Angie Martinez IRL - Michelle Buteau: Body Confidence, IVF & No Regrets

41:34Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. health care just got less painful

41:45I don't know what this is a personal thing I don't even know if I need to talk about it but I will share this with you because you just said it to me I just had an experience and now I understand why based on what you just told me I didn't know what was happening to me so I did a documentary like a year ago it was my first directing my first thing and my friend the person I directed was a friend of mine he was telling me about this experience of making this song he made Brooklyn's Finest Jay-Z it was Clark Kent DJ Clark Kent right so I'm working on a documentary with him for like a year directing it and he's telling me about the making of Brooklyn's Finest bringing Jay-Z and Biggie in and the day he did this and the and the um how he tricked them to be in the studio together so I could I actually I'm now realizing what happens to me yeah I took I I had it inside me the store over telling the story so many times that I almost could see it I I can almost be present in the making of it.

42:37So then the other day I'm at the Jay-Z concert and he's playing Brooklyn's Finest. And I could feel something coming up and I'm like, what is this? He's been gone for a little while now. You know, I've cried about it. I've been fine. And so I could feel it coming up and I realized I was seeing it the way I would imagine he would see it because it was like inside of me. Right. And so I was having that feeling. And then Jay says, shout out to a rest in peace, DJ Clark Kent. And he said that and I just like lost it. And I couldn't figure out why. It was just, I was so emotional. I couldn't figure it.

43:12And now you just explained to me what was happening. It's because I ingested something that sits now inside of me. Yes. And then in that moment, it kind of came back up. And so I could only imagine for you in directing an episode about IVF and having all the emotions inside of you already. Yeah. It's like you're re-ingesting it in a way. Yeah. Does that make sense? It does. You're tapping into that. Yes. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. I'd never experienced that before. And I didn't even know that that's what I was experiencing until you just explained it to me. And I didn't know until it happened to me.

43:51So why did you decide? Was it just because you know you had been through that and decided to direct that specific episode? well we were telling the story about IVF and out you know and we were trying to like figure out timeline and what is useful and serves the story and what's important and honoring the story and one day like like months in months in like we have good stories already like lined up I I just told everyone like my writer my writer's room I'm like it can't just all be good it can't just all be like shots it's not that like some heavy shit goes on you know um your eggs aren't viable you don't have a heartbeat you are um completely in like just insanely anxious for each appointment because you're just waiting for bad news you know so I'm like there's got to be some of that in there in order for it to feel like a real story and I'm like I realize we're doing a comedy okay it will be funny but the funny will be the relief the release you feel after putting your body through that and I and I did so much of it for so long and still maintained to have like a career as happy clown so I'm like let's just do it we can do it we just have to figure it out and so we cracked the we cracked the code i can't believe we did it but everybody was like really cool and vulnerable and willing to share and like even like put in other people's stories and like figure out how we can like just mine the material to have it make sense but ultimately it was the things that i went through and I thought nobody else could direct me but me especially through this process because even if somebody had four losses in five years and hundreds of thousands of dollars spent their experience will be different than mine so I chose the hot seat and I'm glad I and I'm glad I did because now I know um I already knew I could do hard things but like other hard things you know And now I know I can go on a set and direct someone because I know what I needed for myself and I was able to do that.

46:24And yeah, I would love to do that for someone who would need that. yeah what do you say to somebody who's about to go on an ivf journey or somebody maybe that's supporting someone who is in the midst of that yeah like what what should we know i mean um if you are going through an ivf journey or about to go through one um my friend jordan carlos told me this uh when my surrogate was pregnant and it was like still high risk and all this stuff and he goes you know michelle sometimes you can have a happy ending and so i really held on to that because the happy ending might not look like how you want it to be but it's still good so hold on to the positive parts you know um and for someone who knows someone going through it i mean all you have to do is show up and say you okay are you okay i'm here for you you don't have to like explain or fix or overstand or like have an article or a link and tell them what they should and shouldn't be doing eat less of this more of that you don't have to do you don't have to do that shit you don't have to be dr oz he ain't even a doctor oh no oh no she said what she said what i said it was funny right um but yeah just be there are you okay can i take you out for a sandwich that's it were there days you were not okay 100 100 i have never experienced that so i don't i could understand you but not i don't you know i don't know what that process is like so it's a shit show because you're made to feel guilty for having a family in this alternative way that is not supported by health care.

48:25It is a little bit better now, but the fact that we don't have access to IVF in the way that we should, we don't have access to like basic health care. The fact that we don't even have access to like, like the most basic human needs is just like so insane to me, but then a lot of people don't know about it. And so there's like conversations that you can't have because then you're going to have to explain stuff to someone that you don't fully know how to explain and they can't take in. You know, there's already shame in saying that you want a kid or that you don't want a kid, you know, instead of just like, whatever you want, I want that for you, you know?

49:01Right. The basics. The basics. And then it's just like, you're too old or you're too young or you should lose weight. You should like not work as much. And, you know, and then there's like the, the feelings of shooting yourself up with hormones and not realizing that like you're doing a fun scene with um is it gina rodriguez is that her name yeah yes right yes yeah jane the virgin yes yeah i did a movie with her i was in a scene with her uh i don't remember the name of the movie it was hilarious how do you do a movie and don't remember the name that's fascinating i know i had fun because you've done so much look as long as the check goes through just another day did you like it perfect but um it was supposed to be one scene like four lines and then we ended up improv-ing this whole thing i was hopped up in hormones i think i was like probably experiencing miscarriage at the time and at one point like her boyfriend breaks up with her i start crying because the hormones are there but the jokes are there too and then she starts reacting to me crying i'm like why he break up with you with them big ass teeth chomping on his date why he don't want that and she's like girl what and i was like girl bye and we had a time but like there's also like leaving that set feeling nuts like what just happened what just happened that's how i felt at the jay-z concert really yeah because i was crying in this i'm in the i'm with the terror squad in the booth in the vip suite and everybody's just drinking Doucet and Ace of Spades and having a good time with the Jay-Z concert.

50:35And I'm like crying. It was terrible. But it's emotional. I know. You made me cry now. And it's history. Yeah. You know? And it's like also like, it's also remembering of like what that time was. Like that was a good time. You know? For sure. So that's how you felt when you left the set. would you know you were like what was going on with me yeah like i remember like my husband made a sandwich and he left crumbs on the on the kitchen counter and i started crying i was like i can't live like this i might need a divorce i'm like you don't think about me you don't and he was like or is it the hormones i'm like oh i like him so much yeah what a good guy he's a pretty good guy that's pretty good i know did he say it that calmly yeah he did yeah he did my type of person well he's a virgo so these earth signs be keeping me that's so good that's so good yeah you said something before what did you call it the comic oh what did you call it i don't know you called it a comic uh what you do it's like you just said it like a couple minutes ago god I should have wrote it down.

51:54Oh my God. What did I say? Don't get me started. It was like the comic face or the comic. I don't remember. This is why I don't remember what movies I've done. Are you like possessed? Like you just say things? Yes. I don't remember what movies I'm in. It gave me a sense that you had an idea about like how comedy you people use comedy as like a shield. It's like a. Oh, like to be guarded. No, like to cover up like you're being funny. Oh, did I misread? Something you said totally? I don't know. I really do be forgetting stuff like two weeks ago. Just be forgetting because we're forgetting. Do you ever drive and be like, The two of us together?

52:30You don't even know what you said. I can't remember the question. Menopausal bitches do the best. We're crying. We're over here crying over shit. This is stupid. This is so dumb. I know. Thank God I wore an adult typo. How are you doing with age? You know what? Because you're about to be what? 49 49 I think I'm doing okay you know my body's just like I hope this person doesn't like this chair because you about to sneeze and ruin it but other than that like I don't remember most things like where I just was and what I just said but other than that but I do feel the need to like be as healthy as possible I think something happens when you're an older parent like my kids are seven and I want them to get older, but the happy place is like, I don't want to get older.

53:22I don't want to get older to like hold on to youth or whatever. I just want to be there for them all the time. So that's like the main thing about aging that I'm like anxious about. I just want to be there for the health of it all. Yeah. I want to be there for them. I want to know how their day was and smell them and hold them and just have them tell me whatever story they want to tell me or just completely ignore me in a room and I'm fine with that. are you obsessed with your children i'm upset yeah i might be like i'm yeah whatever you think of like neurodivergent people doing that's how i am with my kids i'm like oh like i just oh i love to clean their ears and clip their toenails and braid their hair they're so great do you i wonder sometimes like my girlfriend adrian you know adrian holen she used to be on the reel yeah she also had IVF and then wound up having a surrogate.

54:12Oh, the way she loves on her son. Yeah. It's because she wanted, I mean, she's, she's just a good soul. She, you know, she would probably been a great mother anyway, but something about wanting children and working so hard to be a mother. Yeah. The way motherhood hits, I think it's a little different. Not to say all mothers. I love my kids to death too, but I'm just saying I noticed in friends who have really had a difficult time getting there yeah that you experience your kids in it I don't know I think you do I think that's right I think there's like um there was a thing that happened when I first brought them home or like not even brought them home but like out in public where I didn't know because everyone wants to know your birth story like right away twins had it and you're like it's very jarring because it's like do you tell people your story um it felt like it could have gone into imposter syndrome for a minute because I'm like these are my kids but but again because of who I am and I have to remind myself of how I live being in a new situation now in my life in a new chapter this is who I am this is what happens and I realized sharing my truth not only will educate but also probably help someone being their truth so I'm just like this is what it is and this is how they came to be.

55:35But there was a moment too, where I was like, am I doing the most at motherhood because I didn't carry them? And now that there's seven and I'm still running myself, ragged. Doing the most. Doing the most. I'm like, oh, this is who I am. It's just like, sometimes I just like to make sweet potato waffles from scratch when I got to be somewhere at 8 a.m. and I'll wake up at 6 a.m. to do it. This is who I am! I want to make sure they eat good. But just know that that might change. They're 7, but when they're 16, you might not be in that phase of life. You might be like... What's the math? When they're 16, how old am I?

56:15What are you, in 9 years? You're going to be 58? No. Yeah, 58. 57, 58? I'll be on my, like, Holly Berry shit, and I have to, like, use, like, a spray to still get wet. and um i'll be bougie and bralas and a caftan you know getting my hair wet jumping off a boats like beyonce and or gabrielle union and i'll have like a really nice skincare line you know what i mean i think my feet will still be fucked up just you know your vision for yourself is so clear thank you so much yeah i just want soft feet you know what i mean that's all i don't even need a soft life any soft feet and a wet vagina and a wet vagina soft feet you know hard money wet pussy soft life you okay?

57:00you have cracked the code you have cracked the code I love that love when you're just when you wanna fuck when you're like it's like when I give my mom like a piece of sushi she's like you like it I love it sis

57:16Michelle Buteau. Michelle Buteau. Michelle Buteau. That's it. That's what I want for myself. How about that Halle Berry, huh? How about it? How about if you don't say it because you talked about the ointments and stuff, but she also has a gadget that is some type of red light. Have you seen this? For the puss? Yes. I don't know if I need, do I need it? I'm not saying you need it. I'm fascinated. Oh, okay. What if you were saying I need it? That's... I heard. So I heard. By the way, we have IRL gifts. I just feel like, so like we don't get a lot of oxygen down there. So I guess the red light. What do you mean?

57:54What do you mean? What? What?

57:59What is wrong with us? It doesn't get aired out a lot. Okay. So I'm sure the red light makes it feel like it's got some warmth on there. Is that clinical? Look, I'm no doctor. He does talk to us, but I will say, I don't even play one on TV. Although I did play orthopedic surgeon. Did you? I did in First Wives Club. I learned how to spell orthopedic. Like, what are we doing? Like, what are we doing? It was probably in the script. It was BT+. It was BT+. Oh, probably not. Shout out. Hope you have your password.

58:32On the under$3 menu at McDonald's, the sausage burrito is$2. So dip, drizzle, or douse to your heart's desire. Because no matter how you sauce your sausage burrito, it's still just$2 with McValue. Limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. Reese Witherspoon here, checking into my favorite hotel in Paris. Bonjour. Bonjour. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo autographed journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases.

59:07Phew, that was a lot. I need to lie down. Is the room ready? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autograph journey. Terms apply. This is Charity Lawson from Bachelor Happy Hour. Charity, I was thinking about this the other day. What's something that you'll always say yes to? That's easy. Seeing my friends, last minute girls trip, basically making memories you'll talk about for years. Same. And somehow every one of these memories comes with something to plan. That's so true. That's why Klarna stands out. It's about smarter tools that help you manage your money without taking away from the moments that matter.

59:43Exactly. With flexible ways to pay, cash back that builds automatically, and everything in one place, Klarna helps you feel more confident making everyday money decisions. Because when you have the right tools, everything feels more manageable. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to California Finance Law License, NMLS, number 1353190. Clarina Balance account required to be eligible for cashback points. Limitations, terms, and conditions apply. Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts. Why did I search the internet for answers to my cold sore problem?

1:00:19Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that. Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Healthcare just got less painful. Can I have some more water? You can. We have an unlimited supply of water here. You guys got the good budget. We do. We have water and uncrustables. Women that sunbathe, they'll go outside. Yeah, you have to. What? Damn, like sunbathe. The red light for your pussy is because there's no sun down there, right? Is that right?

1:01:03I don't know. Yeah. No, no. Can you fact chat? It's important to fact chat. She's an esthetician. No, serious. Can somebody chat GPT it? No. So it stimulates mitochondria. It stimulates. Who's mitochondria? Mitochondria. What? Which? Do you see? Thank you. What's this avatar? Thank you so much. Anaconda of your vagina gets awoken. It stimulates your anaconda. It stimulates. I'm so sorry. No, you've opened so many questions. I have so many follow-up questions about oxygen and do we get enough oxygen? Brittany says there are women who sunbathe with their legs open. Well, if you have like discoloration down there, like sometimes it gets a little purple or like dark brown or black is because it doesn't get enough sun.

1:01:56Oh, this is something I've never considered. Yeah, I know. I've learned so much from you today. Thank you. Thank you. I could talk. I could just talk about bodies all day long. Really? It's fascinating. And we don't know anything about our body until something goes wrong. Oh, my God. We know more about our car than our bodies. And our bodies are like fucking amazing. So that's why I'm just like celebrate. And also, no, no, it's powerful. Yes. You know, are you like a naked person? Like, do you enjoy being naked? You got it. You are her. You got it. You picked it up right away. So did Raj, your camera guy.

1:02:30He's like a bitch. we're the naked family are you sunbathing your vagina for oxygen purposes no no i mean no not with all the fruit flies and stuff just kidding but like

1:02:46i will i will never unsee that i'm so sorry but um yeah i just like to be free if i would ever consider that now you've put fruit flies into the equation i'm so sorry i was doing bevy smith's um podcast in bed and it was in Miami and there were fruit flies down there and I was like I'm sorry and she's like it's the nectar darling it's a sweet nectar and I was like thanks bevy wow what hype woman but anyway um yeah I like to be a little freak because you know what it is too I always had to like like I've had this body it was bigger when I was like 11 or 12 and so I always how to like be under a male gaze, like stand up straight, not too straight, wear a bra, you know, do this, do that, like button down shirt, button down shirts in Catholic school my whole life.

1:03:36And now I'm like, I'm free. I'm just free to be who I want, how I want. And this is how I'm comfortable. I still put on clothes when people come over. You put them only when people come over? Yes. And when they're not there, it's off. It's off, you know? And the one rule in my house is like, we have to wear clothes at the dinner table. Like, we can't all Winnie the Pooh it at dinner. Have we? Lunch? You know. Yes, lunch. What kind of question is that? Such. Wait, ask. What are the questions? You have all the cards. It was on the card. I wanted to know if you wore clothing for lunch. Really? Yes.

1:04:14No, it's not. Why would that be in the cards? Why would I even know that we were going to go here? You're a great interviewer. This whole conversation is unexpected. It's taken so many unexpected turns. just like the jersey turnpike she is a jersey girl that's right we did have a jersey card that we didn't get to today oh my goodness what is it I don't know it's just your background and you come from where you come from growing up in jersey and you have your parents are Jamaican and Haitian which is amazing because isn't there like there's always a something a something right because it's like Puerto Ricans and Dominicans and Jamaican and Haitian it's more like Haitians than Dominicans huh it's Haitian Dominicans but yeah Haitians and Jamaicans too I grew up with a lot of Jamaicans I always felt like yeah one thinks they're better than the other always yeah you know Cuba it's all Colombia Venezuela it's all but you know same the same at the end of the day we're all just like beautiful souls trying to figure out how to do life word you know yeah but that's a lot of Caribbean it's a lot of Caribbean in the home it is how how is that navigating your choices like who i want to date what i want to look like what i want to do for a career right any old school haitian jamaican ideas that kind of went against any of that or are your parents pretty liberal and modern what a great question um i feel like i feel like they were they were strict they were religious they were conservative but they also weren't like their our families are so big that everybody was sort of like making the right and the wrong choices so by the time it got to me and they realized i was who i was they're like just be a good person don't get pregnant in high school just you know what i mean they're like because i was always like in a small class i didn't even realize i was like dyslexic to later in life and and you know probably have ADD hello and um so they were just like just be a good person uh we want the best for you but you know and I feel like by the time they got to me they were like it's not gonna be a doctor it's not gonna be a lawyer she can't remember anything um did they think you were funny yeah or was it always taken well no no no my funny to them sometimes was just like very American but my funny to my friends was like very Caribbean so that's the great thing about being first generation born like you're just you really do have the best of both worlds and so while when we went to Jamaica it was like be free be you um be proud of your body while we were in America it's like you know again straighten your hair like iron your like you know you have to like go along to get along assimilate um you don't have to tell everybody where your parents are from you know we're from here and so you know now realizing how my dad was about being Haitian coming here in the 60s and what's going on with ICE i realize why he was the way he was you know what do you mean like careful or trying to blend the trying to assimilate or yeah like not giving people too much information about you that they could hold against you you know um not yeah not being as like free in spaces as you could have been because of the government i always thought he was paranoid but this is the time he was talking about it's like he knew yeah yeah yeah um fascinating right yeah but i wouldn't change it for the like i wouldn't change it for the world yeah i mean because good food in your house my god oh very my dad was a cook he was he was a cook yeah yeah and i'm looking at my kids now like they can't even make a sandwich i'm like i was cutting chicken up when i was when i was their age when i was seven yeah i was laying my clothes out at five making my breakfast it's a the subway at seven by myself like a crazy child and i can't even imagine yet does that make my mother sound like a bad parent no well because we all were we were going to school so i was on the bus on the train in the bus or walking yeah well maybe eight i was eight when i used to go by myself look at that and we're so independent meanwhile i'm like chasing my kids around with a water bottle what am i doing can i take a sip of water hydration station you were like you were doing connections are you can you really giving people directions i had to sit in the near the conductor that was my one oh that was my one direction sit near the conductor in case anything goes wrong right huh no i would i would sit next to the conductor i would feel safe i would think the conductor who didn't know me but i just oh wow it was like fake security yeah he didn't know yeah you know the conductors never know but when you were young that's what our parents used to say yeah you're from jersey so probably different than being in the city right like yeah be like Like sit near the conductor.

1:09:25I did the city. I did the city. I did Long Island. I did a lot of, it was growing up in Jersey was like, you know, it was dope. I wish it was less aggressive. You know what I mean? Because by the time I went to college in Miami, I'm like, who are we fighting tonight? And everyone's like, nobody. Calm down, bitch. Yeah, bitch. It's nice outside. This is a new sequined shirt. Stop. I'm like, we ain't fighting nobody. So I'm so like, you know, I'm thankful for a lot of things. But I was like, no way I used to fight that much. We had to get to our IRL questions. but I have to answer it. No way before we do I just have to ask you this.

1:09:57Are you are you disappointed that maybe people didn't show up numbers wise the way they should have for this part for for the show? That's a really good question because it's it's a bigger question about society. What do you mean? It's why are we not showing up for women women of color queer people, fat people, brown and black people. It isn't just showing up for my comedy show. It's showing up for people trying to get their papers in order for ICE or like, you know, for immigration and still being detained and sometimes killed by ICE. Do you know what I mean? It's showing up for marginalized communities.

1:10:42And so what do I expect? What did I expect? it's really hard to crack you know the code that's why you have to celebrate the quintas and everybody else because it's really hard because i and i'm saying this as the most positive person i was like you're the glasses half full girl i am but i also have to be realistic in in what society that these uh norms tell us and show us we have to show up for we have to show up for each other and we have to respect each other but like there's so many levels of like disrespect on just even comedy and female comedy there's a reason why you're never going to see best picture at the oscars that's not only a comedy but you know probably with a bunch of black people unless it's like pain porn there's like there's just a bigger picture that doesn't have to do with me but i'm just going to do my best to do what i do and so do i wish the numbers were like astronomical just so i could say to like you know capitalism essentially look at this it matters we matter and now you can see because of the money yes but the truth of the matter is a lot of people probably can't afford these platforms or they just don't know about it because they're working or it doesn't show up in their algorithm because that doesn't serve the advertising because everyone's like who's this show for if people don't need there's i I remember GLAAD came to set for Peppermint's Wedding episode in season two and shared some wild facts about trans people.

1:12:20And one of them was people in America, most people believe that they've seen a ghost before a trans person.

1:12:30So, yes. So all this to say, the bigger picture is what we're saying about us. you know the respect and and um the support we get as marginalized communities like essentially so um wow yeah i don't remember the question at this point i really went an awful one or were you disappointed that oh yes that people didn't show up in a bigger way but i feel yeah and i feel like the people that needed it did show up like i can't you can't compete with like people who literally are pouring their hearts out in dms messages and letters to you of how this show say not only saved them but like changed how they saw themselves and people in the world so i'm like oh job well done bitch you did it you know what i mean yeah good for you and we had a good time all set and we didn't trauma bond yeah you know everybody i know everybody told their therapists they had a good time okay i mean we didn't have any avocados but other than that the guacamole out of that government tub did us well well done then thank you so much well then very well done well look here so that now that you're moving forward i know you're taking a break right now a little break you said that well i'm taking like a mental like well not not a break this is what you said to me i know but not like a break where like don't call me i'm not available all right call me i'm available you just don't have something set up right yet you're not like i gotta But maybe you got a little seeds.

1:14:03Okay, you got seeds. But yes, I'm not like... I just wonder if you go into it differently based on where this landed in the world. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's exciting. Yeah. You know, I wrote a couple of things and I'm trying to see where they go. But like, you know... I can't wait to see. Me too. Like, I don't... And I hope everybody shows up the way they're supposed to for it. Thank you. I mean, August 21st, I don't know when this airs. Yeah. August 21st, I have a movie coming out called Spa Weekend with Leslie Mann, Anna Faris, and Isla Fisher. And that's really fun because it is giving Mount Rushmore comedy!

1:14:47Is there a reason that you say comedy so aggressively? So people know I'm serious!

1:14:59oh my god wait were those the questions those were most of the those are my IRL questions haven't even begun the IRL questions hey guys you ever sign up for a phone plan thinking wow what a great price and then a few months later it's like surprise your bill is higher we hate that with boost mobile you pay$25 a month forever that's unlimited talk text and data starting at just$25 a month. There's no price hikes, there's no contract, and this is forever. Plus, Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide 5G network. They invested billions building 5G towers across the country. So what you need to do is visit boostmobile.com or head to your local Boost store today and get unlimited talk, text, and data for$25 a month forever.

1:15:465G speeds not available in all areas. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay $25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. On the under$3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is$2. Because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just$2 with McValue. Limit time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. Reese Witherspoon here, checking into my favorite hotel in Paris. Bonjour. Bonjour. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo autograph journey card. So I earn rewards wherever I book travel.

1:16:25Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Phew, that was a lot. I need to lie down. Is the room ready? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autograph journey. Terms apply. This is Charity Lawson from Bachelor Happy Hour. Charity, I was thinking about this the other day. What's something that you'll always say yes to? That's easy. Seeing my friends, last minute girls trip, basically making memories you'll talk about for years. Same. And somehow every one of these memories comes with something to plan. That's so true.

1:17:02That's why Klarna stands out. It's about smarter tools that help you manage your money without taking away from the moments that matter. Exactly. With flexible ways to pay, cash back that builds automatically, and everything in one place, Klarna helps you feel more confident making everyday money decisions. Because when you have the right tools, everything feels more manageable. Download the Klarna app today or visit Klarna.com to learn more. California resident loans made or arranged pursuant to California Finance Law License, NMLS number 1353190. Klarna balance account required to be eligible for cashback points, limitations, terms, and conditions apply.

1:17:36Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts. Why did I search the internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that. Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care, fast. Healthcare just got less painful.

1:18:10Well, first, we have a voice note. This is presented by Boost Mobile. It's a segment where somebody calls in or sends a message or I don't know what it is. Sometimes it's a comment. Sometimes it's a question. What do we got for Michelle today? What's your name? Where are you calling from? Hey, Michelle. So Fat Girls, the movie with Monique was such a rare example of a plus size black woman getting to be funny, romantic and fully realized on screen. Survival of the Thickest feels like it's building on that legacy. Was Monique or that film an inspiration for you at all? Oh, my God. I want to say yes, but no.

1:18:45I want to say yes, but no. It wasn't like Monique is like Monique is always like. She's in the zeitgeist for me, for sure. And it wasn't just that movie like Monique is that bitch, you know, like the talk show, the movies, the stand up specials, the multi hyphenate, the loving yourself no matter what. So it wasn't necessarily that movie. It was just Monique. Like, in fact, like the Mo, the M-O apostrophe, because there's more of her. Like, I put that in the show, like moment. That's like episode one, season one. You know, when Khalil asked Mavis, don't you always say thick girls are having a moment?

1:19:24She's like moment, like M-O apostrophe, you know. So, yes, in that part. Yes, that, you know. Yes, Monique there. But no, not necessarily. I'm sorry. you don't have to apologize for your truth that's what i don't never mind you took that move you told us that today all right now we have an irl bowl okay go into the bowl oh with some meaningful in real life questions oh my god uh so pick a question oh look at y 'all be printing stuff and cutting it up yeah we have a craft we have a little arts craft department oh my god oh reddy if you could instantly master any skill what would it be um queefing okay see who do you think that's right can't if like what would what would mastering that entail good question i don't know oh that but if you were mastering it you would know i guess it's like direction of air oh like like target targeting maybe carry on next question thank you if god were to text you right now what would it say it text oh okay that's my favorite question really it seems light but try to answer it and see what happens for you if you got a text message from god yeah what would it say to you it would say something along the lines of keep going you're doing the right thing that's pretty good i think it's pretty good too that's often what she tells me what's something you used to be embarrassed about that you own now oh my goodness my body for sure were you i thought you were never i thought you were always no no you're not born that way you just yeah i mean i guess i don't think we're born with insecurities but people put them on you and i'm like this is weird i thought i was doing good and i was like oh i guess i'm i i never saw myself in magazines or tv like so i didn't know and so i would cover up and be like, I guess I'm not doing this.

1:21:29But man, the moment I found like a holter top or a tank top or like a thing or, you know, when I just started to do me a little bit more, I'm like, this is good. Why would it be anything else? You know, and also like getting out of my mind of like, am I not thin enough for him to be with me? That sucked. But the minute I was like, you're welcome to this body because it's amazing orgasm who knew this is great i know i'm just gonna do like a couple more every woman no matter the size yeah because if it's not weight it's the your hips or your body proportion or you're too short yeah i think there's all types of insecurities that do the same thing yes it's not even about the specific insecurity it's just the insecurities yes that put on us that are put on us that make us not enjoy life it is a form of control oh oh that's good it is a form of control designed yes yes and it and it goes back and it's like also biblical like it's a form of control and um dare i say mental abuse because what would it actually look like if everyone actually loved themselves and they were enough?

1:22:47Equality. That's what would happen. Yeah. They don't want that. Not at all. Because then you got to pay me what you owe me. What's one thing you hope never changes about you? Oh my God. I don't know. What do you think? What do I hope nothing that doesn't change about you? Yes. Okay. Yes. Are you done with the ball? you bored now with the bowl no no i keep going with the bowl what do i hope never changes about you yes your glasses have fullness but also the joy that you wrap that up in yeah for everyone else yes is that a good answer that's a very good answer you're so pretty stop you're so pretty when she did the show we were saying that about you oh that's so nice thank you but like oh that's really sweet when i did her show yes you didn't say it about me you only said about her

1:23:47these are great questions i we should what is the fear that you are actively working through that's a good one yeah because you present yeah as fearless wow really i just told you I was so scared of spiders, like, right before we saw it. Yeah, but that's not the same thing. It's not? No, you're not scared of spiders that's going to stop you from living your life. That's true, but I don't go camping. Well, then, so maybe slightly living your life if you wanted to camp. Yeah. But you present as fearless. Yeah. So are there fears that you've had to overcome to be able to be the person that you are?

1:24:29Yes, yes, yes. Yes, but the inevitable is my ultimate fear, which is death.

1:24:43Sorry. No, wait. Stop. Stop there. Oh.

1:24:49This is a really good ball. You shouldn't have some money in here. I know. Usually people just pick one. They do? You're like a glutton for that. I wasn't going to have questions. I wasn't going to stop you. I didn't even go to Orchard. No, I wasn't going to stop you. it's just that you were so good i didn't want to stop you oh my god that could be the last one but but that could be the last one but yeah we ended death we ended death but it's not death it's fear of death yeah because there's also fear of losing people oh so that your fear of death is other people dying not you dying both yes okay there's levels to this there is because i have people who think about it all the time i know people who think about it all the time and then some people who don't fear it at all at all yeah usually the people who have come really close to it don't really fear it um as much yeah um i don't know where do you sit i know the first you know what this podcast was called when we first launched the pod it was called um we're all gonna die so we better start living would you have would you have come to the show if that was the name of it.

1:26:01I'll come to any show you do. Oh, Michelle. Yeah. Come on. But it was called that because I had a lot of loss at that time. I was in a really bad car. I saw all these things and then I realized we're all going to die. Like, what do I really want to do? What do I really care about? Knowing that our time here is limited. What's important to me? And so that was the concept of it. But I realized that would scare some people off. So we went to in real life. Like, what do we care about in real life? And so we landed at in real life. But I'm very interested in the subject because I do think it, our fear of it sometimes, I don't know, it controls how we live and what we do at the time we have.

1:26:40Sometimes we get scared to do certain things because we live in fear or worry or concern. I don't know. I just wonder where it lands for you. Motality. Yeah, no, I'm definitely fearless because it's coming. you know and so so and that's why i started stand-up because after 9 11 i'm like oh we might die so we better start living oh that's right so you were fueled by that too i did hear that yeah so like 11 yeah and my dad has had dementia for a long time and he's sort of like wasting away and so it's like this prolonged goodbye but also like a prolonged like i still have you like it's just a very and then you know people that are very close to me that have cancer it's uh it's death that's the one thing that we can't control that we can't control fucking sucks it fucking sucks and i want them here yeah and i want them here yeah yeah i have two friends dealing with parents with dementia right now what a challenging kind of roller coaster very yeah very but but to your point there's some type of collateral beauty like in appreciating yeah the moments yeah it's almost like i get to take care of my dad now

1:28:11um but it's also like the thing where like i know he wouldn't have wanted this but i'm looking at him and he's so happy but then he's also like you know not it's just it is a very fucked up confusing thing where you just truly it humanizes every and anything you can ever be with do you I mean and uh like even my kids when I show them pictures like of them with my dad three years ago they're like who's that guy I'm like that is your grandfather playing with you the scary guy in in the bed and I'm like he's not scary oh you know that's tough it is tough yeah and so um yeah it's just yeah death that's this is a shitty way to end the conversation it's pretty great you think so I don't think so.

1:29:03We had such a, like, bright, happy conversation. We can't land it on a set. No? I don't think so. Go back in the bowl. Damn it, go back in the bowl. Back in the bowl and go, bitch. Find the better question. What are some of your pet peeves or triggers? Oh. How much time we got? Tell me those before you go. I mean, I think, I mean, adults that act like children, do you need a pillow on a fucking plane? You don't. Do you need to complain about your food allergy? No. Fucking be an adult person. Order what the fuck you got to order. And don't tell me about your gas. At dinner. At dinner. Stop trying to put pet peeve when somebody like wants to yuck your yum.

1:29:54When they do the yeah, but get the fuck out of here. With your yeah, but. Talk to your mom about that bullshit. Somebody who yucks your yum? Don't yuck my yum. Ever. Ever. This is my yummy moment. Is your husband good at that? Not yucking your yum? No, he's a Virgo. He's born to yuck. Oh, really? I thought that was going to be the key to finding the right person for you. You know, it's so funny. It's so funny because he has to think about everything he does and read the comments. and, you know, not the comments. What is it called when people leave reviews about something? He has to be very organized in his thought process.

1:30:35I'm like, or we could do it and then fuck up and learn from our mistake. I love fucking up and learning from my mistake. Oh, it's my most favorite thing. What's your moon? My moon? Is it a fire? I don't know. Should I know? You should know. How do I find out? Ask somebody. Ooh. Yeah. Oh, I did this. Yeah. I did it. Do you know you're rising in your moon no okay would that serve me to know yes it would i think it's fire you have fire in your chart okay what is the fear that you're actually working through did i do that i really think you've done all the damn walls i'm trying to find i'm really just stalling letting you do it till i find my like something perfect lately i've been reminding myself that oh it's okay it's okay it's okay to not be okay because menopause is like new for me oh you just it's new for me and I don't sweat but the hot flash makes me feel anxious and I'm like are we gonna die it's like is there turbulence everyone looks so happy and I'm like can we turn the arrow on and you guys are like yeah okay I'm like so like it's a weird thing where I'm like nobody else feels like that with something you used to be embarrassed about that now you own what if every answer was just queefing you should totally do that okay guilty pleasure i found two here democracy democracy that's my guilty pleasure when everybody's gotta say what a kink i am no longer what a fucking hoe i am no longer available for um your bullshit do some get therapy there's a whole you can you don't have to go in person you can get your degree from devry online and also your therapy the best advice someone has ever given you oh my god so many things will sylvin's who's a really funny comedian i know will you know will I love Will.

1:32:38He does a lot of stuff with Cypher. Cypher Sounds. Will, when I first started comedy, he was like one of the only straight dudes who was like who wasn't like touch my dick for stage time. And that wasn't his advice but he was just nice to me. And he said as soon as you get good in this room, go to another room where you suck and that's how you get better. Because everybody wants to answer, how do I make money? had my money and he was like get good get good and i was like oh got you and then i got good and i was like oof be so undeniable that nobody could fuck with you and so that really helped me and like shaped me because then i was already fearless enough to like get on stage but then like everybody puts the thing on you like even within comedy where you make up your own rules people are like you gotta go to this club you gotta sit around and hang out i'm like i don't wanna fucking hang out i got friends okay i want to see my friends i want to hang with you fucks i'm gonna do what i want to do my set one go hang out with you and talk about your fucking joke yeah so it's also good advice for some people who have had success sometimes you get content in your little box of success or and but to go into a different room yes and that's a different kind of ego that's an insecure ego the one that always has to be big fish and be right i think a really healthy beautiful ego is the one that's working that doesn't mind like going into rooms where you don't know everything but you still know what you know and you want to work with people that's like the type of ego I want to work with.

1:34:04Yeah. And how could you learn if you stay in that same little room? That's the thing. And people don't want to learn because they think they know everything. Okay, Will, with the good advice. It's good advice. Yeah, Will is good. You never know when you say something to somebody how it sits and lands with them forever. This is 2002. Yeah. Yeah. And this last one, I like to end with this. Okay, because you got to end it? Yeah, because we got to end it at some point because we could literally sit here. Then we could do a whole other interview and you could be Mavis and I could be Iman the Dawn. Sticker than a sticker.

1:34:37Charles Rene. He was great. Ron Rico's amazing. But you had this incredible show, movies, you're about to go on tour, European tour. European tour. And Netflix special is going to be filmed. Netflix special is getting filmed. You've broken barriers. You're a great mom who adores her kids. I really do. 16 year marriage. That's a long time. I mean, a lot of successes in your life. Yeah. You're happy. You're taking care of your dad. You're seeing even the beauty in some of those moments. Yeah. Like, this is a lot that you've done. What are you most proud of about yourself? All of those things. That no matter what, I am who I am.

1:35:23I'm still this thick, titty, freckle face bitch that wants to make people laugh and try to have a clean kitchen and manicured feet. have a good day you know and uh it it fills me to uplift people you know so yeah that i'm that bitch that i still have friends from like first grade to high school to college that you know i'm still that bitch um yeah i if fame is like what is fame fame is just a tax bracket or like a fucking check on a social media page. You know, I think success is, you know, when you're happy, right? When you're happy, when you're a good person, you do good things. That's really good.

1:36:09Now that's how you end the podcast. Oh my god!

1:36:18I'm Michelle Buteau in real life. Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez's IRL podcast.

1:36:34On the under$3 menu at McDonald's, a McChicken is$2. Because when you're craving a McChicken, you deserve a McChicken. And now that McChicken is just$2 with McValue. Limit time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher for delivery. I'm U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all get distracted when we drive, whether it's from our phones or kids in the backseat bickering. But how we handle these distractions can be a matter of life or death. Before you get on the road for your next road trip, please put your phones on silent and take a mental note to focus on driving. Paid for by NHTSA.

1:37:20Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building. You're managing all of them. And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog, HVAC on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering, and 24-7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Granger, for the ones who get it done.

1:38:16U.S. and primary usage must occur in our network. Visit T-Mobile.com. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.