In short
Joe Marler (England rugby) is repeatedly “roasted” for 30 minutes, then put through escalating “naughty” and “inner peace” exercises, including a prank call and an insult-timer challenge.
Guests
Joe Marler is the main guest; Jake (host/producer) runs most games; Sue (client/participant in the final punching exercise) wears a helmet and punches Joe’s body with pads; additional named figures appear only as references (e.g., Stephen Fry, Alan Carr, Claudia Winkleman, Celia, Joe Wilkinson, Nick “nasty Nick”).
Key claims
Joe doesn’t read comments but knows insults; he’s 37; he uses “adrenaline” or “warmth” to reframe pain; he’s “people-pleaser” and is converted into a “nasty” persona via insults.
Notable examples
“Fatty Daddy,” “Margaret Thatcher… eye bags,” “ears like blancmange,” “nose in a car crash,” “Cat Burns” burning exercise, plucking nostril hair with tweezers, texting OnlyFans-style messages to a WhatsApp group, 60-second insult sprint (8 insults), prank gym bookings (“Mike Crotch,” “Huge anus”), and helmeted “punching bag” session targeting “patriarchy,” “relationships,” “past trauma,” and “owls.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOIntroduction to Joe's Experiences
0:58 to 1:30
Joe reflects on the worst things people have said to him, including comments from his kids.
“Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail.”
Roasting Moments Compilation
1:30 to 3:12
Discussion about the roasting moments on the show and the humor around them.
“Joe, what's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you, ever?”
Age Jokes and Misconceptions
3:12 to 6:22
The hosts joke about their ages, revealing misconceptions and humorous exchanges.
“Oh I mean the producers have compiled it sounds a lot like you've driven this.”
Embracing Pain Techniques
6:22 to 8:09
Joe shares techniques for embracing pain and the mindset behind them.
“But it did strike a course, clearly, because you know that clip on Instagram was on like 14, 15 million views.”
Bike Adventures and Family
8:09 to 14:02
Discussion about Joe's new bike and family adventures, along with humorous anecdotes.
“Your training techniques, some of them surely involve resilience and, you know, you're put under duress both mentally but physically at times as well.”
Planning a Naughty Scheme
14:02 to 16:40
Joe and Jake brainstorm ways to bring some naughtiness into their lives.
“We're going to need a little bit of extra help with this guy.”
Identity Theft and Group Dynamics
16:40 to 19:52
The conversation shifts to identity theft and interactions in a WhatsApp group.
“So, Joe, just to recap, who's on that group?”
Podcast Tour Announcement
21:14 to 23:12
Joe announces the podcast's upcoming tour and the excitement around it.
“This is a public service announcement that we are taking the podcast on tour.”
The Insult Challenge
23:12 to 27:30
Joe and Jake engage in a light-hearted insult contest to test their creativity.
“And you've got to throw out as many insults as you can.”
Texting Significant Others
27:30 to 28:01
The hosts text their partners with a playful message and discuss reactions.
“You warned me with a winky face and a...”
Show all 15 chapters
Starting Off the Banter
28:01 to 28:26
The hosts engage in lighthearted banter about being tired and personal anecdotes.
Planning a Prank Call
28:27 to 29:48
The hosts discuss and prepare for a prank call, focusing on silliness and overcoming shame.
“And then she's typed it, what the hell is this?”
Executing the Prank Call
29:49 to 32:29
The hosts execute the prank call, leading to humorous and playful exchanges with the gym staff.
“And with this gym, I want you to add new members to the gym.”
Reflecting on the Prank
32:30 to 33:27
The hosts reflect on the prank call experience, discussing the importance of humor and sensitivity.
“See, do you know what's important, though, at the end of a prank call?”
Engaging in a Unique Exercise
33:28 to 37:57
The hosts introduce a physical exercise involving Joe, integrating humor and lightheartedness.
“I mean, this is Joe Marlowe'll see you now.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees may apply. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency.
0:52When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more. Sierra has all the best active and outdoor brands for the super athletic stuff, like running gear for cruising up the trail. Woo! And the super athletic-ish stuff, like fishing gear for chilling by the creek. Nice cast. Fitness apparel to push for higher reps. You got this! And golf balls priced so you can afford to lose one. Or a few. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.
1:30Joe Marler:Joe, what's the worst thing anyone's ever said to you, ever? Oi, Chubsy Wubsy. Really? Stop eating all the pizzas, you fat fuck. Wow. And that was on your wedding day? That was Pixie. Oh. Do your kids say mean stuff to you?
1:52Yeah, they call Fatty Daddy. Fatty Dad. Which is cute. It's cute, yeah. Doesn't affect me at all. What's wrong with your ears? Why are your ears like that? How come your nose is so wonky? Wow, they really roast you, don't they? Why? Why are you asking? Why? Well, I'm just interested. You've been reading the comments? Oh, mate, I don't read the comments. I get horrible... People say horrible things about me too. So you do read the comments? Oh, yeah. I would have had to read the comments to know. Why are you asking? I once had someone say to me, Margaret Thatcher got four hours of sleep a night
2:29Joe Marler:by the look of your eye bags you're probably getting fucking none mate. Jay Marler, 86.
2:38That wasn't me. It's interesting though, isn't it? I was born in 1990. There's your proof. There's your proof. Why would I put the wrong birth year on? It's not me, mate. Yeah, it's true. You have a sharp mind. They have got a valid point though. We've had some of the sharpest minds enter this office and sometimes there's been a bit of sort of verbal sparring between you and them i.e. you getting roasted. We've got a little treat
3:05Joe Marler:for the fans where we've compiled some of the best roasting moments that have happened on the show and yeah I think you're going to enjoy it. Sit back, relax, take it in. We've compiled it. Oh I mean the producers have compiled it sounds a lot like you've driven this. I've had a huge say in it to be honest with you. Cool.
3:26Well, you're this guy that, you know, shows his emotions. You've been very open and honest. You know, you wear your heart on your sleeve. In fact, have you got a heart on your sleeve? I've got a heart on my finger. Not quite your sleeve, is it? No. That's why I said it's on my finger. Yeah, but do you think you should get it on your sleeve? There's no room for it, really, I don't think. But also, I don't think I am a heart-on-the-sleeve guy. I'm 37 and I'm still single. You're 37? Yeah. Fuck off. You think I was older? Yeah. No, no, no. I've done it again. I've done it again. No, no, no, no, no, no.
4:01Me, me, me, I'm sorry. It's a long way back from that. How old did you think he was? No, no, no, this, no. No. To answer the question, how old did you think he was? Yeah. What I'm saying is, I used to watch you growing up, when I was growing up. How fucking old are you? 35. What? No, you're not. You're not 35. How old do you think I was? Way older, isn't it? It's way older.
4:33Joe Marler:I think you both thought each other were the same age. The number you've got in your head now for the other one, isn't it? Fucking hell. Okay, on three, I want you to... We both say the age that we thought each other were. Okay, ready? One, two, three... 47.
4:52Oh my God. That's mental, isn't it? That is mental shit. Wow. That low? Fuck. Joe, can I ask you a question? Definitely. Are you 35? Interesting. I just, I have to know. Okay, so I do the questions. Yeah, I know, but I just, we've all seen it. And I just... I could not believe it. Let's get it out of the way then. What the fuck is your beef with me? I've had your mate on here, and I was shocked at his age. Yeah, shocked. But I'm shocked every day as well. There you go. Mainly because, like I said, I grew up watching him. I thought, oh my God, he's been around for ages. He's definitely way older than me.
5:43Look how successful he is, et cetera, all that. He's definitely older, that's how I think. Then when it turned out he was only 37, I was like, that is wild. Yeah. He's lived a life. He's, mate, he's, every line tells a story. Mm. But interestingly, I did see your riposte to it on your Staying Relevant podcast. What were your comments on there? I was like, I was like, no, no, no, sorry, I'll carry on. As if coming from him, he's, and he says he's 35, he's the old one. As if he's sitting around and said something like that. Joe, I couldn't believe it. only because you've achieved so much. Sure. No way.
6:22Mate, you've achieved so much. You fucking thief. I've literally just said...
6:26Joe Marler:But it did strike a course, clearly, because you know that clip on Instagram was on like 14, 15 million views. My mum sent it to me. Yeah. Okay. But she fancies Pete, so she watches everything he does. What I like now in a weird way is that we're reacting to the moment that they reacted to you reacting to Pete's reaction of your age. It was epic. I feel like we could just sort of keep making this content for about three years.
6:57We're here to fix you being a people pleaser. So I've got one final exercise for you to do. Hit me. This is called Cat Burns. Cool. Cat Burns. All right. So that's your name, but you burn. Mr. Milo? I understand. Okay.
7:19I would like you to look me in the eyes and burn me in the name of science. Okay. Anything you want, this is a safe space. Burn me as hard as you can.
7:34You're stinky.
7:39Kat, remember the exercise is about not being a people pleaser. All right, all right.
7:47Your ears are funny.
7:53Joe Marler:I mean, that's definitely progress. Did you say ear or ears? Plural. Even this one. Sometimes it makes me want to sing cauliflower's fluffy.
8:10Strawberry's sweeter than any seed. That's the meanest I can go. You're getting there. Yeah. Do Jake. I can take it. Your suit doesn't fit you properly. It doesn't, does it?
8:31Foxy. Your training techniques, some of them surely involve resilience and, you know, you're put under duress both mentally but physically at times as well. I want you to impart that knowledge. on me. Okay. I think there's two things that you can do that I do. So the first is, if I know I'm going to be doing something that's painful, I will build adrenaline inside myself by thinking of stuff that gets me either angry or fearful because then adrenaline's pumping through your system. Not horny? Not horny. Well, I don't know, maybe. I mean, if that gets the adrenaline go and then think of horny shit.
9:15But ultimately, adrenaline gets you past the pain because it's already coursing through your system. And normally, when you've got your adrenaline fucking coursing, pain's not really noticed as much. That's one way, but it's more difficult. The other way is to think about pain as being warm. The thing that comes with pain is warmth. and so I embrace the warmth. I think of the pain and I think of it as something that's nice. So I'm sort of rewiring my brain to be more receptive of pain because it's a warm feeling. You welcome it. I welcome it, yeah. When you think of pain, like painful things have happened to you, what do you think of?
10:02Breaking things, limbs. Yeah. like ligament thingies injuries when I think of pain I think of these a set of tweezers to be fair anything to do with tweezers is quite it's an unnerving thing as a exercise I'm rewiring my brain to embrace pain yeah warm fuzzy pain all right and I'd like you to try and pluck some nostril hair out of me. Have you got any? Yeah, loads. So, Joe, which of the two techniques are you going to deploy here? Are you going to try and think of something angry, fearful or horny? I'd rather him not think of anything like that. I'd rather him go with a second option, which is to embrace the warmth of the plucked hair.
10:55Are you going to go with the warmth? Because either way, like, angry I don't want, horny I definitely don't want because I'm sat in front of him. Sure. So I'm going with warmth. Going with warmth. Yeah, I think there's going to be some... And Jason Fox of the Special Forces will be using a tweezer to pluck Joe Marler of England Rugby's nose hair. Have I got something? Yeah. Fuck off, twats! Look at the size of that. Not... That's fucking four. I haven't... The exercise says one at a time. I was given a set of tweezers. Fucking hell, dickheads! But no fucking magnifying glass. My eyesight's not that good.
11:42It didn't work. Does it feel warm? I felt more pain than ever. No, you didn't. There was no warm than that, was there?
11:49Joe Marler:Absolutely well done to both of you, I think. To both of you.
11:59What's new in your world, Jake? What's new in your world? I asked you first. I have nothing new in my world. I got nothing, nothing, nothing. But I think I know there's something new in your world. Yeah, yeah, there is. What have you got? I've got a bike. Wow, he's active. And I'm wearing trainers because I'm walking a lot as well these days. What's all this then? Why have you got a bike? Why are you walking? Just trying to lose a bit of weight, get a bit healthy. lose that saturated fat? I was going to say I'd quite like to see you on a bike. Why? It would bring me great pleasure. Why? You don't think I can ride a bike, do you?
12:40I just think seeing you on a bike would just give me such a great sort of faith in the power of physics and engineering. What? Because you're massive.
12:53Joe Marler:Because you are... Because you're a... Like, muscly massive. I'm not calling you, like... That? I'm saying you're a... It doesn't matter how you word it, mate. You're a ma... Sorry, this can't be the first time you're realising that you're fucking massive. The bitch that you're emphasising that I'm not upset about. I'm upset about, oh, the wonder of physics. Yeah, it would be a triumph of engineering. It would be. To see you on Earth. There you go again. To see you try and hide it. I'm not hiding it. You do. Oh, the triumph of engineering. That's such an offensive thing to say. Is it? I don't know.
13:29So where are you riding your bike? I've only been out on it once. How'd it go? What do you mean, how'd it go? Did you fall off? No, it didn't fall off. I had my daughter on the back. It's one of those that I carry one. That's so sweet. She was screaming the entire time, telling me to go slower. How fast were you going? I had to walk it in the end. I had to get off and walk. So excited about your new bike. And then you're just walking it like, just slurder for you. I was so excited. And we could all, we have all got a bike now. Let's go out for a bike. ride as a family. Obviously, I've got the e-bike.
14:01Just help me up those things. It's an e-bike? Get this quiet.
14:06Joe Marler:Talk about wandering engineering. We're going to need a little bit of extra help with this guy. Yeah, but I am carrying two. What do you mean? She's not a small bit of kit, my four-year-old. Yeah, I don't think the four-year-old's the bit that's making a difference. You'd be surprised, man. I don't think she's tipping in the balance, is Jake? See what he's carrying this unit up that hill? Why do I tell you stuff?
14:35My job today is to make you a little bit naughty. And I actually want to bring you back into criminality a little bit. Jake, have you got any ideas? It would be nice to sort of ease back into committing a crime. I don't think too crazy. Well, not violent crime. Is it for my gain, not like, say, break a window of a nasty fossil fuel company. No, no, no. It's for you. It's got to be for me, isn't it? Yeah, a little bit of naughtiness to give you that little spike.
15:06Joe Marler:I think something that uses your wit and intelligence. Identity fraud feels quite a doable thing. Whose identity can he take? I mean, it's got to be yours, isn't it? You're taking a piss? It's got to be your identity. Get your phone out. Pardon? Get your phone out and let's see if maybe... I think you're misunderstanding the working relationship here. Well, we're here now and we're going for it. Are you on Instagram or any of those things? Fuck off! I know you're on WhatsApp. We share that. Okay, yes, we do. Yes, we do. Joe actually just hit one million followers on Instagram. Thank you very much.
15:42Yeah, really appreciate it. Bless. What am I doing with my phone? Well, I wonder.
15:47Joe Marler:I wonder. You can take it. Yeah, you're both on that traitors WhatsApp group, aren't you? Fuck off. What if Stephen tries to pretend to be you and sees if he can get away with it? That could be quite fun. No. Yes, come on, give it to me. Sorry, that wasn't on my bingo card. Yes, give it to me. Okay, fine. Hang on, the speed. You haven't even given me a heads up what's going on here. Well, no, if you know. I can't tell you how nervous I am. Oh, it's something you probably want to do anyway, so it's not really a bad thing. On that group, I'm not sure. I'm not a leader on that, mate. I am not one of the big dogs.
16:25Is it quite an active group, that group? This is what you are now... When I press the green... My dears, I'm considering an OnlyFans site. I haven't told you this, but I love to flash my junk. Is this a stupid idea? Send. So, Joe, just to recap, who's on that group? There's Alan Carr and Claudia Winkleman and Celia and everyone. All the traitors. I'm not sure how this is identity theft. I'm stunned as you. What the fuck am I going to do from the back of that, babe? Usually it's just... You ask me to be naughty. Yes, I know. I know this is meant to... Oh, it's far better than anything we're going to plan.
17:10My usual is just chiming in every so often when people are wishing people the best in their latest project or something. Or doing a little gif or a little reaction.
17:18Joe Marler:Well, this is your latest project, Joe. You're lovely OnlyFans.
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17:24No, Celia's on there. I think she'll approve. She'll say, go for it, Joe. It is actually a really supportive group on there. It is. I'm not entirely sure that is what I was looking for in that, but do you feel a bit naughty off the back of that? I do. I think we all felt the thrill. That was exhilarating stuff. That was the least naughty idea I had in my head.
17:51shall we check out if we've had anything right okay do you offer a free magnifying glass to your subscribers who's that Joe Wilkinson no who was that no it was the bad big dog oh Jonathan of course of course it was what I cannot get for fuck's sake Jake, there's more and more people reading it. Oh, Mark's just read it. Mark's typing. Oh, fuck. Charlotte's typing. Whoa! Oh, you're a twat. You have made... I am what you have made me. No, no, I had very little respect on that group in the fucking first place. Oh, no, no. I was clinging on for dear life. And then now... What have you done, Jake? This is horse shit.
18:42You can't de-naughty me. No, God, how's that turned around? That was your naughty streak. You're far more in charge of yourself and your self-image than being concerned about that. Even if I turn around and tell the truth, I don't think a lot of them believe in it. I actually think a lot of that group are going to go... I'm in the group and I can always deny it.
19:04Joe Marler:I mean, he's gone, but surely the replies have kept coming in. Okay, great. And now you want to... Bear in mind, this was your idea. Yeah, go on. Even though the client, Sir Stephen Fry, was meant to get in touch with his naughty side, I didn't think he'd go, yeah, let's sabotage my boss. Who's replied? Who's replied? So JR's come in. Right, brilliant. Right, Joe Wilkinson's then chimed in. I genuinely think you'd make a few quid. Hmm, interesting. Stephen's quite quick on the group. Stephen's just left the door. Stephen's left and done a meeting on the group. I see. Interesting. Before I've been able to explain the situation of what's gone on, he's gone, superb idea.
19:42I'd subscribe and pay top dollar.
19:47Stephen's gone, I can picture it in surprising detail. Joe Wilkinson, ditto to that.
19:56He's completely shafted me. I'm going to have to formulate some sort of plan to get out of this because Stephen, I can just sense the imp in him, which we made him rediscover, is going to really run with this.
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21:11This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This is a public service announcement that we are taking the podcast on tour.
21:20Joe Marler:That's right. All over the country, you can come and see me, Joe, and that skeleton with a beard on it doing our thing. What about Janet? Well, she will maybe be there. I'm just worried that sometimes she sort of oversteps the mark a little bit. We've got a lot of people watching. That's the thing. We are going to have some very special guests. That's guaranteed. We're going to definitely get your magnificent thighs on the show. People can see that in real life. All of them? What do you mean all of them? You've got three, actually. I heard the rumours.
21:47I don't call my dick a thigh. There will be chaos. Who do you know that goes, hey, check out my thigh? As a reference for their dick. No one goes, oh, check out my third thigh. I thought when people talked about the thigh gap, it was a lack of dick. What?
22:02Joe Marler:There'll be chaos. Is that why they go check out my third thigh? I have to read the autocue. I have to read the autocue. I'm so contracted to. There'll be chaos. There'll be audience participation and there's guaranteed to be some things we probably shouldn't say in front of a live audience. That will be one of them, actually, probably. How do people get tickets? Are they available now? Tickets are available right now. Haven't got a watch on. If you don't come, we will notice. I can't stress enough. These are massive venues. If you don't come, it will be a sea of empty seats. You have to buy a ticket.
22:33Joe Marler:We really will notice. And it will bring shame on the podcast, which I don't think you want, because if you're watching this, you'd probably like it a bit. so get your tickets from the link in the description now
22:50Joel you are Mr Nice Guy thanks bud you are the opposite to Nick Nick nasty Nick nasty okay but do you have any nastiness within you that's what we need to finally discover in today's final exercise. It's the final countdown. Which actually works, I think. It really is. It really does work, yeah. I'm going to give you one minute. One whole minute. Not a minute less, not a minute more. Okay. Not a second less or a second more. Okay. And you've got to throw out as many insults as you can. Oh, Christ. At moi, which is French for me. 60 seconds is a long time. And lighting changed. Whoa. For the audio listener, the lighting changed.
23:49Jake, how many insults do you think Joel can get out in 60 seconds?
23:53Joe Marler:Oh, it's so tricky because he's a very nice guy, but he's also a pro. So I think he might average maybe one every five seconds, let's say. So it's eight. Yeah, I think he... I don't know. No, 10, 20, 20, 20, 20. Jake, you're on the clock. Yeah. This is genuinely difficult. I'm not, this is, okay, here we go. Time starts now. You look like a hairy thumb. Your ears look like fucking blancmange. Your nose is, your nose is bent as. are fucking bent. Look, your nose is... Your nose looks like it's been... It's been in a car crash. Your nose looks like the start of an episode of 999. You're the only person I've ever met where your neck is wider than your head.
24:50How does that even work? If you were a fridge... People call you fridge, but if you were a fridge, I wouldn't go in you at night. And that's time off, everybody! That 60 seconds went quick, man. I just felt like I was finding my stride.
25:08Joe Marler:Eight strong insults there. Very, very impressive. Joel Domet, everybody.
25:15Joe Marler:100 % of the insults were based from the neck up. They were. It's exactly what I was looking at. And I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry that I said your neck is thicker than your head. That's brilliant. You are like a... and your body is like an isosceles triangle. Just all goes upwards. The minute is over, the lighting has changed. The exercise has worked. We've converted him into a nasty man. We've got a little experiment. You're both family men. You've both got four kids. You both manage your childhood sweethearts. We wanted to try something where you both text your other halves the same message.
25:58Joe Marler:See what you come back with. You up for it? What's the message? What's the message? I think tonight's the night. Why don't you put the kids to bed early so I can show you just how much I love you. What I'm quite excited about with this though is that... We can't put our kids to bed though. You can't put your kids to bed! 27, 25...
26:18I'll say when everyone's asleep. When everyone's asleep. Lovely. I'm getting really sweaty. So how are you feeling about this? No. Oh, I just don't know. It's almost like I'm saying put the kids to bed early as if like Well then why don't you spruce it up She always puts the kids down I'm here with you all the time
26:37Joe Marler:I'll show you just how much I love you Winky face aubergine Oh that'd be nice I think tonight's the night Charlotte when everyone is asleep I can come up and show you Oh lovely yeah I'll show you what this weight loss has done to me Spruce it early and I can show you I can show you Just how much I love you Just and I'm going to do just in capitals Just. No, is that too much? Yeah, exactly. Is that a bit creepy? No, that's perfect. It's romantic. Just how much? And I'm going to put the eyes. Love you. You're doing the eyes? Yeah. What ones? You know, like looking for the side. You've got to do those to camera, John.
27:15Which ones? Them ones. I think tonight's the night. Why don't you put the kids to bed early and I can show you just how much I love you. Aubergine, tongue, water. Whoa! You know, he's gone for it.
27:31Joe Marler:Aubergine tongue and water. Online. She's online. She's online. Typing. Oh look, yours is typing, see mine. Oh fuck. Oh my gosh. It's a good experiment, mate. I fucking warned you this would happen. I know, I like it. You warned me with a winky face and a... Well, I'll leave that there. I'll wait till it comes through. Oh, here we go. Bit of suspense for the episode. Mine says I'm pretty tired, but thanks. Really? Is that genuine? not even like engaging it or not even like oh Alice yeah bloody hell thanks I'm pretty tired but thanks it's not filling her with much hope the fuck's cool what should I put back to that I can't leave it at that cool no worries yeah cool no worries fair enough fair enough hey do you know why she's tired though why because of last night because of last night you know what I mean it wasn't it wasn't clearly not getting any tonight hold up she left me a voice message oh What the hell is this?
28:29And then she's typed it, what the hell is this?
28:32Joe Marler:It's voice note and typing, what the hell is this? I'll just say, I'll just feel fruity. Yeah, good. I'll just feel fruity. Good. This is good. What the hell is this? It's not a no, though, is it? It's not a tied. She'll never say no. She knows what she's getting. She's not going to say no. Who don't want to shag a big fat bloke? You tell me. Janet certainly does.
28:59Look, I just feel free she's typing. I just feel free, eat an apple then.
29:10You say I don't have any shame. None. That's my assessment. Yeah. I think you've got too much shame. And therefore, in order to get rid of some of that shame, to live happily with an adequate amount of shame, I think you need to be sillier. Yeah. So, I think you need to be more silly. So I've organised for you to, you know, use your silly bone. So we are going to be doing a prank call. No. Yes. It is the most bog standard of pranks or ways to be silly. Good old-fashioned prank call. No. I've lined it up. You can line whatever you want up, mate. I've got a list of names. List all you want. You are going to be calling a gym.
29:55And with this gym, I want you to add new members to the gym. No. It's entry-level, Joe. I'll fucking entry-level you out that window if you force me to do this.
30:04Joe Marler:I'm so glad you said it added at that window. I'll entry-level you. Mister?
30:17Oh, go on then. Sometimes you've got to jump, haven't you? Sometimes you've got to jump. All right. It does make me feel uncomfortable. but let's do it. You ready? I think so. How do you want me to hold the phone? No, I'll hold the phone. Oh, you'll hold it. What voice do you want me to do? Your normal phone voice. 6572.
30:39Good afternoon, F9 Fitness. Hello there. How are you? I'm well, thanks. How are you? Yeah, good, thanks. I just need to... I need to book in some people to the gym classes that you've got available. Is that possible? Yes. Absolutely. Great. Thank you. First one. First one, have you got... Yeah. Do you want to get a pen or something? Yeah, yeah. I've got to list them up. Oh, okay. Thanks. I'd like to book in Mike... Mike... ...Roch. Say it together. Mike... You've got a show name, Bonnie. R-O-T-C-H. Mike Crotch. Okay. Mike Crotch, yeah. Huge anus.
31:29Okay. How do you spell the surname? Again, please. So the first three letters of January and the fourth letter of January and then S for scooter. Right, I'm going to butt in here. Hello, Emma. How are you doing? I'm very well, thanks. How are you? This is Joe. this is my cousin Emma. Hi Emma. This is Emma. This is Joe Marler. Hello Joe Marler. Oh hello Emma. Are you okay? Yes thanks. Okay. Just last two then. No, no. The cat's slightly out of the bag now Joe. Emma, I was trying to teach Joe about how to do a prank call and the last two Joe that you had there. Anita Bang. And finally. Yeah but I know that's a joke one.
32:15That's definitely a joke one. Bend over. Yeah because all of them have been totally normal up until now. Well, I think the first four are believable. Either way, I just want to say thank you very much. Joe's really appreciative. Thank you, Emma. Thanks, Hans. Cheers. We're up next, Emma. Stop. Thank you. Speak to you in a bit. Yeah, thank you. Bye. It's very hot. That was hard. It was hard. See, do you know what's important, though, at the end of a prank call? Yeah. To make sure that there's not a lot of punching down. Because poor Emma, she's doing a job there. Yeah. It was good that we had a nice uplifting moment at the end where, you know, You said, no, it's a bit of fun, a bit of fun.
32:50And also, you need to speak rugby fans, so to be speaking to Joe Marler is quite nice. So it's all about when it comes to pranks, you've got to be very conscious of the balance of power. Right? So yeah, you've said about this punching up and punching down. Yeah. But either way, you're punching. Yeah, but... It's mean. It doesn't matter what direction it is. Right. The difference is, if you want to go down that analogy, it's just punching. It's the difference between two siblings having a scrap and a brawl, and a little bit of fun, a bit of play fighting, and decking someone outside a nightclub.
33:20Two different types of punching. Better analogy. So you did your first prank call, mate? You did really well. You did really well, mate.
33:33What's that face? Well, it's the face. I mean, this is Joe Marlowe'll see you now. Yes, it is. This is Joe Marlowe'll see you now. It feels like it's Old MacDonald'll see you now.
33:43Joe Marler:I don't know. This is a new look, isn't it? I don't know what's going on. For the benefit of the audio listener, there is something quite visually new here today, isn't there? Joe is wearing a flat cap. What's the issue with my hat? No issue, it's just why? Well, the face from you suggests there's an issue with my hat. It was a face of why. Why not is my riposte. Okay, and my riposte to you, having just learned the word after you saying it first, is for the last however many episodes, you've never worn one, You've looked delectable. You've matched the wonderful skeleton in the corner. Skeleton.
34:23Joe Marler:We've laughed. The thing is, we've been through a big job. I've stayed looking like Asian Mr Bean for the whole fucking thing. Yeah, and you do so well. Thank you so much. We've done so many episodes. Why the change of outfit? I mean, it's not bad. I'm just interested. The short of it is, I want to wear a fucking hat. Because? I like hats. And you particularly like one today because? Because our guest is actually well known for their hair. Yeah. And I didn't want there to be some sort of hair off or intimidating of the hair. Are you having a bad hair day? Yeah.
35:06For the final exercise, I would like to give you the gift of my body. Finally. I was promised this was going to happen a lot earlier in the show, but I've held on to this moment and finally we're here. Okay. How would you like to gift it to me? I will allow you to use me as a human punching bag. I like this. And rule number one, safety. You put these on, I'll go get everything else sorted. Smashing.
35:45So I want to talk you through this last exercise, but I've actually put this helmet on quite tight. Yeah. I think I'm going to pass out. It makes your eyes look like buttons. Yeah, they're quite red as well, aren't they? Yeah, they are.
36:00Joe Marler:Jo, you take this one, please. Yeah. So we designed a little exercise just to really make sure you can get rid of all of that negative energy. Okay. So on Jo's person, we've got all of the things that might cause stress in someone's life, work, world events, past trauma, the patriarchy, relationships, and of course, owls. I want you to go hell for leather on his body. I mean, my left arm is screwed, but I will do my best. Just use your right arm to punish him. All right. I'm going to start with a bit of form and then we'll get into some... Joe can take it. Okay, that means I'm not... Can I? You can take it.
36:29Joe Marler:You can take it. We talked about this. Yeah. Mate. I can take it. It would be like a lamb farting on you. That's the degree. That was the alternative exercise. Yeah, I mean, bring in the lambs. Bring in the lambs. Okay. Okay, 30 seconds. So hit any areas that mean... We've already smashed the patriarchy. Any areas you like, your 30 seconds start now. Okay, she's going into relationships, going hard on past trauma. Now just going into his gut, really, which is not really actually led by anything. He seems to be laughing more than anything else. The gut's getting a hammering, relationships are getting a hammering, the patriarchy has taken one for the team as well.
37:06Joe Marler:Never shot him. Owl's actually staying quite clear out of any pain. I'm not touching the head. Why didn't you stick with the hands? It's mainly just his kidneys now. Liver. Fucking hell. The things I do. And that's the whistle. That is the whistle. Sue, I think you have absolutely successfully found inner peace using Joe's body. I re-enjoyed that, Joe. Joe, I think you enjoyed that. You were laughing through most of it. What I enjoyed about it, Jake, was... The tiny helmet. What I enjoyed most about that, Jake, was giving Sue, our client, our patient, the opportunity to really let her hair down and unwind and make the most of my body.
37:54I did. And that was the gift I gave you. I received it gratefully.
38:38We'll see you next time. and roasted bacon Brussels side. The season's most desirable menu has returned to Sweetgreen, featuring Fall's best dressed. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Should she say that about the kisses? Is that weird? She doesn't care. She presses send. This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin, written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe. Listen to the free audiobook now. For a limited time, you can get a Big Mac meal for just$8. That's a burger, fries, and a drink. They don't call it an extra-value meal for nothing. Get a Big Mac meal only at McDonald's.
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From the publisher
All professionals need a break now and again, and Dr Marler is no different. While he resets and prepares to dish out some more questionable advice, here's a compilation of the moments where he's firmly in the firing line.
From brutal roasts to elaborate setups (often with Jake's help), Joe rarely gets a moment's peace. Featuring Pete Wicks, Sam Thompson, Cat Burns, Jason Fox, Stephen Fry, Joel Dommett, Big Josh, Max Fosh and Sue Perkins all taking their shot.
GET TICKETS TO THE LIVE TOUR HERE:https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-marler-will-see-you-live-tickets-adp1647830
Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv)Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshowJoe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production.
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