Michael Ball and Joe Marler Get INTIMATE

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1:18Joe Marler:You reverberated inside me. Oh, thank you. It was not on my bingo card that Michael Ball was going to present his... Why did I say that out loud? What's worse, why did you write it down in the first place? You want to do what to my bottom? I quite like spank it.

1:40Joe Marler:Hello and welcome to my office. This is Joe Marler. We'll see you now with me, Dr. Joe Marler. This is the show where I open up the minds of Britain's best-loved celebrities and give their thoughts a little tickle. With me, as always, is my research assistant, Jakey Boy. How are you? Very well indeed. I was having a chat with some mates over the weekend. Show off. I know, there's two of them. Yeah. And it was a conversation that made me think you might have an interesting answer to what yours would be. Yeah. We were discussing what our one-hour food challenge would be. Mine was, I really do believe that I could do 50, maybe 60 KFC hot wings in an hour.

2:26Joe Marler:That's three. 50 or 60 KFC hot wings. Because they're so small, they're so quick. That's happened in about five seconds. Then you've got three minutes of rest. Because if I'm trying to average one a minute, I've done three. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bang. I do think I could do that. What do you reckon you could do in an hour? So many out there that I could probably attempt. But the one I'm going to back myself with is five pots of Pringles. Five pots in an hour? The family ones. Not like the mini ones. What's all the air flaking? She's there.

3:09Joe Marler:I'm going to be honest with you, Joe. I thought your challenge would be bigger than that. Have you ever had a tune of Pringles? No, I've never had a tune of Pringles, no. So, you have not lived a single day in my shoes. So, how dare you sit there with the audacity to say that my challenge wasn't challenging enough? did I did I do that to your 50 or 60 KFC hot wings no I didn't I embrace it with friendliness and pizzazz do you know what we're thinking about doing some bonus episodes aren't we we are thinking about doing some bonus episodes alright we start setting ourselves some challenges shall we do it a bit like that yeah also if you're listening or watching this and you've got a challenge for us we'll bring it bring it on fucking bring it on actually well slightly aggressive to the listeners fucking bring it on then because we'll do them we'll do them on the bonus episodes yeah well we'll try and do them yeah Jakey who have we got on today well I don't know what this man's food challenge would be because he's less known for things going in his mouth than things coming out of his mouth he's a professional singer because he's a professional singer la la la la la la la la muchy muchy muchy much like that you know how much I love a sing song you're really good I'm not really good You just do it with confidence.

4:30Joe Marler:And after you've eaten food, you have a very operatic voice. You want to bad yourself. And then you do this quiet one. That is when someone dies. Very good. I'm very excited to introduce our next guest. Introduce them, who is it? He does singing He does acting He does musical theatre Musical, musical, musical theatre Jimmies He does all of it It is Michael Ball Michael Ball, everybody! Michael Ball, can you believe it? Michael Ball I can't quite believe it Michael's nearly here Michael Ball Where is Michael? Where is he hiding? He is hiding from us now Once and for all, it's Michael Ball. Here he is, here he is, running up the stairs.

5:31Joe Marler:And I am really scared, in left and right. And will I sleep tonight, Michael Ball? And we had a note in from Michael Ball saying, whatever you do, please do take musical theatre seriously, which I'm happy to do. He said he doesn't like people to take a piss out of musical theatre. Well, in no way do I feel we've done that. and I hope to the Lord he's not heard us. Do you know what it is? I don't hate musicals. I like the ones where there are songs spread out throughout the performance. It's the ones where every word is sung because we need to say the script and story, everything. It just can't get away.

6:13Joe Marler:That's the ones I can't stand. It's like every word is sung. That's where I struggle with it. So what you're saying is we're not doing the entire session and sing it. Welcome, Michael Ball. Please have a seat. Say hello to Jake. Hello, and hi. I'm really glad to meet you. I was so shy, but now I'm really not. I'm not. And it's that looking to the distance of reassurance. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I think we need a minute We need to nip this in the bar, don't we? I think we need a minute before we get him in Okay? Just compose ourselves Okay? Janet Is he here? Please send him in

7:13Goodbye

7:25Joe Marler:Michael Ball, everyone! Hey! Very nice to see you, lovely man. Welcome. Thank you. Janet, look after you nicely out there. She was singing duets with me. What a voice. She duetted with you. Yeah, we did a little Fall of Rain from Les Mis, and then we defied some gravity. From the... No, no, we literally just defied gravity. You can fly. I can fly. No, I can't. But she made me feel I could. She gave me wings. She's lovely. Do you know who gives me wings? Who? My assistant, Jake. Hello, Jake. How are you, mate? What a pleasure, privilege, honour to meet you. Jake, this is Michael Ball. Oh, I know.

8:02Joe Marler:I know it's Michael Ball. Nice to see you too. No, no, no. It's Michael Ball. I know. I know. That's why I said, hello, Michael Ball. This is an interesting... I've got a poo bag coming out of my... Wow. Michael Ball. I did not expect that. because there's been no suggestion of a dog anywhere near you, so I don't know if that's just for personal use. It's personal use, officer, a publisher. Okay, it's a poo bag. It was not on my bingo card. Okay. That Michael Ball was going to present his dog poo bag. I'm going to take this off. God knows what else is in here. This is great. Right, the first thing we ask every patient slash guest slash client, We're not sure what to call you.

8:47Joe Marler:Client? Client works? Does it... Client works legally? We're sort of too deep into this to still be working this out. I think client's good, but just to stress, no money will change hands. What do you mean? Well, you want it back.

9:04Joe Marler:Yes. Shall we start off with an intake questionnaire? Okay. Are you ready? Yes, I am. Okay, great. Full name? Michael Ashley Ball. So that's your real name? It's not like your stage name. Well, who would change it to Ball? What's wrong with Ball? And I say that without smirking. I didn't smirk. Did you ever consider having a stage name? No, no. Or did you just think, I've got such a fantastic name as it is? I don't think it's a fantastic name. Michael Ball! God, you're like Brian Blessed. I love you. That couldn't be a bigger compliment. Well, I know Brian, yeah, I know Brian really well. You know Brian Blessed?

9:44Very well. Fuck off. Yes. Oh, my God. Oh, I can tell you stories. He's just, he's awesome. Star sign. Cancer. Oh, this is good. Why are you a Cancerian? Because I was born in June the 27th.

10:02Joe Marler:Didn't choose a name, didn't choose a birthday. Those are those, some things he's just born with. That's why I'm a Cancerian, Joe. Occupation. I would say an entertainer. Oh, good. Actor slash... There's a lot of slashes. But primarily I'd like to think I'm a singer. Favourite musical? Oh, God. That I've been in or that I've ever seen? We'll go with favourite musical you've been in. It's down to two. Hairspray and Sweeney Todd. Oh. Two diametrically opposed characters. Yeah, the demon barber. Yeah, and I do one after the other. And just the best things, a really fertile creative period of my life.

10:54Joe Marler:What's the difference between a musical and a play? There are music in it.

11:02Joe Marler:Some of the answers will just be that short. Yeah, there are songs. And that's fine. Because he will ask questions. I mean, I can expand on that. No, you're good. Yeah, that's great. But there's music in it, Joe. It's in the name. Why did I say that out loud? Why did I say that out loud? That's all right, Joe. We got you. What's worse, why did you write it down in the first place? I can assure you, it was not written down. What's the highest note you can reach? Oh, well, the end of... I thought it was you doing it. The end of a song that I had a hit with, love changes everything, was a B flat.

11:40So hitting that twice nightly, four times on a matinee, at the end of act one and act two, because I'm a baritone, baritone is, a tenor is normally the highest. So I have, with a fair wind behind me, and occasionally done a top C, but that's not comfortable. I probably couldn't get that now.

12:01Joe Marler:What's the highest note you can hit, Joe? Use your falsetto. or son. How do you define falsetto? It's a head voice. You don't want to hear any of my fucking head voice. So you either do it full voice, I want nothing to do with the head from you. Always worrying from the doctor apparently as well. My thing is, mate, my head voices are really kicking me up. I thought I was here to get help from you. But his chest voice, his chest voice and his belt. So you have a belt, which is, that's a belt. Wow. And then you have a head voice. So it's more delicate. I dreamed a dream of time combined. That's head voice.

12:43Okay.

12:44Joe Marler:I dreamed a dream. I dreamed a dream. Wow. That's really good. I think you're really good. I love your eyes as well. Aw. Favourite way to relax? Watching telly. Oh, you're a telly lover. Oh, I love telly. Okay. Yes, I just watch. I love watching telly. Obviously, traitors. was the greatest you must be bored i would love it yeah i would absolutely let's make that in um uh when we uh was touring last year in australia with the lame is cast and so we decided we'd play traitors brilliant and every workplace no matter where you go it was i would had some i had to have a hip replacement when i came back it's a whole other because of that not because of that but but that's why i stayed with the show because i went and had it looked at and they said, you can't walk.

13:37It's buggered. Totally buggered. Buggered. But I kept with a cane going to the side of the stage and then came on and just girded my loins and did the show, did the top.

13:45Joe Marler:Oh, I love that. Wait, sorry. What girded my loins? Girded my loins. Really nice. But one of the reasons why I stayed is because we were playing traitors. You stayed to play? I swear to you. You're in agony, but you needed to see this through. Yeah. Right. Swear to you. Did you win? I got recruited on the last day look at what it does to people even the pretend versions this is fucking great it is such a magnificent program do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor? yeah wow that's really quite impressive the speed at which you agreed to yeah I'm swam here

14:28Michael yeah you can sing

14:30Joe Marler:thank you we get it all right no no won't do it again no no no please do please do okay please please do but what are you doing outside of music not the west end shows not presenting on radio 2 not recording albums or touring yeah what are you doing with your time all time this is this is i don't do enough i mean i think we need to explore that okay i do i do i mean i i do all the cooking and the shopping for the food. I walk the dogs and I watch the telly. I think we need to find you a hobby. We need a little bit more. Is that a fair assessment from me as the doctor? Yeah, and I think it can be very enriching as a broader sort of tapestry of your life.

15:18Joe Marler:What are we talking about? Stamp collecting? I think we should explore that. I don't know. I think that's where we start. Let's find you a new hobby. That's interesting. The research tells me hobbies lower anxiety, strengthen social ties, and extend life expectancy. That's from the Anals of Behavioural Science. Anals of Behavioural Science. Anals is an entirely different thing, Joe. This says it's from the Anals of Behavioural Science. No, that's just a hobby we could explore. This is... Is it a double A? The book is Annals. Or is it spelt from? It's got two N's in it. Yeah, that's... Anals. Anals.

15:58Annal, as opposed to anal, which is pertaining to your bottom. You want to do what to my bottom? I don't want to do particularly... I quite like spank it. Because sometimes you can be very naughty, Joe. Okay, let's see if that's...

16:15Joe Marler:Let's see if that is... Is that a hobby? Hobbyness. Right, Michael Ball. Let's begin.

16:27Joe Marler:you are multi-talented you're an entertainer you know you want to sing in acting presenting all this lot but where did it start how did you how did you learn how to sing did you go to like singing school no i've never had a singing lesson you're self-taught yeah that can't be true okay look the way you just sung in the intake questionnaire was fucking moving you've moved me. You reverberated inside me. Well, thank you. And you haven't been taught that. Well, I learned from listening. What did you listen to? I listened to, so there was a period in my family's life where my dad, 1970, so I'm eight, we moved to South Africa for three years.

17:10And in those days, full apartheid sanctions, there was no television. There was huge censorship. So we dad and mum rented a house there and the woman whose house it was had this huge library of records and loads of them were of the classic uh american songbook artists you know the sinatras and your lf it's gerald's and all those extraordinary singers and loads of like broadway and west end musical soundtracks and i'd sit and listen to these and i loved them and then so you then start to to sing along with the songs my mum then took up piano again so she'd sit around and i'd then sing all those old songs with her because they only had those songbooks there so you listen to the great singers and you think why is that moving me why do i like this and you try and emulate them what was your big break as a performer kind of two i suppose the really big one is les mis i was a year out of drama school how old are you there

18:13Joe Marler:22 23 yeah 22 and I was doing the big break was going up for an open audition for the Gilbert and Sullivan musical or operetta called Pirates of Penzance they had these four stars in it and then the young lead I went up with about 600 other people for an open audition and ended up with a lead in that did that in Manchester but you're not shitting yourself at that point young kids not really doing it No, at that point, I was absolutely fearless. The fear came later. And then from there, Cameron Mackintosh saw me and they were casting Les Mis. Les Mis was about to happen at the Royal Shakespeare Company.

18:58Trevor Nunn directing, I was obsessed with him as a director. And they asked me down to audition and I ended up in the original cast of that. And that was a huge... You'd arrived?

19:09Joe Marler:Yeah. I always thought it was really cutthroat and like nervous as shit to go and do. But the way you've spoken about it was like, yeah, I went and did this, got this audition for that, went and did this, I was in Les Mis, I'm the next big thing. Yeah, and that was my downfall, I think, because I'm doing Les Mis and I got ill and I then lost all my confidence. I suddenly developed anxiety and panic attacks and would find myself on stage not being able to breathe. I don't know if you've ever experienced them. And having come from nowhere, having been supremely confident to suddenly having this, where you're that body outside, that looking at yourself going, you don't know what you're doing.

19:53You don't know what the next words are. You're going to cock this up for everybody. So that you then have the fight or flight and you're clinging onto a chair. That would turn to be getting onto the tube to go into work and having to get off and come home and call in sick. So I left the show. At the height of it, I mean, it was huge. It was the biggest show going. And I just said, I can't do this.

20:17Joe Marler:How did you get to the bottom of that then? How did you work that way? I didn't tell anybody. Did you understand what was going on? No. Did people around you understand what it was? They just thought, he's lost it. I had a breakdown. Yeah. And he's lost it. And what a shame. But Cameron, God bless him, the producer, also was a producer of Phantom. so I left for nine months and he said to me right we're recasting Phantom the role of Raoul there are three leads in Phantom Phantom, Christine and Raoul Raoul's the young sort of hero you'd be perfect come and meet Andrew Lloyd Webber you either shit or get off the pot because sure you know this is you won't get another opportunity like this shit or get off the pot similar with the girded girded my loins girded my loins That's exactly what I did.

21:08Joe Marler:I girded my loins on the shitting pot. Yes. Thank you. And I went in and I met Andrew, Lloyd Webber, did the audition, they offered it to me, and I thought, I'm just going to have to deal with this. And I did. Joe, when you were playing rugby, were you ever sort of like in the middle of a game, you've got thousands and thousands of people watching, that feeling of panic and then seizing up, was that ever something you experienced? Oh, yeah, loads. Really? But then I would just... Because it's so physical that if you are seizing up... Okay, can I just take that back first? Yeah. When you're in the tunnel and you're waiting to run on.

21:43Yeah, I wouldn't go out. So you have no idea what's ahead of you. You know what you've got to do. That's the feeling, isn't it? Yeah. So you're in there and you go out with your mates.

21:55Joe Marler:I'm out there scared shitless. And I'd always be last out because I'd be like, actually, I'm not going to go out. Yeah. And then I'd get out there and I'd be like, I hate this, I hate this. Needing to pay the bills. No, seriously. No, it was. And then go, oh, there's this voice. It's never as bad as you think it's going to be. No, exactly. But then you get out there. And you're not alone. You're not alone, but then you constantly have that self-doubt. You're constantly going, I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve to be here. So reverse that, and you go on with all those doubts, and you play an absolute fucking blinder, and you are the linchpin of the team.