Specs Gonzalez Just Broke Joe Marler’s Brain

8:40Specs Gonzalez:And even if they did,

8:41Joe Marler:the prisons are so overflowing at the moment, they're not going to put someone in there for maybe stealing garlic.

8:46Specs Gonzalez:Thank you for being honest.

8:48Joe Marler:Or am I being honest? I don't want to...

8:50Specs Gonzalez:Okay, thank you for potentially being honest. That's all right. My question to you is, why, out of all the things you could nab, yeah, why have you gone for the cheapest thing?

9:05Joe Marler:Because I like the thrill of stealing it, but I'm too scared to nick anything more expensive than that. It's such a thrill when you get away with it, or if you were to get away with it, because if you were to do it, but there's no way I'm going to nick a loaf of bread.

9:24Specs Gonzalez:I don't want to force you into this situation because you'll do it if and when you're ready, but I would highly recommend you have kids at some point. Why? Because they're just fantastic.

9:35Joe Marler:Oh, yeah.

9:36Specs Gonzalez:Because you go wandering around a shop. You say, here, hold on to this for us. And they go, cool. You walk straight out and you don't have the fear. Like, you've got, but you know it's happening. And you go, this is great. Like, I'm living vicariously through them.

9:55Joe Marler:Man, you've not bought garlic for years. And then they go, for me, I'm like, if they get caught,

10:01Specs Gonzalez:I get to go, oh, why did you pick that up? Oh, sorry. Yeah, we'll put that back. Yeah, cool.

10:07Joe Marler:If they don't get caught, it's great. I'm not going to spec-ulate as to whether he has stolen anything or if that's how his rule-breaking presents itself. But I'd love to know more about the rule-breaking.

10:20Specs Gonzalez:Hello, Janet. Could you please send in Specs Gonzalez? Yes, thank you.

10:28Joe Marler:Specs Gonzalez, everybody! Come on. Come on.

10:32Jake Bhardwaj:Thank you. How are you, man? You alright?

10:38Joe Marler:Oh, man. Oh, that's nice. Oh, yeah. Sorry, that was you.

10:41Jake Bhardwaj:That was your arms. Sit down in the chair.

10:45Joe Marler:That's taking a big tumble, that. Just...

10:49Jake Bhardwaj:Sorry, man. You're a big guy.

10:50Joe Marler:You're a big guy.

10:51Jake Bhardwaj:Welcome. Thank you, man. It's great to have you here. Thank you. By the way, I just let you know I'm recording you, by the way. What? Yeah, I've got cameras in my glasses.

10:59Joe Marler:Whoa, the tables have turned quite quickly.

11:01Specs Gonzalez:Are you allowed to film us?

11:04Joe Marler:I'm allowed. I mean, it's a bit richer when we've got eight cameras pointed at him, isn't it? Specs, this is Jake.

11:10Specs Gonzalez:This is my research assistant, Jake. Lovely Jake, man.

11:13Joe Marler:Specs, sorry if this is too strong early on, but you've brought an energy and a light that is much needed in this office, and I appreciate it. Thank you. I can feel it already, yeah.

11:21Jake Bhardwaj:And they're real glasses. Do you want to wear them? It's alright. Oh, you've got such beautiful eyes. Thank you, man. Why do you wear these? Because I need them. Oh, to see. Exactly. Yep. Wow. Nine.

11:37Specs Gonzalez:I can definitely, I can definitely understand.

11:40Jake Bhardwaj:What's your prescription? Nine K.

11:41Specs Gonzalez:Nine.

11:43Jake Bhardwaj:I'm going to say, yeah, I know. Yeah. Everything close. Are you registered blind?

11:48Specs Gonzalez:Nearly. That is, they're so thick. Wow.

11:53Jake Bhardwaj:It's the worst, I've got the worst answer in the UK.

11:55Specs Gonzalez:First thing we get all our guests to do is answer an intake questionnaire. Full name.

12:02Jake Bhardwaj:Ferdinand Charles Shabango Ume. Oh, Specs Gonzalez, sorry.

12:09Specs Gonzalez:Your first name's Ferdinand? That's right. Like after the bull? Yes. And then the other three names?

12:16Jake Bhardwaj:Shabango Charles Ume. Where's Specs Gonzalez coming to it then? So Specs' glasses and Gonzalez is because I was the fastest in my year in secondary school when I was 26 years old.

12:29Joe Marler:Were you the teacher? What?

12:34Specs Gonzalez:What's really you were the fastest in your secondary skill when you were 26? That's what I mean. Were you held back? Like loads?

12:42Jake Bhardwaj:You could basically say that, yeah.

12:44Joe Marler:And what year were you in?

12:46Jake Bhardwaj:Year 11.

12:46Joe Marler:Year 11. All right, it's great. So you were held back by 10 years as well? Yeah.

12:50Jake Bhardwaj:I don't understand why you laugh. I'm just being honest.

12:52Joe Marler:Yeah, I know. I'm recording you and you're laughing.

12:55Jake Bhardwaj:You can record when you're on your own.

12:59Specs Gonzalez:Star sign. I'm a Taurus. That's why I'm stubborn. Like the bull? That's right. Like your real name? Mm-hmm. It's all good.

13:07Jake Bhardwaj:I love being a Taurus. Love strong. Care. Stubborn. They say that we are strong-minded and we are passionate. And 80 % of us have imaginary friends. I was an only child. I had an imaginary friend. What was he called? Shabango. Shabango? What did he do? What was his thing? His thing was Monday to Friday with me, weekends at his dad's.

13:48Specs Gonzalez:What was the most common thing you and Shabango would get up to?

13:52Jake Bhardwaj:Just argue most of the time, you know. So a lot of arguments. He was six foot six.

13:58Specs Gonzalez:What's your occupation?

13:59Jake Bhardwaj:My job now? Yeah. I've gone from being a teacher to a content career. I'm a loser, man.

14:08Joe Marler:Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said at the start of this, you brought a light and an energy that's much needed in this office and I meant it. So I don't want any of that.

14:16Jake Bhardwaj:No, I am, man. I am. Come on. What are you talking about? You're the winner. I don't think so. I'm a loser, man.

14:21Specs Gonzalez:Last time you told a lie, and what was it?

14:24Jake Bhardwaj:Oh, I like it all the time. The last time I told a lie, I'm telling my podcast boys that I've got to go cans for a stag. But I just went by myself because I needed a break. But I lie all the time because lying is free. I think lying is great for the soul.

14:48Specs Gonzalez:I don't think lying is free. It is free. Well it's not because like when you lie there's consequences to those lies. Like, because I remember a lie. Okay. It's in my notes.

15:00Joe Marler:If you're bad at lying there's consequences. Exactly. If you're good at lying it's free.

15:03Specs Gonzalez:I'm very good at lying. Who's your best celebrity friend?

15:07Jake Bhardwaj:Angry Ginge at the moment. At the moment? Mm-hmm. What do you envisage would change? Ah, change. If he, for example, I watched Angry Ginge fight racism in America and he lost. I've never seen that before.

15:22Joe Marler:Yeah, you gave it a go. You lost.

15:25Jake Bhardwaj:You can't lose that.

15:33Specs Gonzalez:I've never met anyone like this before.

15:36Joe Marler:I think you're meeting like this. You guys are so similar. I can't express this enough.

15:41Specs Gonzalez:What's your life mantra? What does that mean, mantra? What do you live like? What's your set? Like my life that I live by is there's always a choice. That's my go-to. Look, there's always a choice. No matter what you're doing, there's always a choice.

15:54Joe Marler:Mine's just like they'll always let you down in the end. Or you could have Live, Laugh, Love. Stone Cold goes DTA.

16:02Specs Gonzalez:Don't trust anyone.

16:03Jake Bhardwaj:Mine's just no rules. No rules. Yeah, no rules. Who cares?

16:07Joe Marler:That is not a lie, because I spotted something earlier. Mm-hmm. Would it be all right if I sort of, like, threw attention to your socks?

16:19Specs Gonzalez:Wow no rules on the socks although the R's the wrong way around so you might want to get them

16:23Jake Bhardwaj:sent back and yeah there's no rules there you go specs I've never met someone before who has

16:30Joe Marler:same legs as me oh well I've got no coughs yeah no coughs they're faster just tib fib skin exactly

16:37Specs Gonzalez:I'm a bit worried to say this last bit um do you consent to being analysed by someone who's not a real doctor.

16:46Jake Bhardwaj:Yeah, I'll give you a consent. I'm recording you, so you can do what you want.

16:50Specs Gonzalez:There's no rules, man.

16:55Specs Gonzalez:Right, so Specs, your mantra in life is no rules. That's right. But without rules, that means there's only anarchy. You're compulsive, enigmatic, and you never stick to the plan. Never. But with anarchy and no rules, it's just absolute carnage. We need structure in our lives. We need... Every time you move... You keep getting a refocus on it or something. Of course. That's why. If we don't have that structure, everything crumbles. And today I'm going to help teach you to build some structure in your life and realise how important rules are. How do you feel about that?

17:42Jake Bhardwaj:I don't think you're going to win, but you can try.

17:48Specs Gonzalez:Right, well, before we actually delve a little bit deeper into the why, let's discuss the what. You know, right here I've got your rap sheet that I'd like you to explain to us. Can I say a rapper? Can you rap? I used to be a rapper, a long time ago. Is it like a freestyle rap? Can you do any freestyle now?

18:13Jake Bhardwaj:Or do you need a little bit of time? Yeah, I can give you a little rap now. Hit me, baby. I'm a big man, but I'm not 40. I fell asleep in Morley's. I had a dream that I beat up Stormzy. Then I woke up, went on a podcast, told him a different story. Look at my face. I burgled my own house and I caught me.

18:39Jake Bhardwaj:But did you see the bars? There was no rules in that bars.

18:42Joe Marler:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

18:42Jake Bhardwaj:And even Stormzy messaged me laughing. And that didn't happen. I told Stormzy I had a dream that I'd beat him up. And he laughed with me. But other rappers wouldn't do that. Other rappers would talk the serious stuff. I woke up this morning, I went and done this and that. No one cares. Tell me about your imagination.

18:59Joe Marler:There was even no rules in the sort of rhyming structure as well, which I quite like. Of course not.

19:02Jake Bhardwaj:And then I start talking about my son straight after burgling my own house. There's no rules. I can go anywhere I want. But you can't burgle your own house. Exactly. It's imagination. But I'm turning my imagination to what? Reality. That's what I'm doing, Joe.

19:19Specs Gonzalez:Right, right here I've got a few well-documented scenarios to run through and I'd like to get a better understanding of what led you to do these things. Okay, so bear with me. and we

19:33Joe Marler:just like this is a safe space you can talk about any rule breaking situation Joe has been a rule breaker on the rugby pitch amazing I I've been I've been a bloody rule breaker as well you know from time to time have you? yeah I can't think of a specific occasion but yeah yeah more than Joe's been a rule breaker so you're in a safe space says he

19:55Specs Gonzalez:you crashed your daughter's night out and posted it on TikTok oh yeah of course can you explain beautiful no sorry So that breaks all sort of parenting rules?

20:04Jake Bhardwaj:What parenting? I didn't sign a manual. When I raised my daughter, I didn't sign no manuals or anything. She's 21 years old. She's saying to me, Dad, I'm going to this party in Shoreditch. She's with her mates. I'm like, oh, I'll come. She's like, no, you ain't got a ticket. They start laughing at me. While they want me to drop them there.

20:25Specs Gonzalez:I'm like, cool.

20:26Jake Bhardwaj:So I've dropped them to the party.

20:28Specs Gonzalez:And I'm thinking to myself, there's no rules. I can walk into this party.

20:32Jake Bhardwaj:Why not? So she's gone in. I'm in the car. I get up. I go to the door. Bouncer's like, oh, bro, you got a ticket? I said, no. Oh, it's£20 on the door. I said, I'm not paying. I just want to see what my daughter's doing. All right, cool, go ahead. I walked in. Busy party. And I thought, you know, I know my daughter. She doesn't like being on the dance floor. She's going to be upstairs, like by the bar. So I walked up there, had my phone out straight away, and I saw her with her friends dancing with her boys. So I've gone right up to her, I'm behind her, she's turned around, and she's just thinking I'm just like a normal guy from the club.

21:15Jake Bhardwaj:So she starts dancing with me, she turns back around, turns back and realises me, and everyone scatters. And I was like, amazing, posted on TikTok, no rules. And I wanted to show her as well, that there's no rules I can get in the club. I can walk in anywhere you're going and don't tell me I need a ticket. And if I'm saying to you I can come, just let me come. And did that bring you closer together? Oh no, she's screaming.

21:41Joe Marler:She moved to Dubai.

21:46Joe Marler:No rules, I suppose.

21:48Specs Gonzalez:No rules. No rules. Do you think if she'd have said yeah, dad, you can come you wouldn't have gone? I wouldn't have gone, yeah. No.

22:01Specs Gonzalez:I like it. You also don't have any rules when it comes to your diet, apparently.

22:07Jake Bhardwaj:I eat pasta every day. You carb loading for something? No, I just love pasta.

22:13Joe Marler:Carb loading for life is fucking exhausting. Fuck me. I love pasta. So much to do. I relate to that. I have pasta every day pretty much as well.

22:20Jake Bhardwaj:I like pasta. I like bolognese and I like arrabbiata. That's it.

22:26Specs Gonzalez:Penne arrabbiata.

22:27Jake Bhardwaj:It has to be penne. It can't be spaghetti. I don't like spaghetti. It's too long.

22:30Specs Gonzalez:You don't like spaghetti? Yeah. Spaghetti's too long. Has to be penne.

22:32Jake Bhardwaj:Has to be penne. What about fusilli? Fusilli is that their little... Yeah, the keller. That's cool. Food has to be short. It says you eat Rice Krispies with hot water. Yeah, I don't have no... I don't do milk. You don't do any dairy, do you?

22:44Specs Gonzalez:Rice Krispies with hot water? Yeah.

22:46Jake Bhardwaj:Hot kettle water. And brown sugar. They should have put brown sugar in there.

22:50Specs Gonzalez:What about the carrot sandwich? Oh, I love a carrot sandwich.

22:56Jake Bhardwaj:You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? No, bread. But that's what I'm saying. Show me a manual of food. Show me why I can't have carrots.

23:03Specs Gonzalez:Well, there's actually loads of manuals of food and they tend to be called cookbooks. Oh, well, yeah. I haven't.

23:10Joe Marler:I haven't read them. We've got some of the most popular, well, popular unpopular food combinations. We want to put them to you, see how you rate them. Chips in milkshake. Where's the milkshake? What do you mean where's the milkshake?

23:25Jake Bhardwaj:It's all on the plate, is it on top of the chips?

23:31Joe Marler:Fair play, it's in the paper cup that you've got from any of the popular fast food restaurants.

23:37Jake Bhardwaj:And the chips is in there? You're dipping the chips in? You can dip them.

23:43Jake Bhardwaj:So I can dip them, so I don't have to dip them.

23:45Joe Marler:Well, for this particular bit of the conversation, you're dipping them, yeah. Otherwise then I'm just, yeah.

23:51Jake Bhardwaj:I'll tell you what, I can work with it if they're both not touching. They're going to, for the new nature of the dipping, man, they're going to touch. No, no, no, I'm telling you I need a tiny gap, though. I need a tiny gap. What do you mean they're not touching? They've not dipped. Okay, I'm going to give you an example. In my coffee shop right now, I'm selling beans by toast, not beans on toast for£3.70. That means the beans and toast on the plate are not allowed to touch. so there's a space. Yeah. Which means you can eat one by one. That's me. So if you're saying the chips and the milkshake, I'm not touching, I'll do it.

24:29Jake Bhardwaj:If there needs to be some sort of touching, then that's how I eat my food. There needs to be space here and there. So they can't touch? Sounds like a rule to me. No, but it's not a rule like that. It's what I want. Yeah. I'm not... Okay, rice. Have you ever had rice in your pocket?

24:59Jake Bhardwaj:Aye. Cooked or uncooked? Rice. Cooked. What happened when you put rice in your pocket? I put rice in my pocket. We go... Let's say we've had food and we're going to a bar.

25:10Joe Marler:Yep.

25:11Jake Bhardwaj:I'm at the bar.

25:12Joe Marler:Rice.

25:13Jake Bhardwaj:Eating bits of rice. Fucking... Okay, but...

25:16Joe Marler:That is a recipe for salmonella, that, isn't it? That is E. coli waiting to happen.

25:21Jake Bhardwaj:Why can't I do that? Genuinely. Because you haven't seen it before, right?

25:25Joe Marler:With the rice thing, I think... Rice on a plate is a little behaviour. Because of E. coli, I think you're going to get ill if you keep doing that. I've not got ill, though. How long is the rice in your pocket before you might eat it again?

25:35Jake Bhardwaj:What's the longest? 35 minutes.

25:37Joe Marler:35 minutes? Not even a half. 35 minutes?

25:47Jake Bhardwaj:There's too many rules in this world, man. I remember when I was young, packed lunch. Having a packed lunchbox was a big thing. I used to have a carrier bag. A blue carrier bag. When I'm eating, there's noise. Everyone's laughing and cussing me. There's no rules. Why do I have to have a lunchbox? Because everyone's got a Thomas the Tank Engine lunchbox too.

26:10Joe Marler:That's why my son, I give him a saying to his bag. See, every time you say one that I think makes sense, like that one then you say something like you keep rice in your pocket for 35 minutes but as soon as it doesn't need to make sense to me it makes sense to you

26:23Specs Gonzalez:okay so that was food I think we nailed that

26:28Joe Marler:I sorted that

26:29Specs Gonzalez:talk me through travel I've got a note here from Jake's extensive research yes that he did on you you refuse shock to believe Australia's a real place yeah and that you think people from Australia are actors?

26:49Jake Bhardwaj:I think it's obvious now. There's more kangaroos than human beings. It's a country and a continent. And it's the only country in the world that has animals that are nowhere else in the world. Wild animals. And we're going to just accept this as all real. And this is normal. I'm not having it Genuinely What the fuck? This is what I believe Have you been there?

27:20Specs Gonzalez:Where?

27:20Jake Bhardwaj:Australia Yeah I flew there Did you have a kangaroo burger?

27:27Specs Gonzalez:No

27:30Joe Marler:What does that prove Sorry What does that bit prove? Because you've done that As if you've done That's sort of like A checkmate moment Told you And if he had Had a kangaroo burger I'd anticipate You would have gone Does that sound right to you?

27:42Jake Bhardwaj:Sue? Does that sound... Do you know what a kangaroo is? No, but this is what I'm... Why are you not asking that about any country? So you don't find kangaroos weird? They stand on their tail. I find them weird. Oh, but... They've got a back pocket in the front where they put their kids in their pocket.

27:58Joe Marler:I find a lot of Australian stuff weird. Would you put your kids in your pocket? I would not keep my kids in my pocket, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist.

28:03Specs Gonzalez:Okay, let me ask you this. You can't put your kids in your pocket if it's full of soggy rice.

28:12Specs Gonzalez:This episode is brought to you by Cadbury. Now, Jake, as you know, I've loved working with you. We'd never met before doing this, but you've gone out of your way to make me feel comfortable, warm and cuddly, both professionally and personally.

28:28Joe Marler:But I think you do that for me. I think you do that for so many people. And you've met so many people in your life as well. I just think, I often wonder, have you met someone who's gone above and beyond to be kind or to help you? Oh, to be fair, there's loads.

28:46Specs Gonzalez:Probably one that sticks out, though, will be a woman called Anne. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Tell me about Anne. Now you're interested. I am. She took me in when I was 16. I went and lived with her and her family for my first 12, 18 months when I joined Quinns. She let me become part of her family, basically.

29:06Joe Marler:So without Anne, your sort of story with Harlequins might not have panned out the same way?

29:12Specs Gonzalez:Almost certainly wouldn't have panned out the same way, no. Wow. She was very kind to me, looked after me, kept me well fed.

29:23Specs Gonzalez:And then ended up becoming a really good friend of mine for the rest of my life, and we're still in touch now. So, yeah, she went above and beyond by going, opening up her arms in her house to be like, who's this random little scallywag

29:36Joe Marler:that we're going to let into our home and try and develop into a rugby player. Genuinely, that is beautiful. It's so nice to be able to find those moments of generosity in all sorts of situations. And the wonderful people at Cadbury are all about helping others and encouraging us to go above and beyond, which is why I think we should try and go above and beyond for someone important in our lives. Are you thinking who I'm thinking? I think so.

30:02Specs Gonzalez:On three, let's see if we're thinking the same person. One, two, three.

30:07Joe Marler:Janet. Janet.

30:10Specs Gonzalez:Yeah, let's do something for Janet.

30:12Joe Marler:I think let's take her for a day out at the fair.

30:14Specs Gonzalez:You want to take her to a fun fair? Mm. Oh, that's sweet.

30:18Joe Marler:It's the most fun thing I could think of.

30:19Specs Gonzalez:A nice day out. Maybe a bit of chocky-wocky.

30:22Joe Marler:Yeah, why not? Because as the folks at Cadbury say, there is a glass and a half in everyone. Beautiful.

30:31Specs Gonzalez:Let's move on to your rule-breaking in friendships. Mm-hmm. Seeing as, Jake, you brought up me and you being friends. you've got a big love for rule breaking in friendships because even your friends don't know when you're telling the truth is there a video of you breaking down in tears leaving your friends concerned but it was all a lie yeah what was that that was my best

30:56Jake Bhardwaj:that was actually my best lie

30:57Specs Gonzalez:that was your best lie yeah and what was it

30:59Jake Bhardwaj:I was on a reality show called Inside the Netflix one the Netflix one Sidemen Sidemen and basically there was this like thing where you go into the temptation room and i went down to the temptation room and then i came upon i thought i need to make a massive lie here so i pretended that um my uh parents uh who passed away years ago have just come back and i cried and i told them and they were like what the and basically yeah that's what it was i lost my mom when i was 10 I lost my dad a couple of years ago, so I was obsessed. And I believe in my mind, obviously there's no rules, that I'm going to catch one of them on the train soon.

31:51Jake Bhardwaj:Sorry, I know, but that's just in my mind. It's going to happen. Wow. One of them is fake to death.

31:59Joe Marler:If you were to pick which one it's more likely to be?

32:01Jake Bhardwaj:I'd probably say my mum. My mum used to lie, man. Is that where you got it from? Yeah, I think it was my mum. But she's hit for a long time. But I'm going to catch her. Elizabeth Lyon.

32:14Joe Marler:I'm so sorry to ask this, but if your dad was going to be on one of the underground lines, which would it be? Because honestly, you saying that your mum was going to be on the Elizabeth Lyon just tells me everything I need to know about what your mum was like.

32:27Jake Bhardwaj:I reckon my dad would be on like a Thameslink or something.

32:35Joe Marler:So as part of our psychological examination, we like to do a few psychological exercises, specs. We've been exploring your relationship with rules. We've established, I think, that your instinct isn't always to follow them. We've put together a little test. I just want to see these common rules, what you make of them, whether they should be rules, whether they should just get in the bin so standing on the right hand side of an escalator i think you should be able to stand

32:59Jake Bhardwaj:anyway like people going down escalators we should go in a zigzag that's chaos but just like in terms

33:06Specs Gonzalez:of efficiency it's good to have one side like blocked and one side clear so people that are in a rush to get the tube you can go the other people that are chilling you're chilling so it's

33:16Jake Bhardwaj:accommodating everyone i mean i could i couldn't give a damn who's in a rush or not if i'm not in rush who cares why am i why am i making way for someone else to rush what are you watching for

33:26Joe Marler:next one uh taking your shoes off when you go in someone's house when you come to my house your

33:30Jake Bhardwaj:shoes have to be outside i don't care if even if it's raining if your shoes get wet that's your business but when you step in my house you have to have socks on no shoes in my house don't like bare feet i don't mind bare feet no so the sock is the barrier between the foot and the shoes i mean

33:44Joe Marler:that's the perfect invention for this sort of thing what about you jake do you let people Shoes off, man. Shoes off in your house?

33:49Jake Bhardwaj:Yeah, it's my house. It's my home.

33:51Specs Gonzalez:You've been walking around in the piss and the shit

33:54Joe Marler:and the rain and the heroin needles and the chicken wings and there's all sorts of shit on the floor.

33:59Specs Gonzalez:Yeah, but the heroin needle isn't still stuck in your shoe.

34:02Joe Marler:You don't know what's stuck in your shoe, mate. You have no idea what's stuck in your shoe.

34:04Jake Bhardwaj:It's the pollution of the heroin needle. Yeah, it's all sorts of stuff, mate. Yeah.

34:08Specs Gonzalez:Okay, but then you're taking a gamble that the person you've invited around and you've insisted on them taking their shoe off has got good foot hygiene. Joe, Joe, stop.

34:17Joe Marler:Socks, mate. Ever heard of him? The sock is the barrier between the shoe and the foot, and it always has been and always will. And I mean that. I went to my boys' house every day,

34:25Jake Bhardwaj:and he had his shoes on the bed.

34:27Specs Gonzalez:Oh, my gosh! You can't do that, nah.

34:30Jake Bhardwaj:What? On the bed? Can't trust you with nothing, bro. I draw the line at that. That's somebody that will take your money. Sorry, more rules. Eating in bed? Never. Can't have crumbs in bed. No way.

34:40Specs Gonzalez:You're like, no, no, what is he? Okay, so you can eat in bed, as long as there's no crumbs.

34:47Jake Bhardwaj:Yeah.

34:47Specs Gonzalez:I tell you what, if me and you're in bed together, and I'm eating 12 bags of Skips, I promise you and I can assure you, there won't be a single crumb in that bed.

34:56Jake Bhardwaj:Do you know what? Skips is actually... You know why? Because Skips dissolves in your mouth. I don't mind Skips, but you can't have... Quavers. Wotsits. Oh, Wotsits, that's chaos in there. Burritos.

35:09Joe Marler:Yeah.

35:09Jake Bhardwaj:Scampi fries. Scampi fries. You can have chip sticks.

35:13Specs Gonzalez:All the salt and vinegar chip sticks. Yeah, you can have that.

35:15Joe Marler:Pretending to say that someone's baby is cute even though you know that it's ugly baby. Nah.

35:20Specs Gonzalez:I can't imagine. I reckon you say it how it is.

35:22Joe Marler:Or do you think you should just say it how it is, your baby's ugly?

35:25Jake Bhardwaj:I've got a take about babies. I think all white babies have got big heads. Yeah. Do you agree? Yeah, I agree. So I'll say that. All my white friends, I'm like, well, your baby's head looks like a flipping... Yeah. ...Laurie ball. And I think what happens is with other race babies, it's the hair that covers the size. Did you get it?

35:46Joe Marler:Why babies don't get hair for a long time? They don't get hair for a long time, so their head just shows. A long time.

35:50Jake Bhardwaj:I'm just seeing bare head, that's why I don't carry them. I don't carry them because I want my shoulders up, you know what I mean? I don't carry them bro.

35:58Specs Gonzalez:I'm not going down with every baby's cute. Like I would probably say to my friends that have babies, oh he's a bit weird looking, isn't he? Yeah, of course. Because most babies are minging.

36:11Jake Bhardwaj:I mean, KSI for example, I saw his baby picture and nothing's changed till now. He's one of the ugliest guys I know. So sometimes your baby face just tells your story. What KSI knows is a baby? It's... I thought Deji was sitting on his face.

36:33Specs Gonzalez:Seems like a somewhat unprovoked attack.

36:38Specs Gonzalez:But there's no rules, I guess. Jake mentioned earlier that he sees a lot of similarities in us and I felt myself as in I should say that quicker I felt myself feeling the same sitting here listening to you like you really enjoy being the opposite guy quite openly awkward saying whatever you want saying stuff that is just doesn't fit the bill that doesn't make sense or randomly think and i love it because i used to do it all the time um but i think that i try and work out why i used to be like that and over time i was like it's because i was too scared to actually dedicate myself to being good at being good like trying to be good at in the fear that if i went and tried to be good at it i'd fail and it wouldn't work and that'd be whereas i could control the narrative if i went i chose to be disruptive i chose to make other people shit so like all jokes aside i was like i did that out of fear of not actually being able to do it and there's part of me that goes oh i wish i maybe leaned into that a little bit more and tried a bit harder.

38:04Specs Gonzalez:But I then also sit there going, fuck, I did a lot of things my way and I really enjoyed it. It was great fun.

38:10Jake Bhardwaj:I think that's the key for me is the fun part. I'll give you an example. My friend had an all-white party the other day and I walked up in red, right? And everyone's looking at me like, bruv, it's white. And I'm just like, do you know what? It doesn't matter if it's white or red. It doesn't matter.

38:26Specs Gonzalez:No.

38:27Jake Bhardwaj:everyone is wearing white because my boy said so and he wanted to have this white party but it's not that deep and for me it's fun me going in red because it's more fun for me and that's that's my thing

38:39Specs Gonzalez:was there anything like

38:44Specs Gonzalez:maybe I I grew up in quite like a strict household where it was like showered out a lot like you don't do out of the norm you're seen but not heard sort of vibe like is that the sort I know you said and I still can't work out were you being serious your mum died when you were 10 my mum died when I was 10 and your dad died recently a few years ago a few years ago yeah was it a strict upbringing that you then developed into I'm always going to push back against the grain no

39:17Jake Bhardwaj:I was quite spoiled my mum had nine sisters so they were like he just lost his mum let's just make him like live So I was, there was, I wasn't like, obviously I had structure, like cultural structure, but I was given a lot of freedom to do what I want kind of thing, which I feel like plays a big part in this. And also, I, there's a lot of things that's happened in my life that people will say is sad. And I've chose to kind of like be like, you know, who cares? That's why now I'm proper, I don't care.

39:50Specs Gonzalez:So when you sit there and like, I've had so much fun with you, fucking brilliant. but when you sit there and you talk about your mum dying when you were 10 and you make a joke you're not making a joke of her dying but you make a joke of it around it is that your way of coping with it or dealing with it or have you not dealt with that have you not processed it or have you processed it

40:14Jake Bhardwaj:so you're in a position where you go

40:15Specs Gonzalez:I can say what I want I think

40:17Jake Bhardwaj:there's times where I remember like Mother's Day and stuff I used to be sad like when I was younger and then I was like hold on Everyone I know that's lost someone is sad. This is love behaviour. If I came into a world where everyone was celebrating someone's loss, then I wouldn't feel sad. So I started to understand that everything that I'm doing is just a copy of what I'm seeing. So I went with the opposite approach. So now it's like, sad things have happened to me, but I look at it differently. You know?

40:51Specs Gonzalez:you keep mentioned it you've mentioned it a couple of times learnt behaviour yeah is there someone in the world that you look up to that you do enjoy learning behaviour from or respect do you know what I mean like or do you not

41:04Jake Bhardwaj:my biggest idol growing up Harry Enfield that's my he is more important than my parents even though they passed away early Harry Enfield is my I don't know what it is about Harry Enfield but Harry Enfield and Chums I used to watch that show religiously

41:22Specs Gonzalez:I cannot work out for the life of me what if I'm telling the truth yeah everyone says that and well played no the thing is everyone likes Harry Enfield

41:32Joe Marler:I would say everyone likes Harry Enfield but it's rare that someone's like no he's my everything is Harry Enfield he's a goat

41:40Specs Gonzalez:he's a goat I just find it fascinating though Specs Ferdinand that I find it fascinating why you are happy for people to not know when you are joking or not joking, why you find it a useful tool to have people not quite know how to take you or what you say? Because I know why I do it and I'm fascinated as to why you do it. Is it for the same reasons? Because I'm scared that if I put my actual self out there and people are judging my actual self, then they're actually judging me. Whereas if I put a version or if I keep them guessing or if I put this wall up of they never know whether I'm being serious or not, then I'm always in control and I can decide whether I get hurt or not.

42:38I've given you the serious me with jokes,

42:41Jake Bhardwaj:but I'm still giving you the serious me. Everything that I've said to you today is 100 % true. But what I like is the fact that I'm being truthful to you and you still think, hold on, something's not right. That's the part I like. But honestly, I'm being truthful. So basically, my favourite song of all time is Sophie Ellis Baxter, Murder on the Dance Floor. Do you think I'm joking? No, I believe that. Why is it? I couldn't tell you why. But every time I hear that song, I could be anywhere. I'm on the dance floor and I'm dancing from start to finish and the DJ has to break to the end and I told her and we follow each other we're friends when I tell people people think I'm joking

43:20Specs Gonzalez:I'm not denying like what you've said is truthful I accept that what you've said I've been myself to you the whole time the bit I'm fascinated by is why you enjoy and occasionally play up to the part that makes people go I don't know how to take you seriously because you said that's a bit I like

43:38Jake Bhardwaj:because even though

43:38Specs Gonzalez:I've been truthful I've told you the entire truth. Yeah. But I still enjoy the fact that I... Because you've controlled that. You've controlled that. You've made that impression by going, oh, but I like that you don't know how to take me. Yeah, I like that. Why? Why do you like...

43:53Jake Bhardwaj:Because I'm telling you the truth and you don't believe it.

43:56Joe Marler:What's confused me though, Specs, is that a quick Google says, Specs Gonzalez has publicly stated his favourite song is Espresso by Samir de Carpenter.

44:07Joe Marler:We've been talking a lot about rules today. and this is where we're going to put it to the test. There's no rules, man. You've both heard of the game Simon Says, right? The ultimate rules game. Yep. Today, we're going to be taking part in this classic game but you're going to be against each other, taking it in turns to give each other rules, give each other instructions. Joe, if you say, Simon Says, clap your hands, Specs, you've got to clap your hands. But you're going to up the ante until we get to a point where someone says, I can't handle those rules. Joe, would you like to take it away? So I've got to say Simon Says before I say it.

44:37Joe Marler:Simon Says, any rule you want, And then you've got to see if Spex has the bottle to carry that rule out. Simon says, take your glasses off. Okay, starting small. He's done, for the audio listening, he took his glasses off. Spex, you're on. Simon says, rub your tummy and pat your head. Okay. To the audio listener, Joe is rubbing his tummy. At the same time, please, Joe.

45:03Jake Bhardwaj:At the same time, Joe.

45:04Joe Marler:What do you mean?

45:05Jake Bhardwaj:You have to work it out. Both hands. Come on Joe, this is... No, no. No, no, Joe.

45:12Joe Marler:This is sort of... Same time, yeah. Stage one level stuff here. Oh, you can't do it.

45:16Jake Bhardwaj:Yeah, I am. Rub your tummy. Tap. He can't do it.

45:20Joe Marler:Can you actually not do it?

45:21Jake Bhardwaj:Oh, he's doing it now. He's doing it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.

45:24Joe Marler:Okay, Joe, you're back on. Your serve.

45:27Specs Gonzalez:Simon says, blow me a kiss.

45:31Joe Marler:Beautiful, okay.

45:33Jake Bhardwaj:Oh, you've got nice breath. Thank you, man. Simon says kiss my forehead What?

45:38Joe Marler:There we go Now we're in Okay Joe Where are we going now?

45:47Specs Gonzalez:Simon says Tell me what you really think about Jake I think Jake is a genuine

45:56Jake Bhardwaj:Good looking man That I'm going to follow on Facebook tonight

45:59Specs Gonzalez:Not any other social media platforms? Just Facebook? It'd be great if I could get the Instagram follow I think Facebook

46:03Jake Bhardwaj:He's a Facebook friend I can tell

46:05Joe Marler:Instagram would be great if you can, but yeah. Facebook. Facebook.

46:09Jake Bhardwaj:Then it's actually Facebook and Instagram, because it's connected now. Yeah, it'd be nice. Or MySpace.

46:16Jake Bhardwaj:Simon says, tell me, Johnny Wilkinson star sign.

46:25Joe Marler:Is that his name? Oh yeah. This is interesting, because if you get this wrong, you've lost, I suppose. It's a different take on it, isn't it? I got him. Turn it into a quiz. All right. He's a Capricorn.

46:39Jake Bhardwaj:And Simon says you can be wrong.

46:42Joe Marler:He is a...

46:43Jake Bhardwaj:If you get this, this is mental. Gemini. Oh! I said Simon says you can get it wrong.

46:52Specs Gonzalez:Simon says get your left nut out.

46:55Jake Bhardwaj:Do you know what's mad? Do you know what I just realised as well? What? Remember there's no rules? Yeah. I'm wearing pants today. What do you mean, man? You mean you don't usually wear pants?

47:05Specs Gonzalez:No.

47:09Specs Gonzalez:Simon says you don't need to get your left out.

47:10Joe Marler:And that's the game over, everybody! That's the game over!

47:14Specs Gonzalez:Simon's what? That is the game over. I'm wearing pants. Yeah, no, I got the pants. No, I'm wearing pants. No, I know the pants. I'm wearing pants. No, no, I know. No, Simon says you didn't have to get your left out.

47:26Joe Marler:Simon says put the left knot away!

47:34Specs Gonzalez:That is, unfortunately for me, and I think Jake, the end of our session today. Thank you, man. How have you found it?

47:44Jake Bhardwaj:I love this. This is amazing. I've watched it. So, yeah, man, this is my kind of podcast.

47:51Specs Gonzalez:Will you be taking any lessons away from today? Have we been able to impart any sort of structure and rules or takeaways at all?

48:04Jake Bhardwaj:In terms of rules, I think I'm still going to stick with the no rules. I think you should as well. I mean, it's sort of your brand, isn't it? It'd be quite weird if you didn't do like a 360. But I think I'm going to get you two to come on my podcast and I think I've got to get you lot back.

48:20Specs Gonzalez:Get us back? Yeah. There's been... That implies that we've stitched you up somehow or we've done something to you.

48:27Jake Bhardwaj:I mean, you nearly broke the no rules code. So... The left nut? No. I would have bought my left nut, of course. It was the rules and preference part.

48:41Joe Marler:Yeah, that was very territory for you there. I could see you were like, hang on a minute. My whole world view is collapsing.

48:48Specs Gonzalez:The baked beans and the toast? Yeah, because that was a preference. That was interesting. That was fascinating. I'll give you a lot back, man. Fine. Before you go, we always give our client a badge. before they leave. Oh, thank you, man. Jake, you know, you're the master behind the badge inspiration. What are we going for? Yeah, we have gone with Respects the Rules.

49:12Joe Marler:Oh. Good. Good, that is good.

49:16Specs Gonzalez:Really, you're really pleased with that, aren't you?

49:19Joe Marler:I'm wearing that all day, man. That's for you, Specs. Thank you, man. Pleasure to meet you. Pleasure to meet you too, bro.

49:26Specs Gonzalez:We've restocked these, haven't we?

49:28Joe Marler:Yeah.

49:29Jake Bhardwaj:Yeah, you must get a lollipop as well, yeah, Becs. Thank you, man.

49:31Specs Gonzalez:Usually I say to all the clients, bugger off then. Thank you so much. And we do a big round of applause and a shout. I've really, really enjoyed you. Thank you. I think you're brilliant. Thank you very much. The way I haven't really been able to work out how it works, but there was a lot of things that resonated with me. Appreciate it, man.

49:55Jake Bhardwaj:Thank you so much. Thank you, man. Keep doing you because you will anyway.

49:59Specs Gonzalez:There's no rules. Just don't give a fuck. Spex Gonzalez, everybody.

50:05Jake Bhardwaj:Thank you, Joel.

50:05Specs Gonzalez:Please leave immediately, if not sooner. Janet, we'll see you out. Yeah, take your shoes off of you. All right, no, okay. It was quite a short clap now, and you made it weird.

50:18Jake Bhardwaj:Spex Gonzalez, everybody. Yes.

50:21Specs Gonzalez:Great work. If you want to join the doctor's waiting list, then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at will see you now show. Remember, I am not a real doctor, obviously. And if you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I have, of course, been Joe Marler. You've been... Jake.

50:45Joe Marler:Just the first name. Yeah, for now. I've been Jake Barbage. Okay, that was quite quick from for now to... I just realised I had an opportunity and I thought, let's grab it. You don't get that out very often.

50:55Specs Gonzalez:And this has been Joe Marler. We'll see you now. and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye.