Cat Burns: Joe Gets ROASTED... and Why Men Give Her the ICK

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2:13Even this one. Cauliflower's fluffy. What gives you the ick? Men. All men? Love men that are written by women.

2:27I've been trying to write a song and I was wondering if I could run some lyrics past you. I know I can act like a bit of a prat. I think you're out of time. I don't think I am, thank you. Yeah? That's mad to call Cat the problem here. You've got to think, Joe. Got to think about what? You can't let people play you. I knew you were the one that was going to get therapise today. Okay, fine. Next! Yes!

3:04Hello, welcome to my office. This is Joe Marla will see you now with me, Dr Joe Marla. This is a show where I ask celebrities some probing questions that may lead to uncomfortable truths. With me, as always, is my beloved assistant, Jake. Jake, how are you? I'm good. I feel closer to you than I ever have today. Why? You're the same distance we always have. Emotionally close to you, Joe. Emotionally close. Why? Because of our journey in together. Oh, you're telling people about this, are you? Yeah, bumped into Joe on the tube today. Anyone else know that? You didn't bump into me, did you? Well, I know, I literally did bump into you.

3:37The tube, the doors were about to close, and I was running, and I was like, okay, I'm on. And then the momentum just carried me so I sort of slid into your arms. I was like, all right, Daddy, I mean boss, I mean Joe. And you were like, get your hands off me now. What do you think the people on that tube were thinking in that moment? Because it wasn't... We've obviously just started working together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I picture that it wasn't overly clear that we were mates or an item or should be doing that. It was quite a rom-com. because the momentum of running for the tube and I slid and I could see it happening.

4:11I was just sort of, I mean, I was just nestled into you, I mean, for quite some time, sort of resting on the bare leg coming out of your shorts. And then when we got off,

4:25we got off the tube. When we got off the tube, do you remember the guy who did say something, who had been watching the whole thing? And he said to you, he went, If you're who I think you are, you did very well. Sort of looking around, and I was like, does that happen or not? And you were like, not like that, it doesn't, no. If you're who I think you are, you did very well indeed.

4:55Joe, we've got a very exciting guest. It's our first musical guest. Ah! Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that indeed. Ah! Oh, it's a clue, of course, yeah, yeah, it is. Cat Burns. Would you like me to be the cat? It's Chinese George Galloway.

5:20Would you like me to be the cat? Did you do this to her on Traitors? Did you do that a lot to her? Hey, I'm Cat. What's your name? Would you like me to be the cat? Are you a musical guy? You're a musical guy. We often, well, little BTS info for everyone. There's always a bit of music playing before we start the show and it's always normally your choice and it's very eclectic, fun and good. It's quite niche. It's like Paul Simon, Adele, Lady Smith, Black Man Barzo. Did you put Adele in the list of niche? You did, yeah. I'm just trying to rewind it. I can't rewind it. I don't actually know what niche means.

5:57What does niche mean? You do know what it means. You've just been caught out on putting it. Niche, I guess, means lesser known, doesn't it? It's not mainstream. I thought niche meant like narrow, as in I don't have an eclectic mix. Oh, I see. I thought eclectic meant like a wide breadth of music likes. I don't. I'll just put the same Adele album and the same Graceland album on and just over and over and over. Yeah. And actually, Kat Burns has now become, since meeting her, hearing her music, she's now become part of that small mix of music that I just play in the gym. What's the song that gets you in the mood?

6:37Pack up your things and go, yeah. What's that get you in the mood for? Holiday.

6:52I feel like Kat Burns is quite wise. Is that right? I mean, you know her. Very wise. What's her vibe? I would describe her as wise beyond her years. She's what, 25? Yeah. And she speaks and acts like she's 45. Wow. Wow. That's 20 years. Yeah. Maybe we should be getting advice from her. If there's anything on your mind. But the premise of the show is... Yes, sorry. We give her advice. I'm the doctor. You're the doctor's assistant. we help impart knowledge on them to lead a better life. Yeah. Do you sound that we can't do that anymore? No, no, no, no. We're going to obviously try our best but I'm just sort of quite aware that she's coming in wiser than both of us.

7:38I just, I don't know how you, I don't know what's your tactic for. Well, why don't we act wiser? Fake it till you make it. How would you act wiser? Give me wise Jake right now.

7:50What? It's quite non-verbal, isn't it? Yeah. Say something full of wisdom. There was a Buddhist quote I've heard once which said, he who speaks will never know, but he who really knows will never speak. The loudest person in the room and the one shouting, saying they know all this wisdom, is very unlikely to actually have the wisdom. But the person who sits quietly, maybe they have the wisdom. That doesn't sound like a Buddhist has said that.

8:25Sounds like you've ad-libbed Yeah, maybe I have actually It's not a direct quote, is it? It was written somewhere I think you should shorten it like This too shall pass This too shall pass Yeah, beautiful Well, at least we know the tone we're going in with Kat I believe she's actually sat with Janet in reception right now Are we ready to speak to Kat? Do you think we're wise enough to impart some knowledge onto Kat? I think we're certainly in a good mood Okay That's all you can ask for. Should we get her in? Let's do it.

8:58Janet. Yes, please, can you bring Kat Burns in? Thank you. Let's do this, Jake.

9:11Hi, Kat. Hi, Mr. Marlowe. You're still Mr. Marlowe-ing me? Yeah. Hi, Dr. Joe Marlowe. How are you? I'm really going to tell you.

9:27I was trying to tell people that when I met you, it was incredible. Yeah. But ever since then, you've always called me either Mr. Marler or my full name of Joe Marler. Yeah. You've never called me Joe. No. What's that about? I don't like to call people by their name. At all? Well, I like to call you Joe Marler. Yeah. Mr. Marla. Yeah.

9:56Or even a play on that. How would you play on that? Well, it's hard to... See, Joe, there's not enough words. I mean, there's not enough letters in Joe to play around with it. Does that make sense? Joseph. Joseph Molo. Like, I like to just... I like to, like, play around. Forgive me. There's someone else in my office and it's Jake. Hi, Kat. Jake, this is Cat Burns. Pleasure to meet you. Hello, Jake. This is Jake, but what do you want to call him? Jakey. Jakey? Jackie. Jackie. Jackie. Jackie. Oh, yeah. I'm happy with that. I like that a lot. Do you like it if I call you Cat Burns? Yeah. Is Cat Burns your real name?

10:38Who knows? Ooh. Joking it, yeah. What we get all our guests to do is fill out an intake questionnaire. Okay. Occupation. Singer. Just singer? Singer. Star. Singer star? Yeah. I like it. Star sign. Gemini. What are you? I think you can guess what I am. Scorpio. Why Scorpio? Aries. Why Aries? Fiery. What? That's not one. No, I'm saying you're fiery. Oh. Cancer. Oh, emotional are we?

11:27Your go-to breakup song? I know one. It's a really, really good song. Really good by this really cool artist called Cat Burns. I don't know if you've heard. It's called Go. Pack up your shit and go. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, you're changing the melody a bit. Am I? Oh, oh, oh. I'm not sure what that is. I actually really like that song. Thanks. Although I prefer James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover.

12:08Did you just say, who's that? No, I said, what's that? Okay. Who's Helen Mirren? Helen Mirren is a really, really great actress What's she been in?

12:24An array of amazing films and shows Great, really well played Yeah What's on your algorithm? Random, silly things Memes, funny sounds What sort of funny sounds? You know the one I put with you when I saw you? Deliah the bitch on her slutty wardrobe? Those are the sounds that I get. I'd completely forgotten about that. What the fuck were you doing to me then? You Gen Z fuck. Yep. I said, come on, let's do little videos, but I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to put. And I knew what I was going to put. Why do people keep doing this to me? I did one to him earlier. I was not happy. I thought he was asking me a genuine question.

13:11He was like, oh, mate, what's your go-to McDonald's order? And I get passionate about my McDonald's order because I can't fucking go for it. So I've reeled it off, and then he's put it to a video that says these are the things that Joe likes to put up his bum. Oh. Yeah. It's good stuff. He's going Big Mac, 20 nuggets, Zinger Burger, cheeseburger goes straight in. You've got to think, Joe. You've got to think about what? You can't let people play you. I trust people. It's not about that. I knew you were the one that was going to get therapised today. I knew it. Therapised. Okay, fine. Next! Yes!

13:55Do you consent to being analysed by someone who is not a real doctor? Yeah. The speed at which you said yes. I mean, I let myself be analysed by TikTok every single day. Does that not scare you? No, I just sort of go, ah, I guess this is me. And I just sort of take it in. So I'm happy for you to do the same. That's great. Well, if you mean that, can you just sign there for me, please? All right, then. Thank you.

14:23Just you two. Stitching you up. Really stitched me up today. Are you reading the rest of the T's and C's? No. You've signed it now. Oh.

14:36here's something i think we can work on today i just want to fix you yeah fix you guess i'm what they call a people people people pleaser pleaser pleaser yeah you're a people pleaser right recovering so i think it's time that you stopped trying to please others and let someone help you Bars. Bars. Bars. Bars. Bars. As in spitting bars. You were spitting bars. Damn right, I was spitting bars. Yeah.

15:19Just want to take a small break to thank our sponsor, Giacomo. Giacomo have got every size you need. From small up to 5XL, everyone is included. whether you're a big unit like me, unit, or a tiny, weenie, gorgeous man like Jake. I feel more and more I have this gesture done towards me. Is it unfair? I'm getting bigger. Since I met you, I've been going gym. Have you? Yeah. Well, you haven't invited me. Well, I'm trying to get good at the exercises first and then I'm going to invite you. What's your go-to exercise at the minute then? Star jump. No, I'm doing push, pull, leg. Push, pull, leg. Well, that's your bro split, is it?

16:04Yeah, yeah, yeah. That doesn't work. Does it not work? No. What should you do? Just do like a body part every day? No, I do Monday push, Wednesday pull, Friday legs. So what's the difference between what you're doing and what I'm doing? There isn't a difference. It's just I do it better. Oh, right. That's why it's not going to work for me. Yeah. I also find, I don't really know what to wear to the gym. I sort of wear like, I don't know, I wear sort of like plain white t-shirt. If I wear shorts, I feel exposed. If I wear tracksuit bottoms, I feel sort of quite, I don't know, hot. Do you have like a gym outfit?

16:39Usually a vest that was originally a t-shirt. Oh, wow. So I've got a bit of a thing where I buy loads of t-shirts. I think the last count was 141 t-shirts. but when it comes to gym attire I get t-shirts and then cut off the sleeves because I want to look you know yeah you look like a rocker I want to look at myself in that mirror in the garage you know 10 o 'clock at night where I've got a massive pump on yeah of my muscles of your muscles yes and just you know look the part I'd love that I'd love to wear a vest where it doesn't look like I'm sort of like borrowing my boyfriend's clothes that would be nice wouldn't it yeah it would I'm a little bit worried.

17:20Because you have got a bit of earthworm gym about you, haven't you?

17:27I'm a little bit worried actually, now that I know that you've got over 140 t-shirts and it's like a compulsion you need to buy more. Giacomo, endless brands. Whether it's sportswear, whether it's hanging out, they've got it all, mate. They've got it all. This is huge. This is huge. This is huge. And it's also not huge because they do every size. So they do huge sizes. And my size. And tiny sizes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything in between. Wow, you're going to need a bigger wardrobe, big boy. Giacomo, style and brands for every man. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off.

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19:32Kat, your career somewhat exploded unexpectedly, didn't it? What came first? The dream to be a singer? Or did you start with TikTok and go, I'll just start putting that out and then become a singer? The dream was singer first and then lockdown happened. So I started posting on TikTok for fun. And then the rest is history. Talk to me about how Go exploded on TikTok. May 2020, I tease Go. I just sing it on my windowsill. and people really liked it. And I was like, oh, okay, great. And then July 2020, I put it out. It like does okay. People hear it, they like it, but it wasn't life-changing. A year and a half later, so the end of 2021 going into 2022, all of a sudden I start seeing people making videos to it online.

20:30And I still to this day don't really understand how, but it just kind of kept bubbling. So I kind of capitalised on that and I posted a video being like, what's going on? Why are people using the sound? And then it kept going up and up and up and up and up. And it just didn't stop. And then we got to number two in the charts and did different remixes. And that was the song that sort of changed everything. It was fucking huge. It was massive. But with that, did you then feel pressure? Because you went, I've had this massive viral hit. it's everywhere. Yeah. But how do I follow that up? I think I would have had that if it got to number one.

21:14If it got to number one and went even crazier than it did, I think I would have been like, whoa. But because it got to number two, I'm like, there is a world in which another song will do that. I hope. It gave you that challenge of actually, I've still got a chance to top this one. Exactly. in time fingers crossed otherwise I will be a one hit wonder well I've been trying to write a song for my wife who I love right more than anything in the whole world that's sweet and I was wondering if I could run some lyrics past you yeah to see if you know these are some that I've written actually okay do you want to set them to some music we've actually got an instrument in the building yeah why not alright okay let's do that then There we go.