#741 - PAULY SHORE + ROSEANNE

24:25I mean, seriously, and who told you you were funny, really? That's a good follow-up question. There's a lot of white nerdy men in comedy, and when I walk in the room, oh, they just die. But I have absolutely killed it in rooms. So sometimes we bomb, sometimes we fucking kill it, and I have fucking killed it before. Okay, but, like, it doesn't seem like... It doesn't seem like you have a lot of respect for comedy if you come up there reading notes. You didn't even fucking memorize your fucking shitty act. It's true. That is true. You can't go up there with, you know, your shitty jokes wrote on recipe cards and read them off.

25:06I mean, that's rule number one. You should know that. You should at least memorize your shit, you know, and get some delivery. Yeah. You ever heard of that, delivery? I have. I have. And also, a joke is a premise and then a payoff. You don't even have any fucking punchlines. I gotcha. I mean, really, I'm glad you're an influencer on whatever the fuck it is you do. Yeah. And my advice is don't quit your fucking day job, bitch. And I mean that in the best possible, most positive way I can. Direct, absolute. And you follow that advice. And when I see you again, you know, I'll have better things to say to you.

25:57But don't disrespect us with that shit just because you have a vagina. Okay. Period. Wow, Roseanne Barr, ladies and gentlemen, dropping knowledge. I mean, I'm 72, I don't have time to fuck around. Yeah!

26:21And let me tell you, you know, you were the first bucket pull of the night. This might seem like some tough medicine to take, but you are lucky enough to get to hear it from the true queen. And if you apply what she just told you to the rest of your life, sign up again, do better, no cards, and people will remember you forever. You could be a fucking legend. Who knows? And she can't open for me anymore at fucking high school. Now that I think about it, you're right. I was fucked up before. Now it's starting to come. Well, I have a lot of different perceptions. I mean, she breastfed me when I was a child.

26:56I'm fucked up, dude. I go wishy-washy. I'm bisexual. Give me a break. Ashley, your jokes have been returned to you with a little joke book attached. Congratulations, you were the first bucket pull of the night. Take the sage advice. Oh my God. Wow. Jesus Christ. Paulie is out of control tonight. I mean, he's literally insane. Paulie, we're trying to avoid lawsuits tonight, please. If you could just try to... Maybe just 15 % chill, Paulie. There goes Ashley, everybody. There she goes. I mean, you just... You ripped up her stuff, Pauly. Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen. The great Heidi and Valerie Vaughn.

27:45This is normally only reserved for arenas, having both of them at the same time. Oh, my goodness. What did we miss? A tit-pop out or something? What was that second pop for? Yes, yes. How could I have guessed that a tit popped out? Let's give it up to the Kill Tony band. Oh, okay, we're going to do that right now. Again, Pauly, I'm about to beat the living shit out of you. I swear to God. I'm about to beat you. You're going to be the first person I guess I ever beat up during the show. All right. Back to the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to meet another comedian all together.

28:24Make some noise for Brian Cook, everyone. Here we go. Brian Cook, 60 seconds uninterrupted. Thank you very much. But I have some bad news, Kill Tony. I have a friend, a singer-songwriter friend here in Austin, who he got some bad news from back home. He had a friend who overdosed, and he passed away, and he's very sad about it, and he's down in the dumps, but he's never sounded better. Guitar sounds great. Vocals sound great. He was playing for Quarters on 6th Street the other day, you know, on the sidewalk, made$80 in one afternoon. He had a high roller give him a$100 bill. So if we're getting results like this, let's kill all his friends.

29:02Let's kill everyone he's ever met and take him to the top of the charts. You see, Dave Grohl's don't grow on trees. It takes a lot of pain and suffering to create America's next pop sensation. So let's contribute to it by killing everyone he's ever met. He'll be opening for Pearl Jam in no time. It's in our best interest as a nation, okay? It's in these trying times. that I had once considered converting to Islam, but instead, I'm converting to K2. You know what the homeless people smoke out here? Don't they look so happy when they're passed out on the sidewalk? I want in on that, so that's what I'm going to be doing after this set.

29:40Thank you very much. Okay. Here we go again. No note cards. That's a good sign. You had that memorized. It was that, but you had it memorized, you son of a bitch, and for that alone, we are grateful. Can I? Yes, Pauly Shore. I just want to tell you, this show has fucking changed since last time I was on it. Yeah, it's true. What the fuck are the comedians, bro? What the fuck? I know this is a political fucking rally here. I know. I know. The only ones here tonight are me and Roseanne, it seems to be. There's a wannabe host, control freak, and a sound effects specialist.

30:23Sweet.

30:27Brian, okay, let's talk about it Because you've been funny on this show before I remember you That was kind of a rough set I don't think anybody knows really How many of you know what K2 is by a round of applause? Oh, a lot of dirty drug addicts in the room I had never even heard of it before Is that like fentanyl? What is that? It's the synthetic weed that if people used to be on probation They get drug tested That's how it started How it ended is all these people under the red light losing their mind It's ketamine, right? In the ballpark I think it's like oregano with carpet cleaner on it. It's an unknown substance.

30:59So people are smoking it. It's like homeless people? Mostly. It's their favorite. Okay. All right. Okay. Brian, remind us. What do you do for work? I was a hospitality ambassador downtown, but yeah. Okay. What happened? well besides the dire fear of getting stabbed with a screwdriver it was specifically what happened is i said the f word in the midst of a 911 call when i might have been distracted by someone else so sorry for the rough length tell us exactly what happened there as quickly as you can brian without airing out another location on 6th street some people overdosed and the cops were coming around asking everyone about it, and someone said they had information about the case, and then they started passing out, and I'm just on the sidewalk wondering what I did to deserve this.

31:56Wow. Are you on K2? Not right now. Not right now? Do you do it sometimes? What do you do? When you want to let it rip and let loose, what exactly do you do? These days, it's just smoking a blunt before the show, because I honestly blame you for a little bit, Tony, because I had a viral moment the last time I was on. What was that? What happened? I sang with the band. What did you sing? What happened? The death metal thing, I was making a bunch of noises like a caveman. It was fun. And then all of a sudden everyone wanted to party with me, and it got out of control for about six months, and we wanted to take some time off to get our priorities straight earlier this year.

32:37So because of the moment that you had on Kill Tony, people found you online, hit you up, and said, hey, want to do drugs and hang out? See me here on 6th Street doing the clubs locally. Like, I'm sure you have people that want autographs and want pictures. I have people that want to party with me. And I did. Wow. Well, I don't think you're going to have to worry about that after tonight's showing. There's a lot of people deleting their outbox and emails to you right now online. Except for me, bro. Yeah. Let's rock and roll. I love it. So, Brian, what do you do for work now? We're on the job hunt and how long have you been unemployed exactly three weeks three weeks how much money do you have saved?

33:19That's a question only asked in the kill Tony universe a lot of late-night shows and people like that They find it to be private and and you know They wouldn't go for that and ask somebody that I love to find out I consider this show raw and real And I love the fact is with you. I'm looking at you brother. It could be fucking anything could be the answer right now You could have inherited$3.5 million at some point. You could also have$45 in only Uber Eats cash right now. It could be anywhere. Tell us the honest answer. How much money do you have to survive and live off of right now? What is the net worth of Brian Cook?

33:56$1 ,200. Wow. Amazing. There's an asterisk on that because I have rental assistance from the VA, so it's affordable. Okay, so that's great. So you have a little monthly check coming in. Yes. Amazing. And how much is that monthly check? $900. $900. $870. What's your rent? The portion I pay is$600. $600. So you have about two months. To land something. To land something. Where do you see yourself being a good fit? You were once a hospitality ambassador somewhere downtown. The delivery driver thing was working out for years. Being in the band by myself seemed to be a good place to be. So I'm open to that.

34:35But honestly, it's prospective employers out there. I have, like, appointments and shows here in life and other obligations, so I need that first half of the week off. If I could work the weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that'd be great. Wow. Awfully picky for a guy that nobody wants to hire. Yeah. Pauly Shore. I think you can work at Voodoo Donuts, bro. Ooh, good call. Because I've been there lately. The people that are working there, they're very sweet and they're very nice, but this guy, you're a hospitality major, bro. So when you walk in, you're like, welcome to Voodoo Donuts. You know what I mean?

35:12Let me hear you say it. Welcome to Voodoo Donuts. Yeah, you want some donuts with bacon on it? We're gonna check in. That's good, Pauly. We're gonna check in with Roseanne Barnow. I just wonder if, like, people started killing all your friends if you'd get funnier. Oh, I do.

35:31I love this. We got the real Roseanne. We got sober, awesome, alive Roseanne tonight. Sometimes, I'm going to be honest with you guys, sometimes the last few appearances, maybe a little bit too much pre-gaming up in the green room. Yeah, I got to stay away from the weed you got up there. That is true, you do. You know, it does make me out of my mind, and I act like Polly. So...

36:04You missed it. Redman and I just gave her a standing ovation. And I don't think we've ever done that in 12 and a half years of doing this show. Almost 800 episodes. I don't think we've ever just given a guest a standing ovation. Why did you give me a standing ovation? Why the fuck did you give me a standing ovation? I missed it, motherfucker. I didn't see it. Brian, we hope that you find a way to make money. We're going to find out. We're going to get an update next time you're on. How often do you sign up for the show, Brian? It's been about every other week. Okay. It's two, three times. Well, you'll get pulled again, and I expect a full update.

36:42$1 ,200. He's got about$400 coming in every month and$600 rent. Follow it closely. That's Brian. Yeah, one more piece of advice from the great Roseanne Barr. I think you should act like you are drugged up. Because then that goes with your material. Because you're being real straight doing this funky material. But I think you could pull it off if you'd act like you were really effed up. You know what I mean? It goes with your material. I accept your advice and won't cooperate. I absolutely, again, agree with the great Roseanne Barr. Ladies and gentlemen. If I do the lucky duck, I get two extra minutes in perpetuity.

37:22All right, there he goes, Brian Cook, everybody. Wow, we're having fun here tonight. Some wacky bucket pools and icons and legends giving feedback. This is about as much fun as it gets for me. Okay, we know this next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen. She has been on this show a few times before, and it, they, them is a comedian here in Texas. Make some noise for Phoenix Provocateur, ladies and gentlemen.

38:00Whew! Shit, I just got back from Dallas, popping my pussy everywhere I can. My dad would be so proud. And yes, I know my dad. He literally calls me every other birthday. I actually just turned 29 a few weeks ago, believe it or not. Yeah, yeah, make some noise, make some noise. Yes. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to have a pool party or just drink my pool. It was just a lot, but I think I'll be okay. My beauty feels like it's still on an incline, or at least the hormones are still doing their job, if you know what I mean. And, and, and, sucking dick is great for your jawline if you didn't know that.

38:47If you didn't know, if you didn't know. I actually just broke a nail-given a handjob in the fucking back alley.

39:03Oh, hi, yeah. All right. I must have missed the cough. Pauly thought he was dying for a second. Pauly, you okay? Was that a boner I just saw when you stood up a second ago? When she coughed, I came in my pants. I love it. One more time for Phoenix, everybody. Phoenix, welcome back to the show. Thank you. You know, a lot of Texans might be confused when they see you. Meanwhile, you know yourself better than the last two bucket pools, it appears. You were the only person to get any audible volume of laughter from the audience through your set. Congratulations and welcome back. How's life been going for you, Phoenix?

39:47Pretty good, pretty good. Been trying to stay booked and busy. Perfect. Remind us, the viewers in our esteemed panel, how long you've been doing stand-up. It's been almost three years now. Three years. And all of it, you are a trans woman. and always were. Yes. Right. Well, I transitioned medically about three years ago as well, maybe a little bit before I did comedy, but I've been socially transitioning since I was probably like 14. Right. And medical means? Hormones. Right. And how are those affecting you? Is it still the same? Anything new? I always find it so interesting. Are you like feeling more like a woman every day, or are you starting to get to like school shooter mode?

40:35No. You know, these levels, they have to be checked. If you just keep taking stuff, turns out it's not always good for everybody's brain. But you seem to have a good handle on yourself. You seem very present, you always have. You don't own any guns, right? A rifle? No. Perfect. Great. Tell us about it. The hormones make me feel soft, for one. And they keep me sane, really, because I don't know what I... I mean, I would look like this no matter what the case was, like whether it was about being a woman or whatever. I'd just be that bitch walking down the street being my own person. So they've kind of just helped me with the things, I guess, fill out my aesthetic.

41:14That's the main thing. Titties, nice skin. Yeah. Yeah. That's about it. Amazing. And remind us, what do you do for work again? I feel like you ask me this question a lot, but my main thing for work is the stage. I only work on stage. What do you do on stage? Drag, stand-up, dancing, choreography, makeup. I love it. Anything. You have a steady boyfriend? I do. How long have you been with this guy? It'll be six years at the end of the year. Wow, look at that. A steady relationship. Incredible. These people that have their own vaginas and penises and stuff can't even figure it out. Meanwhile, a complex character like you.

42:00A six-year relationship. having fun, being an artist, you make enough money to live comfortably? Or are you pulling a little Brian Cook out there, surviving off of what appears to be$400 a month as the last comedian? Hey, I make decent enough money to be comfortable, but I'm not super expensive. Like, this is a$7 dress with about$200 worth of stones on it that I did myself. Yeah, okay. What does the boyfriend do for work? He's a crane operator. Oh, wow. Okay, yes. It's coming back to me now. I remember the jokes that I made last time. There's a lot of good crane operating jokes when the girlfriend in the relationship probably, I'm guessing, has a huge cock.

42:44Am I right? Yes. Yes, of course. Yes. Tonka. You are tall. How tall are you without heels or whatever? 5 '10". Oh, okay. Yeah. Just to get the visuals, he wants to bend over in front of you. Wow. Look at that. Look at that. Did you know I was a crane operator? For real, we want to come out. Why don't you just tell them that I'm the person that you've been dating for six years, please. Thank you.

43:21Phoenix. I haven't been paid to say it. I love it. Phoenix, how has stand-up been going for you? Do you find yourself getting better, having more fun? Take us through your three-year process here. Well, I've been hosting an open mic in Dallas with a new club that just kind of started, so kind of building a show there has given me the chance to be able just to speak a little bit more, even though I'm, like, shaky as fuck right now. Sorry. But, yeah, it's been fun. and also hosting drag shows to where I'm used to, like, cussing out faggots and gay boys and all that other fun. There you go. I'm pretty sure you can say that word, and it doesn't have to be bleeped, by the way.

44:00Yeah. Which word do you want me to say? Famous homophobe D-Madness suddenly has to pee, everybody. Notorious resident homophobe of the show D-Madness needing an immediate pee. I seen enough of this shit. Man, I gotta take a piss if I ever had to in my life. I haven't had a cup of water in three days, but I gotta piss all of a sudden. God damn it. Well, that's fucked up, because who's gonna tell him he has rainbow glasses on? That's a good point. That's a good point. Look at this little rivalry. D-madness versus she-madness. This is incredible. Roseanne Barr. I mean, this is an interesting predicament for you.

44:50A powerful woman that swings and punches like a man and has a huge cock. Yes, I do. It is. It's way bigger than yours. That's true. That's true. I agree. I know. I don't know about that. I've seen them both. Anyways. Well, I think you've got a great look. Thank you. Thank you. And you have some presence on stage and some confidence. The only thing you ain't got is any jokes. And you should have. I mean, you should have a wealth of jokes and some snapbacks. You know, you should. For sure. For sure you should, and I don't know why you don't. And I'm mad at you because you don't. Because, you know, you've been on both sides of the street, and you should have something to say about it.

45:39Yeah. God damn. Why don't you? Damn. Roseanne is dialed in. Why don't you? You know, why don't you? You should tell us more about your dad. You should tell us why he don't call you. You should be pissed off about it and have some shit to say, girl. Roseanne is batting 1 ,001 % tonight. Right. Well, I think part of the reason my dad doesn't call me is because he watches this show. He watches this show religiously, so he's going to be like, I don't want any relation with that thing. Hold on a second. Was your dad a fan of the show before you started coming on it? Yeah. Did you know he was a fan before you started signing up?

46:20I didn't. He called me like a week before, like my episode came out the first time, and I was like, oh, well, by the way, I'm going to be on that show next week. And then my episode dropped. Did he not know about your life and everything? No, that's the whole every other birthday thing. Oh. Yeah. I mean, he's probably gonna call me now. He watches it as fuck. Wow. But yeah. Well, what do you want to say to him? Yeah, exactly. Say something to him. This is yours. Where's my camera? Play some music, please. Go to camera. There's lipstick on your teeth. Where's the red? Well, I guess it's blue tonight.

47:00That little blue light over there, you see that? Yes. Dad. I'm sorry every time you see me. I just get gayer and gayer.

47:17Every time.

47:23Thank you.

47:27But if you called more often, you wouldn't be surprised to know that I'm growing titties and I keep my dick tucked between my fucking shoulder blades. Okay.

47:44Again, Roseanne Barr, with all three bucket pools, is more of a pharmacist than a comedian tonight. She is giving the exact dose of advice that everybody needs, and she's bringing this out in people. Phoenix, that's a perfect response to your father, who's watching out there. How does it make you feel? Before I let you go, because, you know, you people,

48:14I just want to ask you, because I feel like America and maybe the world needs to hear it, how does it make you feel all the recent... Oh boy. This is just one of those moments where I know I'm inside of a viral clip. Fuck. How does it make you feel all the school shootings and crime and assassinations? because it's kind of like, you know, the trans thing. It was like getting big and popular and people were starting to get accepting and then all of a sudden just pop, pop, pop. Drrr, drrr, drrr. And it's like kind of, you know, a bad look for you people, which is crazy because you people had a bad look for many decades and then all of a sudden we started coming around and now it's like, you know, at first we were worried about what's down there and now we're kind of worried about what's up here.

49:08You know, how does this all make you feel? Like, I know that when I find out that an assassin isn't a fucking, you know, when you find out what they are, you know, I'm kind of like, oh, please don't be of this, right? So I'd imagine for you, when you find out, like, fuck, it's one of us. Kind of sucks, right? I mean, but that's how I feel about white people in general. When you say your people, do you mean boys, girls, blacks, tall people? What exactly do you mean? The niggers, the bees. Okay. Again, again, I'm pretty sure she can say it. I wasn't done. Yeah. She's just talking about what's in her underwear right now, by the way.

49:55Boom. And to answer your question, I love the free advertising, even if it does come from a fat Cheeto. I missed it there. The free advertising, because you asked about how everybody, how I feel about the attention, about everything. It's free advertising for me because most people don't know a trans person and then I walk around the corner and lucky for them, I'm the first one. Can we just ask what your dead name is? That's a good question, Pauly. My dead name? Yeah. Phillip. Oh, Philip, bro. Philip that makes sense. I could see that. PHPH. Yep. Yep. Okay. You have a picture of Philip? Philip in Phoenix?

50:41No, I don't have it on me. What do you think? She has a fucking old headshot or something on her? So PH Philip, PH is in Phoenix, and PH levels are one thing that you'll never have to worry about as a woman that's actually not my dead name oh okay my dead name is byron oh okay wow yeah hurt to say it it just it doesn't resonate anymore it's not who is dead yeah yeah yeah your your vagina is it better like the way it is now or before it smells prettier oh it smells prettier yeah i'm I'm gonna let you guys finish this on a date tonight. Polly and Phoenix. He's gonna try to operate that crane. Phoenix, thanks for coming on again.

51:28Fun times, we'll see you again soon. Give it up Byron, ladies and gentlemen. No, don't call her that, you asshole. Get that fucking mic down. Beautiful.

51:42Phoenix provocateur speaking directly to her father tonight. Look at the lovely Heidi. Her and Valerie's new podcast, Love on the Line, is out now. By the way, this episode is brought to you by Blue Chew and ZipRecruiter. We have another golden ticket winner for you, ladies and gentlemen. This is very exciting. This young man was one of the first people to ever get awarded a golden ticket about six years ago, the day before his 21st birthday, because he cashed in the next day at the comedy store legally at the age of 21 on his 21st birthday. so we remember him well from Phoenix, Arizona and now a New York City comedian.

52:20This is a long-awaited return for those of you that have been fans for many years of Tristan Bowling, everybody. Make some noise for Tristan.

52:32Hey! Kill Tony, how the fuck we feeling, huh? A little about me. I'm a cat guy. I got two cats. Do you like us? Yeah, right? Fine. Yeah, pussy. That's what I talk. When I say I love pussy, that's what I'm talking about. People are like, I want to crush it. I'm like, really? I want to snuggle it.

52:57But I got two cats at home. I love them to death. I got a black cat and I got a Puerto Rican cat.

53:09I know she's Puerto Rican, all right? She rolls her R's when she meows. I'd be like, Tani, what are you doing? She looks at me like, brrrr, ain't it?

53:27Which I know just means stupid. Like, I know. But she's got long nails and she's prone to violence. I posted me doing that joke on the internet and one of the comments asked me, what makes your other cat black?

53:50He doesn't pay rent. I'm kidding. My name's Tristan. Have a good night.

53:59And that is the difference between a bucket pool and a true long-time golden ticket winner, getting his golden ticket over six years ago and never resting, working almost nightly for years and years and years, took the big leap to New York City how long ago? Three years ago. Three years ago. And at the time, it was a big deal. You were still, right, kind of living with your parents in Phoenix. Going out on New York on your own was a huge thing. And look at you now crushing the hardest snapping punchlines of the night. Thank you, thank you. Exactly what Roseanne has been asking everyone to do, to fucking bring the heat.

54:38Don't yell at me, Roseanne. Please don't yell at me. I watched your show a lot. No, I was gonna say, that's how we do it. Yeah. Thank you. Absolutely amazing, Tristan. So update us with your life. We haven't gotten to see you in a while. How's everything going? Everything's going tight, dude. Me and Ashley, like, last Monday. Excepty madness. Oh, look who's back for the straight man. This motherfucker put his penis in a vagina or not? All right, I'll go back out.

55:20Is that fucking bitch dude gone?

55:27Tell us more, Tristan. Uh, nah. Nah, uh, no, last Monday, me and my chick celebrated four years of being together. We just breathed. Oh, D Madness just breathed a sigh of relief, verbally, by the way. D Madness, she ain't gonna survive re-election, though, dude. I'm fucking a dude next. Whoa. No, I'm kidding. Oh, there he goes. Has to pee again. My bad. No, I love pussy. It's fun. Hell yeah. So, Tristan, tell us more. How's comedy been going? What's happening out in New York City? It's been going good, dude. I've just been hanging out. I hang out at the stand a lot. I see a lot of weird people coming through there.

56:09Just a lot of people getting fucked up, dude. I saw a chick piss in the hallway the other way, which is hard to do with a dick, but with a chick doing it, it's bonkers to see. How exactly did she do that? Is that pants, a skirt against a wall? How does that happen? It was pants against, like, sitting. It was pretty impressive, because she was doing, like, a perfect squat. No, not against the wall? Against the wall. Like a perfect, like, how you do it in, like, middle school and shit like that. Wow. 90-degree angle. 90-degree angle. That's hard to hold for a while. I know. Her ass was fantastic.

56:43But it was just crazy, because, like, people would be like, excuse me, miss your pissing. And she's like, can you give me a second? Wow. She thought they were walking in on her. Yeah, she's like, the audacity to stop me. Yeah, people get fucked up. That's a real thing. Yeah, but it's been fun visiting here in Austin. Everyone's been trying to get me to move here, which is, I know. I'm like, I've been talking to my friends. They're like, this is my house. It's beautiful. I'm like, how much do you pay for it? They're like, 35 cents. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck, I live in a shoebox for so much money.

57:16Yeah. Dude, it's crazy. $2 ,900 for like less than 1 ,000 square feet. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, it's fun. It's fun. Why not move here then? There's no state taxes. It's in the middle of the country, so if you go on the road, it's perfect. What's holding you back? Do you know what? I know you have Parkinson's. I'm seeing your right hand. Literally, I watched my last interview last time, and I did the arm wiggle thing, and I need to stop it. Yeah. Stationary.

57:46Strong. Steadfast. I'm headstrong, ready to take you on. I don't have to take on anyone. No, yeah, arm is... Dude, this arm is gonna wiggle one fucking inch now. No, I'm doing good, Tony. No, I definitely... I love the smell of underground piss. That's one thing keeping me in New York. We got that here. There's a little three-block area that people talk about. Dude, that is a militia zone. Yeah. That's fucking terrifying, dude. I, uh... No, the New York homeless, they, like, you know, you walk past someone they'll be like i like your smile god bless and you'll be like thank you sir but here they'll be like i want to eat your teeth yeah it's funny i think it's like uh it's like a thing i think wherever you're on home field like i i like our eat your teeth people here but when i'm in new york that's where i got eat your teeth people no but they're not saying eat your teeth they're saying something else and they seem aggressive it's funny you new yorkers come here they're like oh you're homeless like what i like know exactly what two comedy clubs they bounced back and forth from by them acknowledging the homeless which is here and two blocks that way yeah very whereas in new york they're over many miles of literally absolute fucking insanity it's more spread out so we get to know our homeless dude we got a guy shout out stinkfoot i love him yeah yeah he walks around he's just smelly and he'll go away and you're like fuck did stinkfoot die but then he cleaned up and you're like fuck yeah you got shoes motherfucking stinkfoot with the new shoes tristan with the new shoes dude you have always been one of the more impressive features of the show and again tonight you prove that people working hard having experience, utilizing their credit from the show and position, and you've taken that golden ticket.

59:48You took it to New York with you, and you just keep getting better. It's amazing to watch your growth. Again, he won it the day before his 21st birthday in Phoenix and then literally cashed in on the show the next day in L.A. on his 21st. So it's amazing to see Pauly Shore, who also started young, at the conference. I just met you the other night upstairs for a half a second. Yeah. Good work. I've never seen you before. Yeah. But it's nice to see how real this fucking show is. How people are really... He's really fucking doing it. This guy really started here. This isn't fake, man. You know, this is some real shit.

1:00:23You guys ever want to do it? He started... You probably weren't that good at the beginning, right? Well, that... What? You were probably... Perfect. I said you probably weren't that... Do you have to speak English? What the fuck, bro? No, no. No, you probably weren't that good at the beginning. and now you're great. Nah, I fucking ripped day one. But he was actually really good. We weren't handing out golden tickets that much back then. It was a very rare treat. So, you know, you go back six years, I think he was like one of the first five ever people to win it. Anyway, great stuff, buddy. You're doing it.

1:00:58Back to New York with you. Go follow him. Go find him. One of the big stars of the future. 26 now? 27. 27. Wow. We met him when he was 20. There he goes, Tristan Bowling. All right. You never know. Any one of these people could be the next big thing. Everything's happening. Your next bucket pool that we're going to meet or see again altogether goes by the name of Austin Young, everybody. Make some noise for Austin Young. Oh, we know Austin. What's going on, guys? So I've been living in Texas now for a while. I love living in Texas. My dad's a big fan that I live here. And he really wants me to get a gun.

1:01:41And here's the thing. I've never owned a gun. And it's not for, like, political or moral reasons. It's just I like to keep a gun in the house for the same reason I like to keep ice cream there. You know? I like to keep temptation away, all right? Because sometimes I get sad and I have no self-control. So I don't need that in my life. But my dad's, like, really adamant about it. He's like, Austin, you're a Texan now. you gotta get yourself a gun. Like, what are you gonna do for home defense? How are you gonna protect yourself if somebody breaks in? I say, listen, Dad, I am 6 '4 and over 300 pounds.

1:02:16And I sleep naked, all right? That is scarier than any man with a gun could ever be, all right? I got the body of Shrek in the face of a toddler. Can you imagine seeing this? Just running out of the darkness? It's fucking terrifying, dude. Thank you. Fuck yes. Yes. Boom. Momentum has found this episode. Austin Young, absolutely crushing with exactly a minute. Unbelievable stuff. Funny about you. Honest to you. Real. No one here would want to walk in on that in the middle of the night. That is scarier than a gun. Has anything like that ever happened? You ever have any home invaders or anything?

1:03:01No, no bumps in the night or nothing like that. I love it. I love it. They probably hear your snoring and they're like, oh, there's a there's 10 lions in there right now. We should probably go rob another apartment. Yeah, I have really bad sleep apnea. I bet you do. It's horrible. I can't even fucking imagine. Tell us about that. Do you even fall all the way asleep all the way? I die every night. Yeah. It's really bad. Tell us more. Like, is it just kind of you just kind of like. It's a health risk for sure. Have you talked to a doctor about this? Yeah, I had to get it because I'm a truck driver, so they wouldn't prescribe me.

1:03:40They wouldn't give me my medical card until I got a CPAP machine. I had to get a sleep study, and they were like, you'd probably stop breathing 15 times a night. And I was just like, all right. Wow. So your CPAP machine, is that like an extra strong one, or is it all normal? I don't understand how that works. I don't know, but it's all. Redband's laughing at me like, oh, look who doesn't know about CPAP machines over here. Our senior CPAP correspondent, Brian Redband. I just asked him. How dare you laugh at my CPAP questions. I just asked him if it was a 3XL one. Like, different ones. No, that's just my shirt size.

1:04:22No, it blows air like a son of a bitch for sure. Absolutely. So Austin, remind us, what do you do for work? Do you're a truck driver still? I was a truck driver. I'm no longer a truck driver. I actually work at Sunset Strip. Oh, well, well, well. What's it like working for Brian Redband? He's just like the coolest guy ever, you know? Wow. Do you guys share CPAP machines sometimes? You guys take a little nap at work together, just fucking hook up and pass out? Yeah, we swap nasal guards. I love it. What do you do for fun, Austin? For fun, you know, go to Barton Springs. That's pretty fun. Yeah, it's my favorite spot.

1:05:04You do? Yeah. Wow, do you do cannonballs and freak everybody out? Yeah, I do that. It's pretty fun. It's nice. Amazing. Amazing. Dope spot. These allergies affecting you at all? I've been hit by the allergies the last couple days. Nah, I'm good. I'm not a bitch. Wow, look at that. Amazing. Amazing. I'm gonna have to remind myself of what a bitch I am when I lay my head on my pillow and don't have to strap a unit to myself. you fucking ticking time bomb jesus fucking christ all right okay you'll never believe who wants me to ask you this but i'm i just gotta i have one question do you have a girlfriend i do not wow why not why not yeah i don't know it is you think i try my fucking hardest When you say you try your hardest, what does that mean exactly?

1:06:02I mean, I'll ask a lady out, and then it just kind of, I don't know. I just get really nervous, and I bring up January 6th, and then that's about. Oh, yeah. That's about it, yeah.

1:06:16You're so fucking funny. You're so fucking funny. Oh, thank you. I swear, you are. Oh, thank you. You are really, really funny. You got it all there. You got all the elements it takes. You're likable. You just got a funny outlook. I mean, you're just funny. I want to see you put your shit together, and I think you're going to kill. I really think you got it. You got it going on. You are a star. Pauly Shore. He's like, you kind of remind me like a baby Gabriel. A babe real English yes. No, he's so likable. I love your smile, it's beautiful. Don't ever change your smile. I never will. Yeah, it's beautiful.

1:07:06Can I squeeze your tits? Yeah, of course, go for it. You really are. My man buster! My man buster! You really are a star. It's incredible. Yeah, I'm hard as hell. You're like John Too Much Candy. you're like soon to be gone belushi you call me fat in the most creative ways look it's it's not it's not easy i get a lot of practice with the great red band here yes roseanne did you ever uh try to go on a diet at all great question i just want to hear what you're here and there i used to be bigger i was like 420 blaze it uh he starts dieting That's how big I was, yeah. He starts dieting sometimes, and then he gets nervous and brings up January 6th.

1:07:59When it ends. No, but I mean, do you want to lose weight? Of course. Well, what stops you? Eating disorder? I don't know. I don't know. General sadness, I guess.

1:08:19General sadness sounds like... Sounds like some type of military leader. What's your favorite sandwich? Corned beef hash. Wow. Just take note. That answer came in. We're getting word. It came in.02 seconds, ladies and gentlemen. Unbelievable. That was the fastest answer in the history of the show. I'm getting word from Guinness right now that you've set about seven records here tonight, most of them all fat things. Have you ever tried or thought about Ozempic? Doesn't it eat your bones or something? That's what you're worried about, dude. I like my bones. The thing is, your bones are most in danger of getting eaten by you.

1:09:07Oh, Paulie liked that one. The host of the show, Paulie Shore. Giving me some credit over here. I'm just on panel tonight. You know what? Yeah, Paulie. You know why he answered that so quick? Why? Because chubby people love sandwiches. They do. They love sandwiches, right? I love it. Pauly's having a real breakthrough here. From two and a half minutes ago. Hey, you guys remember that thing with the phoenix and Philip and all that? You know why? Because she had a peepee. Red band. Austin, I'd love to have you on The Secret Show Thursday. I love it. And like that, even though he works there, he's going from the door checking IDs to on stage.

1:09:48this Thursday. Austin, you already have a big joke book. Is it filled up? Not yet. Okay, well, they keep working. I would love another one of his. Oh, well, in that case, the guy that just has no fucking, does no chill whatsoever. There you go. A true star, Austin Young, ladies and gentlemen. This show is so fun. refresh your good vibes with tic tac with the right vibes with oh man to

1:10:33now

1:10:37try the different tic tac from fresh to fructing sweet tic tac refresh your good vibes We have some momentum now. Anything can happen. Two strong comedian performances in a row. Back to the bucket we go with Blake Jones, everybody. Blake Jones.

1:11:01What's up, y 'all? How we doing? Yes, I look like ZZ Bottom. I look like the Duck Dynasty brother got kicked out for doing gay shit. I don't want to hunt duck no more, Daddy. I wanna hunt dick. No, I'm not gay, I swear. I'm getting old. My mom was making fun of me. She's like, Blake, you're 40. Please turn your fucking hat around. And I was like, Mama, I can't. Because when I do, I'm starting to look like Forrest Gump. You know, just... I'll start running. I gotta shave, dude. I gotta shave because the women that tend to like this beard also tend to like Oxycontin. It's getting... It's a lot of them Tweety Bird shirts at the gas station, bitches.

1:11:41Just...

1:11:45Cookie Monster pajama pants and Crocs. You know, like... You guys know Heather. Hell yeah. Her daddy ain't been right since Dale Earnhardt died. Like, it's getting... I had a woman recently, I was walking down the street, she grabbed me by the beard and kissed me. So one of you said... One of you said, woo, no, she was bigger than me. That's assault, dude. Guys, I've been Blake Jones. Thank you so much. Boom, another one. Blake Jones. Welcome to the show. Blake, have you been on before? Negative. Amazing. Well, welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? About five, six years. I took a break, but yeah.

1:12:21Where at? I started in the Bay Area and then just moved to Houston. Awesome. What made you pick Houston? I'm a cloud engineer. I got a job. I got a job off an oil field. So you have a real job? Yeah. Well, I got laid off, but yeah. What exact? Oh, you're already laid off? Yeah. How long ago did that happen? Like two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. And what exactly is a cloud engineer, you said? Well, it's not the weather. I'm not Jewish. It's like a software engineer, but for the cloud. Amazing. You don't look like you would do that. No, dude. I stack bodies. I don't know. So what made them lay you off two weeks ago?

1:13:02They're just cuts. We bought marathon oil, and then so they're doing cuts, yeah. And what are you doing to survive? What's the plan? You have a specialty and now two weeks of complete nothingness. No, I mean, I'll just get another cloud job. Like, there's enough tech. You're in high demand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of me. How long have you been in Houston? About a year and a half. Have you fallen in love with it? Oh, yeah, it's like the Bay Area of the South. It's just like, it's got more racism. Okay, yeah, there's a lot of tech and homeless shit. It's not that bad. The Bay Area is way worse on the homeless.

1:13:38You know, everybody bitches, but it's not. I know. It ain't California. I'm not going to get into it. I love it. Blake, what do you do for fun? I collect sports cards. Like what kind? Mainly baseball and wrestling. Those sell the best. I guess it's fun, but it's also like a job. Yesterday, just for fun, I typed in to the eBay search engine, just broadly. I just typed in the words OJ Simpson just to see what would pop up. And well, my buddy, Shane Gillis, took part in the auction. They auctioned off a bunch of stuff. And he got so many cool things. And I'm honestly jealous of Shane yet again. Yeah, he got all of OJ's old ties and an autographed thing that hung on OJ's wall.

1:14:35autographed by Bill Clinton. So it's Bill Clinton and OJ Simpson on the golf course, just two absolute fucking criminals. And so I think it's like the coolest thing that he was able to, at an online auction, buy this stuff that belonged to the OJ Simpson estate. Anyway, I forget what I was, oh, there's so many fucking OJ cards available. Do you have any OJ cards? No, no. I've got some, The Undertaker, I mean like. Yeah. Both murderers, you know, that's how that, yeah. Yeah. One of them's not really a murderer. That's true, yeah. It's written. OJ. Anyway, I bought an OJ card. It came today, and I opened it.

1:15:17First thing that happened, I got a paper cut. So you know it's a real OJ Simpson card. There you go. That's like a late-night show joke. A paper cut. Anyway, moving on. Anyway, we're back. Did Jimmy Kimmel live? I just want to say that America needs wine. Shut the fuck up. Anyway. All right. That's my Jimmy Kimmel impression. We love Don Barris, but Jimmy's gay. Anyway.

1:15:48Blake, tell us the craziest thing that you've ever had happen to your life. You, the beard, the hair, the skin tone, it tells us that you've seen a lot. You seem like the kind of guy that would eat Oxycontin candy. I mean, I have, yeah. I just had back surgery, so I was on oxys. That was bad. Yeah. Craziest thing, I tried to buy an ambulance once. Ooh. Yeah, when I was getting out of the Marine Corps, me and my buddy tried to get the small business VA loan to buy an ambulance to create a bangbulance. Oh, yeah. That would be different. I've never seen a bangbulance. Yeah, they denied it. It was...

1:16:27Wow. That would have been a smart thing. Right? So instead of like a gangbang bus or whatever it is, you pick up the person that needs help and then they get fucked. Yeah. Amazing. I mean, I was gonna use me, but yeah, we can pick people up, I guess. Is that something that you are interested in doing? You see yourself having the capabilities and accessories and parts to be a successful porn star? I'd imagine the pubes are out of control. Fucking bare floors, baby, you know? Yeah. You mean bare B-E-A-R? i've growled at pussy before i don't know i do too when i see pussy i go stay away i'm kidding i'm straight roseanne

1:17:13okay um blake jones so uh you're working in houston how often do you sign up for the show uh i've been coming like the last month and a half probably so you make this two and a half, three hour drive every Monday. Wow. Probably like six, seven weeks in a row now. Stop at Bucky's halfway? Bastard Bucky's. God damn right. Now let's talk about that, my friend. What is your go-to order at Bucky's? What do they have you hooked on? I like the sliced brisket. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good. And they got rid of my favorite snack, though. They had the cookie dough bites. They just got rid of them. I don't know.

1:17:46Like, yeah, they're fucking gone, dude. Yeah, I actually knew they got rid of their cookie dough bites when I walked by Red Band's place and his flag was flying at half-staff.

1:17:57I'm like, what is going on? And then I immediately knew. Bucky's supposed to have gotten rid of their cookie dough bites.

1:18:09I wish we had horn players here that could fucking... I wish I spent$1 ,500 a night on fucking horn players. You sons of bitches. Fucking do something, you fucking goddamn bastards, or I'm calling ice.

1:18:32There you go. There you go. That's what you... That's what you...

1:18:42Cut it down. All right, all right. That's enough. You keep playing that, I'm going to call ice on you. All right. It's fun nowadays. You really get to use anything. You can get a Mexican to do anything nowadays. It's incredible. I love it. All right. Blake, so fucking awesome. The momentum of the show is incredible. Three in a row. Good comedians, and you are that third. Here's a big joke book. Come back again. Sign up again. Blake Jones, everybody. Blake Jones. Blake Jones. You know Mike Jones? You know, Mike Jones. All right. Back to the bucket we go. We have the legends. How about one more time for Pauly and Roseanne hanging out with us?

1:19:30What a fucking special treat. When I started stand-up 18 and a half years ago, I mean, holy shit, to think that I'd be here with you guys wanting to be on a show like mine. Such an honor. Incredible. I love you. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Eric McVeigh, everybody. Here we go.

1:19:59I like to fuck cancer patients.

1:20:04Not because they still deserve to get penis, but because I don't have to worry about pulling out.

1:20:14All right, now I think this new generation of butt stuffers and ass eaters is doing it wrong. See, when I was growing up, it was considered real sexual for a woman to taste herself. So after you'd put your dick in her pussy, she'd suck her juices off, right?

1:20:30All right. Now, personally, I haven't put my dick in the diarrhea dungeon because when I was younger, I concocted this irrational fear that when I pulled out, I'd have a piece of shit corn stuck in my pee hole. Then I'd have to shoot my way out of that ass with my own pee-pee gun. I wonder if that's how the Indian women get their red dots. That's my time. I'm Eric. Thanks. Eric McVeigh. Welcome. Fantastic material. Great. You know, can you be my writer, please? Eric McVeigh, welcome to the show. This is your first time on, correct? Yes, sir. Have you been doing stand-up between eight and nine months?

1:21:17No, a little less than that. I started a few years ago, and I had a bad experience, so I took a break for a while. Well, looks like you just had another one. So what was the bad experience from a few years ago? It was just a bad experience. By the way, take note of how hard Roseanne and Pauly are laughing, because the thought of quitting because of a bad experience is hilarious to them. Well, I'm from Connecticut, which is real small. Ooh. Ooh, the borders of your state control your destiny. So the promoter at the time, the guy that was booking everybody, was just a real sleazeball, and it just gave me a bad taste in my mouth.

1:22:00Wow. Okay. Does that mean he came in your mouth? No. Okay. So you quit comedy because the booker was a sleazeball. Amazing. And how long have you been back at it again? Just recently. I moved here about eight months ago. I've only been at it for a few months. So when I said eight to nine, how long did you do it the first time? Probably about six months. About six months, and now you've been doing it a few months. Let's add that together. Because I wrote down, Red Band is a witness to this, I have eight dash nine months. And you know how I know you've been doing it between eight and nine months total?

1:22:39Because you're the man? That's what I would say if I wasn't in public right now. But I actually know because you came out guns a-blazing, correct. I've been fucking cancer patients. You had everybody immediately. Instead of what someone that has been doing it four months or less would do, which is, how you guys doing, Kill Tony? And everybody's like, yeah, come on, fuck up. Right? Rookie mistake. And it's also something that a veteran of comedy would do. How you guys doing? great momentum, momentum, momentum riding off of that. You didn't do that. You came out with a fundamental strong start of cancer patients.

1:23:23You had us all bought in on the premise. And then it all went downhill from there. Do you know that coming inside of cancer patients, first of all, sometimes they survive. Yeah. So the premise is a little bit wobbly. Well, the radiation therapy would kill anything that's inside them, Tony. Whoa, our senior cancer fucking correspondent, Brian Redband, is here. Wow, look at that. Give it up for Brian Redband. He's our friend. Yeah, we figured out how he cheered himself up after Bucky's cookie dough bites went out. He started nutting inside of cancer patients. All right. Eric, what do you do for work?

1:24:03I'm a driver for FedEx. Okay. Wow. Okay, very good. FedEx. I'm never sending anything through FedEx. Or accepting anything about it. He's got himself fired, bro, for real. No. You think? No. He's going to... Your act was terrifying, actually. Very terrifying. You got to go for shock and awe sometimes. It is. It is. You have... That's, again, that's, you know... You just got to be able to finish these big premises if you're going to go into them. You got it, though. Which is its own talent. Having an eye for a good premise and having the control and performance. Punch lines. Yes, punch lines are important.

1:24:49It's a one-two punch. You have the package, but you need to deliver it to the doorstep.

1:24:59I like your premises, but where you go, you're taking a long route. You're taking too many right turns to save gas or whatever the fuck you guys do. Eric, what's your love life like? Are you as lonely as you look? No, no, no. I'm in a relationship. You're in a relationship. How long has that been for? About a year and a half. Okay. What does she do? She works at a kid's dentist. Aw. Adorable. And she talks too much. Wow. Okay. When does she talk too much? All day. Okay. As soon as I get home. Wow. What does she talk with you about? Just her day. Just normal relationship stuff. Does she normally complain about the kids or the dentist boss of hers?

1:25:43The kids. Screaming kids. She'll send me videos of like kids screaming in the back. Sounds like torture. Red band does that to me sometimes. He'll send me a video of kids screaming in the back. Is this the first woman you've ever dated? Yeah. I notice they talk a lot and they don't have a pee pee.

1:26:09All right. Tell us the craziest thing about your life, Eric McVeigh, something that makes you different than everybody else, something you've seen or done or been part of, perhaps that has to do with your family or something. When I was in high school, I ended up working for 50 Cent Curtis Jackson as a lifeguard. You were, hold on. When you say lifeguard, do you mean you were his personal lifeguard for when he's swimming? So he threw a party for Reverend Jesse Jackson. Oh, my God. Now, I've already told you that you have unbelievably good premises with no finish. This is exactly that. Being a lifeguard at the Reverend Jesse Jackson's house, hired by 50 cent, is fucking unbelievable.

1:27:03So I'm guessing, as everyone here is assuming, that you spent the entire day saving people's lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. It was the most work I've ever done, ever. Every 30 seconds, we were jumping back in the pool. Oh, my God. 30 seconds. And why is that? Oh, well. Well, when they start to walk to the deep end, they can't touch anymore. Who's they? So then they start. The younger kids. Hell, yeah. It's like if Baywatch was on BET or something, right? Holy shit. Oh, my God. So really, I mean, it was, there was a lot of work, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I paid$100 an hour, though, so it wasn't too bad.

1:27:52Okay. Where do you get the ideas for your jokes? Good question. Well, I just think of a lot of random stuff, and I just tend to write it down and keep notes. But it's all sexually perverse. Sometimes. Yeah. What's a joke you have that's not sexually perverse? You talked about coming inside of cancer patients and then... And then he talked about pulling your dick out and having pee poopy on it. Yeah. That's disgusting, right? Yeah, there was pee poopy on it. That's not good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give us a joke, ladies and gentlemen. You got one? You have one in mind? A single joke. Your mere eight to nine month long career.

1:28:43Total. After you. That's not dirty? Yeah. That's not sexual. It can be dirty, but not sexually perverse, Roseanne's asking for. Kina with a single spotlight. And here we go.

1:29:00The pressure is on. He's closed one eye to try to force the joke to the front of his brain. This is real life, ladies and gentlemen. You can't make it up. Eric McVeigh trying to summon his one non-sexually perverse joke. And here we go. It's sexually perverse. Oh, well then, you could turn the lights back up. I'm trying to... Eric, I like your style, though. Come back again. Here is a medium-sized joke book. All right, there you go. Eric McVeigh, everybody. One more time for Eric, everyone. He's still trying to pick up the joke book. Eric, you have great premises. You have to finish the thing.

1:29:45Put the mic back where you found it, up there. Now turn the little thing out so the KT points to the crowd. There you go. There he goes, Eric McVeigh, everybody.

1:29:57I have a special treat for all of you. Oh, my goodness. the lovely Valerie Vaughn, ladies and gentlemen. Her and Heidi normally only split duties in sold-out arenas, but here we are. A very special episode at the Mothership is their recording episodes of their podcast. I have a special treat for y 'all. This guy is not a golden ticket winner or a regular, but I just find him to be a compelling, interesting, aesthetically pleasing joke writer and joke teller. Make some noise for the long-awaited return of Sir Winston Pickles.

1:30:42What's with the traffic on I-35 tonight? There were more arseholes on I-35 than in Ed Gein's lampshade collection.

1:30:56talking of Ed Gein's my neighbor was arrested yesterday for cutting his wife and kids up with a chainsaw I know I was appalled I only went to see him last week and asked to borrow a chainsaw he said he didn't own one

1:31:15No one likes a liar, Derek.

1:31:23What's with the 15 mile per hour school zones in this country? I always floor it to 75 miles per hour. There's no way I'm taking a bullet in those fucking war zones.

1:31:43I get a lot of hassle for my jokes. I did a dyslexia joke last week, and you should see the blowback my neighbors again.

1:31:56Thank you. My name's Sir Winston Pickles. You've been wonderful. Sir Winston Pickles. Dark premises with punchlines. It's almost incredible. That's exactly the note from the last comedian and you are living that dream sir Winston pickles look at you And you're only slightly paler than Eric McVeigh was yes slightly welcome back sir Winston remind us all how long you've been on stand-up Six years stand-up ten years in white face. Yes I do the white face because blackface is frowned upon that is true It's all the same to D madness though unless you're Jimmy Kimmel That's true. That's true. Another Kimmel reference.

1:32:40Jimmy did blackface. You guys are so good at fake crying. Sir Winston Pickles, let's talk about something we haven't talked about before. What is something in your life that we haven't found out about you just yet? I've had multiple occupations. Carl Minor was one of them. Wow. So you did do blackface. I did do blackface at one point, yes. Yes, I did. What else? What other jobs did you have? Coal miner? I've been a sandblaster. I've been a Premier League photographer. Wow, a sandblaster. That's when you go to the Middle East and fight for our military. Thank you. Fighting for the British military.

1:33:21Blast the sand people. With lasers. Yeah. Amazing. So a coal miner, a sandblaster. What was the third thing? Premier League photographer. What is... Football, as we call it. Oh, that's right. Premier... Soccer in your world. That's right. Absolutely. Amazing. And what made you stop being a photographer? Licensing laws. Licensing what? Licensing laws. Oh. Yes, sir. Okay. People got greedy wanting too much of my money, so I build on it. Got it. Got it. Okay, Sir Winston, how's living in Texas going for you? It's cooling off now, which is just as well. Is it hard on the hot days with... Not as hot as Florida, believe it or not.

1:34:09Right. Does your makeup run? No, it's waterproof, so... Amazing. Amazing. What else, Sir Winston Pickles? How do you wash it off, then?

1:34:21Actually, I'm getting word that is the smartest question Red Band's ever asked in the history of the show. Unbelievable. You never know what another episode of Kill Tony will bring Alcohol yes alcohol so you have to go all over the head you just like fucking dump it Yeah, and just wipe it away Wow And you do you go full face every day you take some days off some days Yeah, let my skin breathe a little bit. What do you do on those days when you're just Winston pickles? I'm trying to avoid all the the weird emails I'm getting lately from these clown fetish people who once talked about whoa They want to see your pickle yes, they want to see my pickle yes the old sir Winston They have a must in numbers now Tony so absolutely Pauly Shore You seem like you've been had experience with clowns in your life What do you think about sir Winston pickles?

1:35:15Well, I just want to know what he does I? Mean you just stand up, but what else do you do? Just stand up. That's it. That's it Wow Okay You can do other things, too. You can sing like David Bowie. No. You have a David Bowie voice. I have a David Bowie voice, yeah. A dead one? No, it's a beautiful voice. People love David Bowie. And have you ever seen that movie Powder? Yes. Yeah, you remind me of the guy from Powder. You could be an actor as well. There's a lot of things you can do, Senor Pickle. Yes. You can go down to the bayou, and you can maybe get some crazy stuff and some ostriches and maybe you can go there and see a whole bunch of things.

1:35:58Yes, things that are famous in England are bayous and ostriches. Yes. Your knowledge of the Brits is incredible, Polly. I'm going to check in with the Queen, Roseanne Barr. I think it's really original what you're doing. I mean, I like the idea of, you know, the clown with really dark jokes. Well, thank you. I think that's really original and I like you getting really really dark about serial killers and stuff like that. I think it's... Well my neighbors think I'm a serial killer so... You're what? My neighbors they think I'm a serial... Yes without a doubt we still kind of think you might be a serial killer by the way.

1:36:40There's a lot of people that think you're a serial killer. I mean I think you I think it's an intriguing act that you can really work with. I mean I'm intrigued by it. Thank you. And you have good punchlines with it, too. Yes. So keep on. Yeah. Thank you. But it gets a little bit scarier. I agree. I like that note. I like it. Lean into the darkness a little bit more. Yeah, lean into it more. Your social media is great. I follow you on Instagram, and your videos, you're like daily, you know, you do these cool one-liners. 15-minute one-liners, yes. Yeah, they're great. Is it Sir Winston Pickles?

1:37:20Just straight up on Instagram. Okay, perfect. Follow him there. Thank you, Sir Winston Pickles. A fantastic performance. Always fun to watch. Right, man? I'd love to have you on the secret show again Thursday. Boom! Thursday night, yearbook. Real show in the city of Austin. Kino. Kino's excited about the booking of Sir Winston Pickles. Oh, okay. I've been informed that this bucket pool is on the inside. It's one of you, ladies and gentlemen. One of you that signed up. Make some noise for Zip, everyone. Zip. We got inside lights. Is that possible? No. Zip. Any movement? Is that Zip? Keno, you got inside lights, Keno?

1:38:12No? All right. Okay. We got movement. Is that zip? Nope. That's a guy going pee. Now is a funny time to go pee. All right.

1:38:28Let's do something very special then while we go wrangle this next bucket pool. You can turn those inside lights off, Kino, as I present to you one of the greatest brand new forces of nature in the Kill Tony universe. I mean oh my goodness this kid is taking off I present to you who may be the newest biggest star of this year ladies and gentlemen make some noise for the return of Timmy Nobrick

1:39:20All right. You dumbass retards like impressions? Okay. This is an impression of a generic white guy named Tim Stiefler from San Diego, okay?

1:39:42Okay, who likes charades?

1:40:01Horny. Yes, horny. Okay.

1:40:13Okay, there is not enough time.

1:40:20Um... It was... it was... It was horny officer gives Asian girl huge cream pie after deep cavity search. It was...

1:40:34Wow. Just when you... That was my impression of a generic white guy named Tim Staplet from San Diego and I'm glad I'm not that pussy. That guy fucking sucks. Wow. The force of nature, the undeniable anomaly, Timmy No Breaks is back and we've never seen anything like that before. We never thought we'd see an impression of what appears to be just a normal human being. Just a boring, sad little Jew. Is he a Jew? Is that a thing? Yeah, I'm working on him. I made him Jewish. How to... I'm a small dick Jew. I shaved off about four inches of my cock for the character. Went pretty method on it. Yeah. Amazing, Timmy.

1:41:24I mean, an absolute superstar. So many trademarks. Such a freak. People say, release the doves. He famously... He famously, at Madison Square Garden on Netflix... Roll the clip. Roll the clip. Right now. There it is. A dove fell out of his leather jacket when he came out. And then he said, release the doves, and opened his jacket, and one more dove fell out, because a dove accidentally fell out. It was intentional tone, so I... It's... I don't like your tone, tone. Timmy, you know me. Nothing but respect. Whatever you want, whatever you need. You're the old... Whatever I want? Yeah. Okay. Well, I took care of the interview tonight.

1:42:12Here are your scripts. Amazing. Absolutely perfect. Okay, so... And then, um, this one is for D-Madness.

1:42:28Okay. I'm gonna do scene directions. I'll be reading for myself. Tony, you have the first line. Wow, you are the fastest rising stock in the show. Why don't you control the situation a little bit and tell the... Actually, I can't do this. I need to be honest with everyone. I've waited long enough. Spotlight. A spotlight shines on Tony.

1:43:06I have AIDS. We're good on the spotlight. The lighting returns to normal as the rock monster from Fantastic Four strikes a sad tune.

1:43:24That's obviously you. No, okay, what the fuck? Sex, man, you've seen this one. These place had keys. Take it, Red Band. Wait, you have AIDS? I think you're playing yourself in this, by the way. Yeah, it's, uh... It's stage four. When it's stage four, you turn red. There has to be a cure. Maybe Joe Rogan has a supplement for it. Cone shushes Red Band by gently pressing a single finger to Red Band's lips. I already tried elk piss. Look. We... We... Go on, Cone. There's a lot to get through. We knew my promiscuous gay lifestyle would catch up to me sometime. You have to let me go. And you have to host this show.

1:44:26I don't think I'm ready, Tony. Don't think, Red Band. Just do. The music subsides as a drum roll begins. Red Band... Quietly. Red Band takes a deep breath, preparing to deliver one of the funniest riffs in the show's history. Three, two, one. Oh, God, Tony. If you have AIDS, then why does it taste like you have so much more? Never mind, Timmy. It bombs really hard. Yes. Never mind, Timmy. You host the show. Tone stands, clutches his hands together, and does that weird little thing where he shakes it on either side. Then he leaves behind the curtain. Timmy takes his spot.

1:45:32This is Kill Timmy!

1:45:45Heidi, let's get a basket of garlic bread for the table.

1:45:55Heidi enters.

1:46:05Overcome with desire, she goes down on Timmy.

1:46:15Timmy comes. Okay. Whoa! Whoa! All right, we're good on Heidi? Should we go back to the bucket? You know, I got a better idea. Ladies and gentlemen, the man I'm about to bring to the... Take it from the top. Ladies and gentlemen, the man I'm about to bring to the stage is without a doubt going to have the best minute in the show's history. The combination of words and sounds coming out of his face will change comedy forever. There is absolutely no way he won't live up to the hype I am building for him right now. He has only appeared on this show 741 times. He is the roaster of Rwanda, the Bermuda buff boy, the Napoleon of complex.

1:47:18Some people are saying the next big thing. This is Tony Cliff.

1:48:06I love you, Bobby!

1:48:12Well, uh... Man, these lights sure are bright. How we doing, Kill Tony audience?

1:48:25Not so easy, is it, bitch? That was very easy. That was a minute for me. Okay, let's start the interview. Um... Tone, how long have you been attempting stand-up comedy?

1:48:43Oh, this is improvised.

1:48:51I've been doing it 18 and a half years. 18 and a half years? Yeah, I started at the comedy store and moved here five years ago. So 18 and a half years, Tony. Uh-huh. Okay, let's do this. I want to hear your best joke in 18 and a half years. There's no pressure tone. Wow. Let's just see your best joke. I'm so glad you asked, Timmy. And let me tell you, what you've built here is absolutely incredible. I gotta say, the opportunities that you give people... Here's a small joke book. And that's how you catch a small joke book. We could go all day. Okay, D, hit your line. You have the final line, D.

1:49:36Oh, shit. This thing is completely improvised. I had no idea you were going to do this. And I had to pee so fucking bad that I went pee. And while I was doing it, I actually read that you did write D Madness's part out. Is it okay? Can I read that? Yeah, I forgot D doesn't know how to read. Yeah, you can take it, Tom. You can take it.

1:50:10And I mean, it's real. It says D-Madness. You see that? Say dig it, cats. I'm about to piss my drawers. You feel me? Need a righteous brother to haul my black ass to the john. Quick like. Ah, shit. Too late. Done baptized my britches. Hey, tone. Sip this elk piss. might cure the AIDS. You dig? Ha, just jiving slim type shit. And scene. Okay. Timmy No Break.

1:50:56Good night, New Jersey. Timmy motherfucking No Breaks, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, He told me, all he told me is that he was gonna try something crazy tonight. And the fucking kid is unbelievable. I mean, he's the greatest thing in the world. That guy just kills me. He's so great. I've never seen anything like it. Full command, full control. Don't you agree? Yep. And that's exactly how I felt about him since the first time I saw him. You know, a lot of people are like, ah, he sounds like Dice, he's doing Dice, but it's like, that's a totally different... He's doing a retarded version of Dice.

1:51:42Yeah, and in control. Somehow more even confident version, a super controller of everything, light, sound, and elements. Well, he's making fun of all show business. Yes. You know, which is just so original and so great. I mean, when I saw that guy, I told my son, Jake, I go, he's why am I not married to that fuck yeah you know you're exactly right he's making fun of show business yeah and it's genius he's genius level one of my favorite things I've ever seen him do is at Madison Square Garden he said pop open the roof I want the natural moonlight for this I know it's so genius nobody's ever gone to that level exactly anti it's like Andy Kaufman shit Exactly.

1:52:31I mean, you guys are so lucky that we got to be here with you. It's amazing. This show, as corny as it sounds, we are lucky, because the people that really think or that are that talented to be the next thing, I mean, Cam's on fucking SNL every week. Isn't that fun, Cam? He's the reason why people are watching. A lot of people are watching that show and whatnot, pulling out the rock and everything. It's a whole thing. How about one more time for Timmy No Breaks? All right. We're going deep into this episode right now. It's a long one, but we're having fun. What time do we start? Okay. We're going to meet this person.

1:53:14This looks like a new name. Make some noise for Second Coming. Is that right? Second Kunaming? All right. Here we go. Hello, world. If one of you guys get abducted and ask for your leader, come to me. My name is Adam Dyes, and I am the second coming. Second, if you break it down, say con D, kind of sounds like somebody deceiving somebody about the size of their dick. But really, we know second is really second because it's the second unit of measure in an hour. There's minute, and there's second. so when somebody says it's going to take a second it's implied it's going to be more than one always kind of like what i told my kids i'd be back in a second now i'm in my second week in austin fucking off with y 'all shit and my second year away from them i remember way back when uh i was seconds into a sexual session with my ex and she was like pull out pull out pull out and i was like in a second now we have a second child um i should have about what 17 oh that's a minute you thought you had for your time i'm gonna cut you off you thought you had 17 seconds left there you're a little fucked up oh with time i thought you did pretty good bro thank you paulie shore yeah i'm the only one i think that got it which is important good good this is good we could talk after the show right I appreciate it.

1:54:48Let me ask you something. Yes, sir. When you say you're a little fucked up with time, what do you mean exactly? Oh, I guess I was off 17 seconds in this particular case. Yes. So have you practiced that or something? I thought I timed it a little. Yeah, I guess my time was a little off. Your time's a little off. Interesting. What were you going to do with the last 17 seconds? I was going to say some bullshit and ask the panel and tell a real joke. I was going to say a bunch of horse shit, actually, so it worked out. Have you been doing stand-up comedy? No, this is like maybe 50, 60 sets over the last year and a half, give or take.

1:55:25Okay, so you've been doing it for a year and a half. A little bit, yeah. You're an interesting creature. Right you are. Okay, what do you do for work? I recently got fired from a restaurant chain in Wisconsin. What's the chain? I'm allowed to say it like that? Yeah, if you don't currently work there. I used to be a Chili's head. I was at Chili's. Okay. You were working the... Chili's. Line cook? Look. Head chef? You know what? They put me on the fucking floor, Tony. A waiter? I waited tables at 42 years old. Okay. All right. I don't think the age really has anything to do with it. It's probably the best job at a Chili's.

1:56:06They probably make more than the GM and whatnot. Okay. So what did you get fired for? Having greasy hair? Yeah. they started they started letting me bartend i i served an underager what's crazy is i carted the person i looked at the date and i thought it was uh the date under 21 one issue so if anyone's looking for bartender available um it was actually it was actually a date issue date it was so close and it just kind of made i guess i guess my math was a little off tony oh wow so literally anybody could have drank at that bar with a Wisconsin ID because the date issued date would always be before the actual date.

1:56:46Who the fuck tries the underage drink at Chili's? Anybody. Anybody trying would try there. You guys, you Texan nights are a lot cooler than mine, or Ohio ends, excuse me. Okay. So you still live in Wisconsin? I do, I do. And what are you doing now? What's your next big plan? Well, I had a I decided to come down here for a couple weeks and try to get on. Thank you for the opportunity, everybody. Like, holy fucking cow. I'm here now, and I'm going to go back and try to get a job at the, not as a bartender, at the improv place in Brookfield. I was going to simultaneously practice dealing. I'm really proficient in cards and things of that sort.

1:57:29Brookfield? Yeah. Adam Ray just was there recently. Poor guy. The late great Adam Ray, he died in Brookfield that night. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Adam's thriving. Okay, well, before I let you go, what's the craziest thing about your life that you've ever seen or done? You look like a guy that likes hiding under people's beds and scaring them.

1:57:55I've saved seven people's lives. I mean, usually ask if someone... Wait, let me guess. You were a lifeguard at Jesse Jackson's birthday party. I was an... 50 Cent called you. Ambulance rider, for sure. Yeah, I know. Right place, right time, Tony. Like what? Give us an example. When I was 15 years old, I saved two children that fell through the ice and risked my life in doing so. um it was a cool moment okay where did they fall through the ice at it was a mccarty park lagoon in west dallas Wisconsin. Latinos. Right. One of them was. Were they Latinos? ICE has been taking out a lot of Latinos. He he.

1:58:37Alright. Okay. This is a long show. We're going to keep it moving. There goes, what is your actual name? My name is Adam Dyes. Adam Dyes. Well, there you go. And you did. Boom. Roseanne Barr batting a thousand. Unbelievable. The queen-like fucking execution of Roseanne tonight. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, what an episode it's been. I mean, holy shit. Absolutely incredible. Who could forget the first comedian that came out here absolutely bombing tonight. Goes by the name of Pauly Shore, ladies and gentlemen. Who comes so far.

1:59:26One of my best friends. We're sauna buddies. We're cold plunge buddies. I'm friends with his dog Buster. I've been friends with him for 18 and a half years. I worship his mother, the late, great Mitzi Shore, who got all of our careers started. All of our careers except Red Band. She never started Red Band's career. I thought I've laid my heart out for you this evening. Absolutely. And that's all I can do, you know what I mean? I don't have the best jokes. But I have my heart, and that's what's gotten me where I've gotten. So I love you. That's true. I love you. Brought to you by Blue Chew and ZipRecruiter.

2:00:05Those are the actual sponsors. And we've had so much fun. Somehow she has now, after this last couple hours, she is without a doubt making her own running for Guest of the Year 2025. How about one more time for Roseanne Barr? The Roseanne Barr podcast is out. Everything Roseanne Barr. Follow her, worship her, bend the knee when you see her. But where can we go from here? There's only one place to go, and that is with the all-time record-setting Hall of Fame regular. A man who created writing on note cards. The Strangler of Memphis. The Gorilla of Vanilla. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Big Red Machine, William Montgomery.

2:01:08I saw earlier today, Red Band has a new bumper sticker that says, I'd rather be hijacking United 93. Dude, what does that even fucking mean, Red Band? That's the airplane that went into the ground. That's such a weird fucking bumper sticker, dude. You know why the Pony Express failed? The horses formed a union.

2:01:37Did y 'all see that Dateline episode where a prominent housewife was murdered and the husband was having an affair for once? I want to watch an episode where nobody dies and everybody lives happily ever after. Dateline, I don't see anybody going on no dates.

2:01:54Welp, I got locked in the Abercrombie and Fitch store again. Okay, that's my time. Thank you. William Montgomery. Still got that little puppy cut. Still got the puppy cut, Tony. And I'm actually really excited. My favorite video game, there's now a ghost of Yote. It's the second one of Ghost of Tsushima. And, Tony, I've been having a wonderful time playing that. Wow, tell us. I put 75 hours into it the past five days. Whoa, that's a lot. 75 hours in five days, Tony. I've been rowing a bunch on the row machine and then playing that, and now I have a horrible knot in my back. Wow. Yeah. Oh, my goodness gracious.

2:02:40So tell us what exactly happens in that video game. I don't play video games. I'm a Japanese lady and I roam around the countryside of Japan and I've been killing a lot of people and I get different weapons to upgrade and it's just such a wonderful time. So you're in this game, you're a Japanese woman. What's your name? Yote. Yote. Yeah, Yote. And then I can change her outfit all the time. So I'm constantly changing her outfit. Wow. For different scenarios. Incredible. I'm about to attack different people. I wear different outfits. You get to just, amazing. You get to play make-believe, just like Phoenix Provocateur.

2:03:19Yes. Amazing. Aw. Look at everybody. Aw. Bunch of fucking Texans in here, like, aw. How could you? It's a joke. Tony, that bitch was kind of hot. I didn't hear anything. The volume was off on the television, so I heard nothing that was said. But yes, she was pretty attractive. Wow. Okay. I'm kidding. The volume was off on the television. What do you mean? I mean, I couldn't hear what y 'all were saying. Oh, in the green room. Yeah, I just saw the pretty lady on the stage. I couldn't tell what was being said. All right. Well, that's good. It's good to know that they're shutting off the volume in the green room.

2:03:55Who would want to pay attention to the show at all? Why would you want to know? The fucking clown dude up there. He's a real nightmare up there. He literally turned the volume off. Really? Seriously. And I didn't even know what accent he was using, but he was using an accent. I think he's from England or something. He's up there. I'm like, dude, I want to watch the show. I've been on it for a long time. let me watch the show and he's like no not tonight wow seriously and he looks like a scary fucking clown so it's like horrifying i hate it up there please tell me can't be up there again i wanted to watch it was looking like everywhere it looked like demi no breaks had a wonderful set it's like i can't hear any of it serious insane i've never thought about even asking you about this before you always close the show you always are on the show you're the hardest working man in the history of Kill Tony except for me and especially much harder working than Red Band.

2:04:46Who's he texting right now? Oh, he's on the phone. That's real rude, dumbass. What are you doing? He's texting Postmates right now. He's putting in his order. But I've never thought about having the green room report from you because you do get here a bit early. What else goes on in that green room, William? What else drives you crazy about that green Oh, my gosh, Tony. Well, it's weird. Liz Splatt is up there tonight with somebody's fucking dog. I don't know whose fucking dog it is, but there's some big... Is that your dog? Yeah, that's my dog. God, your dog is really bad, Pauly. It is shitting all on the floors up there.

2:05:30Wow. There's fucking slobber everywhere. He's shitting all over the stage out here. It's like father, like son. What? Liz doesn't even have the dog anymore. The clown took the dog outside, Paulie. Fuck up. Are you serious? I said, his dog is this. It's like his Paulie's shorts. And then he took your dog out back. What did he do with the dog? I don't know. I wasn't with it. I didn't walk with his fucking ass to the alleyway. Don't bring him to Hans Kim, bro. That wouldn't be cool. Well, Hans is up there right now. First of all, why the fuck didn't you text me back when I asked you to open for me and I got fucking Hans instead, bro?

2:06:06This weekend, you fucking... That's the word on the street. I'm sorry. I was wondering if you were going to bring that up. It was very rude of me. I did not respond to the text message. I'm sorry. He's too much of a star now. No, it's not that. I've just literally been playing that video game. And I saw that you're texting. I'm in the middle of changing your outfit up. And I'm like, ah, get to this later. I just like you so much. And I'm so happy for you. Look how good he looks. He lost all the weight from Ozempic. I am the Ozempic poster child. It's been wonderful. I actually used Manjaro. Roseanne Barr, the queen of comedy, one of the all-time goats of the art form.

2:06:46You've seen the show. You've seen William multiple times. What do you think of him? I love William. He's one of my very favorite comics. You are so funny and unpredictable, wild. I've never seen nothing like you before in my life. And you have the best fucking pot in the whole goddamn world. Yeah, we need to smoke later. And Roseanne, I'm going to be honest with you, I was heartbroken. And one time you texted me to bring you a joint, and I brought you a joint, and I left it in the mailbox. And I was maybe hoping that we'd be able to smoke together, but I was looking through the fence for a while, and I was thinking, ah, this is weird.

2:07:18And then I left. But I remember, I was thinking, oh, my gosh. I didn't know you wanted to come in and smoke yet with me. Well, I should have been explicit about that. Well, you should have said. You said, I'll just drive it by and leave it in the mailbox. So I thought, oh, he doesn't want to come in and get high with some old bag. Well, next time I'll respond differently. Yeah, you should have said, I'll drop by and come in and smoke it with you. But you said, I'll just drop it off. And I thought, great, because I hate people anyway. I didn't want to really hang out or any of that shit. I was just in my adult diaper laying there.

2:07:52But I love you, and I love your pot. I love your comedy. Let's smoke tonight. I have a joint in my pocket right now. Fucking A, bitches! Let's go. But I love your comedy and you know it. You fucking crack me up. Where you go places that only the, I don't know, crazy people can go. And I love that. It is true. I love him. Me too. He's a wild boy. Pauly Shore. Yeah, so the whole thing is pretty fucking cool what Tony's doing here. And in reality, he's giving people breaks. He came from the streets. just like... No, he was outside fucking homeless for a while, and now look at him. All the guys, Hans, John, all the people...

2:08:37Who's John? I've been homeless. Who the fuck is John? I meant to say Ari Matty. Okay. I'm just saying that you've done this. It's such a beautiful thing. You opened for me one time in San Antonio, and you had just done this, and I'm like, you got to get off your notes. Remember? And he used to just always do his notes, and then he finally got rid of his notes, and he started featuring. You're headlining everywhere now, and it's beautiful, so I love to see it. Beautiful, yeah, for real.

2:09:12William, I mean, what an amazing, amazing time we always have, and it's incredible to watch your amazing expansion through the Kill Tony universe. What are some of your favorite outfits to change into in this female role-playing video game? Oh my gosh, Tony. Rattle some off for us. There's this one where it looks like a ghost mask! Wow, what else? That's probably my favorite. Ghost mask. What are some of your least favorite ones? Okay, so nice to be here tonight, Tony! Oh, okay. I can't think of the... It's all Japanese. You can literally just say anything. Say one mellow one so the horn players can do their sad thing that everybody loves.

2:09:56And then we'll do one more where it's a big one and then I'll end the fucking show. We do this every goddamn week. There's an unbelievable clear method. Okay, yeah, just do the thing. There's like this, just do the thing. What are you, Red Bear? Okay, there's like a green shirt I like to wear.

2:10:14But then also one that looks like a samurai outfit. Wow, he's done it again, ladies and gentlemen. the great William Lights Out Montgomery. What a fun fucking night it's been. The drawing from Ryan J. is in. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew. Oh, old school Pauly. Vintage Pauly Shore. He's gonna be selling that, probably autographed after the show down in the lobby. There's a bunch of cool Kill Tony merch down there. New Year's Eve still has a couple tickets at the Moody Center and a bunch of other, I'm doing a couple up fun gigs at standup tonyhenchcliffe.com Roseanne Barr has the Roseanne Barr podcast and so many amazing things if you're not following Roseanne on Twitter and Instagram your feed is boring one of the most compelling, interesting, powerful hilarious women on planet earth, how loud can this place get one more time for Roseanne Barr Polly's on tour, Polly's He's playing Richard Simmons in a movie next year.

2:11:23He's got his podcast, Random Rants. How about one more time for the son of Mitzi, a man who bleeds black and red of the comedy store, The Great Pauly Shore. This episode brought to you by Blue Chew and Zip Recruiter Red Band. Check out The Secret Show every Thursday at the Sunset Strip. Love you guys. We love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. Thank you.

2:12:27The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas is now open. Check out Red Band's Secret Show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

2:12:49Thank you.

2:13:19Thank you.