Joe Lycett Can't Escape the Chaos

23:25We used to have a lot of industry. But with that kind of industry comes a lot of hardworking spirit, a sense of justice, a sense of justice particularly for working people and people not being exploited. and I grew up with a mother who worked at Cadbury and my father used to design shopfronts and then became a teacher and we had a very normal sort of middle class I'd say upbringing. Your mum worked at Cadbury? She worked at Cadbury yeah. Oh my god how was that? It was quite good she would get they had a policy where when you were working there you could have anything off the line that wanted but there was the chocolate shop where they had all the kind of slightly off yeah green eggs yeah so sometimes she'd bring those back so that was nice and bourneville where the cabri factory is does smell of chocolate so you know if i ever went to sort of her work it was just wonderful um so yeah i think it's shaped me in all sorts of ways one thing that i'm not I don't do that a lot of Brummies do is I don't keep quiet about the city.

24:44So Brummies are often a bit sort of like, yes, all right, I'll come if you want. But I'm like, it's a great city, you should all be visiting Birmingham. And that is without any level of facetiousness. I do think it is a wonderful city to visit and has amazing culture. And we should shout about ourselves more. But there is also a Birmingham spirit, which is just like, come if you want, but like, we actually don't care. And you still live there now, don't you? Still live there now. Is that because you love it so hard? Yeah. Or is there part of you that goes, I've shouted so loud about it for so long.

25:18If I was then to be seen pitching up a tent in Notting Hill, you'd sort of also lose that credibility of, oh, well, you're full of shit, Joe. No, I think it's, I love London. I love coming to London. but I don't feel relaxed here in a way. The minute I get off the train in New Street, I suddenly go, ah, I'm here. Also, there's a thing where when I get off the train in Birmingham, I go, ah, these are my people because everyone's about 30 % less attractive. Like in London, you go, oh, there's quite a lot of hotties here. There's very few hotties in Birmingham. So I sort of fit in with the sort of blob people that, you know, like to Brummies, I'm like a seven.

26:00whereas in London I'd say I'm sort of four or five-ish. Oh, wow.

26:04Joe Marler:I think you were a six anywhere. Just a six. A six anywhere. No, that's good. I mean, you could be a six in Beverly Hills or Milton Keynes. Yeah. I think that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So you're a comedian, entertainer, delightful human but did you ever consider maybe like a normal career was that ever on the horizon yeah i think um when i first sort of emerged from university i was doing graphic design and i was i love graphic design so i was well up for i actually quite like the idea of setting up my design studio and working on different branding stuff but stand-up i got a bigger dopamine hit from it basically so just pursued that but i loved working i sold ice creams and worked on a bar in a theater and i loved that i'd happily go back to that job it was a very simple happy life watching shows and serving drinks i can serve drinks fast i can restock a bar quicker than your average and i'm an affable chap so you know i can speak to most people about anything so you know when you're sat on a bar easy enough you talk about chasing that dopamine hit So that's what stand-up gives you.

27:24You're going on tour again, are you? I'm going on tour again, yeah. Next year? Next year. What's it called? It's called Do You Really Lice It? Is It Wicked? We're loving it, loving it, loving it. We're loving it, lies it. Do you want me to say it again?

27:39Joe Marler:What was it again, sorry? Do you really license it? Is it, is it wicked? We're loving it, loving it, loving it. We're loving it, lies it. Yeah. Legally, are you all right with that? We'll find out. Are you hoping there's going to be something that comes through the post that says liturgy?

28:03Well, all of my shows have titles like that. So I've done, the last show was called More, More, More, How Do You Lice It, How Do You Lice It? More, more, more, how do you lice it, how do you lice it? Please don't leave me hanging like that. Wow, that was really nice. I was enjoying you singing it.

28:17Joe Marler:We sing together all the time. And we sing together as well. but that's that's the way Joe Lysett if Joe Lysett then you should have put a ring on it they're great yeah you know what can we expect from this new tour then stand up comedy or fully stood up the whole time probably yeah anything else I might sit down sometimes I sit on the edge of the stage I like doing that I previous the last show definitely was like a story show I sort of told a big story with jokes and I want to return to, and there was a screen and all that. I'd like to return to just doing standup. And because I loved, what I fell in love with standup is I'd go to comedy clubs and I'd go to late shows after working in the theater.

29:07And I, it was before the show, just a mic in a stand and just looking at that and going, that's all it is. There's no set. There's no nothing. Just somebody is going to come out and entertain me with that. and I just thought that was so beautiful and simple and pure. And for whatever reason, I've got into like, here's a screen and here's some props and whatever. And actually, I would like to just remind myself that I can do just pure stand-up and I can... Refine it back to the old school, back to the roots. Because that is the job, really. But I'm not promising that because if I can't do it, then I'll whack a screen in and just do a few screen-based jokes.

29:46Just silly pictures and stuff.

29:51Joe Marler:We are just taking a quick break to deliver an important message from our friends at the Refund Club. Joe, I've got a theory that you can get a lot done in a minute. Oh. A lot done. Did you... Agree or disagree? Did you come up with that? Agree or disagree? Yeah, no, I agree. Agree, agree. I agree. I'm glad you agree. I don't want to talk about it. Okay, well, let me... I want to put it to the test then. I want to put it to the test. How many pints of water do you think you could down in a minute? Don't like water. What do you prefer? I prefer milk because water would hydrate me and I prefer to be chronically dehydrated.

30:27Joe Marler:You tolerate lactose, big time? Yeah. Big time. Yeah, big time and I'm proud of it. Okay, fine. That's also not knocking anyone who can't tolerate it. No, no, not knocking anyone. Altering the question then, how many pints of milk could you get down you in a minute? Loads. Put a number on it. Between one and five. Four?

30:50Joe Marler:Yes. Four pints of milk in one minute. Bring out the milk, everybody! And just like that, the milk has appeared magically on your desk. My goodness me. You're going to drink those four pints of milk. Meanwhile, I'm going to talk about our wonderful friends at the Refund Club. Are you ready? No. Your 60 seconds starts now. And something else that takes only 60 seconds is a check to see if you could receive hundreds of pounds from the Refund Club. You see, the Financial Conduct Authority as he found that millions of people were missold car finance between 2007 and 2021, and billions of pounds are expected to be paid back.

31:26Joe Marler:Could it be you, though? 60 seconds is all it takes to fill out a form, no paperwork, no commitment, and you only pay a fee if the claim is successful. He's on his third pint of milk. You could even do one for a friend in case they were busy with more important things. The average claim, by the way, is£829. If you took out car finance in the UK between 2007 and 2021, you could be in luck. Joe, how are you getting on? He's on his final pint of milk, everybody. This is incredible. I feel like you're going to need a wee quite quickly. I'm worried about your bladder. You used to play for England. Look at this man's career.

32:00Joe Marler:He's just finished the final pint of milk in one minute. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Joe, bring it home.

32:11Go to refundclub.co.uk forward slash Marla. That's refundclub.co.uk forward slash Marla to do your free check.

32:21Joe Marler:For the audio listener, that was four pints of actual milk. I feel a bit sticky.

32:29I think it's important we address the elephant in the room. I've been really looking forward to this. Because you did a show that I did of before. Yeah, that you did of before. And I did of before it. Yeah. And I just wanted to know.

32:45Joe Marler:The Wheel. You're both on The Wheel. Have you done The Wheel? No, I've not been on The Wheel. I've been on The Wheel. Poor reference. Is that Michael McIntyre's The Wheel? To give it its full title. Michael McIntyre's The Wheel. He doesn't like it when you missed that off, actually. Yeah, yeah. The Wheel. Have you been on Tipping Point? This is interesting. What is the Venn diagram and stuff you guys have both done? Have you both done Weakest Link, surely? I've not been on Weakest Link. Joe, have you been on the telly? What have you... He does his own shows, mate. He doesn't do any co-pros or appearances, does he?

33:16He does his own thing. Pointless, pointless.

33:17Joe Marler:Surely you've both been on Pointless. No, we don't do telly, do we? Huh? I haven't done a lot of game shows. Gogglebox, Gogglebox. Gogglebox. Gogglebox. Not been on Gogglebox. I've been a clip on Gogglebox, but I've not... Can we just please... You've been on the TV. There must be some of these two have been on the same time. They've been watching me on Gogglebox. So the only thing me and you have done is traitors. Traitors. Yes, we got that shot. I forgot you did traitors. Yeah. You were sort of quite, you sort of didn't really make an impact really on that show, did you? It's not like you got a podcast off the back of it.

33:50How was it? What can you say?

33:52Joe Marler:You're allowed to say stuff. Well, you know what it's like. You sign NDAs all over the place, so I can't. What I could do, tell you what I'll do. they sent me an email the Planck PR they're called who do the PR was it Planck PR who did did it no idea mate I don't know what you're talking about in an ideal world nothing would be said at all

34:18but of course this may not be realistic given how much attention there will inevitably be and there's an arrogance to that isn't there if avoiding the question is not possible Is it possible to avoid the question? The question is, how did you find the traitors? The best response would be brief and simple. We've put together some suggestions of what could be said below to help as a guide. Okay, well, let's roleplay all of them. Oh, Joe, I've been meaning to ask you, how was the traitors? Well, as you can imagine, I can't say anything, but I am excited. Right, that was just one suggestion, was it?

34:56Joe, talk to us. How was the traitors? I loved the first series so it's the dream to be in that castle what? this is what they've sent me that I can say thrilled to be involved well I've got to ask a question sorry yeah Joe I honestly I know what it's like so I won't ask let's move on thrilled to be involved can't tell you anything more at this stage Joe come on please don't discuss the following Reference the rest of the line-up or other players. What do you mean reference? Say whether you'd prefer to be a traitor or faithful. We know the line-up. Describe how you would play the game, mention timelines of filming or locations, etc.

35:39Were you allowed to wear watches? As you can imagine, I can't say anything, but I'm excited. It's giving lobotomy. Who won? As you can imagine. Thrilled to be involved. Can't tell you anything more at this stage. Did you do well at the challenges? I loved the first series.

36:06I'm interested to know how you're one of the most well-known entertainers in the country. Prolific. And yet, I know very little about your private life. What do you want to know? Is that important to you? Like your private anonymity? Yeah. Well, it is called... Anonymity?

36:29Joe Marler:We're shielding the traitors this year as well. Anonymity. I can't say the word. Anonymity. Pardon? Anonymity. Anonymity. I have forgone... I've given up my anonymity by the very nature that I am in the public eye and I come on podcasts and I go on television and, you know, I'm a public figure, I understand that, that the people around me haven't made that decision. And so I see it as a responsibility to protect them as much as I can from my public life, essentially. and my partner my son my partner doesn't want to be in the public eye and my son hasn't had a choice in that so i just feel like until he's old enough to make that decision then you know we can we can go full bradley walsh and do a game show together if he wants and my partner i don't see a world where she's going to want to be in the public eye because um she just doesn't want to be sounds slightly different and similar to my wife, Daisy, who she says she doesn't want to be known as my wife.

37:45Yeah. I think that's sort of how my partner, she sort of keeps a suspicious level of distance from me. We don't live together or communicate at all. I've never met her. It's very odd. Very odd. Is the Joe... I don't know how we had a son. Is the Joe we get and everyone else get the same as the Joe they get at home? Are you as chaotic at home? Are you as naughty at home? I can be very silly and naughty at home, particularly with my son, because I love silly. But I'm not like in full stand-up mode because that would be unsustainable and annoying. It'd be really annoying to have stand-up Joe around.

38:30So yes and no. You touched on earlier about your legacy that you want to leave. And you've spoken about yourself indirectly. Yeah. How has becoming a father changed your approach to work? Is there like jokes or stories you do now that you do differently from the ones you used to tell based on, oh, I'm a father now. I'm a father, I need to be a little bit more. I think it might have cured my CCCDD. CCCDD. CCCDD. CCCDD. Because I am way more risk averse now. Not as much as I was when he was first born, but I now do think twice about doing stuff and go, well, how will this affect him short term, long term?

39:16And what level of risk does it put me under in terms of like being able to sustain a family going forward and all that? So I do think it has probably changed my priorities in terms of like, it's narrowed my focus into like protecting the family and less about being like a kind of social activist which I can still do in other ways but not in like maybe it's quite as noisy a way so I don't think I'll do as many sort of stunty things as I used to or if I do there'll be more I kind of I really like there's a therapist that I saw who is a proper therapist not whatever you're doing and she said that rather than be against something before something and I really like that you know rather than be like that company's terrible and take them down just sort of ignore that and go what are they doing that you can counter and do a nice thing that they're not doing so that's sort of how i'm approaching life going forward is like before something and you know rather than attacking something else obviously i'm going to attack things interesting that you brought that up actually joe because that was going to be my next point i was going to put to you oh yes i was going to say joe i think it's important for your own health and your family's how then moving forward that you should be more for something yes then against something oh you're gonna say that were you that's it was literally written on my notes wow look it was before look see there before rather against rather again it says yeah rather again rather before rather than again everyone's got their own way of writing right yeah

40:47right well i've got you here to help you conquer your fear of the mundane remember that oh yes to help you with this, Jake, he has prepared one final exercise for Mr.

41:00Joe Marler:Joe Lycett. I want the two of you to go head to head now. We're going to find beauty in the boredom. Oh. Majesty in the mundane. We're having a bore-off. It's a bore-off, everybody. It's a bore-off, everybody. It's a bore-off, everybody. Round by round, I want you to present the almost boring offering to the category. Yep. And then we're going to decide who is most comfortable with accessing the most boring part of their life. First up, please display for us, sorry audio listener, the most boring photo on your camera roll. I don't think you've got any boring things in your camera roll. Oh, okay, I've got my most boring, yeah.

41:38I mean, there's a few different things here and there. There's like a picture of a plug from a drain that didn't fit that I was going to get. That sounds quite beautiful. Yeah, yeah. I've got a picture. Oh, this is boring. okay this is a picture that of me in in italy uh in an airbnb and on the wall there's a like a fern and it says you are going to be great keep going yeah that's boring isn't that is that's a boring bit of art joe marler's gonna be tough to follow i've got um i've got this joe Okay. Say what you see, mate. There's something brown on a finger next to a light switch.

42:24Joe Marler:What's that? Right, I sent you that in. That is out of order. Right, this is completely out of order here. Is that your finger, Jake? I texted him. I said, look what I found. I had a little wiggle in my ear and that came out. That is a clump of dark wax. Why did you hold it up against a light Scale. I was so... Yeah, because the finger wasn't giving enough scale.

42:52Joe Marler:Winner has to go to Joe Lycett. One nil. Round two, most boring WhatsApp group you're in. Joe Lycett. The name isn't boring, but it is boring. I'm in a WhatsApp group called James Loves Cock. But funnily enough, there's two James in the group, so I don't actually know. were you one of the admins to set up the group or were you added I was added I was added okay so and basically they're arranging a holiday that I can't go on so like all of the chat at the minute is just about like the logistics of this holiday which is just incredibly boring yeah but the name the name is great and also the like the two Jameses just keeps it with sort of like it's like a whodunit now that you've got me on my groups I am in at least a hundred groups that I forgot I was in this one the Lensbury Head Start Camp 3 right what's that that sounds fucking dull that it's really dull it's just a logistics group for when I used to play rugby and that's a on reflection do you think the crescendo of the entire episode should be something where we try and be as boring as possible.

44:15Joe Marler:It's sort of only dawned on me now as a format point that that is what the big finale is. Let's do the most dull thing we can do. Yeah. I'm going to give it to James Loves Cock. Final one. Who is the most boring person in your phone? Oh. Fucking hell, this is a bit harsh, isn't it? How do you spell bardwash?

44:40That's unkind. That is unkind. That is unkind. I don't know who's, um, I don't really have boring people in my fan. I'm going to ring them and see if they pick up. VW Garage, that's boring. Yes, lovely. That's very boring.

44:52Joe Marler:Lovely. You've got a VW, interesting.

44:58Oh, I see.

44:59Joe Marler:Hello? Hello.

45:03Joe Marler:Oh, mate. Right, okay, that's brilliant. So, I'm going to give the… I'm going to… I thought I was going to run. I haven't saved your number. I think that works, what happened there. Do you think it works? I think the audience at home might not, but I personally... I think... Let's see, let's see. I've lost it. Let's see what happens. Text in. I've just lost it. Text in. You could text Jake, his number is... Where is it now? BardBH, is it? I think what we watched... O double seven... Six... Six... And... Just bleep it. Do let Jake know. Congratulations, Joe. You are in touch with your mundane side.

45:47Joe Marler:Round of applause for Joe, everybody. Thank you. Thanks, everyone. Always get out of these things with a big round of applause. What an extraordinary experience.

45:59Joe, that is the end of our session today. I suspect you're happier than I am about that being the case. Do you know what? I came into this thinking, you know, it's a bit of press. I'll just sit and bear it. And that's been about right. Spot on. We've made you a badge to remind you of the progress that you've made in today's session. That's nice. Jake, what have we gone with today?

46:27Joe Marler:Every guest gets a badge. Every guest doesn't always get one so beautifully made, though. It says, always look on the beige side of life. Lovely. That's for you. It makes no sense. No, I think like, it feels sort of counterculture in a way that you could catch on. Ah, before you leave, you also get a lollipop. Have you asked Claudia to be on this show? Which one? Winkleman. Not sure she's going to speak to me ever again after what I did to her. What did you do to her? I picked one of my nose hairs and sneezed in her face without covering my hand. Hmm. Luckily that fringe will capture a lot of that.

47:08Joe Lycey, everybody!

47:11Joe Marler:Joe Lycey, everybody!

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