Dani Dyer: Fears, Family & Facing the Unknown

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1:37Hello, welcome. Does work.

1:44It does work. Hi. Welcome to my office. Fuck off, I'm dribbling.

1:55Hello and welcome to my office. This is Joe Marler with See You Now with me, Dr. Joe Marler. This is the show where I ask a celebrity if I can have a root around their mind, sort a few things out, and then be off on my merry way. With me, as always, is my trusty research assistant, Jake. Hello, sir. One take wonder.

2:20Oh, you always undermine me. You're like that baddie from... You're like the baddie from that film with the family who are all superheroes. You're like the baddie from The Incredibles. You're the underminer. Like I said, one take wonder. We have had a few multiple takes of the intro before. No, we haven't. Which is natural. No, we haven't. Never had a dribble. The dribble is new. The dribble is new. What do you think about that start, though? So to get the energy up, us going... And going straight into it. I thought that was good but I think that that there's certainly an energy in the room I think that agitated my saliva glands I think the table would agree wouldn't it I don't have you ever agitated your saliva saliva glands yeah yeah yeah yeah if I ever see any sort of like saturated fat with cheese on it my saliva glands get very sort of like Pavlov's dog sorry a saturated fat with cheese on it Oh yeah, that's just saturated fat with saturated fat on it, isn't it?

3:28Are you okay? I don't know. What's new in your world, Jake? What's new in your world? I asked you first. I have nothing new in my world. I got nothing. Nothing. Nothing. But I think I know there's something new in your world. Yeah, there is. What have you got? I've got a bike. Whoa! He's active. And I'm wearing trainers because I'm walking a lot as well these days. What's all this then? Why haven't you got a bike? Why are you walking? Just trying to lose a bit of weight, get a bit healthy. Lose that saturated fat. I was going to say I'd quite like to see you on a bike. Why? It would bring me great pleasure.

4:09Why? You don't think I can ride a bike, do you? I just think seeing you on a bike would just give me such a great sort of faith in the power of physics and engineering. What? Because you're massive. Because you are... Because you're a... Like, muscly massive. I'm not calling you, like, fat. It doesn't matter how you word it, mate. Sorry, this can't be the first time you're realising that you're fucking massive. The bitch that you're emphasising... I'm not upset about. I'm upset about, oh, the wonder of physics. Yeah, it would be a triumph of engineering. It would be. To see you on Earth. There you go again.

4:50To see you try and hide it. I'm not hiding it. You do, you go, oh, the triumph of engineering. That's such an offensive thing to say. Is it? I don't know. So where are you riding your bike? I've only been out on it once. How'd it go? What do you mean, how'd it go? Did you fall off? No, it didn't fall off. I had my daughter on the back. Oh. It's one of those, like, carry ones. That's so sweet. She was screaming the entire time, telling me to go slower. How fast were you going? I had to walk it in the end. I had to get off and walk. So excited about your new bike. And then you're just walking it like, just slurder for you.

5:26I was so excited. We could all, we have all got a bike now. Let's go out for a bike ride as a family. Obviously, I've got the e-bike. Just help me out. It's an e-bike? Get this quiet. Talk about wandering engineering. We're going to need a little bit of extra help with this guy. Yeah, but I am carrying two. What do you mean? You're going to be an auto. She's not a small bit of kit, my four-year-old. Yeah. I don't think the four-year-old's the bit that's making a difference. You'd be surprised, Matt. I don't think she's tipping the balance, is she? She only is carrying this unit up that hill. Why do I tell you stuff?

6:03Who have we got in for their mind mapping session? Wow, that's what we're doing, a mind mapping session. We've got someone who has won SAS Who Dares Wins. We've got someone who is a podcaster, a TV presenter. We've got someone who has just become the star of a new show, all about caravanning. Yes. Yes. My cup of tea here. Yes. Milk and one. Danny Dyer! So, key stats. Love Island winner. Daughter of actor Danny Dyer. Yeah, spelled differently. Who's a bit of a legend. What do you think having Danny Dyer as a dad would be like? Fucking cool. Yeah. What the fuck's having you as a dad like? I bet pretty cool.

6:46The opposite to that. Surely, your kids are like the most talked about people in the playground. Everyone's like, oh my God, Joe Marlis, their dad. No. No? No, no, no. My son tells people that his dad's John the Plumber. That's how embarrassed he is of me. Or maybe you know something you don't.

7:07Oh my God. Dani and her dad obviously have this amazing show where they are running this caravan park. Yeah, what's going to be the plan of attack for Dani? How are we going to help her? Are we going to... Well, she's a bit of a contradiction because she's done a lot of very brave things. You know, for example, setting up a caravan park, going on SAS, who dares wins. Did she also do DIY SOS? No, that was Nick Knowles and I have no idea how you've got those two confused. Yeah, fair enough. I'd love to see her DIY SOS. She'd probably be very good at it. But I think she also has a lot of fears and phobias, which I'd quite like to.

7:44I think we should maybe have that as an angle we could get into as well. She's sitting there with Janet, mate. She's been quite some time with her. Oh God, okay. Do you think they've got much in common? Janet used to caravan. Did she? Yeah, she used to caravan with her famous dad as well, so she's got that in common. Who's her dad? We're not allowed to say. We're not allowed to say. Okay, fine. I'll ask her another time. Hello, Janet. How are you? Yeah, cool. Could you send in Danny Dyer, please? Thank you. Bye-bye.

8:18Danny Dyer, everybody! Hello! Hi. I just went like that then. Why did you curse me? I don't know. I just curse you for some reason. Janet sorted you out with a drink, did she? Yep, a lovely little electrolyte this morning. Janet's doing electrolytes, is she? She's selling electrolytes, yeah. She's selling them. She charged you for electrolytes? She's using this office to run her own side business. She takes the piss week on week, but this is a new level. Oh, wow. Yeah. This is my research assistant, Jake. Danny, lovely to meet you. Hello, lovely to meet you. I can already feel a really positive aura as soon as you walked in, so I'm very excited.

8:59With every guest, we start with an intake questionnaire. Yeah. Would you like to begin? I would love to. Sure. Let's start at the beginning. Full name. Full, absolute full name. Okay, well, I'm kind of in transition of two, really. You're changing your name? Well, I'm married, but I've not legally changed it yet. What? So I'm Danny Charlotte Mass Dyer, but now I'm going to be Danny Dyer Bowen. And what do you want me to write? Put Danny Dyer Bowen, then, yeah. Where do you think the inspiration for your name came from? Where did it come from? Oh, I wonder. It's got to be the other Danny Dyer, isn't it?

9:38What would you have been called if you were a boy? Probably Danny. Spelled the same way? No, probably the N-Y. Because my dad's actual name is Daniel. Is it? But it's D-A-N-I-A-L because his dad was drunk when he signed the birth certificate off. Yeah. He spelled it wrong. So he's actually Dan-Y-A-L. Dan-Y-A-L? Dan-Y-A-L. What's your star sign? Leo. Occupation? I don't know. Reality TV? Yeah, good. Most irrational fear? Irrational. I don't like mice. But that's not irrational. Irrational, irrational. Why don't you like mice? You're being irrational. Why don't you like mice? I had them in my house once and I was petrified of them.

10:23Do you like rats? No. So you don't like any rodent? No. Biggest ick? Biggest ick? People with an ego. Would you argue that everyone's got an ego? Probably in our world.

10:42And by ego, do you mean like… People are just assholes, you know? Okay. People that just think they're like… Arogan. Above everyone. I just look at this world as we're all just trying to have the best life, right? We've all just got different jobs. That's how I look at it. Yeah. I don't like people that go, well, you just shut up. That's so cool. That's how I look at it, you know? It's just your job. I love that. She's your job, babe. We've all got different jobs. What makes you most anxious? Most anxious? Oh, God, a lot of things. I'm such an anxious Annie. Really? I always think before I do anything.

11:21Like, if I won... Jared said to me that if I won, like, a lottery ticket, I wouldn't believe that I'd won the lottery. Isn't that weird? I would believe that the ticket wasn't real. Why? Don't know. I think I'm the same as you. Yeah? That's pessimistic though, isn't it? I would say I'm more pessimistic and negative, but you're the most positive chakra-aured person that I've come across so far. No, I am, but I'm very like a worry. A worrier. Worrier, yeah. Something you're repulsed by. Bad breath. Jo, you've got a lovely breath. You've got lovely breath. You do, you really do. I was a dental nurse, so I'm obsessed with like periodontal disease and shit.

12:10A few years. You've got fantastic teeth, actually. They're composite bonding. I can't take credit. Rank these iconic rural destinations. Clarkson's Farm, Emmerdale Farm or Nutt's Farm? It's going to be a bit egotistical rating as one, isn't it? It's up to you, mate. We've all got an ego. Make the right decisions, Danny. Nutt's Farm. Always first. Three or one? One. One, yep. And then Clarkson's Farm. Diddly Squat. Diddly Squat. Two. And then Emmerdale. Emmerdale. I've never watched Emmerdale. What? You don't like Emmerdale? I've never watched Emmerdale. Why don't you like Emmerdale? Combination Street.

12:49Why don't you like Corrie? I don't know. Did you have to be loyal to EastEnders? Is that why? Maybe. Did you watch EastEnders before your dad was in it? Yes. And then I watched it and then just kind of stopped. Did he ruin it for you? A little bit. Watching Nick Carter in a pink dressing gown. Well, it's hard to believe what's going on really. Nick and Linda. Yeah, I was into this until my dad turned up. And then you go, well, you fucking made this shit. He's dead. Is he though? He's dead. What do you mean? He got lost at sea. Is that a spoiler? No, he is dead, isn't he? He got lost at sea. He got lost at sea, yeah, fair.

13:24I'm a big EastEnders fan. So he's not dead. Well, he might not be in 10 years. Whoa. Exclusive. Exclusive. An exclusive for 10 years time. Yeah, sure. Complete the phrase. Bowen's on fire. And he's shagging Danny Dyer. How bad is that? It does make sense, the fire and the Dyer. It is clever, whoever. I would love to meet the person that made it up. I would absolutely just love to know. It's just going everywhere at the minute, though, because for some reason there was a game the other day and they filmed my dad quite a lot during this West Ham game and he was singing the song and now there's like this massive thing.

14:04He was singing that song? Well, he was singing it, yeah. What do you mean? He's always sang it. So when people are singing it, he just gets involved. Does he interpret it as him? I think he's more looking at it himself. Yeah, so he thinks it's actually about him. Yeah, probably. Not you. No, it's just a bit of banter. Yeah. Does Jared ever sing it? No. Maybe at our wedding he did. Because we had it played at our wedding for a bit of bant. Do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor? Yes. Sure? Yeah. Great. Okay.

14:42You've got a life where loads of people depend on you. I think that's what we're establishing. But I've also realised from this intake questionnaire that you're quite a scaredy cat, aren't you? Yeah. So today I want to help you learn to face. Face the fear. Yeah, not too, I won't get too close because of the bad breath fear that you've also got. But let's face that fear. Let's look it in the eye, shall we? Yeah, let's do it. Anything else you'd like to work on? Or do you think that's fair? I think that's fair. Sure? Yeah. I don't want you to do something that you don't want to do. No, I consent.

15:16Well, you know, you already had done that bit. Yeah. That's fine. Right, we heard earlier about one or two of your fears, but let's give you the floor for a moment to really... The floor. tell us everything that scares you everything that scares me everything just everything you ready the full list the full list I think my fear is just how I worry a lot and I beat myself up quite a lot like I love to have a laugh but then with like with my personal life say I'm always like second guessing a little bit and I don't like that like since becoming a mum I'm always like am I doing enough for my children the mum guilt is horrible but you're not doing enough or you're not there enough yeah am I not yeah Or you're missing out.

16:01It is fucking awful, isn't it? Yeah. But you also then can't be so hard on yourself because you're out there doing stuff without them, but you're doing it for them. Yeah, and it makes you a better person because you're doing what you enjoy. Yeah. What about other fears? Any fears that you haven't admitted publicly yet? Any fears? What about heights? Scared of heights? Scared of... I did SAS and I didn't realise how scared I was of everything. You won SAS then? Yeah, but I was scared of everything. I don't know how they didn't rip my fucking armband off because I just kept going. I was scared of heights.

16:35I was scared of tight tunnels. That's claustrophobia, right? I'm claustrophobic as well. Fucking hate it. Yeah. Really lose the plot. And I got stuck in a tube, a water slide tube. No, you didn't. In Dubai. My eldest, he was like, oh, can we go up and do this tube one? I was like, yeah, okay, sure. And I was like, yeah, it'll be fine because they go really quick. I'll just keep my eyes shut and just go really quick. But they don't go really quick to begin with. Well, they do if you're like 12 and fucking two stone. I'm obviously not that, a bit more. And I got half stuck in it, in this tube. No, you didn't.

17:13Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. So I had to like jibby down this. And then finally I'm going. And I was like, oh, God. Like Augustus Glooper, Charlie, the chocolate factory. I'm just here stuck at all. Please stop! That's why I sat here and I'd get to the bottom. He was like, fuck it, what took you so long? I was like, shut up, we're not doing it again! We are not doing this again! You've had such bad experiences! Fuck! What about water? Does water scare you? Yeah. Oh, like in what form? Swimming. I'm really bad at swimming. I need to get better because I've got kids. Don't like the sea. The sea is very unknown to me.

17:51Well, you're not the only one. We know more about space than we do the sea. Yeah. I've never swam with the fishes or anything like that, Mum. What? I've never gone underwater and swam with the... Do you know what that means? What? Hey, she's swimming with the fishes now. Oh, yeah. Do you know what that means? No. That's what the Mafia say when they mean... Stop. She's gone. Really? She's gone. You've been whacked. Swim with the fishes. Shit. Yeah. Oh, I don't like all that. Actually, do you know what? I think it's you're going to sleep with... There's another beer, then? Yeah. I think it's you're going to sleep with the fishes, not you're going to swim with the fishes.

18:22I just realised. I'm like literally because I want to go get one of them body scans done. You know when they check your hole but then I'm so scared that I'm going to have something done and then I'm going to be dead in like a month or something. You want a body scan as in like a DEXA scan? Yeah, you know when they check everything to check if you're okay? But you go through the machine. But I am so scared that that's going to happen and then they're going to tell me something and then in a month's time I won't be here. You're like a walking what's the woman from Final Destination? Oh shit, yeah.

18:53when they all die in a row, right? Yeah. Whoever got off the plane then dies anyway. You know the one. And you're just panicking like, fuck, that's going to fall on me. That's going to fall on me. Oh my God, I'm going to get electrocuted by this lamp if I do this. Ah! Ah! I didn't actually. That was a joke. I know. I'm sorry. Mate, it's bad that I'm like that. What about spiders? I don't mind a spider. I always let them free. What about any other creepy crawlies? Yes, snakes. Or you don't like snakes? When people have pet snakes, I'm like... I don't really, yeah, like that sort of stuff. But you're okay with spiders?

19:30Yeah, I let them free. If I see a spider in the ass, I leave him alone. What are you scared of, Joe? Nothing. You must be. You've got to be. Er... I guess my deepest fear isn't that I'm inadequate. My deepest fear is that I'm powerful beyond measure. you plan small doesn't serve the world sure let your light shine i love that you know wow this little light of mine i'm gonna let it shine i said this little light of mine i'm gonna let it shine let it shine let it shine let it shine He's a bit egotistical though, isn't he? An egotistical maniac? I won't call you an egotistical person at all. But you would call me a maniac?

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21:41This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. So we have established that you're a bit of a scaredy cat. Yes. We want to play a quick game to see how aligned your fears are with the fears of the nation in a game we're calling Family Misfortunes. Here are the top five fears of Brits. I was going to say Brits in the UK. Here are the top five fears of Brits in the UK. Keep that one. Keep that one, please. If you can guess them, if you can get your mind into the mind of the nation. Okay. However, if you get three wrong, you're out of there, and Joe will have a chance to complete the board.

22:17Right, okay, so the UK's top five fears. Do you want to have a go at guessing your first one? Top fear of the UK? These are the top five fears of the UK. I would say spiders. You want to go spiders? Let's find out. Is spiders an option? It is spiders! Right, yeah, good. 22 % of people scared of spiders. The legs are supposed to. Scored one. Okay, so, where do you want to go next? I would say, like, mice, then. Mice? Mice. Mouse, rats. No, no, they're different things. Do you mean rodents? Rodents. Is rodents an answer? That's a shame. It's not, I'm afraid. What was that? That was a... Let's say it again.

22:59So it's a no. No, no rodents. There's no rats on there. Not in the top five, guys. Not in the top five. Okay, so you go again. You've got two, if you get it wrong two more times, it goes to Jo. Ooh. Okay. Ghosts? Gonna go with ghosts. Is ghosts in there? Oh, what? Ghosts. Ghost is not in there. Don't be scared of that spiritual ghost. Wouldn't you like to meet them? No. You don't want to meet ghosts? I'm into all my crystals and my cards, but I don't want - Into crystals? Yeah, I like a crystal. I don't really know much about them. What do you mean, into crystals? I like it when someone buys me a nice crystal, like a aura.

23:34What's that got to do with a ghost? I'm into that dipping my toe in the spiritual side, but then I don't want to see anything. Would you ever do a Ouija board? No. What? No. Not for me, I'm afraid. I really want... Jake, will you do a Ouija board? I'll do a Ouija board with you. Will you? No, you shouldn't. Promise? You can let things in that you don't want in. You really believe that? Yeah. Really believe. Well, you don't know until you try. Yeah, I just won't bother doing that. Right, so you've got two wrong. If you get one more wrong, Joe gets to complete the board. Scared of the dark? You're going to go scared of the dark.

24:06Yes, that's got to be on there. What? What? It's not on there. Mate, are you high? It's not on there. No, I'm not high. No, I'm not high. No, no, no, no. I'm going to win, aren't I? Yeah, you're going to win. You need to get one right. Yeah, perfect. All right, what are we going to go with?