#759 - STEVE RENNAZZISI + JOE LIST

20:29Brian Redban:Nobody's got a life story. I try to get the best out of the interviews with people. Sometimes when someone comes out here, I can just tell it's going to be a good interview. And here we go. You may have just answered a lot of people's questions on how to save a marriage. It's getting a divorce. Yeah, it works because you end up, you know, figuring some things out about each other and realizing no one else wants you. How deep into your marriage? That's fantastic. How deep into your marriage did you get the divorce? We were about 11 years in. I love it. 11 years in. So did you get the divorce and you guys just started banging whatever you wanted, basically?

21:12Brian Redban:Is that the deal? No, I think the trouble was we couldn't bang anything we wanted. What do you mean? We couldn't find anybody else. Oh, I love that. That's amazing. So what was it like when you guys rekindled? You already had kids? Yeah, we had our kids. And I would go over there to put them down, see them all for the night, and try and visit with them, spend time with them. Then I invited them over for Thanksgiving. and then we just started back up. I love it. That's amazing. Wow. Steve, what do you think about this? Dude, so you had a halftime in your marriage, right? That was like you went back, you studied game film.

21:54You're like, I can't fuck anything else. I wonder if she's having sex. And what was the convo like when you guys circled? It seemed like you just circled the parking lot and you just were like, hey, these are the best spots we can get. Let's just go back together. Heather, what was that conversation like? Like, when you were like, are you happy? Are you, how did you feel? We were both like, well, we both lost some weight, so. That's awesome. That's great. Oh, my God. I don't have, I'm just enamored. I want you to be my dad. You're like, you're such a cool customer. You've done six mics? I feel like you have no nerves whatsoever.

22:33Yeah. I've got a few. Oh, okay. Well, you're very, are you on drugs? No. Oh. Lysinopril.

22:39Brian Redban:I'm sure blood pressure medicine or something, right? I'm on blood pressure medicine. Good job. Dr. Ranazizi. Hey, man, I see rosacea. I know my own. I got it. I'm on blood thinners. I almost died on Super Bowl Sunday. This past Super Bowl Sunday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. That halftime show pissed me off. I know. I was serious. I take the blame for that, by the way. I don't think I've acknowledged that on this show. It's your fault. That is my fault. That's the pendulum swinging the other way, Tony. No doubt about it. That's karma. Everyone's making out for your mistake. What's that? Everybody's making out for your mistake.

23:13Brian Redban:Yes, exactly. That guy dancing on telephone poles and whatnot.

23:19Brian Redban:Amazing. Tell us about your near-death experience. I have a, it's called a bilateral blood clots in my lungs. I have a bi heart as well. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Bilateral pulmonary embolism. Nice, so what did that feel like? It felt like a heart attack, I couldn't breathe. My heart rate went up to like 147, and yeah, it was pretty rough. 47's bad, right? Yeah, it's pretty bad. Well, for you it's probably. That's your resting heart rate. Jesus Christ, Redman. So you, was this during the actual Super Bowl? It was before. Okay, so you went to the hospital? Yeah, yeah, I went to the urgent care, and they said, yeah, I think this EKG looks like shit.

24:06You better go to the emergency room.

24:08Brian Redban:I love it. I love it. Mark, what else about your life? Tell us more about you. Any hobbies or any fun facts about you? You know, I just do a lot of family stuff. I like old cars and working on those. I don't have any at the moment, but, you know, I think there was some girl selling a Mustang around here somewhere. I think I remember that. I love it. So six open mics. What was the improvisational experience that you have? So I went through classes at Second City in ImprovOlympic and then did a bunch of stuff around there. Is that in L.A.? In Chicago, right? Yeah. Wow, is that where you live? No, I live in Kansas City now, but I used to live in Chicago.

24:48Brian Redban:You ever see The Bean? Yeah. You know about The Bean? I know about The Bean. I still don't believe it's real. What made you move to Kansas City? I moved there for work. Okay. Okay, very cool. And hell yeah. So what do you do when you're on the road? Talk about your, you have a lot of travel experience. Any travel tips for people? I developed a special power. Ooh. Yeah, I can, with my eyes closed, tell you what hotel I'm in just by the lotion. Ooh. Can you describe this to us? I think the Marriott adds some kind of synthetic in there. Yes. For sure. Would you be willing to jerk off in front of all of us right now?

25:38Brian Redban:We're all going to see our dad's dick tonight. I love it, Mark. Kids turned out good? Yeah, yeah. I got one in KU, one in K-State. Females? Yes. Oh, my God. That's a hard female there, Red Band. Female? Asian Red Band. Mark, you're the man. Come back again. Sign up sometime. You're our first big joke book of the night. Mark Fitman. How fun. Gonna keep it moving along here. As we go to our next bucket poll, everybody. He goes by the name of Saul Wilson. We're gonna meet Saul together. One more time for Saul Wilson, everybody. How's it going? You know, the modern world is different. You know, brownie points used to mean one thing, but now it means a higher chance of anal.

26:37And if you remember, there was a pilot shortage. I'm not sure if it's still going on, but begs the question, did anyone ask the band 21 Pilots for help? Like, I know their sound. It's not that complex. I bet they could have spared like 16 or like 17 pilots.

26:55I find it strange that we name storms after people. Is that all ex-girlfriends of ex-boyfriends? Just like a meteorologist looking forward to a hurricane? It's like, yeah, you like my brother more, Katrina? Let's see if there's a hurricane coming.

27:16But then I realized we even name... And then I realized we even named diseases after people, like leukemia, named after some black lady somewhere.

27:32Brian Redban:All right. Saul Wilson. Welcome back, Saul. How are you? I remember you. How's life been going, Saul? Otto Sable. What? Same old, I guess. Same old. Okay. Tell us about that. What do you do for work, Saul? Just anything with my car these days. I get to make money. Your car? You drive? Yeah. You Uber, you Uber Eats, that type of stuff? Yeah, all of the above. Nice. Anything crazy happen in the backseat of your car lately? No, no. How about the front seat, Saul? How about in the driver's seat? Rock and roll. That's a lot of road rage. All right. You have road rage? Yeah, but I bet some people would have recognized me as the guy that flipped him off in traffic.

28:26Oh, you're a big flipper-offer, huh? Is that your move? I feel like that's why I'm here. It's delusional.

28:35Brian Redban:All right, so. I never see those people. I'm driving way faster than when I'm passing them, right? Okay, Red Band. Wow, boy. I just can't tell which one's Saul and which one's Red Banner. Nothing coming from anywhere. I love it. Brownie points, 21 pilots. I barely got anything that you talked about tonight, Saul. What's your writing process like? I don't know. Norm MacDonald's my biggest inspiration, so just kind of his cadence. Wow. All right. Yeah. Can I do a bit on Norm? You what? What? Like, can I do a bit on Norm Macdonald? Can you do a bit of Norm Macdonald? Yeah, about him. About him? I'd be happy to hear a real joke, right?

29:25Brian Redban:Yes, exactly. Anything funny. Do anything. Well, you know, they say you're not supposed to say bad things about people that have died, but, you know, Norm Macdonald's my biggest inspiration, and I'm probably not as funny as him, but, you know, at least I could drive myself. Saul. Shit, man. Holy shit, dude. Saul, how long have you been doing stand-up? Not long enough. Yeah. Name a number or something. Describe better than that how long you've been doing stand-up. As far as writing, yeah, like two years. Okay. How many open mics do you think you go to a week? Yeah, not enough. Okay, Saul. You're gone.

30:10Brian Redban:Get out of here. Goodbye, Saul. Thank you so much. There he goes. Like I was saying when Mark Fitmum was up here, sometimes you get someone a little younger, doesn't quite get the interview process of the show, doesn't have a wealth of life experience to draw from. Answers every question with not enough. Great energy, though. Unbelievable. He's got that zip you were looking for earlier. Back to the bucket we go. You guys having fun out there? All right. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Ty Marion, everybody. Here comes Ty Marion. Oh, here we go. Time area.

30:50Since my accident, my dating life has sucked. The last summer before it happened, man, I was fucking killing it. Like, I was dating one girl who told me she wanted me to talk more during sex. So I did. And then she got mad and broke up with me. And I was like, I kind of think this is your fault. Because when you told me you wanted me to talk more during sex, you should have specified that it was to you and not on the phone. But you called my dad. I'm like, yeah, because we're like, cool, you know? And I feel like you should have known that, especially since your dad and I graduated together.

31:31Another girl I dated, she played super hard to get. And when we finally hooked up, it was at a church. She just laid there and kept staring at me real weird. so I had to put coins over her eyes. Luckily, though, she was Asian, so I only had to use pennies. But if you can't tell, I'm a Jew, so when I finish, I had to take him back. Thank you.

31:54Brian Redban:Wow. All right. Ty Marion, welcome. You've been on this show multiple times before. Joe, Liz, what do you think about Ty? I think he looks like Rock Turner in disguise. Yeah, true. We may have a false bucket pull here. I thought it was good. It was funny. Ty, you've been on this show before. This is your first time with a walker. Yeah, so literally last time I was on this show, I talked about how I got hit by a car while I was on a lime scooter, and I was like, I was fine. And I told you I was going to limp it off. Two days later, I was on a scooter again. This time, no car, just the street, fucking head first straight into the ground.

32:35Really? Yeah, I broke my arm in a couple spots, tore my patella tendon completely off it's been six months and i got six more months to go and you landed head first no somehow i guess uh which you know i got a big head somehow the way i i hit something and it locked the wheel and turned it so i didn't get like thrown off i was basically catapulted straight into the ground like this sideways this arm was completely backwards and the knee was like all up can we see the video no i uh unfortunately didn't have any of the actual incident i got a shit ton from that shitty ass hospital though you got a what a shit ton of videos from the shitty hospital that i went to why do you have video from the hospital it was so bad i i it's the worst experience you can think of i get put in not even a room i get in a hall big ass sign that says keep this area clear at all time and i'm like i gotta this isn't supposed to be me i think you know like there's something wrong like i mean i didn't really talk about this at all in your stand-up comedy yeah um i've been back on the road lately um since the incident took about three or four months that was not supposed to be a pun you don't laugh um but i've been back

33:46Brian Redban:on the road telling us about the hospital visit so where were there doctors visiting you in the hallway that they put you in okay so uh pull the curtain back a little bit my best friend is one of your producers and was there within five ten minutes of this happening okay he had to help the I mean it starts from the EMS motherfucking lazy people he had to help pick me up off the fucking ground because these two EMS people there had no idea how to pick up a 6 '2 200 pound guy off the ground with one fucking leg and one arm and so they finally get me on the thing the thing after they figured out how to raise it up and then I get into the ambulance and then they call me and they're at the hospital wondering where I'm at and I'm still in the fucking back of the ambulance sitting at the where i got fucked up and i'm like where are y 'all at they're like we're here are you here yet and i'm like no i'm in the same spot in the ems i'm like you're at the hospital like yeah traffic's real bad i'm like how long has it been like 45 minutes like holy fuck because i mean they started juicing me right away right um i mean it was obvious like i was fucked up at the moment right and then i get to the hospital besides putting me in the hall i never got to leave because i had emergency surgery because i almost lost my leg but i mean i make a lot of like sarcastic jokes about it but they're very close to about what was real like i almost didn't get an iv bag it was like a capri sun basically you know like my my insurance is so bad no gown joe's crab shack bib nuts all out you know this is amazing for some reason that fucking hospital coldest hospital i've ever been in you know what i mean i'm trying to You got shrinkage?

35:23Yeah. Yeah, it sucks. In a hospital gown, that sucks. And I don't know about you guys, but I got a Scrubs fetish, so when I see these Latinas walking around fucking caked up, I'm like, oh. Oh, yeah. The problem is I got one arm, you know, so I'm kind of like, what's up, what's up? No sympathy pussy. All my boys, since this, you're going to get so much sympathy pussy. Six months, two questions. When? When the fuck does that start? What do I got to do? Is there a form? Am I doing something wrong? because i'm ready ready fell on my knee not my weenie you know what i mean like what's up yeah what hospital was it here in austin seaton i don't know this one up here on 38th or something 39th

36:05Brian Redban:oh you work there is that my nurse was there a seat in animal hospital yeah we we are getting word that you were taken to an animal hospital your insurance is so bad they took you to the vet I believe they thought you were some kind of orangutan or something like that makes sense then, yeah but no, a crazy thing that happened and this is true, I do talk about it too I honestly felt like I was going to be molested at the hospital because I had the nurse that was going to take me to the operating room was a little 5 foot, 300 pound Hispanic dude his name was Juan on his thing but he crossed it off and he wrote Poppy Chulo so first i was like oh this might be like a pimp kind of thing no that's for sure his grinder profile name this fucker kept trying to give me sponge baths and i'm like dude i'm not that dirty right and then they're like oh he's he's gonna give you the anesthesia i'm like oh for sure i don't want this guy giving me anesthesia i'm fucking yeah trying to fight it and stay awake i'm like i think i can walk it off boys i think i'm gonna be fine no and then and then like i I swear, it's probably the anesthesia.

37:14I felt like he leaned over right before I passed out, and he was like, the safe word is deductible. I was like, what? No, no. Wow. It's fucking horrible. Did you get declawed? What? You get declawed? Redman, how are you not on the list? I used a fake name. No, I figured they would have at least tricked you one time with the pizza and grape soda line, and you'd have been the only person.

37:40Brian Redban:Yeah. You'd be the only one to come back from Epstein's Island and complain about false advertising. Ty is on fire. They didn't have any pizza rolls, hot pockets, bagel bites, nothing. Ty Marion, how long were you in that hospital for? About 24 hours. 24 hours? What's that in dog years? Yeah. I noticed the first time you were on the show, you got robbed and you murdered somebody or something like that. The second time, you were in an accident. the third time you were in an accident, does it seem like your life, you're not doing great at it? Are you literally just saying the N-word we're walking down the street and shitting on people or something?

38:23Brian Redban:Why is so much negative energy coming to you? You asked the question. You got to get it out. There you go. You got it out. Took him a little while longer. It took a while. Your memory's wrong. The first time I was on, I was really fat and I ended up singing songs. The second time I was on, I was a little too stoned off and edible. Third time, I talked about killing the guy. This is the fourth time. I don't like talking about that. That was the last time on. I don't like that set. But you would have gotten into a scooter accident then. Two days later after that, this happened. Right. Yeah, and everybody's like, oh, didn't like your set that much?

38:56You just tried to... I'm like, no, it was fine, you know? I feel like I'm maybe taking that extra step trying to get closer to, you know, golden tickets or whatever, you know? But we'll see what people do.

39:07Brian Redban:That's how it goes. Um, not handicapped enough for a golden ticket, my friend. Well, actually, now that you bring that up, the last time I was on, I mentioned that I was autistic, but according to Dr. Hinchcliffe, I guess I'm not retarded enough. It's okay. No, you're doing good. Yeah, I mean, I literally, I do have, like, a literal diagnosis of it. Didn't happen until my 30s, so when you go 30-plus years of, like, going, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? And then you find out everybody's thinking the same thing about you. Things a little weird. I love it. Ty, do you have, are you in love with somebody?

39:41Brian Redban:Do you have a girlfriend? No. You go on any dates? Yeah, I date a little bit here and there, but I mean, obviously since the last six months, I guess if you didn't hear it, it's not going so well. Right. Your fuck leg's broken, right? What? Your fuck leg, the one you really get the thrust with? It's the one that you do, like, you know, you get that, like, you get that rhythm going, you know? It's tough. A little knee slapper every once in a while. Yep. I don't want to give away too much.

40:09Brian Redban:Bones Eye, who makes all the great joke books here, made one that's covered in hair. And since you're always in a very hairy situation, I figure who better than you, Ty Marion? There you go, my friend. Thank you, both. A fun interview. Ty Marion crushing it in the interview portion, talking about his real life. Take note that when people talk about their real life, it works. It's amazing, right? All right. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Angel, everybody. One word name, Angel.

40:51Hi there, folks. My name's Angel. People on the street approach me and they call me autistic. I don't think it's very nice. 90 % of the people I meet think I'm autistic. The other 10 % just don't talk to me. I'm very scared to be here tonight but I'm very proud to be Latino how many of you here in the audience is Latin it's fucking Texas let me hear it arriba yeah gracias I grew up for the longest time not knowing dogs got bigger than puppies I thought all dogs naturally died of parvo I just didn't know

41:28I grew up with the Latino stepdad and he was great until you know occasionally we just dropped the N-bomb at walmart like out of nowhere like what's going on my aunt you can't be saying that in this walmart specifically where'd you learn that word dad he goes at work well you shouldn't be using it unless we're at home depot when we got people behind our back we got the wet backs helping us out in case of a race riot right oh god um i'm bad at dating guys thank god let's get this over with angel jesus

41:59Brian Redban:Christ, man. Have you ever done this before? I get really anxious when I'm on stage. Oh, this is a great job for you, then. I thought of it as a way to sort of get me out of my comfort zone, do the hardest thing possible first, and then come back and do something easier, like welding or something. I think welding might be your calling. Thank you, Tony. Okay. How long have you been attempting stand-up comedy, Angel? This is my third and a half year doing stand-up comedy. Third and a half year. Let's talk about your work ethic. Yes, sir. When you say three and a half years, how hard are you working?

42:35So it wasn't until the second and third year I didn't get to do more than three mics. Or I wasn't able to do more. Before that, I wasn't able to do more than three mics a week. Second year, 2023, 2024, 2025, I was able to really kick into high gear here at Austin. Creek in the Cave really opened up their arms to me at their midnight mics, and I just kind of was able to go like five, ten times a week. I did eight mics in one night on Wednesday. fucking bomb fucking baller eight times yeah that's my record Tony it might it

43:02Brian Redban:might not be much what do you do for work Angel sir I used to be a traveling temp but recently I settled down two weeks ago to be a like a technician where I assemble like those emergency lights for police vehicles how did you learn how to do that well they just need Mexicans with good hands to build lights with LEDs I'm like a strong 60 % of the workforce where I work is like Latinos. You 100 % Mexican? No, sir. I'm Chicano, which means I'm half Mexican, half American. My dad's American. My mom's Mexican as fuck. How many siblings do you have? Get ready for this. I got nine, counting last year.

43:38Brian Redban:Wow. Yep. You're Mexican. Where do you fall in the nine? I am the second oldest of the nine. I have eight sisters, one older... Sorry.

43:54Keep going.

43:55Brian Redban:Keep going. I have eight sisters, and as of last year, I have one brother, finally. It took only nine siblings until I got a brother. And can I just say that growing up with eight sisters in all the houses was awful because I can never blame a cum sock on anybody. I can now with a one-year-old or a half-year-old. Wait, what does that mean? If there was a cum sock in the hamper, they couldn't blame anyone but me because I'm the only male of the nine siblings. But you just said half-year-old. What does that mean? Oh, my youngest brother. He was just born last year. He's not even a year old. Oh, wow.

44:29But I can blame it on him in a couple years, I guess. How old are you, Angel? I'm 26-er.

44:33Brian Redban:Your mom is still making babies? No, my dad is. Oh, okay. My mom stopped four years ago. Nice. Her jersey is hanging in the rafters at a Chi-Chi's in somewhere. But your dad found a new baby mama, huh? He's had the same one for like the last 10 years, and she's just ragged and broken down. Wow. How many kids does she have? One, two, three, four, five, six. I think six kids. Six. Wow. Okay, I think six. Wow. So your dad's just banging out there. He won't fucking stop, Tony. My goodness. Okay, Angel. What are your hobbies? Oh, I like to boulder. What? I like to boulder. Climb. I like to rock climb.

45:21Okay. Yes, yes, yes. I like to journal at coffee shops and peep at the fine ladies at the cafe.

45:28Brian Redban:Oh, I bet they love that. I bet they love you just sitting there staring at them. Well, typically I'm there at 2 a.m., so they love it. At the coffee shop? Yeah, there's a 24-hour coffee shop, Bennu, shout out. Okay. Fucking love it there. Just be there at 2 in the morning checking out the babes. Wow. The babes that come in for coffee at 2 a.m.? It's mostly dudes. Okay. All right. Guys, what do we think about Angel, gentlemen? I don't know what to think, but I do think a woman can have a cum sock. Because the cum comes out, and then you wipe it. I'm just saying, like, if you get cummed in... Yeah, he said, one of my sisters is a whore, and she's got all the cum inside of her, and that's where the sock came from.

46:12Yeah. I get that. Yeah. You could have blamed it on your sister. Yeah. I tried so hard. every year for the first 16 years before I got kicked out. Did any of your sister's friends want to fuck you? No, they were all younger than me. Oh, God. There's eight of them. Yeah, but I'm the oldest, the second oldest. The oldest was like a, you know, one of those illegitimate babies from another baby mama. And so, like, I didn't get to get raised with her. I didn't meet her till Easter when I was, like, seven.

46:40Brian Redban:You didn't meet her till Easter? When I was seven, yes. Wow. Wow. Yeah. My family's different. Yeah, a little different. I met everyone. All my family members pretty much early on. I got them all. Yeah, I have a sister. I met her day one. Yep, first day. Came out, there she was. Yep. Known her ever since. All together, the first Easter. The first one we ever had. Angel, other than having all these siblings, what do you think is the most Latino thing about you? The most Latino thing about me is my work ethic, actually. Oh, shit. Good answer, dude. Well, here's the thing. Like, I'm privileged. I'm a born citizen of the United States, but a lot of Latinos who don't come to this country with that privilege have to work their asses off to barely make minimum wage, to break even.

47:29They're pretty much working for nothing. That's me. I'm a starving artist. Up until recently, I haven't had a full-time job. I've been sort of bumming it for the last four years, doing temp jobs at festivals, factories, bodegas, such and such. You don't strike me as starving or an artist. Yeah.

47:48Sorry. I'm kidding, of course. I don't...

47:55Brian Redban:Angel, what do you think the whitest thing about you is? You claim to be half white. Let's hear the whitest thing about Angel. When I spell words like labor, I spell it L-A-B-O-U-R, the British way. Whoa, okay. Now, even though you're not black at all, I'm going to go for it. What do you think the blackest thing about you is, Angel? I love fat white women. Wow, look at that. Brutal honesty. That tracks. When you say you love, yeah, go ahead. But have I ever smitten a white fat woman before? No. You've never. I think you mean smothered. I don't want to get smothered. You've never been with a big white woman?

48:40No, can I be honest to the entire world right now?

48:43Brian Redban:Yes, you can. I've actually never been with a woman before. Wait, what? Yeah, never. You're a virgin? I'm a woman virgin, yes. Are you a man virgin? No, I'm not a man virgin. Tell us about this. Was it an accident? It happened too many times for it to be an accident, guys. Let's talk about it, Angel. I didn't know it was pansexual until I was in college, but at that point, pansexual means you like all the genders, but the only genders that liked me were the fellas, And so you make do with what you got, right, fellas? You make do with what you got. No, you make do with what you got. Let's talk about this, Angel.

49:23Brian Redban:Yes, sir. So. You make goo with what you got.

49:32Brian Redban:Got into it. We're into it now with Angel. So when did you realize you were pansexual? And what's, explain to me the difference, because. Is that deep dish? What is that? Yeah. What does that mean? I don't know what that means. Yeah, I'm pretty sure red pants pansexual. You're pretty pansexual. I've seen you in a Chicago pizza place. Frying pansexual. So what's the difference between pansexual and bisexual? Well, bisexual is just your traditional woman or men, nothing in between. Pansexual is despite the gender or the genitalia you love them for the personality and who they are. So whether they're male, female, trans male, trans female, non-binary, asexual, such and such.

50:15Brian Redban:Have you been with trans people before? I have been with transgender people, yes. But everything that you've been with was born originally with a penis? Yes, considered AMAB, assigned male at birth. Wow, I can't believe someone that knows this many genders signed up for this show. This is amazing. Just goes to show that anyone can sign up. The door is wide open here. We give anybody an opportunity. I just learned what a pansexual was today, everybody. All right. So, how many different dudes do you think you've been with? Give us a ballpark here. Do I have to answer that? I'm really ashamed of that answer.

50:51Brian Redban:Okay, give us a ballpark. That's exactly what we won. Solid 40. 40? Wow. All right. Turns out he's gay, everybody. That's not a pansexual at all. You're gay, dude. That's not a... You're a gay man, and that's all right. I want women, though. I want to meet a woman so fucking bad. What the fuck are you going to... You're just going to buttfuck a woman? I know. You're just going to throw a backwards hat on her and hit it from behind? What the fuck are you talking about, Angel? Tony, I really, I really do. I really want the love of a nice woman, to be honest with you guys. What makes you want a woman?

51:28Brian Redban:You've been with over 40 men. What do you think it is that you're missing out on? Leave them all alone. Other than a... Thank you, Red Band. Thank you so much. Oh, you're going to get fucked, dude. He said he's into fat white dudes, basically. Deep-ish fuck, dude. Deep-ish fuck. Oh, yeah. He's going to pepperoni your pizza, dude. Oh, my. Look at this guy. He's getting in his comfort zone. Look how happy he is. All right. So, what do you think it is that a woman has that you want? Tender. Love. You should say pussy, dude. End of vagina. Hey! Start thing, dude. Wait your turn. By the way, saying tender first is the gayest thing you've admitted on the show.

52:12Brian Redban:You want to suck dick? Dude, that's cool. Suck dick. I don't want to suck dick for the rest of my life. I want to suck vagina. I just want a partner. On Angel's top ten gayest moments of this interview, somehow I hooked up with 40 dudes is the second gayest thing you've said. Tender. But I gotta say, you haven't lived until you sucked vagina. I want to suck vagina so bad. You get that heavy clit in your mouth and you're like, this is gonna work. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. When you said you were ashamed, I thought of the number, I thought it was gonna be higher or lower. Yeah, 400, I thought I was gonna.

52:54Yeah, 40 is like, that's okay. I've only been having sex since I was 21. I thought you fucked Harvey Milk. Who's Harvey Milk? All right, that's old. I'm not that old. I'm 26. So you've been fucking for five years, 40 guys. So that's eight guys a year, right? On average, yeah. But, I mean, statistically, you know, they're about... Statistically, that's almost one a month. Well, there are bouts of, like, more than one a month. There is a solid, like, month where I don't even remember the number. Oh, my God. Wow. What is that, blackout month for you? Is that what... I was selling cars at a dealership, and I was just so stressed out.

53:27I just had to do something to get the stress out. Was that your closing deal? You're like, buy this car and I'll suck your cock? Yeah.

53:33Brian Redban:Kia? That's great. So, are you on the gay dating apps? Yes. That's a yes. Let me ask you this. You need transgender women, though. Okay. That's your favorite kind? Not favorite kind. I just... Oh, gee. Go pee again. Go back. Go pee again, Dee. Oh, God. Just wait back there, Dee. You don't want to know. D-Magnus is going to quit the fucking show if he comes back here right now. He's going to have a whole new bass player next week. Oh, my God. He's had enough, dude. Enough of your nonsense. You've had 40 dudes, and he was like, I've got to take a piss. I've got to get the fuck out of here. So, Angel, you've been with over 40 dudes.

54:26Brian Redban:You've been with zero women, but you want to be with a woman If you were to go on a date with a woman, tell us, what's the first thing you would... Where would you take her? Where would you go? Well, first thing is I want to, you know, disarm the situation. I want to take her somewhere public where she knows I'm not a threat. It's like... Perfect. Like a coffee shop. Oh, my God. Coffee shop. The king of the coffee shop. And then, and then... Come on in. Come on in, D. We're talking about him trying to hook up with women. You're going to love this. You're going to love this, D. Put your earphones in, D.

55:00Brian Redban:Put them in. We're going to play some straight music for you while we interview Angel. Okay, so you're going to take her to a coffee shop. Coffee shop. Uh-huh. And then ideally we go bouldering, which is rock climbing, Tony. Uh-huh. And then we end the evening before sunset. We put up the hammock on either Lady Bird Lake or at Barden Springs, and we hang out on the hammock together until the sun sets. You do that sometimes? You hang a hammock? Wow, you're so good. Oh, I slept in a hammock for like a solid summer. Wow. That's not the most bent your back's ever been. No, I loved it. I know you do.

55:35Until they like ripped open in the middle and I just like fucking hit the ground in my ass.

55:39Brian Redban:Oh, yeah. There it is. And all the cum squirts out everywhere. Landed on a dick. That's funny. Wow. Okay, Angel. This interview is going on way too long. But I have one more unbelievable area to cover here. So let's say you get this lady back to your place, right? You've never been with a woman before. What's your first move that you make on her? If she's like, let's just say she was like, Angel, I want you to do whatever you want to do with me. I'm just going to let you take over. What do you do? The first 15 minutes. Sucker cock. Yeah. You just go there. You're just air sucking. Yeah, look for that cock that's not there.

56:22Brian Redban:just air sucking a cock. All right, no, go ahead, Angel. This is something I believe in. The first 15 minutes is just dedicated to the tongue, and that's it. I'm going to put my tongue all over the person's body from top to bottom. Whoa, all right. So much for all that make her not think you're creepy thing. Kisses on the neck, down to the chest. Okay. Kisses down further to the navel. They have pussies, dude. You got to get down there. I'm getting there. It's just 15 minutes. 15 fucking minutes? Angel? I'm serious. Nobody wants to tongue kiss you for 15 minutes, dude. No, I'm tongue kissing them.

56:58Brian Redban:Again, it doesn't matter who's kissing who. Wait a second. Are you a nurse at the hospital on 38th Street? Are you Poppy Chulo? We found Poppy Chulo, everybody. We found him. Hold on. Don't you grab that fucking mic stand until I tell you to, you son of a bitch. The only person that wants me to kick you off the stage right now is D Madness. So here we go. We're getting to the gold now. So you get down to the vagina. Hold the mic down to your hip and face that front. Face the audience. Face them. Stop looking at me like that. Now show us. Now show us how you would eat a vagina. His first time doing this, ladies and gentlemen.

57:43Brian Redban:Just pretend like it's there in front of you. Pretend like you're... Pretend like she's in the... No, you don't need to use the mic. That's a dick, dude. That's a dick. That's what you're used to. You gotta holster that! Holster that dick! He's still trying to put a dick shaped thing. He wants it in his mouth! Up to his face. Put that away! Let's say she's in the hammock hanging in your bedroom at that exact height. Her pussy is right in front of your face. Show us exactly what you would do. Wait, what? Oh my God! He's gonna give it raspberries! Whoa! He's so Latino, he's giving it raspberries.

58:21Brian Redban:Oh, man. I didn't mean to spit on you, dude. I'm sorry. He accidentally spit on the very tough-looking guy in the front row. You've got AIDS now. You've got AIDS. Very good. Just mouth AIDS, dude. Just mouth AIDS. That's okay. It's just the spit of 40 dudes cum, dude. It's not that big of a deal. Don't be a homophobe. There's no pussy juice in that. I'll tell you that right now. You're clear of that. What was the action that you... Why would you blow on it like that? I was just being kind of, like, facetious with you because I didn't want to, like, be genuine and then make fun of me for that. Or they make fun of me for doing something stupid.

58:58But if I really was going to go down on a woman, I would really just use a lot of my lip and my tongue.

59:03Brian Redban:Show us. Kino, hit the spotlight again. Whoa. Whoa. Wait, no, no, no. Face the crowd. Again, you're... There you go. Wait, what are you doing? I'm getting ready. Oh, okay, okay. He's getting ready. I'm getting ready to eat some fucking pussies I don't eat the lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue the tip of the tongue, the teeth, the lips

59:29Brian Redban:2, 1 pussy eating time, whoa wait, after 15 minutes of sensual kissing you're just going fucking turbo? she's gonna love it dude do you know why I can do that? I got the strength in my tongue because I was a musician for 10 years, I was a tuba player You were a what? A tuba player How many tubas do you suck?

59:53Brian Redban:Oh my god The horn players are thinking about retiring now They're like god damn it Why did it have to be a fucking tuba? I'm going to be associated with this fucking loser Okay

1:00:08Brian Redban:So you ate her pussy Then what are you going to do? Then what? Make love to her Yeah. Go to the bathroom and throw up?

1:00:21It's about the genuine connection, guys. You have to talk to the person you're with. So I'd ask her if she wasn't already, like, you know, hot and bothered. I would say, what do you want me to do? But if not, I'm just going to go full insertion. Oh, my God, dude. Wow. Wow. She'll be bothered. Yeah, yeah. You should get T-shirts that says full insertion. You can sell a million of them.

1:00:45Brian Redban:Let me ask you this. Does your father, who's made what appears to be about 15 children, does he have any idea that you've been with 40 men or hook up with dudes at all? Not at all. Wow. Come on out, Dad! Padre! You have a fat kibla elf in the back? Wow. Wow. Angel. Incredible. Have you ever kissed a woman? No. Oh, wow. Well, you know what? Only here on Kill Tony do we have a fan base of some of the greatest females that have ever existed. We have a historical 13, almost 14-year reputation of a segment called Kiss Me, where a young lady from the audience, or an old lady, or if no one else wants to, a gay dude in the crowd, can come up and give this man his first kiss from a female.

1:01:46Brian Redban:Is there a lady out there? We have the best fans in the world. Is there a woman out there willing to give this very gay man his first kiss from a woman? Is there any black men? No. Not a single woman wants to kiss a gay guy. This is my dilemma. This is my dilemma. Is there somebody? She's kind of raising her hand, but it's okay. You want to? Come on up here, sweetheart. I don't think her boyfriend wants her to do it. They seem to be arguing about it. Wow, here she comes, everybody. A historical moment in the show's history as a gay man is about to kiss his first female of his life. A lot of people are holding back vomit right now.

1:02:35Brian Redban:The look in this crowd's face. I hope she's got a big dick. I hope she's got a big old fucking... This is Kill Tony, where magical moments happen. Angel has been with nothing but men, and men that are pretending to be a woman. Whoa. Wow. Look at the excitement in her face, everybody. She volunteered for this. This is Angel's first female kiss. Do you believe in miracles? Oh, Angel. Angel's about to throw up. Wow. There you go. Unbelievable. Wow. There she goes. Back to obscurity she goes. Well, he's wearing basketball shorts, so we could see what kind of... I know, he's gonna get hard. We're gonna see it.

1:03:28Brian Redban:He got softer. He did. Angel, you just kissed a woman for the first time. How do you feel? Are you now positive that you're gay? I am not gay. Wow. I am not gay. It's not gay, everybody. Welcome to my world, Angel. You'll be denying it forever. I'll tell you what. The set, I don't even fucking remember talking about puppies and Parvo and your stepdad, but the interview was unbelievable. There's a big joke, but go shove it up your ass. Shove it up your ass, Angel. This is Hilt-O-N-I. Oh, there's Heidi. Woo! Sheesh.

1:04:16Brian Redban:All right. And obviously, anything can happen here. Make some noise for your next comedian doing an uninterrupted 60 seconds. He's waited 24 minutes for this moment.

1:04:30Brian Redban:He's just been waiting. Nervous as fuck behind that curtain, no matter what. Make some noise for Luke Aaron, everybody. Here comes Luke.

1:04:44How are we doing tonight? All right. I'm from Wisconsin, and most people don't know much about Wisconsin other than that we have cheese. And believe it or not, I did work at a cheese factory. I was one of the guys that made sure all the Swiss cheese had holes in it. No, just kidding. I wish that was my job. My job was actually making sure those guys stayed hard. Thank you. Speaking of hard, being an adult is hard. Like, as a kid, everything felt like an adventure, and now everything just kind of feels like a responsibility. Like, I get stressed out even just leaving my house. I'm like, am I on time?

1:05:28Did I turn off the oven? Did I pay rent? Phone, wallet, keys, micropenis? All right, I'm good to go. No, but I'm just kidding. It's actually not that small. The last time I had sex, she said that it was perfect size. At least I think that's what she would have said, but I don't speak squirrel. All right. Thank you. That's all I got.

1:05:48Brian Redban:An adorable set from Luke Aaron. Thank you. Out there fucking squirrels, keeping the cheese fuckers hard. How you doing, Luke? I'm doing good. How old are you? I'm 26. 26. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've been doing stand-up now for like six or seven months. Six or seven months. Nice. Where at? I've been doing... I like kick-butt coffee. That was like the first place I ever did it. Okay, here in Austin. Here in Austin. Okay, kick-butt coffee. Is that open until 2 a.m.? Uh, no.

1:06:18Brian Redban:Well, looks like you're not getting your cock sucked at a coffee shop. We'll see. Yeah. Behind it. Anything. You never know. Luke, what do you do for a living? I work at a spa in a hotel and resort. Okay. Yeah. What do you do at the spa? I serve people food by the pool and then pick up their towels and stuff. Nice. How long have you been on that for? I've been doing that since moving here, so I think probably about six months. Okay, six months. What were you doing before that? Before that, I was in South Carolina after graduating college. I've been on before. We were talking about this. I was selling windows, and I worked at a restaurant.

1:06:57Brian Redban:Okay. Mm-hmm. All right. All right. Anything change since the last time you were on the show? Well, not a ton. So after, I was talking about my girlfriend the last time, and we have been on and off, but we are still together. Okay. Yeah. Very good. Yeah. I did it. When you say on and off, why? Why are you on and off? Hmm. We just have, I don't know, I'm bad at relationships. We just have a lot of, like, disagreements and stuff, but we've been working through it. Like, about what? Can you give us an example of a recent disagreement that you have? Just anything will do. Anything will do. People will be able to relate to it.

1:07:40I mean, God. I'm like, I don't know, I'm kind of hard to deal with. I like to, I want her to do, like, exactly what I want her to do all the time. So I'm kind of controlling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm working on it. Can you give us an example of exactly what you mean by that? I mean, her, if she's just, like, on her phone scrolling or... You say, hey, get off your phone. Yeah, well, no, I just build resentment inside until... Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my style. Yeah, that's my style. A lot of insecure dudes agree with you. I don't know. You're in a real relationship. Yeah, yeah, enough little things build up until it just boils over and then you say something stupid.

1:08:29Okay. Anything else crazy about your life we should know about? I wrote a poem. Recently? I wrote a poem pretty recently, probably a few months ago.

1:08:44Brian Redban:You want to say the poem? I brought it. Oh, wow. Oh, my goodness. All right, all right. Oh, and then I also thought of a roast. Tony, has anyone ever told you that you look like Tony Robbins' penis? Yes. All right, Red Band, Red Band. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Juanita's penis? 2003. Ah, damn. All right, all right, here we go. Maybe the poem's better than your roast. All right, here we go, here we go. All right, my poem is entitled, Sleepless Nights. All right, here we go. Penis. Cock. Willie and Dong. wiener peter johnson and schlong must i keep going and prolong has there been a man who's done no wrong has there been a man who's done no wrong you're a loser you piece of shit you will never become a surgeon you will certainly die a virgin the voices of my bullies rang true Whatever am I going to do Whatever am I going to do I will not die a virgin, I said Within my own head I must take matters into my own hands I would never tell I would never tell a soul my plans If no one at school was going to fuck me I should get a job Maybe one of them will suck me How long is this fucking poem?

1:10:23Brian Redban:All right, all right, all right Double-sided. Double-sided. It is double-sided. It is double-sided. Like if Dr. Seuss was a doctor at Tymerian's Hospital. Who knows what's going to happen? Does he lose his virginity? Here we go. Here we go. This is the juiced-up part of the poem. Vagina, pussy, beaver, and ham. Ham? Yeah, sure. Ham? I had to rhyme it. Okay. All right. Hey, work with me. Work with me. All right. I love to suck ham. Hey, don't make me start this over. All right, I'm about to. All right, all right. Beaver and ham. Vajayjay, clitoris, coochie, and clam. There it is. I got a job, and the first week went great.

1:11:10I laid low. They trusted me. They took the bait. They asked me, hey, would you be able to work late? I knew having sex was in my fate. I need you to stay late to feed the animals at night Of course, I said, it would be a delight Yes, it's true The job I got is at a zoo Once everyone... Oh, Jesus fucking Christ I gotta get you out of here

1:11:36Brian Redban:Is it like getting anywhere? It's going somewhere This is not a fucking poem, dude This is a fucking story that rhymes Why did you write this? Why? It was... I was trying to make people laugh Yeah, you hear that?

1:11:54All right, finish it. All right, yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah. The poem is better than the stand-up. It is. It is better than the stand-up. All right, all right. Once everyone finally left the park, I felt like Noah in his ark. I was hard as a rock and ready to come. I knew it was my time to get some. I knew I would lose my virginity soon. Come on. I knew I would lose my virginity soon. It didn't take long till I was fucking a baboon. I went to the penguins and got some head. I didn't care that one of them was dead. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. I waited till they were sleeping, then gave them a cream pie.

1:12:39The flamingos and ducks in their flock got ravaged by my throbbing cock. I stretched out an ostrich. I got coitus from a tortoise. I got dirty with the birdies. I got funky with the monkeys. All the animals in sight, they didn't put up much of a fight. I wanted to take on more, bigger and better. I wanted the sexiest animal of them all. I thought it would satisfy. But now I sit on my bed and cry. Oh, did I think I was smart, but I will never be able to forget that hippo's fart. How much fucking longer is it? That's it, that's it. Jesus Christ. I love it. Okay. I take it back. I love it. There's a part two.

1:13:23Great. Next time. Next time. Next time.

1:13:26Brian Redban:Here you go. Thank you. Here's the smallest joke book I could find. Oh. Right on Joe's cock. What happened? I'm hit. I got hit in the tent. Yeah, man. He deflected it to Joe's cock. All right. There he goes. Luke Aaron, everybody. We'll kick it out to you later on, dude. Yeah. I don't know where it is. Stuff your ass. Luke Aaron. Good job, Luke. Poems Too Long.

1:13:52Brian Redban:Can you imagine him doing that for like five more minutes? Yeah, it was crazy. All right. But the crowd loved it. Go to Barnes & Noble. You guys were wrong. You know that, right? All right, your next bucket pool goes by the name of Casey Connor, everybody. Make some noise for Casey Connor.

1:14:22How's it going, Austin? It has become problematic for me to take showers alone again recently. And that is because I listen to hip-hop in the shower. And I do not censor myself when Wu-Tang comes on. Thank you. but recently Kanye was on my speaker I was washing my armpits and I just I kind of just felt a little strange when I was listening to Kanye so I had to skip the song I'm sure you guys know which song it was but after I skipped that song Puff Daddy and the Family came on and it was fitting to get loose and I don't know if you guys know this but the first like 20 to 30 seconds of that song is Puff Daddy just breathing heavy like

1:15:18and I'm washing my asshole and Fitna Get Loose is on and I just prayed that I was the only one in there but I realized it's very easy to become racist and gay by listening to hip-hop

1:15:36Brian Redban:Jesus Christ Casey Connor Welcome, welcome Casey, have you been on this show before? I have not How long have you been on stand-up? Seven years Miami, Florida Miami Tell us about your life Army veteran I just moved to Austin about three weeks ago I came here to do this to get better and perform and like Austin is the city to improve. Hell yeah. Have you been doing a lot of the mics and whatnot? I have not. I just got hired as a manager at a place. It's a non-alcoholic bar called Tulum Botanicals. A non-alcoholic bar? Yeah. So is there business there? Yeah, surprisingly. It's all plant-based. It's kava, kratom, Texas is, yeah.

1:16:31Brian Redban:Kratom. Somebody knows it. Wow. Okay, so people are kind of getting like doped up, but not on alcohol. Right, right, right. Did they tip well there? Not that I've seen. I've only worked two days so far. Right. Okay, what branch did you serve in the Army? I was a paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Nice. So you, did you jump out of a lot of planes? I had about 25, 26 jumps before I got kicked out. Wow. That's about half as many dudes as angels hooked up with. Why did they kick you out? Cocaine. Wow. I'm from Florida. Right. Exactly. Do you still do cocaine? Absolutely.

1:17:20Brian Redban:Yeah. Not tonight. How often do you think you do cocaine? A couple times a month. All right. What usually sets it off? What makes you, do you wake up kind of itching for it, or is it when things are rough, or when you're having a great day? Purely recreational, just for fun. If I want to go out on the weekend, I'm like, eh, we're going out, let's get a bag. Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? Say again? Have you gotten a bag since coming to Austin, Texas? I got a bump from a guy at the 456 bar who has a picture with you. 456 bar. 456. It's a yeah, East Austin cool little like Irish pub.

1:18:02Yeah, it's got a bunch of dead animals on the inside.

1:18:04Brian Redban:Yep. Yep Well, every bar has dead animals. Oh, they all do here. Yeah, you're not in Miami. It's a lot like The Florida Keys where I grew up nice Okay Casey craziest thing about your life That's ever happened to you. Uh, I don't know if it's crazy anymore and everybody always says it, but my parents are dead Ooh, how did your parents die? My mom is a Miami girl, and she died from drinking and drug use and just... Awesome. How about Dad? Dad survived Vietnam being in the cocaine cowboys, drug use, drinking, and had a stroke. Aw. Mom wins this battle. Yeah, she does. Mom died sooner. I love it. All right, Casey.

1:18:55Brian Redban:Well, yes, keep writing and performing and get around. Do it. Get out there. Casey Connor. We're going to keep it moving with our final bucket pool of the night, everybody. We are coming around the corner. This looks like a brand new name. Let's see what happens here. Put your hands together for Simply Courtney, everybody. It's Simply Courtney.

1:19:20Oh, man. Y 'all know how hard it is to drive Uber when you're a big black dude named Courtney?

1:19:28People don't believe it's my car. I had a lady once go, are you sure this is your car? You know, you hear a joke and you think she's playing, but she's like... And because I'm a comic, I'm all like, nah, we stole this motherfucker together. Let's go!

1:19:46Happy Black History Month, by the way. Yeah. All right, so anyways, I'm recently taking a tolerance break from weed. I don't hate weed. I just don't like the things that I do when I'm on it. Like, I'll go to my son's basketball game and cheer for the wrong team.

1:20:09I also do stupid things, like forget I'm driving Uber.

1:20:16Have a passenger in the backseat just terrified. I'm like, I'm about to have a roommate.

1:20:24I think that's about it, y 'all. Thank you.

1:20:27Brian Redban:A fantastic set from Simply Courtney. Welcome, welcome. This is your first time on the show? Yes, sir. I love it. Where are you from? I'm from Austin. I'm from Austin, Texas. Let me make a little more noise. I love it. Amazing. One of the locals in the building, baby. I love it. How long you been doing stand-up? 13 years, dog. 13 years, and we're just meeting you now for the first time. Incredible. We've been here for half a decade. Why are we just meeting you now, Courtney? Hey, you know, I sign up every once in a while. On Mondays, I normally hang out with my daughter. I'm teaching her to drive right now.

1:20:59And so that's what I'm normally doing Monday nights. And so I'm skipping hanging out with my daughter and teach her to drive to hang out with y 'all tonight.

1:21:06Brian Redban:Wow. A black man not hanging out with his children. God damn it. Incredible. Really? Happy Black History Month. Oh, you jerk. girl. How old are your kids? My daughter's 17 and my son, you're right for this, 15 years old, 6 '4". He's taller than me. Whoa. Okay. It's your daughter's birthday? Oh my God. Hey, no, hold on. I'm scared on why I don't want to answer that. Yeah, don't answer. She's September 19th. I'm proud of her. I'm not telling you the year, though. She's illegal. God damn it. Watch out. Damn right. Absolutely. What do you do for work, Courtney? Just drive Uber? Straight up comedy, no.

1:21:44I suck at Uber.

1:21:46Brian Redban:Nice. I'm better at telling jokes than I am at doing Uber. So I make all of my money from comedy and comedy adventures. So run an open mic, run a few shows around town, and then I perform. Perfect. You know what I'm saying? Hell yeah. What do you do for fun when you're not doing comedy or raising your kids? What do I do for fun? I read and then I also... Oh, listen to music right now. That's my big thing. So I'm... Why are y 'all laughing at that? That ain't funny. No, it's funny. If you want to laugh. But no, I listen to music. I'm discovering a lot of oldies right now. I do a little thing at the radio station, 88.7.

1:22:19I know I'm not supposed to shout out everything, but that's why I do Wednesdays. That's what you people do. And so I'm one of the...

1:22:23Brian Redban:What is it? I said that's what you people do. You give shout outs. It's true. That's why they're laughing.

1:22:32Shout out to my mom. No, I'm joking. I had to... You can set it up. But no, I'm listening to new music right now. So I'm going back. I'm listening to Stevie Wonder. Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album and then I'm also listening to Stevie Wonder and Michael Jackson's Off the Wall album and oh Prince Purple not the Purple Rain album though but it's another one so there's another album I'm going through all of these new ones right now

1:22:55Brian Redban:oh you noticed that noise I'm light skinned Tony so I noticed it okay that's right I'm tall and I'm light skinned black so I actually do change the smoke to take that second beat okay you're tall enough to where you could just do it you could just reach up that part that part I love it are you still with the baby mama of your 17? No, we're divorced. We're divorced. Okay. But we are friendly enough that I'm actually staying there tonight. Oh, nice. Yeah, I take the kids to school on Tuesdays, Thursday mornings. And so sometimes, instead of me having to come in early in the morning, I just come in after I do comedy or whatever I'm doing late night.

1:23:26Awesome. Yeah, so we are amicable.

1:23:28Brian Redban:Hell yeah. You're what? Amicable. We're amicable. Yeah, I mean, we're nice. We're civil. Is that the wrong word? Yeah, it's the wrong word. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. Time out, time out. What word should I have said then? Give me it. Amicable. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm just pronouncing the word. It's okay. Wait, time out. Did you know what I meant, though? Yeah, we got it. Okay, then we good then. I'm cool. I'm cool then. People be like, oh, what is that? I was like, do you know what I meant, though? Okay. You know there's not a girl in the car. I didn't steal the car, right? Got you. It was a joke.

1:23:59Yep. Little context. We good. I'm messing with you, white man. You good. Thank you. I am terrified. Hey, I just looked at his watch hard as shit right now by accident. I'm not trying to steal your watch, but it is nice, though. Oh, thank you. You need an Uber driver later? No, I'm all right. I'm all right. I'll walk home. Thank you. Okay. He's staying in San Antonio when he's walking because he's terrified. Oh, you're staying in San Antonio? Sure. Wherever you think I'm staying is where I'm staying. I can give you a ride, you know, when you're trying to go. I'm going to San Marcos. I'm already halfway there.

1:24:29I've done that, too, though, by the way. You talked about rooting for the wrong team for your kids' basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get high, too, and I go, that's a nice play by the other team. and people get upset with me. But fuck that, you know? Listen, I'm one of those, if somebody does good, I like the sport. That's what I do, too. And I'll be like, good play, and we'll be down by 40 and shit. I'll be like, good play. Everybody all looking at me like, why would you say that? I'm like, what the fuck did I say? Oh, my bad. Down by 40? Yeah. Jesus. It happens. My son's a freshman on varsity, and they're figuring it out.

1:25:00He was like one of two freshmen on varsity, and they got their butts handed to him. But guess what? We're going to be better next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. So we chill. All right. Love him. I'm cheering. I'm a black dad that's cheering. I'm cheering, goddammit. We losing. If we lose about 40, I'm still cheering. So we good. To the other team. I'm cheering for everybody at this point. Yeah.

1:25:18Brian Redban:Other team, my team. You have a 17-year-old daughter. Has she brought any dates back? Has she introduced you to any young boyfriends? She's dating currently. She just had a date for Valentine's Day. It just happened. So he's chill. He's a cool dude. Black kid? Black. Black. Blacker than me. Black is almost as black as his dad's friend. How does that make you feel when she brings home someone blacker than you? What is he trying to do? Honest. What is he trying to do? Honest dancer. Honest dancer. I hate that this shit's getting recorded, too. I'm like, I can't even lie. Just a little. I don't feel in any type of way because her mom is currently dating a guy that's the same color.

1:25:51So I feel like they're dating a dude that's the same hue. I meant to say hue, not color. Now you're in my head now. It's amicable, okay, damn it? I tried. Amicable, all right? Okay, decent. I said, oh.

1:26:08But no, I don't feel any type of way about it, though. I don't feel any type of way. I think it's dope. The fact that she has somebody that loves her just as much as I love her is dope as fuck for me, so I'm good. Amazing. Listen to this.

1:26:18Brian Redban:Gorgeous. Very impressive set. Parenting, dude. Very impressive interview. You're getting the blackest joke book that I have here today. Take that! There you go. Let's go. There goes Simply Courtney making his Kill Tony debut after 13 years of doing comedy in Austin. He just made it to the biggest show in the city, in the industry. Well, ladies and gentlemen, here we are. And we have made it. Unfortunately, William Montgomery's dog broke its arm and had an$8 ,000 surgery today. Ari Matty is stuck in Estonia tonight. however ladies and gentlemen we have one other regular that is just unbelievable writes a brand new minute every single week out of everyone you saw tonight you have not seen someone that writes a minute every week and meanwhile he is so impressive make some noise for the one and only dark storm of austin texas this is dedrick flynn everybody

1:27:30Oh, man. I hate when you talk to somebody and they say they got siblings and you only find out it's only one or two of them niggas. That's not siblings. This is what's wrong with the country. We need big family energy back in the goddamn states. There's a certain thing you get when you get... Like, I grew up in a townhouse. We only grew up in a two-bedroom townhouse. We all slept on one king-size mattress. All six of us. Nigga, wasn't no boogeyman, nigga. They just... We'll jump that nigga. You know what I'm saying? We'll jump. I wish a nigga would come haunt my sister dreams, nigga. We'll jump that nigga.

1:28:12It's a different kind of attitude you get. Because I grew up in the 90s with the big-booty TVs. I survived the big-booty TV remote wars of the 90s. When we used to, when you get punched in the face by a nigga that look just like you, because he want to watch Spongebob, you know what I'm saying? Like, and you didn't hit the remote. Or if you better like me, if you real petty, I'll take the batteries out that motherfucker. You know what I'm talking about? The big booty TVs. You remember the big, the big booty TV, the ones that doubled up as furniture. You can put pictures of your family on top of it and have plants grow down the side.

1:28:53You know what I'm talking about, sir? The big booty TVs. the ones you can slap them on the ass to get them to work right like a good woman you know what I'm talking about the big booty TVs that's my time I'm gone yeah

1:29:07Brian Redban:Dedrick Flynn with a minute 36 seconds more work than anybody else tonight he does it every single week amazing stuff Dedrick I love the do-rag he must be celebrating Black History Month yeah well I escaped Boston to come here because they got a blizzard that's coming through there and the scientists were saying that this only happens every once in a while and the reason why it was happening is because it's Thor Storm Austin came through that motherfucker. That's what it is.

1:29:45Brian Redban:Because of you? Yeah, I do that. What was it, a blizzard from Dairy Queen? Yes. because of the diabetes and whatnot i don't have diabetes tony i just like gold that's right that's right i love the do-rag it is incredible thank you absolutely amazing you look like you and your own auntie you call them annies where i'm from it's annie aunties is that white people shit from the midwest where you from you like you don't care about an auntie but nigga An auntie, an auntie gonna be there for you. An auntie gonna bail you out of jail and not tell your mama. You know what I'm saying? An auntie gonna call your mama and go bail her out with you.

1:30:27You need an auntie on your side. Hard knock life.

1:30:30Brian Redban:Yeah. In Boston. Shut the fuck up, Ray. I'm so mad at you. Well, I'm glad you didn't antifreeze in Boston. Come on. I love the patriotic underjacket that you wear. Yeah, Olympics! I went to Boston. I was sitting with them little cold rednecks. So I got into hockey because them niggas in Boston, their football is hockey. So the American team, women's and men's, won gold in hockey. Shout out to them. USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA, USA. Motherfucker! I was feeling it. You too. Doing good, man. I'm not mad at you. Thank you. I'm not mad at you. This is like spy versus spy. The black and the white.

1:31:29You do look like a sleeper agent.

1:31:32Brian Redban:Thank you. Dedrick, how's life going? Fucking so goddamn good, man. I'm so fucking tired. I'm traveling all... I get to meet all these cool people. I'm really living my dream. I think that's what's beautiful. I just bought Big Buck Hunter from my house. Ooh-wee. Yeah. Yeah. Who want to see me? Who knows?

1:32:02That's awesome. Thank you so much. Two guns or one gun? Two guns. Two guns, dude. It's a whole arcade center right there. What a dream. Yeah, it's$500 on coals. I'm sorry, I missed it. What did you buy? Buck Hunter, dude.

1:32:16Brian Redban:Oh, Buck Hunter. Yeah, yeah. The big arcade game. Yeah. When you're shooting the animals on Big Buck Hunter, do you hold the gun sideways? Well, yes, Tony. This is Black History Month. It is. But it does actually, like, because I was watching John Wick, that nigga turn his gun to the side, and then he's like, okay, black energy, and then that nigga come in there and kill everybody, so I just kind of hold it like that. I watch John Wick, then I go play Big Buck Hunter on mushrooms. Shit. I love it. It is your month, so, I mean, you will do whatever you want. I'm about to be on your ass, bro. You look so swirly-able.

1:32:58And how dare you? What did you say? Swirly-able. That's racist, sir. Swirly-able. You can get that nigga to swirly perfectly, like, just alone. Swirly-able? You know what I'm saying? It's an adjective, dumbass.

1:33:07Brian Redban:No, no, that's not a word. I don't think this is very amicable. Yeah, amicable. I'm not being amicable right now. Amicable. I loved the jokes tonight, Dedrick. Big family energy. Six kids and a king size. Is that true? Yeah. Whoa. On the floor. Wow. Yeah. Honestly, we didn't know we was poor, because everybody else around us was poor. Yeah. And then when we got to middle school and our parents wanted to put us in better schools, Like, that's when I realized I was poor, and that's when I started being bad. Because I was... I don't like when a nigga doing better than me. I hate... That's why I hate niggas with two siblings.

1:33:49Like, you... Because the big booty TV... The reason why it's important is that there's no rewind on a big booty TV. Like, when you watch that episode... If you miss something, like, if you miss, like, Raw growing up, and you got on the bus, and you didn't know what happened versus Stone Cold, you couldn't get no pussy.

1:34:06Brian Redban:You are correct I had a big booty TB growing up A lot of people don't know this But I was raised extremely poor Recently I was sent a picture From an old school friend Of my house Which still stands On Florence Dale Avenue In Youngstown, Ohio It is one of the only remaining houses In the ghetto of Youngstown You were there? Yeah, when I went to Youngstown The Uber driver was so excited Are you serious? I'm dead ass here. And they took me all around Youngstown, nigga. That was the first time I felt like I was in the mafia. Yeah. Because one, they were nice to me. And I know they're not nice in Youngstown, Ohio.

1:34:48I know it's too cold to have a good personality.

1:34:52Brian Redban:Yeah. And I showed someone a picture of my house that didn't know exactly. Not everybody knows the background of Youngstown or whatnot. and it's the only house still standing anywhere near it. So I showed someone the picture and they're like, wow, look at all the land that you had. But what they don't realize is that there's a graveyard of driveways that just go to nothing because every house was arsoned out or burnt down. What the fuck was my point? Oh, I had a big booty TV growing up as well. Yeah, big ass TV. And our house would get robbed about once a year, once every two years and they would have to take a bunch of dumb shit, like an Atari station.

1:35:32Brian Redban:One time they took a VCR, just a straight-up VCR, which would be worth, I guess, negative money nowadays. It was$250 back in the day, and if I do the math, they took everything from you. That's what they did. They just came out to talk. Did they take the tapes, too? What was you watching on the V? Well, it's actually funny you mention that. My first grade play, I was a star. Do you know about this? Why are you laughing? My first grade Christmas play was in the VCR when they stole it. And I was all head. I had the same size head that I have now when I was in first grade. The kids used to call me Big Head.

1:36:14Brian Redban:Big Mouth. It was Big Head, but anyway. And it's very depressing that they stole that because it's some of the funniest video footage. I was a star in the play when they're like, you're going to be a star and I'm like, wow, this is amazing. I'm going to be a star in the play, but it turns out I was an actual star. I was like a decoration. It was a glittery star with a piece of yarn. Would you have it, Dedrick? Was it you that stole it? Alright. It was just a Christmas. It was like a manger whatever the Christmas play. Christmas. The story of Christmas. That was your big moment? It's the biggest I ever got.

1:36:50Brian Redban:I never found any success after that. But my point is, it's interesting because those TVs back then were basically unstealable. They were like 700 pounds or something insane. I don't think they were unstealable. I took a lot of them, Tony. I think you was just a weak-ass kid. You shouldn't lift it with your head. If you just put that shit on like an African nigga, go on to the market. Balance it. You had a dolly. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I got two ACLs. I got a twitch fiber muscle in my calf. That'll help me pick up a TV and get it up out of there real fast. I think we're talking about two different types of TVs.

1:37:27Brian Redban:I'm talking about the big booty TV. I'm strong as fuck. I was raised in the 80s, not the 90s. I think there was a little upgrade between me and you. Yeah, you had to change the TV with the pliers and shit. In fact, no, we didn't have a remote. Yeah, we had a dial. What? We had to walk up to the dial. Wait, are you on the same name? No, no, your mom just lost a remote. No, there was a dial. I remember it. You remember when TVs had fucking dials and the remotes were like... Yeah, you turned it like this. Oh, okay. The channel. Yeah, remotes were like a brand new unbelievable technology like you press the button on the sides It was like a big deal.

1:38:02Oh man. I'm glad I grew up young This shit had a laser on it. Yeah, I know yeah Not you Tony. I'm so sorry for disrespecting you I've seen you my whole life nigga What the fuck? I used to watch you on the Big Booty TV.

1:38:23Brian Redban:Dedrick, you are the fucking man. Everybody loves you. The world loves you. Go see him live. He's on the Killers of Kill Tony tour. This episode was brought to you by PrizePixQuo, Shopify, and ZipRecruiter. How loud can this place get for the great Steve Ranazizi? He's on tour. Check him out. Doing some dates. SteveRanazizi.com. How about one more time for the great Joe List, everybody? He's on tour. comedian joelist.com. Small Ball is on youtube.com backslash joelist. The drawing from Ryan J. E-belt is in and that is indeed the great Steve Rand is easy and joelist. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight.

1:38:57Brian Redban:Joe List! Oh my goodness. He drew joelist. How about one more time for the best damn band in all the land. Red Band? I'll be in San Diego in June at the American Comedy Co. dot com. Kill Tony is going to the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles, California. in May. If you're anywhere near LA or in the mood to make a trip to the old relic that used to be one of the best cities in the world, why not visit it and see Kiltony at the same time? Go to the ocean where it's now filled with little black beads from melted Teslas that exploded in the Pacific Palisades. A little fun fact for you. It turned into black tiny balls that now line the lower Pacific Ocean of the United States of America.

1:39:46Brian Redban:How about one more time for the Kill Tony Band? You can follow them on YouTube and Instagram. Follow Heidi. HeidiRegina.com. Love on the line. And, yeah. That's about it. I'm going to the Kennedy. I'm going to do stand-up at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. Going some other dates. TonyHinchCliff.com. Some other big announcements right around the corner. Live audience, we love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody.

1:40:15Thank you.

1:40:48Bye.

1:41:23Thank you.