#760 - TIM BUTTERLY + STEVE-O

17:54It's good. I'm not looking at porn. I'm not doing anything bad. I'm just messing with the walnuts. Okay. Seriously. Steve-O? I'm trying to figure out if you healthier is even more unhinged. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. But I like it. I like it. Don't change. Thank you. What do you do with your mind when your hands are occupied with the nuts? Thinking about stuff. I mean, again, I was thinking about Red Bates' mom fucking losing weight. When he used to drink and say all this crazy shit, it made sense because we were like, oh, that crazy drunk guy on all the drugs.

18:27Brian Redban:When he's sober, it's just fucking weird, right? It really is. He's healthier than ever and he's just, he's up for the challenge. He's up for the task, up for the challenge Tony. William, everybody loves you. We love you. How about one more time for William Montgomery? He got the show started tonight. We're off and running. And on to the bucket we go. This is where the magic happens. This is where every single person that's ever been on this show comes from. It's very exciting. We're gonna meet your first bucket pool at once. Goes by the name of Chase Alexander, everybody. Your first bucket pool of the night is Chase.

19:07Brothership, how we doing? I'm not doing good, guys. People say fucked up shit to me all the time, man. Someone said I look divorced. I'm 30, all right? Another person said I look like Will Smith is my favorite rapper. And then someone else said I look like a substitute that just got out of prison. I'm like, all right, that's three insults. There's two people in this group chat. This is why I never ask my parents for shit anyways, you know? Like, I'm going on a date. I'm trying to send the selfie. How do I look in this shirt? This is what they fucking say to me. But I go on the date, and I'm getting fatter.

19:41I'm trying to articulate that in my profiles, right? So, like, every photo, I get, like, a little bit fatter. And, like, the current one is, like, what I am now. But I go on this date. The chick's looking at the phone, looking at me. And she's like, you look like a Russian doll that ate all the other versions of yourself. And I'm like, are you in that fucking group chat with my parents? Because, like, that is just too fucking good. But I am seeing a chick right now, believe it or not. and I feel like I really get the best of both worlds with her because she's got a master's degree and a DUI. Guys, I've been Chase Alexander.

20:11That's my time. Thank you so much.

20:14Brian Redban:Chase Alexander. Welcome, welcome. Thank you. Have you been on this show before? I have not, no. Okay, welcome. How long have you been on stand-up? Three years. Where at? San Diego. That's where you live now? Yeah. Okay, what do you do for work? I got a boring tech job and then I work at a comedy club at night and do hosting and just... What comedy club? American Comedy Company. Nice. Yeah. Red Band's going to be there in the month. July. Hell yeah. July. 9 through 11th. Ooh. I'll keep all the homeless out. I'm the door guy, so. There you go. Some of those San Diego homeless people. It's hard.

20:47Brian Redban:They're everywhere. You guys know. Austin knows. Yeah. Hell yeah. Okay. So you're with a girl that has a master's degree and a DUI. Is that true? I misunderstood. It's a nursing degree. I thought she said she was a doctor. so yeah that's not true no but your girlfriend has a degree uh no she's i'm not dating her either she's uh oh not real everybody no no no i tried to make it last but uh you know i really did want someone with a degree how long you that's a requirement for you yeah i mean clearly look at me i'm i'm degree worthy you know how tall are you uh five eight and a half I would take a diploma, a high school diploma if I was...

21:33Hey, I'm trying to shoot for the stars, you know? So, are you dating anyone at all? Uh, no, I'm not dating anyone right now. Okay. I'm living with my grandma, so it's hard to get pussy when you live with your grandma, yeah. Where was that in your minute? I have a little more about her. You know, she's Jewish and just doesn't shut up about it, so that's pretty annoying sometimes, but... I haven't gotten to it yet. Are you Jewish? Not technically because she's my dad's mom, and it's like the mom's side, I guess.

22:04Brian Redban:Yeah. Yeah. What is living with your grandma actually like? Do you see her first thing in the morning when you wake up? Yeah. Does she make you breakfast? No. I just try to avoid her as much as I can because she gives me anxiety. I work at home, so I'm trapped with her. Exactly. What does she do that gives you anxiety? Tell us the worst parts of living with your grandma. Why don't you go out and get some pussy While you're in the house all the time That's a part of it I guess just like constant panic attacks That like I have to deal with And then she's like maybe I should die And I'm like alright like I can't deal with this shit I'm not qualified so It's a little stressful you know How long have you lived with your grandma?

22:48Like six months Yeah it's pretty new

22:51Brian Redban:What made you move in with her? Grandpa died Ooh, how did grandpa die? He just got cancer. I think she honestly killed him because he did not want treatment. He was like, I'm good to die, let me go. What kind of cancer did he have? Pancreatic.

23:11Brian Redban:Works every time. Get that motherfucking pancreatic party started. Yeah. Yeah. Now, when somebody has a job in tech, you don't imagine they're living with their grandma. What do you do in tech? I work with cities to help modernize their transit stuff. You're degree worthy, man. Thank you. Thank you. Have you ever been with a girl that has a degree? I mean, probably not, but I'm not. You know, I just started looking for the degree women. So, you know, I'm hopeful. Have you ever been with a girl? I have. I have. Thank you, thank you. One or two. Is Will Smith your favorite rapper? No, but people say I look like someone who would be like that, you know?

23:58Right. Yeah, yeah. I like you. Thank you, thank you. I like you too, Steve-o, thank you.

24:04Brian Redban:Have you ever tried to take a girl back to your grandma's house? No, but I think I could because my grandma's room is far away. It's got her own bathroom and I could close the doors. and the doctor has upped her nighttime Lyrica. Ooh, Lyrica? Yes. What is that, a stay-at-home black nurse? Yeah.

24:28Brian Redban:Lyrica Jenkins, University, Alabama. Linebacker. I wish. I need Lyrica in my life. That's right. Bad news, Lyrica. There's not a Lyrica in the world that has a degree, buddy. Where are you, Lyrica? They don't even have degree the deodorant. Oh, come on. What are you talking about? What exactly is he implying there? D Madness is laughing. D's is laughing. We're good.

25:07Brian Redban:All right. Chase Alexander, before I get you out of here, tell us what is the most interesting thing about your entire life's history? What's something crazy that you've been part of? maybe an award that you won, maybe a special skill or talent that you have that you excel at, something like that. There must be something in which, out of your entire life, there we go. What is it? People really think my earlobes are soft. Really? Yeah. Come over here. Let me see this thing. Oh, no, you fell into Tony's trap. No, those are normal earlobes. Oh, no, you fell into his trap. People have been lying to me.

25:41Everyone told me they're soft. That was kind of my thing. and I guess I don't have a thing now, you know? Has anyone besides Grandma told you this? Red Man has softer earlobes than you did. Well, he's probably got a lot of lotion on him. He's a moisturized man, you know?

25:57Brian Redban:Rumors are about me. That's crazy. Amazing. Well, Chase, since the most interesting thing about you is your very normal earlobes, is there anything else? You don't have any hobbies or anything like that? There's nothing that you're passionate about in life? You just do your tech job, fucking wait for grandma to fall asleep, and then jerk off and do it again the next day? I do mics and then I jerk off. Got it. Yeah, that's the order. But I mean, yeah, no, I don't got, I don't know, I'm fucking, yeah, I've got shit. I just work. Did I almost ever catch you or anything? Uh, she doesn't really see more than like 10 feet out, so I'm pretty good if I just...

26:34So sometimes you just do it in the same room, just across. I could get away with like a real dim light. I could do dirty. Wow Imagine this all from the grandmother's perspective By the way Your husband died You're waiting for the end yourself And your fucking incel grandson Fucking brutal dude

27:01You guys don't know any guns do you? Uh maybe No don't do that

27:08Brian Redban:No killing yourself At least not until six months after this episode airs so that we don't get blamed for it. Perfect, perfect. Now, Chase, fun times. You've been doing it three years. You're out there hustling in San Diego. Sign up again next time. Keep up the good work. And here's a medium-sized joke book for you, Chase. There goes Chase Alexander. And the bucket has begun, ladies and gentlemen. You see what it is. Anything can happen. That young buck. Ooh, it's Heidi and Val, everybody. What a special treat. What did we miss there? What just happened? They kiss? Oh, my God. Wow. Chase Alexander's earlobes just got hard.

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29:54Brian Redban:Everybody, your next bucket poll looks like another new name goes by the name of Timmy D. Timmy D. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, this party's just getting... Make some noise for Timmy D, everybody. First try! Sony, somebody told me back there, this shirt looks racist.

30:19I'll tell you what's racist is elephants. You never hear any white people getting killed by an elephant.

30:30How much do you got to be not paying attention to get killed by an elephant? I'd be like, hey, look, y 'all. Here comes the elephant.

30:42Olé! Anyways, worst part about getting killed by elephant is you're laying there and... I'm going blank. You're like, well, I've been killed by elephant, and it's exactly the opposite of what you thought it would be like when you when you died you're surrounded by surrounded by loved ones candles and a priest trying to put his cock in your mouth and you're like hey man i'm dying over here he goes and the priest is like that's what makes it extra dirty so so you're later

31:24Brian Redban:all right you reached your time limit one more time for timmy d everybody Thank you. Or as I call him, Scary the Cable Guy. I'll take that. I'll take that. Timmy, welcome, welcome. It's surreal, Tony. I love it. Look at you. You are just a dream bucket pool. I cannot wait to find out all about you. The last guy was giving me nothing. That pussy lived with his grandma, doesn't do anything. I feel like you have fucking bodies buried in the backyard. You know what I'm saying? Anybody that steps foot in your yard. There's carcasses in the back. Oh, yeah, mostly deer and stuff. Okay, very good to me How long you been doing stand-up off and on for about ten years?

32:07Brian Redban:I love it all of it here in Texas No, I was I went to LA you went to LA I did the first time I ever did it I got up with the ice house in Pasadena how many gay men got slaughtered in LA when you I got the fuck out of Yeah, I do like somebody would slaughter a gay guy yeah I'm learning a lot about myself tonight you're learning a lot that a mirror could have taught you this is just I decided this is what I'm doing you know you just make a decision this is what I'm fucking do you like my boots it's great it's great it's great Timmy get back up to the mic it's a wise choice camouflage people are wondering what the floating arms are doing out there blending into sixth street tonight timmy how old are you 63 really damn you look great for 63 buddy i've just had a uh little boy at 60.

33:06Brian Redban:you had a little boy i have a little boy that's three years old turned three years old in january oh my goodness gracious is he healthy and everything is he healthy yeah he's kicked me in the balls about 75 times in the last three years so yeah Perfect, perfect. It's doing good. What have you been doing for work your whole life, Timmy? I'm a guitar player, songwriter, engineer, producer. Wow, look at you, guitar player. How long have you been playing guitar for? Since I was six. Oh, my God. Wow.

33:40Brian Redban:And you've been doing that for a living? You made all your money? For the last, well, I was a carpet installer for years, and then I moved to Nashville. Okay. And then I picked up enough work on Broadway. How old were you when you moved to Nashville? 2002, I moved there. And then my wife and I had a baby, and her family's from Wisconsin, and she just wanted to live up there for a while. I just sold that house, then I'm moving back to Nashville in April. So how many kids do you have total? One that I know about. Well, you said you had one when you were in Nashville. One, six, yeah. I just had...

34:13Brian Redban:And then you had a... You lost me, Tony. Then you have a three-year-old. I have a three-year-old. That's all I got. That's all you got. When I turned 60, I had... Got it. Is this planned, by the way? What's that? Having a baby at 60. What was the question? Yeah. This is a lot, man. I haven't been on a stage in like four years. Was this a planned pregnancy? How old's the lady you got pregnant? She's going to be 39 in March. Damn, look at you. Yeah, let's go, big guy. Look at you. Listen. Did she know that she was getting fucked by you? Or was the camouflage throwing her off? She thought her dildo had a mind of its own that night.

34:56Brian Redban:The dildo fucked me, and it was trying to tell me jokes the whole time. It wouldn't shut up about elephants for some reason. I wrote that bit just to do this. I love it, dude. I did. It was a minute and five seconds, but I missed some stuff. So apparently it took me longer to tell it. Sure. Yeah. Anyways, so... Uh-huh. It's okay. I'll ask you a question. Come on. Yeah. Don't lose me. Yeah, we're not losing you, Timmy. I'm very good at this job. And you're exactly the type of person. I watch every week, and that's what I do in my spirit. I watch this show and have anxiety attacks. Because I knew I was going to be here.

35:40I knew. I just got here last week. And I came here and signed up today. I knew this was going to happen. Okay. I did.

35:47Brian Redban:I fucking knew it. Hey, I get it, dude. Intuition is strong. I love it. So I'm going to go back to Tim's very good question. You had a baby three years ago. My wife did. Right. But were you guys planning?

36:05Brian Redban:You fucking idiot. Yeah. I was way confused. He spent enough time in LA to where he might have a pussy. So Timmy, was it the plan? Were you like, I wanna, let's have a baby? No. I was in Florida. I was fishing. And I came in from fishing. You caught a baby while fishing? Yeah. I came in from fishing. She's like, I'm pregnant. I'm like... Awesome. Awesome. No, it's been great. I almost missed it. You don't want to miss that. You almost missed it. You almost missed what? Having children. Oh, the birth. It's unbelievable. Tell us about it. Is that how you dressed? He wears camo. Did the kid try to crawl back into the pussy when he saw you?

36:54Brian Redban:Wow, that's a little dark, Tony. Come on. My wife's watching this, I think. Do you think being a new father, do you think you're going to start to get your act together?

37:08well i don't have a job i don't i i hustle i hustle acoustic gigs and okay do some engineering some session work and tony bro you better get good at making fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or something that bitch is gonna leave you tony will you do me a favor yeah will you ask me about the low point in my musical career sure there you go what's the what's the low point in

37:32Brian Redban:your musical career? When I was playing guitar for Blake Shelton for about 10 years. Okay. Is that it? You're just taking a shot at a guy that... It was not good, Tony. Why was it not good? I mean, I was throwing my life away. Would you like to expand on that at all? Well, the low part, the low point, we did Good Morning America, and like 6.2 million people watched that show. Yeah, that's what they said. And I was standing there reading that song, Some Beach, and I was thinking to myself there's 6.2 million people just watching me throw my fucking life away right now that's listen can you guys play any blake shelton songs no we can't no you can't plan you no well that's a youtube copyright are you just taking shots of blake shelton a guy that paid you for 10 years the whole reason i'm here okay well that's great no we don't like i thought it would be interesting It's not.

38:27Brian Redban:But I will let you play a guitar. Heidi, are you back there? You have the house guitar. Is that thing tuned? We keep it tuned? Okay, we keep it tuned. Heidi. There she is, everybody. The lovely Heidi. We got a chord for that. We know what we're doing here. Is there anything to drink? What the fuck do you think this is, dude? Michael, hand him that. This is like a fucking dream right here, people. Crack it open for him. Michael, open it. I need a pen. They took all my shit and made me put it in that bucket back there. There you go. Take a sip of that. Here's to all the lesbians. Just take a fucking sip of the water.

39:01Brian Redban:Jesus Christ almighty. Take a sip of the fucking water. This is taking way too long. I see why Blake Shelton fired your ass. Very good, Red Band. It's a great mouth noise that we needed. I need a pick. Awesome. You need a pick? What else do you need? A fucking... Some lyrics and talent? Let's go, dude. Let's go. Come on. You just hit D Madness in the head with your fucking guitar. Get up there.

39:31You guys going to play with me?

39:34Brian Redban:Just play for a little bit. They'll join in. Jesus fucking Christ. It's got to be an original song. Hey, hey, hey. Timmy, Timmy, look at me. Timmy. You have to play an original song. You can't cover something, okay? YouTube's got wacky rules and they'll give all the money to fucking Blake Shelton if you play his music on the show.

40:04Brian Redban:Well, I mean, it literally can't be the same chords and sound as anything else. You've been playing guitar for six years. You don't have one fucking original song? I have a cut on Blake. You said you're a songwriter. Yeah. I do. You cut one of my songs. I played guitar on that fucking record, too. Do you have anything that isn't a famous song or a published song at all? Well, it was supposed to be the next single off the Pure BS record, and I got fired, and then I didn't get my song singled, and it cost me about a million. Can you do a solo? Just really rip it? Yeah, just destroy on guitar. There's a campfire burning on a Mississippi riverbank.

40:47My own pick-up Spakers are cranking out a lot of Hank Sheriff's daughter dancing on my hood With an empty bottle, this can't be good

41:05Brian Redban:Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it I've now been informed that he is indeed covering someone else's song I wrote that song What do you mean you wrote it? I wrote that song But it's out there by somebody else It's a cut on a Blake Shelton record, and I... Okay. Jesus Christ. Timmy, do you not listen at all? Oh, my God. Was your parents 60 when they had you? Red Band!

41:41Brian Redban:Wait, what's your sound when you do a good one?

41:47Brian Redban:No, you had that one sound that we play. It's been so long since you made a good joke that we literally... Oh, there it is. It's this one, right?

41:58Brian Redban:Red Band! With a joke that made the whole room laugh at once. Timmy, we appreciate your approach. We're going to have to edit that one part out where you play the song because it literally... I'm publishing on that song. I'll pay you to leave it in. I don't believe you. I don't believe Google this can't be good by Blake Jones a writer. It says to me the arm it's I swear to God all right Timmy you're out of here I love it here it's good enough for a big joke book I'll tell you that entertaining interview there he goes there he goes there he goes there he goes Timmy go there he goes okay fucking go Jesus fucking Christ hey back to Nashville you go.

42:47Tony, I don't mean to be like paranoid or anything, but he really violated that microphone while he was performing. Oh, it was unbelievable.

42:56Brian Redban:His nose, his lips, you guys couldn't see from where you were, but his entire face was... I'm a little worried about whoever talks into it next. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe we can switch it. Yeah, they're gonna get some fucking... They're gonna get some Nashville herpes from the 1960s. All right, your next comedian, ladies and gentlemen. She's been on this show before. Funny young lady goes by the name of Emily Wade, everybody. Here we go.

43:30I'm from Boston. You can't really hear it from my accent unless I say certain words like back or khakis or suck my fucking dick, bitch. You know, the classics. My guy friend heard my accent once, and he was like, Emily, I think it's kind of hot that you have a Boston accent. Do you use it in the bedroom? I was like, what the fuck do you think I do in there? I'm just like, harder.

44:00Faster. No, you show me who's in charge, Daddy. I want you to pack that Big Mac truck right in Havid Garage. Or whatever Caddy B says. I was having sex recently though and he was hitting it from the back and out of nowhere I just turn and go use me like a fucking fleshlight sex stops immediately nothing will get you softer than Mark Wahlberg's voice coming out of my body thank you guys so much wow Emily wait wow

44:37Brian Redban:unbelievable that was fantastic Fantastic. You've been on this show before, but that was your best set yet for sure. Thank you. Welcome, welcome. Remind everybody, how long you been on stand-up? I'm coming up on three years now. Three years. And you're originally from Boston, but before this you were in Miami? Yes, I was. Is there anything you miss about Miami? Besides the hookers? Yeah, is there anything? I really miss the weather. It's fucking cold in Austin, even though it only gets to like 60 degrees out here. Yeah. It'll get warm. to say the least. It's going to get real hot. Is there anything you miss about Boston?

45:17Yeah, the people. We're such assholes up there. I love it. I made eye contact with somebody on the train the other day, and I was like, why the fuck are you looking at me, dipshit? Avert your eyes, Ugo. Sorry.

45:29Brian Redban:No, it's great. You really are from Boston. Fuck yeah. And how's Austin treating you? What do you love about Austin, Texas? um you know i i really love the outdoor people they always bring entertainment it's fantastic i'm never bored here that are you talking about the homeless that's a great word for them i've never thought about that before we have a lot of outdoor people here it's brilliant i thought you was talking about like patagonia vest guy a lot of people dress like timmy d out there a lot of camouflage muscle shirts. Outdoor people. Amazing. Amazing. What do you do for fun around town when you're not doing stand-up, Emily?

46:18I don't want to tell you what I do because I don't want to make you make me do it, but I love karaoke.

46:23Brian Redban:Oh, my God. I'm a big karaoke. Well, unfortunately, we already had a guy do a little karaoke right before you. I swear to God I wrote that song, Tony. Oh, shit. I just accidentally had another baby. I love it. What do you guys think about Steve-O, Tim? What do you guys think about Emily? I loved it, and I'm just mesmerized by the tattoo of a jellyfish. Hey, my eyes are up here, Steve-O. Yeah, all I can see is this jelly. Why did you get a jellyfish tattooed on your arm? Okay, so I'm really scared of the ocean, but I love the ocean. One day my karate sensei showed me his tattoo Your karate sensei?

47:12He's overpowered Yeah, I'm a second degree black belt

47:16Brian Redban:Are you serious? Yeah, but don't ask me to show you anything Because I'm kind of fat and out of practice No, come on, there must be some Can you do just one little front kick or something? Can you beat the fuck out of this guy? No, she's so pretty You want me to beat the shit out of a blue haired liberal? Yeah, actually she's perfect blue-haired lady that looks like she wants to protest the show. Why don't you just take a front kick? Let this poor, let this ice protester from Minneapolis take a... All right. What kind of shoes are you wearing? Um, Nikes? Yeah, you could throw a kick. Throw a kick.

47:52Brian Redban:Come on, Michael, give me that kick music. Whoa! Oh, my goodness gracious. That's incredible. Thank you. I'm here all week. So, let's go back to it. You're Karate Sensei. sensei had a tattoo he had a tattoo of a spider and i was like why the fuck do you have a black widow spider he was like i'm terrified of spiders so he was like i put something that scares me on my body so i have to face my fear every day and i was like 15 i was like whoa that's so fucking deep and then i got money and my buddy tattooed me in his bed and it was a jellyfish so yeah that tattoo looks like it was done laying down in bed that's incredible steve is that why you have a dick on your forehead.

48:34How do you know about that?

48:36Brian Redban:My sensei told me to get whatever I'm most scared of. If I did that, it would be a vagina on my forehead. Wow. You have a jellyfish. That's incredible. Yeah, Red Band's thinking about getting a peanut butter and jellyfish tattoo. too. Wow. Emily, what else is going on in life since the last time we saw you? Anything else crazy? I did my first three feature spots in the past year, which is very exciting. Nice. Thank you. Longer sets. For those of you that might not know, that's the spot in between the opener and the headliner on the road. Usually 15, 20, 30 minutes. It's a growth spurt. Your karate sensei would be very proud.

49:23He did me very well.

49:24Brian Redban:Steve-O. Who did you feature for? Um, I featured for Davy Jax, and then I did, like, two different feature spots in, like, showcases. Oh, sweet. Do you have any other tattoos?

49:39Nothing as nice as your eyebrow one. Oh, thanks. I have, I can show you, I have this one. Sorry, my bad. I'll clean it after, guys.

49:48Brian Redban:It's fine. This one says, never less. Ooh. And this one says, never more. And again, I thought it was deep as fuck, okay? Wow. Oh, wow. You must be scared of bad tattoos.

50:05Brian Redban:Sit on it and rotate. Emily, I would love to have you on the secret show Thursday. Boom, you just got booked on the secret show. Here's the big joke book. Emily Wade, ladies and gentlemen. Growing. I love it when people get better and better on this show. Sometimes, every once in a while, people stay stagnant. People get worse. Turns out that one minute that they did the one time was their best minute, and they haven't been writing. How about one more time for Emily Wade? We're going to keep it moving on here. Hello there and welcome. This podcast is sponsored by ZipRecruiter. What's the latest trend in hiring?

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53:05Brian Redban:That's code TONY to get$50 in daily fantasy lineups when you play your first$5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Blake Apatow. everybody here we go great to be here what's up folks um i don't know how y 'all feel about immigration but i feel like all things we need some balance like i think we should build a wall we should also install a doggy door for hot latinas we need them desperately I think we should import millions of gorgeous Latinas. And for every Latina we import, we can deport one obese white chick.

53:55Maybe two to one or three to one. I don't know what the exchange rate is. I'm a big white gal. It's been a tough year. My best friend died from a fake Xanax that had fentanyl in it. Yeah, he would take Xanax to help him chill out. Now he's about as chill as you can possibly get. Eternally chill. And my other friend FaceTimed him the night he died. He still feels horrible. Feels like he could have saved him somehow. Imagine how I feel. I sold him that Xanax.

54:32Brian Redban:Thank you, folks. Blake Apatow. Welcome to the show, Blake. Thank you, sir. How are you? Doing wonderful. You've been on before, right? Yeah, recently. Yeah. This was better than last time, right? Definitely. Much better. Yeah. Hell yeah. You've been picturing this and preparing for it mentally. Yeah, brother. And writing and doing open mics. Definitely. How often do you get on stage a week? Yeah, so just in the last couple months, I've really found like an upshift that I was probably doing on average the last couple years in Austin, maybe three minutes a week. And now I'm doing like 30 minutes a week.

55:03There you go. Yeah. Shows. Shows, my friend.

55:08Brian Redban:Amazing. Loved the ideas the whole way through. Did you really have a best friend that died? Yeah, it's actually, he was like my middle school best friend. And it's kind of a complicated death, you know, because we jacked each other off as middle schoolers. Ah. So, tech, yeah. Now our secret is, it's safe, it's six feet underground. Yeah. He made you come and you made him go. Oh, yeah. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Obviously, you didn't really sell him that Xanax. That's a joke. Correct. Okay, correct. Because I had to ask because you literally look like you sell that Xanax. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, people try to buy Coke from me all the time.

55:50I bet. You look like an outdoor person. I get that. But he looks like a really fucking hot outdoor person. I mean, yeah. It is amazing. I work in the neighborhood in some hotel valet. The other day he saw me, he's like, dude, I don't know your vibe. I can't figure out. I can't figure out if you're a billionaire or homeless. Yeah. That's fair. Percocet Forrest Gump. Yeah.

56:17Brian Redban:Chris Delaudid.

56:21Brian Redban:Yeah. You get a lot of girls. You're a good looking guy. You dress like you're trans or something. I do okay. I do okay. A lot of women just like instantly, yeah, either, they feel me or they don't, I guess. They make it very clear if they don't. Sometimes I'll kind of wander up in short shorts and shirtless and flip flops and around like Lady Bird Lake and instantly a girl. I'll just go to say hi and I'll be like, not interested. All right, fair. Yeah, we try. But every once in a while, one of them is into it. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Any of them with alive dads? Ah, I don't know about that, brother.

56:55Brian Redban:I don't know about that. Can you give us an example of a time that went extremely well for you? Ooh. Yeah. You ever just bang a chick against a tree there at Lady Bird Lake? Ooh! One time I went on a Tinder date by the Lady Bird Lake, and she was a mom. And we kind of strolled for an hour it got dark and then we sat at a bench and she ended up blowing me twice Twice twice. I didn't even want the second. Oh my god That's amazing deep madness is going to meet this girl right now

57:30Where the fuck is ladybird leg at This fucking motherfucker Thank you

57:38Brian Redban:It's amazing She made you come twice Well I guess when you're used to getting jerked off by middle school boys It's pretty exciting Get your dick sucked on a park bench And I thought you would know

57:53Brian Redban:So explain to us twice How much time is in the middle there And are you using Bluetooth using the promo code Kilton Sounds like a good idea Maybe in the future But no, so we were kind of just hanging out, and people were coming slowly, sporadically, and then we started kind of hooking up, started going for it, and then it was very hot because people were coming. We had to stop the blowjob multiple times and kind of pretend like we were doing nothing and then cover it up. And very hot for her to resume that. What did you cover it up with? Oh, I just threw the pants on quickly, and then I kind of like threw my leg over.

58:28Brian Redban:I was curious if you maybe had like a newspaper or something. And so one of the times she makes you, climax. Oh, yeah. And then how much time goes in between the first blowjob and the second blowjob? An uncomfortable amount. I wasn't even ready really for the second one. It was clear that she wanted that. 20 or 30 minutes? No. Longer than that? Two or three minutes. Wow. Yeah, but it was so hot. Like, I'm not even an exhibitionist, but I guess then I discovered I kind of was. And I don't know. Yeah, and it's like, it's beautiful. I mean, obviously blowjobs are amazing anywhere, but in nature, with the sounds of the little evening squalls.

59:07Yeah, and that's just you. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

59:14Brian Redban:Ugh. Amazing. Do you know how many kids this mother had? She had one. How old's that kid? I think she's seven. Wow. Yeah. Just think about that. You were all seven at one point. Your mom could have been sucking outdoor people cock at the park. Think about that. And no one wants to believe that your mom would do it. But just remember, she did. Your mom's all... All right. Amazing. Red band? Tony, what kind of car do you think he drives? This is easy. I'm going to go with a bird scooter. Now, you are a Mitsubishi Eclipse. It was a 06 Mustang GT. Okay. But currently, you're on the money scooter. Right.

1:00:00So I am right. Yeah. It really is a scooter. But I prefer the line bike. That's, like, classy to me. That's, like, the millionaire kind of version of the scooter. Hell, yeah. What do you mean currently? What happened to the car? Well, I got a... DUI. Yeah, no, 100%. A year ago. Really? Yeah. Spot on. Just almost wrapped it up now. Take us through that.

1:00:21Brian Redban:Oh, God. What exactly happened that night? Okay. A couple drinks with my co-worker and a couple comments that came back to kind of haunt me that night. I was like, wow, I'm so proud of my drinking lately. I've been being so responsible. And then I, after like two or three drinks, I went and stopped in to get a drink at my friend's bar. And I genuinely remember that first drink, nothing at all for the next four hours, complete blackout, complete blackout. came out of the blackout with multiple cops with firearms on me. Yeah. Yep. Let me ask you this. How many drinks did you have at that second bar?

1:01:00Brian Redban:Did your buddy tell you? Did he tell you the next day or whatever? So that's the thing is I was too shameful. I didn't even go back and ask, honestly. But I had a number of drinks. Is this buddy the same guy that you blew? Maybe? His revenge. You're getting all the stories across here. It was a hand job. He wouldn't suck his buddy's dick. I mean, that'd be gay. And that's the thing is, we did, you know? We did actually blow each other. Oh, yeah. So, FYI, 13-year-old boys give terrible head. God awful. Wow. Wow. Wouldn't recommend. Wow. Clip it. I'm on my Epstein shit. That's a brand new sentence.

1:01:50I'm a young Epstein. I'm looking for my Ghislaine. Amazing. Ghislaine is in prison. Amazing, Blake Apatow.

1:01:59Brian Redban:Did you know at the time it was terrible? Or was it after you finally had a woman's touch that you went, wow, that was actually not that good? No, it was so bad. It was mid, bro. It was really terrible on impact. But it was so nice to have somebody touching me. For reference, it wasn't my first blowjob. I was able to self-suck when I was a 13-year-old. So it was just nice to have somebody else sucking it, man. Right. Yeah. That was... Ghouls, got to get back to class. Red Band, you got any secret show spots left? Fucking pervert.

1:02:38Brian Redban:Get yourself a hand job, Red Band. Can you still self-suck? Yeah. No, bro. I lost the magic power, dude. Heidi, bring out the yoga mat. Have you tried recently? I haven't tried recently. You haven't? No, I haven't. Now, when you would self-suck, Tim, hold on to that question, because I want to get back to that. But when you would self-suck, would you go on your back, legs up and over? Or would you go get hard, Indian-style, hunch over the old Master Yoda, you know? Yeah.

1:03:12So, I tried everything. I'm an experimental guy. I will say I was kind of a pro level though. I could self-suck just standing up. I could just bend over.

1:03:23Brian Redban:Can you show us exactly? Can I get a drum roll and you show us exactly? Steve-O's very interested. He's getting ready for Jackass 6 over here. Whoa! Very good. Okay, you said you could self-suck until you were 13. Yeah. So at what age did the goo come out and how did you handle that? Well that's the thing is I started jacking off and I had goo And then I was sucking with goo So I had like a hot six month run Okay so what were you doing with the goo? You know what I was swallowing it Yeah

1:04:07Brian Redban:This is Kill Tony 2026 And for that my friend You're leaving here with a big joke He just catches it in his mouth and swallows it Blake Apatow I love you, thank you I'm trying to figure out what was the crazier confession Sucking his buddy's dick when he was 13 Or swallowing his own shit Yeah, somehow it's less gay if it's your own dick, isn't it? I think almost everyone agrees Yeah. Yeah. But that was heavy. That was really, really heavy. You know, most people online that have sucked their own dick say it feels less like getting your dick sucked and more like you're sucking a dick. Yeah. It's like an elbow.

1:05:00Brian Redban:Yeah. Red Band said on an episode that he used to be able to do that. We put it to the test. His head was about three feet away from it. The belly now. Yeah, the belly blocks everything. I used to only be able to do the tip of it. It was so horrible. Red Band has a four-foot-long penis, everybody. Wow. Amazing. Let's get another bucket pull up here before going to one of our great regulars. Ladies and gentlemen, your next bucket pull goes by the name of Michael Good, everybody. Michael Good.

1:05:41All right. I had to go to a baby funeral. And I'll make it silly. But, uh... I don't know why I thought I was gonna see other babies at the funeral.

1:06:02I'm just looking around like, I guess this wasn't one of the popular ones.

1:06:09That's the only funeral where you can't talk to the coffin with the same voice that you talked to the person when they were alive. if you just come like you might if I say a few words a lady got mad at me recently for saying the word this woman's like you're saying the r-word what year is it this retard doesn't even know what year it is bless her heart

1:06:47Brian Redban:wow what the fuck can i say holy shit amazing michael good has entered the killtony universe welcome welcome my friend where where have you been doing comedy at this whole time so i've been in New York for about seven years now. Two years in Florida and about seven in New York. Wow. You are fucking hilarious. Dude, thank you, man. I appreciate it. What brings you to Austin? I was just kind of going down here trying to do shows, and I have some friends in the scene, so I was like, let me just mix it up and get down here for two weeks. Amazing. Amazingly talented. Where do you tend to perform in New York City?

1:07:23My two main spots are New York Comedy Club and the Grizzly Pair.

1:07:26Brian Redban:Nice. Yeah, you're doing it, dude. That's hilarious. What's the longest set you've ever done? I've done 50, but it's fucking stretched. It's like the headliner road gigs that are just like... Dude, on Saturday, it was like nobody below 65 in Greenville, Texas. Sure. Yeah. That happens. That's part of the game. Do you open for people? Do you feature for people? Anything like that? No, I'm featuring one of my friends doing one online next month, but then for the most part, it's just road gigs and club spots. But like low-level headliner gigs and stuff like that. You are fantastic. Do you make a living doing stand-up in New York?

1:08:02No, no, I'm poor as shit right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sold feet pics like two days ago. Really? Yeah, my podcast listeners, they're into the feet, and I waited till the last minute, and I was like, ah, fuck it.

1:08:15Brian Redban:We have a... D-Madness is into feet. He's coming back in. He just got done getting a double blowjob at Lady Bird Lake. He thinks it was Lady Bird Lake. It was really just a piss stream in the alleyway, but we told him it was Lady Bird Lake. Anyway, Michael, tell us more about your life. What else about you? Such great jokes, so well written. Thank you. So perfectly executed. What else? Well, I grew up doing pretty well, so this is a big drop-off. So, like, I grew up rich, just getting blown in my dad's Range Rover, and then now I sell plasma and feed pics, so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm like a washed-up Disney Channel star, It feels like just fucking amazing.

1:09:02Brian Redban:What did dad do for a living? He works in real estate. Nice. Yeah That was in Florida. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What part of Florida? Orlando. Yeah. Hell yeah. The home of Cam Patterson. Yes. Did you know Cam when you were coming up? So I went back for the holidays because I lived in New York and he buried me when he was like six months in and I'm like how long does that I was like, yeah, I'm going to kill myself. That was fucking... He's a special freak. Yeah, he's great. I love it. And so you still live in New York? Yes, I leave tomorrow, actually. What's your situation like? How many square footage?

1:09:35Brian Redban:You live by yourself? No, two other comics under a train, basically. Okay. Allowed. Is it a two-bedroom? No, it's three bedrooms. And then one toilet, though. You got your own bedroom. What part of town? uh brooklyn willingsburg brooklyn so you're sharing one toilet with three two two other dudes two dudes yeah wow what's that like it is it's pretty brutal you can i can break into my laundry rooms bathroom the the landlord like locks that but i'll just go in there and break it if i really have to take it though that's crazy he has one toilet three dudes i live by myself and have three toilets we're like the opposite we're like opposites michael good it's incredible

1:10:21Brian Redban:I have toilets I've never even seen before Just to let you know When you think about me, just remember I love it What else about your life? Tell us more You're so funny and interesting Dude, thank you I'm bad with money I put money towards becoming a UFO field investigator Because I want the ID You get a card from this thing called MUFON, the Mutual UFO Network. And I'm like, dude, to have a little badge with my face on it, seems like I could do a lot of fun with that. So a lot of plans that don't actually move my career forward. And I'm like, why did I spend$300 on that? Wow, what else? You slinging Cutco knives or anything like that?

1:11:03Brian Redban:You just have the wildest money-making schemes. It is absolutely incredible. Yeah. I'm trying to think. Ways to make money or how to... How much money do you have? How much money do you have saved up right now? This is the only show in the world where people ask that question. By people, I mean me. I have 600. 300 is borrowed right now, yeah. You gave away 300. Or no, you're borrowing 300. 300 of the 600 is borrowed. And who did you borrow it from? A friend or a parent? A parent, yeah. Okay, are they charging interest? Your dad owns real estate. Is there an APR or something like that? No, no, no, no.

1:11:39It was a secret one that my mom was like, no, no, no, no.

1:11:42Brian Redban:Oh, we love those secret mom borrowings. I never got one in my life. That's why I ended up wildly successful. Yeah. I mean, you can't have people helping you. You know what I mean? You got to fucking struggle. Yeah, I agree. So what is that extra 300 doing for you exactly? What are you doing with that extra 300 that you wouldn't have done had you not had it? Just getting rent covered so I can like, yeah, and I'm going to pay it back. Of course. Plasma, feet, pick. She doesn't have to know where I got it from. Yeah, exactly. She might be the one to support you secretly without dad knowing she might be the one buying your feet pics Something to keep in mind sweetheart.

1:12:20Brian Redban:I just want to I'll do anything don't let dad know Dad's tough on you, huh? Yeah, but he's a good dude, but he believes in what you're doing. Yeah We've got it some argument we got an argument a couple months back. I was like I don't know why we're having this conversation I've never borrowed money from you. And then like two months later, I was like, oh, shit, I got to ask this guy for money. But he supported, but like, I don't know. He's like, you know, we'll see. But yeah, I don't know. Amazing. Amazing. You remind me of the guy from Office Space. Oh, yeah, I get that a lot. Yeah, yeah. How much money do you get for plasma?

1:12:56And have you ever done double red?

1:12:58Brian Redban:Because that pays more, right? Double what? Double red. No one knows what you're talking about. Oh, that's like the... How do you know about that? Are you selling plasma? Red Pan's buying plasma. Every six months, bro. I think we just found out how COVID started, everybody. Red Pan donating plasma to fucking people in Wuhan. Your dad doesn't know shit. You're going to make it. Thank you, dude. I appreciate that. Thank you, man. I appreciate that a lot. He's a good dude. He's just cautiously supportive. Fuck your dad. I'm going to beat the fuck out of your dad. I'll tell you what, you've been doing comedy in New York for seven years total.

1:13:43Brian Redban:What do you think the greatest venue to possibly play in all of New York is? Like outside comedy? Like Madison Square Garden? That is correct. And I want you to tell your dad that you will be doing a minute on Keltony in August at the greatest arena in the world, Madison Square Garden. You're doing it, buddy. Here's a big joke, folks. Thank you so much. We'll see you in August at Madison Square Garden tickets going on sale extremely soon. I'm technically not supposed to announce it. It's supposed to be a surprise, but we do it every year. We go to Madison Square Garden every year, just like every other podcast does.

1:14:32All right. This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Spring calls for a wardrobe refresh, and Nordstrom has the best styles of the season. From dresses and denim to standout tops and accessories, find the trends and essentials that feel right for you. Discover new arrivals from brands you love, like WAIF, Princess Polly, Mango, Adidas, and Free People. Plus, free shipping and returns and free styling appointments make everything so easy. Shop in stores at Nordstrom.com or download the Nordstrom app. One sweet, melty bite of a Hershey's bar and suddenly I'm right back sitting on the front porch with my grandmother on a slow summer afternoon.

1:15:14She doesn't say much, just breaks the bar in half and hands me a piece. I open my mouth to say whatever a nine-year-old wants to say and she replies with a low, shh, listen. So we sat there, listening. That was the first time I learned that quiet can feel full. Hershey's, it's your happy place.

1:16:03Uh, armadillos are just Mexican turtles.

1:16:14I thought that's what the word armadillo means. Because I've been trying to create some secret ooze to turn these niggas into teenage mutant ninja Mexican turtle. You don't even got to change the name. You know what I'm saying? is this Raviel Leonardo, but I'm Master Splinter. Now that I got y 'all in a silly thing, I gotta get to some beef that I got. Fuck the nigga who made the low battery noise and smoke detectors. How the fuck? I got so many white friends that move next door to me, they smoke detector don't never go off. But when my black-ass family move in, that shit be on for 15 years. Nigga, either kill yourself or not.

1:17:07I hate a battery that don't actually want to die. But then now I know it's a conspiracy. They turned us into sleeper agents. They want us to be ghetto. Because in 2001, I opened up the smoke detector. And if y 'all remember, Duracell used to be able to have these buttons that you could press and see how much energy was left in the battery. Nigga, it was full.

1:17:38I'm done. I'm stretching shit too fast. Dead drink. No more. Blame.

1:17:46Brian Redban:Fucking unbelievable. Every single time. My God. Oh, my God. So many great references. The armadillo really is a Mexican turtle. Your take on the battery is incredible. I forgot about Duracell's amazing technology back then. Yeah. It was an interesting thing. I mean, you would almost, what? We would kind of take things out just to check. You would, like, take the batteries out. Yep, still there. Super cool technology. It was. You know why it chirped, though, even though the battery was full? Say something mean. No, it's because that means the sensor was done. You had to replace it. It wasn't the battery.

1:18:27It was the censor. It expires after like three years. How come my white friends didn't have no censors? Well. Please tell me more about your fucking technology that your people did to my black people to make us poorer than what we thought because we can't have a full conversation without somebody going, Yeah.

1:18:44Brian Redban:Well, we have the same thing. The white people have the same thing, but when we hear it, we do whatever it takes to stop it. That shit be over there, Tony. We ain't got time. I got to knock down cobwebs and shit. I got to go outside and be black in the 90s. It was a lot. Steve-O. I did what it took to stop mine. I got a fucking broom and I fucking javelined that thing. No more smoke detectors. Have you ever thought about taking a gun, holding it sideways and shooting the smoke detector? Yeah, the other day I got a fucking gun and I fucking went up there and I fucking... I robbed that nigga's voice No, that's my impression of you I'm so sorry It's not me being mean I love you Black people love you Thank you so much Hey man, I love you I love you too, man And it get uncanny That's my black Stebo impression Wait This is Stebo saying nigga Nigga That's amazing That's amazing I've always wondered What it would sound like Coming from that voice Nigga, y 'all gotta check out Wild Boys You gotta check out Dragonfire the movie Black Steepa gonna be in there I think you got a new character Yeah Stevo Harvey

1:20:12Welcome to the feud

1:20:19So why Let's go to the Antscore boy Family pussies. Number what? No, turtles, not yet. What do you call Mexican turtles?

1:20:33Brian Redban:So, Dedrick, you did it again. What else? Have you seen an armadillo? I've seen a lot. No, I saw one when I was high, and I never want to see that nigga again. They really are a freaky little thing. That shit, them niggas move too quick. They do. That's why they're not turtles. Yeah. A turtle take his time, say, what's up to you? Can I cross here? like an armadillo that nigga just run up on you and he want a taco or some shit like that you know what I'm saying it's really like an armored raccoon from Mexico from my deep research of seeing one of them niggas and I never want to see I'm moving back to Atlanta if I see two more armadillos why the fuck y 'all got them out here we should do something you can't even eat them niggas without getting like a STD or some shit like that because I looked into it.

1:21:24Tony, you know I cook. I wanted to make some armadillo fried rice.

1:21:30Brian Redban:Amazing. How about bats? You've seen a lot of bats here in Austin? No, I'm waiting for the bats to come out. Yeah. I bought a little mini bike and I bought a Batman costume. And I'm a gold-deedle. You might have bats in your place and not know about it because they hang from the ceiling and chirp every once in a while. But I think black, like, bats, not blacks. Bats. Is it Bat History Month? Meet the bats. It is. It's Bat History Month. No, I hate the bats. March is Bat History Month. Was that your joke? You put the mic down immediately. Tim, we're friends. Don't do this. Bats are just black birds.

1:22:20Brian Redban:that's why they be hanging all the time

1:22:27Brian Redban:let's go the butterly hingecliff connection alive and well oh man i wish i was well equipped to say something back but just you wish there was an n-word for white people they have crows oh they have they have white words they have like n-words for white people you can't say yeah crows crows are different though. That's a whole different thing. They're out there working the fields and everything. That's a whole different world. You guys would never. The bats eat the insects because I Googled it because I was dating a white witch one time and that bitch had a bat box in the backyard so she could have bats to take care of the mosquitoes.

1:23:05Because down south our mosquitoes are bigger than me. And they got to eat all that. That's why we got lightning bugs. I don't know. Y 'all like lightning bugs? Y 'all calling what? fireflies out here. That's dumb as fuck, nigga. Them shits is called lightning bugs in the real South. You know what I'm saying?

1:23:22Brian Redban:I remember lightning bugs very well. Awesome. I don't really see them. No, they don't have them out here. They don't really have them out here. You know Batman didn't have a father either. They got those ones. Wait, Red Band, ladies and gentlemen, bring up the sound effect. I don't know if you guys heard it. It happened quick. He's not one that's known for timing and enunciation, but he did just crank another home run. He did. He said Batman also didn't have a father. And just for that, my friend, oh, he can't find his own sound effect. Yeah, dumbass. 13 years. That's from William Montgomery. He told me to tell you, fuck you, dumbass.

1:24:00Brian Redban:Wow. Red Band with two jokes in one episode. If you have that on your bingo card, if you bet$1 on Pauly Market, you just won $5 billion. That is the first time

1:24:18Brian Redban:Batman be Robin also Whoa

1:24:30Sunset Sunset Wow Come on Wow

1:24:40Brian Redban:Yeah, Redman on his shit today Do you believe in miracles? USA beats Canada in hockey. Yeah! And Red Band pulls a hat trick on Kill Toe. This is unbelievable. Someone's going to drink himself to death tonight. I can already tell. He's going to be holding court in mid-seats. Just gather around, kids. Let me tell you how I got to this point in my life. I need you all something. Shout out White Dad. That's what I call Red Man. White Dad. Oh, my God. Dedrick, you're the fucking man. You did it again. We absolutely love you. You're watching a shooting star, ladies and gentlemen. Live in the flesh, the one and only dark storm of Austin, Dedrick Flynn.

1:25:32Brian Redban:What an episode. You guys having fun out there? I know we are up here. All right, your next bucket bowl goes by the name of Gus Swanda. Gus Swanda, here we go.

1:25:48Thank you. I recently moved back to the United States after living in South Korea for 30 years. So I'm experiencing a bit of a culture shock. The biggest difference is the things you can't say now in America that you could 30 years. You can't say, apparently you can't say homeless. you have to say unhoused. I tested this theory out. I saw a homeless guy the other day, and I said, do you prefer the term homeless or unhoused? And I will never forget what he said to me. It was so poignant. He said to me, stop stealing my thoughts as he stabbed me repeatedly.

1:26:25I'll put that down as an unhoused after I get back from the hospital. You know, you can't say the word retard anymore. that's a new one, you have to say democrat

1:26:43yeah you know a mechanic kicked me out of his shop the other day just for telling him that I blew a tranny that's homophobic I'm like no, I drive too hard the worst one, you can't say f*** anymore go ahead, go ahead finish it No, I mean, you have to say, a bundle of sticks with which to start a fire with, you know. I mean, but that's so long. I mean, that's a good word. I love it.

1:27:16Brian Redban:All right, all right, all right. There you go. You did it. Gus Swanda, welcome. Okay. How long have you been doing stand-up, Gus? I started in 2007. Wow. I started in 2007. Did you? Yeah. That's the same level of success I could see. I love it. I mean, you went on to make all those great Mythbusters episodes. And I focused mostly on the comedy. Comedy. Yeah. Why didn't I think of that? What have you been doing the whole time? Where were you in 2007 when you... I was in Busan, South Korea. Pusas? Busan. Busan. Yeah. And we had a comedy group, you know, a pretty big community there. It's like the second largest city.

1:28:00Seoul had a comedy group. and we tour around. I was lucky enough to... Remind me again, where's Pusan? It's on the very southern tip. It's on the coast, beaches. It's known for its beaches.

1:28:10Brian Redban:South Korea. Oh, sorry, yeah, sorry. Okay, go ahead. You were saying something. Well, you know, I was fortunate to meet and open up for some really big-name comedians like Kyle Kinane, Danny Cho. I'm good friends with Tom Rhodes. Nice. Yeah, so I came back here. I was a university professor. Where at? In Busan. Oh, you were at Busan University. You taught English? No, I taught international relations. Okay. So I came back here and I tried to do that and I found out I can't do that. Yeah. So I thought, well, you know, do what I love, comedy. And I found out I can't do that tonight as well. How old are you?

1:28:57How old am I really or how old do I tell people I am?

1:29:00Brian Redban:Jesus, you're also gay? Anyway. Sometimes you find out the answer to two questions at once. How old do you think I am, Tony? Hell yes. How old does my asshole look? Did you bleach it? How old are you, Gus? I'm 55. 55. How old do you tell people you are? Uh, 53. You think it's worth it? You think the juice is worth the squeeze on that one? Yeah. shave up a couple years. You know what? I swear to God, if you were two years older, I wouldn't be down, but I'm going to suck your cock on a park bench twice in three minutes. All right. Wow. That's a callback to earlier, Gus. A callback is when you...

1:29:45Brian Redban:No, I'm joking. What? No. I think it's so funny... Well, call me back later and we'll work on that. Whoa. Are you actually gay? No. Oh, okay. Gosh darn it. But I really want to be on the secret show. Whoa, that's Red Band's deal. Look at him. He's taking a phone call. He's taking a phone call. Red Band, come on. He's got pretty big kids. Dude, Rogen, I got three big laughs tonight on Kill Tony.

1:30:15Brian Redban:Did you bring back any good Asian women? Dead Asian women? Good Asian women. I was married for ten years. Wow. Yeah. You met her there? Yeah. What went wrong?

1:30:31Brian Redban:All right.

1:30:38Brian Redban:Another callback? No, it's not. It shouldn't have gotten that. They're literally just rooting for the underdog at this point, or in this case, the underpig. It's on fire, Tony. Stop hating, dude. the problem was communication problem for example like uh one time she came home all excited and she's like honey honey uh the man on the first floor is therapist and um he just moved in and i was like oh well koreans really don't believe in therapy how cool is that but does he speak english and she's like yes he was therapist in america and what she really meant to say was the man on the first floor was the rapist and he was a rapist.

1:31:23Well, I didn't know that. So I saw him in the elevator and I'm like, well, you know, I heard what you do. And he's like, oh, you did? I said, yeah. And you know, I really, sometimes we just like to come over and just unload. We swap stories. I would like that very much.

1:31:41Brian Redban:It never happened. You're a silly goose. Okay. What did your wife do for work? What type of massages did she give? No, it's okay. What did she do? She was an artist, so nothing, really. She didn't really earn any money. Sex was good? Yeah. And did it last the whole ten years? Why did it fizzle out? Well, I wanted to come back to America, and she really didn't. It ended amicably. I mean, I only got three minutes of material out of it, so had it been more contestant she only got three inches of material out of it she did uh guswanda give us one more crazy fun fact about your life um i just want to say that a guy named jace uh i met this weekend he's supposedly some really lucky guy he put his hand on me and he's like you're gonna get on kill tony i it wasn't him oh the odds of this happening are literally like one in 250 yeah and you just got lucky.

1:32:43Brian Redban:It was my hand. Oh, okay. My hand going through... I just want to say thank you to Tony's hand. Well, you don't have to thank anything. You have to thank me for creating this format. Oh, okay. I just don't want some fucking guy that thinks he's a psychic getting credit for you. I'd just like to thank Jays, who uh... He's a homeless guy at New Asus and Fifth Street. He put his hand on my shoulder and he's like you're gonna do that, dude. Or he makes ads and he's seen on Kill Tony. Alright, well. Well, Gus, the set was okay. Here's a medium joke book. Come back again sometime. I will. Here goes Gus Swanda, everybody.

1:33:23Brian Redban:All right, we're flying through it. Your next bucket poll goes by the name of Jarrell Beeman, everyone. Jarrell Beeman, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, what's up, man? I'm happy to be here in Texas, man. I actually live in a spot called Dayton, Ohio. Yup, yup, and that's all it gets right there. That's it. That's it. Now, for real, man, people don't get too hyped when I say I live in Dayton, man. It always gets real weird and awkward and quiet, you know? And I get it, man. Y 'all must not be a big fan of heroin, I see, because that's all we got in Southern Ohio, baby. All we got is heroin and fat white women.

1:34:03That's it. That's it. Hey, hey, but hold on. I'm addicted to both. Okay. No. Stop it. Stop. No. You laughing at the truth. Stop it. People are like, Jarrell, why don't you move out of dating? You're so talented, man. You should move. But I won't because the rent's too low, man. It's so cheap. Rent, my crib right now is$217 per month. Now, the week before I got it, I found out that a triple homicide happened right around the corner, which explained a lot. But when I found that out, That shit had me thinking about killing four people just to get that rent down to$150.

1:34:46Brian Redban:Absolutely hilarious. Jarrell Beeman has arrived. A lot of new names and faces tonight. It's a fun show. Welcome, Jarrell. What's up? Hell yeah. How are you? I'm good, man. I'm feeling good and gravy, man. Thanks for having me. I love it. I love it. What a great set. You look fantastic. You look like you took a convertible rocket here from... Never quite seen somebody who looks more blasted back than you do right now. I was filming the outfit today.

1:35:22Brian Redban:Not exactly sure what video game character you remind me of. I don't know if it's Sonic or Tails or exactly... What's going on here? But Jor-El, how long have you been on stand-up? I've been doing stand-up about seven years now. Seven years. I love it. And you still live in Dayton, Ohio? Yeah, I travel all around, but I'm based in Dayton. What keeps you in Dayton? The rent. My nigga, that rent's fantastic. I can't even imagine. Can you tell the people here exactly what your situation is? Well, at first, I was living in the ghetto. That was helping me out, paying that. But then I started living on campus with my girlfriend.

1:36:08And that was real cheap. I've been with her for five years. Clap it up for young black love. Clap it up, clap it up. It's a black woman? Black woman, I know, I know. It's not a fat white woman, I know. We all thought, but no. Fucking oink.

1:36:25Brian Redban:What does your girl do for work? Aw, man, my girl, man, she's a full-time musical theater student, and she works at a grocery store, which means we're broke as fuck. So, yeah. I'm the breadwinner, yeah. Hell yeah. What grocery store? Is it Kroger? No, it's Meyers. Okay. You know what, Red Band? We know Meyers very well. Red Band and I are both from the great state of Ohio. Oh, yeah. Originally. so is Tom Segura okay young Jamie okay I was waiting for more than I didn't know I thought it was more Dave Chappelle spent a lot of his youth there so did Richard Pryor okie-dokie yes big right big names don't matter either Matt right from Cleveland yeah Steve Harvey absolutely we could go on and on like Don't understand how we last so long.

1:37:23Brian Redban:Yeah. Let's have superpowers. So, Myers, and you make all your money doing stand-up, or you do a little Uber Eats or something? Yeah, man. You do? No, no, no. Stand-up, mostly just, you know, doing shows, selling merch, producing shows. A lot of it from producing shows. What's your merch like? What is that? Well, my merch, man, it's these little stickers of me with my image on them, and got my social media at the bottom. and they donation base. Oh, okay. You know, people give me what they feel from they heart, you know,$1,$5,$10, you know, whatever it is. But after the shows is how I sell them.

1:38:01I put a cardboard sign around my neck since I'm begging. Fuck you, since I was begging. And the sign says, I wish I could have brought it out, but the sign says, I'm funny, but being a broke comedian ain't no joke. Please donate, nigga. That's what it says on the box. I added in a nigga right now. There's no nigga on the side. And it helps me out. But producing shows mainly is what kind of helps me. I love it. Putting on my own show. But you're staying in Dayton, where the rent is cheap,

1:38:30Brian Redban:but it's also tough to make money. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever thought about moving with your talents, seven years experience, have you thought about moving to a city that might have a better economy and more opportunities for you? I've thought about it, man. I'm starting to really build up a lot of shit in the scene out there where I'm kind of like on top of this mountain a little bit. I'm kind of a big fish in a small pond. That's great. Can I tell you something? You're going to die in Dayton. If you keep building that mountain. Yeah. Exactly what is your rent? Just be honest with us. I got to know exactly what the rent that keeps you in Dayton is.

1:39:07Well, my rent now is different. I live in Huber Heights now. Ooh. Huber Heights.

1:39:14Brian Redban:It looks like I'm not the only one with three toilets here. Oh, I didn't realize I was talking to royalty, Jarrell. Jarrell, Jarrell, he lives quite a life of love, Jarrell, in Huber Heights. Oh, you must be the only black in the neighborhood.

1:39:35The population of black people is like 2%. It went up when I moved. It went up 2%. That's how black I am. I'm wearing my own name on my jersey. That's how black... I'm very black.

1:39:50Brian Redban:When he drives down the street, every white person's like, there he is. There's the one. I actually currently own a Cadillac that's not working. So that's how black... Wow. Wait, I'm getting word. It's now three... They're counting that 3 % in Huber Heights. They're counting your Cadillac as one of the... Well, it doesn't work. It just sits around all day. Might as well be black.

1:40:19Yeah, the rent now is like at, uh, it's like 700 now, so that's still, still grew up. Amazing.

1:40:24Brian Redban:So you and your girl are splitting 700 rent. I wish splitting, no. She don't kill me for saying that, but no, nigga, no, that's all me. It's you, huh? You let her keep her grocery store money? No, she keeps all that, man. She needs it. What is she spending on? um she takes care of the phone bill you know she got a phone bill oh oh my goodness so you got yeah she she uh phones are on other things you know honestly these are questions i should be asking her tony i don't know you you kind of fucked me up i was like damn what the if i'm helping she pays for the phones but does she also pay for the beepers i'm talking about i'm talking about your smoke detector of course my smoke uh nah that's uh Yeah, I got to find out what's going on with that.

1:41:14Brian Redban:Do you have a smoke detector in your apartment? You don't even know? The stereotype is incredible. I don't know my living situation. You're making me question my life. That's what I do to people. It's a lot of fun. Did you hear that? Do you know what that is? Is that the smoke detector? Yeah, it's very good. What's that playing for? Since you answered that correctly. No. But yeah, a lot of it too I produce my own shows And take them out on the road sometimes Do you know her friend Layla Ingalls? Oh yeah, Layla's the little homie I fucks with her, man That's my little mentee, man She's a little thing Let's check in with Steve-O What does What do you do To produce a show?

1:42:05I'm just trying to picture that Maybe I'm dumb

1:42:08Brian Redban:You're going to love it, actually. It's called Black Ass.

1:42:15Touring everywhere. But now, like, what kind of shows do you produce? Yeah, I help run out things. It's in the independent closer where we book different acts. But a show that I produce myself is actually called Jor-El's Will of Comedy, where, like, I get me and my co-host, Cockeroo. Y 'all can guess. All right. Wait, you said the word of the day.

1:42:36Brian Redban:What's your co-host's name? Cockaroo. Wow, that's crazy. How do you spell that? Cockaroo. C-O-C-K-A-R-U-E. Cockaroo. Cockaroo. For some reason, every time you say that, that weird noise plays. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually scaring the shit out of me right now. I wish that smoke detector was back on. It's freaking me out. But yeah, me and Cockaroo, we co-host it called Jarrell's Wheel of Comedy. We invite a guest comic on the panel with us. And what we'll do is we'll bring different comedians that we locked in for it. And they have a wheel, Jarrell's Wheel of Comedy. They spin the wheel and whatever the wheel lands on based on the topic, they got to do a joke based on that topic.

1:43:25So it'll be like relationship joke or crowd work or, you know, family joke, dirty joke. And they just do it on that. And we take that show about four different clubs out in the Midwest.

1:43:35Brian Redban:Awesome. I'm sorry for asking I saw it in your face Steve-o I fucking saw it Checking with the great Tim Butterly I'm actually gonna be in Dayton in March and I would love to have you on my not so secret show Whoa Look at that Oh my god He really is It does say Dayton here What are the odds of that? That's incredible Yeah Yeah I wish I could man I take it back Fuck you dude Looks like it's just I'm already featuring on a show in Hartford, Connecticut. Wow. You know what, Tim? I have a suggestion. Can you edit that part out? I'm going to say something mean now. I really want to. I have good news for you, Tim Butterly.

1:44:18Brian Redban:While Jor-El is not available, you can book Cockaroo. You guys book Cockaroo. No, you don't want to book Cockaroo. Me and Cockaroo are doing heroin and dating. Dude, you can't stop us. I almost most accidentally threw my wallet at you Jarell I swear that would have been fantastic well it ran off we do have from the great bonsai Harry Jokebook there he goes Jarell Beeman everybody what an exciting time this is what an episode let's keep the momentum up here we have one of the greatest Golden ticket winners in the entire show's history. How about a hand for Heidi and Val? Their hit podcast, Love on the Line, is available at HeidiRegina.com.

1:45:11Brian Redban:Be sure to follow the band, the Kill Tony Band, on YouTube and Instagram. And follow Bonesai. He makes the best stuff made out of leather in all of Texas. Score more with the college-branded Venmo debit card and earn up to 5 % cash back with Venmo Stash. Got paid back? With the Venmo debit card, you can instantly access your balance and spend on what you want, like game day snacks, gear, tickets, and more. The more you do, the more cash back you can earn. Plus, there's no monthly fee or minimum balance. Sign up now at Venmo.com slash college card. The Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank N.A.

1:45:45Select schools available. Venmo stash terms and exclusions apply at Venmo.me slash stash terms. Max$100 cash back per month. When you want your spring break to feel like... And your kids' pool day to feel like. And your hotel bed to feel like. Ooh, and room service to feel like.

1:46:08Brian Redban:Because at Hilton, hospitality feels like. Your cabana's ready. Would you like fresh towels? It matters where you stay. Book now at Hilton.com. Hilton, for this day. We have a great Golden Sega winner. One of the best ever, literally. perhaps the best golden ticket winner in the history of the show. Make some fucking noise for the one and only Martin Phillips, everybody.

1:46:40What's up? Hey. The medication I take is called oral baclofen. I take oral baclofen because I don't want to take anal baclofen. It could fall out, you know. Some people smoke weed through an apple. I smoke through a squash. So when I'm high, I'm like, oh, I'm so squashed right now. Let's get squashed. Trying to make it a thing. Okay. Scientists say, scientifically speaking, you can sleep with your second cousin. I don't know, it sounds like a scientist just had a really hot cousin. I did the research. It's cool. That's it.

1:47:39Brian Redban:Hilarious. Martin Phillips. Martin, welcome. Another very, very funny set. I'm noticing this backpack that you have tonight. Can I ask you what the hell's that? No, no. I brought it. Is that to help you stand up straight? What exactly is that? It's a parachute in case I fall.

1:48:06Child's backpack.

1:48:07Brian Redban:Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's cool. It's just what you needed to look a little bit more like a pedophile. Okay, so the most negative feedback I get is nobody wants to hear my voice, so Steve will get it.

1:48:31So, okay, I'll admit this is a child's toy, but it changes your voice.

1:48:39Brian Redban:Oh, my goodness. So we have the option of robot, ghost, alien, or monster. Ooh. What are you going to say into it? Do you have a pre-planned thing that you're going to say? Okay, we can redo the joke and see if it's better. Oh, my goodness. Which one do you... Let's do... What are you doing first? Robot. Here we go, the robot Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. This could be the future. What? Wow. Perfect. Wait, wait. Okay. Oh, it sounds like a robot, right? Okay. What's the deal with airline food? I really only hear you saying, what's the deal with airline food? That thing.

1:49:45Wow.

1:49:47Brian Redban:Steven talking, ladies and gentlemen.

1:49:53Brian Redban:Oh, my goodness gracious. Let's hear that ghost. Ghost? Yeah, I want to hear that ghost, dude. Wait a second. What? This thing is crazy. It's the ghost of a robot? Wait a second. I know how to work this. This is for five-year-olds. I can fucking... Yeah, you could do it. You could do it. Was that in the backpack that you stole from the kid? I can't. They can't afford this book bag, okay? Okay, okay, okay. This is the fucking... Oh, God. This is big. That's out. That's the big one. This might be monster, actually. Wow. This is still a grasshopper. This megaphone does every voice from Epstein's Island.

1:50:56Brian Redban:This is incredible. There's child ghosts. There's Stephen Hawking. Is there a Bill Clinton on that thing? This is alien. Yeah, it's white a alien, okay? It's gonna start speaking Spanish

1:51:40Brian Redban:Wow. Is there anything left? What's left? Did we do Monster yet? I think we did Monster. I think there's this regular megaphone. Oh, that's going to be great. Black helicopters. This thing might be a piece of shit.

1:52:02Oh, I'll... For all the parents out there, let me review them.

1:52:10Brian Redban:Let's switch it to Alien. I have an idea. Let's switch it to Alien. Shove it up Steve-O's ass. And you rip a fart. Wow, wow, wow, wow.

1:52:24Brian Redban:All right. Martin, you got anything else in that backpack? No, I just... Just... Serious question, though. Is that your real backpack? Do you wear that backpack around? Because it's hilarious. I don't use it that much, but it's a cool, stylish book. Little Asian girl's backpack. No, it's cool, OK? It's Swedish, OK? You want it? Tim Butterly. Imagine how disappointed the guy that robs him on 6th Street is going to be.

1:52:58Brian Redban:what the fuck this stupid ass megaphone man i can't even buy no crack with this shit yeah well oh so okay i made it worse than i usually sound but uh you are yeah unbelievable That was so entertaining. Yeah, fuck the haters. Goddamn right. Fuck the haters. Fuck the haters. One more time for the undeniable Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. What an episode. We're coming around the mountain here. We're coming around the corner. Two more bucket pools. Let's get through it. Your next one goes by the name of Freddie Dulesi, everybody. Freddie Dulesi. Here comes Freddie. Make some nice for Freddy, everybody.

1:53:54I just realized I think everything is a little racist. Like, my brother got a Tesla five years ago, and in five years, Tesla went from clean power to white power. Just like that. That's crazy. How do you hate people but love the environment? That's like if the KKK was like, yo, we not burning no more crosses. We LED light in them. You know? Strobe effect. We ride at dawn. We're solar powered. I don't know, man. I think everything a little racist because I'm from Virginia. You know, Virginia's racist. Like, we don't have sports teams. We got to support the D.C. teams. I didn't even know the football team's name was racist until the first game I went to.

1:54:39It was the Cowboys versus the Redskins on Thanksgiving.

1:54:48That's not a game. That's a reenactment. That's like if they had a team called the Cops and they played the niggers.

1:55:03On Juneteenth.

1:55:08Brian Redban:Absolutely fantastic. Freddie Dulesi. This is your first time on the show, Freddie? Yes, sir. Welcome, welcome. You live in Virginia still? No, I live in Austin now. How long ago did you move here? About an hour and a half. A year and a half. Hour and a half? About an hour and a half, Tony. I just got here. Wild success for an hour and a half. Yeah, you know, I try my best. I love it. What do you do for work? I'm a sign language interpreter. Really? Are you a real one, or are you like those fake ones that get caught and get in trouble? I'm a real one. I'm a real one. Really? Do something in front of D Madness.

1:55:40Brian Redban:D, tell me what he's signing to. Oh, wait. Oh, I think I got it backwards. A little backwards. I love it D's back here talking to me. Shut the fuck up, motherfucker. You know I can't see that shit. I love it. Freddie, do you get a lot of work doing that? Doing what, sign language? Yeah. Yeah, not too bad. I do mostly, like, I interpret, like, phone calls for deaf people. Got it. So, yeah, that's most of my days. So, like, you are on the phone and the deaf person's sitting next to you. No, so a deaf person calls me on FaceTime and I like answer the phone and then I just call a hearing person for them.

1:56:19Okay, let's do it. Let's mimic a call. Let it ring one more time.

1:56:25Brian Redban:Hello? Are you?

1:56:33Brian Redban:Are you white or black? Oh, wait, they're not blind. I keep thinking that they're blind. They're not talking. What is wrong with my brain today? If that was the case, they would have called themselves. What the fuck is wrong with me? No, I'll tell you. It's like a woman will call or something, and she'll be like, hey, I'm calling the doctor's office. Set up an appointment for me. And she'll just be signing, and I'll be like, hey, yes, my name is Brittany Thompson. And then the receptionist will be like, you don't sound like Brittany Thompson. You sound like a man. And I'll be like, it's 2026. Tim Butterly.

1:57:11I am a man. I think Tony was kind of onto something, though. Is there... Do white people and black people do sign language a little bit differently?

1:57:20Brian Redban:Yeah. Black people are like, you need to have a blood transfusion. We need to go to your doctor's appointment on the motherfucking west side. Are white people, like, hitting the consonants hard and you guys are just, like, vibing with it? No, white people, they sign in public. Black people sign in private. What do you mean by that? It's dangerous if I'm just outside signing. That looks... It looks like I'm gangbanging. A lot. Very well. I love that. So let me ask you this. Every 30 seconds, does your smoke detector go like... It does. I love it. We need to find a smoke detector sponsor at this point, because we are just crushing.

1:58:10Where are you, First Alarm?

1:58:12Brian Redban:Yeah, First Alarm. Get in the podcast game. It's the only thing in entertainment people are actually still watching or listening to. Shout out First Alarm. Use the promo code KILTONY just to let them know we exist. All right. Freddie, what do you do for fun? Oh, you did hear that. I did hear that. Is there a sign for the word beep? Beep? Yeah. No, just like beep or something like that. What's the craziest? What is the most shocking sign language thing? Like I once did a show where there was a sign language person and I said, it was a white woman and I put her on the spot and I said white penis and she was like, I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was a thing, right?

1:58:55Brian Redban:And then I go black penis and then it was longer. Yeah. It's like white penis. Yeah. Black penis. Yeah. You know, something like that. How about for the word enema? Enema? Yeah. What the fuck is that? That sounds like some gay shit. I'm not even going to lie. What the fuck is the enema? Your instincts are not that far off. Do you have a dick on your forehead right now? That's absolutely insane right now. Yeah. I've been getting a lot of comments on my forehead tattoo today. Yeah. A lot of compliments. Tim Butterly. You really don't know what an anima is? No, explain it to me. Okay, it's like a...

1:59:38You lost me. You stick it up the butt, and you squeeze it, and you fill your butt up with water so you can blast out everything out of your butt. Why the fuck would I know what that is? Bro, he made$20 million on there.

1:59:57Okay. Show some respect. Can you sign this? Okay, what you want? You stick it up your butt. Nope, not doing it. I'm not doing it. I can't do it. I can't do it. You're making doctor's appointments. You might have to know this stuff.

2:00:11Brian Redban:Yeah, but mostly for, like, STDs and shit like that. Really? You specialize in making calls for STDs? Can you explain yourself? Well, I have herpes. I can't even laugh at that. I get paid from them. So, uh... No, like, one... I mean, it's tough. Like, you never know what you're going to interpret. Like, one time I had to interpret, like, a doctor's office, and there was a deaf doctor, and there was a hearing patient, and the lady was, like, signing to me outside. She's like, hey, it's gonna be quick, 10, 15 minutes, but heads up, you gotta tell this person he has cancer. Oh, my God. And I'm looking at her like, we ain't telling him shit.

2:00:49You know what I mean? Like, you went to school to learn how to tell someone they have cancer. I went to school for, like, two years. You know, like, best I could do is chlamydia. You know, that's the best I could do. So you didn't tell the guy that he has cancer? No, I just let him die. Perfect. I didn't give him cancer, man. That was his plan, you know, his destiny. You didn't even give him like a...

2:01:16Brian Redban:I was just like... Yeah, that's it. No good. Wow. Tim Butterly. Well, I don't want to ask this one a lot, but... Oh, this is going to... Does sign language have the N-word? Oh. Great question. It has the N-word. I sign it all the time. We'll blur it out, but can you show us? I can't. There's too many white people in here. Come on. I can't tell it. Come on. You ever been beat up by deaf people? They got the strongest hands you've ever seen, bro. All they do is practice hand muscle strength and shit. I can't. You're trying to get me fucked up. $100 to show me the N-word in sign language. Venmo me right now.

2:01:58Send it right now. Send it right now. All right. All right. Don't do it. What the fuck is rock?

2:02:06Brian Redban:Matt, shut the fuck up. Don't do it. You know how many talented black guitarists there are waiting to take your spot, Matt? Shut the fuck up. Don't do it. Don't do it. Well, you have a choice to make here. Well, you know what? There's the thing. There's the thing. Deaf people fuck with comedy. They fuck with the show. So they got to even sign for Tony and shit like that. They got to sign for that. Oh, I know what that is.

2:02:42Brian Redban:Tim Butterly. Catch Tim Butterly as the new guitar player on Kill Tony starting next week. I'll be in Dayton, Ohio sometime in March. He's going to be in Dayton with us. What the fuck was it? I don't know. cockroach or something. Seriously, we gotta know. What's the sign for the N-word? Are you ready? No one wants it more than the lighting guy, obviously. This guy, he's been putting that spotlight on you. He's back there. He's got it dialed in. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the N-word. We are about to change the world, by the way. Are you ready? When this episode comes out. Are you ready? We are about to, just when you thought there was less racism than ever, white people are about to learn a way to call people the N-word without them knowing.

2:03:39Brian Redban:And here we go. The man that changed the game. The Booker T. Washington, if you will, of signing the N-word. Some people are calling him the Barack Hussein Obama of the sign language world. Breaking down barriers, hope, and change. This is the N-word. Such a nice

2:04:13Brian Redban:Hilarious.

2:04:16Brian Redban:We have any big joke books back there? Yeah, we have big joke books out back. We've run out of them here today, but Freddie Dulesi. Unbelievable. Freddie Dulesi. Freddie Dulesi. What the fuck is a Dulesi? What is that? Well, you put an I at the end of your name. No, it's not an I. It's an exclamation point. It's an exclamation point with the dot touching the line, by the way. The dot is on the top for an I. The dot's at the bottom. You're so used to signing, you don't know how to write anything. Incredible. What the fuck's a Dulesi? I know. I was expecting a fucking Italian guy to come out. What do you want?

2:04:54Brian Redban:I can see why your last name is Dulesi, by the way. I do it. I do too much. You know what it is. You know how it go. A great set. Fun times. Unbelievable interview. Thank you so much. Freddie, do less.

2:05:11Brian Redban:All right. Final bucket pool of the night. We are running deep into overtime, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to do a quick set and a quick interview with Kendall Jr. To close the bucket portion of the night, Kendall Jr.

2:05:26You all remember the first time you heard a black British guy talk? It's like, you're not supposed to sound like that.

2:05:39Unrelated.

2:05:43But you ever see a girl a little too close with her dog? And think, God, I hope I ain't fucking. That's all I got to say. meth heads though you know i'm thinking they probably do have the best pullout game because of all that copper wiring but when a meth head has found the one and she's got one of those copper iuds they cannot help themselves

2:06:17And someone wants to be a father. No, I did know a girl once. She had so many abortions. She didn't even have a landing strip. It was just a Gaza strip.

2:06:35Brian Redban:Kendall. Kendall, Kendall. You've been on this show before, right? Yes, once. What did we find out about you in the interview portion that I found interesting about you? That I was once a super fat heroin addict. Okay. Yeah. Is there anything that's changed since your last time on this show? I gained five pounds. It's a mess. No, there's nothing. I got in a... Like, my car got, like, rammed into. It was crazy outside of my house. I had to get a new one. Who rammed into you? It was a drunk guy outside of my house. Just rammed into it. It was crazy. I was almost getting into it with my girlfriend, so it was, like, a whole thing.

2:07:11You were getting into... Yeah, like we were about to leave, like at 7. It happened right at 7. I was supposed to get out of there. I had back surgery like crazy before, so it would have sucked because I would have like needed another one.

2:07:22Brian Redban:But it didn't happen. I'll tell you this, man. You have great premises, and you don't finish them. Black British guy, you're not supposed to talk like that in other news. And it's like you should have – you have great setups. The copper with the meth head. You think when they find an IUD, you have this thing where you have great ideas and you're not finishing them. You're taking what would be the note in the book that you write, like a set list, and you're just saying the thing. And then you're moving on. Does this make sense? No, I can understand. I follow you. I was ready for the meth head pulling out to be hilarious.

2:08:01Brian Redban:Yeah. And the same with the black British guy. There's so much there to draw from. Yeah, yeah, no, I understand. But you're doing what you did with your premises, what you did with meth, and you're just quitting. What I think is you should just keep going. Yes. Here's a little joke book, buddy. We've got to keep it moving. Thank you. It's been a very long episode, because it's been a very, very fun episode. And we started with William Montgomery. We had Dedrick Flynn. Ari Maddy is doing so many sold-out shows on the road that he's adding Monday headlining shows in different cities. It's unheard of.

2:08:41Brian Redban:We've created so many monsters that they're not even available for the show anymore on a Monday, which has never happened before in the show's history. However, I do have one last trick up my sleeve, one very, very special moment, because your next comedian is very rarely available. He's not one of those guys that does every single week. He is as special as it gets. An anomaly. In fact, the only person ever, ever on the show in which I let him do whatever he wants. To be quite honest with you, he scares me. I'm intimidated by him. And I hope that one day he lets me open up for him in the arenas that I already do.

2:09:28Brian Redban:Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a force of nature unlike anything we've ever seen before in this show's 13-year history. Ladies and gentlemen, dare I say, this is Timmy No Breaks!

2:09:52What's up? My name is Timmy No Breaks and welcome to Timmy Ass.

2:10:03You gotta... Jesus fucking Christ. This guy won't let people say the M word or play the fucking guitar. This is insane.

2:10:16Okay. On my neck is a shock collar.

2:10:23And in my hand is the remote. If you press this orange button, it will shock me. Now, if I bomb, one of you guys will get to shock me. I won't bomb because I don't bomb. But this, this is the bomb shot collar. This is fucking terrible. Now, because this is a dog collar, I will give it to this lesbian bitch.

2:10:56Jesus Christ. No, you can't. Start the timer, Red Band.

2:11:08Did you guys see during the Olympics how that girl, Lindsey Vonn, broke up? What the fuck are you doing, you dumb whore? I'm in the setup. Wait for the punch. Fuck.

2:11:21Brian Redban:Hold it up. Lady, hold it up a little bit so that we can see it. There you go. And keep... Not that high. Tone, this is an uninterrupted minute. I know. Shut the fuck up. I know. Just keep it there so that we can see when you do it. This is showbiz, lady. Take it from the top. Here we go. And action. Did you guys shut the fuck up Matt? I'm trying to do the minute. It doesn't even sound like the fucking thing. I'm about to say the N word if you do it again. I'm gonna fucking freak out.

2:11:55Okay, start the timer now Red Band, here we go. Did you guys see the Olympics, how that skier, Lindsey Vonn, broke a leg, you know? Sad. You know where that wouldn't have happened? The kitchen. Boom. Fuck you. What the fuck are you doing? I did that. Relax. Relax. Relax. I'm gonna be honest. I love the Women's Olympics. I do. Yeah, I do. I think every woman's sport should only be televised once every four years. Suck a dick. Boom!

2:12:38What the fuck, you fucking bitch?

2:12:45Guys, everybody, give it up for the women's hockey team. They won gold.

2:12:53Yeah, finally a positive video featuring white woman and ice. Take that, you lesbian. boom fuck murk ya alright one more I love the WNBA I do, I really do, I'm serious yeah I mean it's lame that they can't dunk, you know it's just a bunch of twos and threes they're ugly boom, fuck

2:13:30alright Okay, relax. You gotta fucking relax a little bit. Colin? Wow. Does this guy have a dick on his forehead? These are getting big pops.

2:13:45Brian Redban:Is she really hitting it? Yes. Why are you hitting it so much? This lady's having the time of her life. She has waited what appears to be 45 years to have this kind of control over a man. This is incredible. We may have solved how to fix every blue-haired woman in America. Give them one day the man in a shock collar. Unlimited power. Who is this guy? No, I'm serious. I know Tim, but who the fuck is this guy? You don't know who you are? You mean you're just paying jackass homage? I don't understand. What's jackass? Shock this motherfucker. No, no, no. Hold it down. Stop, stop. That thing's not working.

2:14:32Brian Redban:Stop, stop. We need to turn it up. Is there a dial on that? Is that what he taped over? Take the tape off. My name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is the copyright infringement. On the count of three, the band will play Limp Bizkit's Nookie, and this entire episode will be demonetized. Three, two, one, go. What the fuck?

2:15:00Okay, he's trying. Oh, fuck! I turned it up to 10. Don't do that! Stop, stop, stop! I'm not bobbing. I'm not bobbing. There's tape on the side of the thing. Hold on. It goes up to 15. Stop! Oh, why did you do this, you stupid bitch? You fucking cunt. Why did you do this? Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. It's fine. All right? If I bob. I'll give it to you.

2:15:30Brian Redban:I'll give it to the guy you don't know. He won't do anything wrong at all. Okay. All right. Okay. All right. Everybody, everybody fucking relax. Okay, everybody fucking relax. All right? I mean, just do my next segment, all right? Fifteen seems like a lot. I don't shut the fuck up. You're not in control anymore. This was never supposed to go past six. Hi. My name's Timmy No... I'm so scared right now. Hi, my name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is the taste test. Heidi... Oh, my God. Inside of that cup is three real, actual, fluid ounces of horse cum from a man. Tone, your challenge... Okay. ...is to not drink it.

2:16:32Redman, put 30 seconds on the clock. Let's get a spotlight on Pone and some dramatic music.

2:16:44Brian Redban:What the fuck is this? It's horse cum. He's picking it up to drink it. It really looks like... It's very thick. Don't act like you don't know exactly what that is. Stevo, is that horse cum? There's a horse pubic hair in it.

2:17:12Brian Redban:I'm gonna fucking throw up, dude. Don't do it! Don't do it! You don't have to drink it. Just keep it there. Okay. We'll go to the next segment. Okay, let's do the next segment. Go back to Stevo. Here, let's just slide it here. You had a bunch of cum before this and you're full. I told you not to. I told you not to. He had cum. He's full. I understand. I get it. Son of a bitch. I get it. I get it. Okay, I got one backup. I got one more. Okay. 15. Hurt. Stop, stop, stop, stop. I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going after this show. We're going to go to Mitzi's bar and I'm going to punch you in the dick so hard that it falls off and none of the gay guys are going to be able to suck it anymore.

2:17:53That's what's going to happen. Okay, it's fine. It's fine. Hi, my name is Timmy No Breaks, and this is trivia for retards. If you get the question wrong, and these are fifth grade level questions, you have to take a sip of Tone's tap water. Tone, you have to continue to not drink the horse cum if you get it wrong. But we're going to up the stakes. Heidi.

2:18:25Give it up for Heidi, everybody. That's... All right. There's no way Tone is going to be able to resist that horse come now. I know he's going to reach over and do it.

2:18:35Brian Redban:Wait a second. Shut the fuck up, Tone. I'm moving on to the questions, okay? All right. Steve-O, let's start with you. Tone's tap water was created by A, Tone Hinchcliffe, B, Tone the Tiger, or C, Liquid Death. A. I'm going to go with A. You do not have to drink that water. Next question is for you, Tim. In a 2025 double-blind peer-reviewed study conducted by independent researchers, what was found in Tone's tap water? Was it A, mercury, B, lead, C, arsenic, D, teflon, E, Zyklon B, F, Zyrtec, G, MSG, H, blue chew, I, horse cum, or J, all of the above. J,

2:19:35all of the above. Nailed it, and you didn't have to drink that fucking piece of shit. Okay, Red Band, for you. Where is Tone's tap water sourced? Is it A, Flint, Michigan, or... or B, all the above? All the above. You don't have to drink Tone's tap water. Last question, Tone. This is for you. Who flew on Epstein's private jet eight times? Was it A, Barack Obama, B, George Bush, or C, Donald Trump?

2:20:09Brian Redban:I have to buzz in for the answer. Okay, all right. Okay, all right, all right. this I'm gonna leave right here and I'm leaving right now fuck you fuck Timmy no breaks ladies and gentlemen

2:20:32Brian Redban:I bet 16 hurts this episode was brought to you by Tacofas and Express VBN how loud can this place get for the great Steve-O go to stevo.com he's all All over the country, all over the world, the Crash and Burn Tour, he's the fucking man. One more time for the great Tim Butterly, everybody. TimButterly.com for tickets. Columbus, Dayton, Boston, Tacoma, May 23rd here in Austin, Texas. Thank you very much, Tony. Hell yeah. Amazing. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Tony. Of course, Steve-O, anytime. You guys are always part of the family. Red Band? Check out the Sunset Strip ATX.com every Thursday secret show.

2:21:16Brian Redban:The drawing from Ryan J. Belt is in. We're at the Intuit Dome in L.A. We're doing a lot of crazy shit. You're going to find out all about it. New York, Vegas, a bunch of crazy announcements coming up that I'm accidentally leaking right now. Let's see what Chris Rogers drew over there. Whoa, Steve-O! I guess he didn't add the hair yet. Unbelievable. Where's the dick on my forehead?

2:21:44Brian Redban:What the hell was I gonna say? Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum. Drink the cum.

2:22:00Brian Redban:We love you guys. Thank you so much. Make sure you follow the band. Follow Bones Eye. Go to killmerch.com. A lot of brand new merch. State of the art stuff. You're absolutely gonna love it. we love you guys. Thank you so much. Good night, everybody.

2:22:20Good night.

2:22:55We'll be right back.

2:23:15Wide awake in her whiskey hole

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2:25:32You