Tom Read Wilson Has Joe Marler Lost for Words

21:20Joe Marler:You are legendary with your words. If I say, oh, hello, Tom, you look lovely today. What a lovely shirt and necklace you have on. It's gorgeous. You look fantastic. And your eyebrows are so well-groomed. I just have perfect teeth. And what a lovely smile. I don't think I've ever seen you not smile. But you can see all the words I use are very basic and normal. Oh, gosh. Well, I wasn't preoccupied with your lexicon there. I was preoccupied with content. Why have you learned all these other words to make it? Well, I was very lucky with both my parents because my mum is a linguist. She teaches French and she speaks French like a native.

22:09It's just extraordinary. And my dad, he would do, when we were very small, he would do etymological wrestles. I remember at Christmas time going past a beautiful shop window display and he said, look at that wonderful window display. Window, van der Alge from the Dutch, the wind's eye. Nothing to do with glass, all to do with the breeze hopping in and out of the holes in buildings. And I thought, that's magical. There's a story in that tiny two-syllable word. There's a story buried. And then the other thing he does is what I call the dance of the synonyms. And, you know, I'll see him for lunch and he'll say, Sonny Jim, this was lovely, but all too fleeting, transient, short-lived, ephemeral.

23:00and I love that sort of feeling of, oh no, I haven't quite got the one that tastes right yet. You know, it's a very physical thing, I think, for both of us. Yeah.

23:16I like to masticate on words.

23:18Joe Marler:Couldn't help yourself, could you? I could.

23:23Joe Marler:Right, Jo, I'm sorry to do this, but I'm going to have to interrupt the episode for just one second, okay? I've been sort of keeping a secret from you for a little while and I want to come clean. Right. So our sponsor, Cadbury. My favourite chocolate in the whole wide world. That's lucky. They encourage people to be kind. They encourage people to be generous to each other. And I wanted to extend that sentiment to you. So our listeners will know from this show that you're not necessarily very good at acknowledging how great of a person you are and how much of an impact you have on people's lives.

24:00Joe Marler:So, I wanted to show you it firsthand. What? We did a call out on the podcast Instagram. We got, honestly, so many letters of gratitude from our podcast family saying thank you to you for being you. And I've got one here with the Cadbury seal of approval as well. I'm going to hand you the letter now, all right? This is genuine. This is a real letter from one of our listeners. Round of applause for Joe, everybody.

24:32Joe Marler:there's a glass and a half in everyone that is a lovely seal of approval that that's really nice okay i don't know what to do with this really read it to joe you've been a hero of mine for years being an absolute unit on the rugby pitch and one of the most charismatic entertaining players to ever don the quarters then seeing you on the traitors and your rise to doctorhood has been such a joyful journey. Your honesty about experiences and mental health is so inspiring to a man who has also had hardships and felt uncertain how to process them. I can only hope you come to realise just how great you are and how worthy you are of being and accepting that you are loved.

25:15Joe Marler:Hearing you speak of imposter syndrome and your tendency to shy away from letting people in is such a breath of fresh air. but you definitely need to learn to accept the praise you get for being an absolute legend that was nice wasn't it very nice it's a very powerful thing when someone takes the time to be generous with their words generous with their time which ryan thank you ryan did in spade thank you ryan it's really kind of you actually to go out your way and and write that and it is nice and lovely of you to do that does it inspire you to maybe want to go out there and be generous with your words, tell people how you feel about them.

25:53Joe Marler:Oh, definitely. I think that's so important and we don't do it enough. We're so quick and fast to pick holes in people and point out the deficiencies in them. But no, that's lovely. I just remind you that there is generosity everywhere. I guess you just got to be a little bit more open to receiving it. I couldn't agree more. Thank you, Ryan, for sending that in. Cadbury, there's a glass and a half in everyone.

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27:53Joe Marler:You talked about, I think you've said it several times, that you feel like you're from a different era. I'm totally in a different era. You're like, I was born in the wrong era. I should have been born a few hundred years earlier. I need to have felt the place. but that baffles me sometimes because the misery that traditionally but you agree with me on this don't you like british people especially years ago like you wouldn't have fitted in then do you know i mean with all this joy and happiness and love and well i think it's that i think it's the arts that i cleave to from from other times but then i suppose that they were kind of always progressive.

28:34And they also were a sucker and a balm and a tonic to me when I was small. And I think that's why my identity is slightly anachronistic, because I mean, I fell in love with things that people my vintage at the time would not really typically fall in love with. I mean, I had the most curious part. My granny gave me a stack of LPs from the early musicals, including My Fair Lady. And I remember being dazzled by Rex Harrison, which led me to the film version of Blythe Spirit, which led me to No Coward, which led me to Brief Encounter. And this was all before I was 13. And the stuff that I devoured was not fodder for a 12-year-old person, really.

29:34But I was obsessed with it. I was obsessed. And I got lost in that time. And I got lost in the sort of... In the way films were made in such a way that it looked like an oil painting that was still wet. If you watch Brief Encounter, you feel like you could almost climb into it.

29:56Joe Marler:You know, it's extraordinary. All that seems to have influenced you massively for then the rest of your life. Oh, hugely so. Do you then sometimes feel that you're living a constant performance or a constant on mode where you have to, because people expect it from you all the time. Is there ever a moment where you go, fuck, I need to be off? I think... I'm drained here, like, just a moment in the corner and I get to recharge on my own. I think therein would lie the rub, if that were the case, but I think that me is my on-mode, really. I think that, well, you know me. You know me beyond the bells and whistles.

30:47Beyond my office. Yes, beyond your office. And it's very consistent. I think if it weren't, it would be exhausting. But it's funny enough, the question that my family and dearest friends get asked the most is, you know, surely it's not around the clock, but for better or worse, sometimes definitely worse, I think, for people around me. But it is around the clock, sadly. And I love that it is.

31:19Joe Marler:I'm serious. I love because I knew the answer that you were going to say anyway, that it's not like one big act or performance or anything like that. There's parts of us all at times we have to be on a little bit more than we do for certain things. But as you described it, if it was a constant act, it would just be exhausting and you wouldn't, but you're never exhausted. You're never fucking exhausted. No. Well, and also, I think I'm a bit like you insofar as I believe that energy breeds energy. So, you know, you do something that is supposed to be taxing, but you actually feel like you could scale Kilimanjaro afterwards because it's so thrilling.

32:02No. No, you don't? No. No, fine.

32:04Joe Marler:No, I will disagree with you that. I will never be able to scale Kilimanjaro. No. No. Well, you practically are Kilimanjaro. I shall have to scale you.

32:20What do you do when you're on your own? I really love a cryptic crossword. I tried abortively for years to do one. My granny tried to teach me about 17 times. And so I knew vaguely all the rules. And then I was away in Cyprus filming Celebs Go Dating. And I didn't have very much to do. I was just sort of the welcoming committee. and so I had a great book of crosswords and I finished all the straight ones and I thought well maybe I'll try the cryptics and because I was just sort of sitting cogitating for such a long time I finally mastered them and now I'm an addict I do one every day

33:00Joe Marler:For me that thank you for sharing but it doesn't come as it's not like a shock and horror situation I go oh right The name of the cruiser verbalist Yeah, the expert in words is also... A cruciferbalist. A cruciferbalist. Yes. Someone who does crosswords? Yes. Yes. I'm picking up on it now. Yeah. I'm getting it. Is there anything that Tom Reid Wilson does that isn't of the norm that people wouldn't expect? Well, you know I like to pump iron. You are a big iron pumper, yeah. I am. That's one of my favourite poems, actually. I can't remember who wrote it, and I don't actually remember all of it, apart from the end, which is, friends may come and go, but 100 kilos will always be 100 kilos.

33:48Joe Marler:The iron doesn't lie. Oh, I like that. No, I know people, I know everyone in the room might be going, well, what the fuck is he on about? Well, you know where you are with it. And you go, no, it does mean a lot, and it is quite poetic, because it goes, it doesn't lie, it doesn't manipulate, it doesn't backstab, it doesn't break your trust. You know what it is, it tells you what it is, and it's up to you to either lift it or not. What a weird thing to say out loud.

34:23Joe Marler:Tom, we usually end each session with Joe helping the guests with one final exercise, but today it's very clear that you basically need nothing. You need no help with anything, really. You're sort of perfect. You have wowed and dazzled everyone. So what we're going to do instead is I think you're going to potentially help him. Oh, Joe. This is bullshit. Are you familiar with Bergerac? Yes. Cyrano Bergerac. Yes, and wonderful Adrian Lester's playing him now in the play. And he's had this enormous hooter constructed. have you thought about auditioning Lester's got it Lester's got it in the bag no it's a vast prosthesis it's like it's like that so half the size of mine and Joe's it's gargantuan isn't it you look like Nunu from Teletubbies yeah I think it's I think it's because he can sniff things out I see okay so why have you brought up taking inspiration yeah I want you to help Joe find the words to express his love for his wife, Daisy.

35:34Joe Marler:I think it would be amiss not to use this opportunity because you're always looking for the right words, Jo. Are you up for helping him out? Well, I am so ready and willing and hopefully able. Can you describe Daisy to me? What colour's her hair? You've got to know this off the bat, Jo. You've got to know that. You've got to know those facts. She's got blonde hair. What's her eye colour? They're like sunflowers in her eyes. They're like the little black pupil, but around it she's got like these sort of browny type sunflowers in green and it's just... That's amazing. Does she have a scent that you identify with her?

36:24Does she sort of smell floral?

36:26Joe Marler:Mate, she guffs all the time. So it's hard to say that she's plural. A bit more nutty. She's definitely got a lot of nutty. Aery? Nutty scent. Yeah, she's got a nutty scent about her. Okay. Is she witty? She's very funny. Very, very funny. Shitty by the sounds of it. Shitty! Is she... Would you say that she's very clever? She's strong. Woohoo! She - Well, I think, if you're a wizard, you have to be clever. She would agree with me in that she is not academically motivated. But very intuitive, perhaps. But her emotional - Less smarts, more farts. Very emotionally intelligent. Jake, I'm not helping.

37:18Sorry. You grow up, you piece of flint.

37:23Joe Marler:Her emotional intelligence is through the roof. Her ability to love is also just undying. Oh, that is wonderful. I love her with every part of me. She is just the loveliest person I've ever come across. The mother she is to our kids is... I don't know she's just another she knows everything she knows all the answers she's so calming she's got so much love in her heart she loves everything her love for animals is as strong as it is for humans and I'm like how the fuck is your heart that big that you can give all this away to everyone else and

38:21oh this is wonderful Well, there's oodles here, Joe.

38:27Joe Marler:Right, I think I would like to hear what this nib has done. Tom, what have you got down? Well, I'm ready to impart. Daisy. Like the flower, your petals unfurl to greet the day. And in so doing, you make mine. You even my tempo, still my heart. I even like your nutty. Your intuition is so big, I can feel it when I have a cerebellum dig. And those eyes, sunflowers that diffuse into emerald, apposite since you are a gem. In conclusion, now don't turn rouge, how the fuck is your heart so huge? Wow.

39:22Oh. Ooh, I'm writing my nest.

39:26Joe Marler:I just nest in there. I'm just... It's a very substantial nest, isn't it? It's really...

39:37Joe Marler:So, for the audio listener, Joe, from nowhere, has started calling his wife.

39:45You have to read it. Can you read it?

39:49Joe Marler:Okay. Magwam. Hi. Where are you? Where are you two? Uh, M &S. Okay. You got a second? Uh, yeah. I would like to read you... I would like to read something to you, please. Okay. Okay. Okay. Daisy, like the flower, your petals unfurl to greet the day. And in so doing, you make mice mine. You even my tempo and still my heart. I even like your mutty... Nutty. Nutty fart. Don't say it, though. Your intuition is so big, I feel it when I have a cerebellum dig. Cerebellum dig. And those eyes, boy, don't get me started. Sunflowers that diffuse into emerald. Appetite. Appetite. Appa-what? Appetite. Appetite.

41:00Yes.

41:00Joe Marler:Since you are the conclusion. What? Concoction. Since you are. Since you are the conco... You're all right? Since... Since you are a gem, in conclusion, now, don't... Don't turn rouge. Hey, in conclusion, don't turn rouge. But how the fuck is your heart so huge?

41:29That, that, GBT.

41:33Joe Marler:What? What? That was not ChatGPT. Chatty, I doubt you. Good. Really good. You should cut on that. That should be kind. That was my lovely friend Tom. He helped me write a sonnet for you. That was beautiful. Thank you. Do you feel that or not? There's lots of big words in there for you. Love you. Bye-bye. Love you. Oh, she is an angel on terra firma. on solid ground. I'll be getting some tonight, I think. I think so too.

42:15Tom,

42:18Joe Marler:usually this is the point at which we do some sort of prognosis where we conclude your session and say, look, this is what we've helped you with and be gone and on your way and you're welcome for all the help that you've had from us today. But I can't do that with you. I have to flip it the other way around and just say thank you. You've been wonderful. The performer is alive and kicking in you. And I don't want you to be any different to what you are. I think at the start when we said about Tom coming in and lighting up the room, he's just absolutely lived up to that. Yeah. We were sort of just saying it at the start, weren't we?

43:07Joe Marler:But it's real. Yeah, you sort of just... Well, yeah, he's alright. There's something to say, wasn't it? He's decent, he's nice, always smiling and stuff like that. He lights up a room. Fucking hell, he actually lights up every room. And not in the like... He's gonna replace the national grid at some point. ...cyromaniac way. Well, you've set off my Catherine Wheel too. It's still spinning. It's sort of... I can feel it here. Mm-hmm. Do you want... Medicine? No. I don't want to be cured. That's the thing. If you're a sickness, I don't want the cure. What if... What I said when I got gonorrhea. What the...

43:50Joe Marler:How have you found today's wobbling around of the... Cerebrum? How have you found your noggin being wobbled? You know that when I pass Helix, I am, yes, I am in heaven. You're my ex-pact to Triple H. I'm still in a kind of a suspended hammock in the astral plane. That's where I feel I am. Yeah. And I know I shall feel that way for the remainder of the day. Okay. If not the week, if not the month. To keep you on that astral plane. Yes. we are going to give you a badge and today's personalised badge is life's leading man because you are life's leading man Tom and it's bespoke I can't believe it I'm really thrilled this is for you thank you so much Jake oh look I'm going to put it atop my sternum where my Catherine wheels spins because of you Not only will the badge help you with your joy and happiness, so will the sugar rush of a lolly.

45:07Oh, I see. I'm going to, because of Daisy, I'm going to pick the emerald one.

45:14Joe Marler:Which is exactly the one she would choose as well, because it's laced with ketamine.

45:21Joe Marler:Legally, that's just a joke. That's a joke. That's just a joke. It's the red ones. This has been...

45:30This has been undiluted joy.

45:33Joe Marler:I just think you're wonderful. I think you're brilliant. If you could just carry on doing what you do, that would be great. You'd make the world a better place. Let's play in the sandbox together as often as we can. I love you, Tom. Tom Reed Wilson, everybody! Janet, we'll take you. Oh, thank you. Be gone. Be gone. Be joyous. To ten. Tom Reed Wills ever way If you want to join the doctor's waiting list then please subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at we'll see you now show Remember, unless it's not clear enough already I'm not a real doctor If you need any professional help you'll find a link to great support services on our Instagram I've been Joe Marla he's been Jake Bardwaj and this has been Joe Marla We'll see you now and I'll see you next time Say it Jake Bye-bye.

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