Bill Burr ROASTS Fat Joe + talks Eddie Murphy tribute, ‘The Social Reckoning’ & Jada’s viral Drink Champs story

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28:32Additional terms apply. See website for details. You know, I'm into graffiti and they dropped a new video yesterday, right? And I'm guilty for it. And I'm the only asshole running to YouTube to see the guys who hit the train. It's just everybody got their own shit. He wouldn't get off the fucking tables. I got the call. Right? Me, I'm addicted to graffiti. I'm looking at the shit. The tables will make you get off. What's your addiction, man? It was boost. It's not fentanyl. No. No. You worked in Vancouver? I worked in Vancouver. That fucking Skid Row puts L.A. to shame. Free drugs. Yeah. It's like free drugs, right?

29:16Well, they decriminalized it. So they... Just come here and do your drugs? No, no, no. Sell the drugs for free. When I went to Canada and I seen this, I thought they let you sell drugs for free. This is easy. This is easy. Yeah. You can't interrupt and then go ahead. Yeah. Tell them. Tell them what you were saying about the thing. I was trying to. Vancouver, let me hear about this. So this shit is, they decriminalized drugs because they acknowledged that addiction is a disease, but they just stopped there. They didn't then try to get them help, as far as I can tell. So they're just out there fucking smoking.

29:53It's insane. And everybody folded in half that Fennie fold is insane. Like, dude, I'm telling you guys that before the drugs couldn't touch their toes, and now their face is like looking at their ass. You're doing Pilates. Yeah. That's what I was joking about. Nobody on fentanyl has ever pulled a hammy. No. Never. They sit there for 20 minutes, fucking head down to the ground. They got the strongest hammies. They got shit in Pennsylvania and Philly. It's called a trink. It's tranquilizer. You, in America, you, what? When you go home, you go on YouTube and look for Philadelphia trink. You won't believe this shit.

30:33Okay, what is that? Zombies. Zombies. Every time you think, it's not going to go further. Somebody figures it out. The furthest it can go other than death. As of right now. Yeah, you see them bring guys back to life. They overdose and the guy's mad that they woke him up. Like, yo, that shit was the best shit. Why you woke me up? You fucked up my heart. Like, it's out of control. But what I was going to say to you is I used to sell drugs. Right? So there's always a piece of... Dude, your segues are fucking amazing. Criminality. There's always a piece of criminality. So when I go to what you said in Vancouver and I see it, I see, shit, you could sell drugs here and not go to jail.

31:15It feels like that, right? Like at that skid row where you... I didn't look at it that way. I did. I looked at it like, yo, we gonna make a fucking killing out here. Like, these guys are letting you sell drugs. Like, it looked like it was legal. And you wouldn't have to hide your money then. No, that's what sucks about being a criminal. Is you have to hide your money. You got to drive lesser of a car. Or if you get on the corporate side, you can steal legally. And you can drive down the street with like a top hat on. Tell you something. I went to Denver. Like one of those bankers from the fucking 1800s.

31:47Let me tell you something. All the smart mobsters went legal. I used to go. They did. They got to the legal side of stealing. They went. I used to go to Denver. Amber is the first place to legalize marijuana. They're doing all their scams. The fucking lotteries, the numbers, extortion. They do all of that. They do everything. They do every fucking thing the mob did. They just do it legal. They do it legally. God bless those guys. These are great guys. We got a notorious... That's why it sucked that they caught Luigi. I wanted to see him finish this list. Yo, yo, yo, yo! Yo, yo! I wanted to see...

32:20PG-13! Oh. Yo! It's a family show! Oh, God. See? This is why. This is why I do mine fucking above my garage. You don't give a fuck. No, I do. You do? I do because I don't want to deal with that because they always do that shit. You know what it is? You can do Hunger Games. You cannot do reverse Hunger Games. That's how it works. You can sell them a movie. Yeah, the future. Five guys have money and they're running around shooting people. Oh, wow, that's great. You do it the other way. Those people you were eating fucking come back and they're going to kill you guys. Well, I mean, that's kind of a message that, you know, we don't want to put out.

32:58That's how that works. Trust me, I know about it. Yeah, that's why I do it above the garage. No stipulations. You know what? You came by the day. No stipulations, Joe. You want to be stipulation free as much as you can. You want to limit stipulations. There you go. Look at that. That's your problem, Joe. You got too many stipulations in your life. And you're wearing it on your face. Get them, man. You're wearing it on your face. That's why he's dressed in his fucking track suit. He's trying to compensate for all the stipulations in his life. Let me tell you something, Bill. I grew up with shit.

33:33You were dressed like it's Sunday morning. Let me tell you something, Bill. It's Monday. It's the first day of the week. Look at you. You look like you just had some cereal. Yeah, you taste that. You look like the cereal killer in this movie fucking Apex. Anybody seen that movie on Netflix, Apex? he looked like the motherfucking killer he was fucking killing everybody this guy no wonder you on fucking Netflix you was killing everybody Cherise Thierry, that's the guy yo this motherfucking serial killer, how you bring Luigi's man in this shit right here fucking Luigi huh how about the fact that whole crime was on camera, that didn't disturb any of you New Yorkers that you live in a police state I mean, I understand you got to stop the guy.

34:22They had him all, until he went behind a tree, they couldn't film him. They had that whole thing. Yeah, they got that. I saw a thing. That's how they solving crime. It's no longer like real. It's true. You seen Jussie Smully yet, fellow actor? Yeah.

34:41Can you just say that name? Jussie Smully yet. Smully yet. I like that. Fellow actor? I think that's better than Smully yet. I've seen and heard a lot of shit in my life Jesse Smully took the fucking cake you hear me? he might as well go down like Paul Reveal like reacting they back him up he said he got beat up they back the film up and he's rehearsing choreography with the guys who beat him like yo Jesse Smully dude Jesse Smully that's my favorite thing ever they fucking took care of him Oh, I got to smell it. It's smell it. Just even I know that. He's just smelling it. He's saying the wrong thing.

35:25He likes. No, I get it. That's low key. I don't respect you because you lie. I get it. So I'm not going to be respect you enough to say your name right. I like that. You know, can I take that and pick up the flag after further review? Even if I love you, I get to. After further review, I understand why you said smell it. My bad. My bad. Replay the down. Replay the down. Somebody on my side. took the fucking flag back. You see how this shit go? Two-timer felon. That's the thing. It comes with age. You can admit when you're wrong. This guy works on the stage. He's called two-timer felon. You're doing a live talk.

35:56Can I come check you out? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I want to make sure my - 100%. I was saying before we came on, him telling that story, the guy taking the dap back, the amount of comedians I sent that to, all we talked about was how masterfully, comedically, you told that story. It was fucking amazing. Fucking amazing. Tell it too, brother. There you go. Let me tell you something. I hate these guys.

36:25Dude, you are a character, man. No. You are a fucking character. You are. You're not even trying, and you just are. Listen.

36:40Insane. It's like a tick. He can't say something. and he said, you grew up in a loud house. Listen, let me tell you something. I got, hey, Joe has something to say. We're here for you, Joe. You can just. You've never seen me, DJ Khaled and Norrie on a regular, not camera, just in the crib eating. Can't nobody get a word. Yo, let me fucking talk. Yo, I got something to say. Can I talk now? The whole conversation is, Kim, we talk. We just screaming at each other. Yeah, because nobody's listening. Nobody wants to fucking... Everybody wants to... Nobody wants to listen. But what I was going to say is I hate these guys.

37:24Who? These guys he's talking about. Just look. Smully yet? You've moved on to... Not Smully yet. That's been gone. I'm just trying to keep up. One of the icons that I love, Living Legends, I wouldn't call her auntie I just love her so much Stephanie Mills and she says she goes where she celebrated not where she's tolerated and it's a lot of motherfuckers that go where they tolerate well you know we really don't want you here but you there right so that's that story that he's telling us like he took his dad back like what are you even doing we don't even really fuck with you you know and with me you know I've been doing this 30-something years, and we went through a phase where we were the number one guys in the world, so every groupie that you could think of was trying to latch on to us.

38:16Every groupie. To come 25 years later and the young brother from the Bronx, A Boogie, now he's the biggest. He says, Joe, I'm doing this big show, come by. And I go to his dressing room, and the same groupies from Fat Joe and Big Pun in 1997 are in the A Boogie. These are grown men groupies in A Boogie's room like, yo, you want a piece of cake? You want of this? What the fuck is like... You know, and then they say, they tell their family, I'm in the industry. They tell their family, yeah, I'm in the industry. You know, in this industry, I'm like, what industry is these people fucking talking about?

38:56What qualifies you for being in the industry? Tell me that. Being in the industry? No! No, no. Get paid? That could make one. If you're in some type of entertainment, you're getting paid, that's a good one. You know, because these guys, they turn around and say they're in the industry. They tell their families, they broke as shit, and their job is groupie. And they get the Dax taken back. Like, you're my man. We don't fucking know you, man. Get the fuck out of here. Like, I mean, it's amazing to me. It's an industry. Just for the record, I understood the story when he told... You understood the story, correct?

39:37I understood it, yeah. I didn't know where you were going with that joke. I don't know where the fuck I'm going. I just... It just always lands. It always lands. It's like the fucking... It does. It does land. What's that spaceship? The Artemis? The passengers might not be there when you land, but you definitely land whatever you were flying. That motherfucker's gonna make sense. And then sometimes I catch a little Alzheimer's or something. Sometimes I freeze up and they'll be like, you know what the fuck I'm talking about? And then I get it. Bam, you was talking about this, Joe. Get it there.

40:12You know what I'm saying? Very important. I want to hear about the social reckoning for a minute. Oh, social reckoning. Socially reckoning. That was the movie I was doing when I was up in Vancouver when I saw that Skid Row. So I did like a week on that movie. It's an Aaron Sorkin movie. and it's not a sequel to the social network. It's a, where that one showed how Facebook came about. This is more showing sort of the results, I think, overall of like social media and stuff like that. And it's an amazing script. I can tell you that. I think it's going to be an amazing movie. I read really slow, right?

40:53So when I got the script, it was like 145 pages. And I'm like, oh fuck, it's usually about 105, 110. So I have to literally be like, all right, I'm going to read 30 pages a day. I'll get through this shit in like four days. I sat down. I couldn't stop reading it. I went in one sitting, read the thing. And I went there. It was one of the most fun I've had shooting things, you know, cool actors. And Aaron was great. So I think that that comes out in like October. But it's getting some good buzz already. Good for you. And you are welcome to see it, Brad Joe. This isn't like tennis. You're welcome.

41:28You might be the next Marty Supreme. you never fucking know you never know the Facebook movie might be like the ping pong movie you know I met the algorithm let me ask you a question let me ask you a question Bill because you look very intelligent let me ask you a question I feel like you're selling me a bad car I met hey Bill you're a smart guy the hoodie comes up he's going to do something shady like what's going on he's about to line you Bill I meant the algorithm.

42:05How long is this podcast? No, no, I mean that in a good way. I mean that in a good way. Joe, you are fascinating. You are a fascinating individual. We're going to get you out of here in the next 30 minutes because former mobster Joey Molino's here. We don't want him to tell you. Oh, there you go. So I'm the appetizer. We don't want Joey to pull you to the side at this show I would tell you, you know, you old dudes are taxing some shit like that. You know what I'm saying? But I'm in Nate now. It's my favorite Jewish deli out in L.A. And I'm eating my split pea soup. Girl comes over. She says, hey, do you want to meet the owner of Instagram?

42:43So I go over there. I meet the guy. He got the fucking. I said, oh, shit. You're the algorithm. You control Instagram. You're the fucking. He said, yeah, well, you can say it like that, Joe. I am the algorithm. Wait, you met a guy in LA and you said you are the algorithm and he confirmed that? I met the fucking owner of Instagram. He's the algorithm. If I own Instagram. Yeah, you wouldn't admit to that. And Victor, and fucking Victor meets me and I feel like, hey, that's photography. Let me light him up and give him two, three million to subscribe. I can. I'm the algorithm. Let me tell you something.

43:24shout out to Michael Jackson family the movie's number one in the country Jada he says shit and then when it's your turn to talk he then goes let me tell you something and then and then he keeps going and then he keeps going and he keeps going he got him you got the easiest job in show business you just sit there you can say that again All Jada's got to do is sit up and go And then he goes, let me tell you something I said, alright, I'm back I went and I saw a band one night And this guy was talking so much between songs It was driving me nuts because he was great He talked for 10 minutes one time And then said, first of all I swear to God, I was just sitting there going How the fuck are you?

44:09How about in conclusion? Alright You want to know what happens, Bill? Do I have a choice? I mean, you're going to tell me either way Sometimes you get a gig Just tell me what happened Joe Sometimes you get a gig How many times a week do you get your beard lined up? Every day Actually my barber fucked up today It was his birthday, should have went to act He was supposed to come at 8 in the morning I really would have had that shit Every time I see you it's that length You fucking Paper cut your finger My shit looked like 3D My shit like When I was in jail, the first thing I got was a barber Swear to God The first thing I got, I said Who's the best barber in this motherfucker?

44:54Motherfucker comes up, poppy, with the fucking bone in the tail You were on your own wavelength I'm telling you the truth You were just your own fucking thing Who says that going to jail? Let me get a shank so I don't get fucked in the ass He's like, I want my beard to look good When I'm getting sexually assaulted What crew do I need to align with so I don't get fucked in the ass. This guy, you guys got a post office?

45:24He went to jail like Jimmy the Jet. He had his own wing. The first thing I got was a barber. The barber told me, I said, yo, how much is the most you get paid? Because I pay my barber hundreds of dollars a cut. Like, for real, right? But you said, the guy, luckily in jail, you can work a month doing some shit, You get paid a Snickers bar. The motherfucker say he want$5. I'm going to give you$100 a month. But when I call you... But when I what? When I call you, I don't care who you cutting, what's going on. Yo! Bobby! You got to lead that. You got to run up here. Was that a smart move, though? Huh?

46:08Was that a smart move, though? Letting people know you had$100? $100? I'm Fat Joe don't fucking they know I'm rich when I'm walking down you fucking great that's what I'm saying I would immediately attack Fat Joe the second he went in jail I'd have been like yo you got the pay you got the pay but anyway I give him a hundred bucks and I tell him yo so I come out there

46:32any given Sunday Bobby Mr. Joe he start running up the shit in front of the old man he's gonna get my shit a little it's all a movie it's all a you know it's a production it's theater you know what I mean are you bailing on your own story no I'm telling you the truth it's part of that shit I remember spinning on this marble because I got I got friends who did massive amount of jail time in real jails right so I had like a pamphlet a preparation the night before pistol beast to the miles I said your pistol how's it gonna be for me because this is the first time I'm doing time. He said, just like you live out here, you're going to live in there.

47:17You the dog. He ain't never lying. When it had that shit locked down, chef, Italian chef cooking for me, mozzarella, fresh homemade ice cream, mozzarella, mozzarella homemade, fresh ice cream, all type of shit. I had a guy used to wash my cell. You could eat ice cream off the fucking floor. This shit was so, it's shiny as your fucking head, Bill Burr in the fucking floor. You threw that in because you know I'm not buying all of this. What? How many set of cameras are there? You would have had to pay. Bill, let me explain. You see how many cameras is in here? There was thousands of guys locked up with me.

47:56Wait a second. Ain't nobody saying he lying. Everybody. I had thousands of guys locked up with me. Ain't nobody saying I'm lying. I tell these stories all the time. You ain't got one person come out like, nah. That ain't. Nah, yes. It's true. Yes, it's true. Joe had it like that. Sorry. Sorry, not sorry. Phil Bird, they say I could be good at fucking stand-up comedian, but I don't know, man. It's much harder than just telling jokes with your friends. Once you establish your vibe, because it took me like 10 minutes, and then, all right, I get this guy. You just say something, and then he answers a different question, and then you just listen.

48:40yo Bill you're very sharp cause you you're sharp because you figured it out will you stop doing this cell phone salesman shit to me I'm not buying the plan no it takes people it takes people time to figure out that Joe you figured me out in 10 seconds no 10 minutes it was 10 minutes I can't shut the fuck up I have a problem why do you think do you think that's trauma based ego based ego based trauma based you need to take your hood off so your head doesn't get too hot. You know what happened was when I grew up, guys like me wouldn't tell their story. Right? So I'm from the streets. There was a time built where I used to say, yo, no pictures.

49:22I'm in the club with all the other drug dealers and they going, yo, and I'd be like, yo, yo, no pics. Nah, I can't be in the pics. Or there was no storytelling because you couldn't trust nobody to tell a story. So all these stories I had, I would not even tell him shit. I was the guy. You'd be like, he's unapproachable. He's not a nice guy. You would see him from far. You'd be like... So when did that change? Soon as the podcast and everybody said you could talk and you could be cool now and Drake started making hotline bling. Shit like that. I know when the hotline bling. That's when you allow to be yourself.

49:59Once Drake was like, you, you, you, you. I said, oh, shit. We ain't got to live up to this shit. We could just, I know when the hotline bling. That's it. I said, yeah, you can be yourself. Fucking be funny. Everybody likes a fucking former gangster turned funny guy. That's true. Everybody loves that. Remember, what the fuck was that movie where the guy was, was it Robert De Niro? He was a gangster and then turned into a nice guy. Analyze this. Analyze this. That was a motherfucker, that movie, huh? Everybody likes a funny gangster. Yeah. Yeah, I agree.

50:43I feel like James, you were selling them weed in the suburbs and shit. No, I didn't smoke weed until later in life. Yeah? I always stayed away from it. Why? Because this guy, when I was in fourth grade, came to our school, and he told us what it was like to have emphysema. And he goes, make a fist like this and try to breathe through it. That's what happens if you smoke. So I was just like, all right, I'm not fucking doing that. I was the one kid like he connected with. So I wouldn't smoke anything. But I drank like a lunatic. So I just went that direction. So it wasn't until like my 30s. You can't drink alcohol your whole life.

51:23It beats the shit out of you. So at some point, and I still had my demons. So I needed something to take the edge off. So I started smoking weed. But all the old people tell me that the weed nowadays is not the way it used to be. and it's like it's all like fucking chemicals. I know guys that, they used to smoke all the time when I was younger in like the 80s. They quit. They quit because they're saying that the weed is too intense. All I'm looking at is pie heads and this motherfucker. They're like... Yeah. Did you set the smoke like... All the older guys who used to smoke, is the weed the same as back in the day?

51:57No, no. They were smoking... They were smoking... They just like TVs. They had the TVs with the big backs on them. now and you got big TVs that grandma can carry his life. You know what I'm saying? That's what happened to the weed. It evolved. The chemists, they got more resources, more shit. He's right. You try to smoke weed with somebody who smoked in the 70s and 80s, the weed today will blow their fucking socks off. Yeah, that happened to me at Thanksgiving. I went to give somebody a gummy and she goes, it's not going to do anything for me. I go, it's like 10 milligrams. She goes, yeah, I need at least 100.

52:37So I was like, wow. And then like an idiot, whatever she was smoking, I took two hits of. And then after I was going like, I shouldn't have done that. And then like I sat down, I just wasn't, I wasn't at Thanksgiving for like three hours. No, my wife literally kept saying, like people kept trying to talk to me and she kept going, he's useless, he's useless. That's what it was. And you're hearing that in 3D. Oh yeah. No, it's like I was paralyzed. Like I was laying. You're paralyzed. Like people didn't know I could hear him. You're useless, you're useless. You know, I don't drink. I'll tell you some bullshit my wife did to me, man.

53:07And fucking Nori helped me. So we have these, like, lunch dates with his wife, my wife, and we in Miami, and we fucking Bell Harbor. And these guys start, you know, they drinking for breakfast, right? So everybody's drinking, and Nori starts smoking blunts in the middle of Bell Harbor. Like, nah, we violated Bell Harbor like you've never seen in your life. And, you know, they love us there. You know, we always shop. Next thing I know is I'm getting, I'm fucking drunk like a boxer when he's about to get knocked out that the motherfucker's on his tippy toe. Like, I'm really like this. I'm standing up against the wall.

53:43Like, it's like two in the afternoon. I'm like, because I don't really drink. I feel my hand getting pulled, like pulled in a direction. So I'm getting pulled as my wife. And I'm like stuck inside myself. Like, I kind of know what's going on, but I'm so fucking drunk there's nothing I can do. And she takes me to the store. You know there's stores, you don't even want to look to the left. The diamonds are so shiny as shit. They're the stores we know we can't afford. Like grass and shit like that. And you just don't look at that shit when you walk in the mall. And all of a sudden they open the door.

54:24And I go in there. Now, Nori is supposed to be the drink chap, the more professional guy. He more drunk than me stuck. He's stuck. He's worse than me. They sit him in a chair. The guy comes out and brings out these white gloves.

54:43How you doing, Mr. Joe? Your wife's been looking at this necklace here. This is the state of the art. I'm like, you motherfucker. I'm in my head. Fuck your mother, you motherfucker. I'm like this. And she's looking at me like, you don't want that right cause you know this ain't the store you supposed to go into I'm like you don't want that right she's like yes yes and I'm fucking I'm like this and Nori look more scared than me and he's the dream champ he's looking at me like oh shit man I wind up getting her that fucking necklace this shit cost so much fucking money I remember tipping someone out of that shit I never did that shit again They never caught me.

55:30I know how to learn my lesson. You didn't drink near a drink. They never catch me in that fucking place drunk again in my fucking life. That was like 10 years ago. You're not doing it to me. Shame on you. What George Bush said? You get me one time. Shame on me. They get me the second time. Fuck no. I know I seen the play. That's not what he said. He said, you fool me once. Shame on you. You fool me twice. Then he got confused. And then he just goes, you're not going to fool me again. That's what he said. That's what he said.

56:08That's why I always said, I went to summer school, too. So I always had a soft spot for him. I said, I've been there, George. Yeah, we all know what you were trying to say. It's all right. Y 'all did.

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59:20Tell us about the tribute to Eddie Murphy. Oh, man. AFI, the American Film Institute. I didn't know what it is. I'm an idiot. I didn't know. I didn't know if it was AF1 or AFI. I didn't know what it was. I just said, tell us about the Eddie Murphy tribute. Yeah, so it was on Netflix, your boys with the stipulations.

59:44Netflix, we love you guys. They were doing a tribute or an honoring of his whole career. So it's on a Saturday night. So it's literally Friday. And my wife goes, she says to me, she's like, how are you feeling about this? You know, because I'm, you know, because I've been so volatile over the years. She always has to like check my emotional temperature before we go out just to see what she was going to be involved in. So out of habit, she said, how are you feeling? I was like, oh, it's great. You know, I'm showing up to this thing. I don't have to do anything. I get to like you know chill out and just watch this show and it's Eddie this is gonna be amazing and literally right as I said that she got a phone call and they were asking if I would go up and say a few things and I immediately got super nervous because it's Eddie so I quickly said yes before I would like you know chicken out or whatever and uh yeah I ended up having to go up there and I don't know how you guys work but my thing is if I write the whole because I had a teleprompter if I write the whole thing out I am like in robot mode I am like in my head and it's like I'm not connected to it so i had to like i had to like sort of have an idea what i was gonna say but what was cool was i saw eddie on the raw tour in um 1986 at this place uh the uh what was it called it's called great woods and what was cool was i saw rodney dangerfield like a week before because he was coming off of that uh back to school and they were both huge and they were playing these giant things and i went i saw rodney and he was fun and hilarious and all that but he had like an all white crowd but i didn't notice because i was from the suburbs so it just looked like everything i was going to but when i saw eddie he had this mixed crowd and this is before i was a comedian i don't know why that stuck in my head but um i remember seeing it i was like 18 i was going this guy is literally he's making everybody laugh i'm not shitting on rodney but this guy had young old black white asian everybody was there and he was fucking killing he had the purple suit too i wanted to ask him about that it's like did you have more than one did you wear it the whole fucking tour.

1:01:42He probably had more than... Yeah. I don't know. Some guys wear the same shit the whole tour, like, and they're not broke. They just... That's the cop. Makes sense. Yeah, you coming. Yeah, but that's how watching him do that, I was thinking, you know, if I ever did stand-up, I would want to be able to make everybody laugh. You know what I mean? So, and it was really one of the best lessons I ever got. So, anyway, I got to go up and say a few words and it went great, but it was super intimidating because it was him, all 10 of his kids, whoever they married, It was like the Kennedy family of comedy just staring right at you.

1:02:1540 years later, it was really crazy. You know what I love about Eddie Murphy? In our line of business, music, a lot of the icons, a lot of the entertainers we looked up to either got on drugs or fucked up. They broke. You see him and it feels horrible when you see some of the guys who made the biggest songs or made us laugh the most or whatever. and when I seen that documentary and it just opened up on Eddie Murphy in like a$90 billion house I was like yes yeah this motherfucker ain't get high you know my favorite thing he said in that documentary he said yeah he goes I never got into drugs or anything he goes I loved myself which I've never heard a comedian say you know what I mean it was cool so even though y 'all funny and y 'all use humor a lot of y 'all got like dark past and shit like that and go through some shit yeah yeah Well, that's the thing.

1:03:10So you use humor. Like a lot of times something fucked up happens in the news and then you have a joke about it and they think it's because you don't care. It's the opposite. It's like a, it's a way of not feeling the feeling that you make a joke so you can get past it so you can deal with it and blah, blah, blah. Some people, you know, some people go into music. Some people go this way. Comedians, what we do is we use humor. And the thing that I think is hard about that for your personal life is that is like, it's denying of feelings. So you just sort of stay walled off. And that can become difficult for you and the people in your life after a while.

1:03:47Fact. You need that outlet. You know, you need that outlet. To me, music is therapeutic. So I don't care how... You know, the other day I'm writing a song and Dre tells me, they know you're not killing motherfuckers in the bodega, Joe. They know you're not selling drugs no more. But I just don't know how to not make violent music. Like the beat comes on. I just get to killing. No. It's the fucking truth. Last year I left San Tropez. We was on vacation. I got on the Lestanza first class. This. I threw a beat on. Kill your mom's nigga. Yo, it's on. This, that. I don't know how to not do that. So do it.

1:04:29Yeah. Why don't you talk about being court-sized at Atlanta? Well, we do that too. Yeah. You know, court-sized Atlanta. this is the one time I got security by the way Bill everybody's scared of me I don't know if you know everybody's scared of me and my security I got security but pretty much we feed him and we pay him for free because he's never had to have an argument with one person in his life right and I told him when we went to that Atlanta Hawks game I said listen this is going to be the first time in your life you're going to earn a check because I'm ready to fight the whole stadium I'm going down for my Knicks thank God everybody was gracious everybody showed us love I'm an asshole when it comes to my Knicks I gotta go over there Why are you blaming other teams?

1:05:18Why are you blaming other teams? It's not the Atlanta Hawks fault where the Knicks have been they're just doing what you're trying to do it's misdirected anger I gotta go You didn't want to hear that He just goes, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:05:40Are you having a nervous breakdown? Like, what is happening right now? Like, what the fuck? It just got eerily silent here. You know what happens is some people, man, some people just, you're right. You're fucking right. Like, it's like, you know, some people got problems. I got a fucking problem. I'm just going to start doing what you're doing. I'm just going to do what you're doing. That's it. That's it. You just do this. You do this every once in a while? Mm-hmm. Stretching out. You know what I mean? Come back. Come back. You're really, you're patient. You got that down. I'm trying to work on that.

1:06:13Patience. Well, if I had another guy that was crazy like me, we'd have beef with the whole fucking planet Earth. Thank God he could pull me down to Joe Chill, relax. What are you really upset about? If you had your nephew? Nah, I don't give a fuck about him. I didn't mean he knew he was a piece of shit. Well, your nephew's affecting in your life way more than the Atlanta Hawks. And it seemed like you had way more, you had way more like aggression towards them. If I'm upset about anything, it's that I hate getting old. Like I like to be forever young and I want to live forever. So I want the drugs to hurry up and come.

1:06:53I know once I die, they're going to make the shit that make you live for 200 years. Nah, you got the shit that make you healthy, the peptides and all that, but I want the shit. You like the direction shit is going in? You want to see how this plays out? Nah. This is going to blow out. They're coming out with cars in 2027 that have all AI surveillance. They're setting this up where one person can run the world because their armies used to get spread out too thin. You're on two fronts and you would lose. So this is what they're doing. Like those fucking cars, man, that don't have a driver. They're going to sell those to people like, oh, yeah, now you can fucking sleep on the way to work.

1:07:30and it's like, yeah, that's also your own police car. Like if they decide to make you think you're going to the gym, you said the wrong thing, they're taking you to that fucking alligator island. There's nothing you can do. Sitting in your sweatpants. Thinking you're going to talk to the barber down there and you're not. Are you going to own robots? There's no post office. Are you going to own robots? You live long enough. Are you going to own robots? You got robots now. No, no, I'm going to own a fucking robot. Yo, made me Carnegie Sop. See, that's the mistake, is you think you're going to own it.

1:08:06That's the mistake. The robot's going to own me? Yeah, that's a surveillance. You're bugging your own house. They're doing fucking refrigerators. Oh, no, everybody's bugged in their house. Yeah, why? You see this guy? He killed the girl, the fucking, the singer. What's his name? Joe, don't get a robot and bring it in your house. I've never heard of him. I'm already surveilled all fucking day. They tapped my ass. I'm tapped out. Lights went out off that. I'm fucking tapped. The lights went out. That came from the Lord. That came from the Lord. Yeah, the Lord turned the lights out. They tapped your ass.

1:08:42Now, that's the super pause. What I'm trying to tell you is that. I was trying to tell him earlier that the barber isn't your biggest problem when you go to jail. You don't even got it. We don't fucking tap. Everywhere you go, we don't tap. For some reason, good stuff, though. I drove my wife's car the other day, and I tried to get my Bluetooth in. I wanted to hear some Jayim, right? And it wouldn't take. And one of my friends would say, man, you are having good luck with going in your wife's shit. Every phone call come your way. They can hear everything, God damn it. You know how you got your phone to the laptop?

1:09:19My man was like, yo, man, God is looking out. Make sure your phone don't go up on the fucking shit. You know? I don't know what you're talking about. But yeah, I think we're surveilled. I don't never feel like we're not surveilled. So I don't never say shit that I wouldn't say if there weren't 100 people right in my face. And even if it sounds bad, I don't give a fuck. I would say it in front of 100 people. Sometimes I'm very opinionated. Sometimes I say some shit that I just don't give a fuck. I'm going through that trauma you used to go through. You got it, Bill. You got it. Bill, you got it.

1:10:00Bill, let me tell you something, man. Let me tell you something, man. Let me tell you about the number one ratings, Bill. We came, speaking of the robot, we came, we put up the podcast. And let me tell you something. These other podcasts, they look like fucking dinosaurs right now. They're doing like the fucking robot man for real. Like I look at, I try to look at all these podcasts, maybe 10 minutes. I'm like, man, these guys are in trouble. Like you either get with the program or not, our shit got fluidity. Our shit every day, we got a different. Fluidity. Fluidity. We got a different fucking person.

1:10:36Can't you just do a podcast and not start beef with every other podcast out there? I mean, it's a peaceful, it's a peaceful space to create. Anybody can do it. You don't have to come after all these people. No, I want beef with everybody. But you figured it out. There's only one exception. Who are you going after first? I went at everybody. Does Ellen DeGeneres have one you don't like? I tried, though. I tried. Like, I'm not going to lie to you. I tried to start, like, the East Coast, West Coast, North, South podcast. I tried first episode. I was like, fuck everybody, whoever won. Nobody responded.

1:11:12Like, they don't...

1:11:17Nobody responded. Nobody wait for it. I can't. All right. I can't. I can't. How much longer? Like, well, you. I just can't. Like, none of this shit makes. You want to beef with Pete Davidson? You don't want to beef with Pete? You start everything. You just step into insanity. There's like the logical and you just. Step into insanity. Ew. You just step into insanity. Yeah, like I have been trying to go talk to you. and it's just like, I don't know where to jump in. Bill Burr, people who really know you, they be like, yo, that's the wrong guy to give you that fucking therapy right there. Yo, two times.

1:11:52We got a coffee. NBA talk. So you're like, what's your team? Did you just order a coffee in the middle of all of that? That was just like fucking, like, what just happened? You were here, you went at a restaurant. You just said you were in a fucking Taliban cave shooting your show. You don't give a fuck. It's connected to the phone. You good to go. we got this one off. I said a hotel room. Same shit, hotel room. If you put that light to see where the Stevens at in that fucking room, you wouldn't want to sleep in that bitch. Hey. All right. I'm glad I fucking did my podcast before I talked to you.

1:12:29Jesus Christ. All right, you're going to bring up what? NBA? NBA. I'm a hockey guy. I watch hockey. Oh. Yeah. I heard it. That's what I do when somebody brings up NBA. Who's laughing? in the playoffs, right? Oh, it's the first round. So everybody's left in the playoffs. Who's the best team in the hockey? Probably the Avalanche. And I'd say in the East it's probably Carolina. But the best first round matchup has been, I feel, has been Canadians versus the Tampa Bay Lightning. Like the first three games went into overtime. And then also it's good when, it's good for hockey when the Canadians are good, even though they're like...

1:13:08Always, right? Yeah, yeah. They're always good, right? Yeah. It's like baseball wasn't fun when the Yankees sucked in the 80s. It's like, as a Boston fan, I want to beat them, but I don't want to beat them when they stink. You know, you want to... As a Boston, one time I went to Boston and I had a Yankee hat on and no fucking restaurant would let me eat dinner there because I had a Yankee hat on and I wouldn't take the shit off. Yeah. I went to like eight fucking restaurants. You guys are terrible over there, Boston. I hate the Yankees like that, right? We did until we won and then the movie ended and then ESPN tries to keep it going, but there's...

1:13:40It's not the same. Yeah, so you would chant 1918, then we won, so you can't chant that. You got 27, nobody's going to catch up with that. So there's really nothing going on. And at this point, it's kind of about the Dodgers, where they're sort of like a hedge fund spending like a billion dollars. I don't know. I'm not into that. Like, it's going to cause a strike, I think. The Dodgers? Yeah, because then other players are going to want to get paid the way they're getting paid on the Dodgers. And then the other owners, certainly the owners like the Pittsburgh Pirates, who should be kicked out. Their owners should be kicked out.

1:14:11They're not going to want to pay anybody. So then there'll be like a lockout and that dumb shit. So the Pittsburgh Pirates don't pay? Well, because they have like that whole, you know, somehow like the collective revenue of the TV contracts. I don't know how it is, but like they can somehow own that team and never try to be competitive and still make like millions and millions of dollars. No, it's brutal because they were... So it's like a tank. Yeah, they've been tanking since Barry Bonds. Since Willie Stardew. No, no. Willie Stargell was the real deal. But they were winning them. They won in like 61.

1:14:44They won in the early 70s. And they won in 79. And didn't do so well in the 80s. And somewhere along, these guys came in and bought that team. And that ended up, and they were just in it for the money. It's terrible. You know what's crazy is I'm a big Yankee fan. But I really love that guy in the Dodgers. The Asian guy. fucking incredible. This guy, he'll pitch a game, he'll hit a home record game, he'll play the outfit with you. This guy is fucking... No, he's in. Babe Ruth. He's the second coming. Better than Babe Ruth. Yeah, because he's playing against everybody. He's pitching. He's playing the field.

1:15:25He's fucking hitting. He's better than Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth did win a Cy Young for pitching though. He did? Yeah, he did. I didn't know. I didn't know. the babe. You got any of your fucking intelligent questions over there? I asked him things that he came here to be asked. Now, let me tell you something, man. Oh! Listen. Yo, Bill, man. Thank you for coming to the show, man. Don't forget my tickets, man. I'm coming to see you live. It was an honor to come here. I'm a huge fan of both of you guys. And I love what you're doing here. Thank you. And, yeah, I, you know, this is that Eddie Murphy thing I learned.

1:16:10Go on every podcast. Everybody comes to your show. It's a better show. So, yeah, because they have me on the white guy email list. Live Nation does. So they just put out the blast and I couldn't figure out why. Because I would come and I would, you know, wherever I would be, I'd run into some black guy would come up to me and be like, oh, man, I love your shit. When are you doing a show? I was like, oh, I was last night. I was right over there. How come I didn't know? How come I didn't know? Do you know what I think? They have a white email. Yeah, that's what they do. Certain white people don't know they're cool in the hood like that.

1:16:41Like, they just don't. Because fucking last week, Maury Bovich came there, and I fucking thought, like, the best guy in the fucking universe came. Like, I didn't know how much I'm a fan of Maury. I'm sitting here like, what the fuck? This is Maury Bovich. You are the father. The whole time, I swear to God. I'm like, this shit is fucking nuts. No, but I think that's one of the best things as a performer when someone as different as you could be comes up and says that they like your stuff. Some guy from like Kazakhstan stopped me on the street and was saying, oh, I love your stuff. I was just like, all right, that's, you know, you got a comedy club over there?

1:17:22I'll head over. You know, you go to Morocco, they got the little guy. You know about the little guy? He ain't got about this little. All right, his hoodie's up. So I'm in. I'm in on this one. Have you met the little guy? There's a little guy. By the way, this did not come unnoticed that this match is this. I mean, I don't know how long it takes black guys to get dressed in the morning, but that is fucking impressive. That is impressive. That would take me six months just to find that. There's a fucking guy over here. Let me tell you something. There's a little guy. There's a little guy in Morocco.

1:18:00My God. Man, he's a fucking grown man with a suit. He's this big. And you meet him, he'd be in the clubs and shit like that. How did you meet this guy? In the clubs. But, you know, we got the proof. French Montana came. He's from Morocco. He said he knows the little guy. And then we've seen video and pictures. We got to meet the motherfuckers. Okay, there's a little guy in Morocco. What does he do? He's smaller than a watermelon. They got a picture of him with a suit on a watermelon sitting like he's on the fucking Mount Rushmore. He's that little. He's got a vibe. He's the man. He's got a vibe.

1:18:41Because you said Kazakhstan. The only thing I can think of of Kazakhstan is Borat. Borat. Borat. Borat. Oh, my God. No, because Kazakhstan, I thought it was Kazakhstan. He's alive. Go Google this guy. That's who he's talking. He's the real guy. Everybody thought I was lying. Yes. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. He ain't real. First of all, he's like six. No, he's a grown man. Where's the camera? Yeah. He still looks like... I'm not saying he's not a dwarf. Can somebody get how old he is? All right. Okay. He's too young to be in the club, whatever the fuck he is. No! I knew a Dominican guy like that, too.

1:19:36Apparently, those little guys, they like the club. I think you got a fetish, dude. I've been to a bunch of fucking countries. I don't run into these little guys in suits. I can't fucking believe it. In that picture, Bill, he was 20. The one he just loved, he was 20. I don't know how old he was. He's a grown-ass fucking man. Nelson died. The one from... He knows multiple of them. Santa Domenica. I knew a guy who used to hang out with us in the Bronx. You know who used to hang out with us? Stephen Baldwin. You know Stephen Baldwin? Yes. The handsome brother. He used to come down to the Bronx with us.

1:20:09What happened? The handsome brother.

1:20:15He used to hang out with us. You know, I got to do a benefit tomorrow. Just to let you know if you're going to wrap this up. All right. Y 'all check this out. This ain't that. That ain't this. It's cracking kiss. Make some noise for Bill Burr, baby. Bill Burr! All right. Hey, thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, brother. That was the last. Easiest podcast ever. When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays.

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