Soccer Aid Special! Feat. Tom Hiddleston, Usain Bolt and MORE!

14:27Joe Marler:What advice would you have for Joe to sort of be able to sort of block that out? Or does he engage with it? What's the best way to play it?

14:32Edwin van der Sar:I don't really advise for him because we're here to win. So why should I give him any advice or whatever? All my advice will go here. Yeah. To my colleague, my friend, my second.

14:43Joe Marler:One final exercise. You're going head to head on Sunday, face to face. Yes. We've already had some mind games. This is your final chance to get into each other's heads. Great. Away we go. Yeah. Your jersey is going to weigh 25 pounds by the time you get onto the pitch. It's made almost entirely of 90 % bed cotton. You're going to sweat yourself into a stupor. You're going to be walking onto the pitch in a movable showering unit. It's going to be kind of weird because people are going to blame you for being sweaty and it's not even your fault. And that's what I think is sad. And that's worth 10 minutes?

15:2310 minutes. But that's going to happen by half time. He's going to be sitting in it. Yeah. You two. Yeah. I stopped by. This is fine. I think Joe Marla won that one. I think Joe Marla won that one.

15:39Joe Marler:GK Barry, you are a friend of the podcast, a former patient of Joe Marla. but we're here not in a sort of general psychology capacity, but in a sports psychology capacity. Famously, yes. Of course. You're under a lot of pressure right now. How have you been coping with it? Not very well. You know, I've found breathing helps a bit. Please don't stop breathing. Running away from the ball has been a really, really good tactic of mine. And screaming a little bit to let out the tension. So, again, I'm not a psychologist. What you're describing is a panic attack. Yes. Yes, there's been a few. You're describing running away, screaming, and have you cried?

16:16I did, yeah.

16:17Joe Marler:Have you cried? Yeah, just to be wrong. Have you really cried?

16:23Joe Marler:I guess it's a Soccerade exclusive. No, but it's for a good cause. I was really hoping for a happy exclusive. You've just given us a really miserable situation there. I'm just the worst here. So you're sat on the end of your bed going, I'm crying for a good cause. Which day in the process did you start crying? The first. Seriously? Yeah. But it was more like I'm going to die on this pitch of embarrassment. But today I've woken up with a little spring in my boot. And I feel like I'll do good today. You are looking incredibly chirpy. Rumour is there was a big night out last night. No, we always drink water here at Soccer Aid.

16:57We always keep ourselves very hydrated.

16:59Joe Marler:It's so important to stay hydrated in the hot weather. And I would never have a Prosecco as an athlete. Is there enough of a non-verbal wink-wink there? We're being cheeky is what we're doing. I want to talk about fear. I want to talk about pressure. Pressure? What pressure? But how do you deal with pressure? I don't. I just have a panic attack, don't I? Clearly. Do you know what I found, actually? Pressure's... Yeah. I... Go on. I'm just really trying to think about how to word this. I was quite interested in the way you weren't going to word it. That's always a more exciting thing. Yeah, I think there's a lot of pressure here because there's a lot of footballers who actually know what they're doing.

17:38That's operate. Loads of them, yeah. So I've just gone up to each and every one of them and said, sorry, in advance, sorry. And that's actually helped because now they have no expectations of me.

17:49Joe Marler:62 ,000 people on Saturday. Stop it. What could be the worst thing to happen in front of 62 ,000 people? And then when it happens, you can clip this. Probably running on, you know when you get subbed on, go to high five them. They don't high five you. Run on, fall flat on my face, get hit in the face with a ball, do me ACL. and the bar's closed by the end of it. That's worst case scenario. Yeah, that's quite a specific scenario. I've been thinking about it. Each of those specific elements I can sort of imagine happening. Oh, here's the maestro himself, the man who actually knows how to do this.

18:20Hey!

18:21Joe Marler:Look at him go. Oh, look. Yeah, this is great. Oh, that's lovely. I don't need your mic for the cuddles. How's he been as a teammate? So good. Has he? Yeah, yesterday he was going, Grace, I need you. I need you. And I thought, I'm off, sweetheart. I'm not defending your goal. Worst person. Has he been good for morale? Because he builds up this whole thing of like, he's Joe Marla from Joe Marla Will See You Now. He's got the secrets to keeping morale up, keeping people's spirits up. I want to know, has he been keeping spirits up? He's kept my spirits up, but everyone else couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you, yeah.

18:55Joe Marler:What do you mean? Have you been keeping morale up? I'm not here to keep morale up. You are? He's here to catch balls. What are you talking about? You're a former professional England athlete. If anyone's going to keep morale up, it's going to be you. It's not about morale. I'm here to stop shots. This is what I have to work with every day. Yeah, I mean, the morale was low there. That was Jesus. And also, has he stopped any shots either? Yeah, you did actually. Behave yourself. I did many a ball. Thank you. We're working... Together. We've got a lot of synergy. Me and Grace were talking about fear.

19:24Joe Marler:How you harness fear, how you deal with pressure. Obviously, this is Grace's first... Not the first time, but like... I'm a virgin. She's not used to being in front of 60 ,000 people. You've done that with spectators. How do you deal with the pressure? Well, you either deal with it or you don't. There you go. I'm done. I cried in my room. You'll be fine. Are you at... She cried in her room. What? You ate genuine? My first night. What do you mean you cried in your room? I love the job. What do you mean you cried in your room? She said I can't do this anymore. No, you didn't. She did. Grace, you've been a patient in the office before, but we're here today.

20:00Joe Marler:We're talking about sports psychology. We're going to quickly intake you once again. Full name, please. Grace Eleanor Keelan. Occupation. Good. Good at stuff. Good. Good at stuff. Talking and stuff. Good at stuff. Yeah, apart from football, clearly. HMRC gonna have words about that. Good. That's what you put, good at stuff. Good at stuff. No tax please. No tax please. What position do you play? It's left back, isn't it? Left back, running away. Left back and running away. Yeah. Sure. Best thing about Soccer Aid? The charity. Nice, well played. What do you think the score's gonna be on Sunday? I think we're going to win like 10-6.

20:41I would have scored three of them. And, yeah.

20:47Joe Marler:She's terrified, excited, confident, or nervous. Maybe all of them, but for now, GK Barry, everybody.

20:59Grey Roots entering the chat? Uninvited? Garnier's got you. Garnier color sensation Ruitouch covers up to 100 % of grays in just 10 minutes. No ammonia, no mess, and the color lasts up to four weeks. It's as easy to apply as shampoo. Plus, it's vegan and cruelty-free. 10 minutes, sensational color, sensational price. With those savings, your next girls' night is basically free. Find your perfect match at Walmart.com or at a store near you. Evening, buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price.

21:41I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. This episode is brought to you by ADT. One second, you're enjoying your day off. The next, your phone buzzes. A window's been broken at home. You're miles away. In one second, everything can change. That's why ADT security systems can monitor your home 24-7. They're backed by the most company-operated monitoring centers in the industry, so you're always supported during an emergency.

22:21When every second counts, count on ADT. Visit ADT.com to learn more.

22:28Joe Marler:Nikolai. What a pleasure to meet you. How are you, sir? Why are we standing here with this? We're standing here with this today because we run a psychology office when we're not here. I'm a pseudo-psychiatrist. We invite very famous people to come into Joe's office, and he helps them with any sort of psychological issues they may be having. So today we are... There's something funny about that. I know. He's not wrong. Joe. He's really enjoyed it. He's not wrong. Hey. I'm just... I retired three times. I can come back. Cheers, beast. Why have you put the mic against the skeleton? He's not... It's all about the money.

23:02Joe Marler:Well played. Today we're here to talk about sports psychology. Oh no. Oh, we've lost the skeleton. We've blown the budget. He can't believe we're talking to him. He can't believe.

23:18It's easy. It's an easy fix. Let's get into Nicolai's mind. Welcome to the doctor's office.

23:23Joe Marler:Can we have your full name, please? Nicolai Castor-Waldell. Occupation. Actor. Position on the field. Alive. Alive. I hope. It felt like that. I'm in pain. I'm in pain. Where are you meant to be playing on the field? I have no idea. Have you played football before? I have, but I mean, I don't think I get to pick myself, do I? Where do you want to play? On the right side midfield, right midfield. Oh, he does know. What do we think the score is going to be on Sunday? Well, I was watching England train yesterday, and I saw us train. I don't know. I'm guessing... We could probably win by two or three goals, I'm guessing.

24:05So 4-2 international. We've got Wayne Rooney. You have Wayne, but that's about it. We've got Wayne Rooney. No, we've got loads. No, you've got incredible players. You've got incredible players. But you know, it's the classic thing. I think we're going to see that at the World Cup again. You never gel as a team. Too many egos. Too many, like, oh, mate, here we go. Well, right. Yeah, yeah. All that stuff. It's never going to get... We're telling you to Dick Van Dyke from Mary Poppins. We are gelled as a team in the international side. Yeah, we'll see. This is your debut, isn't it? Yes. This is...

24:40It is. It is. Are you nervous at all? Like, are the nerves kicking in? Are you... No. You're obviously a superstar. You're used to all this, like, fame. No, I'm not. But actually playing... Hang on a second. You're playing tomorrow. What are your predictions for the game? Have you played before? Yeah. How many times?

24:57Joe Marler:No, it's your first time. I don't know if that was a mind game, but it was just quite... It was a mind game. I'm trying to... He's so confident. No, I've never played before. Okay, so what are you... We're going to batter you. And when you say batter... Like batter, like cod. Like you get a piece of cod, you put it in the batter and then you fry it. That's what we're doing to you. Like his jaw, basically. It's like, it's going to be... I'd say it's going to be like goals galore. It's for the kids. We're looking at this. This is for the kids. It is for the kids, but... But the kids are going to get battered.

25:26What's going on? What do you mean language? Batter. No, no, you talk about hurting us. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I talked about frying you like a piece of cod. That's going to hurt. Well, it's subjective. No, but you think you're going to win. So that's, obviously you're going to win. I think you're going to win.

25:40Joe Marler:I do have one concern, which is every time we've spoken to an England player, they've felt very uneasy, very uncertain. Every player from the World XI, every single one has seemed so calm and just basically getting into your head. They're not getting in my head. We just have both your goalkeepers here laughing at you. Can you explain to me then? We've got the World Cup coming up. I know this is different. I have my best friend. He's English. Every World Cup, European Championship for the last 30, 40 years, he's always been like, this is the one. Until this one. Where has the confidence gone in England?

26:10Well, maybe. But it hasn't worked for us with the confidence before. Now we're trying to play it the other way where we go, no, we're rubbish. We don't want to win, actually. We just go, and then we're going to surprise you all. We're basically trying to play hard to get. It's reverse psychology. Yeah. Yeah, we're reversing it. I see that. Is it going to work? I think it will. Are you excited about the game? I'm very excited about the game. I'm sorry about the... No, it's fine.

26:34Joe Marler:No, it's the most exciting thing to have ever happened to him. I'll pop an invoice under your door. Please do. It's fine. Please do. No, I'm very excited. Listen, it's... It's just like any man who liked football's boyhood dream to go and play in a big stadium. I just wish I'd done it before I got old. Do you think you'd be phased by 62 ,000 people cheering, shouting? It's quite a lot of evil. I'm going to shit myself, yeah. He's done a Gary Lineker. I am. By the way, has that ever happened? Has that ever happened? Shit himself. Yeah, a teammate of mine has shit himself. That's what I mean. Yeah, so you've seen it.

27:08Yeah, and he showed me at half-time. That's not necessary. No, it wasn't necessary. He went, mate, I've shit myself. I went, yeah, of course you have. No, honestly, I have. And he pulled it down. I went, change your pants then. And he went, no, we haven't got time. Went back out for the second half. Awful. Please, what's the game? He was a winger though, so, you know, it was out there. You couldn't really see it, but that is hideous. You know who you are. I'm not gonna name you, Johnny, it's you. Don't miss the game on Sunday.

27:33Joe Marler:One of them will shit themselves. We can guarantee that. It just happened, I'm sorry. Nicholas, thanks so much. Legend. Thank you so much.

27:45Joe Marler:Ike Brooker, former patient of Joe Marlow will see you now, but now here. I thought you were gonna say former patient at Great Ormond Street. I genuinely thought you were going to go, alright, let's reel them off like they were my former clubs. Former patient at Great Ormond Street, William Harvey in Ashwood.

28:05Decent stint at Great Ormond Street. We're worried I'll be the patient. We're so grateful you've come back for another session.

28:13Joe Marler:You're now here at Soccer Aid. Yeah. We've brought... What's this your fifth year? Fifth year, mate. Fifth year. This is his fifth year doing it. Fifth year, oh. We're basically going to be here as a sort of like the in-house sports psychology team. Okay. Trying to help with morale, trying to help with people deal with pressure, but you don't really need it, you've been doing it five years. No, I'm not a vet. I'm like that little dog dog at Arsenal, that just goes and wags its tail and licks people. You are like that, actually. Yeah, I'm like that. I've seen it. I want to know how last night was.

28:39Joe Marler:Last night sounded like the big party night. We had a good time, didn't we? It was good. Did Joe let his hair down? It was, I did, yeah. I had a little bit of rosette. Who was it? It was Mike Compton. he's played a couple of times hasn't he he's a world 11 hero he sent a video through saying sorry I can't be there guys it's amazing work that you're all doing this is the cause we're doing and also just a reminder like my job is usually to put Alex Brooker to bed when he's had enough and I'm not there so can someone take charge of that please and it was just so you did take charge of it so yeah well because you were fast asleep at the bar I was just I was like Alex you've got to go to bed I didn't say I have enough, like, isn't that cute?

29:23Do you not think it's adorable?

29:25Joe Marler:Look at that face, wouldn't you want to go fall asleep next to that? So cute. Just like, I don't go silly. I don't, like, be horrible. I just have nothing and I'm like a toddler when they're pooped. It's so weird being out of the office, isn't it? Yeah, I know, I don't really see you outside. Are you still, do you always wear this funny little suit? Yeah, it stinks. Yeah, it's fine. Alex Brooker, everybody! Yay! Do you always wear this funny little suit? You always wear this suit. Oh, come here. Thank you.

29:55Joe Marler:It's Tom Hiddleston, everybody. We nailed it. He's used to the professionalism. Thank you, guys. We got there in the end. Tom, we are here. Guys, this is Jake and this is Joe. Just in case you. Thank you, Tom. I think that's us done. So thank you very much. Okay, thanks very much. See you later on. Okay, good. Tom, we're here on a delegation as part of Joe Marler's, We'll See You Now's doctor's office. And we're here to talk about sports psychology. Love that. Talk about how you're doing, how you're coping under pressure. Do you mind if we have a quick intake question here? This is great. To take you, to just enrol you basically.

30:24Joe Marler:I feel like I need this. This is a course I need. I feel like you really don't, but we really do. Get on with it. The ones conducting this, he's the calmest one here. Yeah, he is. Full name, please. Thomas William Hiddleston. Occupation? Actor. What position do you play on the pitch? Right wing. Do you? What disbelief? What was that? I don't know, you've just sort of seen, you've got the sort of like gait of a striker. I could sort of see you banging him in like that. Well, I sit in the front three. Yeah, I sit in the front three. I wing back. Up and down, up and down. Up and down all day. But Kyo, Saka and me are interchangeable.

30:55Best thing about Soccer Aid, Tom? Raising extraordinary amounts of money for children. Which changes their lives.

31:00Joe Marler:And hanging out with this guy. Hanging out with Joe. And finally, what do you think the score's going to be on Sunday? 4-1 to England. 4-1, nice. 4-1? Yeah. Who's letting the one in? Not you, sure. Not you. Joe Hart. Joe Hart. Yeah, the bro. He's letting it in. There's always a goal in the first half. My first time playing, 2023, Usain Bolt scored against... Who was it going? England. David James. David James, of course. It was a David, but it was David James. Yeah, so Usain Bolt scored against David James, bottom corner. In fairness, it was a great strike. Can I ask, Tom, actually, you're a mega superstar, and I don't want to blow too much smoke up your ass.

31:46No, no, no, come on. because actually they used to do that to dead bodies to try and see if they were actually dead or faking it. Terrifying. That's where that term comes from. Every day is a learn day. But you're a big superstar, but do you feel at all the way I feel a little bit around all you guys? You see Usain Bolt walking past. Do you get a little bit like, oh my God, that's Usain Bolt, or are you like... All the time. How are you Usain? No. Oh, you feel it. All the time. I felt it with you. Sure. Really? I did. Joe, I think Joe's... Really well played. I take that up nicely. There's a lot of people feeling that way.

32:20No, also... There's a lot of people feeling that way. You know, I watched you play rugby for years. Big fan. Okay. This is an elite international athlete.

32:28Joe Marler:I actually have to tell him that more than he admits it. I have no previous here. This is a man who's been capped for England many times. I have no caps for England. Do you have advice? You must have advice then for dealing with that intensity of walking out, 62 ,000 people cheering, watching every move. I mean, you're from completely different arenas. What advice do you have for that? Because you've done that countless times. Yeah, I think you've just got to focus on what you actually are doing and enjoy rather than that. They're just people watching. It's great fun. But if you just focus on that, and then that just sort of goes out the window.

33:01Easier said than done. In answer to your question, it's remarkable. That's what I love about Soccer Aid is all these people from different walks of life have all done extraordinary things in their own field. And we're all here for the same reason, which is to play football for children. and it isn't like yesterday Wayne Rooney and I we're in a 1v1 it's a sentence I never thought I would say you're also really really good Tom no no no is he really good no I lack in skill him and Jack Whitehall I make up for in enthusiasm no you're really good that's I like what you're doing there I like we're doing a little bit of fluffing back and forth here but and I know I just I run around a lot to look busy

33:38Joe Marler:he's very good I run around a lot to look busy and your posture I have to say is incredible as well it really is the way he he's tucked in Tom, I hope this isn't too much, but you make me want to be a better man. Jake. You really do. Thank you. Just the way he stands, the calmness, there's no pressure. We're going to talk about fear and pressure. I don't feel there is any coming out at all. I never got there. Have I qualified on this sports psychology course? I think you absolutely have. Did I get an A? Yes. Yeah, I think you absolutely have. Yes, from my own. We're going to finish with one final classic psychological exercise.

34:06Joe Marler:Here we go. I'm ready. A little bit of trust between these two teammates. Okay. And I want you to fall into those big strong arms, backwards. We used to do this at drama school. What, a trust fall? Yeah. Did you do this? Sports psychology meets drama school in one whole beautiful exercise. Hey listen, we rise together. It's a team game. And an acting ensemble is no different. You've got to catch your teammates. Okay, you ready? Yeah. Joe, you're ready to fall into Tom's arms. Here we go. What? Why is it that way round? It should be the other way round, isn't it? No, I'll catch him. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

34:41Joe Marler:We can do it. Which way are you falling? He's a big strong man. I mean, I'd love to see it front ways, that would be lovely, but no, we'll go backwards. A little bit of team bonding, guys. I don't know, because I get... I've got trust issues, you guys. Do we need reinforcements? He's a big boy. Oh! I gotcha. There was that moment. And that's teamwork. That's Tom Hilton, everybody. Oh, wow. Tom Hilton, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much, mate. Thank you so much. What a pleasure to meet you. Such a pleasure. so thanks for having me.

35:18Jake, I'll take the lead on this one. I'll do the heavy carrying for the end here. That was us. Joe Marlow, we'll see you now with Jake taking the lead here at Soccer Aid. Jake, I think you're going to have to do the end because I don't know how to speak.

35:34Joe Marler:Thanks, Joe, and well done. You are doing incredibly well. What? Joe, thank you for inviting us for an insight into your world in the training camp of SoccerAid. If you're watching this, make sure you watch SoccerAid on Sunday and tune in to see our wonderful boy, Joe Marler, play half of a half of a half. It's going to be very good. Goodbye. For a limited time, you can get a Big Mac meal for just$8. That's a burger, fries, and a drink. They don't call it an extra-value meal for nothing. Get a Big Mac meal only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

36:10Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS. The right window treatments change everything. Your sleep, your privacy, the way every room looks and feels. At Blinds.com, we've spent 30 years making it surprisingly simple to get exactly what your home needs.

36:51We've covered over 25 million windows and have 50 ,000 five-star reviews to prove we deliver. Whether you DIY it or want a pro to handle everything from measure to install, we have you covered. Real design professionals. Free samples. Zero pressure. Right now, get up to 45 % off with minimum purchase. Plus, get a free professional measure at Blinds.com. rules and restrictions apply.