#757 - JEREMY (ADAM RAY) + MATT RIFE

11:46Brian Redban:You take your own personal Razor scooter on the road with you?

11:49Jeremy (Adam Ray):I've been doing it recently. I get really fast in the airports. I was flying in Chicago recently, Tony.

11:55Brian Redban:So you use that as your carry-on?

11:58Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yes, I have it in my backpack. A Razor scooter can go down and it goes out of your backpack. But I can't bring toenail clippers. You can have an entire fucking scooter in your carry-on. What do you mean you can't bring toenail clippers? You're kidding. No, you can't bring small, sharp objects. You're bringing an entire blunt object on an airplane.

12:16Brian Redban:That is true. Razor scooter, but not. That is a weapon. Especially with a guy walking through with a face like that. Like, oh, we can trust this guy. Nothing suspicious about him having a razor scooter. Yeah, you can have a razor scooter, but not an actual razor. Interesting. Yeah, that's the time we live in. What else do you sneak through TSA? Give us an example of what's in... I don't think I need to be talking about what I'm sneaking through TSA. Give us an example. Name some things that are in your carry-on bag. What else is in that bag? How many of you want to know what's in William's backpack?

12:48Brian Redban:Ooh. The world wants to know. Shit, Tony.

12:52Jeremy (Adam Ray):I mean, a lot of the time I got a couple boxers in there, Tony! Tony, but what else? Wait, what was that? Boxers. Like, boxers are boxer briefs. Oh, yeah. Can you back up half a stuff? Sorry. Please. Thank you. Thank you. I have a bunch of cords in there, Tony, for different charging stuff.

13:11Brian Redban:Yeah, that one wasn't as fun. Yeah, not that exciting. Okay, what else do you got in there, William? A whole bunch of marijuana, Tony! Whoa! I'm kidding. I never travel with that. Really. You can. It's okay. They don't care about that. What else? Always my notebook, Tony! Because I've got to look into my jokes on the set, so I've got to... Right. Come on, give us something that's a little off the beaten path. Do you have anything in that area in the front where it's like a bunch of little things? Kind of clanking around in there. Oh, he's thinking hard. This is going to be good. And the ointments.

13:46Brian Redban:Look at him thinking. This is what people that watch Blippi do with the microphone against their face. It makes them feel comfortable. Like a fire truck. A lot of Blippi fans.

13:57Jeremy (Adam Ray):Oh, my gosh. No, Tony. You know what I have been bringing? I got this really nice little Winnie the Pooh Squishmallow. A real small win. And I sleep with that at night. and I've been bringing that with me.

14:17Jeremy (Adam Ray):Uh, God, help me, Tony!

14:21Brian Redban:All right, that's not... I'm starting to sweat up here. That's good. It's good for you to sweat sometimes. It's good for you. You've been rowing?

14:28Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, I'm up to 210 ,000 meters since the beginning of February. We're talking over 100, what, 120 miles or something? I'm obsessively doing it now so it's good. I feel good. I'm watching the kids shows. I'm doing fucking rowing. Things are getting better.

14:46Brian Redban:There's no better time for a successful person to be watching children's shows than right now. Nothing suspicious about it whatsoever. If anyone out in Tucson sees a Razor scooter chained up to a... With the green wheels. Green wheels. Yep. There you go. If anybody has it... I made Matt laugh on that. Return it. because it's so specific.

15:08Jeremy (Adam Ray):The green wheels on there.

15:09Brian Redban:It is shockingly specific. William, what a great way to start the show. Thanks so much for having me. We love you. The legend, the Hall of Famer, going up first. What a way to get tonight's show. So you guys having fun already, huh? That's right. So now we slide over to our first bucket pool of the night. This is where things get interesting. This is where we meet people. This is the biggest moment of their lives, without a doubt. So make some noise for your first bucket bowl. Monique Jones, everybody. Here we go.

15:42What are you doing? I'm aware that when you heard Monique Jones

15:47Tony Hinchcliffe:coming to the stage, this is not what you expected. I look like the lady who called the cops on Monique Jones. Dude, your Cabbage Patch Kid grew up, right? Makes it easy to look me up. It's Monique Jones, and I'm the white one. I first became aware of the racial profiling of my name in high school from North Carolina. Anybody? From the South? Hell yeah, Grits. Baby, what's up? How you doing? I went to meet my boyfriend's parents at his house, and his mom answered the door. I said, hey, I'm Monique Jones. And she said, really? God, look at you. Look at you. We were just talking about you over prayer.

16:34Tony Hinchcliffe:It was so nice of them to pray for me before they even met me. So nice. Get out the good napkin, she's the keeper. Okay. That's fucking racist. Hey.

16:46Brian Redban:Hi, Monique. Welcome.

16:47Tony Hinchcliffe:Thank you.

16:50Brian Redban:Good stuff. You've been on this show before, correct?

16:52Tony Hinchcliffe:I have. How long ago was that? It's been a minute. 2018.

16:56Brian Redban:2018. That is indeed a minute. That was Dom Irera was on the show.

17:01Tony Hinchcliffe:Dom Irera.

17:01Brian Redban:Yeah. Okay. Okay, awesome. It was awesome. In the main room of the Comedy Store.

17:05Tony Hinchcliffe:Yep. Welcome. It was the main room. It was live, I believe, back then. 303. 2018?

17:12Brian Redban:Wow, look at that. Amazing. Here we are.

17:16Tony Hinchcliffe:Here we are. It's fucking packed in here. We used to be able to sit there.

17:20Brian Redban:Okay, enough about 2018. We're at 2026 now, you batty bitch. Welcome to the present. Here we are. So tell us, Monique. Update us with your life. What's changed in the past eight years?

17:33Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm still sober. I had just gotten sober in 2017. Thanks. Yeah, yeah. I beat breast cancer.

17:42Brian Redban:Whoa. Amazing. I got a pop. This is all absolutely incredible because it looks like you have tits and you sound drunk. So this is amazing. Do I sound drunk? Am I not? No, I'm kidding, Monique. Keep going. What else?

17:56Tony Hinchcliffe:I moved out here a couple years ago right after the surgery. Anyway, so now I'm... So they took one of your boobs? They just took a lumpectomy. Oh, okay. But then they took my hormones because they put you on those hormone pills that block your hormones. So I was a shell of myself until now. Until now, you guys are like, fuck, this is a comedy show. Okay. Anyway, I...

18:20Brian Redban:Let's say you were a shell of yourself. What exactly do you mean?

18:24Tony Hinchcliffe:Imagine, like, zero hormones, non-detectable, and they give you drugs to block them because it was estrogen receptor positive, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, like you can't get it. You don't want to get out of bed. You want to fucking die. I mean, just, and then one day you're like, oh, okay. And then I do some comedy and then I was, anyway, it was just, you know.

18:42Brian Redban:How did you get out of it? What got you up?

18:44Tony Hinchcliffe:I started taking hormones again.

18:47Jeremy (Adam Ray):Pretty ungrateful. Some people pay good money for hormone blockers these days.

18:53Brian Redban:Yeah, no doubt about it. A lot of lumpectomies going on. Right. Where do you live now, Monique?

19:00Tony Hinchcliffe:I don't recommend it. I'm here.

19:02Brian Redban:You live in Austin, Texas.

19:04Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah.

19:04Brian Redban:How long ago did you move here?

19:05Tony Hinchcliffe:I moved here end of 2023.

19:08Brian Redban:Okay.

19:08Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah.

19:09Brian Redban:Have you been signing up for the show since then? I have. Take a little break? It's been intermittent.

19:14Tony Hinchcliffe:I wasn't right out of it. I mean, I actually got here. I did some showcasing for Adam. I just, my body was not ready. That was a year and a half ago.

19:23Brian Redban:You bombed in front of Adam the Booker, and you're blaming your hormones on that.

19:28Tony Hinchcliffe:Yes. Fuck yes, dude. I was like... But he called me back twice. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I've gotten a little bit of...

19:34Brian Redban:Look at that. Sounds like you had one of the breasts out of the night. I did. All right. There's no getting that one back. That lump is gone. What are we doing? So, Monique, tell us about what you've been doing for fun. Give us something exciting about your life, other than your lack of hormones and whatnot.

19:52Tony Hinchcliffe:not um uh uh i was gonna i was like thinking like what do i say what am i gonna talk about i can't i went to acting school with um sorry now i'm gonna forget paul rudd and adam scott so i thought that would be interesting to talk about what year was that that was like 94 i graduated who they graduated in 93 and 91 wow i was born in 95 i know dude You're killing it.

20:23Tony Hinchcliffe:You could be my fucking kid, dude.

20:26Jeremy (Adam Ray):Wow. That's wild to think about.

20:29Tony Hinchcliffe:That is insane.

20:30Jeremy (Adam Ray):No, my mom's got huge tits. Huge. Huge tits.

20:36Tony Hinchcliffe:Huge cancer-free tits.

20:38Brian Redban:I guess the funny skip-to-generation with this family over here. Oh no Monique My name was Monique I'd have a great first joke too

20:49Tony Hinchcliffe:You gave me On that show I look like the lady who would call the cops On Monique Jones

20:56Brian Redban:You're exactly right So technically I wrote your one good joke for you There you go Eight years ago And it's still working

21:05Tony Hinchcliffe:I thought I'd do it for you

21:08Brian Redban:Hell yeah Monique any other crazy fun fact about your life That we'd find interesting

21:13Tony Hinchcliffe:My first roommate in that school, the American Academy, was Tim Conway's stepdaughter. It's pretty cool. Tim Conway?

21:20Jeremy (Adam Ray):Uh-huh. Sure.

21:21Tony Hinchcliffe:It's an old reference.

21:22Jeremy (Adam Ray):And stepdaughter. Yeah.

21:24Brian Redban:It's like a direct relative.

21:26Tony Hinchcliffe:Well, it's a Kill Tony crowd.

21:28Brian Redban:Monique's a rough interview. I'm like, what's interesting about you? She's like, I want an Uber drove for Blippi number three.

21:38Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm a massage therapist.

21:40Brian Redban:Oh. Oh. Okay. Now Red Band's gonna invite you to the secret show on Thursday. Congratulations. You got something out of this.

21:47Tony Hinchcliffe:I snatched Oliver Stone for two years.

21:49Brian Redban:Whoa, really?

21:50Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah. Wow.

21:52Brian Redban:Oliver Stone is the director. Yeah. Right?

21:57Tony Hinchcliffe:In Los Angeles.

21:58Brian Redban:Monique, over here.

21:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):I don't know why you keep fucking looking over there. How bad of an actor can you be to massage a famous director and still not get work?

22:07Brian Redban:That's a great point. I don't know that for sure. I don't know that for sure. That is a great point. You're talking about Oliver Stone, the director?

22:12Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah, yeah. What did he direct? I was not trying to get acting work from Oliver Stone. I was trying to just stay a massage therapist.

22:18Jeremy (Adam Ray):Mistake number one.

22:20Tony Hinchcliffe:You're exactly fucking right.

22:21Jeremy (Adam Ray):I would have jerked him off so fast, dude.

22:24Tony Hinchcliffe:I wasn't trying to get that kind of work, though. But no, I should have fucking, yeah. I didn't.

22:29Brian Redban:What did he direct? Red Band said JFK. Natural Born Killers, I do believe. There's some good ones. It's a little, it's a little. Yeah, JFK's a good one.

22:42Tony Hinchcliffe:What year did that come out? He's still directing. He's like one of the most famous directors.

22:49Brian Redban:I mean, he was smart. If you watch this, I will jerk you off. He was smart enough to be one of the few directors in Hollywood that would let something like this give him massages instead of children or whatever they were doing. Oliver Stone. Red Band's typing in Oliver Jones. And now he's officially typed in Oliver Stones, plural, everybody. buddy if you're looking there you go there you go thanks for having me yeah the doors was a good one he contributed to our face but I don't think he directed it but it says scar face they're giving him credit for but that was directed by that's right okie-dokie well uh Monique fun times.

23:39Brian Redban:Here's a medium-sized joke book from Bones Eye. Boom. There you go. Hey, caught it. Caught it right against the quarter tip. There goes Monique, everybody. This is Kill Tony. It has begun. All right. To the bucket we go. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Two blonde bombshells at once. I can't handle this. I thought it was William again for a second. It scared the shit out of me. Hello there. This podcast is sponsored by Shopify. You know, when we started this little tiny podcast, it seemed like we had to figure it all out on our own. Who's going to go up, set up filming, schedule, logos. It was super overwhelming.

24:20Brian Redban:And every day seemed to introduce a new decision that needed an answer. When you're starting off with something new, it seems like your to-do list keeps growing every day with new tasks. And that list can easily begin to overrun your life. Finding the right tool that not only helps you out, but simplifies everything can be such a game changer for millions of businesses. That tool is Shopify. Right man.

24:38Jeremy (Adam Ray):Tony, Shopify is incredible. It's the best business tool out there. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all e-commerce in the US and household names like Mattel,

24:51Brian Redban:Gymshark to brands just getting started. It is that for commerce. Get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Accelerate your efficiency, whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing ones. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. Start your business today with the industry's best business partner, Shopify, and start hearing. Sign up for your$1 per month trial today at shopify.com slash killtony.

25:26Brian Redban:Go to shopify.com slash killtony. That's shopify.com slash killtony. That's shopify.com slash killtony. That's Shopify.com slash kill Tony. Shopify.com slash kill Tony. What's up?

25:37Jeremy (Adam Ray):When you want your spring break to feel like. And your kids pool day to feel like. And your hotel bed to feel like. Oh, and room service to feel like. Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like.

25:56Brian Redban:Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels?

25:58Jeremy (Adam Ray):It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com Hilton for this day Well

26:08Brian Redban:This seems too good to be true Everybody because we've Seen this guy before this must be Different than the name because This guy's a legend on this Show if this is who I think it is Ladies and gentlemen make some noise For Jeremy Oh my god Oh my god it is him

26:33Matt Rife:And it's the... What's up, Tommy? Mother shit, make some motherfucking noise! If you have HIV!

26:44Matt Rife:Gotcha. So, what's up? My name's Jeremy. A little bit about me. Recently tried to get a job at Burger King, but the closest one to me was within 500 feet of a school, so I guess I can't have it my way. And that's what's up.

27:08Matt Rife:Been doing a lot of Legos recently. Let's give it up. Yeah, they show you on the box what it's supposed to be when you finish it, but a friend of mine told me you can turn anything into titties. Thanks, Red Band.

27:27Matt Rife:I'm single. Tobey Maguire's not single. Tobey Maguire's 50 years old. He's dating a 20-year-old. When asked to comment on the situation, Batman said, so I guess Spider-Man isn't a gay guy. Hi.

27:46Matt Rife:My dream girl is Erica Kirk.

27:51Matt Rife:Oh, yeah. I'm thinking about shooting my shot.

27:58Matt Rife:She's fucking, she's fucking, she's hot. Man, she fucking got over him quick. She was like, she was sad for two days, and then she was like, it's all good. And then she was like, who wants a merch? My mom took my Pokemon cards when I was seven. I still haven't forgiven that bitch. And that's what's up. My mom's boyfriend, Jerry, fuck him. I hope he dies in his sleep. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, He's always calling me a virgin. I'm like, that's not what your fleshlight said last night. No, but I can't wait to have sex. I can't wait to do intercourse.

28:34Matt Rife:I already know what flavor I want. Super duper black. But now like Halle Berry or Queen Latifah, I want that fucking girl on TikTok who sings, Dr. Pepper, baby. It's good and nice. Booloo. That's what's up. I'm gonna fuck her so good, she's gonna be like, Jeremy's got a sweet dick, but he comes too fast. All right, fuck, that sucks. I got a few others, but I was nervous if I could do these real quick. I used to ride scooters in Austin, but then I got hurt

29:10Matt Rife:when a bunch of kids pointed at my helmet and called me a pussy. Now I take the bus. Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back of the bus, which is crazy because that's the best place to masturbate. Okay. you guys you guys see bill gates got an std on fc on fc island he should have downloaded some antivirus software that's what's up you guys see that michael jordan video oh you matt right for talking about michael jordan video he got dude he got fucking he was at daytona 500 fucking just going like fucking he was like i know scotty pippen just a little kid it's so fucking weird what's with all these michaels touching fucking butts michael phelps is sitting at home like i'm I'm gonna just stay in the pool.

29:55Matt Rife:I've been watching the Olympics. Don't let the media lie to you. The Jamaican bobsled fucking dog shit. They be Jamaican a bunch of mistakes out there. Shit, Nicki Minaj is a Trumper. It's all good. All politics aside, I still banger. That ass is a bipartisan issue. And that's what's up. Keep it going for Red Band.

30:23Matt Rife:More like bread pan, you fat bitch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I love you, Red Vance. Fuck, I'm sorry. Uh, shit, what else? Rosa Parks, Tobey Maguire. Uh, get him going for William Montgomery. That's one of my favorite comics of all time, William Montgomery. William Montgomery looks like Kathy Griffin fucked Peter Griffin and gave birth to Blake Griffin. And that's what's up. That's my time. Thank you so much, everybody. Wow. Wow.

30:50Brian Redban:The great Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen. Oh. Whoa.

30:58Brian Redban:Jeremy is back. My heart is fucking pounding. Wow. We have watched Jeremy make his comedy debut on this show. We've seen him. Super fucking nervous. He's been on panel once before, man. Now he's back. You signed up tonight, Jeremy. What brings you to Austin, Texas?

31:18Matt Rife:So I live in San Antonio. And quick drive down. Mom's boyfriend, Jerry, had some work to do. I was like, he's talking to me. So I got in the car. And I said, fucking uncle, sign up for Kill Tony. And I did not expect to be called, to be honest with you. This is fucking... What did you pull out of your fanny pack? Oh, I recently got into these astronaut ice cream bars. They're high in protein, just in case Gail King and Katy Perry are like, Yo Jeremy, you wanna go to space tonight? I'll be like, fuck yeah, I got some fucking treats. That's a real space bar? Space ice cream bar. Oh, it looks berry.

31:55Matt Rife:Matt Reif, I know you don't fucking eat shit like this, but you want some? Is that a bite? Yeah. Is it real? No, it's fucking not. Oh fuck, you are funny, dude. Tell me this doesn't feel fucking fake, dude. No way, these are real. They're everywhere, they're six bucks, dude. It's gotta be real. Jeremy, you take a bite before you kill the great Matt Reif. Cheers? Cheers, baby. Wow. See your diary out. Just cheers ice cream sandwiches with Matt fucking Rife. That fucking sucks. You want that? You don't have to eat that.

32:26Brian Redban:What is that? Is that okay? 80 % fentanyl. Oh, yeah. That's wild. Jeremy, what else you got in that? You guys want to see what Jeremy has in his fanny pack?

32:37Matt Rife:I'm so glad you asked, Tony. Here's the thing. It's not that bad. Really? For real? It's not that bad. Oh, shit. Dude, Nash is so pumped right now. NASA. NASA. I heard you. Oh, all right. So I got a tiny box of city critters. With like mini animals in case you're bored. You got like raccoons in here and shit. Wow. What exactly do those do? Oh, my goodness. Dude, I've been to like three parties. And every time I'm sitting around a party, I'm always like, this fucking place, this fucking vibe sucks. Everyone's fucking. And I'm just sitting there. playing my Sega Game Gear, you know, listening to some Sugar Ray, and then I'll just, there'll be some fucking girl next to me, and she's like, so what do you do for work?

33:24Matt Rife:And I'll be like, fucking, I'm a snake guy, you know? And she's like, oh, shit, and her boobs are like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. So, what else? Oh, Koosh Ball? Oh, how many times have you been sitting around just being like, fucking, I'm so fucking bored, and they just go, boop, fucking. Wow. Not bored anymore. That's amazing. You have so many fun things. Oh, I got this at Bucky's. It's a fucking, it's like a Magic 8 ball. It's got, you press it, it says yes. Try again. Maybe. So go ahead. You want to ask me a question? Yeah. How was your day today? Is it going well?

34:10Matt Rife:Okay. Fucking. How could that even be on there? No. Bucky, thanks for setting me up for that. So that's fun for parties and shit. Can I... Can I... Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs? Whoa. I didn't know that... They told me that girl. I didn't know they made those. Well, you gotta get on Google, Tony. They got pretty much everything. Dr. Pepper Tic Tacs? Yup, they're good and nice.

34:42Matt Rife:Cinnamon Toothpicks? Big toothpick guy in 2026. Oh, okay.

34:49Brian Redban:Wow, Jeremy. This is absolutely incredible.

34:53Matt Rife:Little fucking bag in case you got like, you want to be a good, you know, you pick up some shit or something. Austin, you know, Austin, there's a game I always play when I go outside on 6th grade, I go, is that real? Is that real shit? Or fucking, is that, is that cum, you know?

35:12Brian Redban:So then you grab it and you, what that means? What do you do? How do you find out if it is real shit or not? I don't want to answer that. I pick it up, try to clean the streets,

35:24Matt Rife:and then I got Advil just in case. I get a lot of heartburn, headaches, migraines. You take Advil for heartburn? Yeah, and I get... It's not... I don't say the boners are... You ever see those commercials where it's like, if your erection is lasting more than four hours, you're fucking, you know, you're probably black, you know? But, uh, but there, my, I, the last doctor I went to, he was like, Jeremy, you got started taking Advil for your heart, your cholesterol, and, like, I get random boners and stuff, and, like, I'm only 38, so I'm like, fucking, that's what's up, but I don't want to be, you know, it's just, I don't know.

35:57Matt Rife:I probably take too many pills, but, wow. Matt, right, if you take pills, you take supplements and stuff, right? Dick pills or? Supplements, like vitamins and stuff?

36:07Jeremy (Adam Ray):No, not really.

36:08Matt Rife:All natural, huh? All natural. That's what's up.

36:10Jeremy (Adam Ray):I'll pop to him or two, though. Who? Hilms? Hilms? Who's that? You never taken the pronoun pills? No. Oh, dude, they're so good. You guys ever take a Hilms pill? Okay. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Okay. Don't fucking lie about it. Pretty funny, you guys.

36:26Brian Redban:Pretty funny to not act like you know what that is. Pretty funny. Better than Hilms is Blue Chew, if you guys really want to. Blue Chew, it happens to be tonight's sponsor. No, I'm just saying. Blue Chew Talks based on Shopify. So if you're wondering what he said before when that beep happened, it was the n-word everybody. Matt said the n-word. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. You have to say I'm kidding now or like a conspiracy theory will start. Anyway, Jeremy, I gotta tell you, you are so interesting. And even though I have one of the biggest comedians in the world right now here, I think, you know, I've always loved you, Jeremy.

37:06Brian Redban:I've always considered you part of the family. I don't know what it is you remind me of somebody that I maybe have an unbelievable working relationship with. Would you guys think we should have Jeremy join on panel for the rest of the episode? Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Come on, Jeremy, get over here. Wow. Come on, Jeremy. Joining for the rest of the show, Jeremy, everybody. Wow. Wow. You got fucking snakes! Oh, Redman's good. Oh, he threw it in his madness. Sorry, D, nothing happened. Redman figured out the one stupid thing he could have done with that snake. I'll do it with the blind guy.

37:51Matt Rife:It was super funny. Luckily, D's laughing. What's up, D? Not much. She still looking at me?

38:02Brian Redban:No. Well, Jeremy, we're going to get back to this bucket. We had Monique Jones on earlier, William Montgomery. Seems like you're all caught up. Don't touch me. What a great panel. I mean. Walking Matt Rives, dude. This is increa - When I met you, I looked like this.

38:25Matt Rife:So long I've known you. So you're saying it gets better? Yeah.

38:29Brian Redban:Alright, that's what's up. 10, 15 years, you could look exactly like that, Jeremy. Or Redman. I'll take either, though. I'll take either. We're going to get another bucket pull up here. How about one more time for Jeremy, everybody? Your next bucket pull has to follow that. Not easy to do. We're going to meet them all together. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Anthony Fink, everybody. One minute uninterrupted for Anthony Fink.

38:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):Thank you. Thank you. What's up, Austin? I'm not a really smart guy. I've had two disengagements in my life my last ex she broke up with me because she had a yeast infection and yeah she really loved this joke for two reasons one because I kept bringing up the fact that she had a yeast infection the second reason was because while she was going through it I kept chasing around the house asking her what kind of bread she was making like is it sourdough then she'd get mad and I'd be like well you're definitely being a bit of a sour puss sorry guys i know you're tired of these bread jokes much like her she got over them pretty fast just a real gluten for punishment

39:51Jeremy (Adam Ray):like i said i'm not really a smart guy i usually think lance and neil armstrong were the same guy until about 2009 yeah nobody else okay got a crowd full of liars okay I don't have time to finish it. That'll work right there. Wow. All right.

40:09Brian Redban:Anthony Fink.

40:13Brian Redban:Anthony, do you have a hilarious stuff in your fanny pack by any chance that could help this? I took it backstage.

40:20Jeremy (Adam Ray):Anthony, how long have you been doing stand-up? Five to seven years. I took a few years off during COVID, but I started back. When you say a few, do you perhaps mean five to seven years?

40:29Brian Redban:Yeah, five to seven. It's more like. How often do you perform? How often do you get on stage?

40:34Jeremy (Adam Ray):These days, just like two to three times a week.

40:37Brian Redban:How come?

40:40Jeremy (Adam Ray):You know, just didn't get back in the swing of things until recently. So just kind of working my way back. What happened? Why did you take a break? A couple of reasons. Well, one COVID shut everything down and then waiting for it to come back, work kind of got in the way. What do you do for work? I don't work there anymore. I was working for Lockheed Martin. Wow. What were you doing there? I was working on the production line. No alien or cool stuff. Don't worry, guys. Nothing cool at Lockheed. There's no big secrets. But I was just...

41:12Brian Redban:Nobody thinks you're doing anything cool.

41:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, no, I didn't think so. Don't worry.

41:15Brian Redban:I didn't think so. Don't worry. So Lockheed Martin took a lot of your time and your energy, and now you're getting back in the stand-up slowly at about two or three times a week. Yep. And you just did... My girlfriend has a yeast infection. Read jokes and closed it out with a big Lance and Neil Armstrong because they have the same last name but no real connection. You just said you thought they were the same person and you called the audience liars.

41:41Jeremy (Adam Ray):I feel like everyone else has made that misconception. I'm not the only person, right? Has anyone else?

41:46Brian Redban:Nope.

41:51Brian Redban:Yeah, I mean, they both have the last name Armstrong. Let's talk about your life, Anthony. Give us something interesting about you.

41:57Jeremy (Adam Ray):Uh, interesting.

41:59Brian Redban:I speak six different languages. Wow, you can bomb in six different languages? That's incredible. What are the six languages? I do English, Spanish, German, Chinese.

42:14Matt Rife:Can you do like a mash-up? Like a German, Japanese, like a...

42:21Brian Redban:Chinese, German, some type of Asian fusion? Like a... Wow.

42:28Jeremy (Adam Ray):I don't know enough to call bullshit. Yeah.

42:31Brian Redban:I don't think any of us do.

42:34Jeremy (Adam Ray):Spanish and German. What did you say? Hola, como estas? And gemeinsam sin were stark. Just means, uh, together we are strong. In German. Gay.

42:47Matt Rife:No, that's what's up. That's a sweet sentiment. That's a sweet sentiment.

42:50Jeremy (Adam Ray):I just got called gay by the guy with blonde bleach hair.

42:53Brian Redban:No, that was Jeremy that called it. No, that was me. I was being nice

42:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):sorry Matt

43:03Brian Redban:and if Matt

43:04Jeremy (Adam Ray):I was doing a Matt Reif impression

43:06Brian Redban:it's okay so tell us what is your love life like do you have a girlfriend right now

43:13Jeremy (Adam Ray):yeah I do surprisingly enough she lives in New York she's a black woman hell yeah she's making pumpernickel

43:23Brian Redban:yes that is the black East infection joke. Got it. Zing. There you go. Good. I think we just pulled a Monique for him. I think Matt Reif just wrote your joke for you. Good. There you go. Thank you. That's the joke.

43:37Jeremy (Adam Ray):Where'd you meet her? On Hinge. Yeah, she lived in Dallas at the time, and we met at a DeLuca pizza place.

43:46Brian Redban:You met online and then at a pizza place, or you ran into each other at a pizza place?

43:50Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, we met on Hinge, messaged a couple times back and forth, and then... And then what happened? So you're eating pizza. What kind of pizza did you get that day? Do you remember? I got a... Dude, I treat DeLuca like it's Cece's Pizza, and I had like 25 slices and leaving the crust on the table like an absolute piece of shit. Damn. Yeah, you ate it on stage here tonight. I sure did.

44:10Brian Redban:That's what I usually... How about her? Do you remember what kind of pizza she got?

44:15Jeremy (Adam Ray):It's like a buffet style, so it's kind of really hard to say. They have everything from basics to a bunch of unique ones. It's like a... Unique is her sister's name?

44:27Brian Redban:Okie dokie. Anthony. So how long have you been with this black girl?

44:33Jeremy (Adam Ray):It's been a year and three months. What does she do for work? She is a communications director for a tech company.

44:39Brian Redban:Is there something that you realized when having sex with your black girlfriend that is different than having sex with a white woman? Can you tell this audience, especially Jeremy, really wants to know...

44:51Matt Rife:And if you have any sort of video proof, that would be... Fucking awesome!

44:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):Funny you should mention that. No, I'm very serious. Get with me after the show. I got you. Let's go. I got you. Yeah, no, the big difference would just be way more cheeks, that's for sure. It's warmer. What does that mean? It's true. That is a fact. What's warmer? I think that's what I'm trying to ask. What's warmer? The inside of the vagina is warmer. The inside, yeah, like the whole thing. Even the outside.

45:33Jeremy (Adam Ray):Why is the outside also warm?

45:36Brian Redban:Well, there's a couple reasons.

45:39Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, that's a good question. They absorb the sun. Too much vitamin D will do that to you. It's from all the perineum sunbathing.

45:49Brian Redban:Okie dokie.

45:51Matt Rife:Oh, we just fucking suck the energy out of that car.

45:53Brian Redban:Anthony, you said, funny you mentioned that, like, you might actually have a sex tape out there. Have you guys recorded yourselves having sex? Yes. But it's only for your own personal viewing? No, no, it's... You guys made a porno? Yep, it's out there. Where can people find this at? Red Band, you've got it pulled up. Oh shit, you just got snaked. Oh shit. Here it comes. Oh shit. Whoa, different couch.

46:25Matt Rife:Fuck your rabbit. Oh my goodness.

46:30Brian Redban:Sorry D. See, there's a snake on the loose. Alright. Okay, so is it really out there? Did you really make a porn? Can you at least describe the porn to us? Are you playing a character? Is it just like, hey, what's up? No, it's not great.

46:44Jeremy (Adam Ray):We don't have a production crew like this.

46:47Brian Redban:Didn't you go to acting school with Paul Rudd in 94?

46:52Brian Redban:Do I look that old? How can people find it? How what? How can people find the sex tape? It's out there. What would it be labeled under?

47:00Matt Rife:It's on Reddit. Is it on dashboardconfessional.com? Because you look like the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional. Okay, nobody fucking knows who that band is. That fucking sucks. Hey, you're vindicated. Okay.

47:13Brian Redban:Yeah. All right. One person got that. One's going to be able to see Anthony's finest work.

47:18Matt Rife:What was the coolest move you did in the tape? Like, what was, like, because I haven't done it, so, like, what's the... If I'm going to make a sex tape, what's the opening move?

47:26Jeremy (Adam Ray):It's the opening move on the sex tape? Well, what was the highlight of the sex tape? Let's ask that. Coming. That was the best part of the sex tape. It was mostly just POV close-up, so no really, like, good moves to really see. Yeah, I don't know that I want to see him. We've got to keep our faces out of it, you know? Yeah, I've never jerked off to Danny Masterson before. That would be kid porn, so you wouldn't want to do that probably.

47:51Brian Redban:That is... Probably a good idea. You do be looking like that. No doubt about it. Do people tell you that a lot? I've gotten it lately, yeah. I've gotten the hot one.

48:00Jeremy (Adam Ray):Are you going for that? Because it seems like... No, no, I'm not going for it, but I have been getting it lately. I don't know if it's the sideburns or the yellow glasses, but... With a real rapey vibe. Maybe it's that. You ever think about that? Y 'all are so safe with me. Y 'all are so safe. Not you. You're safe. You're definitely safe.

48:23Brian Redban:Anthony, let's try again another time. Here's a little joke book. There he goes. Anthony Fink. We're going to keep it moving along. I tried. I tried with that one. All right. Let's meet somebody else. This looks like a new name. Make some noise for J.P. Leonard, everybody. Oh, there's Heidi. Make some noise for Heidi, everybody. J.P. Leonard.

48:46Jeremy (Adam Ray):I am from Louisiana, Cajun country. Settle down. And everyone wants to come to Cajun country. They want to see all the stuff we have. And I'm like, look, I live there. My favorite place closed during COVID, and that was an all-you-can-eat Popeye's buffet. That's right. I don't know if you know this. Lafayette, Louisiana is home to the only Popeye's buffet in the world. And it was beautiful. Full menu, fried chicken, white meat, dark meat, all the sides you can have and all the biscuits and ketchup you can fucking eat. And people ask me, was it good? And I'm like, you shut your damn mouth. And then I look them in the eyes and I tell them, in May 2018, world-class chef Anthony Bourdain came to Lafayette to film an episode of his TV show.

49:27Jeremy (Adam Ray):And he ate at that Popeye's buffet three days in a row. And less than six weeks later, he killed himself. So...

49:38Jeremy (Adam Ray):Was it good? You're goddamn right it was good. All I'm saying is, how do we get Bobby Flay to Waffle House? All right, that's it.

49:47Brian Redban:Okay, 56 seconds of J.P. Leonard. J.P., you look like you're new here, right? I am, first time, yeah. Welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? A little over 10. 10 years. Where at? Lafayette, Louisiana. Okay, you've been there the whole time. You still live there?

50:01Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yep, I run a scene out there.

50:03Brian Redban:Oh, nice. You have a family?

50:04Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, I do. Wife, two kids, two dogs, three cats.

50:07Brian Redban:Wow, look at that. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

50:11Jeremy (Adam Ray):What do you do for work? I'm education, so I work from home now, so virtual school.

50:16Brian Redban:Nice, virtual school. What are you teaching?

50:18Jeremy (Adam Ray):I'm not. I do special ed stuff, IEPs, all that good stuff.

50:21Brian Redban:Oh, Jeremy, this may be one of your...

50:23Matt Rife:You speak my language. I also love Popeyes. I know. Good to see you again, though. Yeah.

50:30Brian Redban:One of your former great teachers. Yeah.

50:33Matt Rife:Yeah, no, I definitely did. I did all that shit all the way through grade school. I mean, I was one of the more advanced, you know? Everybody was, like, chewing on shit, and I was like... Let's fucking... Yeah, you can swallow. What's that? You can swallow, so... I can swallow? What? Okay, keep going. All right. I might be a virgin, but I still like girls. Yeah. What the fuck was that? Nothing, nothing. I'm just... No? JP, can you get... Get him, Tony.

51:02Brian Redban:JP, can you give us an example of times where you've noticed something funny while teaching special ed online?

51:11Jeremy (Adam Ray):I didn't teach for long, so I do like IEPs and stuff, and I was a supervisor and all that. What's IEPs? Like the plan, Jeremy, you got it. The plans for special education kids, you know, it's like the document, yeah. But I was an assistant principal before that. I've kind of been in everything, so mostly out the classroom my whole time. Okay.

51:26Brian Redban:Is it easy doing that for the special ed industry?

51:32Jeremy (Adam Ray):I would call them an industry, but yeah. I mean, they're not on the Dow, but, you know. They're on the der. You said it. Amazing. No, man, I loved it. I mean, I did teach for a couple years and then moved into supervisor roles and everything, but yeah, I love education. It's been 23 years I've been doing it.

51:53Brian Redban:Wow, that's great. That is just great.

51:55Jeremy (Adam Ray):Jeremy? I don't know.

51:58Matt Rife:Any of the kids ever try to fucking fight you? No, I've been cool. I was cool. I was a cool teacher the time I taught. But did anybody ever, like, fucking just off their meds, on the spectrum, just fucking come for you? No. Did you ever take self-defense? Like, did you ever think about, like, what if? Because you always got to be in any sort of supervisor role. You got to play the what if game, right?

52:19Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, you do, it's called CPI training, crisis prevention. So you try to de-escalate the thing.

52:25Brian Redban:All right, hit me with some music real quick, fellas. Yeah, let's see what happens. Let's say there's a little crisis. Let's say... Let's see if you remember your CPI.

52:32Matt Rife:Here's Jeremy. Let's say you're at a fucking ATM machine. So you're trying to get some cash out. And I just got done getting Taco Bell. And I realized I was a little short on cash. And I got to get some money to go back to get the fucking nachos, right? Okay. And you're at the machine. And all of a sudden... And here we go. Wow. Look at... Hey, motherfucker, give me a fucking gun. Or give me a... I have a fucking gun. Fuck. Wow. So, all right, so... Okay, here we go. You got a little... I got to get more money? All right. Hey, um, do you mind if I borrow a$5 bill? No, you go sit. I was just getting to suck my dick!

53:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):What do you do? I won't suck your dick, and you just go sit down. Okay. It fucking works. I'm gonna be starting with him.

53:25Matt Rife:Wow, way to fucking improvise, dude. Yes.

53:29Brian Redban:Crisis prevented, without a doubt.

53:31Jeremy (Adam Ray):I've never had that much spit on my ear, so it was kind of weird, you know?

53:34Matt Rife:Well, it's not the first time before I had that. Oh, boy. From the kids, they spit.

53:39Brian Redban:JP, how long have you been with your baby mama?

53:42Jeremy (Adam Ray):We made 22 years in December, married. Wow.

53:44Brian Redban:How do you keep things fresh in the bedroom? How do you keep things exciting?

53:49Jeremy (Adam Ray):We role play. Really? Yeah.

53:51Brian Redban:Can you give us an example of some things that you've done?

53:53Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah. Yeah, so the latest one, I act as like cartoon character, so my new character, I'm doing the children's lovable donkey, Eeyore. Oh, yes. This is gold. And who is she in this? She's just herself.

54:08Brian Redban:Oh, nice. Hell yeah. She likes donkeys. I love it. Who doesn't love a good old donkey dickin'? Yeah, I mean... So can you give us an example of how you come in the room when you're donkeying it up?

54:21Jeremy (Adam Ray):I walk on two legs because I was trained. And then, uh, and when, you know, she wants to do stuff, and I'm like, okay.

54:28Matt Rife:Oh, yeah.

54:30Jeremy (Adam Ray):I'm like, I guess we can do that position. Okay. And then she keeps going, and I'm like, I've never done anal. Oh, look, poo. All right, so we need the poo joke. All right. Yeah. How do you come as Eeyore? Uh, ugh. Also buckets. Oh, you're a donkey. It's got to be, you know, you got to go fucking hard, dude.

54:51Brian Redban:I'm pretty mellow, so. You must have gotten to the same acting school as Monique. Not a lot of commitment there. Give us one more crazy fun fact about your life, J.P. Leonard. You seem like you've seen a lot. Lafayette, Louisiana is a crazy place.

55:08Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, it sits there. It's interesting. No, I mean, other than comedy, I run shows, produce shows, do a lot of podcast editing, and if I'm at home, I just like a good cigar, a good glass of whiskey, and share a rotisserie chicken with my dogs on the back patio, you know?

55:23Brian Redban:Hell yeah. Look at you. A real just good old American man.

55:29Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah.

55:29Brian Redban:Living the life. I love it. Anything else for JP, gentlemen?

55:34Matt Rife:Too mellow. Yeah, there's got to be something going on. Like, you can't just be like, I just like chicken and hanging out. Like, that's what I do. No, there's something fucked up going on here, dude. No, I'm pretty. What is it?

55:45Brian Redban:Your whole set was about a Popeye's buffet. Yeah. Highlight of your interview was rotisserie chicken.

55:51Jeremy (Adam Ray):I used to be a really fatter dude. Oh. Yeah, I lost like 80 pounds over the last year or so.

55:55Brian Redban:Oh, that's where all this comes from.

55:56Jeremy (Adam Ray):Okay. Yeah. Is it Ozempic? No, I couldn't afford Ozempic, so I got the bootleg stuff. Oh, nice. Yeah. Just eating right, you know, and working out, I guess. All right. You don't have to look at my pecs. Say it again? You don't have to look at my pecs when I said that. No, you look good. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I bet you swallow.

56:17Matt Rife:Rotisserie chicken, yes. Sure, if that's what you want to call it. Do you ever have, does your wife ever like, because like, you know, my most boyfriend, Jerry, is always like, you know, your mom had been fucking her for a while, so like at some point we're going to mix it up, bring somebody else into the bed. Does your wife ever suggest that? Or do you ever get, I always feel that that's like coming in a marriage where it's like you got to fucking spice things up, bring somebody else into the. No, the biggest thing I did, I got a vasectomy, so that's it.

56:46Jeremy (Adam Ray):Prove it. All right.

56:48Brian Redban:Give me a cup. All right. Oh, shit. Gross. JP, fun times. Here's a medium joke book. Nice to meet you, buddy. All right. Make the trip again. See you another minute. This is a one-word name coming at you right now, so anything can happen here. What we've learned from many years of the show is one-word names can be a little bit more wild than two-word names. So make some noise for Kyle, everybody. One-word, Kyle.

57:18Jeremy (Adam Ray):Guys. So the last like, since for like an hour, I was talking to a real comic. And he was like telling me like, dude, this is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Like coming up on stage your first night. I'm like, well, shit, I don't want to do that. And dude, here we are, of course. But like my minute, I don't know when it started, but like when you come to sign up for this, they're like, why do you think you would be good? And I'm like, well, you're right, I don't think I'd be good. And I just like, I heard there's this like exquisite joy from like failing, like public humiliation that you can't get anywhere else.

58:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):And, um... I'm here right now experiencing that.

58:22Brian Redban:Kyle was somehow the best bucket pool set of the night. No preparation whatsoever.

58:31Brian Redban:Wow, so this is your first time ever attempting stand-up. I love it. Welcome, Kyle. Welcome. Straight from the Vietnam War. It's incredible. Afghanistan. This is going to be a hell of an interview. I don't see how we can fail here, Kyle. So tell us, what made you want to start stand-up comedy today?

58:51Jeremy (Adam Ray):Okay. The answer I was going to give to the guy.

58:55Brian Redban:You just have to give the honest answer.

58:57Jeremy (Adam Ray):What my one minute was, was like, my life's too tragic. Okay. My life is too tragic to be taken seriously. Like, by the way I look. Oh, my God. Jesus. Evil William Montgomery. Yeah.

59:14Brian Redban:It's okay.

59:15Jeremy (Adam Ray):Where's his scooter, dude? You heard about it? It's right over there. You can't miss it.

59:21Brian Redban:Again, not only were you one of the more genuine sets, you're also one of the better-looking bucket pools that we've had here tonight. So welcome to the Kill Tony universe. Okay, stick with me here, Kyle. What have you been doing with your life this entire time? You could just ramble it all off at once.

59:41Jeremy (Adam Ray):Well, I was talking to another comic about that.

59:43Brian Redban:Again, you don't need to reference other conversations. You could just answer the questions directly. I live in the woods in Oklahoma. Perfect. In a cabin. Okay. Are you on the run from something? Like wildlife?

59:58Matt Rife:What the fuck does that mean? Are there a bunch of moose that are trying to get fucking money out of you or something? In Oklahoma? In Oklahoma. Oklahoma moose.

1:00:09Jeremy (Adam Ray):The old... It's not a joke. There's... Nobody can get it, dude.

1:00:15Brian Redban:What the fuck? Go ahead. Elks, mostly. Elks. Okay. What makes you want to make... What made you move to a cabin in Oklahoma? Family trust. We have a trust up there. Me and my dad built it when I was like nine. Okay. Or a kid. And is your dad still alive? Yeah. Okay, so you hang out with your dad? I hang out in the woods by myself, pretty much. By yourself? Your dad's not there anymore? He's like, he has a law firm in Dallas. Your dad has a law firm in Dallas. Okay. And he built you a cabin in Oklahoma and said, here you go, kid. You stay here. Yeah.

1:00:53Matt Rife:Yeah. Dude, if you need a roommate, I am free. Because I'm in an Airbnb in fucking San Antonio right now. It is not cheap.

1:01:04Jeremy (Adam Ray):I know I'm like kind of a loneless, but I love my dad. He's awesome. He's like the smartest guy I've ever known.

1:01:09Brian Redban:Okay, Jeremy. You don't need to start applause rings for loving your dad. Enough for dads.

1:01:14Matt Rife:I don't know mine. You hate Jerry. Son.

1:01:17Brian Redban:You hate Jerry.

1:01:18Matt Rife:He's except my mom's boyfriend. I don't have a dad. Do you want me to fucking... Relax. Cry? Relax.

1:01:30Brian Redban:Okay, Kyle, have you ever... You have a job? No, fuck no. Look at you. you are dressed like a guy that doesn't have a job have you ever had a job okay you would say yes at that part into the microphone kyle my last job was at 7-eleven okay i could love that place i worked there for uh like two weeks and then you ever committed any crimes well i was trying to get back in the army and then um project into the tip of that microphone you have to talk a little bit louder you don't to cup it you could just talk you don't have to do Just talk like a grown-up into the tip of the mic. What was the question again?

1:02:12Brian Redban:Have you ever committed any crimes? No violent crimes. No. Okay. Ever steal any Kit Kats? Dude, Mike. Very specific question, Jeremy. You're asking these complicated questions. You ever steal any valor?

1:02:27Matt Rife:No! When you were in the woods, did you ever see a fucking snake?

1:02:36Brian Redban:Sorry, dude. Kyle, Kyle, there are any ladies out there in the woods? What do you do for fun? Like, what do you do? How do you? I do bird calling. Okay, let's hear some bird calls. Thank God Almighty. We got something out of them. Here we go with some bird calls. Falcon. Is that a falcon?

1:03:00Brian Redban:It's just a general call I do to all birds. Okay. Do you know any other calls, bird calls?

1:03:09Matt Rife:Female falcon.

1:03:13Brian Redban:Female falcon. Jeremy is a bird specialist. Wait. Kyle, I'm going to ask you again. What made you come down to Austin, Texas for this? Do you know what this, have you ever watched a show or something?

1:03:28Jeremy (Adam Ray):When you're that bored in the woods, like, I just do shit. drive 500 miles on a scooter and I'm like, this is kind of fun.

1:03:37Brian Redban:You were on a scooter? Did you find this scooter in Tucson, Arizona? Green wheels? No, I bought it in Plano, Texas.

1:03:47Matt Rife:Thank you. People that appreciate a good call back there. Wait, like Dumb and Dumber style? You fucking came all the way here? Let's go, dude.

1:03:56Jeremy (Adam Ray):You ever ridden a train? Yes. Steam engine? Not a steam engine. You should try it. I want to. You'd love it. I would. You'd fucking love it.

1:04:06Matt Rife:How did you know I was autistic about trains? Because you look like a conductor from a kid show. That is true. That is true. Fuck it.

1:04:15Jeremy (Adam Ray):Looks like you could be the... That's actually my dream job right now. Okay.

1:04:19Brian Redban:All right, Kyle. I recommend preparing for this, writing, memorizing your set, and signing up again sometime. Come back, sign up again. I'm going to send you back to Oklahoma with a little joke book. I think you've got to give Jeremy his snake back. Here you go. There you go. Boom. There you go. All right. There he goes.

1:04:43Brian Redban:Welcome to Kilt Side. Will you let this fucking guy go? What the fuck is going on?

1:04:49Matt Rife:I felt bad. He was going to take it. And I was like, he's by himself. Maybe he could talk to it. But then I was like, I really fucking want. I didn't want to give it away.

1:04:56Brian Redban:I heard Jeremy say, I paid for it. Like, what the fuck?

1:05:03Matt Rife:It's 7-Eleven, ironically.

1:05:07Brian Redban:Unbelievable. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special treat for you. We love this guy around here. He's so different than everybody else. Here with a brand new minute, make some noise for Sir Winston Pickles, everybody. Ooh, listen to the pop for Sir Winston Pickles. Ooh.

1:05:33Hello.

1:05:42Jeremy (Adam Ray):This, by the way, is little Kwame. I've been sponsoring this little guy in Africa for the last three years at 99 cents a week. And unbeknown to me last March, my credit card expired. So, uh, he's dead.

1:06:15Jeremy (Adam Ray):No worries, his family's still getting a little bit of money. They sold his shrunken head to a tourist.

1:06:30Jeremy (Adam Ray):I love America, right? It's the only place you can go to work, especially Olive Garden, and start your shift as a chef and end up as a head chef.

1:06:42Jeremy (Adam Ray):Thank you.

1:06:50Brian Redban:First of all, one of my favorite jokes of the night. How about a ham versus Winston Pickles? But let's talk about that Olive Garden joke at the end. Chef, head chef, what do you mean?

1:07:01Jeremy (Adam Ray):A guy just fried his head, committed suicide.

1:07:04Brian Redban:Oh, got it. Got it. Oh, that did, yes. And you, Red Band's flag is at half staff for that. He's a huge, huge Olive Garden fan. It's been a rough week for you. Olive Garden guy killed himself in the deep fryer. And Wendy's are closing. 400. 400 locations. Wait, why?

1:07:27Jeremy (Adam Ray):No, they're downsizing and they're trying to redo their menu, make it cheaper because of the economy and all that stuff. Five letters. R, F, K, K. Don't mean you'll be downsizing. What?

1:07:40Brian Redban:Redban will be downsizing. That's true. He's going to be down 400 too. All right. Sir Winston Pickles, amazing, amazing material. Explain to the people what the half and half is. I don't know if everybody can see exactly what's going on there, but.

1:07:55Jeremy (Adam Ray):I actually saw this lady in Tucson last week. Nancy Guthrie.

1:08:04Brian Redban:You saw her in Tucson?

1:08:05Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, she was on a Razor scooter. She was...

1:08:09Brian Redban:That is Nancy Guthrie on the side of a half-and-half... Well, somebody's got to do a thing, because the FBI isn't. That is true. Nothing's happening, it seems. Sir Winston Pickles is back. Jeremy, this must be very exciting for you.

1:08:23Matt Rife:Yeah, this is a real treat. I am afraid of clowns, but you're super fucking funny, dude. Do you do birthday parties, do you? No, none of that shit. Okay. Where are you from? England. Let's go. Which part? Yorkshire. Is that the Harry Potter part? No, no.

1:08:48Matt Rife:How long did you... Oh, it's just a... You ever... You thinking of the question right now? No, I've got it. I just don't know how to ask it. When I say I'm afraid of him, what's, uh... When you're having... So, Virgin, let's get it out of the way. When you do it, does it help to look like that? Like, when you get to do it, do you fucking stay like that, or do you fucking change it up? When I do what? When... Do I need to fucking act it out? Like, when you fucking... When you get to fucking... fucking okay maybe maybe maybe use your words yeah just when you get to fucking do intercourse and shit yeah of course I do you say oh you say like that yes let's go yes do you have a little squeaky towards you yes squeaky toys yes let's go all right that's it Matt

1:09:45Brian Redban:well how far do you go with the paint is that is it full body just finish it with chest okay yes you black under there yes I'm a hiding from ice mmm yeah black people can do that black people can do whiteface really yeah oh the other way around you got a problem it's true or a career yeah you do any tricks no the

1:10:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):fuck I don't own three of anything at home just to detach jugglers well we got

1:10:21Brian Redban:news for you if you want some tricks we got jeremy right here yeah there's only one trick

1:10:27Matt Rife:so um all right so close your eyes

1:10:35Matt Rife:uh imagine you're on a beach right now give me some beach music guys here we go you're on a super super sexy beach right and there's nobody there it's just it's Just a lot of drums. I don't know if that's beach music. Yeah, it's Caribbean beach. And there's a lot of people that are out there, a lot of big-ass titties, right? Everyone's hanging out, a lot of sexy women. And all the women start coming up to you. They go, oh, shit, what's up, man? You black under there? Keep your eyes closed. And then all of a sudden, boom, there's like 30 women. And they're all like, hey, I don't know if those clothes come off easily, but we would like to.

1:11:15Matt Rife:and then open your eyes, and then there's a fucking snake in front of you!

1:11:22Matt Rife:Sorry, dude. That was so fucking disrespectful. I'm sorry.

1:11:24Brian Redban:You could have thrown it at his chest. You didn't have to hit the front of his face.

1:11:28Matt Rife:I'm so sorry, dude. We got him closing. Don't give him a buck. God, it's 7-Eleven.

1:11:32Jeremy (Adam Ray):He has a snake. But you really don't do any tricks, huh? No. So you're just the scariest drag brunch ever? Yes. Oh, my God.

1:11:42Brian Redban:It's terrifying. I love his dark jokes. The he's dead punchline was so crisp. I absolutely loved it. Yeah, crisp. It was a decisive delivery. It wasn't like really anything we've seen tonight. Jeremy tagging with that's what's up. Yeah. And then there was a bunch of people that have done it for a total of 55 years that talked about bread and yeast infections, Popeye's buffets. Grits the south He's dead was my favorite punchline so far. You're welcome So sir, Winston pickles getting us through another great set. Thank you, sir, Winston The Winston pickles ladies and gentlemen nothing quite like a British evil clown They don't make them like that anymore It is terrifying one more time for sir, Winston you guys having fun out there

1:12:47Brian Redban:Back to the bucket we go. As you've seen tonight, absolutely anything can happen. It could be an evil British clown. It could be a man from the woods in Oklahoma. Anything can happen. Make some noise for your next comedian out of the bucket. Hey, Bolstad. Hey, Bolstad.

1:13:10Tony Hinchcliffe:Last time I was in Austin was about$200 ,000 earlier last year in rehab. And yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Let that marinate for a second. So they don't take insurance in rehab, but you do get to learn one thing about rehab. Your roommate will always be the one that's trying to jerk off when they're on Valium. It's two hours. two hours of hearing this when you're trying to sleep and it's not even the fucking good shit like it's not even anyone that's next to you so that's what I have to say about rehab that and all right and uh the fact that you go to sober living which is right next door so my view of from sober living house was all these fucking buildings that I couldn't come to, which was really exciting.

1:13:59Tony Hinchcliffe:And then I got served divorce papers. Yeah, it's just getting there, right? And then on top of that, I decided to become single again at 51. Well, I didn't decide. I didn't decide to become single. I was told that I'm single now. And I still have a credit rating of 820. So...

1:14:24Brian Redban:All right. Hey, Bolstad, making what I believe is your Kill Tony debut, correct? It is my Kill Tony debut, yes, sir. Wow. Okay. Have you ever done stand-up before?

1:14:38Tony Hinchcliffe:A couple of times. A couple of times. Where at? So I host the Hey, Bolstad show in San Antonio. Shout out.

1:14:50Matt Rife:You also look like you host an AA meeting in San Antonio

1:14:53Tony Hinchcliffe:A lot of them Hey, I got six months sobriety this month

1:14:57Matt Rife:Let's go, dude Okay Buds kill All right

1:15:00Tony Hinchcliffe:No! No!

1:15:03Brian Redban:Hey, let's talk about it Fuck it Right

1:15:06Matt Rife:Just gonna go see if Jurassic Park is still open

1:15:15Matt Rife:This is a tough crowd We're going to be dinosaurs on this dinosaur tour. Where we're going, we don't need roads. That's a different movie. Oh, shit, a different movie. I've only seen Jurassic Park 2, by the way.

1:15:31Brian Redban:Hell yeah. Hey, Bullstad. Let's talk about it. How old are you? I'm 51. 51. You don't look a day over 65. Well, that's jujitsu for me.

1:15:40Tony Hinchcliffe:Jujitsu makes my life a lot easier. You do jujitsu? 15 years.

1:15:44Matt Rife:What belt are you?

1:15:46Tony Hinchcliffe:Four stripes on my blue belt. Getting ready for my purple. Wow.

1:15:50Matt Rife:Is that your new catchphrase? Getting ready to... Yeah, why not? Getting ready for my purple. All right. Can I give him a little scenario? All right.

1:15:57Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm ready. Fuck it.

1:15:59Matt Rife:Let's say you're at the ATM and I just got back from getting some Taco Bell.

1:16:03Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm an ATM?

1:16:05Brian Redban:You're supposed to be helping me.

1:16:07Tony Hinchcliffe:Don't hurt him when this happens.

1:16:09Brian Redban:Hey, Bolstad, don't hurt him. This looks like it could be a real... Yeah, pretend... Getting money up. It's the ATM. That's the ATM. Give me all your money, Paul. Word. Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, hey. Okay, all right. This is a bad idea. Jeremy, this is a bad idea. Hold on, give him a minute. Give him a minute. Oh, whoa. Oh, shit. Jeremy. Jeremy, get back here. You're a lawsuit waiting to happen. I love you.

1:16:37Matt Rife:Get ready for my purple, bitch.

1:16:38Brian Redban:All right.

1:16:40Matt Rife:All the way in.

1:16:41Brian Redban:Dude, we just started dancing out of nowhere. The only person having any purple up here is John D's and D Madness. It's their beverage of choice, everybody. Purple. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Full stat, I have a thousand questions for you. Let's get into it. You're 51, you're six months sober. What kind of party were you having exactly to where you had to go to a$200 ,000 rehab facility? Ready?

1:17:06Tony Hinchcliffe:Fuck it. Let me see. A gallon and a half of vodka a day. No one's allowed to tell me no. basically fly wherever I want, do whatever I want. And, yeah.

1:17:18Brian Redban:What do you do for work? How'd you make that money to be able to do that, fly wherever you want, drinking a gallon?

1:17:23Tony Hinchcliffe:How shameless am I allowed to get?

1:17:26Brian Redban:Just answer the fucking question, dude. It's been a rough night for interviews tonight.

1:17:30Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah, I own a river outfitter in New Braunfels, Texas. Nice. And I just been doing this. You've done that your whole life? For a good 16 years now, yeah. Okay. And, yeah, I don't know, man. I just hustle. I'm a grinder like everybody else. Not grinder. Okay.

1:17:48Brian Redban:All right. Hey, Bolstad. So, a gallon of vodka a day. You were flying all over. A gallon and a half. Okay. All right. There you go.

1:17:57Tony Hinchcliffe:Was there drugs involved? Cocaine is always going to be a beneficial thing to almost anything. If you want to stay up for a couple of days and shit your brains out. Okay. It's a skinny drug. I know. What the f -

1:18:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):He's six months sober. You're right. You know what? I love you too. I love you too, man. I don't like that I can see your dick in these sweatpants. I know. Oh, it is very clear.

1:18:22Brian Redban:I really don't love it, dude.

1:18:24Matt Rife:It is very clear.

1:18:25Tony Hinchcliffe:Hey.

1:18:26Matt Rife:Yeah, you're ready to go to the strip club. That's what's up. San Antonio.

1:18:32Tony Hinchcliffe:Ere, ere, ere, ere.

1:18:33Matt Rife:Ere, ere, ere. Oh, shit. I'm going to that one too.

1:18:36Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm having the best time ever. This is awesome. Wait, you said you were divorced? Halfway through it

1:18:42Matt Rife:Oh shit A gallon and a half Oh god A gallon and a half Yeah Tony Come on

1:18:46Tony Hinchcliffe:You know what I wish her the best I got nothing negative

1:18:51Matt Rife:Wish her the best But if you had to say One thing about it Wouldn't be here On YouTube Forever

1:18:56Tony Hinchcliffe:No I wouldn't be here You're a smart guy I want everybody Happy in life I love that You have kids Bullstead I got a daughter That's going to turn Seven next month Okay

1:19:06Brian Redban:Alright You're still in her life Yes, absolutely. That's great. So what made you want to get in a stand-up comedy?

1:19:14Tony Hinchcliffe:I talked shit to Pauly Shore when I was 17, when I lived in San Diego, and he dragged me around because I kept talking shit. And Mitzi and them let me go on for a Friday night and a Saturday night. What year was this? This would be 1992. Wow, still three years pre-Matt Rife. And then...

1:19:39Brian Redban:That's absolutely incredible.

1:19:41Tony Hinchcliffe:And then, yeah, and then after that, I went surfing, and then went and got a job, and whatever the fuck else happened. What was the job? Motivational speaker. What were you speaking about? Positivity and how to raise money for high school athletics. And I would tell the football players, if you have two girlfriends, you make them both sell. That one that sells the most, you keep her, the other one's a loser anyway.

1:20:06Brian Redban:Sell what?

1:20:07Tony Hinchcliffe:Chocolate.

1:20:09Brian Redban:You gotta say that. Chocolate and... This is a night of confusing interviews. It's a night of love. Bolstad, stick with me up here just for a second because I want to know from my own information and maybe we'll circle back to this crap. But you talked shit to Pauly Shores. You're basically like...

1:20:26Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah, he was walking by. He had two blondes, one on each side. And then you said... I went and I was like, man, what you do, that ain't shit. I had no idea.

1:20:34Brian Redban:I'm 17. But you definitely knew who he was.

1:20:37Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah, because he had two blondes, one on each side. And also because he had the face and hair of Pauly Shore. Well, that, he also, I think, Encino Man or something. Something was out, and he was... No shit, yeah.

1:20:48Brian Redban:Word. Okay, that's the answer. So you knew who Pauly Shore was. You talked shit to him. I want to know about, you met the actual Mitzi Shore? Yeah. And then she said...

1:20:59Tony Hinchcliffe:And I also met the man with the crutches. that he had all the stuffed animals on his crutches. Okay, it doesn't matter. And they made me sit outside in the back in the parking lot because I couldn't come in.

1:21:10Brian Redban:Correct. That makes more sense. Because earlier you said that they put you on stage. We did. Okay. But I had to wait outside. Okay. Stick with me here, Bullstead. Stick with me here. Are you ready? I'm ready. When you say they put you on stage, was it by yourself? Yeah. For how long?

1:21:27Tony Hinchcliffe:Five minutes. Was it three minutes? No, they have a light. I didn't know what the light was. Was it upstairs? No, it was in the main room. Did it have a red stage or was it carpeted? Small room? There was a piano. I just remember there was a piano there because I used it the second night I came up. Was it a keyboard or an actual physical piano?

1:21:48Brian Redban:Was it a red stage with red neon lights?

1:21:53Tony Hinchcliffe:That part I don't remember, but everybody was super cool. It was in La Jolla. Okay, there you go. We'll fucking start with that. Yes. Total different venue.

1:22:08Brian Redban:No, I get nothing. Nothing and love it. Okay, both stat. Uphill both ways. What did you do on stage since you had no comedic experience? I talked about getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

1:22:20Tony Hinchcliffe:What did you say about that? I said that I had gone to the planet Drool because I couldn't really do anything other than Drool while I was getting it done. and there was a dentist that was in the audience and he started heckling me. And so I just went all in and I just told him that maybe he needed a better profession. Got him.

1:22:44Jeremy (Adam Ray):Got him fucking good, dude.

1:22:46Tony Hinchcliffe:17, bro. Why you got to pick on a 17-year-old?

1:22:50Matt Rife:There you go. Which Pauly in the back like, boo, bro.

1:22:53Tony Hinchcliffe:No. He was so cool. Like, he was really, really cool about the whole thing. And when I was done, then they, I got down, walked down off the stage, and they brought me over to the, kind of towards the front, and then there's that hallway that goes back. And they wouldn't let me go in the back, but they let me hang out there. And then, yeah, man, I just, someone offered me 25 bucks for one of my jokes. Ooh, okay.

1:23:16Brian Redban:See, every time I'm about to move on to something else, you say something like that, which is completely fucking insane. There's a lot about me that's insane. What was the joke that someone offered 25 bucks for? Do you remember that? By the way, that is the first time I've shushed somebody in 13 and a half years. That's how you make me feel, Bullstad. I've literally never said shh before. Thousands of hours of this show exist. I know you roll. You're the first person that... I know you roll. Okay. You'll be all right.

1:23:45Tony Hinchcliffe:Do you remember the joke? So it was from the planet Drool, and I was talking about them pushing the needle, which was at this point, it was like this long. and they put it all the way through my gum. Uh-huh. And I guess the guy, the comic that was back there, he was wearing a blazer and... Not the question I asked. Go ahead. Well, I'm getting to it. So he said, hey, man, I like that. He said, I like it. And he offered me 25 bucks. And I was like, well, fuck, all right. I need the money. 25 bucks, bro.

1:24:14Brian Redban:So you don't remember the joke? I just told you the joke. No, you didn't. You just said that you shoved a needle in his thing

1:24:20Jeremy (Adam Ray):and then you described what the guy was wearing.

1:24:21Brian Redban:I was talking about the needle.

1:24:22Jeremy (Adam Ray):You can't hear D Madness behind me going, oh my God. Oh yeah, D Madness is freaking out. All right. He said he's the worst comic he's ever seen. It is amazing, Bolstad.

1:24:34Brian Redban:Hell yeah. Here comes the purple. I got it. Oh, you got tattoos. No, it doesn't matter. Jeremy, pay no attention to the tattoos. There's a little joke book. There goes, hey, Bolstad, everybody. There's nothing interesting about that man whatsoever on planet Earth. Your girlfriend's here? Yeah. You want to bring your girlfriend out? Can she come out? Yeah, sure. Guys, can you bring my girlfriend out? Is that cool if she hangs out for a bit? Jeremy's bringing your girlfriend out? Yeah. This is insane. You dropped your ass, Bill. This is one of the most carnival-esque episodes of Kilt. Oh, my goodness.

1:25:11Brian Redban:What? Wait, what? What in the world is going on here? What is... What? Thank God. What is going on?

1:25:23Matt Rife:Check, check, check. Oh, my God. Wait. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Oh, my God.

1:25:37Jeremy (Adam Ray):What the fuck, man? Oh, my God.

1:25:42Brian Redban:What's up, Matt? Good to see you again.

1:25:46Brian Redban:What is your girlfriend's name, Jeremy? I'm right here, Tony. Oh, what's your name?

1:25:53Matt Rife:It's Lindsey. I can talk for myself. What did I say about talking too much, bitch?

1:25:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):I love, he doesn't even try not to move his mouth.

1:26:07Matt Rife:Yeah, well, maybe take me to dinner, Matt, and I'll move my mouth a lot more.

1:26:14Brian Redban:Whoa, what was that? A celebratory? What is that thing you did there? Oh, fuck you, Tony. This is the first time we've ever had a lady like you on this show. Lindsay?

1:26:28Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yes.

1:26:31Brian Redban:Lindsay, you sound a lot like Jeremy, I gotta tell you. You guys must hang out a lot. Well, I have a cold.

1:26:41Matt Rife:Excuse us. What's up, Redman? What's up, baby? Redman and I are in the same VR channel. Wow.

1:26:49Brian Redban:Look at that. Oh, yeah. These are the types of people that hang out with you in the VR world. You should see her fraggles. All right. What the fuck did you say to me? This is amazing. Is Lindsay going to join us for the next bucket poll? Is that cool?

1:27:05Matt Rife:Yeah, no, that's fine. You guys mind if she hangs out for a couple of...

1:27:12Matt Rife:She's real to me.

1:27:14Brian Redban:Ooh, that sounds exciting. Someone's got to be around here. Oh, yeah.

1:27:18Matt Rife:We're doing mostly mouse stuff so far. A lot of these people have been... How much of a lower half on this one?

1:27:28Tony Hinchcliffe:I'm R.J. Decker, the private investigator uncovering the sunshine state's darkest secrets. Tonight, it's the premiere of ABC's hottest new crime show.

1:27:39Jeremy (Adam Ray):R.J. freaking Decker as I live and breathe. He's a private eye. It's not a standard murder. It's someone bigger.

1:27:45Tony Hinchcliffe:And a public mess. Trying to get sent back to prison today? You go to prison one time. and suddenly it's all the jokes. RJ Decker, series premiere, tonight on ABC and stream on Hulu.

1:28:00Jeremy (Adam Ray):This episode is brought to you by Nespresso. Introducing Virtuo Up, the latest in a long line of innovation from Nespresso. It's innovation you can touch, sense, and taste in every single cup. With a three-second start, easy open lever, and dedicated brew over ice button, it's even easier to enjoy your coffee your way. Sip for yourself. Shop Virtuo up exclusively at Nespresso.com.

1:28:26Brian Redban:All right, here we go. Your next bucket pool. Lindsey, you know how the show works? Yeah, I have fucking Facebook. Okay. 60 seconds uninterrupted going to Ryan Dortry, everybody. Ryan Dortry. Here we go. The show continues.

1:28:46Jeremy (Adam Ray):I know I look like a Mormon CrossFit instructor, or maybe only an extra in a Viking movie. I didn't get a supporting role. I have no lines. Despite that, I have the emotional and financial stability of a 14-year-old with a stolen credit card and divorced parents. I spend most of my money at the strip club on escorts and on weed, honestly.

1:29:21Jeremy (Adam Ray):So my solution is I'm going to go to a medical trial here in Austin. They're going to inject my butt with HIV medication. and

1:29:35Jeremy (Adam Ray):in the cheek, not in the hole in case anybody was wondering.

1:29:43Jeremy (Adam Ray):I'm really afraid of public speaking so the only reason I did You want to finish that? The only reason I did this was to try to get Kim Congdon's attention. I tried to send her flowers here. Holy shit

1:30:00Brian Redban:Holy shit This is a live stalking This is what this show's come to The show has arrived It was one thing when everyone was bombing Guys just coming down from the woods To get all their socializing Out of their system at once But you coming You were here to get Kim Congdon's attention I drove 25 hours From car Wow, ladies and gentlemen You are witnessing a part of Keltony Live, which will one day be on one of those fucking crime shows. This is incredible. It's happening in real time.

1:30:37Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah. Okay.

1:30:39Brian Redban:Wow, Ryan. So is that really why you're here? Where did you drive 25 hours from exactly? Carson City, Nevada. Carson City, Nevada. I've been there. Oh, okay.

1:30:51Matt Rife:What can I say about talking?

1:30:54Brian Redban:we're in Carson City oh great question Lindsay I love that you go right to questions maybe you missed the part that I always tell Jeremy and Dr. Phil and Elaine in which don't ask stupid questions for no reason because it derails the entire interview portion of the show Lindsay sorry this is harder than it looks okay Ryan let's talk about it Because this is going to be more of like an interrogation solving a crime more than an actual Kill Tony interview. What was it that, where did you see Kim Congdon? Were you fell in love with Kim? September 1st, 2022.

1:31:35Jeremy (Adam Ray):Oh, my God. What the fuck? At Mic Drop Comedy in San Diego, Kearney Mesa, to be more specific. I talked to her for about two hours. Uh-huh. And do you really want me to say, like, some crazy stuff?

1:31:50Brian Redban:Fuck yeah!

1:31:50Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yes!

1:31:51Brian Redban:This is most likely... This is most likely going to be edited out of the show because this is beyond all insanity.

1:31:58Matt Rife:I know how I look. I know how I look. It's not about the look. It's more about the demeanor and the voice and everything else.

1:32:06Brian Redban:Again, you're actually the best-looking Bucket Bull. You just beat out Kyle from the woods in Oklahoma. So, again, it's not about your look. It's about the tone and what you said. But go ahead.

1:32:18Jeremy (Adam Ray):I told her that night, I said, you know tony hinchcliffe okay and nikki glazer i assume you guys should roast my favorite athlete tom brady that was in 2022.

1:32:31Brian Redban:okay wow the prophecy came true the prophecy came true dude you should

1:32:37Jeremy (Adam Ray):tell me to get a bunch of sex going what sex or sesh i don't know sex sex gotcha gotcha

1:32:51Brian Redban:So, Ryan, you talked to her that night. Do you try to communicate with her since then?

1:33:00Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah. I mean, this is like a... I could spend an hour explaining the psychosis I'm in.

1:33:06Brian Redban:It gets scarier with every answer you give, Ryan. It really does. It really does. Okay. Okay. So that's a yes. You guys do talk sometimes?

1:33:16Jeremy (Adam Ray):No, no. She doesn't answer my DMs. Right. I got a comment reply.

1:33:20Brian Redban:So that's pretty good. All right. If she was here right now and you could say anything you want to her, what exactly would you say if you had to keep it under 30 seconds? I would say, I think about you all the time. Oh, man, no.

1:33:37Matt Rife:Wait, wait. Can I? Yes, Lindsay. Can I maybe offer up some female perspective? And what's your name again? Jeffrey? Ryan. Ryan. Sorry. You're giving off Dahmer vibes. Dahmer vibes? So I'll be Kim, and let's say you're meeting me right now for the first time. Cool. Do-do-do-do-do. Ooh. I have such a cool pussy. Oh, what's up, Ryan? Hey, I didn't expect to see you here. Oh, yeah, you fucking did. What's up? How are you?

1:34:14Jeremy (Adam Ray):Long time no see. I'm not sure if you remember me. I like everything you post. I listen to every podcast.

1:34:23Brian Redban:Wait, hold on. Hold on a second. I have to interject here.

1:34:28Matt Rife:I thought it was going pretty great so far, but that's all right.

1:34:30Brian Redban:The Lindsay thing's great, but I got to jump back into this. Hold on a second. Because this is the only show in the world. I don't know if you guys know this. The moment that's happening right now is very interesting because every other show in the world, you have a podcast, you book the guest, you do a little research on the guest, You ask them a few pre-planned questions, right? You try to stretch it out. You try to make it conversational. On television, everything is in a teleprompter. There's cue cards everywhere. Every single thing you've ever seen before, spoiler alert, has been predetermined and was planned before you ever saw it.

1:35:10Brian Redban:Except for this moment. Happening right now, live in this room. This is a live stalking. that is happening right now with our very good friend, one of the first regulars ever in the history of the show, the hilarious Kim Congdon, who is amazing and has been doing standup 13 years.

1:35:34Matt Rife:Yeah, she rips, so funny.

1:35:36Brian Redban:And so, you became obsessed with her. Naturally. And you think about her all the time. All the time. Is there anyone else that you think about this like?

1:35:45Jeremy (Adam Ray):Never in my life. Right. I love her like more than my mom and my mom's dead.

1:36:01Brian Redban:Okay. When you say more than your mom, do you get along with your mom?

1:36:06Jeremy (Adam Ray):She's dead, so I like her a lot more now. Okay, Ed Gein. Jesus Christ, man. Plot twist. Oh, my God. Did you do that to her? Dude. Did you do that to your mom? Maybe with my personality. I don't know. Oh, my God. Kim's going to turn into a fucking lampshade, dude.

1:36:28Brian Redban:Oh, my God. So you've sent her flowers. She hasn't responded. He has, what does that say? A ring and flowers. You have a ring and flowers for Kim is what I've gotten. I've been handed a note. Is that true? Yeah, it's in a bucket and back. I didn't bring it on stage. Right. we don't allow people to bring things on stage and because they might end up like you. So, Ryan, boy, again, this is real. Pretty much all I can say right now. You've stumped me. And yeah, very, very highly likely that this won't make it to the show because it's kind of nuts. Tony. Go ahead, Matt Reif. Can I call Kim and let him talk to him?

1:37:21Brian Redban:That's a great idea.

1:37:27Brian Redban:Again, Red Band, when someone's making a call, the phone doesn't ring.

1:37:33Matt Rife:Oh, this is going to be so good. This is better than Love is Blind.

1:37:43Brian Redban:Wait, put it on speaker, hit the speaker button. Hey, it's Kim Condon. Wait, what? Wait. Oh yeah.

1:37:53Hello?

1:37:54Brian Redban:Hello?

1:37:58Hello?

1:37:59Tony Hinchcliffe:Is it working? It's, well, you, hello?

1:38:03Brian Redban:Hello? You'd have to, you'd have to not have your headset mic on for this bit to work.

1:38:10Brian Redban:Nope. No, you wouldn't... Sorry, bitch, get under the table. You wouldn't use that one either. Let me call her back.

1:38:21Matt Rife:Let me call Kim back.

1:38:22Brian Redban:What?

1:38:31Brian Redban:Ladies and gentlemen, this is... You just got snaked! Or Dr. Pepper Tic Tac. Fuck!

1:38:44Brian Redban:So when you brought a ring and flowers here... So much potential.

1:38:50You're expecting what exactly to happen?

1:38:54Brian Redban:To run into her? That she'd be here, perhaps? You want the realistic perspective? Yes, yes, we do.

1:38:59Jeremy (Adam Ray):Realistically, I expect to be rejected, but just for closure, I have to, you know, you have to swing. What kind of closure exactly are you looking at? Either she's like, yeah, we could date, we could see how it goes, or no, like, this is crazy. This is a weird way to approach a woman.

1:39:19Brian Redban:A lot of women at the same time just said, that's it. Yes, that's it. Almost every woman for the first time I've ever seen agrees on something, on one thing. They all agree on this. They're all looking at me and shaking their heads yes all at once. It's almost incredible. Let's check in with Jeremy.

1:39:38Matt Rife:Well, I got no experience here, so I think what you're doing is pretty fucking chivalrous. Thank you. Thank you. Someone's on fire. Also, some girls like a guy to play hard to get, right? Or they want you to chase them. I mean, not literally chase them, but... I'm fast. You're fast? See, that feels like something you should not say. Stop. Shit. So this is what I want to know from the ladies. At what point when he's given a gift and she doesn't respond, does he just fucking take a hint? Like, that time. Oh. The first time. What'd you say?

1:40:11Brian Redban:Let's see the ring. Oh, good question. Oh. Is it a real ring? Is it a legit ring? How much? How much? Where'd you get it from? How much did you spend?

1:40:18Jeremy (Adam Ray):Not a lot. $250. Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot. It's a, well, open it and I'll explain it.

1:40:26Brian Redban:If we have it. But let me ask you this, Ryan. Because you met her once before, right? Only once. Well. And she hasn't communicated with you since then. So, wait. She used to talk to me on stage at the belly room. Wait, so you went to her show? All the time. Dozens of shows. And sometimes she would respond to you if you asked a question or heckled? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it was kind of conversational. Right. During her set? Yeah. You would yell something out? She would address me and then I would respond.

1:41:01Jeremy (Adam Ray):Right.

1:41:01Brian Redban:She would make fun of you, she would make a joke, and then you would respond.

1:41:05Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yes.

1:41:06Brian Redban:Right. Okay. Fuck, I can't remember what my question was. Hold on. God damn it. Hold on. Fuck. No. Hold on. So. I'm getting suggestions from the crowd for questions, by the way. Again, that's another first in the history of the show. That's a good documentary, dude. Yeah. This is incredible. Because I don't think, don't you think that if you talk to her one more time and she said to you, Ryan, this is kind of wild. You're not my type. I'm not into this. Don't you think that since you've only talked to her before once in reality that you're going to only like her more?

1:41:49Jeremy (Adam Ray):Probably, yeah. Every time I hear her talk, I tend to like her more. So. Right. Okay. Which is either stalkerish or nice, depending if I'm attracted to it. No, it's the first one. It's stalkerish, Ryan.

1:41:59Brian Redban:Ryan, this is one of the scariest things in the history of the show. Have you ever had another girlfriend? Yeah. Okay. Don't say it like that. Yeah. I'm 29. I'm 29. Come on. You're 29. Okay. Dick's been dry 29 years. It's very possible. This is Jeremy right here. Okay. Your belt is at the end. That's the loosest setting. That is an unbelievable observation. I'm a 32 waist. I'm a 32 waist. No more loops left. It is incredible. What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? Ten months. Ten months. Did the girl know that she was still in the relationship the whole ten months?

1:42:44Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, but she was AI. I'm kidding.

1:42:47Brian Redban:You can't make jokes like that, man. All right. Ryan, we're gonna let you out of here I'm not sure whether this is one of the most compelling interviews and moments in the show's history or if it will You're gonna set them loose back in the club? No, it's not going to They go right out the back door for this part And I can tell you there's a lot of security guys looking at me very concerned I'm nonviolent I know, we can tell You seem like you have good intentions but it is a little creepy, Ryan Alright All right, there he goes, Ryan Dordery, everybody. No joke book, no nothing. Lindsay's slamming her hand on the table, she liked him.

1:43:28Brian Redban:I thought he was hot. But I'm a crazy girl. You are a wild girl, Lindsay. All right, you know what? Let's cleanse the stage, let's sage the stage a little bit with the return of a golden ticket winner who hasn't been on this show in a very long time here. ladies and gentlemen could be a story of redemption and who knows anything can happen he's one of the wildest characters in the history of the show you know him he has the record for most all time appearances on one episode of Kill Tony ladies and gentlemen this is the return of Drew Nickens

1:44:17Tony Hinchcliffe:Unlike the last guy, I just had sex for the first time in 18 months. She had a mullet. And I don't think I was her first special needs body. Because she knew how to seduce me. She was like, hell yeah, brother. You look like Mar from Home Alone. And a sexy Napoleon Dynamite. Trying to go back to my hotel room and watch YouTube. And I was fucking jazzed, because I knew exactly what to throw on. Eddie Guerrero versus Rey Mysterio, Halloween Havoc 97. Am I right, ladies? I was a little nervous, because I don't have the lover's touch, because sometimes I bet animals too hard.

1:45:10Tony Hinchcliffe:But we got it cracking, dog. It's so much clapping and screaming during that hotel room session. People thought we were watching a black high school graduation. And I got a TBI. But that night, I gave her a TPI. A traumatic pussy injury because I beat that thing up. Consensually. Thank you.

1:45:38Brian Redban:Hell yeah. Welcome to Sex Offender Kill Tony, everybody. This is a very special night. Inflash consensual, Tony. No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

1:45:47Tony Hinchcliffe:That guy scared me. Fuck! I almost had to break out retard strength.

1:45:59Tony Hinchcliffe:Don't fuck with my homies.

1:46:01Brian Redban:That's right. Kim Congdon is the homie. I gotta tell you, love this set, Drew. And for those of you that might not know, That Eddie Guerrero versus Rey Mysterio match at Halloween Havoc, absolutely fucking amazing. You can show it to anybody, believe it or not. You can actually show that to your girlfriend and watch that, and she will be completely mesmerized. It's a true one of the greatest luchador matches of all time.

1:46:23Tony Hinchcliffe:It is!

1:46:24Brian Redban:For your professional wrestling. Two of the all-time greats, and they're in their absolute prime at that period of their lives. Look at Michael Gonzalez agreeing. Our own little luchador. Viva La Vassa! That's right. Okay, Drew, how's life been going?

1:46:37Tony Hinchcliffe:Life's been great. Tony, I just did my first sold-out headlining set a couple weeks ago.

1:46:43Brian Redban:Nice. How long did you do? How long was that? I did 45 minutes. That's great. Amazing, Drew. Yeah. How many people were in the audience?

1:46:52Tony Hinchcliffe:There was about 120 people.

1:46:54Brian Redban:That's amazing, Drew. Yeah. Were they all there at the end of the 45 minutes? They were. They were having a good time.

1:47:01Tony Hinchcliffe:I give a good show, guys. Don't listen to Reddit. I fucking hate them, Tony.

1:47:08Brian Redban:I don't even know why you go on there, Drew. No, they send shit to me on Instagram. They're real mean. Okay, again, you don't need to, like, read these things. Have you gotten work off of your social media or anything?

1:47:22Tony Hinchcliffe:Okay, so here's why I look at it, because I've had two people come to me, like, with suicidal thoughts in my, like, general, and I've had to calm them down and say, hey, life's okay. Drew, that's not your responsibility, buddy.

1:47:35Matt Rife:I did appreciate it, though.

1:47:37Brian Redban:You're welcome.

1:47:39Matt Rife:Fuck Jerry. Fuck Jerry, dude. It was a dark time in my life.

1:47:42Tony Hinchcliffe:I know.

1:47:46Brian Redban:I think if people are coming to you as a last resort for their suicidal thoughts, Drew, that it might be time to just let them do what they're going to do, you know what I mean?

1:47:56Tony Hinchcliffe:I do ask you if they're Cowboys fans first.

1:48:02Brian Redban:Very funny. Drew, what else is going on in life? Headlining shows, wearing awesome shirts. What else? Yeah, my mom got me this. We know.

1:48:12Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah. I've been just touring the road with a lot of golden ticket winners, trying to get my set better, writing a bunch of stuff, just doing the thing that you're supposed to do when you're a comic. Steadily improving and getting better, because that's what we're here for. I want to do this for the rest of my life, so we're never going to stop. Drew, do you like the show Blippi?

1:48:32Brian Redban:Fuck yeah! Tell us about Blippi. Describe to the people what Blippi's about. I'm so excited.

1:48:38Tony Hinchcliffe:Yeah, I love Blippi, man. So, I don't like the new guy. Fuck that guy. Fuck him. Bring back my Blippi. I love Blippi because it's such an innocent show. They show educational things. The guy's a personality. Like, he wears the same thing every time. He's fucking awesome. And then they brought this new guy, and I was like, what the fuck? It turns me fucking red.

1:49:11Brian Redban:I went on the Blippi Reddit. What is it about the new Blippi that you don't like? He's not the same guy.

1:49:20Tony Hinchcliffe:That's like Joe and Steve.

1:49:22Jeremy (Adam Ray):Hold on, how do you feel about the new Jake from State Farm? And why?

1:49:25Tony Hinchcliffe:He's not black. It's Black History Month. Fuck that.

1:49:30Brian Redban:Fun fact, Drew Nickens is black. I'm not kidding. His father is 100 % black. If you saw a picture of his father, you wouldn't believe it. I swear to God. No way. He's like an albino. I'm pulling it out, dog. Not my snake, but my picture of my dad. He's kind of like an albino black guy. No fucking way. Yeah, I am. Have you done anything black this month to celebrate black history? Hell yeah.

1:49:51Tony Hinchcliffe:I went to Ross five times this week.

1:49:54Matt Rife:Oh, shit.

1:49:55Tony Hinchcliffe:That's how I get my toiletries. I'm not right, brother.

1:49:59Matt Rife:Amazing. Wait, let's see how black you are. Here's a snake.

1:50:03Tony Hinchcliffe:There's a snake on the goddamn plane!

1:50:06Matt Rife:Pretty funny. We'll keep it in. There you go.

1:50:12Brian Redban:Jeremy really belts people with that thing. There's no, like, showbiz, like, toss-up with this guy. Still looking for a picture of his dad. That's how black he is. He can't find a picture of his father. If you needed any more confirmation, let the two minutes that it took for him to find a picture. This guy's Puerto Rican at best. There's no way.

1:50:35Tony Hinchcliffe:No, he's really black. It's just light outside.

1:50:40Jeremy (Adam Ray):It's light outside. This is a good photo, though. I do like this. That's my mom. It's your very light mom? Yeah. Okay. Say it.

1:50:49Tony Hinchcliffe:Hell no!

1:50:51Brian Redban:Yeah, that's what I thought. That's what I thought. Drew, fun times. Thank you so much, y 'all. We love Drew. We love Drew Drew loves me Alright Make some noise for your next bucket poll Ladies and gentlemen It's Greg Bergman everybody Greg Bergman

1:51:15Matt Rife:I don't know about you guys But I am sick to death of pedophilia Are you sick of it? I don't mean sick of adults having sex with children I've never been for that Just the way I was raised But I'm sick of hearing about it You know, in New York, all I heard about was privilege and race, and that got annoying. Then I come to Texas, and all I hear about is vaccines and pedophilia. Vaccines and pedophilia. That's all people talk about, vaccines and pedophilia. If I hear about vaccines and pedophilia one more time, I'm going to take 10 booster shots and fuck a kid.

1:51:46Jeremy (Adam Ray):You know, I'm just... I'm bored of it. It's enough of it. I want to see what all this fuss is about. You know what I mean?

1:51:54Matt Rife:And autism, that's another thing. What a scam. Everyone in Austin says they're autistic. I'm autistic, you know, you wanna be. You wanna be autistic, you wanna be neurodivergent, you think it makes you interesting, okay? You're not autistic if you're too much

1:52:05Jeremy (Adam Ray):of a stupid little creep to look the barista in the eye. Okay, you're a putz. You want autistic, that's what people like? Yeah, I'll tell you autistic or neurodivergent. Last summer, during the flood, I walked around in 100 degree heat and I was afraid to use the bus car but the mental hospital gave me for fear

1:52:23Matt Rife:that the invisible material I thought would explode when I swiped it to the bus and blew everybody up. That, my friends, is neurodivergent. Okay? So if you want a stupid lunatic, here I am.

1:52:33Brian Redban:All right. Great, Bergman. Prepared, memorized his set, went through the words in the order that he prepared it, and meanwhile, I kind of still wish the stalker was on stage. Don't worry about that. Takes a special kind of planned deliverance. Oh, fuck. Greg, has anything changed since the last time you've been on this show?

1:52:55Matt Rife:Well, yes, two things happened. This is both true.

1:52:59Brian Redban:Greg was on very recently as a penis implant.

1:53:02Matt Rife:Yes, when I left here, I got a big joke book, very happy. A couple of Australian guys saw this step. They said, go to the creek. This is true. Go to the creek in the cave. I went to the creek in the cave. I slipped on the ice, fell, lost my joke book, and bruised all my ribs. That's true. At least I think it was ice. It could have been the little greasy Mexican they were dragging away. Wow, okay. No, but it was true. That's a true story. We'll be right back. I thought that's why the guys like. Holy shit, dude. Oh, my God. Dr. Pepper tic-tac? No, that was true, though.

1:53:31Brian Redban:It's destiny. When God takes your big joke book from you. I know. That's how you know it was never meant to be.

1:53:37Matt Rife:Oh, boy.

1:53:39Brian Redban:Greg. Yeah? I mean, it's just been. I just got to. I just. Anything else that you thought about since the last time you were on that would have been good to talk about in the interview portion? But now here we are. Oh, that's good. I did. Yeah. My dog died. That's sad. That happened in the past two weeks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Past two weeks, too. How did your dog die? Kill itself?

1:54:02Matt Rife:Or did Christy Noem shoot it in the face? Yeah. Yeah, well, no, it's a suicide. Yeah, no, she died. Yeah, she died. It was just sad. And my grandmother died three weeks ago, but the dog died two weeks ago. Sorry, dude. I know. Hey, Ben.

1:54:16Brian Redban:I know. It's a party. It's a party. It's a party. God damn it. I had jokes that were good, too. I thought you wanted the... Why didn't you do them?

1:54:25Jeremy (Adam Ray):because I thought the first one was good what the fuck

1:54:28Brian Redban:here's a little joke book Greg I'm going to keep it moving along he said no there he goes Greg Bergman everybody alright one last bucket pool this episode is demented let the record show that I'm aware that this is an insane episode are you guys having fun we have the most insane fans in the world you guys will fucking and you guys are loyal to the soil. One last bucket bowl. Make some noise for Thomas LaMountaine. Thomas LaMountaine.

1:55:09Tony Hinchcliffe:I like having fast sex with old women. Yeah, I said, I like having fast sex with old women. I call it going 90 to 70.

1:55:24Yeah.

1:55:25Tony Hinchcliffe:I love it. Fast sex with old... I love having fast... Call my balls Werther's Originals. The way I like these hip replacement hussies sucking on them. You know what I'm talking about? I like having fast sex with old women, ladies and gentlemen. Am I the only one here? The one with likes having fast sex with a little old, oh my gosh. You know what I hate though? I hate having slow sex with young pussy. I hate having slow sex with young pussy. What am I, running the government? No.

1:56:11Tony Hinchcliffe:And even if I was, if I was running the government, I'd be like, I'm not going to I'd be having fast sex with old women, folks. Thank you. I'm Thomas LaMountain.

1:56:16Brian Redban:Thomas LaMountain. I loved it. I almost forgot what it was like when people came up here and just did jokes. Hell yeah, dude. Welcome, welcome. Hey, thanks. Is this your first time on the show? No, I've been here before. Okay, welcome back. Very funny. Where are you from? I'm from Nebraska. And how long have you been in Austin? I've been in Austin for eight months now. Eight months. Fuck yeah. You've been on the show only once before?

1:56:41Tony Hinchcliffe:Only once before.

1:56:41Brian Redban:What did we find out about you? What was the most compelling? What was my favorite part of that interview, you think?

1:56:46Tony Hinchcliffe:Oh, well, you found out that I used to be a male model, and you made me take my shirt off, and you liked it a lot.

1:56:51Brian Redban:Yeah, I did. Hell yeah, now I remember. Having flashbacks. Yeah. I love it. Hell yeah. So how's Austin been treating you? What's been going on now?

1:57:01Tony Hinchcliffe:It's been pretty good, man. You know, I got a cool job now. I've been doing a lot of spots. It's amazing. I love it here, man. What's the cool job? I now I now I'm a I have the greatest job of being a I'm a fucking bellhop for a hotel dude hell yeah yeah yeah amazing Jeremy the quinta

1:57:21Matt Rife:no awards a rewards member there oh so if that's where you bellhop then that's what's up looking at rewards what kind of reward we can't all fly on fucking private planes man What kind of rewards do you get at the La Quinta Inn? Oh, breakfast before everybody else.

1:57:41Brian Redban:Really? So you have to wake up earlier to get the breakfast? This is a crazy deal.

1:57:48Matt Rife:That almost seems like it would be... I thought this was a safe space. You guys are really hostile towards fun stuff.

1:57:56Brian Redban:Breakfast before everybody else?

1:57:57Matt Rife:Oh, yeah, so I wake up at 4. Breakfast is at 7. Also, I get the first dibs on clean seats. I usually get like, I don't know, like sometimes they have only a certain amount of waters behind the front desk. So I get first dibs on like the coldest waters. They're all room temperature, man. All of them.

1:58:18Brian Redban:La Quinta has only room temperature. That is your mind.

1:58:21Matt Rife:Well, you're clearly not in the rewards program. So you get cold ass water. But so Bellhop, that's cool. You love it?

1:58:32Tony Hinchcliffe:It's a dream come true, truly. It is. It's a dream come true. I've always wanted, my dad was a bellhop, my grandpa was a bellhop. I hope someday my son is a bellhop. Live on the legacy of hopping bells. That's right. You know how it is.

1:58:49Brian Redban:Do you have a girlfriend, Thomas?

1:58:50Tony Hinchcliffe:No, I don't. I just recently got out of a relationship.

1:58:54Brian Redban:Oh, how'd that end? Why'd that end?

1:58:55Tony Hinchcliffe:Uh, I'll start the, well, commitment. Commitment issues. What's up, Matt, right? Give me that.

1:59:03Matt Rife:What's up, dude?

1:59:10Brian Redban:Tell us about that, Thomas.

1:59:12Tony Hinchcliffe:Well, funny ask. It just happened, like, last week, and she was like, can we have a serious talk? And I'm like, for sure. And I got there, and she was like, let's not have it right now. I was like, all right, cool. And so, like, I brought over, like, Legos, you know? Because I was like, let's do some Legos. It's a cool, like, Obi-Wan Kenobi ship. Yeah. Yeah, hell, right? Hell yeah, dog. And so I started doing the Legos, and then she was like, hey, can we talk now? And I was like, yeah, man, we're playing, I'm doing Legos right now, but sure, you know. And so we talked and, you know, it was like, oh, it's probably, you know, not good.

1:59:45Tony Hinchcliffe:We keep coming back to each other. You know, it's probably best. We're not really growing as people, you know. And it was sad. Like, we, you know, we both cry. We both hug each other, you know. And at the end, she was like, oh, well, you know, I was like, well, maybe I should go. And she's like, yeah, you probably, that's probably best if you should go. And then I had to pick up my fucking Legos.

2:00:04Tony Hinchcliffe:And for a second, I was like, should I just give her the Legos? Should I give them, you know? They're like, no, they're my fucking Lego. You know, I'm going to have the Legos, you know? So I had to be like, can you get up? I think you're on a Lego. You know, it was really embarrassing. And then I packed up everything, and I was like, I put on, you know, my backpack, and I was, I said bye to her, and I took a, like, took, like, a look around the room and being like, kind of like, oh, man, this might be, like, the last time I, you know, ever see this room. and then on the windowsill I saw the Obi-Wan Kenobi minifig with the lightsaber, and I'm like, oh, fuck, thank God I didn't forget that.

2:00:34Tony Hinchcliffe:Oh, my God. You know? It's his ship. I had to... It's his ship. Yeah. It would be weird if I didn't have the Obi-Wan Kenobi minifigure with the lightsaber. It's the set. Yeah, you get it. You get it. So, yeah, that happened.

2:00:52Brian Redban:Amazing. That's a great breakup story. You know who'd be a great rebound? Kim Congdon.

2:00:57Jeremy (Adam Ray):It's true. She's super available right now. I can put you on content. You seem super safe. Does she fuck with Legos? I'm sure she does. Almost positive. Call her.

2:01:09Brian Redban:Call her. Call her and see if she fucks with Legos. Did you get a big joke book last time you were on? I did, yes. Perfect. There you go. You already have it. There he goes. Thomas LaMountain, everybody. And now we've arrived at the end of the episode, and we have one regular that's going to close it out. Ladies and gentlemen, this guy is an absolute fucking sensation. Formerly the dark storm of Atlanta, he's now the dark storm of Austin, Texas. Make some fucking noise for the one and only Dedrick Flynn with a brand new minute, everybody. What's up?

2:01:48Jeremy (Adam Ray):Y 'all, motherfuck Frontier Airlines. Nigga, I hate them bagged Nazis. And I don't support Nazis. These niggas, if you never had the unfortunate time to go fly Waffle House Airlines, these niggas got a metal box right there. And they say, this is a bag. No nigga, that's a box. And then they say, you gotta put your bag, it's gotta fit in here. And if it don't, everybody that work at Frontier get to beat your fucking ass. They do. And they only hire niggas from Waffle House so they know how to fight individually and as a unit. And if you didn't get your ass whoop, it's because you paid the$300 ,000 it costs to not have your bag fit in there.

2:02:31Jeremy (Adam Ray):And the only reason they get to charge $300 ,000 motherfucking dollars is they ask you 300 ,000 motherfucking times, do you want to buy a bag? Nigga, you should buy a bag. I wouldn't fuck with us. Buy the bag. Nigga, buy the, I mean, we been waiting for a nigga not to buy a bag. We been waiting. Didn't he, didn't so I bought the bag online and I got the bundle where you can pick your seat. How about these niggas sold me a windowless window? I don't see. Didn't go tell me to take my phone down because I had it duct taped because I'm claustrophobic because I got to look at something, son.

2:03:06Jeremy (Adam Ray):Didn't, didn't, I had a nerve to come back there and talk about the pilot said you can't be selling snacks on the plane. I got to get this money back. I was just selling like little burritos and shit. So I tried to become an entrepreneur, you know what I'm saying? It's Black History Month and they was like, but what about the gambling? because we was shooting dice on the plane. And so I said, hey, man, nigga, you telling me the captain told you to come say that? The same nigga I just sold two Adderall to before we took off. This nigga go get on the intercom and go, shit, y 'all, I ain't gonna...

2:03:43Jeremy (Adam Ray):I ain't gonna hold you, nigga, be mine and I go. That's about time. I love y 'all. Thank y 'all. It's been great.

2:03:52Brian Redban:Deadrick. Flynn with another two minutes. This guy does twice the work that he has to do, without a doubt the best set of the night. Dedrick, you are a fucking freak of nature. How's life treating you? Dude, it's so fucking cool, dawg.

2:04:10Jeremy (Adam Ray):I get, my favorite thing now is like, cause I have other friends that are doing like, my boy Cam was opening up for you. Cam Bertrand. Yeah, that's my best friend. Yeah, we got like five matching tattoos. Like we've been best friends for forever. Hey, but all right. All right. Yeah, five. You had an opportunity to go get a tattoo with him and you didn't go do it. Well, it shows up on me. Yeah.

2:04:32Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, yeah, I'll get a tattoo. Never sees it. Fuck you, handsome-ass nigga. I don't have to. Fuck you. Fuck your new hair, nigga. You look like Kyle from Street Fighter. I fucking love you so much. Yeah, fuck you, man. Fuck, yeah, yeah. How you got gold teeth and a silver chain? Yeah. I was in that net. I was in that net. I just got on, dumbass. You stupid fuck. You look so dumb right now in front of fucking everybody. Everybody knows I got to take it a step at a time. You're such a stupid bitch, dude. I fucking hate you. And I know that shit you said about Atlanta, too, nigga. I've been waiting to run into your ass.

2:05:13Jeremy (Adam Ray):Good. The airport's trash, and then I'll die on that hill. Oh, my God. I'll die on that hill. You are so mean to people, dude. And you, to have a face like that and be mean, that's just so fucked up. Fuck you, dude. Can I ask one question? Fuck you, yo, for the guy's lips. What? That's you. I'm fucking hot. So you get it. Why do you have a slingshot? Oh, because that weird-ass nigga was talking about, I got to protect Kim. So I just... Oh, my God. Yeah, and it's the Louis Vuitton when this redneck nigga made it for me in Huntsville, Alabama. Wow.

2:05:49Matt Rife:How long have you had a slingshot for?

2:05:51Jeremy (Adam Ray):I got several slingshots. Let's go. I got different ones for different, you know, things.

2:05:55Matt Rife:Different occasions.

2:05:56Jeremy (Adam Ray):Yeah, I got like a water balloon slingshot. I got fucking the motorcycle that black people ride called slingshot. I got that shit too. What's that called again? It's called slingshot.

2:06:07Matt Rife:Yeah.

2:06:10Brian Redban:What do you load into that to shoot? Fucking anything. We have some Advil right here. Dr. Pepper Tic Tac. Anybody want to get... All right. Who went to Advil? Yeah, let's... Oh, it's a gel tab. I don't know if that'll work quite well.

2:06:27Matt Rife:This guy in the second row wants it. That'll be dangerous and hilarious.

2:06:30Brian Redban:Make sure you loft it up. You're the guy who for sure doesn't want it. Oh, shit. Wow, that thing's aggressive. Yeah.

2:06:39Jeremy (Adam Ray):Shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up. You're not on the goddamn show. Never in 13 and a half years has a nigga ruined a bitch. I'm sick of you. Get his ass out of here. The guy who looks like he's on 60 Days In? Yeah. Actually, you know what? Say something else. Say something else, bitch. They did ruin one more of my bitch. We all thought it went over there, dumbass. Fuck your glasses. You kind of looks like me. And a ponytail. I hate you.

2:07:08Brian Redban:Have you ever shot anybody with your...

2:07:10Jeremy (Adam Ray):Oh, absolutely. Sometimes I just sit on the roof at Sunset. And then we just, I opened up the window, just hit niggas on 6th Street with shit.

2:07:18Tony Hinchcliffe:Oh, perfect.

2:07:19Jeremy (Adam Ray):Trying to clean up the streets, Tony. There's some bad people out here. You didn't have to say Sunset right there, by the way. That's where I was. Yeah, it's the truth. Everybody looks so fucking stupid. Why would I lie? This is YouTube. They're gonna know.

2:07:36Brian Redban:Dedrick, you are the absolute fucking man. Your set was twice as much as you had to do a brand new, unbelievable two minutes. How about one more time for Nedrick Flynn, everybody? Love y 'all! MattRyfeOfficial.com. Get fucking tickets. He's one of the best in the world. One more time for Matt Ryfe, everybody. Jeremy is representing Adam Ray tonight. AdamRayComedy.com. Jeremy's a big fan of Adam Ray. Adam is on the Who Is Me Tour. He's going to Vegas, North Carolina, South Carolina. He's going everywhere. AdamRayComedy.com for tickets. It's this episode. This is brought to you by Blue Chew, Talkspace, and Shopify.

2:08:18Brian Redban:The drawing from Ryan J. Ebelt is in. It is incredible. It is indeed Jeremy and Matt Reif. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Oh, fuck yeah. That's Matt Reif. That's Megan Rapinoe with a mustache. That is a weird... He got my mustache. Machine Gun Kelly. Shout out to the great Bonsai for making these amazing joke books and so many great leather handmade goods available at killmerch.com which is thriving with a bunch of great merchandise out there right now Red Band Check out the secret show every Thursday at the Sunset Strip ATX.com Thank you Alright people, we did it, we love you Thank you, good night, God bless this audience God bless the United States of America Thank you everybody Bye guys

2:09:36Thank you.

2:10:08Weird

2:10:39Thank you.