Angie Martinez IRL - Porsha Williams Says Embracing Reinvention After Motherhood Saved Her Life

20:25Angie Martinez:It's kind of crazy out here. The good thing is with Boost Mobile, you and your phone bill do not have to play that game. You don't have to play the will this go up soon game. Why? Because Boost Mobile has an unlimited talk, text and data plan at a price that will never go up. In fact, it's the same price you'll pay for life. So switch now to unlimited wireless at a price that will never go up. Only at Boost Mobile. After 30 gigabytes, customers may experience slower speeds. Customers will pay$25 a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Mobile unlimited plan. Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts.

21:02Angie Martinez:Why did I search the internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that. Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Health care just got less painful. Love bread, baked goods, and pasta, but not the way they make you feel? What if I told you there are macro-friendly options that don't taste like sawdust and sadness? Satisfying sandwiches, fully loaded bagels, noodles that can stand up to your favorite chunky sauces.

21:40Angie Martinez:All delicious. Craveworthy and smart, each serving of Hero Bread has up to 19 grams of protein and 32 grams of fiber, and just 0 to 5 grams net carbs and 0 grams sugar. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers this soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love. breakfast burritos, schmear-loaded bagels, real mac and cheese. Hero Bread bakes loaves, bagels, and tortillas that don't taste or feel like cardboard. Noodles that don't fall apart in hearty sauces. Plus, limited-edition small batch bakes like the 2-grams Net Carb Hero Croissant or 1-gram Net Carb Hero Cheddar Biscuit, handmade in a Sonoma-based French bakery.

22:16Angie Martinez:Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10 % off. That's Hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food. Some products contain allulose. See nutrition info on Hero.co over sodium and sugar content. Picture this. Me, Reese Witherspoon, in London. Ordering fish and chips so often they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo Autographed Journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole.

22:51Angie Martinez:Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographed journey. Terms apply. This is Martha Stewart from the Martha Stewart Podcast. Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. When prepping for cooking and baking, get ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter so the paper grips. Lay it down and drips and spills stay on the paper, not on your counter. Cleanup is as simple as lifting it away to reveal clean counters. Effortless it is, thanks to Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Wet it, set it, prep it, done.

23:36Angie Martinez:Available in the Reynolds Wrap Aisle at Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Costco. And so how have you done it? How have you managed it? What were the tricks that you had to learn? I think that I'm still learning, for sure. and I really try to make sure that someone has their own like you know what I mean I don't think that I can really speak on that because I thought I had it figured out with my last situation but I didn't I thought that fame and social media would be the last thing that someone would be a part of who I chose and it was absolutely the number one thing that they wanted you mean your ex-husband Yeah.

24:18And so once I realized that, I was like, well, hell, okay, I guess you just don't know. You just never know. So for me, I just go off of what I feel. And I try to, even though I do, as much as I say, I'm going to keep my relationship private, it's hard to do. it's hard to do for me number one just as who i am when i am in when i'm happy i want to express

24:46Angie Martinez:that i'm happy like i'm just i show it you're so you're open book most of the time yeah you know and so i want to express it and then of course not only do i want to express it there's a mic in my face asking me about it oh so you're trying to keep you're trying it out though you're trying to keep we are trying to your new situation learning that as private as possible yeah i get that yes i mean you know i i have some old habits which is i love out loud you know and i am living in my truth and i'm open with where i am in my life you know but that doesn't mean you should be dragging someone else into into all your world you know so i especially when it's still temporary kind of new and you're still trying to figure it out yeah exactly but you do make headlines when you were married to two men and then you date a woman that's gonna automatically that's gonna automatically automatically people got questions for you and i'm not lying when i say i really thought it was the worst kept secret um but i think seeing me say you thought it was the worst kept secret yeah i mean because over the years i have definitely spoken about dating you know not dating women but you know being with women before yeah but dating is different dating I've never have you never dated women no I've never so before it was like x experimental or just exploring or exploring exploring exploration exploration yeah I'm just exploring all parts of who I am yeah and I you know I know people are like oh well you know she shouldn't why this is my life and who cares you know people ask me questions and I am not going to feel ashamed of how I feel or this point in my life.

26:32It doesn't mean that anything in my past wasn't real. It just means this is also another part of who I am. It's so funny. People in my comments are like, she's lived nine lives. And it's so funny because my family, we've said that I have. And I don't think that there's an issue with you reinventing yourself. I don't think there's an issue with you exploring a different side of who you are. I think in my world, I have been beat down enough for who I am to the point where I don't care what anybody has to say and so i'm just not gonna hide anything you know i am gonna try to be

27:04Angie Martinez:private moving forward right about the relationship yeah details and things like that but um i'm more interested i thought it was liberating for me to live out loud more so than the details of this relationship or any relationship but i think it's i don't know i think it's uh it's like kind of inspiring that you don't have fear like you said you've never dated a woman before the fact that you're freely open to that and then open to letting people see that you're doing that is interesting it wasn't as easy after the the aftermath wasn't as easy what do you mean the aftermath wasn't as easy so people's opinions me me being a spontaneous person and you know really into someone and wanting to share it and yes this is brand new portia is dating a woman Yes, that is something that shocked everyone.

27:52And as I was doing, it felt natural to me. It felt like a natural transition. It's my real life. It's how I feel. And I'm really into this person. However, I then just had to kind of really think about what was actually happening. I had to take a step back and say, wow, like, you know, I introduced my family and, and then it's people with the labels and it's like, oh, she's coming out and she's this and this label and that.

28:20Angie Martinez:And I'm like, well, I'm just, I'm just me. I am just showing and operating in another side of me. So it, I don't really have that need to want to label anything at all. I just, I made a joke and I'm like, I'm just Portia sexual. I am just, I'm just force asexual. I am comfortable and, you know, it really wasn't so much about gender. It is absolutely a freedom, especially when you have your family support, for sure. I think if my family were side-eyeing me and different things like that, it would have felt been more of a coming out, a hard luck coming out story of some other people have experienced.

29:02But for me, the support and just the love of knowing that if I'm happy, they're happy. And I think that's how this transition has happened. It hasn't felt like some huge change going on.

29:16Angie Martinez:It's natural to you. It's very natural. And to me, I'm more so attracted to the person. It really wasn't about her being a woman, although she is an absolutely gorgeous, beautiful woman. It really wasn't about that. You're trying not to talk about her, but you can't even help it. I can't help it. I can't help it. Sorry. Look at you. I'm trying not to ask, but you know what I mean? But you can't even help it. I know. I know. And this is how I am. I'm a lover girl. I am such a lover girl. And I was alone for a while. You know what I mean? I mean, I know that people were like, oh, this is what you filed and this is this.

29:49But, you know, you feel alone way before you actually file and you leave. And then you go through this long, hard, lonely, stressful divorce and all of that. And honestly, I was so numb for so long that I just didn't know if I was going to be able to feel like this. The same way I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it back to Portia. And that's why I celebrate myself right now. And I really don't have a mind or space to think about anybody else's opinion or anything because I fought hard to be here. Like ending this year, people talk to me and I'm like, I'm just glad to be in my right mind.

30:25like people don't know how much you deal with in life um and divorce and yeah they they have no idea and me in this industry i always have to pretty it up right who wants to be on somebody's instagram and they're looking like you know what was me at every moment so um it's my job to put on a wig and lashes and do my job and look good but it's also my job to take care of korsha yeah And thank God that I am where I am. So just as thankful as I am to be back and feel like I can really have a good gut laugh again. Good for you. Really hug my daughter and feel her energy again. Really appreciate family again.

31:04It's the same way I'm happy that I actually have butterflies again. And I can feel, you know what I'm saying, excited about someone again. That, those two things is something that I really do cherish right now for sure. That's beautiful.

31:17Angie Martinez:Yeah. There's so many women that, well men too. People go through divorce and it hits hard for people. What was the, and you have to, like you said, put your lasses on and your wig on. What was that moment like? And then how do you pick yourself back up? What does the dark moment feel like? And I don't know, for you, what was that experience? You know, I want to say is, you know, I don't want to talk much about him because it just brings up so much. But I can speak about my experience and what I felt like I lost. You lose the future that you're working on. You lose like your biggest job on earth, your biggest blessing, the biggest thing that you're hoping for to happen for a long period of time.

32:00You lose that. And when that happens, it rocks your world. I mean, I truly identify as a wife when I am married. I really do. And I'm locked in and I want to give my all. I mean, I'm a cancer. I'm such a nurturer. Like I want to take care of everyone and I especially want to take care of my family. And I want it to I don't want to be successful like that. And and also I'm very intentional. So each day I want to make you happy and I hope that you want to make me happy. And when those things break, suddenly the way I had to end it, it was devastating. But then I also had to pick the pieces up and had to go to work.

32:39You know, you got to keep going. You got to keep going and going and going. And I reached a point where I realized, like, if I just keep going, you may end up still successful. You may end up still finishing out everything that you're trying to do, but you're going to be empty and you could possibly be bitter. And so I took time and I said, you know what? I'm going to start doing things for me. And I cut my days in half. And if I needed to stay in the bed all day and cry, if I need to stay in the bed all day and watch TV or doom scroll or whatever, rot in bed, whatever it was, I would take those times and do it.

33:14If I had content I needed to do, I would load up two days and just, you know, two or three days and just kill it, kill it, kill it. And then make sure I had Saturday, Sunday to do absolutely nothing, to look like crap. You know what I'm saying? So I really had to figure out what I could do to put me first. And most of it was me praying and having to go into myself. I had to take accountability for my part, choices that I made, ways, things that had shaped who I was in my past to make me choose that situation, make me ignore certain things. And when you take accountability from the very beginning and say, oh, this was a pattern and you thought you could cover it up with overdoing this or overdoing that or overcompensating here and there.

33:57when you forgive yourself along the way and you really soul search and decide, okay, I see where they could have gone wrong. Maybe it's not so much as the other person, just you speaking up for yourself more. Hey, I don't think you really looked at me in my eyes in a while. Hey, I don't know if, I don't feel our connection. Just some of the things that you could do along the way. Ask for what you need instead of trying to just please. and even though that doesn't sound like such a horrible thing in the end it can be yeah because you just end up a shadow you just end up um well you said that you said you always you want to serve

34:36Angie Martinez:you you're like you you put so much into you want to be a great wife yeah not you want somebody to be a great partner for you right which is right a different yeah right as long as it looked like a good partner for me i was okay with it because then you get to be you can be the good wife without receiving a good partner. In the long run, you're not going to receive it in the long run. Yeah. You're not. You're not. You're going to have to pick someone who at the root and the base of who you are, they can appreciate that person without all, without me coming in doing everything. I think men and some people, they do love bomb, but I didn't realize I do it too.

35:15Like I'll come in and I want to be your everything. Like, I mean, no, seriously. Like, I mean.

35:19Angie Martinez:You cater to you, girl. yeah yes but i also make sure it's reciprocated now you know make sure i'm feeling it back because i'll forget and next thing i know i've overloved and i'm not receiving it back the way i needed to be received and then what happens you get resentful or you get angry or you get well sad lonely like i get sad and lonely and i feel empty and when you wake up and you have everything and you still feel empty. Something isn't right. Life is too short. And I really, truly think about life as being this one experience that God has given us. I don't know what's going to happen when I leave this earth, but I do know right now I am blessed and I can be fulfilled.

35:59I have a beautiful daughter, beautiful mother, family, sister, everything. And I have one way to deal with it, one way to handle my life. And I'm going to think about it and just think about what someone else wants and live a negative life glass half empty or am I going to look at it and say what can I do to own my world what can I do and and if I do what I want to do will it shake something up yeah but whatever shakes off I didn't need it I didn't need it it's okay you know what I mean I didn't know what was going to happen with me coming out you know I didn't know if people were going to accept it I have definitely received a lot of negative negative yeah for sure I definitely have but that's okay It's not the first.

36:40Angie Martinez:You put that in quotes, but that's a real thing. I was thinking because we interviewed Janelle Monae on the podcast one time, and she was talking about the responsibility. It's all of a sudden it's like if you date a woman or however you identify, all of a sudden there's the you have to represent all of the community. Right. There's like a, I don't know, something about the label that can be overwhelming for people. Any label, I'm sure. even when I was vegan I mean I was like well goodness you're the diet it's not I'm not living the vegan lifestyle so you're not the vegan ambassador of the world I'm not but you know this is the position I'm in yeah this is the platform I've been platform I've been given and people do take it seriously yeah um so I would like my way to look how it is and no you may not be able to necessarily label it and that's okay that's okay everybody but you can do the same thing you don't have to label yourself either we're all just the human race you're all trying to figure it out do you not label yourself or do you label yourself um in which way just in terms of like sexuality or oh um no i've never thought about it it's not something that i necessarily thought about you haven't thought about it at all i love who i love you know what i mean and it wasn't something to think about because dating a woman is new to me so it wasn't something i even had to deal with no one's like if you date race like if you date if you date black men your whole life and then all of a sudden at 40 years old you're like yeah I'm gonna try dating this white guy you gotta think about it like there is thoughts that like this is gonna be different I think Christmas dinner might feel different you think more right you think more about the details yeah but I was trying to not overthink it because I felt like if I were to overthink it then I wouldn't go for it I wouldn't allow myself to get to know something different yeah you know So you're open.

38:35You're just open. Yeah. And so I just decided to be open. I mean, I'm sitting in the passenger seat of her like, oh, my gosh. You're so funny. I'm dating her. I'm dating her. And I'm just looking at her like, wow, you know, like you're so beautiful. You know, it's just it's I don't know. That is so cute. It is. It is. And and also there's a part of looking at someone who you match with. I'm more hoping I match with for a long time, but I'm matching with now. When you see yourself in them, see, that is calming. Like, she is a part of me. It's not like I'm dating someone who is foreign to me. I mean, I have...

39:19Our characteristics and things are very similar. So, you know, it's the same thing with men. You know, I like a man who's, like, calm and very nurturing and very sweet because I can be calm, nurturing, and sweet. I'm not going to pick, like, an asshole. And so like, you know, when it comes to it, they'll turn into it. Oh, baby, they'll turn into it. But I don't know. I just, we're very, very similar. We're very, very similar. And I see that. That's sweet.

39:47Angie Martinez:You seem so happy. I am. You seem happy. That's great. Yeah, because guess what? You know, people live their life and they're really afraid to be who they are. They really are. I mean, think about it. If nobody, if my page was just calm, like the way it was before all of this, people would rather stay right there where it's comfortable. And you end up living a comfortable life. But is it your truest self? Is it where you really should be? Where you really going to thrive? Maybe not. So, yeah, I have disrupted things. But it's like me standing in the middle of a tornado and I'm smiling. You know what I'm saying?

40:20Like, yeah, y 'all go crazy. But I feel amazing. You know what I'm saying? I feel good.

40:25Angie Martinez:and um and that is a beautiful way to say that yeah like there's a tornado you y 'all can have a tornado all y 'all want swirl on like but i'm i'm just smiling inside the tornado and guess what the storm will calm down and then people will look back and say wow that's actually pretty inspiring that she just went for it like that yeah i mean i was gonna say that that's inspiring to somebody who has to do something that might be against the grain in any way to what their community or whatever is and what it's like what do you like you said there's one life right what are you gonna do right you're gonna waste your time making everybody feel comfortable and warm and fuzzy yeah yeah and and i and again i don't want to sit here like i am the the all-knowing the all-knowing i mean i it's still brand new to me i'm still figuring everything out um but you But you are in your truth.

41:22I am. I am. And I think that's the best way to be. I just can't say enough. And people ask me a million questions about, well, what about this? And how's that part? I don't know. Here's the thing. When you're dating, let's say a man, you don't know if it's going to last. You don't know what's going to happen in that relationship. Why do I have to have all the answers right now?

41:43Angie Martinez:Right now, yeah. Just enjoying. It's just people are nosy and curious. This is still brand new dating. Nosy and curious. Yes. They're like, how? what's happening? I'm like, relax. Go Google. It's on the internet. Okay. Look it up, honey. I'm not the first. It's okay. You are so funny. You are so funny. Today's show is brought to you by our new presenting sponsor, Hard Rock Bets. Okay. So winter's here. It's cold outside. And if you want to get in on the action and you don't want to have to leave your house to get on the casino floor, you can do it, of course, right from the app and Hard Rock Bets got you.

42:18Angie Martinez:So if you're in New Jersey or Michigan, check out Hard Rock Bet Casino app. It's got thousands of slots, blackjack, roulette, all of your favorite games. They're all there from the casino floor. They're all there, all in the top rated app. So you can check it out right from your app. And it has thousands of five-star reviews. So you know, you're in good shape. Sign up today and get 200 bonus spins to play Huff and More Puff. That's 200 bonus spins with wins paid in cash. We love cash. So try out Hard Rock Bet Casino for yourself. And all you have to do is make one deposit to get your bonus spends.

42:49Angie Martinez:You don't have to keep making more and more deposits. The one time you do it and you get your welcome bonus. Plus, if you need help, you get personal service right where you need it. And since it's Wednesday, if you're already using the app, you know what this means. It is your last day to use your hard rock bet legendary reward drops. So open up the app today. You can have a casino bonus or who knows what's in there. There's all kinds of surprises. And it's always a nice surprise, by the way. New rewards every single Thursday. Download the app and get your welcome offer today. Offered by Seminole Hard Rock Digital LLC.

43:22Angie Martinez:All rewards issued as non-withdrawable site credits, $10 plus deposit required for 200 bonus spins for Huff and More Puff only. Up to$1 ,000 cash back in casino bonus if your player has net loss on slots after first 24 hours. Casino bonus credit has a one-time wager requirement. Must be 21 or older and present in Michigan or New Jersey to play. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts. I, um, I can't stop scratching my downtown. Yeah, but I'm not itching to go downtown and tell a receptionist I'm here to talk about my downtown. Some things you'd rather type than say out loud.

44:03There's no question too embarrassing for Amazon Health AI.

44:07Angie Martinez:Chat your symptoms and get virtual care 24-7. Healthcare just got less painful. Love bread, baked goods, and pasta, but not the way they make you feel? What if I told you there are macro-friendly options that don't taste like sawdust and sadness? Satisfying sandwiches, fully loaded bagels, noodles that can stand up to your favorite chunky sauces. All delicious. Crave-worthy and smart, each serving of Hero Bread has up to 19 grams of protein and 32 grams of fiber, and just 0 to 5 grams net carbs and 0 grams sugar. Hero Bread bakes with heart-healthy olive oil and delivers this soft, fluffy, flavorful experience you love.

44:43Angie Martinez:breakfast burritos, schmear-loaded bagels, real mac and cheese. Hero Bread Bakes, loaves, bagels, and tortillas that don't taste or feel like cardboard. Noodles that don't fall apart in hearty sauces. Plus, limited edition small batch bakes like the 2 grams net carb Hero Croissant or 1 gram net carb Hero Cheddar Biscuit, handmade in a Sonoma-based French bakery. Shop now on Hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10 % off. That's Hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food. Some products contain allulose. See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Picture this. Me, Reese Witherspoon, in London.

45:18Angie Martinez:Ordering fish and chips so often they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo Autograph Journey card so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole. Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographjourney. Terms apply.

46:08Angie Martinez:not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread, or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking prep, and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters, the food, the people, and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know it's Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Take a tip from me, wet it, set it, prep it, done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper.

46:54Angie Martinez:Available now in the Reynolds Wrap Aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Costco. Well, you did it. You survived two divorces. Yeah. And an engagement. And an engagement. And I'm sure other things, probably things that people, that's one thing. People probably think. Yeah. But they don't have to think too much. I wrote a book. I know. You can go read the book. Yeah. The Pursuit of Portia. And I really wish I could re-release that book because I really said a lot of things in a book I had never even said before. You know, just me speaking about in my 20s through abuse from men. And, you know, when you go through things like that, you kind of push it down.

47:36And I think that was a part of me when I first got married of just throwing that person away and putting my self-worth only in my ex-husband. Because it was like, oh, I've been through all this. And, yeah, I accomplished all this. And, yes, I'm where I am. But you know what? It don't mean anything. What do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to live my life for you?

47:57Angie Martinez:And I don't even know if I'm still. Where did you learn that? learn what just to be that way like what why did you think you had to well when i was when i was much younger i was i'm still an introvert but i was very much an introvert when i was a child to the point to where i would just come home and be in my room every single day yeah and i would have my own show set up i had like a whole table set up i would gather things from around the house and have basically portia's world which is like a qbc and so i would entertain myself every afternoon by myself. None of this surprises me. I'm telling you, and like I actually do it for a living now, which is crazy.

48:31But yeah, I have my own TV show, but basically I was just, you know, very alone and isolated as a child. And then I also always dealt with depression throughout the years. And I don't think I truly understood that it was depression until I got, you know, much older. And so when I would feel vulnerable and have no self-worth and really when my depression showed up I had zero hope like I would actually feel like the world is ending and then you have someone who's looking at you and tell you you're beautiful or you're this or you're that then you are like putty in their hands yeah and so I think that was the beginning of people say people pleasing but it was just like man pleasing at the time and I would just do whatever you found your worth in your male relationship yeah yeah and then the abuse would happen and then that takes so much

49:19Angie Martinez:from you when you have they prey on that type of personality by the way yeah absolutely yeah most of the time those are narcissists yeah yeah and you know you find yourself in those relationships and when I was young the bad part about it is when I would be abused by someone I stayed and and I never really understood like how like I think when I because when my 30s stopped after my wedding my first marriage I never got sexually abused again in my 30s 40s nothing I haven't been abusing it but it happened all through my my 20s and like why would I stay like what why do you think what was missing in me to stay and I don't know I think it was just me wanting to be whatever that person wanted and I just didn't have self-worth so through the years I have to take the time to look at what I've done and celebrate myself and and put that on the side of my self-worth I am worthy I'm worthy of someone to love me I'm worthy of someone to respect me I'm worthy of someone not to speak down on me or um you know take from me in different situations I'm worthy enough for you not to do that all on my own it's nothing that you need to give me or show me I'm worthy of that on my own so I always talk about having self-work because when you don't have that then that's when you fall prey to people who want to take advantage of you for sure that's when they swoop in they swoop and it's usually when you're young and you haven't developed that kind of exactly yeah yeah and people they can sense it yeah i'm saying they can sense it it's so true did you get any did you like when you were going through the depression what was triggering the depression was it abuse so i went through depression um i went through depression my really my whole life yeah you're so and really you're so like i know you're so just a bundle of joy and smiles and it's just um those are some of the main ones yeah um i would have to say really my whole life i've had these bouts with depression um i have you know tried to commit suicide like twice um but i want to that's why i really wanted a child that's why i really wanted and needed pilar and that's why i call her my lifesaver because i knew if i had her she would be what I would live for, my actual lifesaver.

51:38And she was. I have definitely dealt with depression after her, but I really pay attention to the triggers. And I really, when I can feel it coming on, I start to get, I start to move. What do I need to do? What is, what is it? You don't just

51:53Angie Martinez:let it happen. No, no, no, no. Cause when I lean into it, it's over with. Once I start closing the blinds, turn the phone off, TV's off, it's over with the devil. Your mind is speaking to you and you will forget that you have a whole life that's abundant. You truly will. It doesn't matter that my mother and I are super close. It doesn't matter that my sister is there for me. It does not matter how many friends would like to lift me up. It doesn't matter. At that moment, your world is in that room, in that silent room, that silent dark room, that's it. So for me, when I feel it coming on, which like I said, it happens still sometimes, I get up.

52:35You know what I mean? It's like, okay, let me go to the gym or something. Let me like at least walk around the house. Let me get in the car. Like people see me in Atlanta. I'm like sitting at a restaurant by myself eating. Just move around, do something.

52:45Angie Martinez:You cut it off at the path almost. I try to cut it off at the path. Yeah. I really do. And have you done like, have you gotten help? You know, here's the thing. I, I did go to someone probably about it was probably about maybe six months ago. Oh, recently. Yeah. Six or seven months ago. And now now I have to say that I don't think it was just regular depression. I think it was hormonal. That's what I was wondering. premenopausal because it was hitting me like a brick. Like I literally sat in her office. I said, my quality of life is not where it needs to be right now. And so she talked to me and she said, you're like on a, you're like at a seven.

53:30So meaning like if you didn't have the surroundings that you have, you could probably be like a killer, but you could be like, you're on the same line as that you're in danger mentally. And I left there and I was like, oh my God, like I knew. Yeah, like I knew it, how I felt inside. You feel like empty, just lethargic. I could not move. I'm just eating everything. And I was like, damn, are you serious? You mean this has come back and gotten on my back to where I could harm myself or something? And I just remember thinking, I'm not going to let that happen. And I never went back to that particular doctor.

54:09And I just rebuked it in the name of Jesus. I just rebuked it, rebuked it, rebuked it. I said, I rebuke it. this is this I'm not going back there wow I'm not going back there I've done the work I've done the work and I know that I can pull myself out of this and I went to another doctor and we talked about you know my age and different things factoring things around it things that I might have been deficient in and she didn't diagnose me as being pre-menopausal but she did say you need more vitamins you know you need some NAD you need some testosterone you know it was a lot of different things health wise that I hadn't even thought about because when you go to your primary doctor, they're just doing the right.

54:47Angie Martinez:They're really not educated as they should be in. Right. Pre perimenopause or menopause. They're not. Overall, I didn't actually feel depressed. I just knew I couldn't move. And when I worked, I was only working and thinking about my bed. How can I get back to my bed? Like literally, I swear to God, everything I did was to get right back home in my bed and shut that door. And I remember telling Dennis, my child's father, I remember crying to him in the car one day and I said, I don't know what's going on. I said, but when I hug Pilar, I can't feel it.

55:24And I was like, oh no, I was like, oh no, I can't let that happen. Because I always talk about my life experience, but what's most important to me is Pilar's life experience. and as close as I am with my mother and as much as I need her, I never want to not be here for her. So even though I don't know if I could put myself first for me, I can put myself first for her and I can fight for me, for her so that I can be here for her. And so, um, after I admitted that to him, you do have to end up saying it out loud.

55:58Angie Martinez:Sometimes that's the hardest. Yeah. It was hard to confide in him. It's hard for you to say it right now. Yeah, it is. And he, him being my co-parent i knew i needed to tell him because we are her um her keepers and so i admitted it to him and i finally admitted it to my mom which was also hard um because my family's a very strong family mostly in black families we don't admit things like this we don't talk about it too much yeah when you're down when you're down when you're down you know it may be like oh i was down last month you know but i'm back up but like for me to like admit it in in real time it was it was tough and And like I said, it just didn't look like it.

56:34You could look anywhere in my life and you would not see that I was sad or depressed or anything, but it was there. And they found it. And so, like I said, I just went into heavy, heavy prayer. And I just really crawled and fought my way out of it. And I never, like I said, never got on the medication or anything like that. And I do feel much, much better. I definitely, I do. I have a new therapist now. and I tell her the truth, you know, cause I was like, these therapists, once I tell them, I told my sister, I said, every time I tell a therapist the truth, they tell me I'm depressed. So I'm like, I ain't going to be telling them everything.

57:10That defeats the purpose. Like, damn girl, you ain't got to, you know, try to put me in the ward. But no, so this particular therapist, I told her the truth and I've been talking to her and I'm, she's like, you're good. I love the way you're handling things. We have rearranged and compartmentalized my life in the way that I can handle everything. I can see what I need to do. I have my big, big box for Portia. And it's filled. It's filled with everything that I need. And again, that's why people, they know, oh, she said she's standing in her. No, me standing in my truth is really me just really standing in my life, whatever that is.

57:43I deal with me positively. I do not talk bad on me at all. I mean, I actually said to someone the other day, when those thoughts in my mind come and I'm just thinking so negative, you know, I look in that mirror and I say, you can shut the fuck up.

58:02Angie Martinez:For real. I'm going to try that shit. I'm going to try that shit. I need that shit right now. You can shut the fuck up. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Because a part of you will be like, oh, you're an imposter. I have never told myself to shut the fuck up. Tell yourself. And you're not really, you're telling that inner voice. of course that hates you there's one that hates you and there's of course god in you who loves you and that's the one you should be really leaning into but you gotta tell that bitch to shut the fuck up because why are you saying this to me i just woke up i'll get your ass back in the bed lazy ass i just woke up how am i lazy you can shut the fuck up like for real and i swear to you I don't know what the magic is, but it works.

58:45It does. It works.

58:46Angie Martinez:I'm going to start that. That's going to be in my new, in my 2026 pack. Pack. It's easy to do. My little bag. I'm going to put that in the 2026 bag. You can shut the fuck up right now. And look dead in that mirror. You bitch, you hear me. You, yeah. And flip your hair and go on about your damn day. Because we have things to handle. We are here for a reason. We have a life to live. We have people to, you know, pour into. And, you know, if you're walking around and you letting that voice just tear you down, tear you down, tear you down, you're not going to really live. Yeah. Go ahead, mama. Yeah.

59:22Angie Martinez:And wow, how much your daughter is your savior because it was at that low moment. That's the one that took you down. Even telling me this whole story today, that's the moment that is like the hardest for you to even see, visit. Yeah, because I can't think about, you know, I don't know. and I don't want to sound crazy, but when you have dealt with depression over your life, the thought of death is not that scary. It's just not, you know, I don't think about it like other people think about it. Maybe I'm a little morbid. So yeah, I have thought about it so much in my past when I was in my twenties and going through that, all those things I went through that I don't think about it the way other people do.

1:00:02It's like, Oh, really? Yeah. If this experience ends, okay. but my daughter I will I want to be here for her I want to make sure that she has a loving mother and a protector and that I'm here to witness her life and be there for her anytime she needs me so being a mother has absolutely saved my life for sure wow that's funny because when we first

1:00:24Angie Martinez:launched this podcast the first season was called uh we're all gonna die and everybody thought it was so dark and whatever but it really wasn't because to me a long time ago I had when we launched it i had a bad car accident and i had this realization like shit i could have been that could have been it yeah and so okay so now i'm still here okay what if i only have a year or whatever it is like you don't know but when you think about life and you remind yourself that we are this time is limited for everybody but when you remind yourself that it forces you to make better decisions it does it forces you to not waste your time doing shit you don't really want to do or having conversations you don't really give a shit about having um and it didn't matter what it's connected to.

1:01:01So like a lot of people's driving force is money, you know, but I learned a long time ago, if you're doing something that is fulfilling to your spirit, then the money's going to come. Okay. And maybe it didn't come in this one, in this particular job or opportunity, right? Who knows if I don't make a lot of money in my podcast, I love to do it. It feels good to me to sit and talk to my sister and enjoy and share our life stories and funny things and antidote. But over here, this job pays me money. So you still have to fill your life with things that are fulfilling to you. You cannot just work yourself to the bum.

1:01:34Whether you're working a nine to five or whether you're on TV like me and you're taking all these, it's all relative at the end of the day. So you have to do things that are fulfilling to you. You have to be around people who calm your nervous system. I don't care who you are. I don't care what the job is. If this interview was uncomfortable i i love you and respect you i would have to say respectfully i'm gonna have to go because when my nervous system is not settled something is not right and i don't have to live like that yeah you can decide to make that choice if i'm in a relationship with someone i let them if if i'm not if i don't feel calm with you then that means we're not vibrating on the same space right you know our energies don't match yeah and so i really i put that anywhere I am.

1:02:20It doesn't matter in any situation. That's so good. I like to protect my peace. Okay. As you should. I've got to protect my peace. I work hard for that bit of peace. And yes, I had that bit of peace, you know, when I was in a relationship and that didn't last, but I learned and I felt what that felt like and I'll never let it go again. And then, so how have the past

1:02:43Angie Martinez:shit your life in the past six months has drastically shifted from where you were six months ago yeah like how that's pretty fast no you don't have any remnants of it are you still kind of on the do you still have feelings or concerns about any type of depression or those type of states coming back or well you just deal with a day of time well first of all you have to try to identify what may be happening that's different for you um and as a woman i can't just say, oh, I'm just a person who deals with depression. No, I'm also a woman who's 44 years old. Could it be perimenopause? Over my life, when you look at certain things, could I be ADHD?

1:03:24What other things can I find out about me in order... Just think about it. If it was someone else and they had an issue like me, I'm a problem solver. If you came to me and you had an issue you wanted to solve or you wanted advice, I'm going to ask you a million questions to get down to it. Well, we have some, just depression. No, it could be a chemical imbalance. It could be a number of things. And, you know, I've gotten a couple of diagnoses that have helped me be able to look at different triggers in my life, different things that I've done, different things I may need to change, maybe need more order in my life.

1:03:59I may need to clean my damn house up a little bit more. I may need to be more organized with my daughter so that I'm not rushing her and we're both stressed in the mornings. There's just a lot of little things. Once you find out how you operate and how you can make those small tweaks, they can make your life better and like de-stress you. And so for me with ADHD, it just really, it just really showed me like, okay, this is how I think.

1:04:22Angie Martinez:Did you get diagnosed with ADHD too? Yes. And so it's a matter of, okay, this is how I think. It's nothing wrong with how I think, but this is how I think. This is how I operate. ADHD probably makes for a great reality star. Well, here I am. It's probably. Here I am. I'm always like, oh, what made me like a star? Here we go. Because you have to be on. You have to have energy. Like you have to be exciting to watch. Unpredictable. Unpredictable. I'm sure that has contributed to the success of your reality career. Yes, spontaneous. So it's a gift and a curse probably. It is. It is. And I look at it now as a gift, you know, and I've found I'm not medicated.

1:05:08What I take is L-theanine, which is really good. So anybody out there, I hope I can spread that message that L-theanine is amazing. Those voices that I told you we have to tell to be quiet, L-theanine just calms it.

1:05:19Angie Martinez:Tells them to calm it down. It calms it for me. It says shut the fuck up in the mirror. It does. It goes in the system and tells everything to shut the fuck up. And it's amazing. And so it's a way that like if I feel high stress or whatever, it just kind of calms you down. at least quiets me from overthinking, et cetera. Yeah, so. Amazing. And I'm learning more and more about it. You know, you start to go into research and you find out. I love this journey for you. I do too. I love this whole journey. I love where you are. You know, it's great. I think, yes, I will. I'm not going to ask you a bunch of personal questions, but I do, I really value, I think it's, I thank you for sharing what you did share today.

1:05:54Angie Martinez:Because I really think there is something to that, like not letting outside noise, outside opinions, whatever, just kind of interfere with you, finding or exploring who knows if this is your answer or not but at least you're not afraid to see to try to do what feels right right now and everybody's trying to figure it out yeah yeah everybody's trying to figure it out it's just a news cycle it'll just be trending for like a week it's okay a week or two that's fine i can put the phone down you know what i mean like i think you know some points us you know public figures we forget you can put the phone down yeah you can delete that app for a while yeah it's okay and they'll still say it and it's not going to affect to you if you don't see it.

1:06:31You would never freaking know. It's not until I go to dinner or something like, oh, did you see this? I'm like, ah, you need to show that to me. Like, I'm good. Let's just drink and enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. You can put the phone down. Do not wake up in the morning and that's the first thing that you're looking at. You know what I mean? Or the last thing that you see before you go to bed. Take a moment and just live where you are. By the way,

1:06:50Angie Martinez:not just for public figures, in general, take a moment. Because if it's not a story about you, if you're not a public figure, it is something being fed to you that is meant to either stress you out, compare you to somebody else, compare your life to somebody else's life. Like there's just so much negative. Putting you in the position to judge other people. And that's what social media does. It gives everybody a voice and the ability to judge and then find a community of people who are also judging. So now it's a good time. But yeah, that bitch is crazy. But at the end of the day, when you put your phone down, what you doing in your life?

1:07:29what you got going on boo you know what what did you just do that if we knew about it we would also judge and then they feel empty after they are no longer in that community that's in the cell phone on social media so live outside of all of that for sure like start to do some things i don't see in my community sometimes you know we don't you know get outside and do the crazy things like you know we're not out here riding horses and playing outside and doing things get outside like do things that you wouldn't normally do. Go ride some dirt bikes.

1:07:59Angie Martinez:Yeah. Go fishing. Like, you know what I mean? I'm golfing now. You're golfing? Oh, golfing is good. It's the greatest thing ever. Your body's going to get real good. I mean, you already look amazing. Oh, you're very sweet. Yeah. You look damn good. Thank you. No, but it's my thing. It's that. You're outside. You're in the grass. Find your thing. What is your thing? So my thing was golf as well. I didn't know that. My thing was golf as well. Portia, how did I not know that? Because I didn't post about it. It was my thing. It was my thing, so I kept it for me. Do you golf by yourself? I used to, but I haven't golfed in a while.

1:08:32You do? I golf by myself sometimes. But when you go, they don't try to partner you up sometimes?

1:08:36Angie Martinez:Sometimes, but I was in a club and I would book weird hours. And then I would go when people were... Even it's later in the day, I might not do a full 18, but I get some in by myself. But I also golf with other people. That's good. I golf with strangers. You can golf. Golfing with strangers is the best. Great, because you don't have to talk about shit. You don't. We just want to know what club did you use for that and how far did it go and all that. And you get on through and you can drink and enjoy yourself. Portia, we're going to be golf friends. Okay, let's do it. Can we really do that? I would so do it.

1:09:04When I tell you I love it, I got my own clubs and everything. So do I.

1:09:08Angie Martinez:Yes. Wait a minute. Look at what I have on my chain. Oh, you in it. Wait, wait. No, I just won this. I won the ladies long drive competition at the CC Samanthaia thing. It's a little golf club. Oh, my God. I won this. That is so cute. Congratulations. I don't hit that far, but there wasn't that many ladies. Okay, but you got it, though. So I won that. it's still in there because I had it on earlier so I had tucked it inside and no you need to keep that you need to find your hobby come on like we got to get off when I'm and when I go I don't put the phone on there's no phone there's no phone it's thrown off your frequency for sure it really is I mean I didn't I'm not perfect yes I'm on my phone I have to post I do so am I yeah okay we do all that but think about your frequency at the end of the day you don't want that throwing it off I have another secret to admit today okay I'm a tree hugger what do you mean I go outside I'll hug trees.

1:09:54No, you don't. No, I do. I do. I go outside often barefoot and I'll just ground and I have this big tree that I've been eyeing them for a while. You know, you hear about the tree huggers and like, you know, the synergy. I didn't know this was a real thing. It's a real thing. And I was like, I'm going to walk up to them and just see if I can hug them. And I went and I hugged them and I just felt, you automatically feel like this peace, like this oneness with the earth.

1:10:21Angie Martinez:Stop it. I'm not I'm not kidding you. How often do you do this? I'm not going to say this, but you're also going to go hug a tree. How often do you do this? Well, it's cold now. Okay. So I haven't visited him in a while. Okay. You have a particular tree? Oh, yeah. He's right in the middle of the putt-putt in my backyard. Got it. But I haven't done it in a while. He has a putt-putt in your backyard? We're going to be friends, Gorgeous. I want to come to your house and hug the tree. Next interview is at my house. Okay, fine. It's at my house. Fine. I'm there. And we recently went to Scotland on Housewives.

1:10:49and in the castle we were staying in there was this big view i cheated on my tree okay because there was this big beautiful tree in the back and you could see did they film this all out yeah they did you know they filmed me hugging the tree of course they did and so there were these they had this big beautiful roots coming out and i was like the girls you know they didn't understand what i said y 'all i'll be right back and i went and i hugged this tree for like five minutes straight and it was just I don't know it just calms me I'm sure there's a scientific or spiritual

1:11:21Angie Martinez:so you just one day did somebody tell you to do this or you just one day seeing it online you know how it is on social media you start tapping into and then all of a sudden it's all on your vibration in your life and how you know water is living and things like that and frequency and those that was one of the things that I had learned about and I was like I'm gonna try it and it actually worked you were into it yeah I'm into it I'm gonna try it I'm gonna try it on the golf course yeah try it on the golf course pick your right tree okay and do it and try to like let your skin touch it if you can now me i don't like bugs i don't like none of that but yeah i don't like bugs either i don't either but i was like i need this goodness i'm gonna try it it's gonna be weird but you know what do the thing do the thing i'm gonna tell her to shut the fuck up exactly and i'm gonna hug the tree you didn't know you was gonna get that out this interview I got so much from you today.

1:12:12I'm so into it.

1:12:13Angie Martinez:So thank you for that. Of course. All right. We have a couple of things before we let you go. I have a bowl in real life bowl with a couple of in real life questions. Can somebody pass me the bowl? Are we doing the bowl first or the voice note? Do we have a voice note? Yeah. Oh, we have a voice note for you. This is our Boots Mobile voice note section where somebody, I haven't even heard this, so I don't know if it's a fan, a friend, but somebody who has a message or a question for you. Okay. Hey, Portia. When your daughter looks back at you and your journey one day, what do you hope she understands about the woman you were becoming?

1:12:48Angie Martinez:She might see that moment that we just talked about. She might. And I'm pretty sure she will with social media. When my daughter looks back on my life, which is well documented, a lot of it, I would hope that she saw a woman who was in pursuit of her best self and a woman who was living life on her own terms and who loved herself, forgave herself, and most of all found joy or fought for joy. Because as a mom, the only thing I want from my child, I know people put a lot of expectations on their kids. I just want her to be happy, whatever that is you know even though I'm working and you know I'm building the money that I have for her is for her to be able to do what she wants to do I don't have any particular life set out for her and I wish everybody lived like that my mom actually was like that with me even though I'll work with her but I would just want her to see me fighting for my life and living my real life how I wanted to live it.

1:13:59And that's all I want for her. And mommy will be happy.

1:14:02Angie Martinez:That is a wonderful example to set for your daughter. We said something we always worry about being strong, being this, being that. It's like, just let me show you how, watch me chase this happiness because happiness is important. Yeah. Peace is important. All of it. But she needs to see and know from me that it's something you're going to have to be intentional about. Yeah. Be intentional about what your life looks like. who is in your life, what you do in your life. If she can live that way and not just go along the way with what somebody else wants or what life is pushing her to, no, no, no.

1:14:36Always have your goals set for yourself and make sure that you are at the head of it, no matter what, even if you have a child, even if she's married or whatever, make sure that you are putting you first regardless. And that's not so good. Yeah.

1:14:48Angie Martinez:And the parent and your mom is your first example. I just had to remember of eight. We have Adrian, you know, Adrian Holman by line from the real. Yeah. She was on with her husband recently and, you know, she had relationships before that didn't go well. And she left an engagement and everything because she watched her mother chase her happiness. She's like her mother got a divorce from her first husband. She's like something about watching my mother chase her happiness made me realize want to have that, too. And kids do that. Your mother is your first example of like how it's supposed to be done.

1:15:22Yeah. Yeah. And that life is a steady flow. Yeah.

1:15:27Angie Martinez:Yeah. You are not your circumstance. I'm sure you may go through hard things in your life, but you are not your circumstance. You are beyond that. You're just going through that. And so as long as she remains fluid and I remain fluid and can see a way out and keep moving with my energy and my love and my life, then she'll be fine. Things are going to happen. She's got to know that, yes, life is hard. And she's going to watch mom's life and be like, yeah, mom went through some things. Mom went through what? Okay, yeah, mom didn't have some growth. moments in there. But she's going to see that and be like, yeah, it's the real world.

1:15:58Angie Martinez:That's amazing that she could watch your life. I know. Right. Yeah. But you know, it's real. It's real. And you know, a lot of people don't have the opportunity. I was really close to my mom. So I watched my mom fight to be the number one childcare center owner and entrepreneur and single mom and take care of us and the whole family. And so that's where I get my work ethic from you know i'm saying and that's and there were also some things that she feels like she might have missed in doing all well it's also her generation where they were trying to fight for equal rights and fair pay and they wanted to be bosses too and they wanted to prove and so they had that was their play then then the next generation is like wait a minute i want to be happy too right like yeah we want to be hustlers but we also bosses but kind of also really want to prioritize joy and being happy.

1:16:48And that's the ultimate way of having it all. A lot of people say, I hear me say, I want to have it all. No, I really mean it. I really mean it. But I know now it starts with me. I have to feel complete in who I am. Then everything else is added.

1:17:01Angie Martinez:Yeah. Like literally everything else is added. So good. Hey guys, support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference? Well, you are not alone. And this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the W with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it.

1:17:34Angie Martinez:Head to WaldenU.edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change. Certified to operate by Shiv. Amazon Health AI presents Painful Thoughts. Why did I search the internet for answers to my cold sore problem? Now I'm stuck down a rabbit hole filled with images of alarmingly graphic sores in various stages of ooze. I can clear my search history, but I can never unsee that. Don't go down the rabbit hole. Amazon Health AI gets you the right care fast. Health care just got less painful.

1:18:40Angie Martinez:flavorful experience you love. Breakfast burritos, schmear-loaded bagels, real mac and cheese. Hero Bread Bakes, loaves, bagels, and tortillas that don't taste or feel like cardboard. Noodles that don't fall apart in hearty sauces. Plus, limited edition small batch bakes like the 2 grams Net Carb Hero Croissant or 1 gram Net Carb Hero Cheddar Biscuit, handmade in a Sonoma-based French bakery. Shop now on hero.co. Use code IHEART for 10 % off. That's hero.co. Per serving, not a low-calorie food. Some products contain allulose. See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Picture this.

1:19:14Angie Martinez:Me, Reese Witherspoon, in London, ordering fish and chips so often they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo autographed journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole. Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographjourney. Terms apply.

1:20:07Angie Martinez:not all over your kitchen counter. You can roll out dough, prep a party spread, or cook alongside family. When you're done, cleanup is as simple as lifting the paper and revealing that clean counter underneath. Effortless. You can use it for cooking and baking prep, and even crafting, especially when you need extra working space. Because when the mess is already handled, you can focus on what matters, the food, the people, and the moment. It may look effortless, but now you know, it's Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Take a tip from me, wet it, set it, prep it, done. Make it easy. Make it with Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper.

1:20:53Angie Martinez:Available now in the Reynolds Wrap Aisle in Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Costco. All right, before you go, hit our IRL Bowl, boo. Oh, my. Our IRL Bowl is sponsored by Walden University. Okay. Thank you to our friends at Walden. This is real life questions. Yes, Walden.

1:21:15What is the best and the worst decision you ever made? Oh, my gosh. Oh, wow. There's a many. Not a many. It doesn't have to be the best.

1:21:29Angie Martinez:What's the first one that comes in? Bad decision, good decision. Okay. The best decision I would say is, well, of course, getting with my ex and having Pilar. I would say that's the best. Yeah. Because I really didn't know that relationship was new and, you know, we had our blessing. So I would have to say that's the best decision I ever made. And worst decision I ever made. Ooh, Lord, child. Pick one. okay because that could have just been one question that didn't have to be fully loaded like that um okay worst decision ever made was probably compromising myself like in a lot of different situations yeah i don't you don't need to do that you don't i don't feel like you need to compromise yourself because you know why because at the end of the day your destiny is already set the gift that you have is going to take you right where you need to be so as long As long as you're a gift and you're fully aligned and you're living in divine alignment, you don't need to compromise yourself.

1:22:31You need to be you in your fullest self. And then what's meant for you will be for you. So if there's any situation that you have to compromise yourself. Come on, Portia. Hey, hallelujah. Come on, Portia. Really, if there's a situation you got to compromise yourself, don't do it. Yeah, it's not worth it.

1:22:46Angie Martinez:You're actually going against yourself. You're like, yeah, it's not good. Okay. You know, I like this question for you. It's very simple. when we started our podcast. No, you're taking it back up. No, this is good. I know I kept saying goodbye. This is how we usually used to start. This was our starter question. I have a starter question and an end question. This is the starter question. How happy are you, Portia, on a scale of one to 10 today? Oh, energy check. Today? Yeah. I am at a 10. Yay. Yeah, I'm at a 10. I had a really rough day yesterday and I like the way I handled it. I like the way I handled it.

1:23:21I felt triggered yesterday and I felt like I was going down a loop and I stopped myself and I started going solution-based and I handled it. And so I'm proud of it. Like every time I have a win like that, even though it feels like a loss, every time I have a win, I feel good. So today I am happy. 10. I'm a 10.

1:23:40Angie Martinez:That's amazing. I'm a 10. And my other favorite bowl in the question, which we ended with a lot is, and we'll end it today with that, is if God were to text you today, what would it say? Oh, my God. If God takes me today, we would say thank you for fighting for our relationship. Yeah. There's been a lot of different times in life where I have felt led away from God or I have felt like I wasn't as close or I did not pay attention. but I walk around my house all day speaking to God. I mean, and I teach my daughter to pray. And so I would have to say that we have a close relationship and I think that's what he would appreciate is me constantly him being in my mind and me thinking of him first and working on that relationship and working.

1:24:29You have to work on that relationship because the world is trying to pull you away. Your flesh is trying to pull you away. So you have to consciously be thankful and grateful, even in the midst of what you have going on. Even all that that we talked about today, I have to constantly say, but God. That was beautiful. Yeah. Thank you for today. Thank you. That's Portia in real life, everybody.

1:24:54This is Portia Williams in real life.

1:24:57Angie Martinez:Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like, comment, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Angie Martinez IRL podcast.

1:25:10Angie Martinez:This is Sophia Donner from OK Storytime. This summer, find your next obsession on Prime Video. And listen, we're not saying you need another obsession, but there could be a lot worse ones. Steamy romance, addictive love stories, and the book-to-screen favorites you've already read twice, so why not watch them a third time? Off Campus, Elle, The Love Hypothesis, and more. Slow burns, second chances, chemistry you can feel through the screen, and it makes you wish you were actually in that movie. We've got binge-worthy series, can't-miss movies, perfect for when you're ignoring your own problems or procrastinating, as one does.

1:25:45Angie Martinez:Your next obsession is waiting. Watch only on Prime. Ever wonder how to make hosting look effortless? Here's a secret. When prepping for cooking and baking, get ahead of the mess with new Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Just lightly wet the counter so the paper grips, lay it down, and drips and spills stay on the paper, not on your counter. Cleanup is as simple as lifting it away to reveal clean counters. Effortless it is, thanks to Reynolds Kitchen's countertop prep paper. Wet it, set it, prep it, done. Available in the Reynolds Wrap Aisle at Walmart, Target, Amazon, and Costco. If you're a maintenance supervisor at a manufacturing facility and your machinery isn't working right, Grainger knows you need to understand what's wrong as soon as possible.

1:26:36Angie Martinez:So when a conveyor motor falters, Grainger offers diagnostic tools like calibration kits and multimeters to help you identify and fix the problem. With Grainger, you can be confident you have everything you need to keep your facility running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done. Picture this. Me, Reese Witherspoon, in London, ordering fish and chips so often they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo Autograph Journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases.

1:27:18Angie Martinez:Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole. Wait, what is a toad in a hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autographjourney. Terms apply. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.