Tiffany Haddish tells HILARIOUS Fat Joe stories, talks new Peacock show & her 2 songs w/ Jadakiss?!

26:03I don't want to say where because I want to go back. But it's one of them shows where I should have never did this song. Put your hands up. It was crazy. That's it. Electronic. I get through all of that. That smell cut through the air. It's horrific. I get through. I'm backstage. You keep chilling. Now, this is when they still got the disposable yellow cameras. Sure. I'm talking to somebody. Brule's over there laughing I wonder what he's laughing for When I turn around It's one of them with no shirt on He took a selfie with me Look Dog I was the maddest You know some of the ballplayers It was all over my shoulder It was all over me And it's like you gotta burn the shirt I won't say who But I seen you with a guy one time And I seen you was handling him like a dude dude yeah yeah you was like yo stay there and this guy was actually flat nah she had like i can't say but i was watching you was moving like a dude like you was like yo over there you know you move when i move this this thing i was looking i said damn tiffany really on top of the world right now she can't handle any motherfucker like that like you know she had him like you know sit on the side no pics no pics with you nowhere near you know she had that boy like.

27:34Over there. Yeah, Tiff. Yo, Tiff, I see it. I see it with my old eyes. Well, which one of those was it? It's a couple of those. No, it was an NBA player. A couple of those. NBA player? Yeah. It was an NBA player. Trey's getting, now we getting warm. I'm just saying. No, I'm not. We not doing that. We ain't. You didn't. I'm just saying. I ain't hit one of those yet. I ain't hit one of those yet. You're a liar. I have been trying to hit. Tiff, you been lying a lot. No, I have not. I am not. You ain't. First of all, first of all, what you ain't feeling for me is no lie, okay? Hey, I'm not finna lie on my stuff.

28:10I have yet to hit an NBA player. I am working on it tentatively. That's why. Now, maybe you might have. I was there. I was performing live. You was sonning him. You had him over there. He's a fly guy, too. I wasn't there with him. Move now. I wasn't there. First of all, first of all, I wasn't there with him. I was there with that white boy that was reaching over your food. And that's why I was checking. Maybe the other dude was on the other side of him, but I was checking the white boy that was reaching over your food. And I said, don't be reaching over motherfucking food like that.

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32:31Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Ear Say, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I'm sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook Project Hail Mary, massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone very far from earth. I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections and it's like, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it.

33:15But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic. That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end. It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Bro, from the show last night to this drive, why is it never chill? Cause this is our life. Backstage, on the road, it's loud, messy, real. And that's the best part. Whole crew, no plan, just moving. Good thing Nissan builds for that kind of chaos. Not just test tracks, real life scenes.

33:53Late nights, road trips, all of it. That's why it holds up. Nissan was ranked number one in initial quality among mainstream brands by J.D. Power. Yeah, you can tell. 2026 Nissan Rogue built for what really happens. For J.D. Power 2025 U.S. Initial Quality Study Award information, visit jdpower.com slash awards. Awards based on 2025 model year. Newer models may be shown. Yo, I was at your stand up and you talked about you went to jail in Beverly Hills. Yes. How was that like? That was so nice. I've been to many jails. I've been to many jails. I'm going to tell you, that's the nicest jail I've ever been to.

34:33and I've been to like 10 or 15. And I'm going to tell you, that was the nicest one. They got a call button in there. It's very clean. What's the call button? The police are very like respectful, I guess because they're getting paid more than the average police officer. It was great. They served like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and actual tang. Like it was great. You know, I went to UK, right? So I was banned from the UK for no reason, for many reasons because I went to jail. but they so they wouldn't let me back in and the promoters would be like yo I got you I got the juice this this that I'd be like yo bro I can't get in so they booked me for one of them stadiums over there and they like yo boom so I fly over there and they go Fat Joe what's up this is something's a little off can you step back here with me I said sure no problem he was like could you and I just came off the plane I'm in the airport they were like could you put your hands in there I'm like searched me nicely it was like they opened up a thing and it was like you want a turkey sandwich?

35:35I took a turkey sandwich, a juice, apple juice to this. Then they took me to this room. They opened the door. I went inside. They closed the door. There was no handle. And they're like, hello? You in the nicest jail ever created. I'm stuck here. They had a poster, Bob Marley, a couch in jail in the UK. They was the most pleasant here you go to jail shit. But did they have a call button in there? They had no fucking call. Mine had a call button in it and it actually worked. I pushed the button. Like, I've been to jail before. And like, if you want the police attention, you got to scream out. Officer, officer, somebody dead in here.

36:14I'm bleeding to death. Like, and then they'll show up like 30, 45 minutes later. But in Beverly Hills, you push that call button. They come right through the intercom immediately. Yes, Ms. Haddish, do you need something? Like, yeah, my cycle started in here. Y 'all toilet paper. I don't know what y 'all got in here. This toilet paper made out of rice paper or something. it disintegrates immediately. Do y 'all have any like sanitary markings? And when I tell you the best maxi pad, the thing was huge. It went from the biggest pad I ever seen in my life. It went from the top of my belly button to my bra strap, nigga.

36:47And I was wearing a thong so it looked like a pillow and a rope. And now I'm a spokesperson for Beverly Hills gel pads. I really like that gel. I really think Like every police station, like, I don't know. They could learn from them. They could learn from them. And it's just, I felt like a human, right? And maybe I made a mistake, but if I ever decide to make any mistakes ever again, I only want to do it in Beverly Hills. You want to be there. In Beverly Hills. Because they treat you with dignity. The biggest disconnect between, let's say, civilians and officers is how they talk to you and how they treat you.

37:28You know, she said, the best thing she said is I felt human. I made a mistake. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe they throwing this shit out Monday at the court. But one thing they don't do is the cops always say I never, I have, I have a real tough problem with police. Like I have a, now more than ever I have a real tough time because I am superiorly rich compared to these guys right now. And when they pull me over and they want to talk to me, I'm just telling you when they want to talk to me like they could talk like they got are they the king of earth and I'm sitting there the last guy who stopped me I said yo my man do what the fuck you want to do you either giving me the ticket or I'm on my way and dead ass I'd like to be respectful you not talking to me I'm in front with my family you talk to me like crazy I'm less of a man and all I'm not me Joseph Carter I'm not going for that so give me the ticket do what you got to do If not, you're poor.

38:30I'm rich. I don't give a fuck. You haven't heard of Rodney King? What you talking about? God, look. Yeah, I'm not saying Rodney King. I know Rodney King, but what I'm trying to tell you is I'm very respectful. Your license and registration, here you go. This, this, that. Here you go. Don't be having meetings whether you want to give me a ticket for no reason anyway. And you're about 24 years old. Like, yo, bro, come on. You don't have posters of us in your war growing up. Get the fuck out of here. I don't know. I love you. I had a problem in jail with them niggas. They was not talking to me like that.

39:02You know what happened at that party the other day? I see my man Taffy in Miami. He was in jail with me. If I'm capping any of the Mongolians, every shit I'm talking about, that guy would tell you. He is not saying that. I did not have the... I'm sitting over there, right? Motherfuckers working, and they want to eat. I don't have a problem. I got 12 dozen of chicken every fucking day. I got whatever the fuck I want. I'm living like... my shit like a fucking Walmart. He's getting his protein. I'm not lying to you. My shit, they give you chicken, a piece of chicken every Thursday. If I'm lying to you, I had a dozen of fucking chicken legs every day.

39:40Legs? I love chicken legs. What's up? I love chicken, but I hated legs. No, you know what I mean with them. It ain't pigeon. The point is... He's well, y 'all. It's quill. All right. The point is, one day I seen them they supposed to feed you say 9 in the morning it was damn near like 1 o 'clock and all the work and these guys they ain't got nothing so they waiting on that whatever they cooking for because they made chicken wings this correction officer dude he was black too by the way he came with the boots rubber boots up the hand shit and this guy be talking that shit he come up and they go hold up these niggas have been waiting for like 12 hours to eat these chicken wings that they made.

40:28Hold up. Flip that over. Flip that over. Yeah, that one. There before the prisoners eat, he was in there like making a selection. I went up in there and grabbed chicken wings in his face. I'm like, get the fuck out of here with that shit. Huh? Most of I knew he got into the words. I walked away with that. I'm not them niggas. All these niggas you see getting smacked on the back of their head and all that, that's not Joe Crack. And to tell you the truth, if I had 12 dozen chicken. Like, I didn't even need the wings. I did it just to let them know, nigga, I don't give a fuck about what you thinking, Gomer Pal.

41:01I'm not going for that shit. I don't know about the prison. I haven't been to prison. I've only been to jail for like two or three hours. Listen, there was a lady. I've never been to jail for two or three hours. By the way, that guy, the next day, he used to fuck with people the most. That next day, he came back and said, sorry. He did his history. He said, yo, I'm sorry. I did not know what time I said well I'm not trying to flip but you did I had a girl in the jail she was a fucking her name was Raggedy Ann she had red hair she walk around like this what was she doing? did she work there? yes she was the correction officer what are we doing?

41:45she's Raggedy Ann bro and she walk up in there this white lady with the red hair She woke up in there tripping on niggas every day. This my fucking jail. And I'm this, this, this. Me and her, we didn't even have to talk. So in the jail, I work in the kitchen. They got the kitchen for the cops. In the same thing. Of course, Fat Joe used to walk up in there, pull out the Snicker ice cream balls from the shit, walk out with the ice cream. Every day, I didn't give a fuck. Like, nothing. I'm not sneaking one day the bitch catch you. She grabbed that shit on the office. she couldn't wait for something with that Joe she could this my motherfucking jail this this this a movie I'm like you know I'm wrong you know she caught me stealing this shit I'm just walking away she talking to shit we in the building so we on our way to go up she starts saying this it's 100 niggas I'm like I made sure I was 99 you heard two time fell in like I'm in the back of the lot any motherfucker think they rich and famous here this is I said well miss you might be you gotta to be talking about me.

42:49When I step out in the line, you got to be talking about me. She's like, well, maybe I'm talking about you. I said, miss, look, let me tell you the bad news. I've been in here three months. I only got four. My mansion's on the water down the block. You only got one month to run it up if you want to fuck with me every day and try to play with me. I'm out of here in two fucking three weeks. She said, well, what if you leave in a pine box? 100 niggas shut the fuck up so fast they were like I got back in the line I said oh let me not play with this bitch sure enough 8 months after I'm in jail I can't sleep one night looking at the local news in Miami federal correction officer kills her husband throws him off the boat in the middle of this bitch killed her husband and they had the cameras on the houses showing her dumping the bus.

43:46I said, yo, this bitch is quick. She's in jail. Nigga, the feds called me one day. It was like, this is the federal this. I said, who? The federal? Yeah, we heard you had an incident. I said, my nigga, get the fuck out of here. I hang up the phone so fast and I drop, but she killed the husband. Raggedy Ann was the truth, my nigga. She was coming for you. Raggedy Ann. You know. Tiffany, you got this new show. Let's get for something. She's got it. She obviously ain't trying to sell. Thank the Lord he recognizes. Yo, yo, yo, Tiff. She obviously ain't trying to sell no nail polish. She ain't trying to sell no foot polish.

44:23She got a show, man. Let's hear it, bro. Yo, yo, Tiff, I'm not going to forgive you for that shit. You said I stunk like balls like this. I didn't say you stunk like balls. I said your balls smell like dirty crayons, probably. I'm not sure. Dirty crayons is a sick one. Yo, dirty crayons. It smell like everybody touched it. Before we get into our show, though, you know, I always got a song with all our guests. Guess what? You got two with me. You got two with me. Yo, you did it? You got two with me. Yeah. We did it. And it's fire. We got two of them, and they bought fire. Two songs with Tiff. Yeah.

44:58Slappers. Slappers? Bangers. Straight up bangers. He fuck with you, because I asked him for a verse. I got to wait three years. This guy. He's lying. Yeah, you a liar. No, no, I'm telling you. His shit is fire, though. Like, his bars is like... He never missed. Undeniable. He never missed. And I was like, so when I heard it, the first time I cried, I was so happy. And then I was like, well, I don't have his phone number, so I could, like, show you my gratitude. I had to, like, call this person to call that person. I kind of... It made me feel some type of way. Until Brinkley got involved, I thought it was a scam.

45:31I'm like, is this really for Tiffany? Like, you know what I'm saying? It's one of them. I ain't... And we gonna drop that soon, too. few parties, but then it's a real thing, so it's going down. Yeah, and it's going down. Hilarious. It's just the real deal, man. You know, whenever I invite her to my birthday party, she's in town, she come in, whatever I ask her for, she always solid. She's one of the few people in the industry that you could always count on if she can make it happen. And I tell you right off the top, I'm going to be there if I can be there, and if I can't, I can't. Nah, real deal.

46:05You showed up. You show up. And I danced all night, and I think he sweat almost got me pregnant. Remember that night? Through the clothes? Oh, my God. It's bad forever. Oh, my God. He sweat one to take these girls. He chased me out the club. He's like, wait a minute. Tess again. Tess again. I was like, oh, my God. Tess again. Tess again. I was dancing with SWV and shit like this is crazy. I get so weak. You know she's funny. She's just joking. Dude, Tess with Mary Jane. Me and Mary was drinking and dancing and partying. and then I can't party with you. It was like all over the place. You know what's crazy?

46:40Floyd Mayweather walked in that night, Money Mayweather, right? Birthday party. He had a see-through bag with bricks of gold in the bag. The motherfucker might have walked in for 20, 30 minutes, walked around everybody with the fucking gold bars and shit and just left. Floyd Mayweather, boy. He be flexed. Oh, yeah. He be flexed. And he said he was going to make a donation to my charity when I went and bought the groceries for the people and I'm still waiting, Floyd. You showed all that money on IG. Like, I got you, Tiff. I got you. You held up bricks and bricks of money and you still didn't make the donation.

47:15I tried to ask better a couple of those. But I always pay. You know, they suck on me. I come up to this. Charities? Pure sucker. You ever heard of a pure sucker? Right now. Yeah, like I go. I'm telling you the truth. I'm telling you the truth. I walk into charity events. What you sucking on? It's like they throw the motherfucking light on me. Oh, you suckers. Oh, Lord. What you sucking on?

47:43Puglies, clits, booties. What you sucking on? I won't eat. I go to the charity. Well, your lips are shaped, too. I go to the charity. Joe, come through. Show you support. Let me breastfeed you right quick. The truth is. Let me feed you. I'm sorry. The truth is, I go to the charity event, and I wear a little suit. I think I'm supporting. Somebody tell me, two-time fella, say, yo, we doing the charity, whatever. I come through in the suit, you got Fat Joe in the building. I really ain't come for you to throw the light on me and go, boom. Mr. Fat Joe, what do you think? You got$36 ,000 right now,$46 ,000 right now.

48:17Do you got$56 ,000? This Mr. Fat Joe got$56 ,000. He got this and that. I'm like, what the fuck? That's all. Fat Joe, that shit happens to me. I might not be going no more. I don't want to go no more. I don't want to go to your charity I don't want to invite you to my charity You see? I don't want to go And you can just give me the$30 ,000 before you get there Your relationship with a good friend of mine Who I love, Jason Lee Tell me about that's a special Yeah If he was into girls He would be my man for sure He'd be your baby daddy I'd let him shoot up the club Yeah I would let him shoot up the club We went to Columbia together and I was just like, yo, I wish I could move like that.

49:02I can't move like that, though. No, no. I wish I could. No, you can't. Yeah. Let's hear about this. Shout out Jason. So speaking of Columbia, I took, me and my girls, we traveled. I didn't take them to Columbia, but I took four of my girls to Africa and we shot it and it's a show called Tiffany Haddish Goes Off. And these are my friends since we was like in junior high and high school. and we've been friends all these years, you know, just 10 because I'm so young. And we traveled all the way to Africa and we went to Cape Town, Zimbabwe, Zanzibar and we got into some stuff. And I'm going to tell you, initially the network wanted it to be a reality show, but I don't do ratchetness.

49:46Like I might come off like I do the ratchet shit, but I don't do all that. The way we, like if we have - You're in the baddies. You're in the baddies. Well, I'm a baddie, but I'm not about to like... You're not going to fight a bitch on camera? Nah, I'm going to fight your ass when the cameras is off. We're going to mollywop in the room. But we've known each other so long. Yeah, but we've known each other so long, we just can't have a conversation, right? Like, we never argue or nothing like that. We just have a conversation. So you see black women moving how black women actually move, how they move when they don't have to do all this fighting and stuff, when they can use their words and their intellect.

50:23You want some rich, rich black woman shit? No, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Because all this shit out of control right now. Let me tell you something. I move like a regular human being. I don't move like I'm the richest. I don't move like it's got it popping or like that. I move like how I always wanted to live my life. I'm that as like a normal human being. I don't need people surrounding me and be like, oh my God, Tiffany. Like if you see me and you recognize me, I love it when you be like, hey, what up, Tiff? and I'll be like, what up? Because I'm a regular person.

50:53I don't need to be. I was African-experienced. Did you meet one of them seven-foot mother-fucking Nigerians that hugged you from this crowd? First of all, we didn't go to Nigeria. We didn't go to Nigeria. We went to Cape Town. We went to Victoria Falls. We went to Zanzibar. We went to Ahari. And yeah, I met some very tall, handsome, beautiful men. I don't know about Cock Diesel, but. No, not Cock Diesel. That's what you was going to say. I'm trying to lay off that. You don't know if they have big cock. Yo, let me tell you something. What's going on, Joe? What's going on? Yo, let me tell you something.

51:26Joe, I'm not an international ho. I don't ho international. You don't ho international. I don't ho international. Well, I seen a girl on Instagram. I did ho auditions. So you used some of them in the show with you? Yeah, so me and my girls were in the show. And then there was some guys that popped up. Some of them were actors, like famous actors in South Africa. So this dude named Primo, he's real popular over there. He in a lot of movies in Africa. But most Americans probably never seen him before. So he came to the comedy show and stuff and was like hollering at me. We went out to the party, went to a couple of parties or whatever.

52:00I think he thought I was like finna be with the business. But like he don't have a credit score. They don't have credit scores. How am I going to rent this? I can't just give up the coochie. Like I got to see how many goats, how many cows do you got? Like I need to figure out which was the, you know, the thing. They got diamonds. Yeah, because that's rich. They got diamonds in all you. Diamonds ain't nothing over you. They got diamonds in all you. that's nothing it's like they got food though like look i got 10 cows i got 37 goats that's a rich man he can feed me he got i got land i got i'm growing this to me that's sexy i and that's why i'm on farmers only.com what up ted like i'm i'm into dudes that got land that can feed me that can provide if i'm a getting calm if everything will down there got to be a place we can go and He needs to know how to use guns and how to grow food.

52:47That don't have nothing to do with the show, though. The show is, like, super fire, though. She went out to Africa. That's beautiful. Yeah. And you picked some pretty cool spots. Yeah. Tanzania, the furthest I ever been in my life. That plane take a break. Mm-hmm. You take the plane. The plane lay in the middle of nowhere to get more gas. Yeah. They actually let you walk out of the plane. Yep. Like, you know, in the middle of nowhere, then you go back on. That shit was far. But it was one of the most beautiful places. That's how I knew I was. That was one of the places I knew I was famous because I flew further than I ever flew in my life.

53:24And when I landed, it might have been like five, six in the morning. So we got in these trucks and we're going to the hotel. We almost ran the dude over. He was going to work. He backed up and he started to curse. He was like, oh, shit. Fat Joe. I was like, oh, my God. This shit is far as hell. We wasn't walking through a village. We just walking through a village. They got chickens running around, kids playing. I'm thinking nobody's going to recognize me. Just walk in. I ain't got no makeup on. Just keeping it regular. Just get my exercise in. They're like, Tiffany, hot dish. Tiffany, hot dish.

53:56And they're like trying to take pictures and stuff. They're like, wait, wait, wait. So they got the old cameras gearing it up. Like, it was so like, I love the continent. I love that continent. I would like to explore every single corner of it. And I feel like as a person with some wealth here in America, if I can drop my money over there and build a bridge, like I really think that that's the main purpose. My main purpose was to build a bridge between African-Americans and Africa. And so they can see what it really is, because what they're showing us at two o 'clock in the morning on TV is not what it is.

54:35What they're showing us in this movie, that movie is not what it is. and for me like I travel to all kind of places where you know most people like why would you go there what you doing over there like didn't you see that this is going on this is going on what I want to see with my own eyes and when you go see for yourself what it is you realize what the media is showing you what is going on your algorithm is not the truth always so I'm always I've been everywhere in Africa you been to Eritrea? I've never been to Eritrea have you been to Djibouti? Have you been to Djibouti? Yeah, I've been heard Djibouti.

55:07And remember when you was a kid, you're like, we're in places called Djibouti. Now, that shit called, it just shows all big time. But let me tell you, there's a part of Africa, Jada, maybe you ain't noticed. It's called Equatorial Guinea, where they only speak Spanish. Yeah. So every year, New Year's, I had the super lick. Every year, they would hire me to go over there with a bunch of salsa bands for Fat Joe kicking hip-hop. The whole place in Africa talks Spanish. Angola talks Portuguese. So Angola, everybody go from Angola to Brazil. So Brazil is Portuguese and African. So they talk Portuguese, but they really African.

55:46That was the stop on the way over here. But I've been to so many different parts of Ghana, Garbón. I've been everywhere, Rwanda, everywhere. Have you bought any land there? No, I haven't. I was thinking about some blood diamonds, but the shit, I didn't know the right plug. I was trying to get the blood diamonds. I could connect you. And all the diamonds ain't blood diamonds. All the diamonds ain't blood diamonds. Some of it is actually like feeding the village and taking care of people. Oh. When it's our people. So it's like, you know. Let me tell you something. Africa, one of the most beautiful places in the world.

56:26It's crazy how, well, now they got their own shit popping with all the Afro beats and all that. They may have had that. Yeah, but when I was going over there. It's just getting. Yeah, Atlanta here. But when I would go over there, man, they would show so much love to Americans because that's pretty much the only black people they've seen. Michael Jordan, Beyonce, this, this, this. They're looking at everybody. Tiffany Haddish, they're looking at everybody. Look, she's doing movies. How many girls want to be actresses in Africa or be comedians? And they're like, yo, she's doing it. They just started in a comedy scene out there.

57:00They didn't have comedy for so long, and they're just getting it started. in the last seven, eight years. I'm sure they've been opening clubs. Michael Blackson is the king. Michael Blackson's the king of comedy over there, huh? Well, there's a few that's killing it. That's not necessarily that you never heard of. That's got more followers than Michael Blackson. You got to remember, there's more people on that continent than there is over here. Yes, sir. And you got to invest in the continent, bro. If they putting money in your pocket like that, you got to invest in it. You know what I'm saying?

57:32I'm trying to buy the Harlem River Drive Bridge, the bridge from the Harlem to the Bronx. That's the shit I want to do. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to do Harlem to the Bronx. You know what I'm saying? You talking about bottom. Go where you want it, not where you tolerate it. You got the most black. Go where you want it, not where you tolerate it. Go where you celebrate it, not where you tolerate it. Yeah. Stephanie Mills taught me that one time. She told me that. She said, Joe, I go where I'm celebrated, not where I'm tolerated. I don't even need to be It's a lot of tolerated motherfuckers, huh?

58:00Right? It's a lot of tolerated motherfuckers. Like, when you see motherfuckers come around, nobody really like them, and they still just keep coming around? Mm-hmm. I got guys like that. That's the feds. They the feds? I believe that. Somebody told me that. There's a guy that always shows up. How's this? How's that? Who's this, this, this? And we be like, what the fuck is this dude doing here? The feds. No matter what. Wait, he's the feds. Somebody told me that. Somebody said this nigga the feds. I don't know. when people ask too many questions, I ask them to leave. Yeah, he don't ask no questions.

58:35Because if you can't just be in the environment, like, especially if you're not on my payroll, you need to go. This one guy that's showing up. You're doing it. This one guy that's showing up since the beginning of time, and he's just tolerated. Why? So when we pull up, he's just tolerated. And so when he pull up, so I remember one night. What does he bring to the table, though? Why are you tolerating it, though? I'm in Prime 112. What does he bring to the table? Why is he there? I'm in Prime 112. Five in the morning, they left us the whole restaurant with my wife, Mary J, drinking. I'm there, security.

59:06No security. We leaving at five in the morning, this nigga outside the fucking Prime 112. So I tell Mary, I said, Mary, don't worry, don't worry. I know this, this, that. We open the door. She said, I know this nigga. She called him by the name and went in the car. I said, yo, so this guy just stalks everybody. He shows up. You know him. He just stalks every celebrity. Well, when this brings to the table, though. Absolutely nothing He gotta go I've been trying to get rid of this guy For 30 years But he keeps showing up And he throws this face Are you really trying to get rid of him Yes One billion percent I would ask him What are you bringing to the table Why are you showing up I'm gonna even give him a hint I'm sure they watching this Whenever I perform At Club 11 in Miami There's 150 dudes out there And they come And they sit in my section and I'm in the corner like this where I can't even enjoy it and they just pop up and a lot of those guys are tolerated.

1:00:06That's the place he was at where he got storched that time? Yes! I went there this weekend. There was 150 guys in my own shit. Everybody come. I don't know, man. I don't know what that is. I don't have that promoter, man. It ain't the promoter. It's these guys. Pistol Pete come with... He's my brother. He's celebrated, but he come with 20 dudes. I don't know. And this guy come with 20 dudes. You got to know. This guy's coming. You bring somebody I don't know? You can only bring two, bro. Like, don't be coming with all these unnecessary people. I need spaces for my bitches. That's what I say. How about if I give you money in a strip club, right?

1:00:42Because I personally don't throw money in the strip. I know. I'll be there to take the money. I'll throw it for you. But if I give you$500,$500,$500,$500 for sure y 'all can throw the money, don't think I don't see you only throw$100 and you put the$400 in your potty. It's levels of bumness going on in this world. It really is. Now, see, what I do is I throw the money, and then I start picking it up off the floor, because then I put in work.

1:01:10I work for my money. Ask Morris Chestnut. Well, I did a play with Morris Chestnut, and the whole cast went to the strip club, and Morris and, like, the other male actors gave all the girls that was in the play money to throw to the other girls, and we threw it out, and then, you know, everybody else was chill. But I was like, oh, well, I got to clean up this area before somebody slips and falls. And I picked the money up and then I put it in my bag. Like, what the fuck are you doing? I said, I earned this money. I cleaned it up. Fact. Got any stand-ups coming up soon? I'm going to Alabama and, well, I'm going to Alabama and Mississippi this weekend.

1:01:48And then next year, well, February, start February next year, I'm hitting all these small comedy clubs and places you would never think I would go. Fine. Just because I know they need it. They need the comedy relief. You know, I was hanging out in L.A. with Jeff Ross. I love Jeff. And it was like the week before the roasting of Tom Brady. And I watched him practice. Y 'all guys actually go to the comedy club. Everybody is famous. You go in L.A. to comedy club on a regular night. Any comedian you ever thought you wanted to meet in your life is sitting in there and they practicing their job. Imagine you freestyling the spot and all the rappers are in there.

1:02:29And so I went in there and it was so funny. And then when I seen it on Netflix, I was like, yo, this shit, I was dead. This guy was practicing. Yeah. The show is called what? The show is called Tiffany Haddish Goes Off. You can see it November 13th on Peacock. You got to check it out because it's real. It's fun. And you'll enjoy it. I can promise you that. I mean, have you been having trouble watching the NBA games? like you don't know where the shit is at now. Yeah, something. It's on NBC. No, it's not. It's one day on NBC, then it's on ESPN, then it's on Peacock. Then it's on this. This shit, crazy.

1:03:06Yeah, they killing me. To find a fucking game on TV. They killing me, though. It's like, yo. I'm looking at YouTube, Peacock, Prime. Big mistake, guys. We cannot go to a designated spot. Every day that shit change. One day I'm thinking it's on Prime, the next day it's on Peacock, the next day it's on ESPN. that they y 'all bargain out with this shit I'm pretty sure it's on Peacock cause they gave me a jacket that said NBA is back at the Peacock they gave me a Letterman coat and it was like you know 2025 the NBA is back at Peacock remind me never to wear this shit again give it to me I'll wear it for you I fucked some bloods before you fucked some bloods before they'll appreciate it bloods ain't cribs yeah this pussy has no color line dangerous dangerous Dangerous.

1:03:54Thundercat. You know, somebody, me and my sister was talking about this, like how when you in your 20s, you a puma. In your 30s, it's cougar. In your 40s, you a thundercat. And in your 50s, you a saber-toothed tiger. And if you in your 60s, you a toothless saber-toothed tiger. And that's what the boys like. I think the women don't stop. The women never stop. Yes, we do. Like, guys, they get, you know, they get tired or they, you know, they need that bi-ass. If they ain't got the right system, they fucked up. But the women don't stop. Yes, we do. They 70 years old with boyfriends in the fucking AARP, the fucking C - Well, you know, the STD rate in the old folks' home is at an all-time high.

1:04:35That's the best place to get a disease. How is that happening? Because they like, ain't nobody getting pregnant in here. 70 years old? And they all from the free love era from the 60s when people used to just have sex and all you got is chlamydia or gonorrhea or something, the clack, you know. Now you get gonorrhoea pacifilates, you know. But they like, look, I'm old. Well, I'm about to leave anyways. Let it itch, let it leak. I don't care. Make me cum. Listen, let me tell you something. It's out of control to even fathom that there's 70-year-olds still looking for love. Yo, grandma fucking. Yo, grandma fucking.

1:05:11That's how you got here. Granny throwing that ass back. Hips messed up for a reason. Still keep fucked. Every grandmother. She ain't lying, though. Every grandmother's at 15 kids. They're 60, 70, still, they're all this my boyfriend. 13, 15. They're like, what the fuck you doing? Your shit is like a fossil. Why my homegirl? Your crack your shit in half. Yeah, they're crack your doing. Let me tell you something. My homegirl. You're trying to get cracked in half? Yeah. Let me tell you this story. My homegirl told me. My knees ain't. She broke up. Like, so my homegirl had to break up with her husband because she came home.

1:05:40This is during COVID. She came home, and he was sleeping with a housekeeper. The housekeeper was 63 years old. He was in the bed with the housekeeper. No. Why Dominican? No. 63-year-old Dominican ladies look right. Yeah, this is 63-year-old Mexican. They be walking up and down Broadway. Their legs is right. Sweeping and mopping. I just want to know what makes a man. They going to get avocados. What makes a man at a house want to sleep with the housekeeper? Like, these guys are fucking sick in the head, right? Like you robbing most of them. They horny in the dick. They horny in the dick. Sick in the face.

1:06:19Sick in the horny in the dick. He's horny in the dick. That's what it is. You know? Arnold Schwarzenegger. She was like, I would have rather him sleep with the nanny. The nanny's 25. I would have rather him sleep with the nanny. No, this is like, what does that mean about me? What does that say about me? I said, bitch, it's like you're not busted open enough. That's what that say. That motherfucker. That old lady know how to.

1:06:45She roto-rooted that motherfucker She got experience She roto-rooted that If anything, you should have stopped and watched And been like, teach me your ways, Rosalinda Now these motherfuckers Teach me your ways Rosalinda Well, Evelina's my girl in New York Here we go Oh shit, don't tell her No, no, no, no, no I don't play that shit I'm a gentleman, man You gotta be fucking Gentlemen's a toast too. I seek the kingdom at all times. I've been hanging out with this dude. He's so polite. But I can tell you. Housekeepers look like throw mama off the train, too. But that don't matter because that housekeeper look like a straight, what I call a boogoo.

1:07:23My housekeepers look like, where's the beef? Like they got the hump on their back. Ain't no system going on around here. They pick them wise over here. Where's the beef? And those be the ones that throw mama off the train. Those the goblers. The goons. You make that sound. Goons. Now, Tiffany, what's wrong with you? See the dick monster. I'm scared of watching the show. What happened? Oh, you watching the show, huh? Yeah. Don't diss the housekeepers? Yeah. Okay. They came all the way from the back for having leave this, man. He's watching that shit in the control booth like, y 'all, you dissed.

1:08:00Nah, don't they do that. Tiff, we love you. Thanks for coming. This ain't that. That ain't this. It's crack. Kidding. and tiff.

1:08:15I don't have a housekeeper. I'm looking for one, preferably male.

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