Ross Kemp’s Curiosity Knows No Limits

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24:31let's begin with the small version of ross where did your curiosity come from as a child growing up did you were you always curious as a kid or the curiosity really came i think from my dad's job and my mom's job it says it says your dad was a detective superintendent yeah so he was in the Sweeney. The real Sweeney. Todd Sweeney was a copper who started up the Sweeney, which was to take people on the pavements, which is armed robbers. So armed robbery, even up to 2000, there were still about four armed robberies on the streets, on the pavements of London every week. No mobile phones, and everything was paid in cash.

25:11There was no electronic transfers. It wasn't that long ago. So everybody was like posty vans would drive around with envelopes full of packets of bundles of cash and so it was worth doing because you couldn't it was hard to get caught and it was called blagging wasn't it so your dad was part of the real life sweetie he used to carry a gun he used to put his these 38 shells above me and my brother's steel bed heads when he'd been down the range because there was no armed police in those days not there wasn't a you know like we have now so 19 or whatever there was the actual detectives went to the shootouts and they used to sit and drink with the villains.

25:49They used to know each other. Wow. It was a very different time. The curiosity thing really hit home. He had a brown leather suitcase with all his files in because there's no computers in those days. It's exactly like what you've got in front of you. Yeah, well, I take my work seriously. You do? Yeah, you don't need computers. And I opened up the case. I was sworn. It had John Jork on it. John Albert William Kemp Jork. And I was told never to go in it. and it had like a loop that went through the handle and it was a brass thing. And normally it was locked, but it wasn't locked, so I always tried my luck.

26:21Opened it up, and inside of it were black and white pictures, and I was kind of trying to work out what it was because I couldn't work out what it was. And then I suddenly worked out what it was. And it was if somebody had been murdered, left in a garage in East London, and it had been blown by flies. It had all these holes where the flies had come out, where the maggots had worked their way out. And I'm looking at this thing going, I know now why he told me never to go into this thing so I put it back I put it back I was younger than that it was just after he moved to Central so just first year of secondary school what's that, 11 put it all back and then I hadn't seen him he was working late so whatever if he was in a murder investigation he didn't see him for days and he came home and he went you've been in my case and I went yeah, sorry darling I've been in your case and he went you now know why I don't want you to go to my case and he said don't ever go to it again and I went I won't and I didn't was he tough on you?

27:22yes but I'd stand there and take it sure because that's what that obviously then led on to you becoming hit punched in the face by other people surely that was the start of Ross Kemp the hard man surely I'm just going to stand there and take it I think there is I think it's in all of us that after a certain point you do stand there and take it. Because if you don't, you're going to be trodden on. Do you see yourself as a hard man? No, man. I got bullied at school quite a bit. And then all of a sudden rugby sort of kicked off for me and also I started boxing as well. And I ended up playing for the county and boxing for the county.

28:01And all of a sudden the bullies suddenly, they're redirected there as bullies do. But I bumped into a couple of them subsequently and I've not hit one of them, but I've certainly gone into him and said, look, you, you may have forgotten. He's like, oh, Ross, nice to meet you. Remember we went to school? I went, I do remember you. I know your name because you bullied me for two years. Well, it wasn't me. I know it was. The audio listener, it looked like he was about to get Joe. Not you. It wasn't me. I know I look older than you for fuck's sake, but I wasn't there. It was you going, yeah, I remember you.

28:35I fucking remember you, you prick. Let's go outside. In fact, fucking let's do it now. Wow, I was not ready. You have a lot of similarities there because I think from the outside people would think Ross Kemp, hard man. Joe Marlowe, hard man. They do, they do. They see sort of like a big guy. I mean, you've sort of had scraps on the rugby pitch and people have seen that and thought he's a hard guy. Fake tough guy. Yeah, well, what is the tough guy thing? What makes a hard guy a hard guy? Well, I don't know. What's your view of a hard man? I don't think there is that. Because your view, I guess your view is, oh, appearance-wise, if they're big or...

29:07You're both big, broad lads. you've had a scrap, I think probably you're hard, lads. That's not what, I don't think that's what means hard. I think for me, someone who's hard or, it's a fine, like there's a difference in it. Someone who's hard from a good place, like in a good hard or like a nasty hard. Why is that a giggle? Oh, it just makes me think about erections, doesn't it? This whole thing, but yeah. I wasn't there. Neither of us went to erections. Sorry, good, hard, bad. Fine, that's fine. Carry on. I think it's a consequence thing. There's a lot of people that aren't big, they're actually small, wiry.

29:41It's more of a, what are they prepared to lose? You, like, what are they prepared to give up? What consequences are they prepared to face? They're the scariest ones. The ones that go, I'm smashing this bottle here and I'll jab it in your neck because I don't give a shit if I go down for 20 years. And they're the scariest people. It's very rarely the big units that are thingy. The ones that tell you I'm going to do it generally aren't going to. It's the ones that you're on the end of it after it's happened. I've seen a lot in a lot of your documentaries. Some of the people that actually are quite scary are the smaller guys who have sort of just been running things for a long time.

30:18And they've got that sort of look in their eyes. Most of the bosses that I've met, like, it was called Short Man Giveaway in Jamaica. He had bodyguards with him who were massively built and all carrying. He didn't carry a gun. He was very, very intelligent. Is there anyone that stands out to you that goes, I was actually really scared. They're the scariest person I've come across. I've done everything. I've lived with... The past time I lived with a bit of Hezbollah, I've been with Hamas, I've been... I've done a lot of Nazis. Russian Nazis, Romanian Nazis, Bulgarian Nazis, Polish Nazis. Which ones are the best?

30:58Depends what you mean in terms of being a Nazi. Sure. Who really nailed the Nazi role? Fucking hell, Jake. fuck who's the best Nazi I think Adolf Hitler possibly I don't know he might question that though oh Jake oh that's fantastic for me sorry really really good um but but uh I think one of the things that I realized quite I was really green when I first started doing it like not knowing what i was doing if the translator suddenly goes very pale and stops talking it's time to make excuses because their atmospherics are far better than yours and they know what he's really saying because they could be saying do you fancy going out for a slice of cake and a cup of tea but he's saying if you stay any longer we're going to shoot you all i don't know because i don't speak that language but scary people are some of it is just ludicrous Some of it is just when you look back on it and you go, what was I doing?

31:59I remember being in a prison early doors in Poolsmore where rape or having sex with other men is considered to be very, very normal amongst a certain faction, the numbers gang. And if you don't want to have sex with that person, if that person's powerful enough, he will have sex with you. There's an interview with a guy called John Mongrel, and I sat with him and he was dark. So I meet him and I asked him, I said, do you have sex with other men? He said, yes, I have sex with other men. My face, his face. And I say, so how does that happen? He says, I come into him, I say, hey, my brother, are you a member of the number?

32:39And he goes, and if he says no, I says, you come sit by me. And he's my wifey. Wifey is Afrikaans for wife. And he washed my clothes. He cooked my food. I have sex with him. and I said you have sex with him so does that mean you're gay and he went I'm not gay they're gay I'm not gay and I said what happens if you don't if they don't sleep with you he said I killed them so it was like and then he breathed on me and I warned this will go with me to my grave hopefully it's not the last thing I think about before I die but he breathed on me and his breath will, you could have sliced it. Literally, it was that thick.

33:26And it was nicotine, roadkill, man juice.

33:38Well, fuck me dead. Well, he would, yeah. If your head's up in Paul's more, that would happen.

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34:18See terms. And we're back. Streaming on Peacock. May I present to you the award-winning staff of the Toledo Truth Teller. Slap me. Let's jar something loose. Ay, yes! I like that. The certified fresh series returns. Your boss. You always like this? Or is this just an act? Oh, no. This is mad. Oysters, everybody! It has to have a heart. There's a certain satisfaction when you work with someone. Maybe we could be a family. You sadistic pig! The Paper. New season streaming September 9th, only on Peacock. This show gives me a reason to live. Espolon Tequila. Balanced. Delicious. 100 % agave. 0 % ego.

34:54Just add ice, lime, and your mouth. For real, Margarita. Ride the rooster. Espolon Tequila. 40 % alcohol by volume. 80 proof. Copyright 2026. Compel your America. New York, New York. Drink responsibly. Ross, you're well known for playing the hardest man in TV. I hate that line. Good going, yeah. for the very reasons that we've just discussed you hate that line TV tough guy okay how many cliches have you been given loads no they're not well they're actually not cliches they're actually to the point helmet we had someone come in earlier and they said oh you've always been a bit chunky haven't you who was that how dare they you know so a lot of them are quite accurate but so you're well known for playing the alleged hardest man on tv grant mitchell yeah yeah how much of real ross kemp how much of real you went into playing grant like or was it just completely i think it's the transition i think uh steve and myself or let's call it grant and phil when we first arrived he just he'd not been long out of rada i'd not been long out of ever douglas so we trained three years as classical actors so we were very much into where have I just come from where's the character going to and because we were really conscientious about that and what also we had each other to keep an eye on like unlike being one a single fish we were two fish and what I mean what I mean by that is that we could question each other's motivation and action for what we're about to do and that started to form a real brotherly bond yeah and then and steve and i just we just we just worked we worked out that as the more you play the role the more you need because it's continuous it's not like you do if you shoot a movie you shoot it over a month and you've got to play whatever character you're living this character day in day out and you're spending more time with your pretend family than you are ever going to spend with your real family did it then drip feet did it drip out into your into Ross life what happens is Joe basically not only do you start relying on parts of your own persona to play the part how would I react if I found out hey my brother would be sleeping with my wife you know and you and if you're you know if you're trained and you know your stuff you'll use emotional recall not that my brother's ever slept with my partner but you know what it's like to be heartbroken and you can you as a person knows what that is if I do it in a leather jacket and raise my eyebrow maybe i'm grant mitchell doing it you know but um so there was there was a definite crossover between your persona and the character's persona and sometimes it's indefinable as to what is which but i'm certainly not grant mitchell but there were moments when i was working with steve again like without looking like we're doing the lines looking this way and at the moment someone will say and you're a bunch of and we just go what are you gonna fucking do literally but without the without the what the fuck you're gonna do and like we just do it naturally we're off you know just without and and and you've got to know someone inside out and you and you and that's the thing you're working with each other so much and when barbara came along and she just naturally fitted in it was just like a piece of lego kind of like that you know the family are complete and um yeah they were they were long days, hard days, enjoyable days.

38:22Did you love it? I like anything like that. I do think I refer to it as the factory. It makes soap or it makes sausages, whatever you want to. You go in there, you go to the canteen and then you go to graft and you do graft. If you're in that inner circle of main characters, and it wasn't just the Mitchells, there were other families, of course, you do work hard. And it's not cold face, but it's a different kind of draw on you. If you've to sit there and cry all day i'm i'll be very honest my mum was not very well recently and in the middle of film the second day of filming back on the square my brother rang me to say she's on her way to hospital and she's had a stroke so i was one minute filming in a fake hospital this relates to the crossover and then that night well no since i got the scene done i was in a car and i was driving to a real hospital and um and also what bizarrely would happen as well and i won't life, you'd open up the envelope, vanilla envelope, and you'd open up the scripts in the night.

39:22You'd be reading, that's just happened to me in my personal life. And they would never have known because they'd have written the script six months, four months before. So there was often bizarre overlaps between what was happening in your real life and what was happening in your on-screen life. Crazy. Oh my God.

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41:55What was it like, mate? What was it like when Claudia walked around the table and, you know, pinched her shoulder? The eyebrow. Good try. It's good. What was the turret like, buddy? I tell you what. As you know, the disclaimer is longer than the Bayo Tapestry. Paulsmore and Belmarsh have less policing around it than that game. Yeah? That piece of entertainment. Sure. So, as you know. Oomph. P-oomphed. Oomphed. No, we are fully aware that lips are very much sealed. but do you... How did you find the experience?

42:47You can't say anything. What were the other contestants like? Can you tell us about what podcast you're going to launch as a spin-off off the back of it? Ross Kemp will deck you now.

43:07Right, enough from me. It's time for Jake, your biggest fan, to take over with a small exercise he's devised. Just a quick fire exercise to get to know you even better than we already have. We've established you're one of the hardest men around to help us learn about some of the times where maybe curiosity maybe got the better of you. You want to play a quick game around the world in 80 traumas. I thought we were keeping it light. 80 traumas yeah that's what it says around the world in 80 traumas yeah okay keep it light brilliant we might stop let's just do three we've got a list of places I just want you to tell me the maddest thing you've seen there you up for it?

43:46yeah Libya I mean desperate people being dragged off boats and put in concentration camps aside I got me and my sound man and all of us we're in a supposed safe house that they were going to detain us in under lock and key for a period of time and I thought they might shoot us at one point. We all thought they were going to shoot us. We were held for about 48 hours without being released. We could go to the toilet but under armed guard. And Marta, this is a true story, Marta, who was the director, Marta says, come into the female room. And I said, I cannot go into the female room because there's cameras in there hidden.

44:24There are no cameras in this room, fine. She said, open the drawers. So I opened the drawers and it's pink knickers big pink knickers like big and i go nice but they're even too big for me i can't get into a martyr she said ha ha ha look underneath the under knickers so i push you i said if he comes through the door now he's going to shoot me right come and there are eight mils grenades like the old-fashioned pineapple pin throw right okay she said i said all right he's He's got hand grenades. Fine. He runs a militia. He would have hand grenades. He said, look in the next drawer. No, no, no. Pulled up in the next drawer.

45:04It's bras. White bras. Big bras. It's under the bras of four RPG warheads. So we knew we were dealing with pretty heavy people. So that was Libya. That was the answer to Libya, really. That was hard. Wow. Do we need to play the rest of the game? That's incredible. I think it's up there. Yeah. with one of the most incredible stories I've heard. Bogota. Yeah. Where's Bogota? Columbia. One of the ones that really sticks out to me, and I'll tell you this is a really long dip, but I'll tell you. So they have sex hotels. So it's 43 degrees. It's on the Pacific coast. It's where nearly all the cocaine that goes up to west coast of America comes out.

45:46The CIA have taken over control of the port. So now they're using little fishing boats to go out to the bigger boats. So all these little villages have become hubs for the cartels. And they use takedown merchants. So they come find out where your Coke is and they take it off you. One of the ways they find out where you've got that Coke is by chopping you up slowly. All right, so you have chop houses. Not chop houses where they chop up drugs, which I've been to lots of. Chop houses where they chop fingers. Start off with fingers. First of all, the first thing they do is, and I met the guy. So the sound air con is so hot in this sex hotel.

46:21It's got a sex room. It's got all of these kind of odd shaped sofas and there's a little fridge in the corner with a comb. Not going to work. Durex or lube, lots of lube, little mixers, in case you want a little drinky beforehand or afterwards. And just more lube, right? It's a little fridge. Then it's this smooth floor, tiled floor, these plastic things. And we put a D5 camera on him on a tripod. He's got to stand it. we're shooting him in shadow because he can't be seen um he's african colombian so he's got dark skin but he's covered in rosaries and crosses and all this stuff so he has to take that all off because he can id him we start doing the interview and dave says the air con's too loud so to turn it off so it went from being a really nice 18 to being a really really sticky 38 40 very quickly so as i'm doing the interview with him and he's telling me how how do you do it well first of all i take your eye out with a fish hook right then they know that we're serious because we're blind to him okay and then what happened then we take the fingers off i said i'll give up if i had it i'd give it up but sometimes they get the wrong people oh my god right and they end up chopping them up into so their bodies are box basically and throwing them in the sea they look like white boxes of coke actually well packs of coke because the sea it's on brand i guess dies it dies it white the skin the flesh is dyed white in the sea because of the salt but it is i'm dripping right we're all dripping and all of a sudden all the lube is melting right i'm sweating this guy hasn't not got a drop of perspiration on him right he may be used to it whatever but i'm like freaked out by this interview and we're carrying on doing it and He's just telling me about how the worst thing that ever happened to him was having to cut up his best friend, that his brother was mistaken for him and got cut up, and his dad was cut up.

48:18I'm going, it's only a matter of time before you get cut up, mate. Anyway, we finished the interview. I'm ringing wet. The floor was like an ice skating ring because of the lube. The ridiculous of it, you know what I mean? It's not lost. And I say to him as he gets into his car to go be driven away, I said, I couldn't help noticing you're covered in crucifixes and, you know, St. Christopher's and, you know, religious iconography. And he said, I said, do you believe in God? And he went, I believe in God, but somehow I don't think I'm going to heaven. And I went, for sure you're not, but I wish I got that on camera.

49:02Beautiful. Well, that is the end of my whistle-stop tour of the world, seeing what mad things have happened. Sure, quite the whistle-stop tour, that, really. I mean, if we could do a part two, I would happily go all around the world and just listen to stories all day.

49:17It's bonkers story after bonkers story and situation that you've put yourself in. All of this stuff that you've done and have experienced, it's incredible, and like you alluded to, it's easy for us to sit here and listen to your stories, and it's great and not actually be part of it. you've experienced it all but how do you not let it affect you i think you have to have a disposable emotional memory bank and if you can't do that then you shouldn't be in the game we use trim trauma risk management and basically it's if something traumatic happens during the day and it doesn't matter whether it's a road traffic collision or whether it's listening to someone talking about chopping people up or it's actually having a gun shoved in your face or a bullet going past your head we would sit and gather the team we would all talk through our day like you would have done if you were a hunter gatherer around the fire and i encourage it with the kids as well basically it helped to prevent ptsd us are closing envelopes in the back of our brains if you expose it early so if you talk about the way you may have put the team in jeopardy for some reason or you know what you didn't button on in an interview so we did a really good interview yeah but i forgot to press the record button so we have lost that moment did we button on there's all the red lights everywhere i can think we did well i just need to check all 11 cameras love it you can deal with some more yeah um so by talking about it at that point it exposes that yeah put my hand up i did this or i was a bit worried about that and it doesn't fester because the last thing you want is that the next day you're going into a hostile environment and people are holding doubts about somebody's performance or they're blaming them for something that they might or might not have done so it's about free talking basically getting it out there quickly and not holding grudges and it really does work that must be that must be so important like you just said to actually do for your team in order to progress not just to the next day but when you come home absolutely you've already processed it you've sort of and compartmentalised it and you've gone, right, that's there.

51:29It's always there but it's not going to affect you as much as well. But you clear it, Bella. Jake, do you think maybe we should probably bring that into... This workplace environment? Yeah, I'm just worried. Well, no one talks to Janet. We've got no idea what she's up to. We've no idea what she's doing. Maybe Janet leads on that. Yeah, potentially. We'll get Janet to lead on that. In all this, you come across so many different people. what's it done what do you think of people is it a trust are you amazed by all these people are you trusting in the human race or you got an overall negative thing of it like you go fuck the world it's dark out there it is dark out there but I specialise in looking at I would say the minority which are the ones that are dark and the overwhelming majority of whichever country you go to, often countries with far less than we have, generally having a happier time.

52:33I'm fascinated by human beings. You know, my big hero is Sir David Attenborough, and I remember watching that interview, interaction with gorillas, which are still my favourite animal on the planet. I'm obsessed with gorillas, love them. And that moment, I don't know if you've ever seen it, it was when he was very, very young, and the gorilla comes up and strokes his face and could put his arms off, and he interacts with them. I realized at that point that that was something that honesty was not staged. It could never have been staged. It was so real and it was so engaging that that's what I wanted to do, engage in a very honest, open way without staging anything with human beings.

53:21and that's hopefully touched with what I've done. Do you think your curiosity is actually a strength? I think it can be both. It can be a strength and a weakness and I think that's something that you have to be mindful of. And I think getting older, there are a lot of things now that every rock had to be lifted and looked under. Now it was selective. And also I think the more you know, the bigger your fears become you feel that you're as you know probably a professional top professional sportsman the risks that you're prepared to take on a field probably and the the power that you exert is greater when you were younger and you're not going to be intimidated by anybody but we all eventually come up against something or someone that is can defeat you and it doesn't necessarily come in the guise of the player playing opposite you it could be an injury from nowhere or whatever it may be so i think you i think if you're going to survive you have to analyze the fear and you use that judgment you know you you use this could hurt a lot more than it gives me any kind of gain so why take that trip do you you've mentioned your kids a couple of times and i got four kids as well is it are you conscious of the curiosity that you've shown throughout your years that you want like as as a like a role model to go on go out be curious and or are you like actually i don't want you to go out and see the world that i've seen i'd much prefer you to just have your head in this ipad or i know the answer but yeah they've got their heads the iPad already and getting the heads out of the iPad is what I want all kids to do I don't think we can live our lives vicariously through images sent to us by people who are manipulating not only our children but also us by me buying the thing in the first place so I honestly believe that without being like I'm lecturing you on how to bring up your children because no one knows how to do that properly if anyone had mastered it they'd be the wealthiest person on the planet because they'd have written the book.

55:33My mum always said, there's no book to tell you how to do it and no one's ever got it right. No. You can only do your best. But I do worry about how much time... My kids do play on electric games. They have got iPads. But I'm... And I've just done a programme about the effect that has on young boys and is there a correlation between time spent on screen and behaviour, and there it definitely is after a certain period of time, and that worries me. And you don't want to be exposed to that kind of stuff at a certain age. It's too much, too much for your brain to comprehend. It's crazy to think that we've gone from, oh, it's, you know, we don't want to go out to the park late at night anymore because, you know, you might get abducted or kidnapped.

56:25It's dangerous out there, but we'd much rather keep you in your room and here's your iPad that actually gives you access to the entire world. Yeah, the world of parks and all the people that inhabit them. Exactly. I'm not sure how effective it will be with the new legislation in terms of phones because you can't have one rule for somebody and another rule for somebody else, particularly if they're in the same school, because he's got the new iPad 28 and I've only got the iPad 16 and that means that I'm less a person than he is or she is, whatever it may be. I think that creates division. It's divisive.

56:59I think the whole system is divisive. And I also question how many people who own those companies allow their own children to have access to the kind of stuff that they're promoting and those devices. That's me cancelled. Well, that's what we provide. We provide platforms for anyone to come on and get cancelled. I'm always this close, as my wife often warns me. I go, are you right with me going away and doing the bits and bobs? I'm busier than I ever was. Sorry, I don't see you all that long. She goes, go make hay whilst the sun shines, babe. You're fine because you'll soon become irrelevant and or cancelled.

57:40Thank you, Jay-Z. Love you. Yeah, but she's right. Cool. But she's right. Not about you, about all of us. Yeah, sure. Do you know what I mean? And that is the way that society has gone now. um so yeah i am i don't know how i got into this where were we going to finish it so yeah i'm i i i i do want them to have a big believer in kids having fun bracing a bit more curiosity in the real sphere yes opposed to i don't want it to be those made up i don't want them to be you know doing county lines you know and one thing there's some serious stuff going on out there that we are turning a blind eye to in terms of child slavery in this country, manipulation of young minds into sexual areas of sex.

58:29So some real serious dark issues out there. But in the main, you want young people not to be forced to grow up very quickly because of what they experience on a screen. I want them to grow up slowly, enjoying life, experimenting between themselves, learning how to interact, how to become, make friends with people. Relationships. Break up and then walk away peacefully rather than hurting each other. And everyone, sitting behind a keyboard and saying, I'm going to kill you is one thing, but people are now actually doing it. Not all the time, but there is an increase in that, and I want us to steer clear of that.

59:09Right, Ross, we've achieved a lot in today's session, I feel. Do you feel the same? I do. I've got one final exercise to really test your curiosity. I've got a few situations that I'm going to present to you. One by one, we'll go through them and see how far your curiosity can really go. Okay, you ready? You look ready. He looks ready. He's very ready. Situation number one. You're on location. Your phone rings. It's a withheld number. Not a number you recognise. You're picking it up. or you're deleting never pick up a withheld number never ever no why because you don't know the other on the end of the phone no no i know that because you don't know because it's withheld yeah why are they withholding it i know them pick them up and sometimes i think this is about curiosity if no matter who it is and if i know them no matter where i am obviously not when we're recording, I will pick the phone up just in case it's bad news.

1:00:12It does seem like we're actually making progress. Scenario two. Ross, I wonder if you've ever been curious about what you would look like. Ah, yeah. With hair. For the audio listener, Joe is holding a long blonde wig. what's your it wow

1:00:37hi Ross Camp here why not James Farquhar Smythe

1:00:45it's I can't stop looking at you

1:00:50here's a story it'll make you laugh Thursday nights rugby training Brentwood first team supposedly I was yeah even though I was in EastEnders I used to get Gorbachev a lot people scrape yeah my head um I was playing Dilly Dally which was um a drag queen in a drama called City Central so I was practicing the number which was I will survive yeah it was supposed to be a Mancunian accident as long as I know how to live I know I will survive because I've got all my love to give anyway I was practicing it so I come back from training I hadn't showered I was meeting everyone in the Green Dragon for a pint, not everyone, some of the players.

1:01:29And I thought my back garden, you couldn't see into it. I picked the house, but it was winter. So some of the evergreens were there, but a lot of the other non-evergreens had dropped. So you could see into my garden. And I had a, this is in Shenfield, Essex, Brentwood area. I had an extension at the back, which was sort of like where I had a dining room. So basically walked into the Green Dragon and everyone started whistling and singing because they'd seen me fucking topless wearing a pair of Vulcan. What are you doing? You didn't know they were there? They were in the... The neighbours were in the back garden looking out through the window.

1:02:00Like, it's a bit odd, isn't it? That's Grant's house. Shut up. What's Grant doing? He's got his top off. He's singing to a hairbrush, wearing neoprene undies and high heels. Yeah, a bit odd. There you go. Are you curious to see what I look like with a full head of hair? I am. Raise the eyebrows as well. I'm so glad you said that. Let's see what I look. Oh, wow. The Doctor will see you now.

1:02:29Yes. It looks a bit, it's a cross between carry on. It's like carry on vibes, but quite slight series. Like, it could be... My Lord, ladies and gentlemen. It's a bit of both, isn't it? Starting navel with the beard, yeah? You look like you're playing the origin series of Captain Birdseye. Where did he come from? He was born there. You're sort of a young Captain Birdseye. Like how he got into all the fish fingers and stuff.

1:02:58Enough of that. Sure, sure. Back to being... Sorry, that was unprofessional of me. I'm back. I'm back in the room. There's been a green button here since the start of the session. And you haven't pressed it yet, which is good. Good control. But you've got a decision to make now. You can either press it and see what happens. or you can fight that urge and not press it and see what doesn't happen if you do press it it could be something good or it could be something bad so would you like to press it or not like to press it right well on the basis of the the therapy that i've gained today and it has made me think about my curiosity, which I'm hoping that I've tamed a bit over the years or maybe the experiences that I've had because of it have tamed me.

1:04:02I can't help myself. I'm still going to press the button. Are you ready? Are you ready? I'm ready. Oh!

1:04:13Right, Joe, you said that wasn't going to hurt. You said, you... Ah!

1:04:23Okay, okay. He said that the therapy would work, he wouldn't press the button, and then I would be fine. I mean, sat here with these fucking things stuck on my ass. For the whole episode. Give yourself a go. Oh, God. Hang on. Not only has he gone from, yeah I'm pushing the button he's going go on Gisgo go on Gisgo I'm curious to see what that actually feels like oh my god um well I'll be I'll be straight with you I I got the diagnosis wrong I'm human I think your curiosity is exactly what's made you the national pleasure that you are fucking hell that's good man that's that's another level It is another level.

1:05:09That's not national treasure status. You're a national pleasure. Coming from you, I take it. You've been fucking unbelievable. I hope you've managed to take something out of today's session. Yeah. I've not wasted my day. It's been brilliant. No way. Thank you very much. As is usually the case with many a client that we've helped, we give them a badge to take away to remind them of the progress they've made in their session. We've got the badge. It's been made. curiosity didn't kill the cat today sadly with the button curiosity killed the Jake and that is the that has been made this is for you this is for you give me a minute that's yours and of course we give every client a lollipop to take away thank you close off we go right around yeah right way around curiosity killed the Jake and you've gone for red for danger red for danger you run into that there we go thank you very much mate honestly you've been unbelievable thank you so much Ross Kemp everybody please Janet will see you out please go Janet will take you thank you thank you if you would like to join the doctor's waiting list then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at we'll see you now show remember unless it's not clear enough already I'm not a real doctor and if you need any professional help you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram.

1:06:39I've been Joe Marla. He's been Jake Bardoage. This has been Joe Marla. We'll see you now. And we'll both see him next time. I can't believe that. Yeah, we will. Do you hear that? That sound, right? That means that summer's officially here. It means that grown adults just sprint into the street for a frozen dessert shaped like a cartoon. But this summer, Mint Mobile has a better treat. Every plan, including unlimited, is$15 a month. And unlike ice cream, it won't drip down your wrist or look nothing like the picture. Does anyone have any cash? Give it a try at midmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required.

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