Angie Martinez IRL - Mary J. Blige On How To Transform Your Life Through Positive Self-Talk

8:55Mary J. Blige:That's where we are.

8:56Angie Martinez:It is the year of the horse, they say. Do you know that? Yeah.

8:59Mary J. Blige:And horses don't look back when they're running. They're not like this. They like this. And that's, you know, whatever it is that was, that was holding me back. I don't have any space in my new house for bullshit. And bullshit is just the way that I thought of myself as inferior. Like people are even saying, why she let me treat her like this? Because she's treating her like this. You see what I'm saying? So I'm not doing that anymore. I like the way I treat myself. I like the way I feel. And I like the way I'm being treated.

9:38Angie Martinez:I feel like this is a perfect time in your life to do this residency. Because when I think about Vegas shows, they're like big and grand and like bright lights. I mean, how is a merry Vegas show going to feel?

9:52Mary J. Blige:It's going to be intimate. And it's going to be big. Really? It's going to be big and bright. but it's 5 ,000 seats that's not arena arena's like 20 ,000 people half of the people you don't even know half of them haters about 5 ,000 of people that really love you and respect you the rest of them are like oh this bitch is she's dope I didn't know that you know they're figuring out who you are so this is gonna be

10:15Angie Martinez:the funny thing is I can imagine you being on stage actually having those conversations in your head the motherfuckers don't even know me right I know you to know to know that you do that

10:24Mary J. Blige:And they be right in the front like the... I was like, what the fuck did you buy a ticket for? Like, I just lost it. What are you here for? Anyway, so... But Vegas won't be like that because you'll have 5 ,000 of your closest fans. Diehard Mary J. Blige fans. And it's going to be lights and bright and fun, but it's going to be intimate, like how Radio City used to be when I used to perform there.

10:51Angie Martinez:That's fire.

10:52Mary J. Blige:Yeah. Yeah.

10:54Angie Martinez:Did you see, have you seen any of the ones? Do you go to, have you been to Vegas residencies? Have you seen other people?

10:59Mary J. Blige:I saw Usher's. It was dope.

11:00Angie Martinez:Usher's was super dope. Definitely one of my favorites.

11:03Mary J. Blige:It was dope.

11:03Angie Martinez:He just catered to his life story.

11:06Mary J. Blige:Yeah. Yeah. He had the strippers there, you know, because Atlanta. Yeah. He got it. The skates. He did it well.

11:11Angie Martinez:It was dope. Yeah. It was really dope. So you're thinking about upgrading to the all new iPhone 17 Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever. but are you also thinking about the traffic on your way to the store or transferring all your data and all the time that takes? Well, the good news is that when you order a brand new phone online with Boost Mobile, they'll send an expert to your home or to your work to deliver your brand new iPhone 17 Pro and get you all set up. Boost Mobile can do that within minutes, no hassle. All you got to do is visit BoostMobile.com to get started. Delivery available for select devices purchased at BoostMobile.com.

11:49Angie Martinez:Terms apply. Are we going to have social? I feel like where Usher did it, it was like every week we were seeing a social clip of, I feel like we should do that for yours too. Okay. We want to see like, I don't know. We have to make, I mean, you're not going to feed dudes cherries. But I'm saying, that was Usher's thing.

12:07Mary J. Blige:The Mary J. Blige show is going to be about what do people love from me? You know what I mean?

12:13Angie Martinez:All right, let's think about this. What do people love from me?

12:15Mary J. Blige:They love the Mary Bop. Yes. The Mary Bop. So we're going to do something with that. We're going to make people famous with the Mary Bop. They're going to be, who wants to do that? It's going to be crazy. It's going to be like that. So what else? I love that. People want to sing the songs with me. People want to wear a boot. And come with your thigh highs. Yes. Come with your thigh highs. Come with your blonde wigs or bobs or whatever it is. Some good shades. Come with some good shades. Hoops. Hoops.

12:47Angie Martinez:good ones. This is going to be a vibe. All right, Las Vegas, we are coming. Yeah, that's it. Have you seen this clip? There's a clip. I don't know, on your birthday, I was scrolling and I saw a clip of, it's you in the studio with an old crew. They were doing a mix and you weren't feeling the way the mix was going. And you were like, yo, stop playing with me.

13:11Mary J. Blige:There's some trickery going on in here. And I don't like, listen to me, what I'm saying. When I sat down here, I know what I'm hearing. And I'm not trying to... That's why we're trying to tell you. Just listen. I'm not trying to start any kind of trouble because I'm a grown-up. I'm not a child.

13:26Angie Martinez:But something was so dope about it because... And I know you. We all know you. Like, how you talk about second-guessing yourself. There was something in that moment where you could see that how much you believed in your gift. And how much you know your gift. And can't nobody in this room tell you about your gift. You were like, no, I hear it. I know what it's supposed to feel like. I don't know. It was just a dope moment of you kind of like standing in your gift. Yeah. And not letting people fuck around with it.

13:57Mary J. Blige:Yeah. I get like that when people are trying to mess with it like that. Cause so that's when I start going crazy. You really weren't crazy. But you know what I mean? Like when I say crazy, that's when I start, you know, like getting a little sharp because you're trying to mess with my head. And I know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm like, I'm not going to go against my intuition. I'm not going to go. My ears are insane. I should have been a producer because I can hear very well. I can hear what mixes are great. I can hear things that people can't hear.

14:27Angie Martinez:But it was the description. You were like, there's something that happens to me when I hear the rough version. That's something that the music does to me that you said something like eat grits to or something like that shit that you eat grits to. Right. And you said, and I feel it and I know the difference. and my fans know the difference. I don't know. It's just such a dope moment of you really defining what makes you special and you not letting people fuck with that. I thought it was really dope to see. Yeah.

14:59Mary J. Blige:Because it is a gift, right? It is. It is. And everybody has their gift, but that's mine. It's like, I know what my fans want to hear.

15:07Angie Martinez:If you had to describe the Mary J. Blige gift, how would you describe it?

15:13Mary J. Blige:It's just I know what I know. and I know what I don't know. I know what I know. I know when this thing starts going off, there's something going on. There's either something good or something bad going on. And when people are trying to trick me, and this goes off, and you're trying to tell me something different, then I'm just starting... I've got to learn to pull back. I don't want to call it crazy, but when I get upset, when people are trying to take advantage of me, I learned how to pull that back. Calm it down. Yeah, and just know what I know and not get excited. But back then, I was fighting for my identity and for my gift.

16:00Mary J. Blige:I was fighting for my gift. I'm not going to let you take my gift away. I'm not going to let you be like, you crazy. I'm not going to let people do that to me. Do you understand what I'm saying? I do, yeah. You crazy. You don't know what you're talking about. I know exactly what I'm talking about. you just trying to get what you want you understand so i was really fighting for it then now just be like i know what i want and that's it and i'm gonna get what i want yeah and that's it you know you're gonna do what i said what my business what my business with people lives i don't try to push anybody to do whatever yeah but with my business i'm gonna get what i want yeah you know and that was my business i was trying to put out an album you know i was going through this thing where Everybody was like, oh, Mary's washed up.

16:43Mary J. Blige:She's this, she's that. So I wanted my album to be great. And I said, this is the one. This is what my fans want. My fans want this color. My fans want this feeling. That's what we want to give them. So that's what I was fighting for, what I know feels good to myself and my fans.

16:58Angie Martinez:It's interesting that you say now, like when we're grownups, it's like when you have the confidence to know. I feel like when we act out, it's because people push us so much and you're like, nah, I'm not fucking crazy. I know. But now when you're so settled into it, you could just be like, I said no. Fuck out of here. That's really the difference, though.

17:22Mary J. Blige:Exactly. Nah. You're going to do this. Period. Period. Not.

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19:57Angie Martinez:You've got Ferrari, which has a long history, design history. And now you're interacting in a kind of digital space. I'm curious how you balance those two traditions. When it comes to fan engagement, it's really digital technology and digital channels are being able to create a deeper connection with our fans. To learn more about how Ferrari and IBM are using technology to build deeper connections with fans, visit ibm.com slash Ferrari.

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22:22Angie Martinez:Then check out ricevinegar.com for more delicious recipes because the food you love is better with Marikon, the world's finest rice vinegar. This is probably, we were talking about swords, the season of swords. Jill Scott is on this last episode of IRL. She said her sword is sharp. It's kind of like what you were talking about, like things that don't work for you anymore, things that no longer make you happy, no longer serve you. What's that story like of yours? The exact same thing, but it's mostly things that I need to get rid of within me.

22:58Mary J. Blige:So before the new year came in, I just felt like I was shedding a lot of residue that insecurities had caused. Just getting rid of the rest of the, you ain't this, you ain't that in my own head. Who is this person? It's you. It's Mary. So I'm shedding old Mary. I wrote this letter to myself. I was like, listen, old Mary, I don't want no parts of you. I don't have any space for you anymore. You're negative.

23:35Mary J. Blige:You're negative. You're insecure. I don't want any parts of you. I love you, but you are not a luxury here anymore. You cannot be here anymore. so um that's me still shedding the actual actual letter like it's in my it's in my phone yeah put dear old mary yes oh i was like i love you but i can't i i can't have you here for this next level i have to move and you're holding me because you're afraid that someone might hurt you that someone might take something yeah people took from you but they will no longer take from me so you out of here i'm leaving you i have to keep shedding you you know so that's what that's where my sword is at like not you know looking at other people and be like well okay that's what who you are but it's not about who you are it's about who i am and what i gotta do for myself so i'll just shed in just just shed in things that that hold me back that's inside of me and that caused me to think of myself as inferior and I'm not inferior I'm loved I'm blessed I'm highly favored I'm humble I keep humility because I don't want to think of myself more highly as I ought because then I'll start treating people bad and looking down on them that's self-awareness

24:59Angie Martinez:that's a sharp sword oh my god self-awareness is the sharpest sword in the land I wish that for everybody self-awareness yeah how can you fix what you don't know is broken exactly yeah how can you fix what you refuse to acknowledge word and that's the long hard look that we take and it

25:20Mary J. Blige:hurts it hurts when we're there but it hurts worse if we stay there it hurts worse when you stack when you stay stagnant when we start moving little by little that skin starts coming off that old skin and you still have residue like right now but it's not as painful now because you know that that's not a luxury that's not a luxury anymore that old snake skin or whatever it's not you understand what i'm saying i do it's not some people get comfortable in the snake skin

25:49Angie Martinez:some people use it as like oh i'm just that way because of this or or they use their past traumas as like an excuse to behave a certain way or an excuse to live their life a certain way because what they come from right and so it's easier for some people to not be self-aware because they just want to sit in the shit that they always been doing but you know what i mean it's yeah it actually is harder to be a better version of yourself because it requires work the fact that you're still writing yourself letters the fact that for however long this is this journey this has been has been going on for you and you've been evolving the fact that you're still waking up in the morning and saying i'm highly favored i'm blessed dear old mary like you are still working on yourself to this day it's like a testament it's harder to do that than it is to just be comfortable in some old shit you don't think so yeah it's hard but but think about when

26:38Mary J. Blige:you was in the old shit wasn't it always something annoying at you like something is wrong but i can't do anything about it right now because i don't know what to do this is what studying and self-help books and good friends to tell you the truth is about they help you unravel but when you don't know what to do you don't know what to do and but once you get the information now you're accountable for it so people get the information and they stay stuck i got the information i was like as soon as i got the information i started to unravel what was your number one information that tdj said sermon what was he said what you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself what you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you.

27:27Mary J. Blige:So imagine you come, oh, I ain't this, I ain't that, I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities. You are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful and whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what? Good morning, gorgeous. Good morning, beautiful. and I didn't even believe it yet, but I just started speaking it. Good morning, beautiful. Good morning, gorgeous. I love you. I need you. God loves you. I don't give the hell with what everybody else has to say. What do you think? And it started to grow. And it started to manifest.

28:12Mary J. Blige:You understand? I do. You know me. And you know if I was still you know what I'm saying? I'd be not. You know what I mean? You would still be trying. I just didn't want to be stuck in that. I don't like to feel insecure. It's not a cool thing. It makes you look ugly. It makes you act whack. It makes you treat other people terribly. So I have to keep working on that. You know?

28:37Angie Martinez:I like what you said, too, about the things you tell yourself. Good morning, girl. Even as you were saying that, how you're favored. I don't know. Lately, I've been realizing I've been saying this a lot. You've probably heard me say this, Britt. And I didn't even realize I was doing it. But I'd say something, and I'd be like, God loves me. or God loves me so much. Yeah. That could even make me like, oof.

28:54Mary J. Blige:Yes, he does. He does love you. And I think that we do ourselves a disservice. We do him a disservice. We spit in his face when we be like, I'm ugly. How dare we?

29:05Angie Martinez:Right. But I think it's whatever the things that I use as, as an example, because it really does feed how you behave. Right. Like, even though the day I was like, there was something going on. I don't remember what it was that day where I was like, I don't know. in in a low i was like this is not a good day this isn't and then something small happened and i was like god loves me so much wow just for that one little thing i'm like oh he loves me so much and it takes the energy away from whatever the negative thing was happening before and so i'm just using that as an example of like one way that what what you tell yourself really shifts the program right i know we hear it it almost sounds cliche how you talk to yourself Because you hear that all the time, but really, what are the words that you say out loud that you really talk to yourself?

29:54Angie Martinez:It really is a big thing. I think people need to be reminded of that sometimes.

29:58Mary J. Blige:100%. This is another way I look at it, Angie. If God created us, right, which he did, and they say he spoke everything into existence. Let there be light. Let there be water. Let there be land. He spoke the universe into existence. And if he's our father, like you have your mother's eyes, your mother's ears, your mother's whatever, why don't we have our father's power? He gave us the authority to speak. The power, life and death is in the power of the tongue. That's all in the word. Think about this. Everything negative that I said about myself, I was living in it. So we, come on, that's wisdom.

30:43Mary J. Blige:And that's what we shed. Now I'm beautiful. I'm healthy. I'm wealthy. I'm a billionaire. I'm a trillionaire. You know what I'm saying? She a billionaire for years. It's going to catch up.

30:53Angie Martinez:It's going to catch up.

30:54Mary J. Blige:I'm a billionaire. I'm love. I'm this. I'm that. Everything positive. I'm on the right path. I'm on the right path.

31:00Angie Martinez:God loves me. He got me. I'm on my way. That's what I've been lately giving myself.

31:05Mary J. Blige:God loves me.

31:06Angie Martinez:That type of thing.

31:07Mary J. Blige:Yes.

31:07Angie Martinez:You know, it's so funny. I just watched Tiana Taylor win the Golden Globe. Yeah. Did you see that? Congrats to her.

31:14Mary J. Blige:She deserves that.

31:15Angie Martinez:So she was here. She came to the pod at an earlier time when she had just done 1001. It was her first film. But she, you know, she'd been through a lot. She was heartbroken by the industry so many times. She was like, I'm going to retire from music. I guess I'm going to try this acting thing. I'm going to really lean into this. And I could just tell she had been knocked down so many times. She'd been at it since she's 15. So to watch her on that stage.

31:35Mary J. Blige:I know, crying like the ugly crawler.

31:38Angie Martinez:It's just, it really is just like a God's timing for everybody.

31:42Mary J. Blige:It's just. When it's your time, when it's your time, it's your time. When it's your time, it's your time. And can't nobody stop it. Can't nobody get in the way. Can't nobody take it away.

31:52Angie Martinez:What is, what is, what is going to be the next? I don't know. What do you have for yourself? What is the thing that you're chasing now? And you think about like.

31:59Mary J. Blige:I'm just chasing peace, like peace of mind. You just want some peace? Chasing this residency, getting it right, getting it up, you know, and popping. I'm definitely going to do some more acting. I would love to win an Oscar one day.

32:14Angie Martinez:Put it in the universe. Manifest it.

32:16Mary J. Blige:I did already. I put it in the universe, you know, just for playing, you know, somebody iconic. You know what I mean?

32:24Angie Martinez:You already know when you're going to play. Yeah, I kind of do.

32:29Angie Martinez:All right. We'll let people guess. But we're going to win an Oscar. What else are we going to manifest?

32:36Mary J. Blige:Tony. A Tony, you want all the things. You want to be an E-God. I want to be an E-God. But if I don't get the Tony, I'm fine. Do you really care about awards? That surprises me. I don't, but I always want it, you know, for the acting, you know. Something. I wanted to see what I can, if I can. I got the nomination.

32:55Angie Martinez:Yeah, it's a big deal.

32:56Mary J. Blige:You know, and that's great. But I would love to win an Oscar. I would love to, oh, I got an Oscar, you know. And if I don't get it, it's fine. but it's something that, you know, why not? It's something to chase. Yeah.

33:10Angie Martinez:It's a fun goal to chase. There you go. But it doesn't make you an unhappy person. It's not a chase. It's not like, oh God, I got to have an Oscar.

33:18Mary J. Blige:I don't really care about it like that. But if I, you know, when I got nominated for the Oscars, I was like, oh my God, I got nominated for Oscar. I said, what if I win it? Then I started to get scared. What if I win it? So, but if I win it, I don't do. if I don't but I would love it though I would love it, something to chase

33:38Angie Martinez:I love that you're still chasing things at this point in your career we read your introduction literally you can do nothing else and you have done enough but the fact that you still have that fire you know what I would like you to address because this pisses me off when I see the memes because you know you be on stage and they act like you don't want to be there they say Mary is unbothered Mary doesn't want to be here let me see those memes you talking about the ones

34:04Mary J. Blige:they're talking about when I be when you be like yeah so let me just let me just say this Mary looked tired she was I was I'm a curse I'm a curse really hard you're gonna need to curse really hard I was fucking exhausted because I was on the 30th show of 40 shows so you actually were tired I was we was in Chicago or something like that I was exhausted I was kind of over everything you were over so they was right I was just tired okay I was tired and I was just kind of, you know, it was the 30th show. So, I mean, I've been working hard all my life. And sometimes you get tired. So for people to be like, oh, she looked tired.

34:44Mary J. Blige:Yeah, I was fucking tired. I was. Fuck you. I was tired. Today I'm not. But they always want to be like, oh, this person looks like they tired. Yo, these women out here in this business are working really, really hard. You know, Beyonce has up 100 shows. So yeah, she's going to be fucking tired on her 50th show. She's going to hug neck, whatever she be doing. It's going to look like she need to stop doing it because she's done it for 50 shows. So everybody shut up with that shit. Yes, sometimes we get tired. But when we rest, we on. That's so funny. I didn't think that was going to be your reaction.

35:20Mary J. Blige:I thought you were going to be like, nah, that was just my swag that day. No, I was tired. And, you know, let me tell you how I try to do it. I was like, I was exhausted. I was like, well, maybe, you know, it's going to look like different.

35:36Mary J. Blige:But it looked like in my mind, it didn't feel like it looked like it looked. And I seen it back. I was like, oh, man. Oh, I guess that's how I really was.

35:49Angie Martinez:You know, that's really funny. I didn't expect you to answer that that way. We do. We all get tired and we work hard. Shit. I thought you were going to be like, no, I'm never tired.

35:58Mary J. Blige:No, I was tired. they caught you y 'all got me exhausted i probably was drinking the night before you know how you try to do that like let me try to get some drinks in yeah and then you have like a probably a light

36:09Angie Martinez:hangover or something you know what you're really good at that we'll be out and you'll be like i'm i'm calling dinner early tonight or i'm not drinking or you don't even say last time i was at loretta's house you almost didn't even come over you were like i gotta get up i gotta get up

36:22Mary J. Blige:tomorrow I'm not coming over right because you're serious about your your shit I am but I when you're on the road sometimes you just got you just need something other than sitting in the bus sitting in the room I can't go nowhere I can't go where everybody else goes yeah fucking nightmare so when I get ready I'm like give me some wine and then I have to you know pay for it you know where I pay for that maybe I had I don't know but I was just beat but you got a lot of energy

36:52Angie Martinez:You take your fucking work seriously and you're back outside. You're about to do a long ass run in Vegas. Yeah. How do you prep for that? Are you like?

37:02Mary J. Blige:Just rest. I'm about to go a little dry, you know, and alcohol for a little bit.

37:08Angie Martinez:Are you going to do that?

37:09Mary J. Blige:I'm going to try.

37:11Angie Martinez:Are you doing dry? You're not doing dry January. No. Maybe dry February.

37:15Mary J. Blige:I'm about to be drinking in January, but maybe dry February, like all the way up to March or something like that.

37:22Angie Martinez:You know what I would like to talk about, too, is that I noticed that whenever our birthdays are around and we always post it, people always like to see friendship, real friendship. Because I think everybody wants that. If you have real friends, you know what it is. So you appreciate it. So when you see other people, you're like, yes, I know a real friendship. Or sometimes people are disappointed by friendships. And then they see real friendships. real friendships and i think that inspires them what do you think is the key to that

37:55Mary J. Blige:what's your real friendships yeah um respect respecting like i'm gonna use you for instance angie if we didn't know you love us we wouldn't think you loved us because you because because when you go zero dog 30 you be like yo where the fuck is she at did you hear everybody you oh, sis, I ain't hear from her either. I'm like, all right, well, we know Angie. We know Angie. That's love and respect for your friend, knowing your friend, and understanding her boundaries. That's how you keep friends for years. You know what I'm saying? We've been friends for years. But every time you go missing, I'm like, Angie hates me.

38:36Mary J. Blige:I'm like, well, she's just being Angie. We love you. So that's keep friendships and not non-judgment and not always trying to tell a person what they need to do. You know, sometimes you got to show your friend you love them and you trust their awareness

38:59Angie Martinez:and, you know, you trust that they're smart not to, and if they choose not to be smart,

39:06Mary J. Blige:you got to be there for that too. So no judgment. and then when it's some time you know when you just slide something in that they really need to hear you know then you slide it in but the non-judgment is what keeps friendships i think

39:22Angie Martinez:that's a real thing too yeah because sometimes any relationships even like man woman relationships

39:28Mary J. Blige:or even friendships sometimes entitlement starts to kick in yeah or like uh you this is what you

39:36Angie Martinez:need to be doing or I got I don't know they're just like a ego and entitlements can sometimes slip into friendships yeah and I think that that's part of it right you want to tell your friend what you think they should be doing because you know better when you're like you don't nobody knows better what the other person has to do in their life because you don't even know what mistakes they need to make to be the version of themselves that they about to be so sometimes you get in the way of people's growths when you try to like over yeah protect

40:03Mary J. Blige:I don't harass any of y 'all because I trust that you guys know who you are. And I love y 'all and I know me. I don't want y 'all over harassing me. No, you don't like that shit.

40:15Angie Martinez:No, I don't.

40:16Mary J. Blige:If I want to do something stupid, I'm going to do something stupid. If I want to do something smart, I'm going to do something smart. But if you do have something for me, I'm going to be able to receive it. And there's an invisible line. I'm not like, oh, that's just Angie. I'm always like, yo, that's my fucking friend. like I'm never too used to you I'm never too used to Lauren I'm never too used to Nikki I'm never too used to anybody close to me like everybody and anybody that I'm around I I respect the invisible line meaning like I always honor you not oh you've been around me for so many years it's just you no the fact that you've been around me it makes me really honor you like I don't want to cross this invisible line and lose you because that's your line you see what i'm saying well we ain't going away you know that i know but i don't want to do that yeah i don't want to ever disrespect you or disrespect anybody i truly love by making them think i'm so full oh that's just i hate me yeah that's just no don't if you got if you're going to treat me like that don't be my friend don't even try oh that's just her stop trying to size me up and figure out when you're going to get used to me enough to try to diss me or say some smart shit to me that's not friendship but we don't do that we stay we stay fresh and we stay fresh and new in our friendship so i should be popping all the time yo you got those shoes sis you know that's lorena yeah she's gonna tell you when

41:48Angie Martinez:to get some shoes yeah but there's there's there's um i recommend to women or to is to really like take those relationships seriously because i think in the up and downs of all our lives that's what you come back to right are those friendships it's like yes even if it's just even like you said you let somebody go do whatever crazy ass shit whatever oh she wants some crazy shit right now and be right here when she yeah we gonna be waiting right here right here but uh through the ups and downs of the life it really is the friendships that that ground you and pick you up when you're down and yeah we get strength from each other yeah for sure i love you for that

42:27Mary J. Blige:I love you too, Ange, for life.

42:29Angie Martinez:For life. But also one of the things about you that people might not know, and as your friend, I know this, you have really a gift of almost like a sixth sense. I'm empath. Is that empathy or is that some type of gift? Because I'll call you on a Tuesday and be like, yeah, I'm having a great day. Yesterday, though, was terrible. You'd be like, I knew it was terrible yesterday. I felt you yesterday. Like you have a sense. It's almost like a sixth sense or, you probably have this with Latonya too, I'd imagine, with your sister, where if something's wrong with her, you can kind of feel it.

43:04Mary J. Blige:Anybody I'm close to, I have it with. Anybody that's been around me for a certain amount of time, I have it with. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it is. I think I just love people and care about them so deeply, the ones that I do, that I can just pick it up. You know, I can pick up when the energy is off. you know you could come and then i could just pick it up period you know i don't know what that is but people call it a sixth sense people call it discernment people call it being an empath whichever one it is you got those got something it's interesting because being an empath comes

43:42Angie Martinez:up a lot too and i think that's an interesting thing to talk about because i am an empath also

43:48Mary J. Blige:Yeah. Yeah. You got it too. Yeah.

43:50Angie Martinez:I do. And sometimes, and I, and I cherish it. I think it's a gift. I'm grateful for it, but also I've learned, um, you cannot be an empath and not have boundaries because what happens is the world will suck you up. Like if you don't have boundaries and in, in friendships and relationships and, or even what you put your energy into, the world will literally suck the life out of you. Devour you. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, guys, support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference?

44:28Angie Martinez:Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University, set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. Hello, hello. This is Malcolm Glaibble from Smart Talks with IBM. Today we're diving into a fascinating conversation with Stefano Pallard, head of fan development for Scuderia Ferrari HP.

45:10Angie Martinez:Your pronunciation is strongly American. It's more Scuderia Ferrari. I'm still working on rolling my R's. But what I was able to learn from Stefano was the importance of engaging the Tifosi, the Ferrari superfans in the digital age. Ferrari fans and superfans want to be part of something, want to belong to something.

45:31Mary J. Blige:So they want to be part of a community and ultimately they want to be part of a winning team. You've got Ferrari, which has a long history, design history.

45:43Angie Martinez:And now you're interacting in a kind of digital space. I'm curious how you balance those two traditions. When it comes to fan engagement, it's really digital technology and digital channels are being able to create a deeper connection with our fans. To learn more about how Ferrari and IBM are using technology to build deeper connections with fans, visit ibm.com slash Ferrari.

46:34Angie Martinez:Apple Vacations.

46:40Angie Martinez:And now, another appliance triumph from your friends at Grand Appliance. Meet Jan. Her fridge died days before a dinner party, but she didn't panic. I just called my guy at Grand Appliance. He recommended a large-capacity GE profile option with fingerprint-resistant stainless steel and a convertible middle drawer. I can optimize for meat, beverages, snacks, or wine. Best of all, it was in stock, and they delivered next day. Another crisis averted by Grand Appliance. Shop grandappliance.com to learn more. Here's another mouthwatering recipe idea from Maricon, the world's finest rice vinegar. Try a Maricon hot chicken sandwich with pickled cucumbers made with chilies, garlic, and the vibrant, zesty flavor of Maricon Genuine Brewed Rice Vinegar.

47:26Angie Martinez:Or go sweet and savory with Maricon Seasoned Gourmet, a flavor bomb for veggies and grilled proteins. Get the green label for Genuine Brood or the orange label for Seasoned Gourmet. Then check out racevinegar.com for more delicious recipes. Because the food you love is better with Marikon. All right, we have some IRLs. This is our IRL bowl with Mary J. Blige. Let me see. In real life. Brought to you by Walden University.

47:54Mary J. Blige:What is something you used to be embarrassed about that you now own? All right. She said, all right. I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I blink and stutter when I'm trying to comprehend something. I blink when I'm trying to comprehend and I stutter when my brain is too far ahead. But I'm not embarrassed anymore. It is what it is. I'm cool with it. I own it. I love that. I never knew that. Well, yeah, I used to be embarrassed, like especially in an interview. and I'd be like, you know, stuttering.

48:36Angie Martinez:When you see the clips, when you see a clip or something.

48:38Mary J. Blige:Yeah, I stutter and then I blink like crazy when I'm trying to comprehend something. Yeah, it's like a nervous energy, right? Yeah, I've seen it in my acting sometimes. I was like, oh, why am I blinking?

48:50Angie Martinez:And you think that's what? What do you think that is? Nervousness or insecurity or what do you think that is? I think it's a little of everything.

48:58Mary J. Blige:Nervousness, insecurity.

49:03Mary J. Blige:and just at the same time trying to understand trying to comprehend what's going on you're insecure about what it is that you have to do and just nervous it's everything all at once

49:19Angie Martinez:that really is the byproduct of you doing the work like love yourself like even that that you

49:23Mary J. Blige:used to be insecure about now you're like yeah it's gonna happen when it happens and that's that's called that you said you just said that loving and embracing all of me the good the bad the ugly all of it it's me but the ones that i have to get rid of is the one i was telling you about like she's just she's dark and crazy and offensive and it's like no she's out of here she's out of here like we're gonna keep working on this one this one's doing great yeah she's thanks angie she's

49:56Angie Martinez:doing so great thank you another segment we have is our voice memos so this is usually like a fan or a listener or somebody from the pod that is is this a fan question is it a question or a comment all right it's called a voice note it's mary j blige comment question this person's name is meg Hi, Meg. Hi, Meg. Hi, Mary. My name's Megan. Big fan. So my question is, as much as we see you dance up there with your boots on, do you think you'll ever have your own boot line one day? And I'm also, I guess you could say younger fan. But thank you for being the soundtrack to my mom's Saturday and Sunday's cleaning or doing chores around the house.

50:45Angie Martinez:made my entire childhood growing up. So thank you for those wonderful memories.

50:50Mary J. Blige:Thank you, Meg. Thank you, Mom. Everybody asks about boots, though. Well, I did a boot line. Well, you did a collab. Quickly with Giuseppe. I mean, you went high. Yeah, and people went low. And a lot of, they sold out on the first night. They sold out. And then after that, people was like, shit, this is too expensive. So I'm definitely going to do an affordable one at some point for the fans. for people.

51:16Angie Martinez:You've done so many things. Earrings and sunglasses and tours and shows. We got a movie now too, right? Lifetime movie.

51:28Mary J. Blige:I have a deal with Lifetime. What is your role in that? Your executive producer? I have a production company that teamed up with Lifetime to do these movies. All the movies are like the names of my songs. So the first one we did was Real Love. The second one was Strength of a Woman. Third one was Family Affair. And now here comes Be Happy. Whoop. Yeah. So that's what's coming now. Be Happy is coming. And it stars Makai Pfeiffer. It's a good cast too. Yeah. Russell Hornsby. Yep. Tisha. Tisha Campbell. Tisha Campbell. Yep. And the movies are pretty wholesome and relatable. Real Love is probably just a cute love story about kids going to college and falling in love, this couple.

52:24Mary J. Blige:And then Strength of a Woman is like a continuation movie. You know, Da Vinci and Adriana from BMF. They're the actors that play in those first three and it goes a continuation. And this one has Be Happy, Tisha, Russell and Makai.

52:47Angie Martinez:Cute. Yeah. That is kind of a light love story, right?

52:50Mary J. Blige:Yeah.

52:52Angie Martinez:That's one of our real life. In real life, where are you at with love? How do you define it? Do you think about it differently than a young Mary did?

53:02Mary J. Blige:Yeah, definitely differently than young Mary. Like, what did you used to think love was? What do you think it is now? Well, love, I used to think love was a consistent feeling. And it's constant effort now. It's effort. And you have to really honor and love and respect the person who was consistent. Because, you know, when you've been with someone for years and they still honor and love you and respect you and have fun with you, that's a blessing. And that's a beautiful thing to have someone love you because that is effort. You know, that act of love. Yes, exactly. The act of love. And that's how I see it.

53:44Mary J. Blige:Even for myself, it's all work. You know, it's effort. Because every day I don't feel like saying, good morning, gorgeous. But I say it because I love myself. So that's where I'm at with love. It's an action. I'm grateful for the effort, the action. Yeah. Yeah. And so. That's interesting. Yeah.

54:03Angie Martinez:So when we were young, it was almost like a, it's like a fantasy word.

54:07Mary J. Blige:What? Love. It was a feeling and infatuation. But when the feeling and infatuation is gone, you left with the person you either love or hate. You know, it's not about sex all the time. It's not about it, But it's about friendship, you know, touching a person when, you know, you just sit and watching a movie or, you know, just little things. It's about being appreciative for the little things. And love is a verb. It's a verb. You have to continue to do it. But you're only going to continue to do it if you love the person.

54:50Angie Martinez:Yourself included.

54:51Mary J. Blige:Yeah. Yeah. I'm in common sense love. Common sense. This makes sense, right? Yeah. It's like either you do or you don't.

54:59Angie Martinez:All right. IRL questions. I always like this. One of my favorite IRL questions. If God were to text you right now, Mary Jane Blige, what would it say today?

55:12Mary J. Blige:Today?

55:13Angie Martinez:Mm-hmm.

55:15Mary J. Blige:He would say I'm proud of you. Oh, I'm about to start crying.

55:19Angie Martinez:I'm not.

55:22Mary J. Blige:He would say, I see you doing the work. I see you trying. I saw who you was. I seen what you've been through. You had every right to be offended. You had every right to be on guard in everything that you was. But I see you doing the work. I see you wanting to be better and not bitter.

55:48Mary J. Blige:That's what he would say to me. And now you got me going.

55:53Angie Martinez:I'm sorry. I was so beautiful. I'm looking right in the crowd. This is fucked up. I was trying not to be the one. Oh, God. Yeah, but those are like tears of joy, man.

56:06Mary J. Blige:Yeah.

56:07Angie Martinez:Those are not sad tears. Those are happy tears.

56:09Mary J. Blige:These are definitely happy tears.

56:10Angie Martinez:I'm sorry. Don't you love happy tears? They're the best tears ever. Only you can do this to me, though. No, that's a good thing. You really, because you've talked it and you've manifested it, but you're like really here. You're really here now. It's amazing to see it. And I think people see it.

56:30Mary J. Blige:I'm sorry. Why are you sorry? I'm just, I'm really happy that you see it because you see me at my worst and nobody talk like me and you talk. You see me come through so much. And the fact that you, cause you're like, you were hard when it was like, all right nigga but now you're like i'm proud of you and thank you for being hard on me in the areas where i needed to be you helped me grow now i'm sorry

57:05Angie Martinez:thank you i love you sweetie thank you so much friendship is two ways guys let that be a lesson because everything we do on this podcast i made this podcast so that the real life experiences that we have yeah as we talk about them and we share them hopefully land for people in their in their real lives and so if nothing else from today's conversation the importance of friendship the importance of of like being honest with yourself being the best version of yourself loving on yourself so you could even have good friends or a good relationship or show up in your job or show up for press the way you've been showing up for press no really i put the tv on your hair you just seem free and happy like that doesn't just happen that doesn't just happen It doesn't.

57:48Mary J. Blige:It takes all that work. You got to fight for it, though. You have to fight for your own peace. Everybody's not going to be what you want them to be. So you can't let that shake your world. You got to stay in your world. Stay in your joy. You can't help the people that are going through their own stuff. That's not your stuff. This is your stuff.

58:09Angie Martinez:The one thing I would like to get to that we didn't get to before is like when we I was looking at that go back to that photo that we started with. When you look at that time and think about all the things you've kind of survived and witnessed and gone through and experienced, what do you think is the thing that just kept you going, that didn't break you, that got you here?

58:33Mary J. Blige:I mean, I'm going to just say it had to be God carrying me to my purpose, you know, because it was a lot of times I felt like I didn't want to live no more. But obviously, God had another plan. And on the other side of that plan was two Oscar nominations. Like, soon as I got the divorce, soon as I got out of that, two Oscar nominations was on the end of that. an Emmy with Dr. Dre at the Super Bowl and a hit TV show, you know, Ghosts. I didn't see any of that coming, but I made it out and I, you know, I had to be, you ever seen that? It's a picture and it's called Footsteps. You ever seen it and it has footsteps in the sand and it's supposed, I guess it's supposed to be Jesus's footsteps carrying you.

59:29So I guess that's what was carrying me was Jesus, because I don't know how else I would have gotten here.

59:39Angie Martinez:Are we just going to have one big old celebration about that in Vegas? Is this going to be like one big old celebration of life and victory? Is it like a victory lap tour? It is.

59:51Mary J. Blige:It's a life story. It'll start with childhood. you know because all the stuff starts when you're when you're a baby shit starts right away like the book the shit the bullshit starts right away people trying to hurt you people trying to hurt your family but as a little kid people you know was always trying to hurt me and my always trying to hurt me we're trying to hurt my mom we're trying to hurt my sister because we were my mom was single parent mother living in the projects and it was just us two us us three little women living in hell so it had to be god because we've been fighting for our lives you know forever yeah and then it got worse when i got in the music business well because you stepped into the world of the demons you've seen that video on deep inside you ever seen the video there's this part in the video deep inside where i said don't judge me or think i'm bitter for the evil gods allow me to see and I co-directed this video and in the video I don't know if you ever seen um the devil's advocate remember when they was taking off their shirts and he was all monsters under the underneath they was showing like the demon eyes and the teeth in the video I did the video like that as I'm walking on the red carpet and people are asking me questions you know like

1:01:13Angie Martinez:the press and I made them look like monsters and demons that's right and I had a yeah my

1:01:22Mary J. Blige:I had a dream one day, like it was before I got in the music business and I was going to this event. And when I got there, everybody turned into like, but it was a big, big, big event. and when I got there everybody turned around and they was like like monsters and demons and shit I said oh so this is I guess this is what the music industry is going to be and that's exactly what it's been

1:01:54Angie Martinez:Has it been fully let?

1:01:56Mary J. Blige:That's the majority of it but far as like people that are close and that are friends you know but the majority of it people you don't know who they are you know you can't tell their other faces are monster faces you know i don't know what y 'all gonna do with all of this i don't want to sound nuts but it's it's true you know that's that's what i face and that's what

1:02:18Angie Martinez:i came out of and made it to the other side yeah i don't see too many demons and shit now because maybe that's that what the maybe that's what that light is about yeah

1:02:29Mary J. Blige:yeah they're not coming around they're not gonna come around because the light is too bright

1:02:36Angie Martinez:that's a bar keep your light keep your light bright guys

1:02:41Mary J. Blige:yeah

1:02:42Angie Martinez:that's God right amen I love you sis I love you too sis thank you

1:02:47Mary J. Blige:my sister Mary J. Blige in real life woo this is Mary J. Blige in real life

1:02:56Angie Martinez:hey guys thanks for watching make sure you subscribe like comment and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez IRL podcast.

1:03:32Angie Martinez:No. Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographjourney. Terms apply. Apple Vacations, where your story starts. Apple Vacations semi-annual sale is here, and it's the perfect time to plan your next beach getaway. Enjoy up to$250 off international and Hawaii vacations, up to$150 off domestic trips and hotel savings up to 70 % off. With instant savings of$300,$500, or even$700, your escape has never been more rewarding. Book by May 28th at applevacations.com or contact your local travel advisor. Vacations, where your story starts. And now, another appliance triumph from your friends at Grand Appliance. Meet Jan.

1:04:15Angie Martinez:Her fridge died days before a dinner party, but she didn't panic. I just called my guy at Grand Appliance. He recommended a large-capacity GE profile option with fingerprint-resistant stainless steel and a convertible middle drawer. I can optimize for meat, beverages, snacks, or wine. Best of all, it was in stock and they delivered next day. Another crisis averted by Grand Appliance. Shop grandappliance.com to learn more. Here's another mouthwatering recipe idea from Maricon, the world's finest rice vinegar. Try a Maricon hot chicken sandwich with pickled cucumbers made with chilies, garlic, and the vibrant, zesty flavor of Maricon genuine brewed rice vinegar.

1:04:54Angie Martinez:Or go sweet and savory with Maricon seasoned gourmet, a flavor bomb for veggies and grilled proteins. Get the green label for Genuine Brood or the orange label for Seasoned Gourmet. Then check out ricevinegar.com for more delicious recipes. Because the food you love is better with Marikon. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.