How To Stop Feeling Stressed: The Katherine Ryan Method

19:23Joe Marler:No. No one on the team? The other teams? I didn't say anything. Oh, yeah. Jake? Jake. Janet? Janet didn't call you a slag. She said other things. Okay. But no slag here. It's fine. So it was just you two for a long period of time. Yeah. How was it then... you two on your own to then a house full of sick you're like there's 60 now you know and i hate to say it because this will be brought up in therapy sessions down the line by my kids but i think my life was maybe better as a single mom it was really straightforward do you know what i mean and i love the kids and they're here now and i love my husband also but like when it's just two gals living it up.

20:11That was easy. That was really nice. We were poor. Still prefer it. We, because I knew that everything was me. I just did it. I didn't, I was never counting on anyone else. I was never comparing myself to anyone else. I didn't have to collaborate with anyone else. I didn't have to be like outperformed by anyone else because the kids, they really love my husband. That's hurtful.

20:36Joe Marler:Oh. Joe, do you feel that you bring the stresses of life into your parenting? Definitely. Really? Definitely. Mate, I'll look at my week on a Sunday night, look at my planner that we've got worked out, and then on a Sunday morning, and I'll start spinning out. Okay. And I'll be spinning out. I'll be really short with the kids. Ah. I'll be, like, pacing about the place. I won't be able to sit down. Just all this, like, anxiety and stress starts coming out and taking it out on them or Daisy, and immediately she'll be like, hmm, busy week ahead. It's not our fault that you've said yes to everything.

21:13Joe Marler:Like, don't take it out on us sort of thing. Like, you need to sort of work out how you deal with that. And I want to be better at doing that. Oh, okay. I think I need to spend a day in your household. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nuts. I suppose I have a little bit of that, Jo, sometimes. But I don't take it out on the kids, really. I'll just take it out on my husband. And that's allowed because of the gender dynamic. So if you said I just take it out on Daisy, that would be really bad. But I could be like, I just take it out on my husband. And people look at him and he's nice and he's strong and they go, he'll be fine.

21:43So maybe you need a husband.

21:44Joe Marler:Take it out on me if you want. Oh yeah, take it out on me, I'm all around. I think you'd report that to HR, wouldn't you? Well, Janet's HR and she's not going to do anything about it. Yeah, she's too busy with her own new fans to be fair. Exactly, she's got a lot on. I'm trying to think if I've ever met anyone else like you. As horizontal as you are. nothing seems to phase you no I know Jamali Maddox nothing really fazed him yeah do you know what I mean he was the most laid back nothing stresses you the whole thing we were all like mate we need to put this to the test I don't know where we're going to go here Jake well it is bad though like I would love to be stressed again because if you could sort that out for me doctor I worry that I'm like defective that there's something wrong that I'm never, because all that's exciting and I've lost, like I don't dance anymore.

22:38Joe Marler:That's why. I don't know if I could. I just don't. I'll go to concerts, like I went to see Beyonce and I just sat and enjoyed it as though it was like a serious play. That sounds great to me. I'd have no issues with that whatsoever. Fucking dancing is no-no. You and I should go to concerts together. No one should ever be allowed to dance unless you're watching them. Thanks, Joe. Yeah. Because I'm shamed by the people that I attend these concerts with. And like, I feel like I'm a bad time and I ruin stuff. No, no, we should go see Beyonce together. Okay. Poor Beyonce looks out in the crowd like, that white couple with the big legs hate me.

23:13They refuse to dance.

23:18Joe Marler:I want to touch on a serious point that you made earlier, I think. You said, I used to get nervous first starting out. I used to get nervous and I could feel that energy and that anxiety and then it would make me feel alive almost to go out there. And I always used to think that the nerves, or still think, nerves are a good thing. It means you care. You're nervous because you're like, I want to do a good job. I want to go out there and give my, do you know what I mean? And it's then up to you to develop ways of changing those nerves into fight or flight. You either go out there and fight and give it your all or you just fuck off and watch Beyonce on your own without dancing.

23:57Joe Marler:Yeah. You know? But I got less and less nervous the older I got. And the more I did the same thing every week because I became more confident with it and more thingy. And it's... But also became... Yeah, I did start becoming a bit numb to it. I went, oh, I'm done. I'm done with this. And that made me feel sad. I was like, oh, I want to start feeling again. Was there anything that actually happened to you that you're like, ah, this is what's rocked the boat and makes me feel, not want to feel anxious or stressed about anything. Well, career-wise, there were milestones that I wanted to hit. And then, like you say, the repetition of it, you learn, your brain learns how to separate nervous from excited.

24:46And then nervous melts away. And I'm still excited. I feel very grateful to do my job. I still feel, oh, that'll be fun. That'll be great. I get excitement. But the nervous, really scary bit of it is dead. But then also, when my daughter was young and things were actually hard, I'll never forget how it feels when you have real stress. Stress that you might be homeless. Stress that you might face some sort of terrible ending. Stress that your children might not be okay. also I hate to take it to like a dark place but at my age now I do have people who've lost like their spouse or god forbid they've had a sick child or something so I just think at one point in my life I really separated like nothing matters very much and very little matters

25:31Joe Marler:at all wow we like that don't we yeah really like that and if you go into everything I still want to do well. I want to perform well. But I know that if my children are safe and well, I'm already very lucky. I wake up every day like a dog, just being like, oh, it's all still here.

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27:39Joe Marler:systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency. When every second counts count on ADT visit ADT.com to learn more let's move on to your podcast shall we okay what's my age again they wanted to call that podcast how to stay young and I didn't like that because I just was like what's a bit no disrespect to loose women but it's a bit and I think with me fronting it I'm the issue people would think that it's a podcast about plastic surgery or something like that. It's not. So what my age again, where did the inspiration for it come from?

28:19Just like the format of the podcast, really. So we invite a guest, an interesting person in sport, or like a comedian or an actor or a musician, and we test their blood and they're willing to give us their actual blood. And then we send it off to a company called Glycon Age and they look at the cells and they see how old their body is on a cellular level. So how efficient their cells are, how young their cells behave. And then we interview that guest about like career and stress and family and find out what might be contributing to a very high or very low biological age.

28:51Joe Marler:You got tested yourself. I did. And it says here that your biological age was? 77. Wow. 77. Yeah. That's, that's, that's high. I know. Because you're not that, are you? Not quite. No, you're not you're not 77 my mom cried when she listened to the podcast she cried yeah for you she thought that it meant that i had like days to live yeah my sister called me she's like mom's crying because

29:21Joe Marler:that's how it made your mom feel but how did it make you feel going i didn't care you didn't care no i felt like oh i i anticipated that because i do have a lot of inflammation because i have I can't even get life insurance, which sucks. I know. And I'm like a really healthy person. I'm never sick. I've never missed a day of work for being sick. But they don't like that I've had cancer twice. I have lupus. I have celiac disease. I have all these kids. Like, I live a tricky life. I haven't had like bad—well, melanoma's not the worst cancer. But I've had that twice, and they don't like it on the insurance forms.

29:58Joe Marler:Fucking hell. I've reverted to plan B, don't die. That's what my daughter says. She's four. Oh, God. She gave us the advice and she says it all the time now. Don't die. We went swimming. It was the first time we all went swimming together. It was a hideout pool. And before we all got in, we showed, guys, remember, be careful not to die. We're like, that is so valid. It's a really important point she makes. And now she says it every time we go out. Be careful we don't die. so it's quite morbid going out for the day with you and i don't want to make it a bit more morbid but what color is pixie's swimsuit what i just take every opportunity i can to tell people that it should be like a bright ass neon like yellow or orange and it's a public service announcement that no child should have like a neutral or blue swimsuit because it makes them invisible in the water sorry yeah wow yeah i know i just have you have turned that but thank you for the advice yet again no problem i've just got a litany sorry of i have to say it here we go just another thing thank you because it might save one life if i say it no i like it it's good um what's your relationship with aging then like what's your because you've been open about yeah having a facelift yeah and then for me i'm like well surely that's a stress you're stressed about getting old otherwise you wouldn't be doing something about it.

31:22I don't think so. I think, you know, like if you go to dinner, it's not because you're stressed about being hungry. You just want to go to dinner because it's a nice time. I am getting older. I'm also someone who sells tickets that people buy to come see me in real life. I feel like I owe them the respect of like a glamorous experience. And I want to be funny and I want to have a great show, but they're also looking at me like from lower and with all the babies that I had, my husband's so sexy and I just got like fat and thin and fat and thin and fat and thin and my neck, my neck just started to go and I was like, I'm going to sort this.

31:59I wasn't stressed about it. It was just like, you know, got to do this today, pop out to the shops for milk, take the dog to the groomer, better get a facelift. Yeah.

32:10Joe Marler:What, how do you feel about that? Your daughter's 16, 17? Almost 17. how do you feel about that in a world of guy for young girls now that you go yeah it's fine i'm getting facelift boob job have this done have that done are you conscious that what if your daughter turned around early doors and was like i want to get this done i want to get that done i would be really toxic actually i think i would not stop her because you have to be collaborative with that age group they're going to do what they want to do anyway me doing it actually makes it less desirable because I'm not cool. Anything I do, she thinks is really cringe.

32:48And she's not one who I think is ever going to do that. But if she did, I would make sure she went to the best doctor. I would advise her on like, please don't get on a plane and like, go do it on the cheap.

33:00Joe Marler:Stay away from Turkey. Well, there are some good doctors there. There's a guy. Stay away from the shit ones in Turkey. Yeah. And that's the trouble. Once there's a language barrier and you don't know. I've even heard the good doctors subbing out once you're asleep, and then some trainee in denim comes along, and he's doing your surgery. I like the detail of denim. Well, I just think wearing denim into the operating room is really hot. It's not the done thing, is it? Thank you, Joe. It's not the done thing. You do not wear denim. You can tell who's a real doctor. Yeah, you do not wear denim in the surgery.

33:35Joe Marler:I know that. But, yeah, I just think social media and what her peers are doing are so much more influential than what I am doing. And I know there are people, more than young people, but women my own age have said, Oh, I feel really let down by that, that you went and did that because I thought we were all in this together and we were feminists. We were going to get old together. No, I never said that I was going to do that. Well, you're still getting old. You're on your own, fatty. You're still getting old together, just some of you look better than others. Not better. Sometimes a facelift does not look better.

34:14I just do whatever I want to do, and I think, like, I can't fix culture. Sure, I wish everybody felt really authentic and amazing and peaceful and at home in their own skin. And you shouldn't really be risking your life. It's a small risk with a good doctor, but general anesthetic. I mean, you shouldn't really be doing that. but I wanted to.

34:36Joe Marler:Do you do anything else to outrun aging? Everyone's all about this biohacking and NMN and all this shit. Take all that lot. Is that something you're into as well? Not on the level of Brian Johnson. Canadian. Oh yeah, he's Canadian as well. Yeah. Every time. It's like they're Canadian. But I have learned on the podcast since that there are easy things you can do. Olive oil is really, really good for you. That's why people on the Mediterranean diet thrive. It's called a blue. Blue zone. Blue zone. Sardinia. Thank you. Unbelievable. There's somewhere in Japan as well. Or is it Japan? Probably Japan, yeah.

35:17They don't die. Sardinia, I looked into that. They've got like the most centurions.

35:23Joe Marler:Yeah. And you go, why? And then, well, it's lifestyle. They don't get stressed. They don't get, they're just all laid back. They're having siestas and all sorts. and then olive oil, their diet, and you go, oh, that's so nice. Immediately, if we get these answers, we go, oh, yeah, that would be great. We can have like a nicer life here and come back to our world. And then we go, fuck it all off. And then we just work, work, work, work. What for? Why do we do that? I don't know. We do have quite a toxic culture. Overdoing it, even in athletics, is really bad for your biological age, especially if you're a woman.

35:56So we've had dames on the show. We've had Jill Scott on the show. And any elite athlete woman, her biological age is slightly older than her chronological one.

36:08Joe Marler:Because Joe's got this very, very weird thing where so many guests come on and no one can guess his age. He sort of has an ageless face, but then he also, at the same time, always gets other people's ages completely wrong. There was a thing with Pete Wicks recently that, I don't know, people can't stop sharing, where they both thought each other were 47, I think. Yeah. But then you put your foot in it as well and you sort of told Maisie Adam, you're like, God, you've been around for ages, haven't you? Yeah. You can believe she was 31, I think. Do you not do that on your pod? No. But your pod is based around, like it's in the title, it's based around age.

36:45Joe Marler:Surely you look at your guest and you go, 31. No. And then you get the, no? I have it written down because guessing, as you've learned, is a dangerous game. That's a good one. That's how to run it. Why can't I get it written down? Well, we've got a little game where we're going to see if you guys can guess some celeb ages of celebrities who famously are kind of ageless or hard to spot at least. So you're going to use your imagination, picture them in the head, you guess their age. I would say on the sort of spectrum of games, it's on the more basic side. Sounds like a fun game. Thanks so much, Catherine.

37:21Joe Marler:Paul Rudd. Where are we going? What are we doing? He kind of feels ageless. For ages though, isn't he? Yeah. That's what I base it off. I've seen him loads of things. He's like 54. Yeah, I think he's probably 51, but he looks great. It's 1-0-2. Joe, he's 57. No way is he 57. Wow, Paul Rudd. So good. 60, that's wild. Right, second one, Timothee Chalamet. Young. Could be 12, could be 40. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a tough one. He's fucking 19. I think he's 32. No. Maybe older, like, yeah. One goes to Catherine Ryan, he's 30. He's 30. Dame Judi Dench. Fucking ancient. Oh. Ancient. I'd say... 108. 86.

38:12Joe Marler:94. Wow. How old is she? You're both very close. She's 91 years old. So you win. Romesh Ranganathan. Where do we go? Where do you want to go? He's been a teacher before, hasn't he? Like, he must be old. I feel like on a cellular level, he's gotta be doing good as well. He's got glasses. Looks after himself. I will tell you, Ramesh has been a guest on my podcast. So I should remember when it was, but his biological age is a lot younger as a vegan than his chronological age. And I think his chronological age was 48. I think. I was gonna put him mid to late 50s. What? 53. He's 48. So being a vegan really will bring your biological age down?

39:00Well, it's not the exclusion of all meat per se, because fish has really nice oils and chicken's fine, a little bit of meat's fine. Processed anything is really bad for inflammation, so any processed deli meat, bad. But also it takes up space that you could be eating plants. So ideally you eat 30 plants a week. for your biological age. 30 is a lot.

39:24Joe Marler:It's two all. This is the decider. Huge. Justin Trudeau. 52? The decider this. It's the decider of a quiz that you don't get any prize at the end. So it sort of matters not. Well, it matters for the edit because it'll be a nice little bit of business. It'll cut down really nicely. It really will. So you're going with 52 then, Catherine. But I'll tell you, Joe, I really don't know. He's 47.

39:55Joe Marler:He is. And the point goes to the expert in the room. He's 54. The point goes to Catherine Ryan. Catherine Ryan wins the game.

40:05Joe Marler:I think there was always going to be one win, wasn't there? I've got a really bad track record. No, I've got a bad track record. You did have a bad track record. I really... When I first met you. How old did you think I was when you met me? At least in your 40s. Really? Yeah. Genuinely? Yeah, and now you've got that suit on. 12. It's mid to late 40s. I did my metabolic age at the gym. So you sort of... Metabolic age? I think it's a similar thing to what... Metabolic? Metabolic, I think. Metabolic? Yeah, I think it means how your cells metabolise. But you're just stood there and you just hold on to the machine.

40:40Joe Marler:That doesn't sound that accurate. It's not as accurate as the blood test, I don't think. But it was about 45. Whoa! Yeah. I'm 32. The woe wasn't great. I thought a lot of people were a bit older. It just feels more sinister coming from the gym. You know? Like if we tested your blood and you've got a higher one, I'd ask you about stress and your sleeping and stuff, but the gym, that hurt.

41:13Right.

41:13Joe Marler:We've all asked our loved ones what makes them stressed and they've replied with voice notes. Okay, so I've got mine on mine. You've asked Violet, haven't you? Yes. Okay, and she was all right with it? Happy to oblige. Okay, right. Let's hear their problems and see if maybe, just maybe, you share some of these anxieties yourself. Okay. And the great thing about this, they're all different ages. They are. Yeah, yours is your... Well, she's my mum, yeah. Your mum. Yeah, yeah. Yours is your daughter. My oldest daughter, yep. And mine is my youngest daughter. So let's, we've got a whole variety of what affects different ages at different stages of their life.

41:58That'll be cool.

41:59Joe Marler:I think it's important you go first. Please share first. Okay, yes, I will. One thing that's definitely stressing me out right now is the thought of taking my driving test. It's coming up very soon and since I'm born very late in the year, all my friends have already done it. They're all doing their theories, all doing their lessons. Some of my friends have actually already passed. And, like, it's so stressful because I'm hearing all these horror stories about driving instructors. And, yeah, that's really stressing me out recently. Whoa. First of all, incredible diction. Yes. Every single consonant is pronounced so impeccably well.

42:33Joe Marler:No Canadian accent whatsoever. No, that my kids are British. And it throws people that they don't sound like me. But you and Bobby aren't British? No. At all? I've heard your British voice actually, you don't really put it on a decent one. If I had one, it'd be like this. I'd be like, I'm gorgeous, like a glamour model. Yeah. I talk like this. Yeah. That's my favourite one. My daughter, if I'm taught like that. No, she doesn't, no. She's stressed about her driving test. Yeah, she, I think we'll see who has got ADHD and who doesn't. Because when it comes to schoolwork, when it comes to cleaning the bathrooms, when it comes to folding her laundry, no focus.

43:18But this driving test, I've seen the revision.

43:20Joe Marler:Wow. I've seen the effort go in. She's chosen a car that she wants us to get for her. She's organized, like fast track. So this stress is good for her. I think it's motivating. Yes. And like you described, my like shoddy parenting, I haven't really prepared her for stress in life. She's not stressed in any other area. Is she finding the stress uncomfortable or is she finding it just like a motivating feeling that means I feel the stress which is driving me to do this? Yeah, I think both. I think she's quite fearful of not passing because it's a status thing, isn't it? Sounds like a FOMO thing as well.

44:01Joe Marler:Like she said about her friends, they're all passing around and she's like, oh, they're all going to be going here, going there. And it's like, surely they'll pick you up if they're going there as well. Actually, I won't let her drive with the new drivers, which is a point of contention. She wanted to go out tomorrow with a girl who got her licence, like, yesterday. And I said, no. Because that stresses you out? It doesn't stress me out. I just... Fucking hell, Catherine. Nearly, nearly found one there. I thought I had it. We nearly had it with the safety of her child, but not quite. Even that, it was just...

44:33Joe Marler:No, not stressed about it, just, you know. Well, I think if I allowed it to happen... I'm not stressed about it because I can prevent it from happening but if I allowed it to happen then I think yes I would be stressed It could cause stress Yep, yes Nearly very close So I feel like Mary Curie Wow, yes, it's the same level of discovery isn't it? You know what Jo, thank you and you're right I am going to let my daughter get in the car with just anyone No So I can feel that rush again No That's it, that's it No. My daughter doing dangerous things is really what fires me up. You found it. And, I mean, she will be grateful.

45:16The list of things she wants to do, Jo.

45:19Joe Marler:Jake, I think we should go to you next. So... Is it your mum? It's my mum. Yeah. So we've heard from Catherine's daughter, Violet, who is stressed about her driving test. Now my mum, slightly older, this is how stress manifests, maybe at a different stage in life. So, I feel that, you know, my life's pretty stressful because of the age that I've got to. So, I've got, you know, children who are now grown up and adults. But while they've been growing up, I've realised, I haven't realised actually, that my parents are actually getting older. So, now they are older. You know, Dad is 95, Mum's 88. So, I'm actually looking after them.

46:01Joe Marler:So, I'm really in the middle. I'm one of what they call the sandwich generation. Sandwich? I haven't heard that before. I've been able to let go of my children who are self-sufficient, but my parents not so much. I'm having to look after them. A lot of stress, isn't it? That is, she's at the sandwich generation. I've never heard that before. But isn't every generation the sandwich generation? You're always sandwiched between two generations, aren't you? I hate that our parents are now like, I'm the sandwich generation. I'm like, what, because you have kids and parents? What are you talking about?

46:34Joe Marler:That's a really valid point. Yeah, so there you go, Mum. The advice from Katherine Ryan is, what are you talking about? What are they talking about? What are you talking about? But interesting, isn't it? Or like the level of stress, the different types of things you're worrying about as soon as you get a little bit older become... But also the menopause. I don't know if your mum's like discussing that whole world with you, Jake. Have you had a big chat with your mum about this or... She does make a fun joke about saving on the heating bill because she's always... There you go. That's fun. Good, good.

47:03Joe Marler:Have you probed any more about it? Have you been there supportive? I haven't been there enough, actually, no. No. No. Because women used to be put into asylums. Yes. They'd be like, oh, mom's gone nuts. But it was just this menopause, which I have not dabbled in yet. But I'm learning about it. Even my generation, we're the first ones that they actually talk about it to us. And I'm scared. I think I'll be stressed then. I think we should all learn about it. Joe. Well, I've got two daughters. and a wife. I need to learn about this shit. You'll be dead when your daughters have menopause, probably.

47:38Joe Marler:No, I won't. They'll be the sandwich generation. No, I won't. I'm doing NMN. I'm doing fucking everything. What does Brian Johnson do? Compares his erection duration with his son. Actually, no, I won't then. I'd rather be dead. Okay, so let's go with our youngest. Oh, I can't wait for Pixie. Member. Here we go. Let's see what stresses Pixie out.

48:04Joe Marler:Ricks, what makes you feel happy? Playing with her toys makes her happy. And then, so then what makes you feel stressed? I don't know.

48:24Joe Marler:Listening to that, it made me realise I went, she doesn't feel stressed. it just made me go at what point does it get in your mum's life that it changes from pixies then it gets to your daughter who then goes I'm stressed about driving tests I want to be part of it and it becomes a bigger thing because of her social group around her the pressures of that not missing out on it all and that expectation then your mum and it's like why can't we just be more like Catherine and approach all these stress things horizontally. Yeah, but I guess, is it anything to do with when you have people relying on you and dependent on you?

49:09Joe Marler:Because even very calm and collected Catherine Ryan said, you know, early on in her career or when Violet was younger, the only real time you said you were feeling stressed was when it was like, oh, I need to make sure that Violet's all right when maybe we aren't doing as well as we are now. Maybe, is it that? That's what I'm hearing, personal responsibility. So Violet is growing into a phase of life where she has personal responsibility to start driving and have that autonomy. And if she doesn't pass, she can't argue her way out of it. She hasn't got a license. And then, Jake, your mother's got so much personal responsibility.

49:42And it just sounds like Pixie and I are shouldering kind of similar expectations. I just like playing with my toys.

49:55Joe Marler:Catherine, that brings our session to an end. Thank you so much for coming in today. I want to firstly apologise and say sorry, we couldn't really give you that much help. I wish you all the best in your endeavours in life. And also I thank you for sharing big parts of your life. And I think I'm going to leave here wanting to be more like you. Wow. And I'm going to take that approach back home with me and my parenting. Just be a bit more horizontal, a bit more chilled out. Yeah. A bit calmer with it all. I love it. Thank you. Good job. Before you leave, we give every client, guest, patient a badge.

50:41Wow.

50:42Joe Marler:To remind them of the journey they've been on. Successful or not successful. Okay, what have we gone for, Jake? Today's badge says no drama queen. Yeah. No drama queen. I like that. You happy with that? Yes. I also would have accepted real pain for my sham friends, champagne for my real friends. I don't think it would have fit on the badge. Okay. But I do prefer yours. I love it. You get a lollipop as well. Whoa! Can I have a lolly for real? Yeah. Thank you. Joe, I love this badge, and I've loved chatting to you and Jake today. Janet is an icon. Well, lucky for you, you get to see her again. Janet's going to come in and collect you Catherine Ryan everybody goodbye thank you Catherine thank you if you want to join the doctors waiting list then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at we'll see you now show remember unless it's not clear enough already I'm not a real doctor if you need any professional help you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram I've been Joe Marler And this has been Joe Marlow.

51:54Joe Marler:We'll see you now. And I'll see you next time. Bye-bye.

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