#734 - DUSTY SLAY + MARTIN PHILLIPS

16:13Joe White:Who the fuck is Floopy the Rat? What? Oh, he was a rat. He's dead now. Was he a pet? Yeah, you could call him that. Yeah, he lived in a cage in my apartment and stuff. Your energy makes me uncomfortable.

16:43Brian Redban:Really hitting the nail on the head with that one. I mean, just acknowledging what we're all feeling right now. It is an odd energy. What do you do for a living with energy like that? I've been working. I was a caterer for weddings, but I just got another job at Pluckers and also a valet. I got to decide. You have to decide whether you want to work at Pluckers or Valet. Big decisions. I know. I also got to find a place to live. Wow, where do you live now? I'm crashing at a couple friends' houses. Okay. How much stuff are you lugging around to each place? Well, I got most of my things in Laredo right now, so I just have a couple bags with me.

17:26I'd take both jobs.

17:38Brian Redban:You were a valet at a Pluckers? Or they were separate? No, no, I'm going to be a servant. I'm asking Dusty. You say you did both jobs. Oh, I'm saying you should take both. Oh, I thought you said you did both jobs. Oh, I have. Well, I have. But, yeah, I think you should take both jobs. I think you should really, really start working. You don't have a place to live. I know. It's very scary. Where are you from? I'm from Laredo, originally, down south. How long have you lived in Austin? Five years. Five years? Have you ever had your own place? Yeah, yeah. I moved here with my ex-girlfriend to go to UT.

18:18That did not work out.

18:20Joe White:Really? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, no, it was during COVID, so I dropped out after a year. I had a full ride. How did you have a full ride? Believe it or not, I was very smart back then. I had like a, yeah. No, I had like a 15. I think we're all going with not. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think the strip club is the right move for you. I agree. You're having some financial issues, it sounds like. Yeah. Yeah. I used to be doing pretty good. I was a valet at like a really nice resort, but I got fired from that. Why'd you get fired? I was late a lot. Ah. And they gave me so many chances. It was really my fault.

19:03Wow. Do you have a car? Yes. What kind of car do you have? Mazda 6. I like the car a lot. Wow. All right. What do you like about it? It's really pretty. It's blue. I like it's comfortable. And it's reliable. It's fun to drive. That's enough. Yeah. All right, Pete. What's something surprising about your life that we could never guess about you? Oh, this happened recently. I almost had a threesome with a married couple, but then they asked me for a picture of my dick, and they told me that it was too big.

19:43Joe White:Prove it.

19:49Brian Redban:No, no, no. No, no, no. They took my phone. Right.

20:04Brian Redban:That's what I would say, too, if I was in your position. How big are you? Red band asking for a measurement. Actually, 20 centimeters. All right, very good. Okay, how big are you? I think that's like eight inches. Wow, look at that. Someone would get a full ride if they hooked up with you. Do you have good girth, or is it like a pencil? Okay, Red Band. Jesus Christ. We get your little silly thing in there, and then you just have to push it to the limit. What is the girth like on it? All right. We don't really care. It's just a thing we do where he goes over the line, and then I pretend like I'm mad at him, but then I follow it up with the thing, and there's a whole highlight reel of these things.

20:50Brian Redban:Did you have both condoms on in the pic? That's a good question. How big are you before you start wrapping multiple condoms around a three and a half? Yeah. I don't know, man. I just, I like the tightness of it all. Uh-huh. All right, well.

21:12Joe White:You're a weird guy.

21:14Brian Redban:He really is. He really is. But a decent set, Pete. as wacky as you are and as odd as you are in the interview portion. I liked your set tonight. Here's a big joke book. There you go.

21:35Brian Redban:There he goes. There he goes, everybody. Pete Garza. Uh-oh. I know what that sound means. It's the lovely Heidi, everybody. She's got a new website, HeidiRegina.com. How exciting. All right, your next bucket poll, everybody, goes by the name of Jim Talley. Here we go, Jim Talley.

22:06Yeah, how y 'all doing tonight? Fuck yeah, I want to talk about Elon Musk tonight, man. Yeah, I don't like the guy. You know, I don't like how he's trying to take humans to Mars. You know, I'm black, I'm not going, right? Look, maybe it's just my black anxiety speaking, and I just... I don't want to run the risk of getting in no space slave rocket.

22:29To be taking unknown lands, you know? You know what I'm saying? What, you gonna stick us in the back of the rocket next to the thrusters and shit? Smelling the gas leak and shit? Fuck that, all right? That's not NASA. That's Massa, all right? I ain't... I'm gonna need to see a return ticket or something, is what I'm trying to say. But, no, I will give them some credit, though. I don't think, I think he got a lot of flack for that Nazi salute they said he did. I don't think it was a Nazi salute. Because I watched a lot of the historical footage and the Nazi salute, it's a lot more zesty than that.

23:01I'm serious, you know, Hitler was on some gay shit, you know? Seriously, how many straight men you ever seen do this?

23:09See, Kyle, right? My name's Jim Talley, guys, good night.

23:16Brian Redban:Jim Talley.

23:19Brian Redban:Great set. Yes, sir. Fresh off of almost beating a pro wrestler to death this weekend.

23:28No better place to come hide out from the police than here. Yes, sir. At the mothership. You are profusely sweating. Yo, I was walking here, and apparently they called me, and I was still outside the building, so I fucking jetted here. I'm black, so I got here fast and stuff. Oh, my goodness gracious. It is incredible. You are soaking wet. You look like you were just in a water park. Did you ever go to water parks?

23:55What do you think, Tony? No, I bet you don't. I don't swim. I don't like to swim. I don't like deep water at all. Martin Phillips? The captain's here. Look at me. I am the captain now, no. I'm fine. Wow. I'm fine. Jim, you've been on this show before, correct? Yeah, yeah. About two, three months ago. Okay, remind us, what do you do for work? I'm a merchandiser for an international beverage company. Whoa. Yeah, I practice that backstage. Okay. Sounds great. I am afraid of how sweaty you are. It scared me, and I didn't want to say anything. But I don't want to go to Mars either. I'm with you. You Dusty Slate?

24:36Yeah. Oh, shit, hell yeah, man. All right. I see you in this whole place. That's what I'm talking about. A little respect there. Yeah, I seen him up in North Dakota. Yeah, Dusty's the man. Well, I think he wins. Dusty meet Ashy. Just kidding.

24:53Brian Redban:Just kidding. It's the opposite of Ashy. He's a self-moisturizing machine. It's absolutely incredible.

25:03Amazing. So, Jim, what do you do for fun? I do this shit. I work out a lot. I practice voices from time to time. What type of workouts do you do? Are you out there lifting heavy white women?

25:18Yeah, I do look like I fuck white hoes, but nah. She's light-skinned, but yeah, but anyways. But nah, I like powerlifting and shit, you know. I like to, I want to be able to be in movies one day, so I want to be able to be in shape for that shit. Wow, okay. What else have you been doing to prepare for this possible movie career? Practicing monologues and, you know, again, voices and accents and all of that shit, which I am kind of good at. Yeah. I'd like to hear a voice. Yeah, me too. Let's hear some of these voices or accents. All right. Hello, guys. My name is Jim. All right. As you lot can tell, I'm not from here.

25:56That's pretty good. I've got a few jokes for you lot tonight. I'm going to do them, you're going to laugh, and then I'm going to go. Wow. You know what? I was going to arrest you, but I'm going to give you a warning instead. Wow.

26:09Brian Redban:What else do we got? What else do we got up our sleeves over there? Do me. No, don't do Martin. He's thinking... Don't do much. Oh, what else you gotta do? Oh, I could do an African accent. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I actually was practicing this shit earlier. I was thinking, what if I, like, what if I was to narrate a documentary about your life? Me? Yeah. Okay. You know? In an African accent? Absolutely. Okay. Let's hear it. All right, here we go. Here is Tony. Hey, game on.

26:54Brian Redban:You know what? I changed my mind. You're under arrest. You son of a bitch. How dare you? Oh, yeah. Nah, just shit like that, man. That's so fun, Jim. Fuck yeah. I love that. What else about your life? Tell us more, Jim. You have a girlfriend, you said? Yes, yes, I do. What does she do? She's a personal trainer, actually. Wow. So she's in good shape? Exactly. Amazing. How long you been with her? Five years now. Did you meet her at the gym? No, I didn't, actually. We met on Hinge. Whoa. The dating app designed to be deleted. Thanks. Oh, yeah. Amazing. It worked for me. Where'd you go on your first date?

27:31She came to my house, actually, for our first date, and we went walking around the park and shit. That's about it. It was very boring, actually, our first time meeting each other. Did you hook up on that first? No, she wasn't trying to do it. She's a good girl, Tony. Right. Well, you were probably also drenched in sweat.

27:50Brian Redban:You were probably wetter than she was on that first time. Probably. Probably. She was like, uh-uh, nigga. Now, is she just a light-skinned black woman, or is she mixed 50-50? No, she's like, well, she's everything. She's Trinidadian, Belize. You know what? She's under arrest, too. I don't like the answers I'm getting here. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Jim, you ever have a near-death experience? Um, yet. No, come on.

28:21Near death, yet. I mean, kind of almost died, but I had an abscess that got infected, and it was closing up my tubes. It was kind of bad. Let me ask you a different question. Yeah, I didn't like that one. What scares you? What are you afraid of? Knives. Knives. Tell me more about knives. I'm scared of knives because I got circumcised in Africa when I was 16. Whoa, an African circumcision. That sounds like the near-death experience.

28:52I was hesitant on saying it, but yeah. My goodness. They use a knife, a regular knife, on 16-year-old Africans? Wouldn't they need, like, a samurai sword or something like that? Butter knife? A machete. Yeah. No, more like a machete. My dad actually got his cut with his machete. Really? Because, like, I did my shit in the hospital. Same time? No.

29:19one two three no but not anyway what do you remember about that that had to be totally traumatizing a 16 year old going in for a circumcision yeah it was uh december 25th 2009 on christmas wow exactly uh no i got eight shots of anesthesia you got what i got eight shots of anesthesia to my dick eight shots of anesthesia. They went around four times. They checked and I could still feel it. And then they went around another four. Listen, I ain't gonna lie. I couldn't scream because my dad told me not to be a bitch, but my dick let out like a eh. Amazing. Like my dick was done. Is this when you started doing voices?

30:00Yeah, my dick was the first one. Twisty first. Thank you. Amazing. But my dick grew. It got bigger after that. It did? It was swelling. Ah. She's pulling into scarring, so now I got ripped for her pleasure and shit. Hell yeah. Naturally. Absolutely. I'll take that back. Don't show that on TV. Amazing. I want to show this to my mom when she's watching this. Sorry, mom. That's right. Where's your mom watching from? Where's she at? Right now, she's in South Florida. Okay. And she took you for the 16-year-old circumcision? Nah, nigga. I did that myself. You just went on your own? I asked the doctor.

30:38I just made sure that my sister could take me to the actual hospital, but no, I did that myself. It was cheap. It was like$39.99 plus$10. Wow. Look at that. Eight shots of anesthesia. And your sister took you. Yes, sir. Her name's also Anesthesia. Close. It's Nyasa. Really? Yeah, sort of got it. Wow. Incredible. Well, Jim Telly, fun times, fun set. I think you did it. Did you get a big joke book last time? I did. Well, then there you go. Keep working on it. Come back again. Jim Talley. Look at this.

31:13Brian Redban:We're having a good time, which is also the name of Dusty Slice Podcast. And it's also what's happening right now. All right. Your next bucket pool looks like a new one. Make some noise for Hal Soddy, everybody. Hal Soddy.

31:35Thank you. I got circumcised in Costa Rica. I used to sound like a girl when I was growing up. Then my balls dropped. Now I sound like a woman.

31:53It's actually one of the reasons people would call me gay, so I stopped talking. Yeah, they can't call you a sissy if you don't say anything. Oh, yes, they can. So I stopped talking. I stopped smiling. I stopped fucking dudes. What else does a guy need to do, you know? All right, I guess that's all I wanted to do. Meow, huh?

32:20Brian Redban:It's another 15 seconds if you got anything else. Oh, let's see.

32:29I'm not a political guy, but actually my liberal friends, they annoy me a lot, and my conservative friends, that you know me just as much. But what I think is cool about that is that you all thought I had friends. Thank you. There it is. Hal Sadi. Hell yeah, Hal. Welcome to the show. Is this your first time on? Yes, sir. How long have you been on stand-up? About six years over a span of 12. 12 years. Okay. I quit a couple times. Right. Yeah. Right. What made you quit? I got tired of repeating my jokes, and I started doing improv, and I thought that was fun. It was? Then what happened? Then I liked stand-up more.

33:14Right. And here you are. You live in Austin now? Yes, sir. For how long? About three years. Okay. You moved here for stand-up? Yeah. Okay. How's it going? It's been pretty good. What do you do for work? I'm a web developer. Okay. Yeah. How long have you been doing that? About 13 years. And you're fully employed? I'm self-employed, yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Perfect. Halsadi. What's the name Halsadi? What is that? So it's, my name is actually Halil, but I shortened it, and it's Arabic. Okay. Yeah. What kind of Arabic? My family's Lebanese. Oh, okay. Yeah. Very cool. I love it. Do you always open your set with that circumcision joke, or was that?

33:56No, I was just repping on the guy. I thought it was a weird coincidence.

34:01Joe White:Did you do it in Costa Rica? Yeah, I grew up in Costa Rica. Oh, okay. So you really did? I grew up in it. Yeah. Interesting. Was there anything odd about your circumcision? I was a baby, so... They do it differently in Costa Rica? They probably ate it. I don't know. All right. Sick. Yeah. How's your girth? Okay, red band. Red band.

34:30Brian Redban:Come on, red band. It's pretty thin. Interesting. So tell us something interesting about your life, Hal. I hear the sounds of flies in my head. Okay. All right. Explain that a little bit better for us. In Costa Rica, there's a lot of bugs, so I always hated that. So when I moved here, I always make... There's one rule in my house. It's always to close the door because that's how they get in. Right. Okay, that is how they get in. You hear these flies all the time? Yeah. You hear them right now? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, because of the noise. Yeah, but seriously, you like... Sometimes I get PTSD from it because there was a time like multiple flies got into my house and I just kept getting, like, looking all over the place hearing flies, yeah.

35:26Wow. So you hear them when they're there.

35:38It's actually a positive thing. Yeah. Sometimes, yeah. I think we all suffer from that.

35:48Joe White:Do you need medication or something? What was that? Do you need medication or something? I think so, yeah. You married? You have a girlfriend? I'm married, yeah. Married? You have kids? No kids, just two dogs. Two dogs. Okay, you love your dogs. I love my dogs, yeah. What kind of dogs do you have? They're mutts. They're both pit bull mixes. All right. Yeah. That's a ticking time bomb.

36:15There must be more to you, Hal. What else? Do you have any big passions? You collect like locomotives or something? I do like trains, yeah. I, uh, trying to think. You know what, I had like stuff that I would prepare and then when I got here it just went away. They just flew out of your head. It was the flies. Yeah, with the flies. Yes, the flies.

36:46Do you like fire trucks more than trains? Okay. All right. Do I look autistic? That's why? A little bit. Just a touch. A little touch. Okay, Red Band. All right. All right, Hal. Well, here's a medium-sized joke book.

37:07Brian Redban:There he goes, Hal Sadi. All right.

37:16Brian Redban:All right. We're having fun. You guys having fun out there? Here's another bucket pool for us, ladies and gentlemen. Make some noise for Tripp Callahan, everyone. Tripp Callahan.

37:33Oh, my God. Guys, I saw Target. they got in trouble for selling tuck-friendly bikinis to children. I guess like a bikini with a little pouch where you can tuck the dick. At first I thought it was weird, but then I realized it was probably even more weird to be against it. Because basically what you're saying, if your son's wearing a bikini, then I want to see the cock. You know?

38:03Yeah, dude, your kid can't be trans unless he's fucking swinging. I don't... But, uh, I got weird opinions on everything. Like, I still think race matters a lot. Like, for example, a white lab, that's a great dog. A black lab's also a great dog. But a Chinese lab, that will shut down the world economy.

38:27I am against racism, though. There's nothing I love more than when a racist gets poetic justice. Whenever I see a racist white chick, I always secretly hope she gets fat. Yeah, because then she has to fuck black dudes.

38:44Brian Redban:Tripp Callahan. Great set. Welcome, Tripp. Thank you. How long have you been doing stand-up? I did it like once a year in college, but like four years. Four years? Where at? Pittsburgh and then here. Awesome. How long have you been here? Like a year and a half or so. Awesome. What do you do for work? H-E-B, bro. Yo!

39:14Brian Redban:In the good lords we trust. Yeah, it is. The one true God who watches over us. Lord H-E-B. We were literally talking about it before the show in the green room. If you're wondering what we're talking about, we're talking about fucking little H-E-B tricks that people don't even know. Red Band, would you like to tell the crowd what you informed us here just this evening, not even fucking an hour ago? You know, if you buy crabs or snow crab legs, you just take them to them and they will boil it for you with a different kind of seasoning for free while you're shopping? So if you get crabs or lobsters, you go, you know what?

39:50Brian Redban:Now cook it for me. While I go shop, I'm going to come back and pick up the crab legs the way I fucking want them. But I mean, I wouldn't recommend talking to the people like this, but it's more like in your head, you know what I mean? You're like, please and thank you in real life, but in your head, you know they're just fucking cooking them for you. It's unbelievable. Is this a true fact? Do you work at HEB? Yeah, dude, I work in like produce. I got like Happy Gilmore's job, basically. Wow. Incredible. So tell us more about your life at HEB. We love HEB. It's a dream sponsor. I'm sure it's right around the corner.

40:26Well, it's not that bad, actually. I'm stocking shelves. I'm moving around pallets. And then sometimes they put me in the back with the Mexicans, and I chop up fruit and stuff. Ooh, okay. Yeah, sounds racist, but it all checks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like the only white person on my team, so it rules. Yeah, of course. Let me ask you something. There was a very controversial case. A young man, a young autistic boy recently was working at a grocery store, and they caught him eating a little bit of the, what would they call that, go-backs? The fruit cups or something? It was like outdated kind of stuff.

41:01I once worked at a grocery store when I was 16 years old. Giant Eagle in Youngstown, Ohio. Big Bear Kroger guy. We remember both of these places very clearly. Two Ohio-based, extremely prolific grocery stores. nowhere near to the good lords at H-E-B. But how do you bend the rules? Do you ever take an old magazine? Because there's a lot of things that go on at grocery stores that you people don't even think about. You non-GS. Well, we can take, like, I do, like, we can take, like, the fruit. We just have to say we're sampling it so we're, like, can give the customer a better experience. So you're kind of allowed to at H-E-B, which rules.

41:39A lot better than whatever the fuck that. Do you remember what that one was? No, I don't. Oh, it was, I do almost remember. It was Ralph's? No, no, no, no, no. It doesn't really matter, but yeah. No, it was, what was it? Fire. That was Fire's. Yes. I got caught shoplifting here. Very controversial. You got caught shoplifting? Yeah. What did you shoplift? The most embarrassing thing I ever. Candy is candy. No, it was, what's fucking, what's that? Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack and. one of the paulo abdul albums i guess there was two different ones it was the red one i think

42:18Brian Redban:look at that i thought i was the gay one on the show what do i have to gain weight to balance this we're supposed to play our characters unbelievable wow so uh tell us more about h-e-b tell us uh the the the what we clean right yeah It's pretty clean. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, dude. It's kind of just a manual labor job. It's not that hard, but... No, we know. We know. Yeah, dude. Yeah. But, I mean, I like it. I worked in sales before. I hated that, dude. So I actually don't mind it. Wow. It's not that funny. Sorry, guys. Dusty. Well, I would just want, like, you dress like Adam Sandler, and you have the job of Happy Gilmore.

43:07Are there other Adam Sandler things you do in your life? Yeah, is it true that you're still in fourth grade? Reading level, but yeah, dude. Dude, I play golf. I think that's Adam Sandler. Yeah, that counts. I'm not good, though, dude. I love it. Okay. Tripp, what else? What else about you? Tell us something crazy about your life that makes you different than everybody else. Well, when I was growing up, I knew a guy who tried to become a serial killer. Ooh. Tell us more. He only got to two. He, like, failed. He got caught. But, uh... Yeah. Two's not bad, though. That's not bad. He did all right.

43:44That's not to be serial. Well, he was, like... He was, like... He went to the other high school in my area. He was, like, this fat Jewish rapper. And he would show up at parties in, like, freestyle or whatever. He wasn't good, but, like... But then, like, when we went off to college, he started doing heroin. and he like took more than the recommended dose or whatever. So yeah, he OD'd. They bring him back and like his brain was all fucked up. It also turned him into like a gay homosexual.

44:16Brian Redban:Ah, that's what happened to me. Yeah, and he wasn't happy about it, man. Because like imagine you're doing heroin, which is like awesome. And the next time you wake up, like you can't come without getting fucked in the ass. So yeah. So then he was really mad. He started killing gay guys. That's who he was killing? Yeah, other gay guys. But gay guys he went on dates with. Yeah. So not really like, this is like revenge. A little bit. Well, the one guy he met on a dating app, this is how he got caught. He Ubered to the guy's house, walked in, shot him, walked back out, Ubered home. So I think it left like a paper trail or something.

44:56Did a little heroin. Wow. Bad date. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing. I can't believe the Jewish serial killer used Uber and not Lyft. Good point. He's paying dollars more for that trip. Yeah, he didn't tip the guy much. I don't... Yeah. Incredible. Trip is your real name? No, my real name's Joseph, but I've been called Trip since I was a baby. Why did they call you Trip? Because I'm like the third, so like triple. It's like if a black dude's name, like Trey, it's sometimes the same thing. Oh, yeah, totally the same thing. I don't know. Martin trips all the time. Everybody calls him Martin. I should be Tripp.

45:42I should be Trey. I love it, Tripp. Well, you had a great set. It was a very fun, very fun interview.

45:51Brian Redban:Great stuff, man. Here's a big joke book. Come back. Sign up again. Tripp Callahan. All right, let's do something special here, everyone. You may have been paying attention to this storyline, but a couple months ago, I lost a real big Texas Hold 'em heads-up poker match, and I have to finish paying off my debt. This is my final debt, is this spot. I'm going to bring to this stage a very funny man. He's just starting out in stand-up comedy, but he is literally the number one ranked heads up Texas Hold 'em poker player in the world. He lives here in Austin, Texas. Make some noise for his second ever Minute on Kill Tony.

46:35Brian Redban:This is Doug Polk, everybody. Doug Polk.

46:44I'm a professional poker player, but this show changed my life. Since my first appearance, my DMs have been flooded with dick pics. Tony, can you please stop? I have a wife and kids. And besides, I only asked for one. I was at the store the other day and was denied beer because apparently you can't buy alcohol before 10 a.m. in Texas. It's a dumb law, right? But the crazy part, these were non-alcoholic beers. When you're buying non-alcoholic beer at 9 in the morning, you know you're a pretty serious non-alcoholic. You know what I knew? I had a late night out drinking. When I woke up the next morning, I could remember everything.

47:31It's getting pretty bad. I think it might be time to join Non-Alcoholics Anonymous. Can you imagine that? Hi, everybody. I'm Doug. I don't have any problems. It's a 0.0-step program. It's just so nice not to take any daily steps. Am I right, Red Band?

47:55Brian Redban:Big clothes on the Red Band. The slow head shake from Red Band always makes me laugh. Doug, fun times. Sorry about the dick pics. What are you going to do? That was a fun set. Yeah. I heard a... So I came in with the dick pics jokes, and then the first guy talked about dick pics, and the second guy talked about dick pics. I'm like, God damn. It's going to be a tough day. Every once in a while, a premise just goes through on and on. Usually it's jerking off and this and that, but it's a special dick pic episode of Kill Tony. I think glory holes have also gotten two mentions here tonight, but anything can happen.

48:33You never know what's going to happen. But the non-alcoholics thing, interesting, right? Kind of like a normal, regular attempt at a premise. Like, it's tricky. Is this true that you're addicted to non-alcoholic beer? Well, so I was at the store, and we were at, like, Whole Foods, and we were checking out, and I go through, like, I'll be drinking or not drinking. And I was like, I'll just grab some non-alcoholic beers. And it was 9.48 a.m. at Whole Foods. And they're just like, oh, sorry, we can't sell you these. Whole Foods. Boo.

49:01Brian Redban:Boo. Sorry, H-E-B. H-E-B. This is an H-E-B exclusive audience. Even the people visiting have been the need to the dark lords of H-E-B. Does Nashville have a killer grocery store? Nashville? Yeah. I don't think, well, you know, we have Publix. Publix is good. Oh, some real pop for Publix. What's here? What's up? Where shopping's a pleasure, they said. Martin, where do you do your shopping? Walmart.

49:32Joe White:Wow. R-A-T-B. R-A-T-B. Okay, all right. I'm still kind of poor. All right. I wanted to say, it feels like buying non-alcoholic beer at nine in the morning is a worse problem than buying regular beer. Yeah. Because they're just like, why? Yeah. They're both problems, but they're different. Yeah. But one seems worse to me. Yeah. You're like, I want to get started, but, you know, I got stuff to do. Do you ever feel a buzz off of non-alcoholic beers? No, no, I don't think so. Huh. No. I'm not the actual expert. I guess I should have maybe clarified that. No, it's okay. An interesting fun fact about Doug is that he's so good at poker that he's kind of awkward at anything else.

50:23Brian Redban:I don't know if you guys have ever seen like Magnus Carlsen talk or anything or really anybody. None of them really make many public appearances when you're a freak savant. Fun fact about Doug Polk is you have about 10 or 15 minutes to beat him in poker. And at that point, he's already figured out where you look, where you blink, what you sound like, what you do, and every single thing that changes. So I know you think that you'd have a chance against him, but you really don't. But you do in the first 10 or 15 minutes. And then after that. Yeah, well, the beautiful thing about poker is that there's a lot of luck, right?

50:55Because, like, if you play Magnus Carlsen in chess, he's just going to crush you. But in poker, anyone can win, which is good. But the pros obviously win in the long run. Yeah, it's freaky. Yeah. Would you say that you have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them? Yeah. There's a lot of truth to that song. For sure. and tell us how like how are you doing uh how's poker been going update these people of what your life is like yeah so i'm looking at my worst year ever this year ah yeah i'm down like 700k oh okay only 700 000 everybody

51:35we'll get them there we'll get them there i know which one's worse 700k. Yeah, no doubt about it. So what is your plan to win back this money? Well, I'm going to, I guess, play more poker. Yeah, that's kind of all you got, you know. Is there a reason why you're having a bad year? Is it just bad luck? Is it post flop chaos? Are you in with the right odds? Getting your steps in?

52:00Brian Redban:Are you misreading? Oh, look who's getting his revenge now that he knows you're down 700k. I think a little bit of it is I've been kind of focusing more on comedy and stuff like that and, you know, hanging out with some of the guys here or whatever. Yeah, we're a bad influence. Yeah, well, obviously I'm the one that's doing badly, but I've been hanging out with, like, Uncle Laser and... Oh, no. Oh, God. Fuck, dude. You're getting non-alcoholic beer and then hanging out with Uncle Laser? That's even worse. Even D Madness is like, I'm out of here, dude. This is some bullshit. He actually had me come open for him the other day.

52:37Uncle Lazer. Yeah, yeah. I'd like a show here in Austin, yeah. I put on my nicest wife beater. Okay. That's great. Hell yeah. You know, what I just realized is Chris Celio on this episode, D Madness on this episode, we have a big blind and a small blind here as well. One more thing. See the worlds, they cross over. One angry man just staring at me right into my eyes. Incredible. He did not like that joke. Doug, fun times. it's a fucking it's a process stand-up comedy uh you came out and you nailed the joke on me you closed with the red band thing the non-alcoholic I agree with Dusty I think that it's worth examining kind of like flipping that if that makes sense like flipping your take on it because it seems like you would be the craziest human being buying non-alcoholic beer that early in the morning like you're trying to really chase some demon but not at the same time.

53:36And 700K, you know, sometimes you gotta know when to walk away. And know when to run, you know.

53:44Brian Redban:But Doug, it's been fun. We had fun playing poker that night. And you're a great human being and very, very fun to watch. Make sure you check out his streams and whatnot. Very entertaining. Like a freak athlete. This guy beats the shit out of everybody. Even though he's 700K in the hole. But he's won millions and millions and millions before, so it sounds a lot sadder than it actually is. Are we still having fun out there, everybody? We're going back to the bucket, everyone. Make some noise for Matt Campbell. Matt Campbell.

54:25Hello. I'm English. Or as you lot like to call me, gay. Thank you for that. I had expectations when I came to this country, guys. Everything I learned about you lot is filtered through the media you send my way. So when I was coming up, High School Musical coming out. What the fuck was that? An all-white basketball team won a state championship?

54:56Fuck right off.

55:02I was also disappointed the sequel didn't involve a school shooting scene.

55:08I was completely unprepared for these high school drills guys. You have to understand I didn't know a shit about basketball.

55:19Fuck me sideways.

55:23My dad's South African, which means I'm genetically racist. But he has a poster of Mandela. That's been my time.

55:35Brian Redban:The cat was a little loud there. What did you say your dad is? He's South African. Okay. All right. Welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? Almost five years. All of it in England? No, I started in America. Colorado. Okay. What made you start in Colorado? Nasty breakup. So you fell in love with an American girl? I did. Moved to Colorado. I know. And how long were you in Colorado? I know that you know. I'm just... I'm just keeping everybody together so the interview makes sense here. You're just peeling me apart, man. I'm sorry. So how did you meet this American girl? Oh, no, no, no.

56:18I moved out here well before that. My dad got a job when I was 15. And then I moved out here with him. He's not brave or anything. He's not in the military. He's just like a tech support guy. We know. He's English.

56:33Brian Redban:South African if he was paying attention. But he's a citizen of England, right? No. So he's just in England illegally? He's American now. Oh, he lives in America. He went from South Africa to America. Yes. How did you end up in England? My mother's vagina. How did your dad end up in your mother's vagina if that was in England? He worked very, very hard. Did he visit England? A lot. Right. So your dad's been in England? Oh, yeah, no, yeah. But he never lived there? No, we lived there for a while, but he never... He lived there for a while. So let's just rewind two minutes. You little fucking smurmy British bastard coming in to have your moment.

57:14British comedian kills Tony. Look at this clip.

57:23Brian Redban:You son of a bitch. Alright. So Matt, what do you do for work? Valet. W Hotel. Wow. The W Hotel. You're not also picking up shifts at a Cluckers? No, but they desperately needed a diversity higher and I was the best they could get. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Everybody loves that wacky accent. So you're a valet. A job that absolutely will be taken over by robots in no time. I'm sorted. What's your big goal? What are you going to do? You focus on stand-up? You do a lot of spots? Yeah. You love it? I'm going to Houston next month. Other than that, pretty good right now. What are you doing in Houston?

58:07I've got apparently a drug show. I don't do a lot of drugs but I'm prepared. What are they gonna make you do smoke the devil's lettuce? Yes, really wow you might my dad likes to call it the wacky backy Oh, it's pretty fun. Wow. He's old. He's like near 70 Wow, those South Africans They just fucking they age like black dudes. It's great. It's amazing.

58:31Joe White:They are from Africa. Yes

58:41have you spent any time in south africa yeah a couple a couple trips yeah do you ever hear flies inside your head no no never never flies inside my head but i remember one trip i went to visit my grandmother and the most vivid memory i have of her is just her walking up to me and squashing a chameleon in front of me when I was four. Wow. Yeah, just with a big rock, 60-year-old grandma. Were you playing with the chameleon? No, I was just looking at it. Wow. It's tragic. But you were looking at it, enjoying it. Yeah, I was happy in that moment.

59:20Joe White:And she could see it. Yeah. She knew. She knew. That's the chameleon. That's its fault. Well. Martin. Yeah, yeah. Martin. Martin, if you know anything about South Africa, it was definitely the wrong colour, all right? Ooh. That sounds like your grandma goes after a lot of... Chameleons, yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. Different colours, I guess.

1:00:09Brian Redban:Matt Campbell. Tell us something else wacky about your life, Matt. I went to an all-boys Catholic school in the UK. Okay.

1:00:24Brian Redban:Hitting the old pipe. Celebrating his victory.

1:00:32No! So this girl in Colorado, she broke your heart? Yeah. Tell us about it. How did she break your heart? She had a fat ass. Oh, hell yeah. You don't find those in England. No. They look and sound like me, Tony.

1:00:48Brian Redban:Oh, I know. Yeah. I know. We were just there. How was it? Did you enjoy it? No. Oh, okay. We literally hated everything about it. Worst week of our lives. Yeah, it was the worst. Were you thinking about doing comedy before the breakup, or did you just run right out and do it? No, I've always kind of liked comedy, but I never got the balls and I didn't care enough. She discouraged it? Yeah, no, she... It's not that she discouraged anything. It's just I sort of found nothing to care about after she gave that sweet pussy up, dude. How did she let you know that she was breaking up with you? Oh, I found out she was texting a dude named Grandma.

1:01:26Ooh.

1:01:27Brian Redban:Wow, turns out that Grandma was crushing chameleons. too. I know. Wow. Wow. Damn. The old naughty grandma. She might as well have been. She was a little bit older than me. So she had it saved in her phone under grandma. It was under grandma. What kind of text was she sending to grandma? Filthy. Filthy. Were you at first like, is this how you talk to your grandmother? No, I genuinely Is this what Americans do with their grandparents? I genuinely felt like Sherlock Holmes when I figured it out. And then realized I'd been retarded the whole time. You're like, your grandma's up late.

1:02:20This grandma's really horny at 2 a.m.

1:02:23Brian Redban:Was there a specific text or moment where you really figured it out? Yes. Seven o 'clock in the morning. Yeah. What was it? It was May 19th, 2021. Brutal, dude. Yes. Brutal. Just got out of the shower, and she left her phone on the side, and Grandma said, so when are you coming over? And coming was not spelled properly.

1:02:48Joe White:Wow. Grandma was old. Yeah. It's not spelled. Yeah, I'm not sure you made the right move here. Yeah. This sounds, when are you coming over? I mean, that's not as dirty as I was expecting. Two M's, mate. Well, I got, I'm from Alabama. I got relatives that can't spell.

1:03:16I mean, that's not the worst misspelling I've seen.

1:03:22Matt, Matt, Matt. So how did you handle this situation? did you just had a quick spaz, immediately gave up and then just started doing comedy did she admit it? not immediately because she was like staring at bible quotes but like after we figured that out she was staring at bible quotes? we took Jesus out of it out of the argument what do you mean exactly? in the moment when I found her cheating on me, her phone she was reading the bible

1:03:52Brian Redban:oh yeah Oh, that is the reddest flag humanly possible.

1:03:59Joe White:So how did she talk to Jesus?

1:04:14Brian Redban:Martin Phillips is on tour at martinphillipscomedy.com. Wow. my goodness did she have any text messages with Jesus in her phone perhaps I fucking hope not man I fucking hope not incredible Matt well fun times my friend you're doing it you're chasing the American dream god damn right congratulations there's a big joke book there he goes Matt Campbell everyone

1:04:47Brian Redban:I'm English but my father's South African I mean mama All right, I have a feeling the tone's about to change tremendously in this room. Make some noise for Mushroom Matt, everyone. There's Mushroom Matt.

1:05:09All righty, folks. So I'm a bartender, right? Been bartending for over a decade. I've made thousands of drinks. People order some weird-ass shit. And like, I don't blink, but one thing does throw me off though. And that's when people ordered their drinks virgin. I don't get it. I've never fucked a drink before serving it to a customer. You know, I don't pop the cherry before I garnish your Manhattan. I love alcohol, but I'm not gonna stick my dick in your whiskey tonic. That's a health code violation. So, um, as a bartender, I've had a lot of different bartend jobs, like a lot. I've worked at over 40 different restaurants.

1:05:50My friends say I'm a bar slut. And, you know, it's a good thing you can't catch an STD from working at a bunch of restaurants. Actually, I take that back. Don't sleep with the cocktail waitresses at P.F. Chang's or Buffalo Wide Wings. They look fun, but it's not worth it. So did y 'all hear... Okay, that's good. Did you want to finish it? Is it a quick one? Yeah, it's a quick one. Did y 'all hear what?

1:06:22It's kind of stupid, but, um, they're gonna... Did you hear that they're gonna deport everybody in Albuquerque and New Mexico? No. Yeah, that's right. Trump says no more New Mexicans.

1:06:33Brian Redban:Ah, got it. Got it. You're right. Dumb as fuck that joke is. Welcome, Mushroom Matt. How's it going? Fun times, Mushroom Matt. There's a lady that just got murdered in the middle of the room. Let's talk about it. Did you really get STDs from P.F. Chang's BW3s? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Wow. What kind of STDs are we talking about? Chlamydia. Wow. Yeah. I've had chlamydia twice. One from my high school sweetheart, and then once from the girl at P.F. Chang's. Wow. That's why everyone's ordering virgin drinks from this. I make a mean spicy martini. Wow. The non-alcoholic beverage jokes are really flying tonight.

1:07:18I got to tell you. How long you been bartending mushroom, Matt? Ten years, or nine. How long have you been stand-up? So, I started three years ago. I took an intermission, and then I moved out here six months ago, and I've been going pretty hard since I moved out here. Uh-oh. What are you laughing so hard at over here? Oh, fuck.

1:07:38Brian Redban:Took an intermission. Yeah. What do you mean by an intermission? I don't know. Somebody close to me died, and I kind of just stopped doing it for a while. Who was it who died? Uh, my... Her name was Nina. Uh, she had a fentanyl OD. I knew her since I was 12. She was like my high school sweetheart. Oh.

1:07:59Joe White:She gave you chlamydia. Yeah. Was she the one that gave you chlamydia? Yeah, yeah. I don't want to put her on blast, but... Well, you can't put her on blast anymore, my friend. It's all good now. She's in a place where chlamydia doesn't exist. Uh-huh. I hope so. Yeah, I really hope so. Did you say you worked at 40 restaurants? Yeah. Yeah, I've been at... In nine years. Yeah.

1:08:34Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, it's like... So you're not that good at it. No, no, no. It's like the restaurant industry is weird, dude. Like, there's places you'll go and you'll work, and like after a month you're like, oh shit, this place sucks. Like they lie to you and then like you start working for them and then like you end up getting screwed and then you're like, okay, this isn't worth it. Then you jump to another, jump to another. It takes a while to like find a good spot. But once you find a good spot, you stay there for a while. You're a little slut.

1:09:01Wow. So have you been dabbling in some serious drugs, Mushroom Map? You go by the name Mushroom Map. I am a big fan of mushrooms. We talked about it last time. I've eaten an ounce before. Oh yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, absolutely. I love mushrooms. I actually give them out to comedians that I like because I have a lot of them, so I just give them out. Not psychedelic. They're truffles. What does that mean? What's the difference? No, I don't want to get in trouble. It's Texas, you know? It's okay. You've already said enough. Go ahead. For sure. So what's the difference between psychedelic? Oh, you're saying, okay, so they are.

1:09:41All right, I got you. Okay, yes. Okay, excellent.

1:09:44Joe White:Do you like me? Yeah, yeah. Dude, yeah, absolutely. You're fucking dope, man.

1:09:50Brian Redban:Talk to me, dude. This guy's going to be tripping all over town. Nice.

1:09:59Mushroom mat. So, but other than mushrooms, what other drugs have you done? I liked, oh, like a lot. I don't know, like when I was 19, I was pretty hardcore drug user. And then like I stopped doing hard drugs. Like heroin? Like everything. Like, I've done everything. A bit of an intermission. Yes, yes. You know, maybe when I get older, like, late ages, I'll do hard drugs. But, like, when I'm young, I kind of want to try to preserve my youth and use my time as wisely as I can. Okay. I feel like it's too late for you, man. Fuck, man. You really think you've worked at 40 restaurants? Yeah. How fast do you think you can name the...

1:10:39How many... Okay, so... Here we go. Give me a little restaurant name and music here, John. One, two, one, two, three. Chubby's on Broadway, P.F. Chang's, Sailor Jack's, fuck, dude, it's distracting. Sailor Jack's, West Side Bistro, fuck, guys.

1:11:00Brian Redban:I'm off the spot. It's over, you're fired again. I can't do it, I can't do it. You're fired. I can only, fuck, dude, that was hard, man. I could, like, I have worked at a lot of restaurants, but, like, it takes, like, I don't know, that was very intimidating. How many different Buffalo Wild Wings? Just one. Just the one. It wasn't bad as a bartender, you know, you'd make, like,$200 to$300 a night. Not bad. Yeah. It seems like one of the lower-end jobs, but they pay you at the end of the night. It's chilling. Was there ever a time where you got fired and you didn't deserve it? Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, God, yes, dude.

1:11:31So, okay, like, you guys can probably tell this. I have, like, a lot of energy, right?

1:11:37Brian Redban:Yeah. You have former drug user energy. you've seen this before a lot of great comedians have it a lot of great comedians used to do fucking serious drugs I'm not saying you're one of these great comedians I'm just saying that it's a thing that our friends have in common Tim Dillon, Theo, all these guys have fucking partied to the absolute limits so uh fuck what was I saying? there it is ladies and gentlemen confirmation that indeed okay Okay. Um... Fuck, I lost my train of thought. Have you ever been fired and didn't deserve it? Yes. Okay, so I have a lot of energy and, like, I use the restroom a lot and that, like, I have a really nervous...

1:12:20It looks bad, right? It looks bad. Like, I've literally been fired from three different jobs because they thought I was, like, doing coke. And, like, I also... Talk right into the tip. We can hear your heartbeat. Keep it up there. Oh. Um, I've been filed from multiple different restaurants because I have, like, a lot of energy and I use the restroom a lot and it just comes off like I'm doing blow. But I don't always do blow at work, you know? Would you say you have more energy right after you pee? Um, uh, it's like usually in pre, yeah, no less because I'm in a rush to get to the bathroom so I'm like, you know?

1:12:59Really jonesing for the bathroom. Yes. Yeah. I think you're on coke right now. No, no, no. Yeah, see, that's what my manager's saying. I'm like, nah, dude, I'm just like this, man. Like, fuck. You should do coke for the interview, and then it would always be lower. Dude, wise words, man. Actually, yeah, that's a good strategy. What helped you get off the hard drugs? I don't know. Probably someone out there, you know, watching the show right now, just tied one off and fucking heating up a spoon right now, getting ready to go work their shift at a P.F. Chang's fucking bar. You could save their lives right now.

1:13:44Explain to them how you did it. Did you perhaps start a collection of locomotive trains? I don't know. Like, I never really had an addicted tendin disease. I just, like, struggled to fit in. And, like, when I was doing drugs, there was, like, people to hang out with. So, like, I would do drugs. But, like, I, like, was on Adderall since I was eight. So, like, meth wasn't really, like, I don't know. I didn't really like it. I just did it because there's people doing meth with me, you know? So you were doing meth while you were on Adderall?

1:14:10Brian Redban:Uh, no. Yeah. Well, no. Double. That's exactly what a guy still on meth in Adderall would say. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. How do you get rid of chlamydia? Just asking for a friend. They give you a shot in the ass. Wow. Yeah. Damn, that's how I got it. That's another gay joke, everybody. That's awesome. All right. Mushroom Matt, fun times. There you go. Thank you. Mushroom Matt, everybody. All right. Look at that, a compelling interview. Here we go. Looks like we're going to get our first female comedian.

1:15:01Brian Redban:of the ooh-la-la, sweet, sweet, sweet, le second bétain, mayonnaise, pepper, le pew, le mustard. One more time for the lovely Heidi, everybody.

1:15:17Brian Redban:And now, this looks like it could be a new name. Make some noise for Elena P, everyone. Elena P.

1:15:30Hey, Austin, how's it going? good good are we dating anyone dating here in the crowd yeah actually I don't know why I'm asking I really don't care I'm dating a doctor so and he's hot so I win you know but um no when I told my family and my friends I was dating a doctor obviously mom super excited some of my friends were a little bit concerned they were like dating a doctor I'm like yeah they're like haven't you seen Grey's Anatomy aren't you a little bit worried I'm like yeah you know make dreamy make steamy and they're like exactly like you think he's like hooking up with nurses in the stairwell i was a little bit taken aback honestly i was a little offended i was like you guys he's a gentleman you're crazy if you think he's hooking up with nurses in the stairwell he's at least fucking them in the call room my god come on no i don't sleep anything the only thing that's really screwing him is the american health care system so yeah yeah that's it thank you guys

1:16:26Brian Redban:All right. Elena P. Welcome to the show. Is this your first time on? It is my first time on. How long have you been doing stand-up? Today's my first day, y 'all. Wow. Starting here? Did you do an open mic earlier or something? You know, I go to a lot of open mics with my boyfriend. He actually does comedy. So we came to Austin on Friday night, and we leave Wednesday afternoon. But we've been popping around to all the local spots. You're dating a doctor that also does comedy? I do, yeah. that's his backup plan if comedy doesn't work out he's got the doctor thing is he a real doctor he really is a real doctor what kind of doctor is a general practitioner yeah he does wow clearly i did not go to medical school so i don't like an urgent care yeah you know what if you go it turns out they make a lot of money working at urgent care so yeah really how much how much money do you know how much money he makes i know that he just got he's now able to He actually practiced on his own.

1:17:23And if he got, like, a job at Urgent Care, I think they'd pay, like,$200 an hour or something ridiculous. Like, yeah, it's crazy. I know. Oh, my goodness. Wow, that's a lot better than all these valet motherfuckers we've had on today. How about you? What do you do for a living, Elena? So I'm a photographer, so I actually, like, I... Oh,$0 per hour.

1:17:40Brian Redban:If anything... $0 ever total made. Wow. I am a photographer and a Lagree instructor. Most people don't know what Lagree is, but if you do... What is it? Lagree. What is that? That is like Pilates on steroids, essentially, is what it is. Okay. And you do that? I do, yeah. You teach that? I've been coaching for three years and taking for four. Okay. Do you do private classes? You know what? For you, Red Band, for you, Red Band, I would, yes. Whoa, look at that. Yeah, I got you. He's been eating a lot of Pilates of food. That's plates. Plates, but it's pronounced it Pilates. Yeah, there you go. Like P space latte.

1:18:21Brian Redban:because you like plates. Multiple plates. I can agree with that. I can agree with that. Hell yeah. Elena, how long you been with this guy? We've known each other for a year and we've been officially dating for six months. Seven months. And you really trust him? Yeah. Does he ever text his grandma? You know, I don't actually know. I think one of his grandmothers is probably dead. The other one alive, I think. I think he's close to the grandma. We'll see. I don't know. You guys don't get into personal life too much, huh? Well, yeah, I felt like a whole forum if I want to talk to him, really. For 200 bucks an hour when he's at an open mic, are you going, you're really losing money here, buddy?

1:19:06Yeah, right. No, I like to tell him at least I made more money than he has at comedy shows because I actually get paid as a photographer to take their photos. Yeah, he's made, you know, nothing really.

1:19:18Brian Redban:Oh, Martin Phillips is furious, right? I just said, oh, yeah, you got him.

1:19:23Joe White:Oh, you showed him. Yeah, I know. You showed him. Wow. Yeah. Incredible. So where did you meet this guy? We met on a boat, actually, which is, I love your captain's hat right here. Look it. This is the captain of the boat. Martin Phillips is our captain. Look at that.

1:19:40Brian Redban:There he is. Yep. If anybody's wondering who sunk the Titanic, here he is, everybody.

1:19:48Yeah, we met on a boat. It was my friend's birthday that I got invited, and he lives at my friend's complex, so they were, like, down at the pool or something or another, and he was, like, hanging out with his friend who was seeing my friend, and they were like, hey, we're going on a boat tomorrow. They told me I was going on a boat tomorrow. Where was this boat at? It's at Percy Priest, so I know Dusty Slay here is from Nashville. I live right next to Percy Priest. Yeah. I was there that day. Yeah. I can picture you just standing behind a tree watching the whole thing happening. Yeah. Now that's love if I've ever seen it.

1:20:23Right, right. The start of fresh love. I'll say, hey, we were having a good time. All right. So that was a good... You know what I mean. Two fans here. I love it. You were actually one of the first people I ever saw at Zany's. All right. And it was amazing. Yeah, it was... Yeah, he really is a good comedian. There you go. And urgent care is a good job for a doctor. I've always said that. You know, I'll take your picture anytime. I've always said it. Did this urgent care doctor sign up for this show? He did. He's here. The doctor's in, everybody.

1:20:54Brian Redban:The doctor is in. And you guys are only visiting this Monday? Only this. He's got to get back to the clinic. So, you know, I've got to get back to the clinic. In Nashville. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I could have actually seen your boyfriend before. You probably might have had. I go. I get poison ivy a lot. I think it's a, yeah. What's his name? Dr. T. Dr. Tim T. He signed up as Dr. Tim T. Dr. Tim T is here. Go get Dr. Tim T. Yeah. It's been a long time since we had someone's significant other on this show. We're going to see who fucking really writes the prescriptions in this relationship here. Yes, I love it.

1:21:33Yeah, he's great.

1:21:34Brian Redban:Amazing. He's been great. Did he start stand-up before you, or were you doing it? He did. He did. He started back in Arkansas. That's where he's from. And then he got really into it kind of when we started dating almost a year ago. he was really into it and like I just kept going to open mics and yeah the Nashville scene is really really something out there a lot of clean mics but also there's some there's some dirtier stuff that's angus and things we're really doing it there yeah yeah it's incredible while we wait for Dr. Timmy T I'm gonna ask you do you always perform like do you always dress like you're about to do an open mic on Mars you know I look at I wore this for the comedy mothership I wanted I want to dress like an alien or like a Martian or something fun.

1:22:16Okay. I love a theme. I love a theme, so that's that, you know? All right. I love fashion for my girlies, you know? Exactly.

1:22:24Brian Redban:Wow, this is like a bad episode of the Kardashians right now. This is incredible. Would you say you're high maintenance? I just would like to think I have high standards. So that's a big, glaring yes, all capital letters, with five exclamation points afterwards. yeah what do you think is the most high maintenance thing about you how long does it take you to get ready if we were like we gotta go oh shit we were supposed to go to dinner with my parents let's go how long would it take you to be honest i am always like chronically late but i like to think especially in the summertime i like to do more of like a natural makeup look so i try not this is the most makeup i think of worn all week but i usually try and do like a tinted sunscreen Four hours per foot.

1:23:09Yeah, right. All right, great. You guys have dirty hair. What time did you start getting ready for this show? I gave myself a good half hour. Oh. At least, yeah, a good half hour.

1:23:19Brian Redban:Let's ask the doctor. Yeah, right, yeah. The doctor is in. I've gotten a word. You can just hide out behind the horn players, in front of the drums over there. Put that mic in the mic stand. As I introduce to you, the guy, ladies and gentlemen, that not only does comedy with Elena, not only dates Elena, but has sex with her as well. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Kill Tony debut of Dr. Timmy T, everyone.

1:23:53How? Y 'all know why the Native Americans say how? It's because the settlers killed them before they could get out. Are you doing?

1:24:10I went to this Indian restaurant the other day and when I walked in, there were swastikas all over the walls. Now I'm from the south, that's not completely unnormal, but I went up to the guy at the front and I was like hey man, what's up with all the swastikas? He was like, listen, listen, it's Sanskrit for good luck. He was like yeah, but it's Hebrew for bad luck.

1:24:32I went on to ask him, I was like, hey, what's better the lamb bindaloo or the buttered chicken? He was like, ah, they're both good in their own right. Yeah, I didn't get either one. I ended up getting the swastika masala. I'm kidding. What I really got was diarrhea. No, so I grew up really religious and being really religious, they're like, hey, you need to try to be like Jesus, which is a really high standard. You know, he was perfect, walked on water, performed miracles. I was like, how can I live up to those expectations? And then I read Revelations 22, 12, and it said, Jesus said, Behold, I cometh quickly.

1:25:11He's like, finally, I can be a little more Christ-like.

1:25:14Brian Redban:Wow, Dr. Timmy T. Wow, look at that. What an incredible thing.

1:25:26What a stud you are, huh? Thank you. Look at you, just a good-looking doctor. You're funny. You got it all going, except for that fake-ass girlfriend over here, Sean. I'm kidding.

1:25:36Brian Redban:I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I didn't realize Pedro Pascal had a Down Syndrome little brother. I love it. You're adorable, Dr. Timmy T. Welcome to the show. Thank you, thank you. And how long have you been doing stand-up? Like two years, like a year seriously. Awesome. Yeah. And how much time did you spend in medical school? Four years in medical school, six years in undergrad. Okay. Look at that. Dusty, what do you think about this guy? Well, I'd like to know how you treat chlamydia.

1:26:10Doxycycline, Mr. Dusty. Okay. Doxycycline. Where would you put it? In the mouth. Yeah. So you think the guy earlier was getting some bad medicine? I am unaware of what you're talking about. Yeah, but probably. Okay. Amazing. Dr. Timmy T. So you're a general practitioner, right? Yes, sir. You cover it all. What's the craziest thing you've ever had walk into your urgent care or whatever? Oh, I had a man whose penis was rotting off. Oh, wow. How did that happen? He ended up having surgery. He had erectile dysfunction, and he got one of those penis pumps put in. Oh. But he lied to your doctor. Never lie to your doctor.

1:26:55He lied to his doctor and said he wasn't smoking. Yeah. Wait, you can't smoke cigarettes and use a penis enlarger? Fuck!

1:27:12Brian Redban:Oh, no! I'm going to need to see you behind the curtain in 30 minutes. That is weird, though, because all my whole life, I would say, do you smoke? I'm like, yeah, not really. Because you don't want to say that for the insurance or whatever. They should tell you, no, no, if you do, just say yes. Can you explain why? Oh, I can already, I can probably already tell. It probably restricts the blood vessels. That's right, that's right, that's right, Tony. Oh, my God. Smart guy. God damn. You are a smart guy. I really am. You know, I think I could be a doctor, too. You know, probably. Yeah. If I can be, you probably can, too.

1:27:47Doxycycline. That's what I would just give everybody for everything. We'll tell you Dr. Cycline. There we go. There we go. You're a fucking, you're a real fucking guy. What do you do for fun, Dr. Timmy T? Oh, man, I like to play sports. I play basketball, pick up basketball. Wow. Yeah, I have bonsai trees. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. You really just do it all, huh? Yeah. Me and my girlfriend have been building Legos lately. Aw, amazing. Yeah. Wow. Good clean fuck. Are you eight?

1:28:20Brian Redban:He has to partake in activities that she can do as well.

1:28:32Wow, I love it. What's the longest set you've ever done? Ten minutes. Ten minutes. Would you like to do like an eight-minute set at the Secret Show Thursday?

1:28:42Brian Redban:Absolutely, I would. There you go. The doctor is in. Dr. Timmy T. Doctor, here you go. Here's the big joke book. Boom. And here's a little one for the lady right there. She got out of punchline and a half. Shut the fuck up. What an adorable couple, though. Congratulations. There they go. Dr. Timmy T and Elena P. How fun. I wonder if this is who I think it is. I wonder if this is our old cowboy friend. We're going to see. Make some noise for Carlos Lopez, everyone. Oh, it is. One of the legends of the show. the return of Carlos Lopez.

1:29:29Howdy. So I was asleep in my bed the other night getting the fucking most wonderful slumber I've ever had. And I woke up to my phone just a fucking yelling at me. I thought I cheated on Siri. This thing was fucking screaming. me. My phone went off and it was a, it was an Amber Alert for a 15 year old Hispanic girl. And I thought that was fucked up. Cause what about her two kids?

1:30:10Are they okay?

1:30:15They get taken to? Here are my thoughts and prayers. So this boulder situation has never been great, but lately I've been seeing it bring out the worst in people. I'll leave it on that. Go ahead, finish it. The other day I saw one man tell another man to go back to Mexico, and I don't think he meant it. No, because if he meant it, he learned how to say that shit in Spanish.

1:30:47Brian Redban:Carlos Lopez. We actually watched him have his very start here on the show. And then, you know, it's just like the nature of the beast. Like what I was talking with Doug Polk about earlier. And then your second time, kind of rough, right? And then look at you. You're back with that same type of snappy, hard-hitting punchlines that you had that first time. You've been working at it, huh? Oh, yeah. Incredible. You take this seriously. Yes, sir. You're a serious man. Yes. You're a serious cowboy. Yes, sir. And you're driving 18-wheelers. No, I retired. Oh, shit. You hung up the old truck nuts, huh?

1:31:26Yeah. What do you do now? I'm in wheel estate. Wheel estate? Wow. Hello.

1:31:38You're selling wheels? Hill Country manufactured homes. Real estate. Wait, wheel estate? Sorry, real estate with wheels on the bottom. Okay. Look at this. Best of both worlds. Hell yeah. That sounds like a one-stop shop for you, Martin Phillips. Not interested. it. My goodness. So tell us more about the wheel estate that you're selling. Sell us right now. I'm sure there's some people here. There's a lot of Texas oil money in the room right now. That's not who I'm targeting. Like trailers. Oh. Okay.

1:32:19Brian Redban:You're from Alabama. You speak whatever language this is. Yeah, you're talking trailers. Manufactured home. That's a fancy word for trailers. That's what people say when they don't want you to know they live in a trailer. This is incredible. So it's a different type of market. Well, maybe there's some rich people here that want to buy a trailer. Maybe there's some poor people here that want to buy a trailer. Great. There's a lot of comedians watching, I can tell you that, and these people are all homeless and need a car at the same time. You could probably be a one-stop shop, and I'm going to give you the single spotlight treatment.

1:32:54Sell us on Wheat Estate. How much you fucking pay on rent? you want to pay that much with own the motherfucker it's that easy they sell themselves

1:33:09Brian Redban:sold I'll take three right now you can afford it I promise and then you go how bad is your credit

1:33:22the fucking homeless people are the ones that can't afford the homes that's why they're homeless figuring it out right so Um, so, do you offer tornado insurance? Like, like, hell no.

1:33:37Brian Redban:No, that's your bread and butter. That's a terrible business idea. Yeah. You need the tornadoes. The tornadoes bring it back around. It's the wheel deal. I'm going to have to use that. I'm sorry. It's yours, buddy. You can have it. It's all yours. Wow. Wow, absolutely incredible. So that's going good for you, selling a lot of trailers? I'm four weeks in right now, just getting started. I want to get off the road. I found out the hard way that my girlfriend has a nut allergy. How did you find out? We have a son now. He's three months old. Swallowed up for nine fucking months. I see. I see. You nutted inside of her.

1:34:22Brian Redban:I get it. I get it. I get it. I was having a wheelie hard time understanding the joke for a second, but now I get it. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. I bet you gave him a real cowboy, a real regal name. Am I right? Well, Tony, I'm glad you asked. I named him after my fucking heroes. Yeah. Tony Walker, Texas Ranger Lopez. Wow. Tony Walker, Texas Ranger Lopez. That's mostly true. Tony Walker, Lopez. Tony Walker's got a good ring to it. Not really that funny, I guess, but it does have a good ring. Tony Walker? It's Jackson Walker. Oh, Jackson Walker. See, that's what I was looking for. That's a real country named Jackson Walker Lopez.

1:35:07I don't want to leave with that. Sounds like he would deport himself. You know what? I just figured out what my last name is. I'm going to go ahead and hit the dusty trail.

1:35:19Brian Redban:I'm going to get inside of my home and drive up there. Wow. I love it. You get him a little cowboy hat already? He's not ready yet. He has to earn it. Oh, shit. What does he have to do to earn it? We had a couple up here that's trying to figure out Legos right now. What does a kid have to do to earn his first cowboy hat? I guess hold his fucking head up first, you know? That's true. That's true. Is that how you talk to him? I mean, you can right now. You don't know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Just vibes. Just vibing. Yeah. Hell yeah. I love it. I love it. Mom's handling it all well. Oh, she's doing great.

1:36:00Yeah. Breastfeeding? Oh, yeah.

1:36:09She had big tits when I met her, but holy shit, no.

1:36:14Brian Redban:Look at this. Red Band's heart is a rock right now. I see it hanging out of his shorts. He has a special penis pump he's been using.

1:36:25Wow. Incredible. Do you ever taste any of the breast milk? You ever give a quick little suck? It's not something I do on purpose, you know?

1:36:35Brian Redban:Right. But if it happens accidentally... Yeah, because I've got to warm up breast milk when she's gone, and you've got to make sure it's not too hot sometimes. Oh, you don't just go in too quick after the baby. I want to steal the produce, you know? Yeah. I only got so much. Hell yeah. Some of that old cowboy cream, you know what I'm saying? Fuck yeah. I love it. What surprised you, or what's surprising to you about having a young three-month-old? Is there anything that surprised you? This is your first kid? Yeah, my first kid. Man, honestly, the urge to go home now is there. It never has been before.

1:37:14Yeah. I've been fucking just rambling all over the place. That's what it seems like with all of our friends. Once they have a kid, they're back home, and they're not hanging out, being degenerates like we all are. It seems to be the common thing. It's amazing how your wife doesn't make you want to be at home, but the kid does.

1:37:37Well, once you got a taste of that fucking, that BM, you know what I'm saying? That sweet little fucking. Is your wife Mexican? Very. Very. Hell, yeah. Chasing Latinos is more than just a hobby. Wow. So it's like harracha. Yeah. Come on. Okay.

1:38:00Brian Redban:Some of that titty tamarindo, am I right? Underlay. Oh, yeah. Very good, Martin. You really are the captain now. Carlos Lopez, fun times. You did it again. I'm out of big joke books, but you already got one. You're the man, Carlos. This crowd loves you. Everybody loves you. Killing it. Daddy's home. Carlos Lopez.

1:38:28Brian Redban:And we have his stunt double, ladies and gentlemen. Another proud Mexican father that we've known for years and years. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Hank Garza.

1:38:48I believe that a lot of us in here are not racist, but our algorithms are. Anybody else see that one post about that one group of people and you're just like, like. Y 'all know the ones I'm talking about. I've really had it up to here with these bullshit weed names, and they're like, Hank, it's exotic. It's like, dude, it sounds like diabetes mixed with blue or purple. It's not exotic. Um, if we want to start naming weed that is exotic, let's start naming it after shit that is exotic, like, thick white women without black dudes in their DMs. Kush.

1:39:30The hardest part about me dating is actually, um, it's not even the wife and kids that I have at home. Uh... It's actually the sleep apnea machine. You know how fucked up it is when you have to take down the hose to go see the hose? Crazy. I want to end this on an impression. This is my impression of a fortune teller from the late 90s, early 2000s. Bamba Klot, y 'all remember that? Here we go. This is Alex Jones here, letting you know. Everything I said back in the day came out to be true. they are fucking kids on an island and they are turning the frogs gay my name is Hank Garza, that's been my minute thank y 'all so much Hank Garza

1:40:17alright I like the racist algorithms and the sleep, do you have a sleep apnea machine? I have a BiPAP, yes sir wow breeze in and out for me oh my god, you don't even have to do anything you don't have to think about any of it you just lay there like Darth Vader Wow Is that good? You get a good night's sleep with that thing? It's alright, I have a one year old right now So I'm waking up all the time to change him And feed him, so Is your one year old terrified by that Machine? Nah, not at all Man, I look like Bain They hook me up like a Tesla Wow But when I cheat, I feel like my solution to that problem Tony, is I have to find other women That are also on sleep apnea machines Right.

1:41:04And we just hit that shit like a hookah.

1:41:09Incredible. When you say Navajos to see the hose, what's a Navajo mean? No, no, no. I have to take down the hose to go see the hose. Because the CPAP machine has a hose. Oh, it's a hose. Got it. All right. Got it. To go see the hose. Yeah. I got it now. You take it with you. I have to. Sometimes. You show up at the house. Yeah, man. And if they see you with a sleep apnea machine, they know you plan on staying at night. I mean business. I mean fucking business, dude. You got a bag of condoms and a sleep apnea machine. That's right, baby. CPAP poppy. Wow, look at that. Look at that. You have all these catchphrases for not being able to breathe on your own.

1:41:51Incredible. How did you go to the doctor and find out that you needed that machine? Like, what made you go to the doctor? Yeah, Red Band's a week away from that. Yeah, dude. I feel like I should have one. My wife was like, hey, it sounds like you're dying. Yeah. I'm good. And you're like, I'm exhausted from cheating on you. That's right. Hell yeah. I love you, babe. Martin, do you have to sleep with anything wacky? Do you have any wacky things? Uh-oh, no, I can sleep normal.

1:42:22Joe White:I'm not like this freak. Dang. Dang. Ooh!

1:42:32Brian Redban:Dang. Martin Phillips. Holy shit. What else is going on in your life, Hank? You've been doing stand-up for a few years. Yeah, I just completed three years. Just getting up as much as I can, bro. As much as I can in San Antonio, raising kids. That's it right now. I'm a stay-at-home dad. It sucks. I mean, it's cool, but it's not cool at the same time. It fucking sucks. Yeah. Men should be out there doing shit. Not raising kids, but whatever. Wow. But wife makes a pretty decent living, so I'm like, all right, you know what? I'll change a diaper. Hell yeah. Okay. I hope your kids aren't watching. Way better set you had tonight than the last time you were on.

1:43:12You screamed last time. Yeah, I was. I know. So it's very scary. Oh, last time I ate a huge dick on here, on this show, man, that shit was such a rude awakening for me on where I was comedy-wise and take this shit seriously, man. It's a ruder awakening than when your CPAP machine runs out of water. Is that how those work? You put water in it? You put water in it. It's like a humidifier. I like high humidity, dude. Then you put it like 72 degrees.

1:43:40Joe White:I want to try it. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah. Well, okay. Hank, great stuff. Thank you so much. Here you go. Here's a big joke book. Hank Garza. He's our buddy.

1:43:56Brian Redban:That's our buddy Hank. It's a big joke, folks. That's how show business works. Well, I mean, what can I say? This has been a hell of an episode, and I think there's only one way to end an episode like this, ladies and gentlemen, and he is behind that curtain, for he holds the record for all-time appearances, interviews, in the history of the show. No one has done it more. nobody has done it better. A living member of the Kill Tony Hall of Fame. Some people call him the Shaw of Shopify.

1:44:38Brian Redban:Sponsored by Mass Hole Lobster Truck. It's known as the Memphis Strangler, the Vanilla Gorilla, the Big Red Machine. Live in the flesh, this is William Montgomery.

1:45:02I like to buy my dogs from the pound because I like my dogs to be hardened criminals who think they're out on parole.

1:45:12After a long search for the best match, doctors have successfully transplanted a pig lung into a brain-dead human being, and I just want to say congratulations on your new lung, Amy Schumer!

1:45:27Last week, Cracker Barrel Board of Directors made the mistake of letting a dumb bitch talk them into changing their logo. The bad news is Cracker Barrel's stock value dropped to$100 million. The good news, we'll be seeing Shane Gillis in Cracker Barrel commercials very soon.

1:45:51What were Kurt Cobain's last words? Courtney, don't!

1:45:58Brian Redban:Okay, that's my time. Thank you. Wow, exactly 59 seconds. Two or three of the biggest jokes of the night. I feel like I have to let Shane know immediately after this episode the joke you just did. That is so funny. That is incredible, because it's probably true. Oh, it's very true. I fucking hate it. And if y 'all look up, seriously, it's crazy. If y 'all look up the CEO of Cracker Barrel, She looks just like fucking the girl from, oh, what is her name? Everyone that hates our show. You are correct. The saddest thing about that joke is I'm in a Cracker Barrel commercial right now. Really? Damn.

1:46:41Is that true? It is true. I don't know if it's still airing, but I did do a 15-second commercial. Dusty, that is wonderful. I swear to God, that is a dream of mine. I happen to love Cracker Barrel. That really is so cool. That's so cool. What are you saying? What do you even do? When I was in it, the stock was doing great, though. It was still doing really well. We had the old logo. Mm-hmm. The old design. Yeah. You seem, now that you mention it, I could see why they would pick you as one of their clear representatives.

1:47:15Absolutely incredible. Wow. William, you did it yet again. I mean, incredible. What was the thing? Would you say a pig-a-lum? A what? A pig-a-lum? Pig-a-lum? What did you say? What was the... Pig-a-lum? Pig-a-lung. Pig-a-lung. Yeah, they literally, they found, they did it in a brain-dead fucking person and they put a pig-a-lung in the brain-dead person and the lung lasted for, I think, eight days. Wow. Wow. Look at that. Yeah, it's pretty cool. What a great experiment. I'm pretty sure the doctor that did that was up here just a few bucket pulls ago. Yeah. You had a CPAP machine that breathed in and out for it.

1:47:57Yeah. I mean, incredible performance. Really, really amazing. Well, you're really sweet. Well, Tony, I think it's... I had that, the Courtney love joke or whatever I have been listening to since last week because I was up in Spokane, Washington this weekend. It's the first time I've repeated a comedy club. It's been like a year and a half, and I created this whole new set. I had it 70 new jokes, 30 old jokes, and it took me forever. Tony, don't be mad at me, but I was taking a little bit of Adderall, and I was smoking weed, and I spent two full weeks on it, and I've been listening to the song by Hulk called Softer Softest probably 700 fucking times.

1:48:36For anybody who's hearing my voice right now, it's one of the best songs ever. I've been listening to it. It's on repeat, Tony, on my Spotify. It's not a good song, Red Band says. You don't like anything, idiot. He told me about this, and I was like, oh, this must be a great song. I used to have that album. It's just like a throwaway song, but you're addicted to the girl that played it that died of an overdose. You have this whole conspiracy about it that Courtney killed her also or something, right? Yes, I think Courtney was involved in the bass player's death. Tell us more about that. Tell us about this conspiracy.

1:49:10Well, it's just so horrible. When I was up in New York City, Tony, I just looked. Something happened, and I saw the picture of the bass player for Hole during this point in time of their career, the second album. And I was like, oh, my God, this girl's beautiful. And I started reading more about her. I was very intrigued. And she died at 27, and they're thinking the guitar player's the one who injected her with all the heroin. And then they're saying that Courtney Love told the guitar player to do that. So it's this whole can of worms, Tony. Wow. It's this whole can of worms. Are there more people that you think...

1:49:42Oh, he does not like Red Band's lap. That's like a fucking laugh out of my nightmares

1:49:46Brian Redban:when you do that, you idiot. He does not like Red Band's lap. They have a long-standing rivalry. They do not seem to get along. Yeah, he's talking shit about that song. I think people will like Soft or Softest when they listen to it later tonight. I think people will like the song. It's a wonderful song. It seems as if, though, you think that Courtney Love is responsible for the death of the bass player of Hole, the death of Kurt Cobain. Is there anybody else who you think Courtney Love may have killed? The Soundgarden guy. Yep. Okay. Tony lookalike. Chris Parnell. Chris Parnell. No, I'm kidding.

1:50:18Yeah, Parnell was the guy on SNL. Yeah, Chris Cornell. Who else do you... Thanks, Jacob. Jacob on the... No, I'm kidding. That was awkward when I couldn't remember y 'all's tapes.

1:50:32Is there anybody else perhaps Courtney Love murdered during her lifetime? You've been going down this rabbit hole. Well, it's weirdly enough they're saying she was the one up in the jail and killed Jeffrey Epstein. Because she knows people who are good. Yeah, Jeffrey Epstein. Keanu Reeves in the movie Speed. Whoa! Yeah, she's the one that killed his ass. Whoa. How many days have you been awake in a row? I slept till 1.30 today because the night before I only slept an hour but I was able to sleep till 1.30 today which I really slept in today, I needed the rest Wow, that's whoa A little flashing of the lights for the amount of sleep that you got What time did you go to bed?

1:51:1712 p.m. There you go, an hour and a half of sleep Oh, there you go, that's better Is there anyone else you think It's like army time How do you even figure out army time? Wow Wow. Incredible observation, William. Is there anybody else you think in this conspiracy theory of yours, do you think that Courtney Love may have killed during her last... Maybe Dave Thomas? Whoa, the Wendy's guy? Yeah. From Columbus, Ohio? We love... Red Band, that's right, right? Yeah. Yeah? You told me that one in Red Band, remember? Wow. You let me know about that one, remember? You called me that? All excited? When you found out about it?

1:51:57Yeah. There's another person? Wow. That's incredible. Dave Thomas. Can you believe that? Uh-uh. Red Bank can believe it. Red Bank gets very sad when he's reminded about the death of Dave Thomas. Yeah, that might be my real dad. That might be my real dad. Yeah, well, your mom had sex with enough dudes. I don't know if we actually could figure out if it was fucking... I don't know if we'll ever find out if it's serious. He was his executive secretary, and then my parents got divorced, and I ever found out why it might be my real dad. Wow. I just hear executive secretary. It makes sense. I can see how Dave Thomas could be your father.

1:52:39I mean, you are a 52-year-old Baconator.

1:52:44Here's the beef. Is there anybody else you think Courtney Love may have murdered during her lifetime? Lisa Frank! Whoa. And I'm kidding about that one. passionate about that one. I'm kidding about that one. That's why I tripped. Who's Lisa Frank? The lady who made the stickers and stuff, like the girl site. Oh, okay. Who else? Is there anyone else you think Courtney loved may be responsible for their untimely death?

1:53:15What about maybe Who? Maybe Maybe

1:53:25Maybe 9-11!

1:53:28Brian Redban:Whoa, Courtney Pope! Is this responsible for 9-11? No. That's crazy. She didn't do that. How do you know that? Huh? How do you know she had nothing to do with that? I'm just pretty sure she did it. I did the research. Wow. Maybe just Building 7. Yeah. Yeah. Just a smaller building. People forget about that building.

1:53:54People do forget about that building. Tower 7. Everyone remembers 9-11, but no one remembers Tower 7. Is there anyone else you think Courtney Love may be responsible for? Well, this one's horrible. He's actually on my shirt. King Cobra JFS. Josh, rest in peace. He just died up in, I think, Wyoming. I think she had something to do with him. But King Cobra JFS, rest in peace. He had a bad drinking problem. but I couldn't stop watching him. If you had a chance to talk to Courtney Love, and she was here face-to-face, I'm sure she's watching this right now, what would you say to her? What would you say to Courtney Love?

1:54:30Courtney, I get it. Courtney, I get it. You don't normally take requests, but if you could play softer or softest off of your second album, I could sing the words with you. Wow. I'd be able to sing every single word with you. Wow. Wow, that is incredible. So you would take an opportunity to hang out with her and sing with her, even though she kills people. Yeah, oh my gosh, softer, softest, I'm not kidding. I've listened to it 800 times since last week. I'm not even kidding. It's on repeat on my phone. That's all I'm listening to. Wow. And it almost feels weird, because now I like it. Uh-oh. Seriously, now I like it.

1:55:08That's how it started with Kurt Cobain. One second you're liking her music, the next thing you know. And you wrote 70 jokes listening to that song? 70? No, I was analyzing all of my Kill Tony minutes. I think I've done close to 320 of these things, and I was analyzing my stuff. Wow. Doing a little... And then praying to God people will laugh when I put it together in a certain way. I was going to say, that sounds like new comic advice. Listen to that song. Yes, my new comic. Seriously, if you're a comic who's thinking about getting into comedy, whatever, you're funny around your buddies at work, whatever, I think you should go for it and listen to Softer Softas when you're analyzing your jokes, seriously.

1:55:48Do you think you're ever gonna stop listening to Softer Softer? I don't think I'm ever gonna stop! William Montgomery has done it again.

1:55:56Brian Redban:This episode brought to you by Shopify. Guys, how about Can This Place get his first time on panel? Dusty Slay, everybody. What Heat is on Netflix. Make sure you watch it on Netflix. He's on tour, DustySlay.com, and his podcast is We're Having a Good Time. Martin Phillips, first time on panel, everybody. The captain is in. MartinPhillipsComedy.com. He's on tour all over. The drawing from Ryan G. Ebald is in, and it is indeed amazing. He's drawn, oh, just the last 700 episodes or so, whichever the guests are. Let's see what Chris Rogers, the live Austin artist, drew doing this. Oh, Mark Norman.

1:56:40Brian Redban:Look at that. Shout-outs to our old friend Mark Norman, who was on panel during the New York City Madison Square Garden episode, which if you haven't, and you should and you must, go watch that on Netflix. And, yeah, Red Band? Check out my fake band, Cat Bread 7, on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Music. Love you guys. It is a fake band indeed. Listen to it there. That is something else. A new passion project, if you will. and shout out to Shopify thank you for sponsoring this episode and thank you to you the live audience that makes it all possible we love you guys thank you good night everybody

1:57:47The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now over. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

1:58:08Thank you.