#737 - IAN BAGG + BRIAN HOLTMAN

22:25Hey, everybody. I look like a girl who regularly goes to the gym, but just to poop.

22:39I really respect Helen Keller as a woman in history. Have you guys heard of Helen Keller? Yeah. She's never heard of you.

22:50I have a strong belief that Helen Keller coined the phrase, talk to the hand because the face ain't listening. But she probably sounded a little different as she said it. Talk to the hand because the face ain't listening.

23:10I'm really excited to potentially have a husband one day, and I'm excited about this possibility because I will get to greet that man every day for the rest of my life. You know, different couples, they have different greetings. Some like to hug, some like to kiss. I've been practicing the greeting I'll have with my husband. It'll look like this.

23:31Stop hitting us. Thank you guys so much.

23:36Brian Redban:Sarah Sloan, everybody. Wow. How cool is this? Welcome back, Sarah Sloan. This is fun because I talk to you every day, all the time. And now we're talking like this. It's kind of weird. It's so... I literally said to you, I spend more time with you than anybody else. True. And I love it. Yeah. We have a lot of fun. Do you guys want us to leave? We are absolute polar opposites. She is a very, very, very, very good, well-behaved Christian girl. And I'm a naughty boy. And we give each other balance. We live vicariously slightly I think through each other. Sarah tell these people something about you that we don't know I mean, I don't even know.

24:25Brian Redban:Yeah, I would say like well I would ask you a normal question but like I kind of know everything Can I tell you a funny story like that you yeah? Well, there was one time Tony was about to go out to the lake and then he started just looking at me and he was like I'm picturing you joining me and my friends going on the lake and wearing you wearing a bikini and he just started dying laughing

24:49God. Wow. That is the weirdest time to make an HR complaint. In front of all these people. Tony's an asshole. He says my pussy's hairy.

25:06Brian Redban:We have a lot of fun. Sarah is the best. Brian Holtzman. I really appreciated your stage president. is wonderful. You have a beautiful little figure. And I especially liked your Helen Keller because I, to this day, can't understand why she's who she is. I mean, she couldn't do anything. She couldn't go anywhere. I mean, to have somebody that's that famous and well-known for being that deficient in all areas, I mean, what would you do with a Helen Keller if you, you know, nothing. Maybe keep the door from shutting, you know. But, uh, thank you so much. I really appreciate what you did. Thank you.

25:56Thank you.

25:59Brian Redban:So awesome. The great Brian Holtzman. I just want to say, night and day difference from the last time or two times you've been on, like, that was actually fucking awesome. Absolutely. Oh, thank you. That was the next thing I was getting to. I don't ever get to see you new stand-up and the unbelievable growth since the last time working beats you're using your hands great mic technique close to the mouth everything's good everything's like rock solid professional uh sarah what else is going on anything else crazy in your personal fun life or whatever i i told you i told you recently like ever since i've gotten this job men have been very interested in me.

26:39Brian Redban:It's like, yeah. Oh, hell yeah. It's so insane. I'm just like, literally night and day difference. Now I still don't do anything about it. I'm too afraid. Yeah, I went on a date with this one guy and then he started just like, at the end I was dreading it. I was like, oh no. And then he starts just hugging me and I was like... And then he like, kisses me on the cheek and I was like... And then he was like, What's wrong, baby? He was Mexican.

27:13Shows you they really don't respect boundaries.

27:26Yeah, at one point, I literally held up my hand in front of my face, and I said, don't kiss me, please. Do you think maybe you're a lesbian a little bit? I know I'm not. I just, I feel, I feel so bad just like kissing someone that may not be my husband.

27:44Brian Redban:Take it. Take it. Brian, what are you? Take it. Holtzman, be nice. I don't care if you do it to the men. That's Sarah. Don't do it to my sweet little Sarah Sloan. She's a good Christian. She goes to church every week. You still Christian? Are you still Christian? Doing this devil's work? Literally, I'm probably more Christian now than before I started the job. Yeah, it's true. And a little fun fact, if you were to go back or if you're a fan of the show and you remember her getting the job live, which was a crazy thing. Nothing but my gut instinct. I knew nothing really about you other than you could do a good horse noise at the time.

28:23Brian Redban:And my God, how it's played out is unbelievable. And the parents that originally you said, da-da-da-da, didn't like it, and it's a little bit too rugged of a show for you to be on. and they're laughing at crazy stuff and everything. We ended up making, I made friends with the parents. They came and visited and fucking now I'm friends with our super cool, awesome parents too. They love you so much. This is how the devil works. Nobody listen. Holy shit. It's happening right here. The ground is just starting to bubble and we got another one.

29:10Brian Redban:Sarah, unbelievable fucking set. I love the poop in the gym, the Helen Keller, everything. I love seeing the growth. You're a little star. We love you. One more time for the great Sarah Sloan, ladies and gentlemen. Boom. Wow. Wait, wait, wait. Sarah, real quick. How could I forget one horse noise for these people? Yeah.

29:37Sarah's Flo. That was your best horse sound. This is Kill Tony.

29:50Brian Redban:That's the sound of Colt when you're pulling the yo-yo out of his ass. Oh!

30:02I love the way he looks like the horse.

30:11Get that bit out of my mouth! Woo!

30:17Brian Redban:Ladies and gentlemen, your third bucket poll of the night goes by the name 60 Seconds Uninterrupted going to JJ Alexander, everybody.

30:33I just watched the new Superman movie and me and my friend were walking out and he's like you know what, there's no way anyone would fall for that like just using glasses as a disguise like he just puts a pair of glasses on and everyone thinks he's a totally different person no one's done enough to fall for that I looked at my friend and I'm like I know the glasses are a good disguise because I have to use my glasses as a disguise every single day like with my glasses on he might be like oh this is like a kind of cute nerdy guy Glasses off, look like I eat crayons for the flavor.

31:10Glasses on, history teacher with autism. Glasses off, Matt Damon with Down syndrome. How do you like them apples, you know? glasses on, kind Chick-fil-A manager. My pleasure. How are we doing tonight, folks? What's going on? Glasses off, Arby's manager.

31:43Brian Redban:JJ Alexander has arrived to the Kill Tony universe. This is your first time on this show, right? Yeah, dude. Holy shit. Unbelievable. Amazing. How long you been doing stand-up? Five years. Where at? Colorado Springs, Colorado. And you're just visiting Austin? No, just moved here, man. When did you move here? April. April. Yeah, dude, moved down with four of my buddies. We slept on two, like, bunk beds side by side for two months. Fuck yeah. Just burned the boats to try to move to Austin, Texas. Try to do this show, man. That's how we do it. I get it. Yeah. That is awesome. I love it. How do you make money?

32:21Brian Redban:What do you do for work? I work at Dutch Bros, the coffee shop. Oh, hell yeah. When you have your glasses on. Yeah. Glasses off. I'm giving out free coffees to everybody, dude. I was like, would you like chocolate milk, man? I love it. So, yeah, I worked at 5 a.m. today. Wow. Yeah, dude. Amazing. Hell yeah, JJ. Ian, what do you have? Not anymore if you can do the impression of a horse. oh i got nothing dog i'm just no chance sorry you were doing so well there and then fucking bam brian would come over to do the joke writing contest at your house does he have to wear the glasses or not the glasses he can do whatever he wants oh no shit we don't have to talk about anything at all this is the scariest i've ever been in my life this is nuts.

33:16Unbelievable, JJ.

33:17Brian Redban:Tell us more about you. Yeah, man. I work at Dutch Bros. I play... No, I can solve a Rubik's Cube. You can? I can. You know what's crazy about that, ladies and gentlemen? No, please don't. I swear to God, you're not going to believe this, but just a few weeks ago, my amazing team here at Kiltony informed me about a bunch of new things that we have backstage. A breath We have all the old stuff, your famous scale, your measuring tape, and now added, ladies and gentlemen, and they told me this, and I go, what the fuck am I ever going to do with that? That sounds boring as hell. But we have arrived at that moment as I present to you, for the first time in Kill Tony history, Heidi, bring out the Rubik's Cube.

34:06Brian Redban:Oh, my goodness. Wow. Oh, he's just attacking it right away, ladies. gentlemen glasses on he can solve the rubik's cube imagine glasses off he eats the rubik's cube what if he was just lying like he thought no way they're gonna have a rubik's cube and he's just like johnny big cock i can do a rubik's cube now tony do you know the science behind it it's like a it's like a math thing like it's a two over down yeah i don't i don't really get it i've never understood the rubik's cube i have no desire to whatsoever i let other people conquer the rubik's cube universe while I do my own thing. When I was a kid, I found out that you could actually take off each of the squares and pop them back on.

34:51Brian Redban:There you go. Yeah. Oh, there is a timer, ladies and gentlemen. They've started a timer. He's at 45 seconds right now. This isn't quite going as good as I thought it would. It's no yo-yo. Yeah. Turns out you're very mediocre at Rubik's Cube. It's very close, though. It's very close. He's getting there. Uh-oh.

35:16Brian Redban:They used to also have the Rubik's Triangle and a lot of different... The master of Rubik's Cube knowledge, Brian Redband, our chief Rubik's Cube correspondent. I had no idea that you had such a wealth of knowledge. This was our video games back as a kid in the 80s. That is true. Redband is 51. Oh my God. 119. Wow. The crowd goes absolutely wild. Wow.

35:47Brian Redban:I was not expecting the crowd to be that into it. Let's go. Glasses on. Solve the Rubik's Cube. Let's go, baby. Amazing. I bet you can kiss your assistant. I'm in love with you. Oh, thanks. Thanks, Brian. Wow. JJ, I like the sand. Wow. A lady yelled, do it glasses off. That's impossible. I can't read without my glasses. What are you talking about? It's got nothing to do with reading. They want you to look like, you know, a special kid while you're doing it. JJ, tell us more about you. Oh, yeah, I'm a single guy. As you can tell. No, yeah, I'm just Austin, Texas, looking for love, man. You have a lot of good material like you did?

36:38Brian Redban:Yes, sir, yeah. What's the longest set you think you could do? I've done 45 minutes. Okay. It was not great. Sure. Five years in. But I got 30 rock solid. Right, rock solid. Okay. And it seems like your life completely revolves around stand-up. You're doing a lot of... A little bit. It's a grind, for sure. You're working hard at it? Yes, sir, every day. I'm just out just trying to get better. That's all I can do. Holtzman's doing some type of... What exactly would you call that? Use the microphone, then. Hi, honey, I'm home. And it's been a hard day. Oh, my God.

37:23Holy shit. Are most of the girls at Dutch Bros over 18? Yes, sir. Red Band, what the fuck is going on over there?

37:37Brian Redban:Dude, Brian's just going to pull through my line. This is going to be terrifying, dude. Oh, yeah. This guy's going to come with an unsolved Rubik's Cube every time. Wow. Yeah, what's wild about Dutch Bros is we have a button on the iPad that's a bad day button. So if you come through and you look like you're crying, we give free coffees away. You're so overly nice there. Is there a protocol that you have to do? Like, oh, you have to, like, wink at them? Oh, no, no. It's just you're just, like, trying to treat everyone with kindness. It's, like, their whole thing. Like, it's like you start... So not Texas.

38:09I've changed lives one cup at a time. Dutch Bros, sponsor me. Let's go. I need to quit. Let's go.

38:18Brian Redban:I think they might want to sponsor you, JJ Alexander, because, my friend, what I have right here in this red box is indeed a golden ticket you just wrote here on Kill Tony. Congratulations, my friend. That's the real deal.

38:39Brian Redban:We want to see more material from you.

38:47Brian Redban:And I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday, if you want. Hey, hi. There you go. He'll do the Secret Show, Red Band. Thank you, Tony. Thank you. How do you feel, JJ? Are those real tears? You just changed my life, man. Thank you, Tony. Let's go. Austin Texas, let's rock, baby! Let's go. J.J. Alexander, ladies and gentlemen.

39:14Brian Redban:Congrats, buddy. Holtzman, let him go. Let him go, Holtzman.

39:21All that talk, he was like, all that talk, we're at Dutch Brothers, we're kind, we try to change people's lives. Guaranteed, he's going to be a complete dick tomorrow.

39:31Brian Redban:Oh, yeah. Because he is just, he's not going to be working there much longer. He's just like, you want to what? Fuck you. Suck my special needs cockpicks off the glasses. Throws a Rubik's Cube at a child. All that kind of shit. Exactly. His whole attitude may change. That's how egos are born. How does that feel for you? How does that feel for you, just changing that kid's life? It's awesome. You know, when I see somebody that's up here smiling and when they seem completely funny and focused on stand-up, when he said the bunk beds thing, you know, that means that this is his life and that's exactly what he came here to do.

40:08Brian Redban:Big move from Colorado. He's focused. And we need people. Everyone fucking... Everyone here is blowing up so fast. Their fucking SNL is poaching us now. These guys are getting offers to fucking be the next fucking late night this and everything that. We're building monsters and he could be... God only knows what can happen here. He could be on suicide watch in a few weeks too. It depends on if he goes to one of your writing sessions. We having fucking fun out there, huh? Let's keep it moving along. Anything can happen. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Fern, everybody. Fern, everyone.

40:56My cousin has Down syndrome. Don't feel bad for him, though. He got laid so much. she caught gonorrhea. So we called him Slow Clap.

41:13I like to treat pregnant women like dogs. Because I'm going to rub your belly. Yes, I am.

41:37I got two cats. One cat's name is Abyss, because if you stare into the abyss, the abyss will stare back into you. The other cat's name is Meowchwitz.

41:53The ironic part is Meowchwitz doesn't like showers either.

42:00Brian Redban:I'll wrap it up there. very funny fern thanks welcome welcome howdy hell yeah how long you been doing stand-up about four years four years and this is your first time on the show a second okay where are you from uh originally paris texas but i also moved from denver okay how long ago was your last time on the show uh november of 23 it was my birthday all right very cool okay what do you do for work I'm a downtown high-rise window washer. Whoa, really? That's you up there? Yes, sir. Holy shit. Goddamn right. You do the Frost Tower? No. You have different ones. Yes, sir. Okay. You do that every day?

42:42Brian Redban:Five days a week, yes, sir. Holy shit. Tell us about that. We've never had anyone that does that on this show. Can you explain to us? It is a blast. Are you being sarcastic? No. Like, it is legitimately fun. Hanging from ropes, swinging from left and right, you know? Yeah. Scaring the shit out of cats. Yeah. So, you know. Yeah, honestly. Tell us more. Like, what's something that you've rolled, I would say, up on? But I guess you're going down, right? Yes, sir. You're rolling down. Because it is kind of a crazy thing, right? You know? These condos or whatever downtown, all of a sudden, there's just somebody you don't ever fucking expect.

43:20Brian Redban:And there's somebody coming from fucking above. I scare people every day because they're like, what the fuck? It's a lot of fun. Right. What's one of the craziest things that you've seen rolling down on somebody's place? Nothing yet. Just a bunch of cats scared. My coworkers have seen wild shit, but I've only been doing it for four months. No tits in four months. No, sir. Unfortunately. You could see cats and tits if you roll by Red Band when he's naked in his condo. Yes, sir. Have your homies told you something that they have seen that's insane? A lot of naked women, yeah. Oh, that's it? Yep.

43:54Yeah, just pretty much it. People are standard, high-rise. They're chilling like Red Band. All right. Is your cousin really special needs? Yes, he does have Down syndrome. I don't know if he got ever the claps. I don't know. Really? So you just made up a story about a slow guy getting a bunch of pussy? Yeah. In fact, my mom told me he had Down syndrome after the fact. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, well. After the fact of what? Me writing the joke. Oh, wow. You didn't know that he had Down syndrome? Talked to my family that much. Wow. You've never seen him? Like, you couldn't tell by looking at him?

44:33Like the kid that... Neck, head, same size? I don't even know which cousin he is. Have you ever seen a special needs kid before? Yes, I have. They stand out, motherfucker.

44:46Brian Redban:I'm not being a dick. Holt wants to know what he's doing Wednesday at midnight. Zero. A probational period in that occupation? I think it was like a 90-day probation, yeah. It's a good union, too, isn't it? That one's a non-union. You were in a non-union? Yes, sir. I was a union iron worker for five years, but I switched to high-rise window washing so I could get off the building, go to an open mic, and crush on Kiltoni again. Amazing. Unbelievable. And you did. Have you never been scared of heights your whole life? Do you have tall parents that held you or something? I'm the guy who fell out of the two-story window when I was 15 months old.

45:26So, no, I haven't. I've always loved the views, and I've always taken a jump. How did that happen? It was hot as shit in Texas. I'm originally from Paris, Texas. And we were in Nacogdoches, apparently. The window was up, letting the breeze in. The screen was cracked. So when I got up on the couch, I looked over, and I just kept going in to the abyss. It was a lot of fun, apparently. Well, you know my name.

45:50Brian Redban:Yeah. very Eric Clapton-esque without a doubt same joke you made last time well yeah it's the same story I mean if you if you yeah exactly I mean that's just common sense so Fern what's the longest set you've ever done? 10 minutes I think wow alright and four years in only 10 minutes? yeah I don't get a lot of spots have you ever thought about running your own type of show or anything like that? when I was an iron worker that was working 68 hours or 58 hours in Waco So I was driving, waking up at 5 a.m., not even getting back till Austin, till 7 p.m., and I was still trying to hit mics. So running a show is just trying to get comics and everything else.

46:30It's kind of hard. Now... Yeah.

46:37Brian Redban:It's true. Holtzman is... Kill yourself! Kill yourself!

46:47Brian Redban:The rooster of excuses.

46:53Brian Redban:Fern, Red Band, what do you think? He had a really great set, you remember? Yeah. Wow. I mean, I've seen some of the lineups you put on on Thursdays. Well, I just, you know, it's pretty full, but I have an eight-minute spot open. Let's fucking go. Perfect. There you go. Fern. I mean, it was a great set. Maybe it's too distant. Maybe you forgot. Fern. Just Fern. Why do you go by Fern? It's my last name. What's your first name? Jason. Why do you go just by Fern? How many Jasons have you met versus how many Ferns have you met? There's one right there. Yeah. My full name. Wow. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, Fernando.

47:39My full name's Jason Alexander Fern. You just had a Jason Alexander on.

47:43Brian Redban:That is pretty crazy. And Jay Alexander was me and Red Band's favorite restaurant back in Columbus when we were in school. An unbelievable prime rib sandwich with extra spicy horseradish sauce on it. Have you heard of Jay Alexander's? I have not, sir. Well, now you know. Yes, sir. All right. What size joke book did you get last time you were on? Big joke book. Well, there you go. J.J. Alexander, ladies and gentlemen. Fern. I'm sorry, Fern. Thank you. Skipped around. One more time for Fern, everybody. All right. How exciting. We go on and on. Look at Heidi just hustling, picking up the yo-yo in the Rubik's Cube, replacing the old golden ticket with perhaps a new one.

48:32Brian Redban:I've never given out two in an episode, but anything can happen. And now, I present to you one of the longest names I've ever read in the show's history. This is Stephen Forrest Gump Poissier, ladies and gentlemen.

48:56Forrest Gump was bullied so much and so long, he ran so far and so fast that the bullets could not keep up with Forrest Gump. Forrest, when are you gonna stop running, Forrest? When, Forrest, when? That night in Jenny's dormitory, I fucked the shit out of Jenny. I was like, say my name, say my name. She's like, you're Forrest Gump. People call you Forrest Gump, Gump, Gumpity Gump, Gump. Oh, yeah.

49:29You may not know it, but I fuck like the wind blows. Yeah! Foss Gump used to work for the Bialabattery Police Department. And they said, Gun, Foss, gun, I took off running. I got fired. Anyways, life is like a box of cat shit, made up to look like chocolates, with a couple of chocolates mixed in. I hate cat shit. I guess I'm done.

50:00Brian Redban:All right, Stephen Forrest Gump Poissier. Am I saying that correctly, or is it Dozier? Dosher. Dosher. Fuck yeah. So, Stephen, your real name is Stephen Gump Dosher? No, I was trying to put Forrest Gump in there, Stephen Forrest Gump Dosher, because I know you have an affinity for Forrest Gump, and I wanted you to pull me today. Everyone has an affinity for Forrest Gump. So, Stephen, let me ask you, how long have you been doing stand-up? Last time I did stand-up was 1986. Wow. For you millennials out there, that's 32 years. For all of you that can do the math, XNA on the math day. It's literally 39 years.

50:46Brian Redban:Yes, that's right, Tony. That's absolutely correct. I like your style. I think you're funnier when you're not doing the wacky forest impression. I can just tell. Yeah, I had a regular minute for you, and I've got some stuff I really like. You know what I want to do right now, Ian? Is there something you want to say? I was just shocked that he had some stuff that he liked that he didn't bring. Yeah. Here's your chance to shine. Maybe I'll use that later. I got a lot of... He takes a lot of breaks. The forest thing was adorable and it was sweet. But you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to...

51:18Brian Redban:Your real name's Stephen Dozier? Yeah. I'm just going to reset it. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a minute from Stephen Dozier, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for Stephen. Restart the clock. So I've got selective Tourette syndrome, which basically means I'm just another fucking asshole. But speaking of fucking assholes, I was getting a colonoscopy the other day. And as I was going under the anesthesia, that's the gas that can kill you, not that hot Russian chick, which, frankly, I would have preferred. Anyways, I told the crew in there, I said, hey, if you could interview my asshole right now.

51:56And one of the guys goes, I've got a microphone. Great, my asshole was getting ready to say something important, profound, probably poetic, and this guy is going to be a fucking comedian. Thanks a lot, Tony. Thanks a lot. Anyways, if you could interview my asshole right now, this is probably what my asshole would say.

52:21Scene.

52:25okay i know everybody thinks i'm just another fucking asshole but the truth is is i've got hopes dreams and feelings like the rest of you so let's get this shit over with

52:42Brian Redban:all right stephen dozier so let's talk about your actual life stephen i have 437 questions uh going on in my head. What made you want to restart stand-up here tonight? Well, I retired, Tony. What did you retire from? I was a financial advisor. Oh, hell yeah. I was making too much fucking money. I love it. So I decided to quit. Are you serious? Yeah, they paid me to quit. They paid me to quit, but it's a great job. I loved them. And so I retired. and um but yeah i was thinking about doing comedy and then i started watching kill tony and then i started writing comedy it's all your fault i mean i have literally got two full books of stuff i'm in up there harassing all the other people up there telling my bits just to see if they like it i wrote a bit this morning you what i wrote a bit this morning i'm laughing my ass off in the garage my cats think i'm nuts how many cats do you have i've got two cats in the garage i'm Glad you brought that up.

53:45I've got two cats in the garage that jump through hoops, walk tight ropes, jump platforms. They are amazing. Wow. They are trained. Did you train them? I'll show you strippers, but strippers are harder to... Anyways. But, no, two cats. I trained them. It was all accident. Holtzman, come on. Brian. I don't want to hear about fucking cats.

54:09Brian Redban:You're always talking about pussy. What do you mean? I thought you talked to Mark Maron about this. Wouldn't he tell you that that should be one of the main things that you talk about in all of your act? You remind me of the guy on the airplane who needs extra help getting on. Look at you. You're a nightmare. Look at this. And you're a thief, a financial advisor. You're a thief! You're a fucking thief! Let me manage your money and take... How much percent do you take? How much fucking percent do you take? How did you get rich on other people's fucking money? I'm sorry, Tony. Oh, let me manage your money.

54:53I can manage my own fucking money. Look, don't sugarcoat this, okay?

55:01Brian Redban:Look at this. This is the world's wackiest nursing home over here. I expect it. I expect it from him. I expect it from him. It's okay. Same thing as a realtor. This is the bedroom. This is the backyard. That'll be fucking$10 ,000. I know where the backyard is. I know where a bathroom is. Sell it yourself. Sell your fucking house yourself. Steven, were you ever married or anything? Oh, yeah. I was married for about nine years. Lost my wife about 15 years ago. Where'd you lose her at? She passed away. Okay. Party time. How long ago was that? 15. 15 years. 15 years ago. Okay. That must have been hard, huh?

55:42Probably took her last life.

55:44Brian Redban:Okay. Hold on.

55:48Brian Redban:You guys are going to be arguing later when you're playing gin rummy with each other or whatever the hell. When you guys are playing chess at the park against each other. Your cost just went up. I love it. How did she die, Stephen? She committed. She really did? Oh my God. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry to hear that. It's okay. It happens. You know, things happen. Oh my God. That must have been so hard. Brian, stop. Stephen's having fun. We're having fun here. That's okay. That's okay. It's okay. You know, life has been good since then. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's been helpful. That's been helpful. Hell yeah.

56:33Brian Redban:That's it. That's all it takes. Comedy. Comedy has helped. That's right. Absolutely. A lot. I like your style. A whole lot. Oh, fuck, fuck, fucky fuck, fuck a lot. Where do you live now, Steven? I'm in Conroe, Willis area. Here. North of Houston. Okay, perfect. I know I'm not the... I don't look like I come from Houston. Mm-hmm.

56:57Brian Redban:Wait, what? I missed that one. How old are you, Steven? I'll be 64 in May. Wow. That's it? Yeah, I look good. I haven't been out in the sun a lot. I haven't been out in the sun a lot. Okay. You look a little bit older than you are. Thank you. Maybe it's the cane or something like that. Thank you. I'm older. I thought you were going to cut me some slag, give me some youngerness here. It's like I'm 35 years old, Tony. You don't like it when people lie. Holtzman, how old are you? I'm 35.

57:38Brian Redban:Maybe I should have said 35. No, you're good, Stephen. What else other than training your cats and goofing around? You know, I had my book with me, and I had 15 top 15 things to tell you. I built a clock. I built a marble clock. It took me six years. I just built it. This is why his wife probably... No, Holtzman. Stop. He's talking about cats and all sorts of... He makes very dark jokes, Stephen. It's hard. I know. I'll watch this guy. I love it. I love it. You're in the eye of the storm right now. We're good. We're good. How do you make a marble clock? You like chip away at it? No, I just, I just, no, I cut it up with the saw, of course, but I started, it's like a big chess piece.

58:20And then I'm like, you know, I've come this far, might as well go a little further. And then I built a little hobbit thing underneath it that encloses it. And it's, it's really amazing.

58:29Brian Redban:You guys seem bored. I'm so intrigued by this guy. The panel is literally just gasping and fucking. I've never met an Amish person before. Hey, I do like the cut. Yeah, well, I made my own clock. It is. It is very Amish. What the fuck? Your facial hair and your hobbies. Your human clocks. It is unbelievable. We have an eclectic group here. I'm not mad at you. I'm going to check in with our chief correspondent. Nobody wants to hear old people talk. Next, you're going to tell us they took a vein out of your ass and put it in your neck.

59:08Brian Redban:Wow. That's a fucking bumper sticker. Take a vein out of your ass and put it in your neck. BrianHoltzman.com does his own show every Thursday at 10 p.m. here in the Fat Man, Holtzman and Friends. It's unbelievable. IanBag.com, he's on tour. You're as sweet as I said you were. One more question for you. I know this interview He was going too long. But I just find you to be intriguing as hell. You know, you're 60-something. You look 80-something. You lived a whole life. I find it all so intriguing. You ever have kids? No, no kids. No kids. We were going to have kids. What's your secret to not having kids?

59:54Brian Redban:Holtzman. I pull out. I pull out very quickly. You pull out. Very good. I love it. And give me one more crazy fun fact about your life. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Here we go. So the top, the top. Well, I already told you the top two things. So there's a third thing that I do. Uh-oh. You got to put a couple. Wait, what are you? What is it, Stephen? Well, I'm just. What are you doing?

1:00:26I do a couple of them.

1:00:29Brian Redban:Whoa. You play the drums, Stephen? You really do? You play the drums? Really? Are you serious? Should we have a Mexican drum up here? Oh, my God. It's been a long time. Oh!

1:00:51Brian Redban:The hat goes backwards. Michael Gonzalez. It's kind of tough to get back there, Stephen. It's a tight squeeze, but there you go. Come on in there, Stephen. The first ever Mexican drum-off where a guy has to lean his cane up against the wall. This is Kill Tony history right now. Now, some of you might be new to the show. I see some tables of ladies out here and girlfriends that look like they've been kidnapped and dragged here. So if you don't know, So a Mexican drum off is legendary on this show. It is when somebody that pulled out of the bucket knows how to play the drums, gets to do a drum solo.

1:01:32Brian Redban:Here live, completely improvised, on the spot. They had no idea what the drum set would wait. Steven, relax. Steven, relax. You're like one of your fucking cats in the garage right now. Chill out over there. So here's how it works. He does a drum solo, and then Michael Gonzalez does a drum solo. The crowd decides who their favorite was. If Steven wins, and it's never happened before, the resident drummer on this show, I think is about all-time 67-0 against the bucket pool drummer. But if he happens to win, he will become the brand-new resident drummer on Kill Tony. Michael Gonzalez will have to switch lives, so Michael will be locked in a garage with cats running through hoops.

1:02:22Brian Redban:And Stephen will be here every Monday while Michael Katz sits for him.

1:02:31Brian Redban:You don't know if Katz... What? Right, I agree. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is a drum solo. This is a Mexican drum-off. And this is Stephen Dozier!

1:03:09Wow! Wow!

1:03:14Brian Redban:Steven Dozier!

1:03:20Brian Redban:I don't know if you guys know anything about percussion or I'm sure you don't have an angle at it but this motherfucker was just working the double bass pedals back here the musicians got very excited I happened to notice it as well Steven's putting up quite the fucking fight here he might actually be 25 just dressed up with prosthetics fucking brought out the cane trying to play dumb over here. Someone's playing possum. He's trying to get a full-time job on this show. The bad news is, Stephen, stay there. Stephen, stay there for right now while Michael plays so that the camera can get him. Ladies and gentlemen, the reigning, defending, undefeated resident drummer, this is a drum solo from Michael Gonzalez!

1:04:15Thank you.

1:04:44Brian Redban:Jesus fucking Christ! Holy shit! A true battle of the titans, ladies and gentlemen. Well, well, well. This is the part where you decide how many of you have Stephen Dozier winning that competition?

1:05:04Brian Redban:Oh, shit. How many of you have Michael Gonzalez winning?

1:05:12Brian Redban:Yeah, no doubt about it. they'll still argue online, I'm sure. But 100%, you could agree that Michael just slightly edged you out there, right, Stephen? He's warmed up. He's warmed up. Oh, shit! This motherfucker. Oh, my God. I like your style, Stephen. I love people of all different shapes and sizes coming in here and fucking playing around. Ian? Can I suggest for your stand-up that maybe it's behind a drum kit? It's been that way before. You should do it that way. I'm not being a dick, but you'll go farther. Yes, you are. How often do you come down here? How many times have you signed up, Stephen?

1:05:58This is my first time.

1:05:59Brian Redban:First time ever signing up. I came down today. I was the first one at Shakespeare's at noon today. You were there at noon. Look at you, you badass motherfucker. My brother is... He built a nice house up in Georgetown, and I called him yesterday. I said, hey, I'm coming. up to go on Kill Tony. I'm going to come by and see you. And he's like, you're not because I'm in Alaska. I said, okay. I'm going to Shakespeare's at noon. Well, there you go. Well, look at that. All that energy and manifesting it got you here. It's all your fault. I have literally written two books of material because of you. I love it.

1:06:32I love it. I started watching Kill Tony. I was already thinking about doing comedy when I retired. But I started watching Kill Tony like in March. And then I started writing in May, and I've literally written two books. I wrote something this morning I like a lot.

1:06:46Brian Redban:Okay, let's hear what you wrote this morning. Well, you know how women have that little ring in their nose? Well, back in my day, we would do that with the hogs on the farm. We'd put the ring in the nose on the hogs so they wouldn't root out under the fence. I guess a couple of these bitches got out. Hey, you son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!

1:07:11Brian Redban:Stephen, I'll tell you what Why don't you come back in a few weeks Or something And play drums On the pre-show Play a song or two with the boys over here I almost brought my electronic kit with me tonight Because you're always talking about Don't come up here unprepared You almost brought a whole fucking drum kit I've got three drum kits I've got one I'm trying to give away Wow, look at this guy. I gotta stop buying stuff. Ian? Sounds like the wife was insured. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. These dead wife jokes are coming in hot, Stephen. I love that you're laughing at them. You have a great fucking sense of humor.

1:07:49Brian Redban:You're a hell of a fucking sport. Thank you so much. And here. Stephen, here's the big joke book, buddy. I know you got your hands full. You ready for it? Oh, damn it. Son of a bitch. One more time. How loud can this place get for Stephen Docher, everybody? You fucking did it, buddy. Have a great night. There he goes. How exciting. Long interview. Long one. You deserve it, Stephen. There he goes. All right. We're going to keep it. You guys still having fun out there? I thought so. Your next bucket pull. 60 seconds uninterrupted. going by the name of Tommy Tickles, everyone. It's Tommy Tickles.

1:08:38Brian Redban:Uh-oh, we know Tommy's back. Thanks for Tommy Tickles, everyone.

1:08:49Y 'all might have guessed that I'm an amateur taxidermist. I'm an amateur because nobody's paying me to kill and stuff all these cats. Especially not my dickhead neighbors. I'm not a very good negotiator. When I first met the future Mrs. Tickles, I was like, I like to have sex when I wake up in the morning. I like to have sex before I go to bed at night. And on the weekends, I like to have sex three or four times a day. And she was like, how about a blowjob on your birthday? Okay. 14 blowjobs later and I'm still married. Yeah. I always pay my bills. Maybe not on time. I've never reneged on a bet.

1:09:48I did get fucked by a black guy twice. Down at the dog track. I always pay my debts. I'm not a reneger. If anybody would have called me a re-nigger, I would be pissed.

1:10:08Brian Redban:What the fuck did you just say?

1:10:13Brian Redban:He said, he said...

1:10:18Brian Redban:Hold on, chill, we're gonna go... Oh, whoa, what the fuck?

1:10:31Brian Redban:The little things. Carlos Sosa and that sax with a... God has the funniest timing in the world. Deep Madness coming back from a pee break after an old white man says the N-word a couple times. What did you say? If you don't pay your bets, then you renege on your bets. Right. And I've always paid my bets. Okay. And if anybody were to ask me. All right, don't repeat it again. I get it. It actually checks out. Technically, that makes sense. That's a loophole, if I've ever seen it. That is a loophole. That is a loophole. Leave it to an old country man to find a loophole. Even if you call me a wee nigga?

1:11:12Brian Redban:They're calling it John Dees. I would know what you meant. I would know what you meant. I'd be pissed.

1:11:25Brian Redban:The blacks have ruled it aloud. After review of the play, the call on the field has been overturned. Tommy Tickles is safe. Pay my bills. Wow. My goodness. I should have wacky ways to get racial slurs out there, too, instead of just doing them straight up. I used to think it was a racial slur, but somebody told me, that's not how you spell it.

1:12:00Oh, my God.

1:12:01Brian Redban:How many times did he write it down before he found out?

1:12:07Brian Redban:Yeah, what tombstone did you chisel it on? Here lies the...

1:12:17Brian Redban:Let's check in with our senior racial slur correspondent, Brian Holtzman. I didn't hear anything deogatory about anything.

1:12:28Brian Redban:Tommy Tickles, look at you. What a character. It is adorable old man night here at the Comedy Mothership. Back to back, the world's wackiest fucking nursing home. I don't know if you guys remember the movie Cocoon, but... This is what's happening here tonight. Yeah, I know. That's a reference you would make.

1:12:52Brian Redban:Tommy, how old are you? I'm 51. 51 is the same thing I just read. Oh.

1:13:03Brian Redban:Why do the people that sign up for the show look so old?

1:13:10Brian Redban:All right, all right. You look fantastic, bud. Don't let him put you down. No. Why do you look so old? How many of your wives have killed themselves?

1:13:22Brian Redban:All of them.

1:13:26Brian Redban:I've been married 14 years. Happily married. Amazing. Amazing. How do you keep things fresh in the bedroom, Tommy Tickles? All right. I got a few... Okay. Wow. He was ready. You know, you've got your quickie, which is easy. but, you know, if you're going to prepare, you might as well set the mood with a little music or whatever and, you know, don't have anything funny on TV. Hell yeah. Cats, you know, make sure your cats and your dogs are outside or whatever. Okay. But I have a position for you. Like, when you're going down on a lady, on a lady. Yeah. Yeah, guys, give me some good going down on a lady horn music.

1:14:04Brian Redban:Here we go. Keep going. Tommy, make sure you talk right into the tip of that. And you normally have the butt cheeks in this hand. You switch this hand over to the other butt cheek so that you can play around right here. That's my little secret. You can call it the Tommy Tickle. Holtzman's writing it down. Hand switch to the other butt cheek. Just like that. You got the butt cheek right there, and then you got this right here. It's the crossover. Crossover. Wow! Tommy Tickles. Take that home. The Cunnilingus Crossover, written by Tommy Tickles. And I like to keep things nice, and so we've started using organic lubricant.

1:14:49And my favorite, if you want to know... Uh-huh. Yeah, we do. Like olive oil?

1:14:55Brian Redban:That's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to say. Hi, honey, I'm home. Holtzman's never used lube on anything in his life. This is a dry, this guy goes dry jerky, dry rub. Sandpaper. What's your favorite kind of lube, Tommy Tickles? Come to Tommy Tickles 2025 on Instagram, and I'll show you what my favorite, I will show you the product. It's called VWU, coconut oil, and it's distributed right here in Austin. Wow. Holy. There's a guy back there that just loves a locally made product, no matter what. Someone just lost their mind back there. He's already sponsored? I think so. Tommy tickled coconut away.

1:15:42Brian Redban:I go with the other hand. That's where it's at. Yeah. Sometimes I go this way. Sometimes I go that way. Mmm. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. Oh. You're gonna need some help.

1:16:05Brian Redban:Tommy Tickles, you've been on this show before. You got a big joke book before? That's correct. There you go. Then you already got it. There he goes. Tommy Tickles. On to the next one we go. On to the next one. On to the next one. It's the great Jay-Z that once said the words. On to the next one. And so we go. Ladies and gentlemen, Your next bucket poll is Jermiah Bishop. Jermiah. Oh, the Kiltony debut of Jermiah Bishop, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, guys? So I just celebrated four months of sobriety. The proper response is to bow, I'm better than you. No, but I had to get sober. I loved cocaine way too much.

1:16:55can we just at least agree cocaine is the gayest drug you can do because how's it going to start me and you sir we're going to get a bag we go to the bathroom we pray nobody finds us how does it end six o 'clock in the morning we're going to talk about our hopes our dreams our goals our aspirations how we would love to open a beautiful little breakfast nook in wisconsin we might as well just suck each other's cocks at that point it would be way less gay

1:17:28Brian Redban:All right, 46 seconds of thunder from Jermiah Bishop. Hell yeah, Jermiah. Grab that microphone. That was the weirdest AA opening I've ever had. Hi, my name's Iz. I like to suck cock and open graphics. Jermiah, let the games begin, my friend. How old are you? 34. 34. Wow, just take note. He's only about 14 years younger than the last two guys that were out there. It's unbelievable. Okay. How long you been sober? Off cocaine for four months. Okay. How did you do it? How did you go no cocaine? Trying to quit hanging out on 6th Street drinking so much, honestly. All right. And that's what did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:18:17Brian Redban:How low did it get? How bad was it at one point? Before I moved out here, I was, like, homeless. I used to... Where were you at then? Florida. Oh, yeah, what part of Florida? Polk County, baby. Okay, there it is. Represent. This is what they look like there. Gross Malone.

1:18:41Brian Redban:Smelly roll. I like jelly rolling the pipe. All right.

1:18:49Brian Redban:uh jeremiah what do you do for work uh exactly are you a bar back i do pick up shifts at shakespeare's boom but i work uh in customer relations for a telecommunications company okay so you are on the phone headset absolutely okay how long you've been doing that for? About four years. All right. Very good. And these face tattoos, when did you start doing that exactly? I got my first one at 19. Which one was that? That'd be the anchor. What made you get an anchor on your face at 19? Mike Ness from Social Distortion is pretty cool. Okay. Do you play music or something? Fuck no, this is all I can do.

1:19:38Brian Redban:And you just decided I'm going to start. What's the red ink under the left eye? Broken with a broken heart for the O. Wow. And what made you get that one? Exactly what did you do the night before you decided to get that one? What do you have to do to your dopamine serotonin receptors exactly? Where you go, ah, you know what? I'm just going to permanently just let everyone fucking know. Cocaine. Right. Yeah. Unbelievable. Yeah, go ahead. I still got jewelry, though. I don't know how bad the cocaine hat was. I don't know how real the jewelry is. The tattoos are real. That jewelry is straight-up fucking quarter grab machine shit, right?

1:20:22Oh, no, this is legitimate, but I didn't buy it. It was passed down to me, so...

1:20:27Brian Redban:Okay. That's the first shit you sell when you're doing cocaine. Yeah. I hate it, Grandma. Let's fucking burn this shit. I thought it was fake for sure. I didn't even think those were tattoos. I just thought it was the jewelry bleeding green shit all over his body.

1:20:46Brian Redban:What do you do for fun? Now that you're not getting wasted and having late nights. I mean, hiking, camping, pretty much anything outdoors. Wow. In four months? I'm outdoorsy now. Well, I used to be homeless, so, you know, it's just... So you're still doing it. Just reliving the past. Tell us about your life as a homeless person. Tell us about your tricks to survival or some crazy lows or some things that you saw or had to do. Um, well, I always did the hobo sexual thing, you know? Nope. We don't know. What does that mean? It's where you sleep with somebody for a place to stay. Okay. Tell us about that.

1:21:30Well, see, I always fucked up because I would never get, like, a girl that had her own stuff going on. was always some gal that had a couple sugar daddies. I called it trickle-down dickonomics. Not real. That wasn't real.

1:21:45Brian Redban:Doesn't sound... No, it wasn't real. I think this kid lives in a rich house with rich parents. Did you have rich parents? I do get a rich parents vibe from you. Like, you were the renegade. You wanted to, no, fuck you, Mom and Dad. I want to show you. And then they're like, well, no, you're not. No, no, my parents were okay. Not super well off. We only had three bathrooms. Yeah. Did they have three bathrooms? No, no, no. Two bathrooms. Yeah. Outdoor shower? No. Brian Holtzman. I, I, quite frankly, I have, uh, I have nothing to say to you. I am completely uncomfortable just being on the same stage with this, with this it.

1:22:29I mean, the tattoos are okay, but, I mean, uh, the metal products, I mean, why don't you go in the back and blow the guy who was playing the drums i mean this is this is this is uh this is fucked up i'd rather have a

1:22:46Brian Redban:a helen keller look-alike up here so for those of you just listening to the podcast perhaps he does have the big gauge earrings and you have a piercing what do you call that part of the human body? That'd be your philtrum. Your philtrum. Yes, sir. Alright, and what made you decide to get that pierced just above the upper lip? Social distortion. Fucking catch a little bit of the cocaine, you know? Alright, but seriously. I don't know. I just thought it looked good. Okay. You have other crazy shit pierced or tattooed? You might love this one, Tony. It's your dick. I have my dick tattooed. Uh-huh.

1:23:29With Shawn Michaels logo. Wow. That is incredible. Prince Albert? No, no, just tattooed.

1:23:37Brian Redban:Tattooed. It's a tattoo. I know, me too. Like the hearts one? Yeah, broken hearts says HBK above it. It says HBK. Now, did you think that you'd find your dream girl or something? There's a guy that really wants to see it out there. I'd imagine It's online. Where online? Where can people find this at? You can find me online. Why is it a guy that thinks he's lying? Show us that hug. Show us that hug. No. No. Keno, go back to normal lighting, Keno.

1:24:19Yeah, you can find it on Twitter. Daddy Dick Wolf on Twitter. It's out there.

1:24:24Brian Redban:Daddy Dick Wolf, everybody. For those of you, for that guy, for those of you that are interested in seeing it, you can find it there. Here's a, uh, anything else for, uh... What's your worst decision in life? That's a great... Uh, bro. Wait a second. What the fuck? Is this you? Holy fuck, we found it. Wait a second. Hold on a second. What exactly are you doing here? Oh, no! What is that? What are you doing? Wait a second. Hold on. Spin it back around. What are you doing? What's wrong with you? I gotta make money somehow, Tony. You make money from jerking off? Yeah, yeah. I like him now!

1:25:18Brian Redban:Jesus Christ almighty. Oh, my God. How could you not mention this on a fucking interview? you. It's been eight minutes and now you find out that you stroke a cock for a living. Telecommunications with a headset. Yeah, fucking right, you creep. What's the craziest thing you've ever done sexually for money? For money? I mean like this way. I know when you were homeless, you probably buttfucked a fucking trucker or something. No, for money just shot content. Nothing crazy. The question would be when you say shock content, what's the most shocking thing you've ever done? You told us your Twitter handle like we were going to see your dick maybe and it turns out you're doing everything.

1:26:03Brian Redban:We just saw you pissing, stroking it, double stroke, two hand up and down. The old toilet plunge fucking motion. And how do you not talk about that during your fucking set? That's what I'm saying. It's incredible. Oh, I used to do cocaine. No fuck! You can watch me jack off. minutes after I get off stage. That's what you should be talking about. I don't have anything that's a minute about that. I got a couple of sets. You got 12 minutes of it. My friend, since you did 46 seconds and it was okay, here's a little joke. Oh, now right off his dick into the front row. That book just caught chlamydia.

1:26:42Brian Redban:There he goes, Jermiah Bishop, everybody. Holy cow. Holy cow is right. Huh? Brian, you ever do that kind of shit? Yeah, I did it, but I was in England at the time.

1:27:05Brian Redban:This is definitely, I'm pretty sure, a new name. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Hell's Bells, everybody. Hell's Bells.

1:27:20Hello, hello. So just a little bit about me. I'm a quirky person and have a very big habit of making an awkward situation much more awkward. For example, when I went back to school, I went to school with this guy named Alex. Alex came back from summer break as Alexa. So a bunch of us decided we were going to take Alexa out for lunch and celebrate this new transition. Well, our heterosexual young man server was really having a hard time with this. Alexa, bless her heart, was really trying to make the situation a little bit more lighthearted. She leans in to the table for the rest of us and says in her high-pitched voice, You know, I'd really like to just ask him...

1:28:09Can I have a cup of water, please? The rest of the table just laughed tails off. What do I say? You don't have the balls! Leave it to me. Awkward situation.

1:28:26Brian Redban:Hell's Bells, everybody. Hell's Bells. Welcome, Hell's Bells. Did you see the cock on the last guy? I heard. Hells Bells, how long have you been doing stand-up? Right now. This is your first time. Very good. Yes, sir. There you go. That makes sense. There you go. That makes sense. So, can I ask you how old you are, Hells Bells? 51. 51. Okay, very good. Actually, one of the youngest people on the show tonight.

1:28:58Brian Redban:What have you been doing with your life up until this point? What made you want to start stand-up here tonight? Well, I'm dating a young man. How young? He is ten years younger than me. Ooh, look at you. Yes. Does he have face tattoos? He is a big fan of your show. And so I've started watching your show, and I, you know, became a fan. Okay. Where'd you meet this young buck at? A soccer game. What kind of soccer game? A San Antonio soccer game. Oh, he's Latino? He is Latino. He is Latino. Found yourself a little fucking... Well, you wouldn't know it. He looks like a redhead like me. Sure, yeah.

1:29:44Brian Redban:I bet we would never know he's Latino. Yeah. There's no way. The world's greatest ice agent would walk right by him. Yeah, totally. Totally hell's bells. um so uh you um you have money how do you have money i know you have money because you're dating a 41 year old latino boy that's fucking the shit out of you for exactly that reason so how did you come across this newfound wealth wow um i'm a i'm a nurse i don't i work for my money i don't actually have money i work my tail end off okay well looks like you still have a lot of tail There. I don't think you've worked it off just yet.

1:30:33Brian Redban:What kind of nurse are you? I'm a registered nurse. Okay. Hell yeah. I love it. Is that because of the younger guys? Like a sex offender registered nurse? Yeah. She has to go to quinceañeras and introduce herself to the... She's not supposed to be that close to the soccer field.

1:30:54Brian Redban:so uh tell us more about your life what else has been going on well an interesting thing is we came from the same part of ohio oh what part are you from um newton falls okay yeah i know riceville actually okay for all fours newton falls so niles all that yeah i know it all very well how long were you uh where do you live now fredericksburg oh okay all right and what type of life are you living out there? What are you... What does that look like? You live by yourself? Um, yes, with my son. He's 20. Okay. I work from home. I do a lot of community things. You're an at-home registered nurse. I paid my dues, trust me.

1:31:41I worked the shifts. I've done and all that stuff. I now am an advocate, and I have 28 patients. Wow, amazing, incredible, okay. What do they come to your house? What are you talking about? I call them, it's all telemedicine. What is it? Telemedicine. So you're lazy, you wanna work from home. Hence the big ass. No, I'm very impressed with your figure. I like women that are just natural. Fuck working out. Fuck exercising. Fuck saying no to an extra piece of cake, perhaps.

1:32:22Oh, my God.

1:32:28Never missed a meal in her whole fucking life. Are you going to finish that piece of steak?

1:32:34Brian Redban:All right, all right, all right. I mean, a nurse. I mean, come on. Okay. Do you use a filter when you're talking to your patients? Do you use a catfish-like filter so that they... I can't tell if you're laughing or crying. I really hope you're laughing right now. I am definitely laughing. Perfect, great, awesome. I've got to be honest with you. It's the first time doing stand-up and she decides to do it here? Yeah. That's fucking amazing. It really is. That's stupid. It really is. You're out of control. Like, you don't plan things well. Yeah. We actually hate that. And I'm not crying. Turns out you do have bigger balls than Alex, after all.

1:33:18Brian Redban:Well, Hells Bells, congratulations. You got your start. Here's a little joke book. You going to catch it? It's coming at you. Maybe. I'm going to get it right in that hand. Oh! You panicked, Hells Bells. That's why she likes soccer players. Yeah, exactly. At least I didn't panic earlier. I should have kicked it to you. And I want to say thank you for your service. medical professionals, you know.

1:33:41Brian Redban:Thank you. One more time for Hell's Bells, everybody. All right. We're keeping it moving along here. This young man has been on the show multiple times. Always funny. Let's see what the new minute looks like from J.P. Hinsdale, everybody. Make some noise for J.P., everyone.

1:34:08How's everybody else's bipolar manic depression going? Fuck yeah, let's do this shit. See a lot of couples in the audience. That's what's up. I'm single. Shut the fuck up. I'll jump.

1:34:34Okay?

1:34:41I warned you. No, man, it's... If you are with somebody, stay. Like, stay where you are. I'm out here in the wilderness. There's nothing out here for you. It's just darkness on the edge of town. I was out with a girl recently, and she said, if you're lucky, I'll give you herpes tonight.

1:35:08I had to tell her I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I don't have health insurance. It's not okay, Cupid. That was my time. Thank you. Hell yeah.

1:35:23Brian Redban:One more time for Hell's Bells with a beard.

1:35:30Brian Redban:I'm kidding. J.P. Hinsdale is back. Funny stuff. What did you start with? Bipolar? what'd you say? Bipolar manic depression. You got that? Yes. Wow, look at you. That's like your fourth or fifth biggest problem, JP. It's not even in the top ten, but let's go with it. I love it. One could say you're a bipolar bear. Yeah.

1:35:56Brian Redban:I bring the beef. How do you deal with it when you're at your low lows? You're not hiking or walking or anything No. So what is it exactly? I was swimming, but the sea betrayed me, Tony. Yes, it did. They kept you in a tank at SeaWorld. Yeah. Your dorsal fin went soft. The kids stopped coming to see me. I couldn't splash anyone. Right. It made me very sad. This is white fish. Yeah, I got a clog in my blowhole. It was... You literally do like... You do look like you haven't taken a shit in a year. You look like you just... Little do you know that's mostly what I do. I bet. What do you like to do when you're sitting on the toilet?

1:36:39Brian Redban:How do you kill the time? I'm just wondering when I'm going to have my Elvis moment.

1:36:50Brian Redban:Like fame? Yeah. You're talking about eating another peanut butter and banana sandwich? Sure. Marrying a 15-year-old? Let's check in with our senior obese handler correspondent, Brian Holtzman. I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

1:37:11I think what happened here, and I've mentioned this to a friend before, I hope I'm not being accused of repeating myself, but I think what happened here, your gym burnt down, didn't it? Close. It gave me an infection. Jesus. Wow. What do you mean? That's why I told you this. He betrayed me, Tony. It was actually the pool at an L.A. Fitness. Keep going. Yeah. It got, like, really infected. I guess I had a cut or something, because they didn't clean the pool, right? And then I, like, I got really, I got sick in a weird way. Can you explain to us the weird way that you got sick? I got crazy delusional.

1:37:55Like, and I had a show that night. and like i got an argument with my friend that didn't make any sense and i jumped out of the car in the middle of the highway which was that was on the way to the show so that was the first clue and then i was going doing the show and i had this bit because my friend's show was called big dog sundays and i had i happened to have a dog sex mask yeah that's normal go ahead i can explain it to you, but it really doesn't matter. Okay. Yeah, and so I had this bit, like, I go up there with the mask and not explain it, but I take it off eventually. But I left the mask on the entire set.

1:38:34And people did not like it. Okay, we got a little off track here.

1:38:39Brian Redban:We were talking about the infection from the pool at LA Fitness. Then I got back to the house and our AZ was out, but I was, like, freezing cold. Your AZ was out? My AC. Okay. My AZ AZ. Okay? But yeah. And, like, I was, like, I had chills, and they were, like, talking to each other, trying to figure out if they should call the ambulance, but I don't have health insurance, so that was kind of the thing. And then for a while there, I couldn't walk for, like, a week because it just, like, my leg was just that fucked up. So what did they say that you had? I got an infection in my leg. I never went to the doctor.

1:39:12I just got better. I kept pouring alcohol. No, but you still got a fever, bud. What? Because I'm lost during this fucking conversation.

1:39:20Brian Redban:You never went to the doctor? Dude, I broke my leg and never went to the doctor. You know me. You've done this. That's why the leg's fucked up in the first place. Dude, you have to go to the doctor sometimes. I would like to. When's the last time you've been to a doctor?

1:39:41It's been a minute.

1:39:43Brian Redban:Okay. It's been a minute. How many minutes? How many years? Two. Okay. Yeah. It's not that bad. What did they say last time you were there? Come back more often? It's just like it got into a question about with the leg. They told me they had to break it again and put pins in it to make it right again. And I couldn't take off time to do that. And then I just, eventually I just got used to it. And then I was just like, you know what? I don't want to do... Take off time from what? I want to do this, so I do this. What'd you say, Ian? Take off time from what? Take off time from what? I was a mechanic.

1:40:16Brian Redban:Oh, yeah. What are you now? Nothing. How do you make money? I have my ways. When you say ways, do you mean W-E-I-G-H-S? Okay, some people like some very specific videos and... Look it up. Look it up. I'm fucking with you. Fucking look his up. I'm fucking with you. Hey, don't... Look up Johnny Sepsis. Red Van, we're friends. Red Van, come on, buddy. Have we weighed you before on this show? Yes, but please don't. I just started a diet. I'm not ready to kill myself today. Do you remember what you weighed last time? A lot. Do you remember what you weighed? Yes, yes. What was it? 4.30. 4.30. Yeah. Can we bring the scale out here real quick?

1:41:00Brian Redban:Oh, fucking hell, man. It's going to be bad. I know. That's why I'm excited right now. Skinniest girl ever brings the scale. The lovely Heidi is setting up the scale right now. Here we go. J.P. Hensdale. Heidi. You got eyes on that? Can you give me a read? Lean on him. What is it?

1:41:26Brian Redban:445.4 pounds. Yeah. JP. Yeah. What the fuck, dude? What are you doing? We need to save your life right now. I know. I don't know. I'm trying. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, thanks, man. JP, the last two times you've been on, you've had really depressing fucking material. Like, that's not normal that you used to have. Are you going through, like, depression? Like, hardcore? Red band. Have you been paying attention to anything that's been happening here? No, I know, but, like, did you ever have, like, medication for it? And, like, you've gotten... No. What are you talking... That's the worst question. Literally, the whole set and interview we've been talking about this.

1:42:06No, but his other interviews weren't like this. Or his other material... It could be seasonal depression.

1:42:10Brian Redban:Yeah. Yeah. It has to either be winter, summer, fall. Is there a doctor in here that might want to take this case? Is there a doctor in the house? Clap your hands if you're an actual doctor. Is that an actual doctor? Or just some dumb bitch clapping for no reason. There you go. I used to talk to my therapist every other week, but I lost the coverage I did have. Don't lose too much weight, because I'll tell you, and this is true for everybody here, The fatter your head, the smaller your ears look. That's great advice. It is. Thank you. And everybody's worried. Great little ears, doesn't it, though?

1:42:47Yeah. Because as we get older, your ears keep growing. That's why you see old people with big-ass fucking ears, big fucking noses, because the cartilage in your ears and in your nose, they keep growing. This is the great advice. Don't lose too much. I really appreciate it. You're like the grandpa that used to drink in front of me.

1:43:06Brian Redban:Thank you. Let's check in with the great Ian Bagg here. Apparently there is a doctor here. Dr. Holtzman. Dr. Holtzman. Your ear is small.

1:43:18Brian Redban:You have such an... Happy for you. You have such an adorable giggle. Thank you. It's going to play so well in the In Memoriam video. Yeah. Not the first to say that. Well, I bet. That's not a good sign if that's a joke that you hear. I've been to two friends this month. I'm still here. Okay. That wasn't funny. I'm sorry. That was me. I'm sorry. Oh, shit. This is bad. Hey, I'm fat, everybody. Come on. All right. Yeah, there we go. Okay, JP. Well, let me just tell you that you use the code SPACE80 at Talkspace. Without a doubt. Go to Talkspace.com slash Tony. Enter promo code SPACE80. and you, my friend, can literally get$80 off your first month.

1:44:07Brian Redban:I love Talkspace, man. Yeah, we love Talkspace and you should too. I'm glad I was here for this. You really touched me with your targeted ads. Thank you. JP Hinsdale, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes.

1:44:27Brian Redban:Put the mic back where you found it there, JP. it's the least you could do there all right i guess that's not really the spot but okay i guess that's just how he lives life just

1:44:43well you guys ready for one last bucket pull huh all right we'll make it quick make some noise for

1:44:49Brian Redban:isaac butterfield everybody isaac butterfield here he is Ah, g'day, Austin. How are you? Fantastic to be here. I tell you what, I'm learning a lot about this beautiful city. It's fantastic. It's gorgeous. I was walking down 6th Street. I saw a lady on her back and I saw her pussy. That was fantastic. Wonderful to see. I tell you what, though, she was, like, the full leg spread. I felt like I was in Dallas, though. It was an interesting pussy. It looked like JFK's exit wound. It was full on. It was... No, it was. It was crazy. There was a big old flap going over a Waymo. I saw Jackie Kennedy chasing.

1:45:28It was fantastic, wonderful, great. Although I've been hearing some... I know this is a very progressive town, sir, with your pink hair. Fantastic. Good stuff. Very progressive. I saw that Barbie recently released a Down Syndrome Barbie doll, which is very, very interesting. There was a lot of other Barbie dolls as well. There was a black Barbie doll. There was an Asian Barbie doll. There was a Barbie doll in a wheelchair. That was a cross-promotion with Hot Wheels, which is interesting. But the Down syndrome Barbie doll was my favourite. It had this... It was expensive. I wouldn't buy it, personally.

1:46:04Just put the regular Barbie doll in the microwave for 25 seconds and you get the same result. That's my thinking. Hello, Brian, how are you? You're well, sir? You're going all right?

1:46:13Brian Redban:Isaac Butterfield, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome, Isaac. Good to see you, sir. This is your first time on the show, correct? Thank you. How are you? First time here? Yes, first time on Kill Tony. It's great to be here. From what I hear backstage, you guys have been a fucking fantastic crowd. So good on you. Fantastic stuff. Look at you. Look at you trying to get them on your... What are you, running for governor or something? Hello. Isaac. Do you live here in America? I do not. I'm from Australia. Oh, okay. From Newcastle. So kangaroo, echidna, et cetera. There you go. Well, welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up?

1:46:4911 years. 11 years. Quite a while, yeah.

1:46:51Brian Redban:How long have you been in Austin? For about a week and a half, so it's good. I'm never coming back in summer. This is atrocious. Jesus Christ. It is a warm around here. So this is your second time signing up for the show? Yeah, I was here last week, and Tony always talks about, on Kill Tony, about the amount of people that sign up, but there is a huge amount of people next door, and it's an incredible thing that you and Brian have done, so congratulations to you two. Thank you very much. Not to suck cock too much. Thank you. It's good to be here. Go ahead, Brian. Why don't you just suck everybody off up here?

1:47:30Suck the blind guy off, too.

1:47:35Brian Redban:Yo, D Madness, famously the most homophobic person on this stage. Right, I got it. Literally just said, no.

1:47:47Isaac, what do you do for work? I'm a comedian so I'm a comedian from Australia and tour and all that type of stuff I'd make YouTube videos as well so yeah I love it tell us something crazy about your life I have paratismal dyskinesia big fan yeah it which is a movement disorder where I lose control of my head and my neck and I go blind in my left eye so fucking how dare you Brian how dare you So wait, when does this happen?

1:48:17Brian Redban:How often does this happen? Rarely. But my biggest fear is it happening on stage. So I actually wink quite a bit when I'm on stage. It's like a nervous fear. That's crazy because I noticed that. I thought you just winked at D-Badness after he said no. And I thought you were trying to be funny. But now that you mention it, I see you just wink a lot with your left eye. I do. I do. It's very weird. I don't do it any. But when you say you lose control of your head and neck, can you do an act out of kind of what it looks like? Like what happens when you have a... I would be honoured. basically yeah turn the lights up that'll fucking help I basically imagine trying to look behind yourself to see what's there that's it like that and I go blind in my left eye which is awesome so bright lights aren't great for me which is just fucking but it's okay so it hasn't happened on stage yet but there is time and that would be great for views absolutely no doubt about it you got nothing going on compared to the last guy.

1:49:14Yeah, exactly. Good luck with your blindness.

1:49:17Brian Redban:You should fucking talk to him afterwards. I could tell you had it better than the last guy when you said your diagnosis. Yo. He had an actual name of anything. Just like diabetes. It was an infection, Tony. It was an infection. I don't know. It was an infection. It was an infection. Diabetes causes blindness eventually, right? What does? Diabetes. Yeah, that too. Yeah. You saw him. I'm not. I'm back there. I had to fucking stand up like that to let him get past me. but that's... Allegedly. I don't know if it happened or not. Hell, yeah. Isaac, you have a wife, girlfriend... Oh, Holtzman. You know, I thought you were winking at me, and now I know it's a medical problem.

1:49:56I'm kind of disappointed. You look like you've sucked a clown off.

1:50:04Brian Redban:He does look... That is it. You nailed it. You got him. I'll have you working for Holtzman. Fuck yourself.

1:50:19You have a wife, a girlfriend? I have a beautiful wife, Claire, and my son Atticus. We're touring America at the moment doing shows, and so he gets to see the world. How old's Atticus? He is two and a half. First time he came to America, he was five months old, and we got off the plane in Austin, and he had his little fan on, and he's a great man he finds farts hilarious, and he's just a... He's an absolute legend.

1:50:40Brian Redban:Did you sign up for the show that last time you came to Austin? No, I didn't. No, I was too scared, Tony. Okay. Because, not to be a fucking hero, but I usually do longer sets, so a minute really scares me. Right. Yeah. Again, Holtzman killing with no microphone necessary. Just the first four... It scared us, too! Just the first four rows cracking up in the whole table. Who cares about the millions watching around the world? Again, the senior veteran professional on stage, Brian Holtzman. The destroyer. No audio necessary. I love it. Isaac, what does your wife do? She is unemployed. She's a stay-at-home mum.

1:51:25She's a failure. She's a whore!

1:51:33No, she is a whore. But she's a good whore. And she's got a lot of heart. And a good woman.

1:51:42Brian Redban:How long are you in town for, Isaac? I'm here until Wednesday, and then we're going to L.A. to the Hollywood Improv, if you're around, and then into New York as well. Okay. Everywhere. I finally got a visa. That is the hardest thing I've ever done. Getting a visa into America is ridiculous. What did you have to do to get it? I had to prove I was an alien of extraordinary ability. Ooh. I had to show them articles about myself, and all of those articles say I'm a piece of shit. So that was tough. But basically it costs you a lot of money, and you have to prove to the people that you're a legit human being.

1:52:18And that's what I had to do, and show that I was a comedian, et cetera, et cetera. But we're here. We finally got here. You made it.

1:52:25Brian Redban:You won't have to be looking over your shoulder anymore. It's great to be here. And I got to do the most American thing today. I got to shoot an AK-47. Whoa. Amazing. Nothing better than a winky, twitchy guy shooting an AK-47. I like the most American thing is shooting a Russian gun. Yeah. That's very fair. Isaac, you're super likable, super cool, great stuff. Here's a big joke book. Thank you, Tony. There you go. Appreciate it, Tom. Isaac Butterfield, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. And that is it for the bucket pools. Ladies and gentlemen, we have come to that part of the show where normally there's only one man that can do it, but that man, William Montgomery, unfortunately, is not here tonight.

1:53:17Brian Redban:It is correct. The rare night off for old Billy McGumballs, the old Memphis Strangler, the vanilla gorilla, is not here. And normally, in that kind of situation, we would have the cold-blooded Estonian assassin fill in for him. But again, unfortunately, all my stars are far away in the galaxy on this night, except for one. I had to really fucking pull some strings to make this happen. I hope that it excites you as much as it excites me. As I bring to the stage who I believe is the next big superstar of the Kill Tony universe. Fresh off of his first ever weekend opening for me, and I was very curious of how it was going to go.

1:54:11Brian Redban:I've been doing this 18 years. He blew my fucking mind on the road doing these longer sets, and I present to you a pure thunderbolt of momentum on a one-way trajectory of wild success. This is only the third ever appearance by the one and only Timmy Nobritz!

1:54:46What the fuck was that? All right, William isn't here, so he sent me his jokes.

1:54:59Just gonna go through them. Uh, Elon Musk said in an interview this week that AI will replace Mexicans by 2028, to which Mexicans said, ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!

1:55:17Good. Good job, William. Um, this one just says, Tony, moving forward, can I go by Clifford the Big Red Angry Retard? Okay, I think that might have been an interview thing. I don't fucking know. Okay, Vietnam invaded Italy this week. When asked why, they said forget about it. I think that needs work, William.

1:55:44Conservative activist Charlie Cook... Nope, let's...

1:55:52Red Band, if you play the bear, I'm gonna titty fuck you. All right. Nash's perseverance robot, my hands are shaking because I'm going through pussy withdrawal right now. I haven't fucked in like two hours.

1:56:07It just, honestly, this just says the N-word a bunch of times. Let's just wrap it up right there. All right, thank you, William.

1:56:14Brian Redban:Boom. A minute, 25 seconds of the newest fucking Thunderbolt. Timmy, no brakes. All gas, no brakes, non-stop, so fun, on the road, at home, anywhere you can find him. He's a blast. Yeah. New jacket I noticed tonight, Timmy, no brakes. This is a whole different version. You're not wrong, Tone. Um... You didn't mention David Lucas was on the road with us. Yeah. And, uh, that guy sat on my leather jacket. It exploded. And, um... He gave me his leather jacket and, uh... Just kidding. This is too small.

1:57:01But yeah, fun times on the road, Tone.

1:57:03Brian Redban:It was unbelievable. I don't want to give anything away, but oh my God, you are so different. It's so bizarre and fun and different. There's no other way to describe it. You don't even think like other comedians do. Yeah. It's just... Thanks. That's a nice thing to say, Tone. That's really, really nice. Thank you. Thank you. He was fucking right. This looks like a clown just on his chest. It's unbelievable, right? It's crazy. It looks like fucking Adolf Hitler became a magician. What the fuck is it? It looks like he got splashed by one of those people protesting oil or something like that. A little bit.

1:57:45Brian Redban:A little bit. Fuck yourself. I'll take it, Grandpa. Now he's good. Timmy No Breaks, one of the top young rising comedians in the world. Fuck this jacket. You want this, Michael? Michael's going to disappear in that jacket. Love them. It is unbelievable how tiny Big Mike Gonzalez is coming fresh off of a victory. Oh, my God. Look at him. He's just lost in his sleeve. Oh, my God. That is adorable. You look like one of those. Just like David Lucas. You look like a little Eskimo over there. Timmy No Breaks, tell us, what have you been doing lately for fun? You're always up to, you know, some real ruckus.

1:58:34Yeah, just being, just plowing through puss and, um... I mean, it was great to be on the road with you. That was really fun. You and David, we got up to crazy stuff. I love seeing your routine, you know, kind of like what you do after the shows, like that thing you did when you, uh... So, like, after every show, he smokes cigarettes, he has some drinks, and then he does his thing where he has a bunch of 17-year-olds that are about to turn 18 at midnight just line up outside of his hotel room, and um and then he fucks him one by one and it's good i thought that was pretty creative and like cool and like whatever you know so it was fun it's pretty good to get to know you um yeah it was good fresh what was that what what the fuck did you just say yeah what the fuck do you just say?

1:59:22Dumbass! Dumbass! I'm trying to do William. I'm trying to fucking... Shut the fuck up!

1:59:33Brian Redban:Timmy, I gotta tell you, you know, for someone who's... This place is in chaos. I mean, this is what you create. It's always a ruckus. And I'm sure millions of people are watching around the world right now. And I mean, you are that guy right now. You are the fastest rising stock in the show. Why don't you control the situation a little bit and tell perhaps a young comic out there who might be thinking about chasing their dreams. Why don't you have your moment and tell them. Are you trying to fuck me right now? What's going on? No, I'm trying to have you. Okay, well, first of all, put subtitles on everything throughout the entire episode.

2:00:13So you have to do that, Red Band. But William did give me a list. It was Epstein's list. So I was just gonna, I don't know, I could read that maybe?

2:00:24Brian Redban:Yeah, you want the lights or the music a certain way? Whatever, you know, do your thing to me. Yeah, whatever you do for William is good. If you're trying to be a comedian and that's your dream, fucking quit, you're never gonna make it. Okay, let's see how this goes, all right. Brendan Spears! Oh! Christina Aguilera! Raven Simone! That's actually so Raven. Um... The cast of Nickelodeon's All Dead! Oh, that's actually the victim list. Uh... That's fucking weird. Yeah, my bad. Uh... It just says, uh... It says, the madness times 500. I don't... To be fair, they probably sounded 19, you know? Am I right?

2:01:18Am I right?

2:01:23Brian Redban:Timmy always going for that fist bump with D madness. I think I don't think he has any. Is he like blind or something? He is. He's blind. Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ. We call them Timmy no eyes. Whoa. Okay. Whoa. If you could have seen what I saw. Whoa. Timmy, any parting words? Anything you want to tell the people watching around the world?

2:01:53Fucking Fuck you

2:01:57Brian Redban:You've been doing a lot of headlining gigs You did a big jazz club Yeah, I did a huge jazz club I think it was a 50 ,000 seat or something Sioux Falls I don't know if you guys have been there It's like South Dakota, whatever Big show Yeah, big line out the front and yeah, just gave it my all and they said it was good. I think the New York Times was there. They did an op-ed. I think Vulture.com was there. They did an op-ed. I think Red Band's mom was there. She did a fucking op-ed on my fucking car. Timmy No Breaks, ladies and gentlemen, has done it again. The future has arrived. This episode brought to you by Blue Chew, ZipRecruiter, and Spotify.

2:02:40Brian Redban:One more time for Timmy No Breaks.

2:02:45Brian Redban:The drawing from Ryan J. Ebel is in. It is incredible. It is Holtzman and Ian Bagg. Ladies and gentlemen, go to ianbagg.com. He is on tour. I swear to God, if you see him live, your mind will be blown. Truly one of the best comedians out there. He has the Husky Boys podcast available everywhere. And Brian Holtzman, as always, has brought visual plugs. On Facebook, he's Brian Holtzman. on YouTube he's Brian Holtzman now I guess oh I see okay it is two sided and on Instagram he's at Brian Holtzman he prints these up and laminates them instead of just telling me and me writing them down he actually brings them was Brian Holtzman not available on YouTube you needed Brian Holtzman now yeah

2:03:44Brian Redban:How about one more time for, yeah, Ian. Thanks for having us, man. Thank you so much. This is a great show. And you're fantastic. Thank you for having us. Husky Boys podcast, ianbagg.com. That's I-A-N-I-A-N-B-A-G-G, double G. And Brian Holtzman does The Late Show every Thursday in The Fat Man, 10 p.m. So technically you could go to Red Band Secret Show, double up, come see Holtzman and The Fat Man for a perfect fucking five, six hours of stand-up comedy on a Thursday night if you find yourself in Austin, Texas. And life is good. I'm going to be doing some stand-up. Check out my dates at TonyHinchcliffe.com.

2:04:22Brian Redban:Red Band. Check out my fake band, Cap Red 7. New video, VCR on YouTube right now. Thank you. It is AI music, ladies and gentlemen. I write the lyrics and make the beats. Amazing. Unbelievable stuff. It is incredible. He plugs in the words and music. I write lyrics and upload beats and have AI sing it for me. How do you make the beats? On Frutty Loops and GarageBand. Wow. It's getting unbelievable. The musician Brian Redband has arrived, ladies and gentlemen. Blue Chew, ZipRecruiter, Shopify, everybody. Live audience, we love you. We'll see you again next week. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody.

2:05:09Thank you.

2:05:35The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

2:06:07Thank you.