a lot man it's by the way a lot of it's in the book yes you didn't hold back about how you let him know about your baby daddy yes you let him know where some of the things went wrong there but you guys have figured this out like you really seem to have figured it out yeah we did Well, what was the motivation behind even like, let me tell this story.

29:57I mean, I know you've told stories. Yeah. You've been open about your relationship with him. You guys done the pod. Not the pod.

30:03Jess Hilarious:Yeah, it was a YouTube series that we developed. YouTube series, right, right. Co-parenting therapy. We used to do those. But like, I really wanted to put it into like a piece of literature, our story. Because, girl, I just feel like social media today, right? you'll go down these rabbit holes and and and tiktok instagram facebook x whatever you're on and you see like there is a real category or like a real like thing where people want to stay stagnant and stay dysfunctional and they love toxicity they feed off of that and the co-parenting conversations outside of marriage or whatever it's like baby mamas and bitter baby daddies and everybody and they are talking about how much they hate the co-parent like it's not going to affect your children like your kids ain't got to see this like there has been a bad stigma put on people put on couples that don't stay together like they feel like once you meet somebody you have a baby you're in love all the things y 'all break up now that's the end of it you take the kid you i'm gonna take this we can't even be cool like fuck my baby mama fuck my you got sexy red that's like she probably gonna get mad again i don't care you got sexy red that's like fuck my baby dad it's like so many yeah it's like that's an audience yeah they're like really look i'm gonna put it i'm gonna sum it up yo on this book press tour i sat and i did many podcasts right and i go and do this one in particular and as soon as i sat down i can tell they didn't read the book but as soon as i sat down the one girl's like yes finally we got somebody who finally wrote a fuck my baby daddy book because bitch I can't wait to tell you about mine so I was like yeah you clearly did not read the book and you clearly don't know me that's never been me that's never been my story me and wrong I've never been able to say that about wrong now in the beginning of the book chapter one three maybe four so things went down yes I mean you were young it was a little toxic right you were but nah I've never because you got to think about it yo you once loved this person you once you know and although y 'all not gonna be together y 'all can still come together and be friends even if you ain't best friends like me and Rome like you can still build a bond that's healthy for y 'all to because y 'all y 'all gotta have the mindset for these kids and you know the right mindset for these kids the right mentality um and y 'all can raise the kids effectively like you don't have to hate each other it requires though some well number one it requires you number one to put your children first it requires a lot of work actually be mindful about doing that but it also requires you to like for have to have forgiveness yeah and um i don't know i feel like you actually like you I do.

33:06I do. That's my guy. And you give him almost, you know, you understand his history and his background. And maybe you can kind of just, not justify, but understand some of his behavior. You can make a decision, it ain't for you.

33:21Jess Hilarious:Yes. But you could give him grace in some of his maybe shortcomings or things that he didn't do right in that relationship. And that's hard for a lot of people. Yeah. Especially when they still got. In it. You got feelings. and I always say that you say in the book don't be trying to jump around don't be don't jump around in and out no of sex no please no stop fucking baby daddy don't do it don't do it because that's like false hope in a sense you know what I mean and and more confusion it's more confusion yeah it's hard enough right yeah and you're being let on and then vice versa you got some guys that the baby mom leads on like I've seen it I've seen it happen before and I know the most complicated thing to do is co-parent with somebody who you feel like you despise or you feel like despises you.

34:10Jess Hilarious:You feel like there's no end. Like he hurt me so bad. And that's what Mia Rome would do in the beginning. I felt like he hurt me so bad. I was trying to show up to be the most bitterest of bitters. Like I was trying to be a bitter baby mama and the best parent for Ashton. And that's like oil and water. That don't go. You know what I mean? Because it confuses your kids too, because I'm walking around angry, holding all of this negativity and energy. And I'm angry most of the time. And it's dead, but I'm projecting on him. And then I start seeing that. And my son, like, he messing up in school. He talking back to me.

34:45Jess Hilarious:He's being disrespectful, defiant, oppositional and all that. And I'm like, well, Dan, what's wrong with you? And it's like, you are what's wrong with him. And it took me, it didn't take me a lot of time to see that. But how me in Rome got past everything he had done to me, I had to start realizing that this is bigger than me. This has nothing to do with me. Rome came from a traumatic childhood, right? He found his mom dead at 10 and he was the one to find her. That is how he describes it to be the worst day of his life. Like nothing comes close to that feeling and it still affects him now. And I think by his family not getting him the necessary help to teach him how to navigate or help him navigate with that loss or, you know, to cope with mourning your mom.

35:37Jess Hilarious:You know, she was his, he was her only child, you know, and then his life was uprooted at 10 and he has a different household to go live into. I think what he started doing was self-medicating on women, like with women, like as he got older, because he never got any professional help with that and I was able to understand that and change my mindset and my mentality toward him like okay this shit is bigger than me like I gotta give him a little grace he gotta see somebody though he need professional help but I could tell I was like the first step toward therapy because he had never got vulnerable that vulnerable enough to share those things what's interesting too is like you might not have gotten to that place to give him that grace if you had not removed yourself from that relationship.

36:26Because if you just stayed in it, because I think women make the mistake of like, you could have grace for someone you love and understand their background and why, and it's bigger than you. You could understand that. But if you stay in it, somebody's going down. You know what I'm saying? Like you can't rise to even have the grace if you're in the shit with the person. You know what I'm saying? But somehow you got out. Somehow you made a decision. Yeah. Which I'm which was not an easy one.

36:54Jess Hilarious:No, I wasn't. It really was. It wasn't easy at first because, like I said, I was still in it and I did go down. I went. That nigga sent me to jail. Oh, my God. It was wild. I'm busting out windows. I'm popping up at jobs and I'm fighting the other baby mother and I'm catching them with girls. And I'm like, look, y 'all. All right. This is too much. you know especially when he showed up at my son's birthday at our son's first birthday party with another bitch what's going on yes like wrong you know and then people read that and they're like how the hell did you get past that how the hell are you sitting anywhere and talking about he your best friend I still I still don't know I still don't know I was just able to give him grace i i have no idea i know because the same reason you said why is my son acting up if you did it for your son yeah you started with your son and then you found probably grace for him yeah absolutely but yeah like my son started like acting up and he was such a happy kid like charming everything was that he did everything like his dad like because that's how rome got me being charming and just you know what i mean this little short ass just you know i always say if Ray J and Bow Wow made a baby, it'll be Jerome.

38:12Jess Hilarious:It'll be my baby father. That's what I had to deal with, you know, but still very charming, you know. But, like, yeah, I started seeing that in my son. And, yeah, maybe that along with me understanding that traumatic incident that he had at 10, walking and seeing his mom dead. And then, like, you know, he still don't know, like, what happened or whatever. Nobody even tried to help him figure that out or anything, you know. The fact that you could identify that he was medicating himself with women. Yeah. I think a lot of men do that. Yeah. And don't, what was the word we said before, diagnose it.

38:55Right. So sometimes the baby mother or the wife or the woman is like, what is wrong with you? And they don't even know what's wrong with them. They don't. Because it hasn't been diagnosed. This is what you're doing. It's like you're medicating. Yeah.

39:08Jess Hilarious:And I feel like you're actually ruining your life. Actually, you know, and I feel like Rome was looking for his mom and a lot of the women because he he longed for nurturing. Like he loves affection. He loves to do all the same things he used to be able to do with his mom, with women is like, you know, he hates you if you can't cook. He don't like you twerking on the Internet. that he don't like. Like certain things like that. And it always goes back to his mom because he'll mention, my mother would never do no shit like that all the time. Every time he gets into it with like certain girlfriends.

39:43Jess Hilarious:You know, like I noticed that he'd say that. This is, you know, past, but I'm like, yo, you're looking for your mother and these girls. You know, you can't do that. Yeah. Oof. Yeah, that's a different type of look. Look at Jess the therapist. You know what I'm saying? You might need a segment to Jess the therapist. See, I do a segment called Jess Fix My Mess. Yes. But see, they don't take me serious. That's the problem. Yes. My message just seems like, you know, the therapist, Jess, could be a whole other thing. Put on some glasses. You know. And not do it at work with two childish ass idiots.

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44:04It's like, uh, people use the kid. Yeah, they weaponize that. Or the other way, or you also say something in the book about how money, he would kind of use money. Yeah. So you use what you got to, I don't know.

44:24Jess Hilarious:Try to get whatever you want or to try to hit like in the gut. Because if you, what I knew about Rome, like back then, if he didn't love anything else, he loved his kid. Like he loved his son. And he was so happy that we were having a baby. Like, I was happy that he was happy, you know. I was happier for him than I was for myself about the supplements of motherhood. So, like, I knew this would get under his skin. I'm like, he ain't eating yours anyway. Like, I used that. I said that shit to him. Yeah. And then, like, later on. Your ass was toxic, too. Girl, yes. Girl, and that's why. And his response to that, because he was hurt, that's why he said he brought the bitch to the birthday party.

45:10Jess Hilarious:Because you told me that my son wasn't mine anyway. And I understood. I understood that. Yeah. I did. I was mad. You know what I mean? Shit. You've done so much growing. I know. What do you attribute the growth to? Cool. Is it just lessons, life, therapy? I mean, therapy, what? No. All of it? Nothing? No therapy ever. No. How you sit across from Charlotte and everything? I know. Girl, he will shove therapy down somebody's throat. I'm like, are you in it? Because you need to go. Shit, he didn't change his face. You know, his face all, you know, smooth now and everything. Shoot, so. But he still need to go.

45:45Jess Hilarious:But I don't know. I'm not opposed to it, to be honest. I don't know when the fuck I'm going to have time to do therapy. But you have grown and evolved so much. Yeah, yeah. I think I honestly, I equate that to like reading my Bible. Because I was born and raised in a church. a very structured household. My father being a former Marine, my mom born and raised in a church as well. So that's how she raised her kids. And keep your head in the Bible. You know, you give God, give God everything, the glory of yourself. You know, you ask him to use you, you know, in situations where you don't know what to do.

46:22Jess Hilarious:You drop to the knees and you pray. Even when you feel like your prayers go unheard. Nah, nah, they're not. You know, sometimes you got to sit in a storm like you sit in the season because you got to face the noise and shit and i felt like i was very very toxic it was a lot of things i needed to work on why i'm so busy trying to help rome get through his shit i'm like nigga i'm fucked up too a little bit you know because of this with you this is a lot we come from two different paths and um what is the prayer in that moment girl what is the prayer to get you out of your own toxicity god why would you even want me to go to jail?

46:59Jess Hilarious:Why would you, you said I'm your kid. Why would you want me to bash this nigga head in? Why would you want me to ride over here and bust his windows out? Why would you want me to fight this girl that's sitting on his lap on the porch and my son in the house rolling around in a cat litter? Why would you want me to do that? You know? And what was the answer? I don't? No, the answer was jail. You know, like, bitch, you didn't realize. You didn't realize I had to go through all of that, you know. But even when you don't get a clear answer from God, it is not all about just prayer. It's about realizing, too, like, you know, this is more, this is about more than just you.

47:48Jess Hilarious:You got a kid. You made a decision to have this baby. It's not about just praying. Like you really have to do some deep diving. And so you got to look inside and be like, all right, what do I really want? Do I want to keep going through this shit? Like what you said earlier, like, do I want to keep doing this? Like it's draining me to be toxic. Like I'm stopping myself. I caught charges and shit. Like, all right, because now you're stopping yourself. And I feel like God will keep on. He will also keep putting you in the same position to be hurt by the same person until you wake up. because I know, you know, God wants us to love thy brother, love thy sister and, you know, help everybody out where you can.

48:31Jess Hilarious:But he still don't want you to be a fucking fool either. Like, you know, he wants you to have some discernment. Yes. And I was very foolish. And I just didn't want to keep getting hurt and keep hurting myself. And I didn't want to keep seeing home hurt. Yeah. I love that. I love that you're not afraid to, I don't know, just make mistakes and learn in real time, like out loud. and to go back to what we were talking about earlier i remember this moment so you had just had this outburst with the breakfast club you just came back you went online and said whatever you said i don't even remember everything about everybody and everything about everybody and they didn't want you there they were trying to force you out and whole thing went crazy yeah and i remember somebody was like she shouldn't have done that and i was like in myself i was like yeah because sometimes you got to pick moments to live out loud even if it's uncomfortable for yourself and everybody else yeah i'm not saying on the record just that you should have done i know i know but i also told me that yeah i did say that to you right yeah i love that i'm saying you should have yeah but i think when you're not afraid to be out loud in a moment like that it also gives you the opportunity to heal out loud yeah because whenever when people seeing you doing that and them reacting you're on the radio every day and you're in a new position so now people are getting to know you new people are getting to know you in a different way and so now they see you in this conflict but guess what now we get to see you you you heal the conflict yeah and now we've gone on that ride with you and we know you better yeah and I think sometimes to live out loud in those moments if you're ready to and willing to deal with the comments and deal with the opinions and deal with everybody if you're willing to do that especially as a public figure I don't know sometimes I think it's sir it could serve you you know it was it was a very uncomfortable moment you know like I and girl I had the nerve to go live talk about everybody and then go to work the next day like my badge was gonna work I did not I thought I was like oh shit I think I'm done yeah I think I'm done but I still went I'm like nah I forget it whatever I'm going and I go in there and I see the boss boss don't be coming in at 5 30.

50:43Jess Hilarious:She was there I was like oh shit hey how you doing she's like you are you good I was like yeah I'm good why what's up you know like I didn't just do this shit like everybody didn't see you talking yeah right and And then, ooh, I walk in and they want to have, actually Envy wanted to have the conversation on air, you know. And at first I was like, nah, nah, we not doing that. But then I was, then I said to myself, no, what I did was public. They got every right to want to have this conversation with me publicly. Like, nah, I'm not going, you know, hot, tuck my tail hot. Like, nah, all right, what's up?

51:25Envy was well in his right to ask for that.

51:27Jess Hilarious:Yeah, and he was hurt by it, you know, and I feel like I got a certain connection, like a different type of connection with Envy because he's like the big teddy bear, like big brother. Like, he don't play about loyalty. That's one thing about him and me getting to know him because I had a longstanding relationship with Charlotte before I came to the show. just got to meet Lauren but I really didn't like have like that bond with Envy until I came on to Breakfast Club and like he like welcomed me open arms whatever you and your kids need whatever you and Chris need like he just accepted me I'm like oh damn real family guy stand up dude solid love him you know so that I can tell it hurt him more than it hurt anybody you know and that's what really made me cry like Envy I just I burst and it's his but I still felt like, yo, I'm not crazy.

52:24Jess Hilarious:Like, yeah, maybe a little postpartum me and shit. Yeah, that's cool. But like, no, I feel like y 'all playing with me. Like, I'm asking, yo, what's going on? Like, am I being replaced? Like, what are y 'all doing with her? She's going to be the fourth share. Like, what's happening? I don't know. I mean, you know, like senior news producer. But I'm like, producers really don't be on air like that. You know what I mean? I wanted her to sit in the third chair while I was out having my baby and shit, but I come back and we had a plan and now the plan is like different. And you didn't have answers.

52:58Jess Hilarious:And nobody told me. And so I'm asking her like, yo, was it Shane? No, Eve? I'm like, bitch, you know what's going on. Stop acting. You are from TMZ. If anybody know anything, it's you. Like, I know you know what's up, you know, but it was, it was, it was, it was just no communication. And I felt like the rapport that I built with them before going to maternity leave, I felt like I was at least old, some type of heads up, you know, and I didn't get that. So I acted out in a tantrum type of manner. And we had that big blow up on air and everything got better eventually. I don't regret doing that on air.

53:43Jess Hilarious:I don't regret doing it because like it was a very real thing and it was a moment of the beginning of a healing process. Like, all right, come on, let's do it. I guess that's what I was saying at the beginning of this. It's like, yeah, I'm not saying. Yeah, I know. But I feel like I know you were in a you were in a state of like. Postpartum new job, you needed support, you needed guidance, you weren't getting it and you had a tantrum. Yeah, you did. You had a tantrum. And you did, but like sometimes, I don't know. I feel like what a great opportunity for the fans of the show or people in the public to see you work through that with everyone as a team.

54:26To see you and Lauren get to the other side of that is beautiful to see that. And so I think you don't get to see that if you don't see the tantrum first. You don't get to see the healing if you don't get to see the tantrum.

54:38Jess Hilarious:and so I love that we got to sit down with you Angela Yee like you know because remember that women's event yeah girl that was like immediately after the live and shit and so I'm imagine coming back to work after something like that and you saw all the white people walking down hey Jess you okay I'm like yeah I'm good damn like all right relax y 'all and then Lauren actually was the one like hey we should go to the women's like it's it's women's day there with all the girls of iHeart. I'm like, girl, hell no. I just went live last week. I don't even know how you're talking to me. No, she's like, no, let's go.

55:15Jess Hilarious:For real, I think it'd be great. Lauren is really a girl's girl. I love that, how she didn't even... Of course, in the moment, she was upset. Like, you bitch said you ain't liking me on live and all of that. But she was able to see also what I was going through and she was able to put herself in my shoes. Yeah, I would kind of feel that way too. I wouldn't do what you did, but I would feel that way too. And then we sat down with you and Angela Yee. And also, like, you gave us that. I thought that was the most genius idea to remake The Boy Is Mine. The Job Is Mine. I thought that was so fucking great.

55:50Jess Hilarious:I love that you did it. Because I just was being like, yeah. I was trying to express to you guys that to own the narrative. Yeah. I just wanted you two to own your own narrative. Like, don't let people say what she is. don't let Lauren don't let people tell you Jess ain't shit and hates you Lauren don't you know Jess don't let people tell you that Lauren is trying to take you out cause like y 'all control the narrative I don't know I just wanted to say that so then that idea came up but then you actually not only did you do it but y 'all took it and bodied it yes I thought it was so and then Brandy to hear Brandy say like that was genius Lauren just saw her at the Roots picnic and Brandy was so happy about that she said she was I love that yeah she loved it so that makes me so happy yeah look at y 'all I know right so much healing yes it is and we don't do the same thing I'm a comedian she's a journalist you know like Lauren being caught with niggas that ain't me yeah I'm not sitting behind Diddy for 45 days I'm not doing it she was there she that's TMZ girl she's about that life she yeah she is about that life and I respect that that's a grind yeah the reason I love that is because I've made mistakes like that in my career where you let people make you feel some way about somebody.

57:07And when I would get to the other side of it, I realized, man, it's so much better when you could just get it out, get to it. Because usually, usually nobody really wants the problem. They want solutions and things.

57:22Jess Hilarious:Not somebody I'm seeing every day. For sure. You spend more time with the people you work with than you do your family. so yeah that that part yeah not every day every day you can't be beefing with somebody every day like damn should i gotta come up with a roast every day but it's mentioned you know i didn't want to have to do that oh my god yeah people have done shit like that to me my whole career i told that story when we were with ryan kugler about how when i when they first put me on afternoons yeah i was like struggling with something and they put an ed they put ed lover on against me at power i think in afternoons and i love ed lover i know and yeah it's whatever but all of a sudden he was like my competition and i let a little bit of that get in my head and then he booked oprah winfrey on his after you know she's yes still haven't really interviewed oprah he got the oprah interview on power so it's new radio station new ed lover right against me oh god i caught myself feeling the way about ed i caught myself on like he ain't what it And I was like, wait a minute, you don't you don't feel like that about Ed.

58:24You love Ed. I had to check myself and I was by myself in the car to check myself. And I thought checking myself wasn't enough. I had to like hit Ed and say, you know, you killed that interview. Wow. It was so good. And then hear him say to me, man, thank you so much for calling me so much to me. And then I was like, oh, I'll never make that mistake again. because what was almost happening it's like you have to cut that shit yeah right at the root

58:56Jess Hilarious:because he probably didn't know how you were feeling either he's probably like shit he probably just automatically fell guilty to like for sure i just use that as an example but we've all been through that in different things at the job at the whatever you people put you and it's like if you don't check yourself and if you want to go further and actually clear the air a lot of times the air feels better like that. But I ain't gonna lie. Let Lauren meet Oprah before me. I'm going live again. I hate that. But damn. No more live for you. No, I know. No more. Let's go to our bowl. IRL bowl. Or voice note.

59:36Which one? All right, let's do bowl. Okay. All right. This is our IRL bowl of questions. You can't go in. you've seen the pod so you know I'm going to go to my favorite one after but we'll save that for the end

59:48Jess Hilarious:okay damn what can't figure it out because this one is what do people hope to learn from you what do you think people can't learn from you what do you think people should learn what do you hope people learn from you being yourself is never too much like honestly like it's not always beautiful it's not always easy it's not always pretty but like it's real definitely real but sometimes some people that's so emotional

1:00:32what is that? what's happening? what are you thinking? why is that why does that sting?

1:00:43Jess Hilarious:because sometimes you you can be too much or for people

1:00:54you want to pick tissue can we get her a tissue yeah sometimes you

1:01:00Jess Hilarious:you can be too much right um or people have told you that i guess yeah like yeah um sorry i don't make sure because your makeup is so good i don't Thank you. But sometimes you can be like too much for people. And I've been told that.

1:01:24Like, tone it down.

1:01:25Jess Hilarious:Like, you know, that Baltimore can't come with you. Which I mean, that's what got me here, you know? And you'll second guess yourself a lot. Why you want to be known for who you are and staying authentic and just like, yeah, being who you are, you know. Sometimes that's not always accepted right away by the people that you think will accept it. you know like i've never been cookie cutter never been over polished and shit i evolve for sure elevating and evolution is beautiful but like i don't i will never lose my core and like

1:02:22Jess Hilarious:i feel like a lot of my nose that i get like no no you're not good for this roller you can't do as you can is because I'm a little, I'm still a little rugged too much. Like it's, you know, oh, she goes rogue if things don't happen her way or she from the same city, Monique, from UCI, that shit ended up. Like I actually have heard those conversations. I'm like, didn't know Jada Pinkett, UCI, she going around, she on this book tour. She talking about she wasn't ever happy. I'm like, God damn, these Baltimore bitches, man. You know what I mean? They put us all in the God that, you know. but everybody journey is different everybody's everybody's different then oh my god then you see Christian it's like what the fuck like why everybody always gotta like where's like we constantly get it like but I what I what I still want for people to learn from me like yo just be yourself it may take you longer than you're expected to grow right don't change grow get better with time like wine like even going back to my book I got better like from experiencing things and learning from myself and learning from my son um you know yeah it's just hard I feel that Yeah.

1:03:50Hey, guys. So I was scrolling through the Sprite Living track list the other day, and I immediately started arguing with myself about what should be there, what shouldn't, and why. And it's very easy to do that, arguing about songs like California Love and Still Not a Player and Definition. There are so many songs, so many moments, so many memories, and this is just a snapshot of where hip-hop was and where it's going. That's what Sprite gets. The past 40 years, they've been celebrating artists who define the culture, and now they're turning the conversation over to the fans. And if you're like me, the real fun is getting into the why.

1:04:21Why do these songs matter? Why does that line hit? Why did it change hip-hop forever? And now I can't promise you any answers, but what Sprite will give you is a good time figuring it out. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst.

1:04:41Jess Hilarious:On the under$3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is$2. Because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just$2 with McValue. Limit time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. We've all been there. We've had seasons that have shaken everything. The question is, what remains when the shaking stops? Hi, I'm Gary Valenciano. And on my podcast, Unshaken with Gary Vee, I sit down with amazing personalities and we talk about the seasons that nearly broke them. The lows that carried them to their highs. Listen to Unshaken with Gary Vee on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:05:33Betrayal Weekly is back with brand new stories. From threatening text messages disturbing a small Midwestern town. It was from an unknown number. Who else is getting these messages? Why did it start with us? To long cons and stolen identities. Who lies about being this sick? This was the last time I ever believed a word she said. New voices, each with the courage to tell their own story.

1:06:01Jess Hilarious:He said I have been kidnapped. Okay, just trying out normal. He was essentially on the run. Every family has secrets. The rug had been pulled from underneath me. Oh my God. It was right in front of my face and I didn't even see it. Listen to Betrayal Weekly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:06:34Well, you are enough, clearly. Yeah. That's not the problem. You don't think you're not enough. You think you're too much. Yeah. Or you worry you're too much. That's your struggle. Right. Am I too much? Right. But then what are you supposed to do? Mute yourself? Right. Dim yourself?

1:06:49Jess Hilarious:And I think that's what also I was going through on The Breakfast Club that I'm just trying to, I mean, that I'm just getting out of. Like, am I too much? Do I gotta, I'm in my head asking all these questions. and yeah. That'll get you every time. Girl, yes. And then Char calls me, you know, Envy will call like, yo, you was quiet the day was wrong, you know, and then Char calls me. Yeah, Envy is always there with it, you know. He's a good soul, huh? Yeah, he is, man. And Char will call me and man, Char is like a tough big brother but still a brother nonetheless. Like, he's the type if you walk past him and you crying, don't come around me because I ain't going to ask you what's wrong, you know.

1:07:31And then when we get off work, what's going on?

1:07:35Jess Hilarious:What's wrong? And don't be tough. You don't got to be tough. What's wrong? You're quiet. What's going on? Where's your funny? Where are you? What's happening? Why are you not writing? I can tell what's going on. That makes me feel better. Makes me feel good. Because these are like, in my opinion, oh, geez, man, y 'all been doing this shit for so long. No, we didn't learn this the way y 'all learned. but it's still hard. It's still new. And it's like, shit is like being thrown in, you know, but what I do realize is, you know, to wrap it up, like it's still other days. You know, it's always the next day.

1:08:16Jess Hilarious:It's always tomorrow. If you don't get it right today, yo, you got another, got another day to get it right. And we just people try to, try to wing the, try to wing the shit. You know what I mean? We just people. So, yeah, just heard somebody say that today. about yesterday about somebody oh we were talking about a friend of mine who's super successful and she just did something kind of nuts and one of our friends was like what's wrong you're human right you're showing you're showing that you're human because we all like it's just yeah we're all just trying our best out here girl by the way you answered that question amazingly i know i think i was right i did not i didn't want it but i didn't want it but you needed it you didn't want it but you needed it there we go the damn bowl will get you every time right damn and i was watching episodes i'm like shit watch i'm gonna pick a good question and i'm gonna ace this shit whole time i'm up this motherfucker crying i know but damn i ain't want to get on deep oh i was i was trying to hold it together because we can't both be here and crying you know why i felt that too and we probably feel it too it's like we all go through those moments where we're like somebody judges you or they want you to be a different version of yourself and we're like, am I okay?

1:09:32Am I enough? Am I good enough? Am I something wrong with me? Do I need to, like, even if we don't show it, we all have those internal feelings sometimes. And it's like you were just thrown in the fire. It's on overload. And so I feel you on that. I'm so proud of you that you are fighting and continue to fight through that. Thank you. So you're so worth it. Thank you. Yeah, it's good. I'm not going to make you cry again. Sorry. I know, right? Sorry, sorry. Yeah.

1:10:07Jess Hilarious:I appreciate it though, for real. Yeah, you're so dope. Hey guys, you ever signed up for a phone plan thinking, wow, what a great price. And then a few months later, it's like, surprise, your bill is higher. We hate that. With Boost Mobile, you pay$25 a month forever. That's unlimited talk, text, and data starting at just$25 a month. There's no price hikes, there's no contract, and this is forever. Plus, Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. They invested billions building 5G towers across the country. So what you need to do is visit BoostMobile.com or head to your local Boost store today and get unlimited talk, text, and data for$25 a month forever.

1:10:475G speed's not available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay$25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. All right, let's go to our voice note. We have a voice note segment here. You know this from the IRL podcast. This is a listener or a fan of the show or a friend. Let's have it.

1:11:08Jess Hilarious:Hi, Jess. I've been seeing somebody for almost a year now. And he's asking me questions about when he's going to be introduced to my child. How do you know when it's a good time to introduce your new partner to your child? Good question. Yeah, that is a good question. I actually talk about this in the book. Because what I did, what I did, what I thought was wrong. Now, looking back, I was introducing my son to everybody. You were? Yes, girl. And it was like, who this? Like, my son was literally like, who is this? You know what I mean? And I wasn't even dating good guys, like great guys. I'm not going to say they weren't great.

1:11:53Jess Hilarious:They weren't great for him, my son. I was dating selfishly. But were you introducing them as your boyfriend or just like my mommy's friend? Oh, yeah, my friend. Like, yeah, no. And a lot of them wasn't even around like long enough to become boyfriends. But like I wouldn't introduce my son too. Oh, gosh. Like I feel bad even talking about it now, but I did do that. and when I met my husband this is this is like the answer to the question when I met my husband I felt like I had went through all the bad seeds I knew what not to do in this relationship so I was like all right cool I asked him questions about because he he wasn't a parent I gave my husband his first child so I was asking him like like how are you good how are you with kids um How are you with conflict resolution with baby daddies?

1:12:43Jess Hilarious:Like, you know, have you ever dealt with somebody with a kid? Because I know you don't have kids. How was you brought up, Mark? You know, like, does your mom and your dad speak? Do you speak to your father? Do you speak to your mother? You know what I mean? Like, just certain things. And you'll be able to see rather quickly what type of person you're dealing with. You know, and it took me like four months to introduce my husband to my son, although I knew I was going to be with him before that. It was just a feeling I had. I still was very cautious approaching that meetup because I'm like, well, Ashton's seen so many just clown ass dudes, yo, come in and out.

1:13:31Jess Hilarious:This one got to be right because I can't keep doing this shit. he's gonna get older and he's gonna be like all right ma yeah you tripping like what the hell you know so to answer her question you gotta get to know it is no time to put on it just when you feel like you've asked all the questions and you can see that he's a good guy that that he or she is is a good because you know just for guys too you gotta you really have to do evaluations these days, man. It's like on the first date, on those first three dates, you got to get to know the person. Don't just be on the phone. Please don't take pictures.

1:14:12Jess Hilarious:Oh, look where he bought me at. Like, look, he took me. Look, y 'all, I'm at Ruth Chris. Like, nah, nah, nah. Really get to know that man, especially if you got children and you come as a package. You are a package. You have to realize. I mean, you have to approach dating as a package. And that's what I didn't do. That's what I learned what a good question is to get to know that man oh like how are you with your were you raised in a two-parent home and it's okay if they if they if they weren't because just because you are raised in a two-parent household don't mean you won't be fucked up I know some fucked up people that had three parents in the house it it don't matter you know it's about what you're taught like morally does this person align with you you know like me and my husband are equally yoked.

1:14:55Jess Hilarious:We read the Bible together. We pray together. He asked me about my faith on the first date. Do you have God? That nigga asked me, was I ever in therapy? I was like, damn, I'm fucked up. Do you think I'm messed up? He was just like, no, I just want to know. This comes from me just dating anybody. So I'm like, oh, damn. So we both have done that. The difference is I got a kid. So I want to make sure you're right. So you have to ask about their parents, how they were raised. If they were raised by grandparents, what did they see? How do they resolve conflict are they still the same person when they're angry because seeing somebody angry you kind of get to see okay do I still feel like you love me when you're angry how do you handle arguments like are you gonna try to hit below the belt so bad where I can't even I can't even come back from some shit you said you know what I mean because you're so busy trying to win the argument like all those things you know you got to evaluate these people man because making your own people that's hard that's really hard you gotta approach that like more careful than you approach marriage because marriages end relationships end contracts end but parenting doesn't you know what I mean that's like a life sentence that you that you you know without the negative connotation like that that's a life sentence that you do you know get to know the person yeah yeah good questions though Jess good questions speaking of questions let's go to our IRL questions in real life Jess when I walk in a room I want people to feel

1:16:40Jess Hilarious:I can relate to her I can relate to her she's funny but Jess is Jess is she's so many different layers she has so many different layers I can relate to her what's the last piece of great advice someone has given you

1:17:00Jess Hilarious:don't accept being canceled because you're not really ever canceled don't accept it as soon as you accept it then that's when you start living that that you're canceled you can't be canceled just a few people made in the comments that don't mean you canceled comedian Nate Jackson one of my one of my good friends, man. Like, yeah. Comedian Nate Jackson told me that. So, yeah. What are your in real life pet peeves or triggers? Oh, my gosh. No, oh, my gosh. Yeah, like, first of all, I don't like, my husband will be so mad. I do not like when, like, I love little cute stuff, him feeding me, but don't blow my food because then that's breath.

1:17:46Jess Hilarious:Like, I do not like when somebody blow their breath on your food. Like, I don't even like doing that to my kids like like oh my gosh like the breath do not blow your breath what do you do on your birthday with everybody i know i don't even i don't even eat the cake especially if the kid like if the kid look back look bad i know their breath stink do not blow your candles out and then think my kids gonna eat this cake because ew you know what i'm saying what is wrong with you i do not know i don't like that though angie it's something about this like oh my god what What happened? I don't like that.

1:18:22Jess Hilarious:Don't blow my food. Yeah, you're so funny. What is your real life superpower? Ooh, resilient. I'm resilient. I bounce back from almost anything. What is something that you are still working on in real life?

1:18:39Hmm.

1:18:41Jess Hilarious:My delivery. My delivery. Oh, that's a great answer. Yeah, I can't change my accent, but I can work on how I deliver things. It can be very intimidating sometimes, you know, and I can say something and people will receive it more harshly because of how I deliver it. Because you can convey the same message, but it's different ways to say it. Yeah, my delivery. What do you pray for most? Hmm.

1:19:17Jess Hilarious:balance healthy balance with me being a wife mom comedian stand-up comedian uh uh radio host now I'm live on Netflix that's the worst thing to do is be live for me child what I'm like damn now if I'm mad I just gotta go in the bathroom you know but wow yeah just finding balance like a healthy balance so I can be everywhere at the same time or try my best to be. And be present, right? And be present. Yeah. Yeah. Balance. How's that going for you? It's going. I don't know how it's going, but it's going. I'm trying. Really trying. What do you still want to accomplish? Like, what is... It doesn't have to be a bucket list thing.

1:20:05Yeah. What's just something that you're still...

1:20:07Jess Hilarious:I want more people to know who I am. like I've been doing this shit since I was well since 2014 it's 11 years like 2015 yeah like 11 years and I still feel like I haven't scratched the surface in stand-up comedy where everybody knows who I am like you know people people know of Jess Alariz people got an idea a lot of people know me but I want way more people to know who I am through my comedy that's why I can't wait to drop my special but it has to be special that's the whole point of a special like and that's where I'm going to introduce who I am I want the world to see that I'm funny as shit talk your shit Jess I'm really funny yo like and I and I give you that 90s raw feel of comedy like comedy is supposed to be limitless and I feel like it can't be a ceiling put on comedy you know and that's the best introduction to me like if all else fails you know breakfast club is gone or whatever is gone this is going to take this away that stage will always be there like for me to to go and stand up and make people laugh like I'm a vacation away from people's work life kids going through something and marriage, friendships fucked up, whatever, like, I can make you laugh about, I can make people laugh about anything.

1:21:38You've always been like that too, huh? Yes, yes. Since a kid.

1:21:41Jess Hilarious:Yeah, since I was like seven. I will say that. My mom told me it was a funeral. My great-great-uncle, it was my mom's great-uncle that passed away and, you know, the week, right? When everybody walking down the line to see who's in the casket and all of that. And I was real cool with this uncle and my mom said, I was like, while she was crying and saying her last words to Uncle Reggie. I looked up, I was like, that Uncle Reggie? Why is he great? Like, that ain't who I saw alive the other day. And I'm like, I was seven and eight? She was like, yes. And I whooped your ass. Because I was crying. That was my favorite uncle.

1:22:18Jess Hilarious:And you made your cousins laugh. And I'm like, we in a goddamn funeral. She whooped my ass. She said, I knew that's when you were going to be funny and courageous. And I was like, damn, at a funeral? shit that's what's up you know what I mean yeah you know cause you know niggas die every day but it's like damn if you can make somebody laugh at a funeral oh you got it you could she must be proud she is she is she still be like you did not have to say that but she be laughing yeah yeah and your son is showing signs of comedy too oh my god yes he a little too real I'm like damn you know what I mean but yeah I'm very excited I'm excited for what for people to know who I am yeah I love that more people to know who I am alright our final question our IRL question you know what it is no what you said you got all excited now I'm just excited to fucking be it it's in the bowl but if people don't pick it I ask it anyway because it's my favorite question if God were to text you you know this question what would it say what would the text say

1:23:35Jess Hilarious:I did not tell you to do that shit don't keep lying on me I did not tell you to do that shit yeah that's what he would literally text me that like a few times out the week yeah I use God for everything like yeah I was like God moved me to no I didn't I didn't tell you to do that. No, don't lie, nigga. Like, I'm telling you. Is that how God talks to you? Yeah. Yeah. I receive it just like that. Yeah. He raised me in Baltimore, and that's how I feel like I've been receiving him. Very Baltimore-ish. Yeah. Yes. Me and God got our own love language. I'll be like, nah, I know I effed up. I fucked up.

1:24:18Jess Hilarious:I know I did. I'm gonna just say it was because of you. For real. He's like, cut it out. Yup. Like, for real. Get your together. Just hilarious in real life. This is just hilarious in real life.

1:24:56that's really what the Sprite Living Tracklist is all about. It's not about the crowning winners or awards. It's about starting conversations, 50 tracks, generations of artists, endless debates, and Sprite didn't just put the lyrics on the cans. No, they went deeper than that. Bringing together hip-hop experts, tastemakers to help unpack the stories and impact behind every track, and I got to host it. Check out the full Sprite Living Tracklist and break down the stories behind Find your favorite bars at livingtracklist.genius.com. This is the Sprite Living Tracklist. Obey your thirst.

1:25:28Jess Hilarious:On the under$3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is$2. Because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just$2 with McValue. Limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. Plans can be a maybe for people with chronic migraine. 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox on a botulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo.

1:26:07Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Botox effects may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as trouble swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Those with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions like rash, breathing problems, dizziness, neck and injection site pain, and headache. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history. muscle or nerve conditions like ALS, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medicines like botulinum toxins, which may increase the risk of serious side effects.

1:26:52Make a plan and ask your doctor about Botox. Visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX. Hey, it's Nora Jones, and my podcast Playing Along is back with more of my favorite musicians. Check out my newest episode with Phineas. So I went home and I asked Billie if she wanted to sing it. She immediately made it her own thing.

1:27:17Jess Hilarious:You really know how to make me cry When you give me those ocean eyes And I'm scared So come hang out with us in the studio and listen to Playing Along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. ..