Stephen Fry: From Prison to the Palace… and Joe’s Law-Breaking Plan

25:06Wow. And then it was on late afternoon by this time. And I thought, whoa. And I passed another cinema. and there was a Clockwork Orange was on. So I went to see that. And I stayed in love. You've gone from Cabaret to Clockwork Orange. Yeah. And I saw Fritz the Cat and The Godfather and all these films that were on. And I was 14 and 15. I think I might have been just 15 at this point. And anyway, so it was four days later that I got back to the school and the police had been called and my parents were called. They didn't know what had happened to me. You just fucked off to the cinema for four days.

25:42Where were you sleeping? I went back to the same hotel, but they didn't know what hotel it was. They couldn't remember what the name of the hotel was. They just knew that I'd been booked into a hotel. You got expelled for that, or that was your expulsion? It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I had been rusticated, as they called it, suspended, if you like. That had happened to me. And this time, it was just too much. They just said, I think the time has come for the parting of the ways. and then I was sent to a college, NORCAT, the Norfolk College of Arts and Technology in Kings Lynn.

26:17And I sort of ran away from there. I went to London and I stole some credit cards. So this is when you ended up going... And then eventually was arrested and sent... That's quite a big jump. You've gone from suspension, expulsion to prison. It's the standard leap down or up, whichever way you want to call it, of a child. you know, spare the rod, spoil the child, like the Aesop's fable. Start off by, you know, pinching a Brussels sprout from a market stall, and before long you're jemming open a window and coming out with a haul of silver from the rich man's house. So you end up in prison? Yes. How long for?

26:54Well, I wasn't sentenced. I wasn't given a prison sentence. I pleaded guilty, but the paperwork was such that I was wanted in six counties. Oh, my God. Because I'd been all over the place spending these credit cards. and the prosecution asked for time. So I had pleaded guilty by this point. So I was a con. When I originally arrived, I hadn't pleaded. And so I was in a brown uniform. I was a non-con and I could just sit in my cell all day and didn't have to do anything. But then after about two weeks, when they asked for more time, he said, you can now plead. And if you do plead, any time that you stay in custody, because I didn't want bail because I didn't want to put my parents through the misery of not having to be sure whether I'd run away again.

27:42It could count as a custodial sentence in case you get sentenced. So you know what I mean? It would count as time served. So I said, okay, I'll plead guilty. And so that means you arrive at the prison. This time I was stripped of my brown uniform but on a gray uniform. I was then a con and had to work in the prison. And we were painting toy soldiers. and then I got the really lush job of polishing the corridor with one of those round and round and round polishing machines. Did you get yourself a nickname? The Professor. He called me The Professor because I was this, as I am now, this figure who just goes on and I'm talking stuff.

28:22I think you've done all right in terms of nicknames, prisoner nicknames, The Professor. Yeah. It's a good balance of scary and actually, It's a fuckboy, isn't it? Let's be honest. I mean, you're going to have one.

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29:27Giacomo. style and brands for every man. Yeah, it could have made it rhyme. It was one sort of bar, really, of it to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you make, do you put a lot of, let me rephrase that. Do you feel like it takes a lot of effort for you to look good or do you think you have a system now where it's like, right, depending on the situation, bang, I know exactly what combination of stuff to go for? Yeah, it's more the latter, the bang. The latter, the bang, yeah, yeah, yeah. The latter bank. Once you've been around the block, you're like, okay. It's the latter bank. School run, I know what I need for this.

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32:25Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? Ugh, I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. So you've shed some light on your naughty childhood that you took to quite the extreme by going to prison. The prison thing made me absolutely concentrate on the fact that if I left even six months, it would be too late for me to get the exams and to do the entrance to the university that I wanted to go to.

33:14And so when I was let out of prison, they gave me two years probation. I immediately sorted myself out and did the exams and got a scholarship to Cambridge and then everything seemed to fall into place I met Hugh Laurie and Emma Thompson and we started doing these comedy things together and the BBC then wanted to do it and then we got a TV series and then Blackadder happened and then suddenly everything was open to me it was the most unbelievable luck and wonderful thing but I did still have the naughty seed in me because as I sort of mentioned this drug thing. But I mean, you know, which I can excuse.

33:50I can say no, it's because I had a mental illness and so on. And there is a truth in it. If you have bipolar disorder, you have these mood changes. If you're not being diagnosed, you don't know that it's a kind of illness, you just think, how am I going to poke myself up? And the only thing you can think of is someone has told you, have you tried chopping this thing up and putting it up your nose because it makes you kind of bounce and you don't, It certainly gets rid of depression and thirst, you know, and alcohol because cocaine causes you to be able somehow to scull more vodka than is conceivable.

34:25I'm interested in how there was a reassuring, hmm, was that audible? I thought I was just watching TV and going, well, that's bloody well true, yeah. But whenever I stopped, the mood was worse. So it didn't help. And eventually I had to face that. I had to come face to face with the fact that, you know, this trying to affect your mind with drugs or alcohol or anything of that kind is not the answer. So I sought help after a sort of crisis of leaving a play I was in and ran away. So, you know, there's obviously a serious side to all that. But I would say that, yes, I shouldn't have taken the drugs and they are stupid.

35:06and for all kinds of reasons, what they do to the infrastructure of workers in Colombia all the way through the supply chain of crime and murder and so on is horrific alone. Plus the fact that it's bad for you and it's just not a sensible thing to be on. On the other hand, there are moments I had, evenings I had, all-nighters playing poker with friends that I don't regret. And I did have, you know, I had a lot of friends who saw it as my dark side and stuff. what are you doing? A lot of interventions. A few people came and tried to, you know, say Stephen Stopp. John Cleese and Emma Thompson both had a go, I remember.

35:47And yet that naughty little particle inside me was kind of part of that experience, not the whole story. So when that stopped, I sort of sometimes, it's not exactly triggered, but I'll see a film or a TV drama where someone's, you know, partying, and I'll think, oh, oh, I missed that. And I'll go, no, you don't, Stephen. Oh, do I? I don't know. It's the awful thing. It's not that you can't do it, it's that you don't want to. I don't want to live a life of that. I actually enjoy going to bed early. This is what's going to make the next bit a little bit tricky after that then, because my job today is to make you a little bit naughty.

36:33And I actually want to bring you back into criminality a little bit. Jake, have you got any ideas? It would be nice to sort of ease back into committing a crime. I don't think... I think too crazy. Well, not violent crime. Is it for my gain, not like, say, break a window of a nasty fossil fuel company? No, no, no. It's for you. It's for you. It's got to be for me, isn't it? Yeah, a little bit of naughtiness to give you that little spike. I think something that uses your wit and intelligence. identity fraud feels quite a doable thing whose identity can he take well it's got to be yours isn't it you're taking the piss it's got to be your get your phone out pardon get your phone out and let's see I think you're misunderstanding the working relationship here well we're here now and we're going for it are you on Instagram or any of those things I know you're on fuck off I know you're on WhatsApp we share that you know ex-traitors group yes we do Joe actually just hit 1 million followers on Instagram.

37:35Thank you very much. Yeah, really appreciate it. Bless. What am I doing with my phone? Well, I wonder, I wonder. You can take it. Yeah, you're both on that Traitors WhatsApp group, aren't you? Fuck off. What if Stephen tries to pretend to be you and sees if he can get away with it? That could be quite fun. No. Yes, come on, give it to me. Sorry, that wasn't on my bingo card. Yes, give it to me. Okay, fine. Well, hang on, the speed. You haven't even given me a heads up. What's going on here? Well, no, if you know. I can't tell you how nervous I am. Oh, it's something you probably want to do anyway, so it's not really a bad thing.

38:13On that group, I'm not sure. I'm not a leader on that, mate. I am not one of the big dogs. Is it quite an active group, that group? This is what you are now... When I press the green... My dears, I'm considering an OnlyFans site. I haven't told you this, but I love to flash my junk. Is this a stupid idea? Send. So, Joe, just to recap, who's on that group? There's Alan Carr and Claudia Winkleman and Celia and everyone, all the traitors. I'm not sure how this is identity theft. I've done it as you. What the fuck am I going to do from the back of that, mate? Usually it's just... You ask me to be naughty.

38:59Yes, I know. I know this is meant to... Oh, it's far better than anything we could have planned. My usual is just chiming in every so often when people, you know, wishing people the best in their latest project or something, or doing a little gif or a little reaction. Well, this is your latest project, Joe. You're lovely OnlyFans. No, Celia's on there. Well, I think she'll approve. She'll say, go for it, Joe. It is actually a really supportive group on there. It is. I'm not entirely sure that is what I was looking for in that, but do you feel a bit naughty off the back of that? I do. I think we all felt the thrill.

39:37That was exhilarating stuff. That was the least naughty idea I had in my head.

39:44Sure.

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41:31Let's talk about how far you've come now. Sir Stephen Fry, I know we've talked about how uncomfortable you are, the classic British thing, but it's deserving. No, it is. Well, you accept it and that's what it is. Do you get to keep the sword that he... Certainly not. You get a nice medal. Not any sword? No blade? No blade. No bow? Leave your weapons here. No, no spurs. No, no armour. Oh, okay. It's a decent sort, actually. Is there like an after-party in the palace? Individuals hold them. I held one at the Goring Hotel because friends of mine who'd been nighted before me had done it, and I thought, oh, that's clearly the thing to do.

42:09So like Johnny Ive. So you throw your own party? Yeah. Like if someone gets a hole in one on a golf course, they have to go in and buy everyone around. Basically, that's it, yeah. Wild. On your driver's licence, are you a sir? No, I haven't changed anything like that. But is there an option? You know, if you're filling out a questionnaire, at the start it always goes, what's your title? It's Mr., Mrs., Ms., Doctor. Usually they don't have Sir there, do they? They might have other. Do you get a discount? What are the actual perks? Is it like a concession you get? No, I don't think there are any perks, to be honest.

42:48People in some restaurants very much want to say it all the time. Sir Stephen and Sir Stephen. You wouldn't have been saying Mr Fry, Mr Fry, Mr Fry as much. Is it true you're actually friends with the king? Well, I mean, friends is a strong word, but I've known him for decades and I'm always very pleased to see him and he's kind to me and invites me to some things. Have you ever played paintball with him? I've never played paintball with him. Hide and seek in the palace? At Sandingham, I've been a guest many times very kindly. He's invited me. And sometimes I remember, you know, there are occasions when you would have, like, his artistic weekends with Tom Stoppard and Barry Humphreys.

43:39And we'd all do a party piece. We'd all, you know, do a reading or something. I honestly thought you were going to say, yes, we all played hide and seek. No, we didn't play hide and seek. No, he's a very friendly, warm, kindly person. Is he warm enough that you've exchanged friendship bracelets? No. No? I was thinking, I had some bracelets made over Christmas to give some friends, which were twisted leather with a little silver plaque on it that had T-F-I-O carved on them. Thank fuck I'm old. Good. And you didn't send one to him? No, I didn't. That would not. But there's a chance. Quite right.

44:18So, okay, no pillow fights. No, exactly. And definitely no tickle fights. No tickle fights. So not really that close a friend. No, exactly. And I never claimed I was. No, no, that was just an exploration of it. It's fine.

44:36Shall we check out if we've had anything? Right. Okay. Do you offer a free magnifying glass to your subscribers? Who's that? Who's that? Joe Wilkinson? No, who was that? No, it was the bad big dog. Oh, Jonathan, of course. JR. Of course it was. What I cannot get, for fuck's sake, there's more and more people reading it. Oh, Mark's just read it. Mark's typing. Oh, fuck. Charlotte's typing. Whoa! Oh, you're a twat. You have made... I am what you have made me. You know, I had very little respect on that group in the fucking first place. Oh, no, no. I was clinging on for dear life. And then now, what have you done, Jake?

45:25This is horseshit. You can't de-naughty me. Oh, God, how's that turned around? That was your naughty streak. You're far more in charge of yourself and your self-image than being concerned about that. Even if I turn around and tell the truth, I don't think a lot of them will believe in it. I actually think a lot of that group are going to go... And I'm in the group and I can always deny it. And do we think that your word holds more weight than mine? Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Yes, yes. Okay, that's fine. I can tell by your face and that little cheeky smirk. It's back. The imp is back. The imp is back.

46:06So we have sort of succeeded. You've done it for me. I didn't know you had it in you. I thought your only psychological gift was to say the word hundy a lot of times and say big dog a few times as well. There's more to you than that. Not sure how to take that in exchange. But thank you. It's both a compliment and an insult. Yeah, I think it was more of the latter. Yes. That is the end of our session today. Hooray. Thank you, Doctor. No, you are most welcome. For every client that we have through these doors, we offer a woe-wee pop. Oh, thank you. I'm going to have a red one. Oh, God. And now I'm going to have a purple one.

46:43Oh, a purple one. That's yours to take with. Thank you. And we also offer a badge. So you can remember the journey that you've been on in today's session. Jake, what are we thinking for names? We have got... What are we thinking of names for the badge? Well, we were floating between a few. We thought I'm a very naughty boy, still a rascal. Polymath by day, rascal by night.

47:08But I think we have finally settled with I am a very, very naughty boy and that's for you, Sir Stephen. Oh, I like it. I am a very naughty boy. That's terrific. Thank you so much. Look at that. Sir Stephen Fry, everybody. Thank you. Oh, bless you all. Gents, absolute gent. Thank you. Heedle. Heedle. The professor. The professor. The professor. Enough. No, enough. What's the matter? Who's he there? My boy. I think I've gone the right way for a smack body from someone, haven't I? I think you've been a little bit naughty. I have been a bit naughty. I've been a bit naughty. But you know what? Like Stephen said, you've got to enjoy your life.

47:45My icky guy is just sort of being naughty with this guy. Why are you saying it? Why are you saying icky guy? It sounded like my ick for a guy. My ick for a guy is people who can't take themselves too seriously. On that note, I mean, he's gone, but surely the replies have kept coming in. Okay, great. And now you want to, bear in mind this was your idea. Yeah, go on. Even though the client, Sir Stephen Fry, was meant to get in touch with his naughty side, I didn't think he'd go, yeah, let's sabotage my boss. Who's replied? Who's replied? So JR's come in. Right, brilliant. Right, Joe Wilkinson's then chimed in.

48:22I genuinely think you'd make a few quid. Hmm. Interesting. Stephen's quite quick on the group. Stephen's just left the door. Stephen's just out the door now. I see. Interesting. Before I've been able to explain the situation of what's gone on, he's gone, superb idea. I'd subscribe and pay top dollar.

48:44Stephen's gone, I can picture it in surprising detail. Joe Wilkinson, ditto to that.

48:54He's completely shafted me. I'm going to have to formulate some sort of plan to get out of this, because Stephen, I can just sense, the imp in him, which we made him rediscover, is going to really run with this. If you want to join the Doctor's Waiting List, please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram, at we'll see you now show. Remember, unless it's not clear enough already, I'm not a real doctor. If you need any professional help, you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram. I've been Joe Marla, and this has been Joe Marla Will See You Now, presented by Giacomo.

49:35I'll see you next time. Bye-bye. On September 25th... No one's coming for us. It's just you and me, boy. 58 miles. Part of the Beast is the must-see adventure of the year. An incredible story of survival. I got you. One of the most extraordinary on-screen bonds you'll ever see. Only the greatest dog to ever walk the earth. Order! Brad Pitt. I'll get you home. Heart of the Beast. Colleen Theater, September 25th. Ready PG-13. Maybe inappropriate for children under 13. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress.

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