In short
The episode is a comedic “self-improvement” challenge where Joe Marler pushes guests into uncomfortable, chaotic exercises to confront imperfection, shame, risk, responsibility, and fear.
Key claims
perfectionism is harmful; embracing imperfection “gives it charm”; shame can be “buzzered off”; not all risks are worth it; responsibility is what makes someone truly bothered; and trust can be rebuilt via extreme stunts. Notable examples include: blasting Tom with a leaf blower while he tries to ice Janet’s birthday cake (the cake blows/moves and becomes a mess, but Joe calls it charming); “shame off” confessions (mayo on chow mein, door-slamming, bodily mishaps); “Russell Roulette” with water vs fish sauce; and a crossbow trust test where Nick Mohamed wears blackout goggles while a bolt is fired near his head (he’s “proud” and trust is restored).
Guests
Tom Allen, Max Fosh, Eddie Hall, Prue Leith, Josh Whittacombe, Nick Muhammad, Russell (roulette participant), and Nick Mohamed (crossbow).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOJoe's Extreme Confessions
2:00 to 4:10
Joe shares a shocking childhood story and discusses pyromania.
“What's the most extreme thing you've ever done, Joe?”
The Concept of Imperfection
4:10 to 7:22
Discussion about embracing imperfection through fun exercises.
“say no more can we watch it in an extreme way?”
Making a Birthday Cake Under Pressure
7:22 to 9:10
Tom attempts to make a cake while facing the challenge of a leaf blower.
“Leaves aren't that much of a hazard unless they're on a slippy path.”
Shame Off Challenge
9:10 to 10:30
A humorous segment where participants share embarrassing stories.
“but the cake has started to move, which is something quite unexpected that we didn't expect to see here.”
Gossip Exchange
10:30 to 14:00
Participants share juicy gossip while adding humorous sound effects.
“To find out whether you really do have any shame whatsoever.”
Gossip Exchange Introduction
14:00 to 14:40
Learn how the hosts engage in a light-hearted gossip exchange.
“We're basically going to exchange hot gossip that we've heard over the years.”
Bizarre Sexual Rumors
14:40 to 15:40
Discover surprising and outrageous rumors about public figures.
“And she apparently had a sexual predilection.”
Risk Assessment Game
15:40 to 18:10
Explore high-pressure life situations through a risk assessment game.
“I heard a rumour that on his birthday, every year he gets his people to find the four closest looking...”
Personal Insights on Risks
18:10 to 19:18
Reflect on personal insights regarding risks and social interactions.
Meeting Weak Eddie
19:18 to 21:56
Witness the introduction of 'Weak Eddie' and the comedic interactions that follow.
“So, without further ado, let's meet him.”
Show all 18 chapters
Listener Advice Segment
21:56 to 24:30
Hear humorous advice given to listeners based on their awkward situations.
“Right, we're going to do a final exercise where we turn into agony aunt and agony uncle.”
Final Thoughts and Bonsai Gift
26:19 to 28:01
Conclude with reflections on personal responsibility and a humorous gift exchange.
“Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake.”
Gift of a Bonsai Tree
28:01 to 29:11
The hosts joke about giving a bonsai tree as a gift and discuss care for it.
“Because I'll be honest with you, I kind of zoned out.”
Breaking Up with the Past
29:12 to 30:56
A humorous conversation about breaking up with past self represented by '90s Josh'.
“I think someone's excited to commit to some care.”
Confronting Fears with Hypothetical Scenarios
30:57 to 33:39
The hosts create ridiculous scenarios to confront personal fears and reactions.
“I was willing to pay the full price to get the official shirt rather than the knock-off one without the umbro on it.”
Reviewing Greg's Bakes
33:40 to 42:01
A tasting session where the hosts review various baked goods from Greg's.
“Clavy, for some real closure, would you like to give 90s Josh a cuddle?”
Facing Death with Russell Roulette
42:01 to 46:00
Join the hosts as they play a unique game where participants face the chance of 'death' by choosing between bottles of water and fish sauce.
“trying something new trying something pru trying something pru new this is the moment isn't it pru-leaf pru-leaf pru-leaf pru-leaf thank you for coming on and trying something new, fucked it, didn't I?”
A Trust Test with a Crossbow
46:00 to 50:32
In a hilarious trust exercise, one guest faces the absurdity of being shot at with a crossbow in a comedic twist.
“Before we finish, I do have one final exercise to really test how much we've built on your trust.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00This is the way. Hi, I'm Jon Favreau. We are launching the all-new Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu official podcast. I'm sorry, I can't focus at the moment. We're going behind the scenes with the cast and crew sharing stories from the set, creative insights, and a few surprises from across the galaxy. I think he's earned a little snack. Watch and listen to Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu official podcast. Now streaming on Disney Plus or wherever you get your podcasts. And catch Star Wars The Mandalorian and Grogu now streaming on Disney Plus. Terms apply. For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters.
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1:11Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit Tremfiaradio.com. Every game day you show up for your team. Now it's your time. We go V! We go V! Ask your prescriber about WeGoV, semaglutide injection 2.4 milligrams, a GLP-1. Call 1-833-4-WEGOV or visit wegovy.com to view the medication guide and to learn more about Wegovy. Why wait? We. Go. V. What's the most extreme thing you've ever done, Joe?
2:04Set fire to my parents' bedroom. Wow. Yeah. That's why you like Adele. Set fire to my parents' bedroom. and watch it burn as my parents panicked. Is that real? Is that a would-I-Lie-To-You lie? No, that was a truth. Wow. Yeah, I used to be slash still am a little bit of a pyromaniac. Oh, my gosh. And I'm an untrained one at that. I don't think any of them go through training. Yeah, they do. They're always like, hey, boys, step back from the fireworks. We've got the pyromaniacs in charge. step back you're thinking of a pyrotechnic and I would say if you are a pyrotechnic or if you're hiring a pyrotechnic the last thing you want to do is hire a pyromaniac as your pyrotechnic a pyrotechnic is someone I think who is trained and restrained in the use of explosives and fire whereas a pyromaniac is someone who is who suffers actual mania from the idea of explosions and fire yeah I understand what you're saying now it's jogged my memory that I was wrong yeah but equally in equal parts a pyrotechnic has to have a pyromaniac soul burning in his body in order to want to be interested intrinsically with fire what's the most extreme thing you've ever done?
3:37done your business I don't want to answer that question on this podcast tell you what though we've done some pretty extreme things with some of our guests this whole thing with you being an actual pseudo-psychologist, some of the exercises we've done, we've taken it to the extreme. Let me jog your memory. Prue Leith, Josh Whittacombe, Eddie Hall. There's some extreme stuff going on there. Nick Muhammad, Max Fosh, Tom Allen. Yeah. I have been told that we have got an extreme compilation episode with the most extreme things we've done in an extremely enjoyable show. Jake. you ready? say no more can we watch it in an extreme way?
4:17how can we watch it? how about we both get nude and I'll watch it on your shoulders or you do that for the audio listener he's giving birth I'm extremely excited press play I can see you're extremely excited actually
4:37the excitement seems to be growing as well right okay enjoy
4:45Tom, we have covered a lot today in my mission to help you come to terms with imperfection. What are you doing there then? I can't bear how unpolished this is. Are you breathing on my name tag? Sorry, I've just had a coffee. We have had comments about that, Joe. We should... I don't know who's... What's wrong with my name tag? It's always... I don't know, is it my responsibility or Janet's? But one of us needs to get on it. Is it filthy? Absolutely. What are you doing with it now? No, just trying to get a shine on it. Okay, it's an imperfect name tag. I just want the best for you, okay? Is that a crime?
5:19Is that a crime? Now, I've tried in my mission to help you come to terms with imperfection, but I've got one final exercise for you, and the stakes are high. Stakes, S-T-A-K-E-S or S-T-E-A-K-S? What's the right one in this sentence? Well, I don't know. Have you got a slab of beef for me or not?
5:49You've been called worse, Joe.
5:55As you know, it is Janet's birthday today. Absolutely. I was talking to her about it just now. And we've got her a cake. Oh. Her name needs to be iced on this cake. Jake, have we got the cake and all the ingredients? Oh, Jake, thank you. It's a lovely cake, Jake. Yeah. So you've got the cake. Waitrose. Oh, dear, well, I'm a brand ambassador for Marks and Spencer's, so it won't be very nice. Marks and Sparks. Oh, good, it's going to be delicious. You've got everything you need to ice Janet's name on the cake. Lovely. But you will be needing these. Oh, no, you're not going to throw, like, maggots at me or something, are you, like they do on I'm a Celebrity?
6:39Throw maggots at you. But this is the sort of thing they put on, isn't it? And then they have, like, cockroaches crawling over their face. Tom, the reason why I want you to wear safety goggles is because I want you to embrace imperfection. So whilst attempting this task, I'm going to be blasting you with... a leaf blower. Oh, I cannot stand leaf blowers. It's also got a sucking option. What a day to be a leaf.
7:09I've combined your two loves, gardening and baking. Well, leaf blowers are the bane of my life. Okay. I'm with Alan Titchmarsh on leaf blowers. Well, this is what you call exposure therapy. It's the intermittent...
7:27Intermittent. It's unnecessary as well. Leaves aren't that much of a hazard unless they're on a slippy path. They mulch down. And the garden needs more mulch. I love mulch. Well, it just breaks down straight away and then it helps with the soil quality. It's recycling. People want to tidy up all the time. I tell you, they're the perfectionists, not me. I'm sick of it. That and pressure washers. Can't stand it. What? It's very masculine. Joe, I tell you, it's in the same realm as pizza ovens and barbecues. It's gardening for men who don't think they like gardening. two butch for flowers can blow a leaf to their heart's content, can't they?
8:10Can polish a pathway with a pressure washer. Unnecessary. Ruins the peace of everybody else's garden. I love leaf blowers, pressure washers, and I've got a barbecue. Because you are part of that, what I like to call toxic masculinity.
8:29Jake, Jake, we're missing something. Yeah. Tom has got an immaculate suit on. I thought you were going to put a gag on me. This could get messy, mate. I think, Tom, do you want to put an apron on? Oh, I'd like to put an apron on. This is a barber's cape. Haven't seen one of these for a while. Tom, when you're ready, take it away.
8:52So for the audio listener, Joe has employed the help of a leaf blower, while Tom, using protective equipment, is making the birthday cake for Janet. Studio conditions are now getting windier than we've ever seen. The leaf blower is on max capacity and Tom is trying so hard to fight against the imperfection, but the cake has started to move, which is something quite unexpected that we didn't expect to see here. I don't think Tom's going to be able to handle it and it's come down and we've not managed to do it. The cake is a mess. The thing is, the aperture at the end, I don't think, was probably snipped.
9:29So, Tom, shall we assess how you've done with Janet's birthday cake? I got the J. Where?
9:43And then I tried to loop back to the A, but that's when the blowing really began. Oh, you tried doing it joined up? Yeah. Do you think that's where you went wrong? Thinking back. That was the issue. We're all wise after the event, aren't we? Jake, what are you saying about this, mate? I really wholeheartedly believe that, Joe, your exercise has done wonders. I think that the imperfection of it gives it the charm that's really going to make Janet's birthday. Yeah, I think you've nailed it. Tom, congratulations. You've shaken off those shackles of perfection and embraced imperfection. Joe, I've had a wonderful time.
10:26Max, we've come a long way today. We have, mate. Covered a lot of ground. Yeah. And I want us to do one last exercise. Okay. To find out whether you really do have any shame whatsoever. Okay. I'm going to partake in this exercise. It's only fair. Great. It's called shame off. You've heard of bake off. Well, this is actually nothing like that. No. Apart from the off bit. Doesn't even rhyme. Buzzer of shame. We'll keep going back and forth, taking it in turns. And once your hardened soul has finally felt a bit of shame, you can press that buzzer and my work will be complete. Ready? Let's go. I'll go first.
11:10Okay. I once called my teacher, mommy. How old are you? 13. Too old for it, isn't it? That is rough. That is rough. I will regularly have mayo with a chicken chow mein. What? Hey, I thought we were really getting them out. Sometimes I'll walk into a door thinking there was no glass there. I think what you've done there is you've substituted shame for stupidity.
11:52Tomato. Tomato. Yeah. When I was 10 years old, I locked my mum's new boyfriend out of the house and didn't let him in for six hours. Why? Because he was an arsehole. Fair enough. Sorry, mum. I once pushed my best mate's poo down a drain because I didn't want us to get a 50 euro fine in the hotel we were staying at and no one else would do it so I did it with my bare hands
12:30Fuck, he just put mayo on chow mein You've handled the turd I dislocated my knee doing the can-can.
12:48I once farted on my way to work. Oh, yeah? And it was a bit of a scary one. So I had to check to see whether I had actually pooed. I put my hands down my pants just to check because it felt a bit warm, a bit hot. And then I pulled it out and it was quite apparent that i'd actually pooed so i've got on my fingers yeah but i haven't got any like anything to wipe them with so then i had to carry on driving for 45 minutes before getting to work with poo on my fingers while still driving i'm doing it on your behalf because i i didn't i thought you had too much shame before, but I think you need more.
13:40Too much on that.
13:46Right, Elizabeth, we've identified your voyeuristic tendencies, but it's no bad thing. Thank you. It's your superpower. We'd like you to give us the best piece of hot goss that you've collected in all your years of voyeurism, but people watching. Let's call it people watching. We're basically going to exchange hot gossip that we've heard over the years. Okay. And we are going to put as many pigeon noises and animal noises over any key details in the edit. Like names. Like names. Why don't you go first? Do you want to go first or Jake go first? I can go first. You go first. It's actually awful.
14:26What? Like, I feel so bad because she seems like a lovely, lovely woman, but this story, and maybe you've heard it, has been doing the rounds of what used to be known as Fleet Street for decades. Fleet Street being where all the papers were printed. Have you heard this? I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't know who this is. Have you heard this piece of gossip? No, I don't know who this is. She's an esteemed... And she apparently had a sexual predilection. Predilection? For, like, taking a shit during the act. And apparently once on a glass table. That's what I've heard. That's what I've heard. Just a couple of questions.
15:19Yes. Yeah. When you say taking a shit during the act... Yeah, like on someone's chest, rather than when she's having her thoroughbred. It's so weird, because I genuinely heard a very similar thing about... Maybe they were having sex together. Honestly, carbon copy. Really? Yeah. That's so interesting. That's very like... I can totally see it. I heard a rumour that on his birthday, every year he gets his people to find the four closest looking... likes it. And then on his birthday, they get dropped on the four corners of an island off the coast of South America. He gets parachuted into the middle of it and he's got his birthday weekend to find them and fuck them.
16:07And I've heard. That's a reality TV show. I have heard that. Yes! Yes!
16:16For this final exercise, I want to help you come to the understanding that not everything is worth the risk. I'm going to give you some high-pressure situations from my life, and I want you to tell me if the risk is worth taking or to play it cautiously. So risk it for a biscuit, exercise caution for your portion. All right? Okay. You find a tin of ravioli in the back of your cupboard. It's two years past its sell-by date. Do you risk it?
16:52risk it two years past its sail by date it's bullshit those fucking sail by dates on tin food okay interesting do you think they landed on the moon just have interest yeah right see where your head's at that's good you've overindulged on spicy food the night before the belly's growling you've got to go there's just four sheets of blue roll left is it worth the risk? But I'm bursting. Yeah, bursting.
17:29I'll go. You just go and wipe before? Yeah. Yeah, I've been in some fucking dodgy situations with shit. I reckon I can do it. Wow, that is impressive. But you've got a sink as well. Pardon? Is there a sink? I imagine there'll be a sink. What are you doing with the sink? Well, I'm just washing afterwards. Yeah. So, you know, even if there is a bit of fucking... What, you just shit in your hand? No, no, I'll shit in the toilet. Yeah. I'd wipe with the four pieces of single ply. Four. Do as best job as I can. And then if there's been any fingers through the paper or, you know, it hasn't quite tidied up, then I'll go and sort of employ the sink.
18:09And can I just say on behalf of all of us, thank you for your service.
18:15you see someone at a party you've met before but you can't quite remember their name you're 90 sure it's ian do you risk it
18:34no i don't risk that you don't risk it no because i'm shit with names i do it a lot I hate getting the name wrong so I'll just go in with pal hey mate how's it going this feels like or if my missus is brilliant this is wild it's a massive breakthrough though in terms of what people take risks in and finding a sense of caution happy to risk your life the way I look at it is the decisions I'm making what impact will they have on people around me it could offend that guy he might be like you twat we fucking and I'd rather sort of not risk that one wow so many layers to you you know what I mean you're like an onion I just want to peel you one by one I get the impression you don't want to be peeled we said stop thinking of things like that that would make you horny Jamie you made it clear he didn't want me to do that
19:27right moving on to our final exercise Eddie we've covered some very interesting topics today in our quest to turn your weaknesses into strengths I said before, I want you to try and to learn to love your weaker self. So, without further ado, let's meet him. Here he is. Great. Weaker Eddie's arrived. Cheers. This is... Weak Eddie, just here, please. In between me and dead Eddie. Great. You look great. Beast, I've got three things I want you to do, please. I want you to compliment weak Eddie. Compliment? Yeah, give him a compliment about something nice that you see. He's got really nice glasses and the beard is pulling off.
20:21But the glasses are lovely. Sorry, hang on. Sorry. Hang on, just my... Oh yeah, sorry. Now give him a piece of advice you think he needs. I don't know. I mean, the fact the price tag is still on that chain tells me that you're going to send it back once this episode is done.
20:51So you're saying that weak Eddie's a tight arse? Basically, yeah, stop being a tight arse. That's the advice. Spend money on yourself to invest in yourself for a better you. and what about giving weak Eddie a hug yeah okay let's do it weak Eddie you ready for this make your way to the beast oh that's you
21:22there you go this is great this punk fell over as well that's great thank you there you go finally could you look him in the eyes? Make eye contact please guys. Uh huh. And can you Eddie the Beast Hall tell him that you love him? I love you.
21:47Yeah. And shave your fucking armpits as well. Fucking hell. Weak Eddie Hall everyone. Thank you. Please. Thanks mate. Please.
Read the full transcript
22:03Right, we're going to do a final exercise where we turn into agony aunt and agony uncle. Lovely. You put a call out to our listeners, did you? I thought you could give some advice. Sure. It's perfect because you're both going to be using your oversharing as a force for good. Okay. First one came in from a guy called Harrison. Thank you, Harrison, for your message. I accidentally liked a girl's Instagram post from 2018. All been there. I panicked. And then I liked 12 more to make it look intentional. Is that worse? oh wow mental have you done that have you yeah but what you do is you unlike it go back up to the top and then like the most recent one so when they get it on notifications it just looks like you've liked the most recent picture that is brilliant advice if you like something on Instagram does it show up on their Instagram yes how old are you Rebecca says I was having sex with someone God here we go sorry yeah the cheek of me I was having sex with someone and accidentally said my own name instead of theirs.
23:03And now they think I'm obsessed with myself. Do I address it or just leave it? I think you'll have to say, I've never done that. Not the, you can't, in the third person's crazy. How did you walk into the room, Joe is here to see you now? Crazy. Yeah, I'd say blame it on self-love. It's like self-affirmations, isn't it? Like, yeah, I'm ready for you. Rebecca's ding dong, merrily on high. Final one from Ishmael. What's Ishmael said? I've started seeing someone in the sex is outstanding. What a review. Outstanding? Is this offstand?
23:40I've started seeing someone in the sex is outstanding, but they keep high-fiving me afterwards. Like every time. Do I say something or do I start high-fiving back? So he's not high-fiving back. So they're going to high-five and he's just there going... They keep trying to high-five. Why are you high-fiving? What's happening? Well, I suppose the excitement of just... What else do you do at the end? I think it's good. Go get a towel. I don't think you should be... Immediately get a towel. Why say it like that? Because as soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. You were like, oh, no, I can't take that.
24:17There we go. It's happened. I've learned the lesson. I've learned the lesson. Oh, good. Interesting. Interesting. So there is a small start. Well, I think what's been interesting about these is that... Thank you to everyone who sent a message in. Sure. But I think it's interesting that from our listeners oversharing, actually, I saw you two both take a step back at some of them and think, bloody hell, this is a lot. And maybe it's given some perspective. I think we've made some steps. I want to say congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. I think there is a small... You've come a long way.
24:48Leaps and bounds. Yeah. This is a public service announcement that we are taking the podcast on tour. That's right, all over the country you can come and see me, Joe, and that skeleton with a beard on it doing our thing. What about Janet? Well, she will maybe be there. I'm just worried that sometimes she sort of oversteps the mark a little bit. We've got a lot of people watching, that's the thing. We are going to have some very special guests, that's guaranteed. We're going to definitely get you your magnificent thighs on the show, people can see that in real life. All of them? What do you mean all of them?
25:20You've got three, actually. I heard the rumours.
25:25I don't call my dick a thigh. There will be chaos. Who do you know that goes, hey, check out my thigh? As a reference for their dick. No one goes, oh, check out my third thigh. I thought when people talked about the thigh gap, it was lack of dick. What? There'll be chaos. Is that why they go check out my third... I have to read the autocue. I have to read the... I'm so contracted to. There'll be chaos. There'll be audience participation. And there's guaranteed to be some things we probably shouldn't say in front of a live audience. That will be one of them, actually, probably. How do people get tickets?
25:56and are they available now? Tickets are available right now. Haven't got a watch on. If you don't come, we will notice. I can't stress enough. These are massive venues. If you don't come, it will be a sea of empty seats. You have to buy a ticket. We really will notice. And it will bring shame on the podcast, which I don't think you want because if you're watching this, you'd probably like it a bit. So get your tickets from the link in the description. Now.
26:28Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.
27:26From athletic stuff like a full court pickup game, swish, to athletic stuff like a half mile stroll. Get those steps in. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic, Sierra's got it. Jamali, you've been wonderful. I really appreciate your commitment to today's session. But one final exercise I have for you. I think the one thing that makes someone truly bothered is responsibility. you know, having to take care of something that isn't yourself. Is that fair? Yes. You have to really... Oh. I would say no. I don't know. What answer do you want me to say?
28:04Because I'll be honest with you, I kind of zoned out. I didn't hear what you were saying.
28:10I'm going to be honest. I kind of zoned out. So I just went, shit. So I don't know what I was saying yes to. I want you to take some responsibility for something other than yourself. Okay. I want you to worry about something else that's not just scrambled eggs on, A pathata. Yeah. Have you got me a cat? A what? A cat. I don't think legally... Oh, you can bring out a kitten in a cupboard. Yeah, that if the kitten had been stuck in my drawer for the last hour or so, I think legally I'm getting in trouble with Peter. No, that's true. I want to give you the gift of a bonsai tree. Oh, shit. No way.
28:48That's so nice of you. Okay. This is going to be dead in a week. Okay. What? This will be dead in a week. No, no, no. That's sort of the opposite of this whole bit, actually. Oh, no, this is going to die. No, no, we've made some real progress here. This is proper going to be dead. No, we've made some real progress. This will never taste water. No, no. Jamali. This is proper. Jamali. It's never going to know the feeling of hydration, is it? Yeah, yeah. Jamali. You like sunlight? Not my gaff. It's been nice. This is cool, though. I think someone's excited to commit to some care. Yeah. I need you to look into that plant.
29:22Yeah. look the plant in the leaf yep I want you to repeat after me yep I Jamali Maddox I Jamali Maddox promise to commit to look after this plant yep and how just take her away talk to the plant yeah tell them how you're going to look after them I guess I'll water it a bit yeah water you a bit and I don't know just you know treat you like a plant I don't know What about a name? What are you going to name the plant? Joe. Joe. Joe. How are you spelling that? J-O-E. Right. Yeah. Are you offended I had to look at the thing first?
30:15We've been trying our hardest to help you detach from your obsession of the past. Yeah. How do you think we've done so far? Pretty good. Alan Fletcher certainly pushed a few buttons. Really helped. And getting that blind ranking wrong didn't feel very nostalgic, which was quite nice. Yeah, baby steps. We've made baby steps. We've got one final exercise. Okay. I need you to be ready to break up with the past. Are you ready to break up with the past? Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. Bring out 90s Josh, please. Oh, no. Oh, wow. I didn't have that much bum fluff, I'll tell you that. Do you know the main difference, Joe?
31:01I was willing to pay the full price to get the official shirt rather than the knock-off one without the umbro on it.
31:15Does 90s Josh look familiar to you? Not really. Not in the... This isn't what you looked like in the 90s. Full disclosure. Yeah. No. Right. But, you know, I had short hair. I got glasses about five years ago. I didn't ever wear that hat. I had the official shirt. I did have a pair of Adidas poppers, though. Okay. Well, there we have it. There we have it. That's all we needed. The one... Yeah, the one little hook. Yeah. for you to feel like this is you. This is 90s you. Yeah. This is you, Josh. Yeah. This is 90s you. Okay. Don't be disorientated. I know that happens. It can be traumatic. Look at the past life of you.
32:04Yeah. Don't. Don't worry. We want to help you let go of the past and live in the present. Okay. Take all the time you need. Okay. But you need to break up with 90s Josh. For the audio listener, he looks like Josh from the waist down. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Pre-antidepressant. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
32:34Huge. Huge. So, Josh, it's been a lovely 30 years together. But I don't feel like there's anything left. I feel like we've done it all. it's a cliche to say it's not you it's me but sorry to interrupt I know it's your thing but that doesn't work it is you it is me yeah yeah but you just said it's not you it is me yeah so it is me but that is not going to work in terms of letting go because it is you oh I see so it's not you it's not me it's me yeah so it's not me it's me yeah there you go And I've been seeing someone else. The 80s.
33:26Look at his little face. But I hope it's not going to last with the 80s. So one day, I hope I'll be with the present day. Beautiful. Beautiful. That really is, isn't it? I think we've really made it. Nailed it. Clavy, for some real closure, would you like to give 90s Josh a cuddle? No.
33:52Is that what you do when you break up with someone, Joe? Me? Yeah. I've never had to break up with him. Oh, okay.
34:03Danny, as a final exercise, I'd love to help you face your fears by unlocking the most primal of survival instincts. Fight or flight. I'm going to give you a situation. Oh, okay. you decide whether you face it, avoid it, or third option, you do something different, whatever you'd do. I think I've explained it. It's a bad job of explaining it, but I think, are you ready? I'm ready. Okay, let's go. But before we begin, intimidating lighting. Ooh, for the audio listener, the lighting has got very intimidating. I think they heard. Didn't they hear it? Oh yeah, they heard the lights get scary, didn't they?
34:42No. No. Oh, he does it to me all the time. Situation one. You've seen a massive snake in the room, but then you lose it. You don't know where it is anymore, but you know it's somewhere near you. Fight or flight, what are you going to do? Flight. Just leg it? Yeah. So someone else has to deal with this venomous snake that you've lost in the room? It's venomous. Well, I could leave and then ring up the people that can help rescue animals. RSPCA? RSPCA, yeah. Okay, so you're just legging it. Yeah, and I'll ring them up. Not even considering facing that fear? Nah. It's horrible. Not having it. Fair enough.
35:29Situation two. You've been forced by your rugby team to shit in a pint glass. Everyone's shouting and chanting to encourage you. You then see your teammate pickle that shit with his piss. but there's a snake on the glass. Like, it's wrapped round the glass. It's quite specific. What do you do? What am I supposed to do? That is the point of the exercise, Danny. What do you do? What, do you just stay there with the piss and the shit? But there's a snake round this glass. Right, that would be the least of my concerns. So we've established a new fear of pickled poos. Yeah. Joe's just written these hypotheticals based on what?
36:11They're hypothetical, Jake. I mean, I would just, I'd fly it just because, yeah. Yeah. Because of the snake. That whole, yeah, the snake and the piss and the shit. Okay, so you're running from that one as well. Yeah. So you're not facing that fear, so that's a leg hit as well. I'd rather the first one. Okay. Situation three. You're 15 years into your marriage. You've got four kids, a mortgage. You only wanted three kids, but here we are. You book yourself in for a vasectomy. Yeah. But you're terrified that the moment you go and meet the doctor for the consultation, you might get a boner. Okay?
36:49Then you get in there, he then examines you, and he's got a snake wrapped around his arm before he starts to examine you. What do you do? Fight it. Because you're in there for something that you need doing. Do you know? So in order for you to have your vasectomy, you're fighting that snake? Vasectomy, I've got to fight the snake, yeah. If you don't want any more children. So you're facing that fear? Facing the fear. Just to help stopping contraception. Just hypotheticals, aren't they? Hypothetically. Just hypotheticals. Sure, it's important. We're making progress here. Okay, hypothetically, you're in Prague.
37:32You're just about to head out to a sex slash cabaret show. Yeah. But before you leave, you realise that the roommate you've been away with has taken a shit in the shower. He's refusing to clear it up. You don't want to lose deposit and you decide that you've got to be the one to clean this shit up. Oh, yeah. And why you lose deposit over there. You go in to do it and as you go in to try and push the poo down the pipes, see what I've done there? Alliteration. I wouldn't do that though. I wouldn't push it down the pipes. But before you get there, there's a snake in the shower trap. I'd have to bite it because someone else would have to do the boot down the drain and that's not worthy.
38:20No one should deserve that. I have to pick up my kids' shit, so... You just let your kids shit on the floor? Well, they're potty training, so just shit where they stand at the minute. So annoying. Right, Prue, it is time for one final exercise. I want you to continue to try new things. Okay. Yeah. But sometimes it doesn't have to be bungee jumping or swimming with sharks. You spent a career trying the most pristine bakes, but now for the first time, I want you to review the bakes of the people. Okay. Okay. which is why I've bought you one of every item from Greg's. Here we go. We've got one of every single bake there.
39:07Let's get rid of Newton's apples. Right, they're not all savoury too. Sure. What have we got? We've got chicken bake, steak bake, cheese and onion bake, sausage, bean and cheese bake. There's a lot of bakes here. Do they... What's that one? Vegan sausage roll. Vegan sausage roll, bacon and cheese wrap. This looks very anemic. It needs more longer in the oven, don't you think? Is that no good? Not so good. I'll be honest, they all look quite the same. But I think I would like the bacon and cheese one or the cheese and onion one. Right, okay. Cheese and onion. You want cheese and onion? Mind fingers?
39:49Yeah. I'll just take the stick out for you. So, what do we... Let's review that. I'll be honest. I'll tell you what, the thing about puff pastry is you really need, it's hot. Hot. And this is stone cold, so it's really doughy. And, you know, the whole point about puff pastry is it should be flaky and it should be shards all over the place. And it needs to be hot, at least recently baked. I don't know when this was baked. Well, you'll have to take it up with Janet. The filling's nice. Oh. Like the way you really dismember that. You see, it could have longer in the oven anyway. Because that's not properly baked.
40:38No. Why is that not properly baked? Not in the oven long enough. No, no, no, no.
40:47How do you know that's not properly baked? What, because it's wet and soggy? Wet and soggy and not flaky. And then this middle, which was advertised as cheese and onion. It's a cheese and onion bake? Yeah, cheese and onion. Well, it is quite cheesy, but it's mostly white sauce. White sauce, no good. It's all right, but I was hoping for real cheese and fried onions. Oh. You know, it would be delicious, wouldn't it? So this is a sort of rather soupy. Are you enjoying that? No, but it does taste quite good. I think if it was... What? It tastes quite good. But you've just said it was underbaked. Yeah, I was complaining about the texture, not the flavour.
41:34But the flavour's nice, even though it's white sauce, blue pea soup. Yeah, it's quite nice flavour, but it could be nicer. I honestly thought you'd just be turning your nose up at it. No, no, no. Fuck this. What do you usually get from Greg's Prue? The anemic sausage. I think I would still go for that. I mean it does taste quite nice I want to say you've tried something new you've tried a wet soggy I've never tried one of them before so we've achieved trying something new trying something pru trying something pru new this is the moment isn't it pru-leaf pru-leaf pru-leaf pru-leaf thank you for coming on and trying something new, fucked it, didn't I?
42:28It's been a lot of ground cover today. In my quest to help you come to terms with morality. Mortality.
42:40We were talking about queefing dogs.
42:46It's definitely a grey area. There's one final exercise I would like you to take part in. Okay. And the final exercise I've got for you is... Russell Roulette!
43:05Right then. What happens? Are you ready to face death? Wow. Not really. I didn't think this would be the moment. Can I not call my wife? send a message to my son? No, apparently not. Yeah, I'm going to face death. I've thought about it. Jake, are we allowing phone calls? No, I don't think we've got time for it. Bring in Grim. Welcome, Grim. Oh, hello. Whoa.
43:35Yeah. Wow. Hello, death. I didn't know we'd done face paint as well. Well, I'll tell you what. What's really interesting is that who knew death wore glasses? Yeah, yeah, totally. That makes complete sense.
43:55Russell, are you ready for Russell Roulette? I am, yes. All right, let's set up Russell Roulette then. How are you feeling, Russell? Pretty good. How are you feeling, Dev? Great, silent type. This works by taking it in turns to take a sip from each of these bottles. Mm-hmm. Four contain the elixir of life, also known as water. One bottle contains the elixir of death, also known as fish sauce.
44:31Russell, you will be going first. Okay. Well, as a nod to the way the world is going, I'm going to go for the far right.
44:43It's water. Congratulations, Russell. You have survived. For now. Death, your turn.
45:02Water. The elixir of life. Congratulations, Death. You have survived. For now. Russell. Straight down the middle.
45:14Oh,
45:18that's a nice bit of water. Tying with us. Well played. Congratulations. You've become Claudia Winkleman. Death. There's only two bottles left. And my maths tells me that's 50-50. Choose.
45:54Russell, congratulations. You beat death. Yay!
46:04Before we finish, I do have one final exercise to really test how much we've built on your trust. Right, okay. It's quite a classic trust exercise. Is it falling back into your arms? No, it's not that one. Okay. Nick. Yeah. I'm now going to shoot this paper cut off of the top of your head using a crossbow. Oh my God. Well, let me see about... Where's the arrow? How big's the arrow? It's called a bolt. Is it? It's not called an arrow. Oh, God. It's called a bolt. I have my bolts here, don't worry. Are you good at it? Am I good at crossbow? Yeah. I was the East Sussex champion, under 14, crossbow and skiing.
47:01Ski and crossbow at the same time? Yeah, Giantsville. right yes i am happy are you happy for me to do that yeah okay well what i need you to do is firstly put these safety goggles on okay thank you is that all i get safety wise you don't need anything else nick oh wow they're blackout goggles yes they are so i'm now going to just i need to get up from my chair hang on do i need to put the thing on my head no that's what i'm gonna do don't worry trust me that's fine oh my god sorry that was me just getting the bolts out. Janet. Right, I'm leaning over now. Yeah. I'm going to place a cup on your head, Nick.
47:40Okay, so I keep very still. Is that on yet? Nick, is that safe and secure? It is. For the audio listener, Nick Mohamed is currently sat with blackout goggles and a cup on his head. I'm just loading the... Weirdly, I've got my eyes closed as well. Just loading. For extra security. I've got one final question before we do this. Yeah. Nick. Yeah. Do you trust me?
48:10I do now, yeah. Oh my God! That was a lot louder than I thought. Oh my God. Please remove your safety goggles. Oh, I think I broke them. That's one way to remove them. What's this? Mate, I was never going to shoot you with a crossbow. Do you know what I mean? You shot me with my little pony. What is it? That was loud. That was loud and quite the scariest. Yeah, I could feel that. Did you feel a little bit? Yeah. Was there part of me that goes, I wish I never turned up today? No, no, no. I was always going to turn up. Okay. Nick, I am proud of you. Well done for Nick. Thank you. We've rebuilt the trust.
48:49We have a trusting handshake now. Oh, it's a double whammy. A double whammy. A squeeze. A squeeze. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. That's nice. That was really good.
49:21I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said. Rebecca's stomach flipped. This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca, written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst. Listen to the free audiobook now.
50:02The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to live. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS
From the publisher
Every guest thinks they’ve made it through the session… and then Joe hits them with one last thing.
This is a collection of those moments: the weird ones, the chaotic ones, and the ones that go a bit deeper than expected.
From cake decorating in a wind tunnel to rating Greggs like it’s fine dining, confronting your younger self and facing fears head-on.… no one leaves quietly.
GET TICKETS TO THE LIVE TOUR HERE:
https://www.livenation.co.uk/joe-marler-will-see-you-live-tickets-adp1647830
Featuring Joe Marler (@joemarler17) and Jake Bhardwaj (@jakebhardwajtv)
Follow the show on Instagram: @willseeyounowshow
Joe Marler Will See You Now is a Platform Media production.
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