#761 - KIM CONGDON + ADAM RAY

19:28Brian Redban:What made you move to Florida? My job, yeah. I was living in a retirement community. Wow. The weather was great. It was in the 70s, just like the people. Yep, I saw that one coming. Are we on a hidden camera show right now? The way you're launching into bits is amazing. Impractical, no jokers. I was like, I can't just get freaking roasted the whole time. Yeah, I like it. You're on the aggression. You're doing perfect, Max. Max, what's your ethnicity? What is a Wissinger? I'm about to go into another bit. Well, if you say that beforehand, it's very hard to do. I'm half Mexican and I'm half German.

20:09Uh-huh.

20:10Brian Redban:Go ahead. My Mexican half likes to cook spicy. Your other half likes to cook Jews. No. Hey. Did I accidentally write a better joke than you had? Yeah. It's okay. This round goes to Tony. What was yours? I like to, my German half Okay, so my Mexican half likes to cook spicy My German half likes to turn That bathroom into a gas chamber Yep, you should take my My way What the fuck was That was the most un-Holocaust noise I've ever heard That's the sound of What happens when your blood stops flowing You did Alright, here you go Max There you go, buddy. Bing-bong. Good job, Joe. Max Wissinger has begun the bucket portion of the show.

21:04Brian Redban:We're gonna keep it moving along. There he goes. There goes Max everybody. Luckily too far away for Adam's favorite handshakes over your old handshakes. Oh my god! Jesus Christ Almighty. The thoughts that go through my head when Heidi's on stage. It's unbelievable. Oh, Jesus Christ. It's hotter here. The old Houston butter cakes. How about a hand for Heidi, everybody? It's real. It's real. This podcast is sponsored by Tecova's. Anywhere worth going is worth going in good boots. Find your perfect pair with Tecova's. Tecova's crafts quality Western boots for everyone, from generational ranchers and lifelong cowboys to first-time boot buyers.

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24:04Brian Redban:Expressvpn.com slash killtony. All right. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Jake McFarlane. Let's see what happens here. We're gonna meet Jake. Put your hands together for Jake everybody Jake McFarlane

24:23Hey sugar land

24:28I Just want to start this by saying I'm five years sober and clean

24:37from white pussy. Yeah. Wasn't a hard choice. White pussy tastes like nickels. Yeah, it does. That's true. Yeah. It's February, baby! Yeah, not a lot of black people in here. That's crazy. Yeah, it's February, and as a black man, I, uh... I'm just gonna tell you, as a black man, I'm doing my part. Yeah. I'm out there doing it. Yeah. I've been eating black pussy. Yeah. And I was actually recently eating some black pussy just a couple days ago. And I was down there in them thick thighs. You know how it is. And I was down there doing my thing. You know? Hey. But I was running out of air quick, all right?

25:27I come up for air. I go, ah! She grabs me by the back of the head and goes, no, reparations, bitch. I was like, oh, fucking, oh, motherfucker. Ratatatata. Yeah. I, uh...

25:40Brian Redban:All right. He's gone his full length of time. Hi, Colin. How are you? When you're eating pussy, are you just making noises inside of a pussy? Grab that mic, Colin. I'm making a lot of noise. Yeah. I thought it was her gun. She was holding it to my head. That's true. Yeah. Are you really eating black pussy? Every chance I get. I mean, I'm telling you, when I get done with this, I'm sure there's gonna be a line of them. So, you know, I'm looking forward to that. I have a question. Yeah. Go ahead. If white pussy tastes like nickels, what does black pussy taste like? Like cocoa butter and original wings.

26:25Follow-up question. Hi, Adam Ray from comedy. Yeah. I think I recognize you. Thank you. And a very good rat-tat-tat to you. What about Asian or Jewish pussy? I think if you like Asian women, you're secretly gay. And I don't know, let's play a game. I'll pull up a bunch of trannies from Asia and then just regular Asian women and we'll find out who's hot and who's not. All right, let's do it, come on. I'm just saying, I think we know what's gonna happen. Your boyfriend's gonna look gay, okay? So. Stand on that red circle for me there. Is this where the anvil is? Fuck. The anvil from Looney Tunes?

27:06Brian Redban:All right, you're cool. Let me ask you something, Jake. Where are you meeting these black women whose pussy you're eating? Anywhere I can. But like, give us an example of where it's actually happening. I, uh, man, I do a lot of, so like, I'm a black comedian. Okay, why do you keep saying that? I am. I'm a black comedian. I was banned from all white comedy rooms until like six months ago. Why? He's a ginger. I am a ginger. Man, you really want to know? No, we're all right. Jake, I'm asking you, dude. Yes, I really want to know. We're on a live show. I don't know if you know that. There's 7 ,000 people out there, Jake.

27:45Brian Redban:I do really want to know the answer to the question that the host of the show just asked to stand in the middle of the red circle, Jake. I'll keep it real. I'll keep it real. I'm going to stay right here. The middle of the red circle. Middle, middle. There you go. Just stay there. OK, that's the target. OK. Black people love to run. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not that black. I honestly, I pulled a gun on a guy. OK, tell us more about that, Jim. Yeah, OK. So I was at a comedy show. It was a black comedy show. Y 'all don't have those in Austin. But in Houston, it's when you go to a place and everyone's black.

28:22Brian Redban:You know what I mean? Just pure. We all did comedy in L.A. for a couple decades. Right, okay, so you do. Okay, yes. And I was about to leave, but one of my buddies who had went on the show, he actually didn't get on the show. He got snuffed by another comedian. He started crying. He got a little drunk, threw a fit, walked out. And I was like, well, fuck him, right? But then I thought, you know what, I better smooth it over with the host. So I walk up to the host but I left my keys in my trucks were out in the parking lot this time by the way I want to prep this preface system by saying I was at Carrington's if you know what Carrington's is That's the hood Jesus fucking Christ.

29:03Brian Redban:That's the fucking hood. Come on get to the point of the story Jake Anyway, my bad, my bad. I'm wasting time. I'm wasting time. This story better end with a ratatatata A different kind. Yeah, okay, so get to the fucking story Jake Do you really want to know? Do you really want me to be honest about what happened? All right, here we go. Come on. So I was out in the parking lot talking with the comedian and the host, and another comedian started talking shit, and I told him that he's being disrespectful, and he said, what are you going to do about it? And I said, take them glasses off. And he walked around his car, and I said, are we fighting or what?

29:41And he said, no, I'm just going to shoot your ass. I'm just going to kill your ass. This is the hood. This is the streets. It was a black guy? It was a black guy. Right. Which is crazy because when I pulled a gun on him and told him to take his hands out of the trunk after he popped the trunk to grab a gun, he closed the trunk. Damn.

30:01Brian Redban:They don't like it when black people get their guns pulled on them, I guess. I mean, your story takes forever. This is like how hard it is for a woman to come. Basically. It's incredible. Thank you, ladies. Wow. The moral of the story is... The moral of the story is... There's a moral? All right, go ahead. I put my gun back in the trunk after he... or the car after he closed the trunk, and he said he's calling the police. So I was like, okay, well, fucking Jesus, I thought I was black, but, you know, apparently he's not. This thing where you keep calling yourself black. I'm ginger, what are you talking about?

30:37I'm light-skinned. Why do you keep saying that? I got black... Hey, I could call, man, I could call my black friends right now. Do you say the word? No, no, I don't say the word. Then you're not black. No, no.

30:50Brian Redban:What do you do for work? I'm a handyman. You're a handyman? Yep. What exactly do you specialize in? Woodwork and stuff like that. Ah, well, maybe you are black because they would work if they could work. See what I did there? Yeah. It doesn't make sense, but... My black friends call me Jigaboo Jake, actually. Okay. All right. Okay, well. Since you're so black, guess what? You're leaving with a little black joke book. Jake McFarlane, everybody. Oh, can't catch. Not black. Not black. Not black. Not black. Not black. Not black. Not black.

31:32Brian Redban:All right. Here to clean the slate. Oh, my goodness gracious. That's right. Since it's a road show, the great Valerie Vaughn is here. everybody put your hands together for valerie she attends and works with us on every single non-austin and sometimes in austin but always on the road show we have another houston golden ticket winner ladies and gentlemen can you believe it make some noise for him here with a brand new minute it's colin sledge everybody you know him a brand new minute from houston's own Colin Sledge.

32:15Okay, thank you.

32:19You know, so God gave us two ears and one mouth because they're supposed to listen twice as much as we talk. But he also gave us ten fingers, so we're supposed to be finger-blasting like all the time.

32:41Um... Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, I always tell girls, you should never fake an orgasm with me, you know. Because I don't care.

33:03Um... I found out women are supposed to pee after sex to prevent a UTI every time. But I always tell them, just to be safe, you should pee during sex.

33:16I'm into that, hell yeah.

33:22My parents are here, by the way. Can I do one more joke? Okay. My girlfriend says I don't make enough eye contact during sex. It's not even true I make a lot of eye contact during sex it's just with myself in the mirror not like a narcissistic way I just like to pretend I'm getting cucked by my

33:46Brian Redban:evil twin Wow Colin Sledge in front of the hometown crowd that is what every comedian hopes to do amazing Colin fucking hilarious as always thank you What do you think your parents think about that set? They've seen it before, probably Oh, nice I love it I love it Tell us, what part of Houston are you from? I'm from Northwest Houston by the Heights Ooh Northwest Houston Say the N-word there, you might get in trouble Yes Different than Southwest Uh-huh Uh-huh I feel like I would get in trouble anywhere if I said it. No, yeah, you definitely would. White people would beat you up if you said it. Yeah.

34:41Brian Redban:Colin, tell us about your experiences here in Houston, Texas. You ever, what else might people know you from? Did you ever have jobs here? Well, I used to work at the Galleria. Ooh, what did you do at the Galleria? I worked at Express, you know. Express Galleria. Go ahead, Redman, whatever you're trying to do. He's got nothing. And then I worked at Willowbrook. Ooh, where? Willowbrook. It's like further northwest. It's kind of ghetto. Was that the express at Willowbrook? Yeah, they moved me over there. Wow. They didn't like that. Look at you, transfer express employee. Yeah. Worked for Lex Wexner, who was on the Epstein Files.

35:25Oh, yes. Yes, he was. I never met him personally, but he did exploit my labor. Amazing.

35:31Brian Redban:I can't believe he didn't show up to one of his many locations in Willowbrook. Yeah, Willowbrook, like, there would be, like, stabbings every week at Willowbrook. And we would be, like, the only store that didn't even close. Right. Because white people need their skinny jeans. Exactly. Well... I love it. I love it, Colin. What else is going on in life? I went shooting with Hongz Kim and Dusty and Sportsman's Finest and stuff. How was that? It was fun. everyone was very nice, especially when I had a gun. I never shot a fully automatic weapon before, and they just gave me, like, an energy drink.

36:12And they were like, you're our friend, right?

36:16Brian Redban:Welcome to Texas. I love it. I think they're hooking Kim up with a gun maybe at some point. They are. Yeah. And I have one already. Yes, she already has one. If there's any stalkers out there watching or listening to the show, I'm also a victim of that, because it used to be if you search creepy Kill Tony guy, I would come up. To be honest, I'm on edge right now, and when he came out, I was like, whoa. But you look like a nice stalker, like you'd just stroke someone's cheek or something. Yeah. I would roofie a girl, but I would just hold her hand the whole time. So sweet. Yeah, you look like when you eat black pussy, you'd blow on it instead of going rat-tat-tat-tat-tat.

36:56It's too hot for him. Yeah. Too hot, yeah. Cool it down. Jesus. It's all this hot pussy. It's in his mouth like an airplane.

37:06Brian Redban:Have you ever been with a black woman, Colin? No. Oh, jeez. Bring her out! Bring her out! She comes. Everybody. Thought we had one ready. Wow. Why do you think you've never been with a black woman? All the time here in Houston, a large populace of those people. It was... I wasn't always good looking. I used to be, yeah. Oh, my God. Men are so confident. I mean, when he first got on the show, his hair looked different. Ever since he's been dating his girl, look at this hair he has right now. Yeah, she started taking care of me. I'm like a stray cat. That makes sense. How else has your girlfriend changed you?

37:47Brian Redban:Is there anything else? You've been trimming your pubes and whatnot? No, she prefers that I don't do that. Ooh. Is there any other changes that she's made to you, though? You know, people used to say, girls like a neat place. You know, gotta be very clean. And since I've had a girl, my place has never been messier in my entire life. So, yeah. They leave their stuff. So I used to be very organized, and now I'm not so much. Right. But it's worth it. Yeah, yeah, I think so. On balance. You get to dump loads. Well, vasectomy hasn't happened yet, but it's on the way. The what? The vasectomy. Oh. Yeah.

38:29I'm working on it. So I tried to, you know, I talked to the doctor, and he didn't want to do it on me because I didn't have kids. But I don't want to have kids just to get a vasectomy. And so I said, I'll go visit my niece in Honduras, my brother had a baby, and then I'll come back. If I still want a vasectomy, will you give it to me? And he said yes, and then I did that, and then I came back, and I called him, and he retired. so I'm sort of back to square one but it's it's in the works call me insane but I feel like you don't have to go to Honduras to get a vasectomy like you could just find a different doctor you can do it in Red Band VR world I love it do you do drugs I do I just take weed gummies you look like you sell mushrooms to Scooby and the gang that's my girlfriend's influence on me yeah Colin

39:20Brian Redban:you were absolutely hilarious tonight. Congratulations, hometown crowd in front of your parents. You did it. We're getting back to the bucket. One more time for Colin Sledge, everybody. And back to it we go, ladies and gentlemen. Let me interrupt your podcast to pitch you on another podcast. I'm Wutak, one of the hosts of Above the Influence Show, the evolution of the notorious under the influence show. And to put it simply, we are three guys at very different stages of life, navigating self-improvement and sharing it with you in real time in ways that you can laugh at. Me, Wootalk, I'm 30 and a college dropout, juvenile delinquent turned CEO of Super Bonsai, an eight-figure-a-year supplement brand, as well as a social media personality with millions of followers across platforms.

40:04I am BitTrap. I am 26 years old, unemployed influencer who went viral for his mugshot back in 2020 and is adapting to regular life from his traumatic hoodlum origins. And I'm Ian, a 24-year-old real-life Spongebob who has never done an ounce of trauma in my life. So we like to discuss business, dating, religion, substances, and trauma. If you want relatable content you can learn from, subscribe to Above the Influence Show for free on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you're listening. Thanks for letting me interrupt. Now back to the show. I'm not a lawyer. And neither am I. But this is The Debrief.

40:39A podcast where we catch you up on the latest legal drama. Whether it's a real housewife caught in a lawsuit, a reality scandal making headlines, or a trial the whole country is talking about. We break it down in plain English with facts, commentary, and even reactions from our audience. No law degree required. Just your love for pop culture, courtroom tea, and a little bit of drama. So join me, Melanie, a.k.a. I'm Not a Lawyer But. And me, Goose Bear, your host, bringing you all the courtroom chaos. So grab a drink, settle in and join us every single Friday for The Debrief. Available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcast.

41:19Brian Redban:Your next comedian is Brandon Brown. We're going to meet Brandon Brown all together now. Put your hands together for Brandon, everybody. These people wait their whole lives for a moment like this. Holy shit. We're doing it. Mr. Henschliff, I got to tell you, I'm a big ass fan. You too, Adam Ray. Me and my wife, we're such big fans of Kill Tony that we role-play Kill Tony in the bedroom, right? So sometimes, like, I'll be hitting it from the back, and I'm like, oh, yeah. We're really doing it, baby. We're really doing it. And then sometimes I like to pretend I'm one of the black guys that get on Kill Tony.

42:04I'm like, oh, yeah. We're really doing it, baby. But my favorite people who come on Kill Tony are the Asians, right? So sometimes I'll be back there going, oh, yeah, we really going there, baby. Right? Oh, man. But it goes both ways, right? So sometimes because she's like, I want to be Tony. I'm like, all right, you can be Tony. So I'll be eating her pussy, right? And then she'll go, we've done this a thousand times. You still can't hit the fucking buttons, right? Like, what the fuck? I've known you for 10 fucking years, and you still can't get it fucking right? Everybody, I'm Brandon Brown, and that's my time.

42:53Brian Redban:We really doing it, baby. Look at this guy. Are you pointing at your girl out there? Yes. Where's she at? Hey, we pay big money. We're right in the front row. I love it. I love it. How do you get big money? What do you do for work, Brandon Brown? I'm an insurance broker. I love it. Amazing. How long you been doing that for? I've done it for about four years now. You are one of the buffest insurance brokers I've ever seen before. It's incredible. Thank you. Do you repo insurance? What's going on? Now I say, you gonna get some protection for your fucking family or what? Yes. Sometimes it works. Amazing.

43:33You look like Rogan if he stopped doing the podcast.

43:37Brian Redban:That's a compliment. I appreciate you. It is, man. You're a tired Rogan. You do. You really do. We're really doing it, baby. Have you, uh, so you, how long did you practice that set a lot? I came up with that at 3.43 this morning. No one's going to dispute that. Yeah. I was so excited. I was actually, so what's funny is I knew you were going to be here. We have a little connection, you and I. Oh, go ahead. Ooh. Ooh, now you have a stalker. No, no, no. So me and the wife spent a couple of your shows. Oh, yeah. And, you know, so when you were doing Dr. Phil, we'd come see you at Dr. Phil. We loved you in Dr.

44:16Phil. I appreciate it. And I sent you a Facebook message late one night, high as fuck. Sure. And, um... I tried to respond to everybody. Did I get back to you? So, because me and my girl were like, I was like, I wonder if we can get married on Dr. Phil. And you and I went back and forth in a shit ton of messages, and then my Facebook got hacked. and I could never get a hold of you again. And, like, we were, like, you're just like, I'm ordained, like, yeah, let's do this shit. Yeah, look it up, Brandon Brown, in your phone. I'll take your word for it, player, but, uh... Don't tell me how to live my life after you dry hump the fucking stage.

44:52No, that's enough. No, stop it. You're gonna have nightmares. Wait, so, but you guys got married.

44:58Brian Redban:Yes, we did, without you. Where'd you get married at? We did at the courthouse. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And how many times have you beaten your wife since you got married? Um, you know, it depends when the trend starts to kick in. I don't really remember, but, you know. What does she do for a living? She is a nurse. Okay. You guys have kids? No, we do not. Are you finishing inside of her? Oh, every time. I got a bad back, so I got a weak-ass pool game. Like, when I did this, like, there's a reason why God didn't make me black. Yeah. How many times do you make her meow in bed? Oh, I'm very good at that.

45:37Brian Redban:Yeah. Very good. Yeah. Do you have any special moves in the bedroom in real life? Are you usually on bottom because of your bad back? No, um, you know, man, she's going to kick my ass for I'm saying this. It's the good parts. These are the good parts. So I got very extremely lucky and I got hurt in Afghanistan. I took an armored plate to the left side of the dick bag. Hell yeah. So, like, my dick gets hard, and, like, I can go forever because I have limited feeling, right? Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I normally just go until she gets tired. And then I'm like, woo-hoo! Or sometimes I hit her with a, yippee!

46:14Brian Redban:But that's only when I'm Tony. That's incredible. Do you finish? Do you cum? Yeah, I still cum. How do you cum if you don't have a feeling? It's only on, like, the left side. Like, my dick has feeling, but, like, I have, like, half the feeling that I had before. So, like, I go three times longer. The question was, what's your favorite TV show? Yeah. I don't know how we got on this tangent. Dr. Phil Live. I love it. So Afghanistan, that was a, what was it? You rolled over a IED. We got hit by an IED. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Okay. Can you take us through that? What was that like? Is it traumatizing for you or?

46:57Not for me. A lot of people have different experiences in the military. I was very lucky. We were more on the attack side of things. So, like, we went out every day. We were part of an EOD group. And, like, it was just like, who's going to get blown up today? We'd laugh about it. As long as nobody died, like, it was just fun. It was just work. I miss it.

47:18Brian Redban:We love you. We love you for your service. Thank you. USA! USA! That's goddamn right. Greatest country on planet Earth. Amazing. Any other crazy stories from being on the other side of the planet? Oh, yeah. So my favorite is, right, this made me think of you, too. I did this at about 4.02 after I came up with my bit. So I was sitting there like, what the fuck am I going to tell, you know, Tony? Well, then I was like, Mr. Hinchcliffe, do I call him Tone? Like that one guy. So, like, I've been playing around when I'm just going to sit with Tony. The question was, what's your favorite food? Yeah, I'm getting around to it, right?

47:54So we would deal with a lot of people who blew their self up being on an EOD team and I had the magic ability I would always find the dick Like we'd be walking around looking for body parts and shit. I have that ability to It's okay for you to find dick. It's weird when I find it.

48:12Brian Redban:Yeah

48:17Brian Redban:Very antsy on I thought you'd like that, you know, that's probably something I haven't come so give us an example of You know, when people get blown up, yes, I find a lot of dicks. Do you do what I do when you find it and immediately just, oh? Yeah, I picked it up with two sticks and I chased people around with it. Ah, I love that. You touch them, you're gay. I love that.

48:39Brian Redban:Amazing, Brandon Brown. Well, so much fun. Congratulations. You got to do it. Thank you. Right in the heart of the show. Thank you. Here's a big joke book, man. You fucking did it, dude. Oh, another drop. The Houston droppers are legit here. Houston can't catch a fucking cold. It's amazing. Okay, your next bucket pool live in Houston, Texas goes by the name of Mackenzie Jewell, everybody. Here we go, Mackenzie Jewell. Here we go for Mackenzie, everybody. Hey, gang. Hell yeah. I'm gay and autistic, so technically I'm a double minority, but because I'm white it just levels out. You know what I mean?

49:29I'm bisexual, that kind of sucks. You know what I mean? Because I feel like bisexual is gayer than being gay. You know? Because when you're bi, that means that you like dick and pussy, right? so if you choose some dick over pussy that's gay that's really gay um but I'm autistic and bitches love the tism dick uh I'd be stimming in they shit you know I'm like damn bitch this is giving me a sensory overload right now I'm in whole I'm like so when you store your lurch files do you use Dropbox or OneDrive? You know? I'm really bad at Netflix and chilling because I always just want to pay attention to the movie, you know?

50:18I'm like, babe, stop sucking my dick. This is the scene where Michael Keaton becomes the founder.

50:29Brian Redban:Amazing set, Mackenzie Jewell, with a breakout performance. Welcome, Mackenzie. You're hilarious. How long you been doing stand-up? I'm coming up on my third year, April. Fuck yeah. All of it here in Houston? Yes, sir. I love it. What part of town do you live in? I'm over in Westchase right now, but I was on the show before, and I mentioned I grew up in the Fou Fou, Acres Homes. Okay. You're like if Mike Jones sucked on bones. Yeah. Hell yeah. Amazing. That's one of my favorite. You know, there's a lot of gay autistic comedians, but you came out with energy act outs you kept everybody's attention thank you guns a blazing absolutely incredible question for you are you the new blippy who's blippy that's what i asked myself just about i'm gen z but i don't you know i'm reformed from tick tock you know he's not autistic how old are you mckenzie i am 23 23 years old what are the kids up to nowadays i mean other than fucking anything that moves.

51:35All the ones I know just hang out and are sad at open mics and shit.

51:40Brian Redban:Yeah, yeah. What do you think is the most autistic thing about you? What's your specialty? Everybody has a thing. Some are good at chess. Some are good at numbers. This, that, and the next. Honestly, I feel like I got fucked on the autism thing. I feel like I'm just depressed, lazy autistic. What are the superpowers you were hoping to obtain? I don't know. being able to just have like one of those cool library brains that just knows a bunch of shit. I fried my brain on drugs but I'm better now. What kind of drugs? I was hella into coke. Really? Yeah. Adderall. I did DMT on stage one time. That's cute.

52:20Brian Redban:But the coke, I can't imagine. I've never seen like a nerdy coke head before. Just, yeah, you know. And I was and I wasn't cool. What were you doing? You would get drunk with your pals or whatever? Yeah, just doing open mics for three people and shit, you know? Wow. Mackenzie, I swear to God when you came out, I thought you were a woman. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. I'm still not sure. Can I? I actually, I lived as a woman for a year. I could tell. Let's get to a clip. That's not a joke. Yeah, no, I believe it. Yeah, she actually made a couple Netflix specials. That's Hannah Gadsby, everybody. Live, in the flesh.

53:02Brian Redban:Incredible. So tell us about living as a woman for you. By the way, I feel like this is every 23-year-old in the country right now. We're all going to die. Oh, the McChickens and shit got the fucking estrogen, you know? You got the estrogen? From the McChickens. What do you mean? I don't know. Quit trying to fix that. Give her some time. RFK. RFK joining us. and they make chicken report. Yeah, but no, I just, I had pink hair. I worked at a comic book store. I was the happiest I ever was, actually. When you were a woman. Tell us what you were doing to be a woman, though. You were putting on a dress, were you?

53:42Yeah, Hot Topic clearance sales. You were working at Hot Topic?

53:47Brian Redban:No, no, but I would buy from Hot Topic a lot. What would you buy exactly? Skirts and shit and cute little frog shirts and shit. Did you go by Mackenzie? Yeah, yeah, it's a cool thing. Gender neutral name, you know? Can we see your tits now that you're not a girl? No, Red Band. Red Band. See, you can't do that, because that's harassment. When you ask somebody that's sharing things with us to show us their tits, whether it's a boy or a girl, that's disrespectful, and it's unacceptable in today's normal society. Can we see your tits? Yeah. Whoa! Look at those! He's still a man, everybody. He kept the dude tits.

54:28Brian Redban:No double scars for this guy. What pulled you out of it? You know, I started taking edibles, and I just was on an edible, and I had this ego death that was insane, and I was like, wow, I'm kind of ugly as a woman. Yeah. That's amazing. I wish we could send that exact clip to every fucking half-gay kid around the world right now. Oh, no clapping! Yeah, no, it's good. It's good. We keep an open mind, but at the same time, it's just contaminating everybody. Tell us, how do you think you were led down that path? You have liberal parents? I mean, they kind of let me run for it. Yeah, you know, I was homeschooled.

55:11I never went to high school, but I have a diploma that says certified improv badass, so that's something.

55:19Brian Redban:Your parents made that for you? No, I did two years of improv for it, you know. Wow, that's the gayest thing about you. Yeah. Amazing. So what's your preference at the end of the day? You think you're 50-50 dudes and girls? Like, what kind of vibe are you? 75-25? I honestly, my track... What about pets? Pets. What do you mean with pets? You into animals. Not into, like, sexually? No. Because you're giving off ferret vibes. Yeah. I'm a meerkat. I'm a meerkat. AI told me I'm a meerkat. Oh my God, he now identifies as a meerkat. Yeah. Okay, let's go back to the question. Where are we at? 50-50? 50-50.

56:00Honestly, my track record is mostly women, but I have probably fooled around with two guys, and I've had one boyfriend.

56:07Brian Redban:Ooh. First of all, let's give credit to the loud what the fuck from the Houston man. Sounded like he drives a truck for a living. Let's put a spotlight on Harry Homophobe up there in the third balcony. He made it he made it all the way through until Mackenzie goes I had one boyfriend What the fuck? Better not have been in my neighborhood. I mean you can fuck them at all but Jesus Christ saying you're in a fucking Relationships days you keep that tism dick and that female haircut out of my cul-de-sac Where's my Burger King? What the fuck? I'm gonna have to drive to Southwest Houston and just scream the N-word in a field after this.

56:53Brian Redban:So tell us... You were a woman, and the gayest thing you said is that you had a boyfriend. Yeah. Tell us about his boyfriend. He actually came on the show one time. His name is Jackson Naimi. Nobody cares about that. Tell us about your boyfriend. That was him. It was fine. It was okay. I have a girlfriend now. I like it better. Tell us why you like it better. Um, well, something softer about women. It almost seems like that's what your biology wants, isn't it? Yeah, right. Wow. Wow, turns out we're all natural human animals. My goodness gracious. You almost said the first dick you ever, and then I cut you off.

57:35Brian Redban:Let's go back to that. The first dick I ever sucked was black. Ooh. Wasn't that a Judy Blume book? It was that ginger guy

57:50Brian Redban:Yeah Tell us about this black dick you sucked How exactly does that happen and were you just bullied And he forced it into your face You know I thought Because he had like magic the gathering cards The dick would be like kind of like You were playing magic with a black guy No Is it Magic Johnson? I just thought because he had the cards, he would be like, it wouldn't be that, but it was big and I didn't do it good probably. When you say you didn't do it good probably, what exactly do you mean, sir, hold your what the fuck?

58:31Brian Redban:I'm gonna go get another drink before this answers that question. Give me a Mike's hard lemonade. I don't care if he's hard. I ain't gay. Can't even twist a tweet. Tweez. Twinks. What? Twisted T's are called tweeze. Maybe twink. Whatever. Okay. Stick with me over here. Okay, okay. When you say you probably didn't do a good job, what exactly do you mean? I just feel like I remember, like, half-assing it. Yeah, like it was toothy, like, probably. Ooh. Oh, Ratattoothy over here. Amazing. Toothy probably means 100 % toothy, by the way. If you think your teeth might be hitting it. Toothy was the name of the black guy.

59:19Brian Redban:Toothy Jenkins, wide receiver, University Alabama. Number 34, Toothy Jenkins, wide receiver.

59:30Brian Redban:Amazing. Amazing stuff. Mackenzie, you are doing such a fucking good job. Great answers, great interview, great set. Red band? Mackenzie, if you're ever in Austin, I'll have you on the secret joke. Hell yeah, dude! Boom. You're booked on a Thursday in Austin. The gay guy caught it. The first local to catch a joke book tonight was a bisexual 23-year-old. Let the record show. That guy will catch any type of... Any type of... Thank you so much. How about one more time for Heidi and Val, everybody. Are they not... Every time shit gets a little too gay up here, we bring them up here to remind us all what we're into.

1:00:16Brian Redban:Right after you're done picturing a boy giving a toothy blowjob to a fat black cock, Heidi and Val are here to remind us all that we're straight. Here we are, two bucket pools, and now I present to you yet another boy born and raised on the outskirts of Houston, Texas. You know him very well. While never officially being a golden ticket winner or a regular, he became famous for being funny offstage, and then starting comedy on Kill Tony, and then growing nonstop. And now he's to the point where he's headlining all over the country. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Houston's own Uncle Lazer.

1:01:15City of Syrah, Scroosted, Texas, how we feeling tonight?

1:01:22Goddamn, just in time for rodeo season. Favorite time of the year. Best thing I love about that goddamn rodeo is them big, fat black women in them goddamn jeans and jean shorts just throwing ass to our lord and savior, George Strait. You ain't lived until you seen somebody pop their pussy to Amarillo by morning. I tell you what. And you got them cataphored tortoise, them big-ass category-4 torches walk around in them airbrushed shirts. Says R.I.P. Miguel, barbecue stains on it. Looking like a feral dog looking for a goddamn slice of brisket. I was pissed drunk out there last night and shacked up with this creature, you know?

1:02:06I said, where are you from, baby? She said, I'm from the bayou, Louisiana bayou. I said, fucking Buffalo bayou. That's where you're from. You're from fucking... But there I am in the back of a Ford Focus, okay? gutting that pig in fucking Lot C, all right? And she goes, baby, you gonna make this pussy fart?

1:02:31I said, do what? He said, you're going to make this pussy fucked. I said, keep your fucking voice down. Keep your voice down. I said, what are you asking me? She goes, you're going to make this pussy shit. I text my mom. I said, hey, I'm at the Houston Life Show Show. I need you to come get me real quick. You're going to have to come get me. Hey, security man, you ever made a pussy fuck? Strong and silent type, I like that. Saxophone, you ever made a pussy fart? What'd that sound like?

1:03:09No, that ain't it. That ain't it. You need to see a doctor. That ain't it. Michael Gonzalez, you ever made a pussy fart? What'd that sound like, boy?

1:03:22Michael Gonzalez, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Uncle Lazio. I've been great.

1:03:27Brian Redban:Uncle Laser. I don't even know where to begin with that manic wild set, but it was very, very awesome. Great stuff. Tell the people watching the podcast around the world what you're talking about, about the Houston Rodeo, which is an annual super weekend that just so happens to be right now. Right now. You know, they got Indians, Mexicans, blacks, white, pretending like country, dressing up, pretend to know what they're doing during the rodeo it's fun man get pissed drunk at the Astrodome you can buy the art it's great man all right like the little elementary kids draw art shit you can bid on it I bought a horse there last year wow you got the place running wild right yeah baby the what the fuck guy's enjoying himself right now

1:04:17Brian Redban:Wow, so you're hooking up with a big girl, and she said, make this pussy fuck. Fuck. She's Louisiana. She's Cajun. But like... They speak their own language. So like, that means fuck her so hard that a bunch of air gets in there? Yeah, so it's like the proper no-incalature is queef. Right. And fellas, if you ain't never had it happen to you, watch this side, it's gonna startle you at first. It feels like when you put two magnets together and they push you away.

1:04:50And I told her one, I said, what the fuck was that? And she goes, that's my pussy leaving you a review.

1:05:01I said, bitch, I said, bitch, I hope you fucking crash in the Brassers River when you go home.

1:05:07Brian Redban:Wow. Absolutely incredible. It is unsettling when a woman does that. Yeah. I had a girl go, you did this to me. Yeah, well, but listen, this is one rule of thumb when if it smells, she actually farted. You hear me? Yeah. That's a dead giveaway every time. Yeah. No doubt about it. I'm interested to hear what the other horn players might think a pussy fart sounds like. We only got the saxophone. What else? Do we have anything from you guys? Is there another pussy fart noise that you guys can muster up? Okay. You know I need that sweet, sweet trombone down there.

1:05:54Brian Redban:There it is. That's it. That's it. That's what I like. We found a winner. That smell's going to hit about five seconds after that one. Yeah. That's the old, regular old fart. Fart. amazing so this beautiful beast from Louisiana that you made love to how does how does an event like that end for you you just you get her an uber like where this took place in a car and her a Ford focus isn't for focus oh yeah did the primary vehicle of most Louisiana people balling on a budget yeah so you're in up the backseat of the Ford focus we had laid the front seats down and it I mean It was getting hot and heavy because she's heavy, you know?

1:06:36Yeah. At one point, I tried to lift her up. I mean, my fucking leg was going numb. I put my hand up on her window like Titanic, you know what I'm saying, in that back of the scene.

1:06:48So, yeah, I miss home, you know, and... That's Houston for you. That's it, man. I actually lost my virginity about six minutes down the road in a little trailer, like a colonia down there. Wow. Richmond, Rosenberg, a little, yeah.

1:07:03Brian Redban:Tell us about that. Tell us, what was your age and which relative was it? I was... Buddy. I was 12 and... Holy shit. The Mexican girl was 14, the black dude was 16. Wait, hold on a second. There was guest stars in this? Was Mackenzie Jewell sucking his cock while this was happening? Was the black guy getting a toothy blowjob in the corner? He's like, yeah, make that pussy five. Come on, ladies. So, like, I stole my mama's Jeep. I stole my mama's Jeep drink air key, and we drove down to there. We got in the window, and he's like, I'm gonna let you go first. He's a gentleman. And, uh... And I got in there, and I'm just foolings about.

1:07:44I'm just happy to be there. I have no idea what I'm doing. About 15 minutes go by, and I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn around, and there's this big, beautiful black man, just naked, but just a foot of dick on him, you know? Looked like when you take the fucking shitty pictures of your kids out of your wallet and unrivaled. It was, and he's like, let me show you how it's done. And they start fucking, and I'm just sitting there like, you know, I know what to do. And he, in them trailer houses, you know, they're kind of flimsy, you know, and he's fucking up against a wall, and they fell through that little plywood wall shit into her, her Thea's room.

1:08:18Oh, my God. And then she starts hollering in a language I don't understand, and then fucking, we jump out the window, and I get so nervous, I actually rode my mama's Jeep off in the ditch, and And cops came and shit. My mama took me home. They took the black dude. Joe Turner, he was actually 47. So I called everybody. I made that part up. God damn it. I made that part up. It's true.

1:08:37Brian Redban:There are no real black pedophiles. A little fun fact. You'll never see a black pedophile. And also a fun fact. Black people do not sneeze. I don't know if you guys know this. But it's a real thing. John Dees, can you confirm this? Have you ever sneezed before? I just did. I've actually never seen him really sneeze. Yeah, he's joking, but... Have you ever really sneezed? Yes. Shut the fuck up. I know black people can't have Down syndrome either. That's a fact. That's a fact. They all can get sickle cell, but you can't get the retardation stuff. That's a fact, goddammit! Anyway, I miss home. The only kind of downs black people get are first downs on the football field.

1:09:21Brian Redban:Am I correct, everybody? Am I correct? Rat-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Toothy Jenkins, University of Alabama. Uncle Lazer, to watch you grow, set after set on this show, is an anomaly. Hometown, baby. It's incredible. In his hometown, six minutes away from where he lost his virginity, in a trailer, with a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old black man. One more time for Uncle Lazer, everybody. Pat from Sway, who's dead? Back to the bucket we go. And your next bucket pool goes by the name of Kyle Clinton, everybody. Kyle Clinton. Oh, my goodness. I'm going to hand for Heidi as well. Chimney Crickets. That's a real act.

1:10:08Brian Redban:She works out every week. Here's Kyle Clinton, everybody. Woo! Woo! My big brother recently told me he got a vasectomy. And then he asked me if I was going to get a vasectomy. And I was like, I think I got to be getting some pussy first.

1:10:37Being from eastern Kentucky, sometimes people ask me if I banged my cousin. I'm like, no. She was homecoming queen. She was way out of my league. Plus, I had a big brother and like six cousins. My family had some real stiff competition. Growing up in Kentucky, sometimes people think I was brought up Baptist, but I was actually raised Methodist. Then in my 20s, I became a Crystal Methodist. Thank you, everybody. I'm Kyle Clinton.

1:11:18Brian Redban:Kyle motherfucking Clinton has done it again. Always funny. Love your delivery. Love everything about you. How you feeling Kyle? I feel fantastic. Thank you everybody. Sugar Land!

1:11:35Brian Redban:Have you been here before to Sugar Land? I have. I saw Chris Rock in here. I saw Jay Leno in here. At this venue. At this venue. Smart financials. Yeah. I love it. Amazing. Is this Houston where you're from? Yeah, I grew up in eastern Kentucky, but I live here now. What made you choose Houston? Work. Perfect. But now fun? Yeah. What do you do for work? Well, I was managing shopping centers, and right now I'm substitute teaching. Okay. What shopping centers were you managing at the time? Perhaps woodlands or something? Is that what it was called? Most of them were in small towns. I worked for a guy whose family owned a chain of department stores.

1:12:16in this area and throughout Texas. Claire's. Wiener's.

1:12:23Brian Redban:What's Wiener's? Wiener's. I know some people out there are familiar. Stop saying that. You're making me hard. What is that place? It's where everybody got their school clothes growing up, apparently. Really? Yeah. You guys got your school clothes at a place called Wiener's? Whoo! Right now, that guy up there is like, what the fuck? Rite aid wasn't open. Wow. I just thought they started selling kids wieners recently. Society, media, propaganda. It's a whole thing. Kyle, I loved your vasectomy joke. Did you really do crystal meth? Yes, I'm 13 years not doing it, but yes. How did you end up starting?

1:13:06Brian Redban:Explain to me, I've always been curious, how does one start doing crystal meth? Uh, being very distracted is where it might start. Okay, can you give me an example of what you mean? And then, well, thinking about other things, having to cram for a test, and then taking Adderall, and then advancing whenever I did not have Adderall. Right. Because crystal meth can fill in for Adderall. For those of you that are running a little low on Adderall, just remember. Just substitute. Yeah. Isn't it crystal meth, though? Like, you see shit, like, ride the snake and shit like that. If you take enough Adderall, you'll see shit.

1:13:46Brian Redban:But tell us about it. Okay.

1:13:51Should I? No. I mean, so I had some neighbors who could get it, and that became an option for me whenever I was out of Adderall. You know, a good neighbor, help a guy in need. So some neighbors give you baking soda. These neighbors are like, want some crystal meth? Yeah. Deep bark. Yeah. Yeah, and I don't know, it works.

1:14:14Brian Redban:What's the wildest thing you've ever done on crystal meth? Oh, that's a very good question, Tony. That's an excellent question. Look through your peephole a lot outside. Yes, yeah. Let your students dress you with their hand-me-downs from Wieners. Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. Searching through the carpet naked, looking for more, maybe. Ooh. Ooh. Why naked? 3 a.m.? Why naked? Because porn's on. Oh, okay. What kind of porn you watching on Crystal Meth? Anything crazy? What's the wildest porn you've ever watched? Uh, that's a great question. Penguin porn? Um, straight porn. Ooh. Interracial porn.

1:14:58Ooh. Right. Getting warmer. Now say the truth. Yeah. Clowns and midgets. You know, I hate to say this. This might not hit unless you're up close. You do look like the clown from It on his day off. I'll tell you. Thank you. Facially. Perfect. Perfect. I get told I look like a lot of people. Somebody said I look like Charlie Kirk this week. Oh, not great. Not great. Not great, yeah. Not great. I got Mr. Bean. Yep. I was like, wow, middle schooler knows Mr. Bean. I was impressed.

1:15:36Brian Redban:Yeah. What do you substitute teaching exactly? Everything. All grades. You're the guy that puts on, like, a video? Sometimes. We watched a video. Yeah. But sometimes you try to go with the current program? I try. Yeah. You ever throw on some interracial porn just to see what they do? No, never. Just make it small talk. I was called Mr. Epstein this week. That was also not great. Not great. Yeah. But I was surprised they knew who that is. What did you have to do to get that moniker? Walk around. Wow. Just be me. Do they bully you? Yes, they bully me every day. The middle schoolers, I was called a pussy-ass bitch.

1:16:20Brian Redban:Oh, there we go. Okay. The guy that called you, the kid that called you that, what did he look like? What race was he? He was black. Yeah. Banking soda! There you go. Do you fire back? I did not. Oh, you had a word you could have used. I did. Depending on what part of Houston you were in, yeah. So when they call you, so what were you... Why did that kid call you a pussy-ass bitch? Did he... Was there context to that situation? He said I disrespected him after I told him that... I said, I said, this is an A-B conversation. You can see your way that way. Wow. Black people hate the alphabet. Yeah.

1:17:02Brian Redban:Yeah. He's like, he's like, I'm going to stay in it. And I was like, hey, come over here and tell the coach what you said. He was like, well, you tried to rat him out. Are you tattled, you fucking pussy? You really are. You really are a pussy ass bitch. Yeah, I am. That's right. That kid was right. Wow. You're like, say it to his face. Because I'm too big of a pussy to say it. That's right. No cap. You are patient, but I would like to see you or hear about you snapping on one of the kids because I feel like there's, for every patient, sweet, you know, affable dude is a streak of rage. Oh, certainly.

1:17:39Brian Redban:Feels like it's building up within you. You seem like the kind of guy, you might be the first ever teacher that is the school shooter. Oh, God. I think it's only a matter of time. No, it would be a first for those of you keeping track. No teachers, almost 85 % trans people nowadays are the shooters. So it could be, the odds are higher that it would be Mackenzie Jewell than Kyle Clinton. Now I have an intercom. I have to get louder than them. I have to get my voice above theirs so they can hear me. But I can't, yeah, do anything. Like, shut up, pussy. The kid that called you Mr. Epstein, was it, did it make the class laugh because your real name is Mr.

1:18:24Brian Redban:Clinton? I'm starting to make that connection in my head right now. Is that what it was? Ah, Mr. Clinton. Wow. Look at that. Those kids are smart. They sure are. That guy wasn't even president when those kids were born. Okay. You had a great set, Kyle. We absolutely love you. Here's a big joke book. Boom. Woo! We're having fun here tonight. You guys having fun out there? How about the upper balcony? Are you guys having fun? Ooh la la. Whoa. My goodness gracious. All right. Onward we go. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your next bucket bowl. It is Nunzio Gianni, everybody. Nunzio. Ooh, a little pop, a local pop for Nunzio.

1:19:15How are we doing tonight, Yousid? Awesome. My name's Nunzio Gianni. I'm actually coming from Miami for my birthday. So I don't know if we got any folks from Miami or Miami. I know the strippers are amazing. I love them too. I'm fairly young. I moved to Miami when I was 16. Dating was actually really hard. 16 into 18, early 20s, because Miami's not a place for somebody young like me. But I guess I got a taste and some shippers and hoes, so I think I could do all right.

1:19:54I'm Puerto Rican and Italian. My ethnicity is kind of hard to pick. When I come to Texas, I'm either Mexican or colored, so.

1:20:11guys i'm really nervous guys this is my first time fuck all right i'm gonna cut you off there

1:20:18Brian Redban:nunzi ogiani this is the first time kill tony has had its own halftime show everybody how exciting to have an illiterate puerto rican up here responsible for entertaining us Absolutely amazing, Nunzio. He's the worst bunny. Yeah. That's good. Bad funny. Okay, Nunzio, did you prepare for this at all? You know, I did. About a year ago, I wrote a minute. We were supposed to come for my birthday, but I didn't review, so... You didn't review. Puerto Ricans are lazy. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's all right. That set was garbage. It was. It was certainly garbage. Okay. Nunzio, let's at least try to salvage this in the interview portion.

1:21:03Brian Redban:How old are you? I'll be 22 next week. Okay. What do you do for work? I'm a mortgage broker. A mortgage broker. Jesus. God, is that what you wanted to do? No, but I do want to do it now. I kind of find myself into it, and I do really like it, because I genuinely do have the opportunity to help people. You're into it? Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. We're doing the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles. It's a 16 ,000 seat venue in LA in May at the Netflix's Joke Fest. You said Intuit. It made me think of the wild success that I got by not being a mortgage broker and chasing my dreams. Right. Amazing. So you seem like a decent looking guy, right?

1:21:44Brian Redban:What's your love life like? A little difficult. You know, I'm really busy with work a lot of the time. But, um... Whoa, guys, come on. You guys think I'm not laying some puss? Give me a break. Oh, my God. Laying some puss? You guys don't think I'm laying puss over here, huh? I'll tell you. Look, I'll tell you honestly, Miami's a tough place to genuinely find somebody that you'll like. What are you talking about? It's literally like it's always hot. Like, it's like everyone's, like, humid, and they're pulling out their pussy all the time. Yeah, you can see this woman in it. Oh, no, I love it. It's great for me to have a good time, but in terms of...

1:22:23Brian Redban:But you're trying to settle down. No, I would appreciate a girl to, like, kick it with, you know what I mean? But you can't find one. Miami's tough. Okay, you just keep saying Miami's tough. Well, especially for me, guys. I moved to Miami when I was 16, so... Where did you move to Miami from? I'm trying to save you here. If you just focus on me, pretend like it's just me and you in the room. But don't be gay about it. All right. Okay. So where are you trying to find good women at in Miami? Where are you going to try to find them? or what are you doing? Are you on the apps? No, I don't like the apps, no.

1:22:59Brian Redban:Usually, usually at strip clubs. Just focus over here, focus over here. Oh, you're trying to find a good girl at a strip club? Well, you know, sometimes you can find a good one. Have you ever found a good one at a strip club? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My mom actually works in a lot of the major clubs. Your mom works at major strip clubs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does your mom do at the strip clubs? Well, she does not strip. I want to make that clear. Okay. She's a VIP host. The crowd was hoping for that to be your one redeeming fact. Yeah. Everybody wanted her to be like a 35-year-old stripper that shoots ping-pong balls out of her ass or something.

1:23:39Fuck yeah.

1:23:40Brian Redban:Fuck yeah. I just made the what-the-fuck guy come in his pants. All right. There's got to be a saving grace here, Nunzio Gianni. I'm trying to save you here. Give us one fun fact about you or your entire life that will win over the entire crowd here in Houston, Texas There has to be something that you've done some accomplishment Something he's looking to his family like this is the price is right. He's looking for advice in section 101 here. I Grew up in a funeral home. Oh, you grew up in a funeral home Okay, how did you grow up in a funeral home? Tell us about that. It was my great-grandfather's funeral home, and then it became my mother's.

1:24:25Brian Redban:She handled it for the most part. Your mom was working at a funeral home and strip clubs? Working at a funeral home, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you have a dad in your life? You know, I did. It was kind of difficult, but, yeah, I did have a dad. What do you mean it was difficult? I was split between two households, so... Oh. Yeah. Let's check in with Hall of Famer Adam Ray here. I'm going to see what's going on in your head. Yeah, this is not great, what's happening. But, you know, you're staying in the pocket. I've got to give you some credit. You're not, like, you know, crying or turning and running out through the curtains.

1:25:00So it is tough to be up here. What the people booing don't realize is it is tough to walk out here and even fucking cry. Yeah, yeah.

1:25:06Brian Redban:That is true. You know, but this has been pretty bad. But you miss 100 % of the shots you don't take. Can we ask Harry Homophobe what he thinks up there in the third balcony? Hey, the what-the-fuck guy, what do you think about Nunzio Gianni? Only that guy. And everyone else be quiet. Everyone else be quiet. And here we go. Okay, a bunch of people tried. We knew that was going to happen. Turns out a lot of guys have an opinion about you. Let's check in with Kim Congdon here. Well, I just really noticed something, and maybe I could give a little piece of advice. You're half Italian, half Puerto Rican, but you're like, the energy you're giving is like cokehead frat bro.

1:25:50Like, I think you need to lean into more who you are. Like, what's the most Italian and Puerto Rican thing about you?

1:25:55Brian Redban:What is the most Italian? Let's start with Puerto Rican here. What's the most Puerto Rican thing about you? You don't recycle. You didn't work on a joke for a year.

1:26:08Brian Redban:I like the dance. Okay, you know what Michael and Michael in the horns give us a little Puerto Rican something here Not that much. Come on one two three four. Oh, there it is Hey, that's what they're good at everybody There you go. That's good. That's good. All right. Stop. That's enough. It's unbearable Okay, I'm getting you out of here nunsio Johnny. Here's a little joke book. Oh right off the chest Thank you, Houston. I mean, if you're going to boo, you might as well boo. There you go. Get it out of your systems. The good news is this is working out. The flow of this show is working out perfectly because coming off of...

1:26:51Brian Redban:Oh, my God. Valerie Vaughn. Like I said, every time someone struggles, there's always something there to clean up the mess. And this is working out great. After every golden ticket winner or regular or whatever we've had so far, someone does good and then someone does bad and then I always have something to clean up the mess. This is another one of those situations. Ladies and gentlemen, this next comedian won a golden ticket live in an arena on Netflix on New Year's Eve. She is with us here tonight, an absolute sensation. Make some noise for one of the newest stars of Kill Tony. This is the Houston debut of Young, everyone.

1:27:30Brian Redban:You know her. The little Chinese devil.

1:27:39What's up, Houston?

1:27:44And we just finished the Black History Month. Fuck Black History Month. Fuck Asian Heritage Month, too. Why did they make our calendar racial? Seems like everywhere I go, they want to ask for my race. You apply for a school, what's your race? You apply for jobs, what's your race? See, where I grew up, they don't ask that question.

1:28:16Because we're better at keeping our bloodline pure.

1:28:28So many different races to pick from under that question, too. Hispanic, non-Hispanic, black, white, Pacific Islander. In Asian countries, we'll just put people into two categories. Asian or intruders. Thank you.

1:28:47Brian Redban:Boom. another exact minute from Young. Very funny, great stuff. It is true, you guys keep your breadline pure. Very. Remind us, how long have you been in America? Since 2012. Okay. Is there anything that surprised you about all the white people that you saw all of a sudden? I think white people are very good at being functional and drug addict.

1:29:25Yeah, like... That is it. Yeah, I snorted cocaine for 10 years and I'm helping people with the healthcare.

1:29:39Brian Redban:That is amazing. That was pretty good. He's like RFK Jr. and you're like P.F. Changs Jr.

1:29:52I think I met you at the Rub and Tug about six days ago. I love it. Too soon. I love you, Adam. Can I please get on Dr. Theo Live?

1:30:04Brian Redban:There you go. Yeah, sure. He wants to be on Dr. Theo Live. Oh, yeah. Dr. Theo. Dr. Theo. Yeah, yeah. Young see your Introduction to all different types of cultures was here in America because in China there really is basically just Chinese people After meeting black people. What do you think is the blackest thing about you? I've got a lot of bad things I I was trying to save up for Dodge Challenger

1:30:43Oh my god. Black as hell.

1:30:49That is tonight's Doritos joke of the night.

1:30:55I was actually, I aborted a half black baby. I was pretty bad. You did? Yeah, yeah. Rest in peace, LaQuintia. Oh, god. Damn it. If I kept her, she'll look like King Condon.

1:31:10Brian Redban:That is true. That is amazing. Oh, goodness. No, no, I'm just kidding. I never had an abortion. My mom did, though. My mom had three abortions before me. Wow. Let's get to a clip. We don't have it. We don't have it. Why did your mom have three abortions before you? She just hated my dad. Were they boys? No. It's the opposite in China, right, Ben? Yeah. They abort the girls. Not anymore. Not anymore. Now they need girls. Now they have too many boys. Right. Yeah. It backfriared.

1:31:49Brian Redban:This stuff. I love it. Now, one thing that we've learned about you young, because you've had a lot of appearances since you became a golden ticket winner on New Year's Eve, is that you're a very sneaky roaster. You make fun of people. Has anyone ever roasted you? I mean, I get attacked online all the time. People, you know, trying to say shit online all the time. But I don't take it personally. But one time, you know, in this country, like, it's hard to survive. And one day my mom called me. She's like, you know, it's hard. Why are you here? Like, you're struggling. And she said, nobody's going to help you.

1:32:31You'll never find anyone that will truly love you in this country. And that kind of hurt.

1:32:39Brian Redban:I'll help you. Oh, look, you got Red Band here. Red Band has been stalking me online. Like, he follows all my social media. Like, I see him popping on my TikTok suggested account. Yeah, well, your name is his type of girl. Only fans. Yeah. You went from breadline to the breadline. Yeah, I'm not concerned. I think Red Ben's, like, his face is getting dark. I was concerned that his wife is being slowly poisoning him because... Could be. A lot of late-night home-cooked burrata cheese. Gives me a lot of pills. No, she's going to play the sound effect at his funeral. Cha-ching! Mommy! Cha-ching, only you can say that.

1:33:30Brian Redban:I got in trouble for saying that once. Yeah. Oh, I can say it. Let me say it. Hell yeah. Just like how you point Cam. Young, you are hilarious. Adam, is this your first time seeing Young? First time hilarious. Met you at the mothership a few times, but very funny to see you live. Great job. This is your first time in Houston. I happen to know for a fact you had your first time ever at a Buc-ee's on the way here. Oh, yeah. What did you think about Buc-ee's? Well, everything is bigger and better in Texas

1:34:06Love Texas brandering what okay Puerto Rican together would cause the most traffic in America

1:34:15Brian Redban:Red light yellow light. That's what I call you too Young you are a gem you're so different than everybody else I just see a little superstar every time I see you. How about one more time for Young, everybody? Let's keep it moving along. We have our first one word name of the night. Now these always historically, if you end up looking at the statistics of the last 13 years of Kill Tony, you will find that the one word names are always, always a little something. They're either brilliant, insane, anything can happen. Make some noise for what I believe is the Kill Tony debut of Smithy, everybody.

1:34:57Brian Redban:S-M-I-F-F-Y. Smithy. Oh, hell yeah. Here we go. Sup, niggas?

1:35:09You guys are easy. Y 'all ever try to be friends with a gay person? I have, because I'm progressive. But you gotta watch out for them. Because them niggas, they will try to fuck you. Like, I went out with Buddy, and we went shot for shot. We was having a great fucking time. But he waited until I got good and drunk. And he started trying to challenge me to, like, weird games. He was like, yo, I bet you I could beat you in a dick-sucking competition. And that shit really blew me, because I'm like, there's no way I'm going to lose to a. Like, wait, wait, listen. I'm not gay. I'm just competitive.

1:35:49Listen. Times are changing. Times are changing. We got old nigga YNs now like I Don't know if y 'all ever thought about this, but whatever happened to old black people they used to be in the church They used to give great advice Old nigga at my job last week came up to me. He was like where the hoes at? Nigga your kids are the hoes. What are you talking about? All right, yeah, there's my time Smithy fuck.

1:36:18Brian Redban:Yeah, Smithy welcome welcome What's up, Tom? How you doing, buddy? How long you been doing stand-up? About a year. I love it. All here in Houston? No, I started in Savannah, Georgia. Okay. Is that where you're born and bred? No, I'm from Connecticut. Okay. Wow. The rare, very rare Connecticut black. What made you move to Savannah? I don't know. I just got out. I was living in Missouri. I was in the military. So, like, after living in Missouri, being around, like, white country people, I was like, I want to be surrounded by black country people. Hell yeah. What branch in the military did you swing from?

1:36:57Oh, wait. You bitch. You bitch you. Got you. I got you.

1:37:02Brian Redban:No, but seriously, what did you do in the military? Black ops? Oh, yeah.

1:37:09Brian Redban:Black hawk down? All right. This guy's good. Yeah, go ahead. No, I was in the army. Mm. Yeah. Okay. What did you do in the army? The real man. You said what? What did you do in the Army? I was a mechanic. Nice. Okay. Awesome. Did you serve overseas at all? Just Korea. Oh, wow. Like a little bit in like Kuwait. What was Korea like? Did you get to have any fun out there? To go out? Not at all, really. Honestly, it was like the most depressing time of my life. Tell us about that. Why? So I had an ex at the time, and we had broke up. So I was just in Korea, just heartbroken, just eating chicken, getting explosive diarrhea.

1:37:51It was really, it was really, it was a trying time. Like, I got to buy, like, a bunch of, they have, like, all the clothes there. So it was like, I got to get, like, a bunch of drip. It was cool. Okay. Korean drip.

1:38:04Brian Redban:Yeah. Amazing. Okay, Smithy. Now, do you live here in Houston now? Uh, yes, sir. What made you move to Houston? Uh, honestly, your show. I just didn't have any money to move to Austin.

1:38:20three hours away

1:38:23Brian Redban:takes money tony do you sign up for kill tony sometimes uh i actually i've only this is my second time you signed up once in austin didn't get up funny funny enough it's like i didn't go to austin i went to la to like the forum show interesting yeah but i did you pick la i don't know. I just, I was just trying it. I was like, I don't know. I like, sometimes I like trying my luck. I was like, this might work out. It worked out tonight. Yeah. Amazing. So you live here in Houston now. What do you do for work? Uh, I'm a truck driver. A truck driver. Yeah. Oh my goodness. I'm bringing sexy back. I love it.

1:39:02Brian Redban:I love it. Uh, when, uh, when people drive by you and go like Do you honk the horn? No, only - Okay, Red Bam, we know you have a soundboard. Thank you. Only little kids. Right. A grown-ass man is, get the fuck - Really? Because I do it. I do it all the time. Yeah, me too. Like this? Oh, you son of a bitch. Oh, you son of a bitch. I swear to God, you do that one more time, I'm going to give you the toothiest blowjob you've ever gotten in your life. I'm telling you. Tooth. Tooth are false. Don't threaten me with a good time. Okay. You relax. You relax, Smithy. All right. Okay. So, why haven't you made the drive to Austin?

1:39:41Brian Redban:If you moved to Houston for Kill Tony, why haven't you made the drive to Austin to sign up? Because it's like, I be working, man. It's like, it's hard. I be tired. And I got insomnia. So I'm like always tired. People think I'm wearing these guys because I'm lit. I'm just tired. Okay. That's the same reason why D Madness wears his. Not a lot of people know that. Not blind. He's just tired sometimes. How do you stay awake if you're driving the truck for so long? Caffeine. Yeah. I'm wired. What do you, exactly, do you have a special regimen that you go through? Uh, I just usually, to be honest, it's probably not healthy.

1:40:17It's like, just like thermogenics and like Celsius.

1:40:22Brian Redban:Okay. Yeah. Thermogenics and Celsius. Those are your cousin's names? Yeah. You know what's funny? I've actually been trying to, like, I don't know how to pronounce your name. Is it Kim Condom or is Kim, how do I say it? It doesn't matter. Okay. Sorry. Smithy, do you have a girlfriend now? No. No. What's your dating life like? Uh, to be honest, I'm pigeon-toed, so it's like, I don't get a lot of girls because of that. Like, when I walk, it's like... Let me see. You put the mic in the mic stand and then walk past Michael's drums. Walk that way. Sweet ass. That's not bad at all. All right, walk back towards me.

1:41:04Brian Redban:Damn. I know I can't. Yeah. Hurr, hurr. Fun fact, he did shit his pants halfway on that walk. You're pigeon-assed as well. Anyway, you think that's what's stopping you from having a girlfriend? Uh, probably. Wow, no, it's not. It's amazing. When's the last date you went on or something? Uh, I don't even know. How long have you lived in Houston? Probably like two years. Two years. It costs like 50 bucks to just go outside. So I was like, I just play video games. Don't you make money driving trucks? Yeah, but it's like I got to save it. For what? For my dog. You have a dog? Yeah. For your dog's drinking habit?

1:41:52Like, what are you buying for your dog that he needs so much money? He's spoiled, man. Yeah. What are you getting? And I'm a black guy, so I don't dress like a black guy, but...

1:42:01Brian Redban:Oh, I remember. He's saving up for a Dodge Challenger. What do you spend your money on? Give us some fun things. A belt? Yeah. Well, you stole that, but what do you spend your money on? What kind of dog do you have? He's a hound slash boxer mix. Okay. Yeah, jumpy little fucker. Yeah. Why not a pit bull? Well... That is a racist question, Red Band. And when you say things like that, it makes people of color not want to sign up for the show. Why not a pit bull? They have, like, pet laws. Like, so they have an aggressive breeds policy. So if you stay in, like, apartment complexes, you can't, like...

1:42:47Yeah, you can't have certain dogs. Right.

1:42:49Brian Redban:So instead you got a boxer hound. Wait, you said what? Nothing. Smithy, give us one more fun fact about your life before I get you out of here? Um, I just found out a couple weeks I'm a dancing-ass nigga. Me too. I can tell. Usually we can spot our own. When you say you're a dancing-ass friend of ours, what exactly do you mean? It's like, I was walking in like H-E-B a couple days ago, and like, Make some noise for H-E-B, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it can't go, I will not let it be mentioned without giving it its own special time on this show. It is just an unbelievable anomaly. We were talking about it literally on the way here, on the bus here, because we stopped at Bucky's, which is a national treasure, and the conversation just comes up every goddamn time.

1:43:44Brian Redban:Texas has the best gas stations. We have the best grocery stores. We have just the life. Winter lasted two weekends this fucking year. It is unbelievable. Tell us about this trip to HEB. No, I just had my headphones in. It was like, I was playing like Grindin' by the Neptunes, and I just freaking pop-blocked. So crazy. I was literally playing that on the drums earlier, asking my dear black friend John Dees if he knows that song. And it's the only song that we talked about before the show, was Grindin' by the Clips. Am I correct? He can confirm. That's weird. And then what happened? When you were playing Grindin', you were dancing in the HEB, and then what?

1:44:29Brian Redban:Someone entered you into a dancing competition, you found out you were dancing in... Nah, it's like sometimes you just come to realizations. It's like, you know, like the first time you probably figured out you was gay. Yes, absolutely. I was in an HEB, I had my headphones on, I fell onto a breadstick, and uh... Why don't we hear, why don't we see a little bit of dancing from you, and then we're gonna We're gonna have the great hall of famer Adam Ray, who happens to also be a dancing-ass motherfucker. We're gonna have a little dance competition here. I'm gonna throw Adam on the spot, the legend Adam Ray.

1:45:00Brian Redban:Let's let him go first. Let's see what happens here. Make some noise for Smithy, everybody. This is our cover of the clips. Grindin'. Oh shit, whoa. Oh shit. Go pigeon toe, go pigeon toe. It's your birthday. Oh shit. it whoa whoa oh oh my goodness there he goes there it is breaking into the jewelry store that's what we call that dance oh wow that's literally what I was gonna do now ladies and gentlemen a man who's never taken a loss in the history of the show doing his dancing ass oh oh my god oh Oh! Oh, the peep over the window seal. Oh, I don't know how to swim. Oh my goodness. It's... Whoa!

1:45:53Brian Redban:Oh, he transferred it! Whoa! Oh, he's got his heart! Oh, he took a pint of his heart! Oh my God. Oh my God. How about a hand for Adam Ray, ladies and gentlemen? I panicked. I panicked. I thought, what would the fucking closet of gay guy do? What the fuck? You were getting smithy with it. Smithy, you are so fun. Amazing stuff. Here is a big joke book from Bones Eye that just so happens to be plated in gold because I know your people like things like that. Smithy, ladies and gentlemen, of course you got it. Take note, a black man has never dropped a joke book in the history of the show. 13 years running.

1:46:38Brian Redban:they don't know how to not catch things, including HIV. Now, your next bucket pool, I hate to watch out, that's so stupid, goes by the name, make some noise for Chris Martinez, everybody. Your first, what appears to be, Houston true Latino of the night. There he is.

1:47:03Hell yeah, sorry for spilling that drink on you, by the way. That was rude of me. Appreciate you guys up there. Yeah, I'm not retarded, but I spent$15 for rocks. Anybody have that problem? I don't know. I'm starting to think that Cam Patterson sold out, you know. He jumped off the Kill Tony show, went straight to SNL. And all of a sudden, he's selling rocks for$15. It's like they were promised to him 3 ,000 years ago. Am I right? All right, all right, well, enough about the Jews. Let's talk about Corpus, Christy, Texas, where I'm from. Donald Trump was just there yesterday. Everybody give a hand for Donald Trump.

1:47:47The greatest president to ever live. You see this beautiful bridge? I built that bridge. My administration, we built it in 2017. Sleepy Joe Biden. Sleepy Joe Biden. He cut the port. He cut the funding. And then we brought it back in 2020. You can boo all you want, but he's the greatest president. Am I right, Tony? Am I right? Let's not get too political, though.

1:48:12Brian Redban:Okay. You went over his time there, Chris. I'm going to stop you. He's the only president right now. There's only one. So you spent the first ten seconds apologizing to a group of people that you spilled a drink on that no one would have ever known about. Yeah. And then you took shots at one of the most beloved humans in the history of the show, a person that these people all watched do a new minute and an interview every single week. You don't like him? Is that the implication? No, I love Cam... I bought his rocks for 15 bucks, you know? You gotta love them. Is that true? I'm confused. Is this like an online store or something?

1:48:43No, it was actually at the Austin show. The Austin... the New Year's Eve show. Okay. Yeah,$15. They told me they might be signed, so I fell for it, I guess. Dumbass. Yeah.

1:48:54Brian Redban:Yeah. I don't understand, but, uh, all right, so you made a deal about that. No one knew what you were talking about when you said that. And then you went on to do a bad impression of the current president, in which you just said things that he's actually said before. There was no comedy added to it or anything like that. Yeah. Have you ever done stand-up comedy before? Twice at the little pizza shop in Corpus Christi. Okay. We know about that little pizza shop. Brick City or something? What's it called? Mesquite Street. Mesquite Street. That's right. Okay. They like pizza. Chris, before I get you out of here, because you did nothing here tonight.

1:49:29Brian Redban:Yeah. Somehow you're the only true Mexican that's been pulled, and you did less work than anybody. Shout out. Shout out to you. Okay. All right. I fucking love you, Adam Ray. You're the best. Okay. I love you too, player. I thought we deported all you guys. What's going on? And that's your Topo Chico joke of the night. All right. No one knows how to bring the room to a halt like you do. It's incredible. I love it. Chris, before I get you out of here, give me one redeeming quality about you that'll make all these people fall in love with you because right now you've wasted three minutes of the time.

1:50:04I'm just going to lean into the, hey, I'm a door-to-door Solar rep. I knock on your door for Solar. Yeah! Sweet, there's no saying.

1:50:12Brian Redban:It's okay. We're going to keep it moving along. Here's a little joke book. There you go. Chris Martinez, everybody. He caught it. Got to give him that. He caught it. There you go. There he goes. A strange eye contact and point at Adam Ray as he walks off. I think I'm a fan of my dance moves. He's like, I didn't know you could move like that. That made me miss my mom. I don't know. That was sad. Sometimes I just keep it moving along. Sometimes I think there might be an interview. Trust your instincts, Don. Sometimes I just keep it flying. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Clay McLaren, everybody.

1:50:51Brian Redban:Clay McLaren. Here we go.

1:50:58Brian Redban:Here comes Clay McLaren, everybody. There we go.

1:51:05Hey, everyone. How's it going tonight? Well, I'm probably going to suck harder than that other guy, but I'm going to do my best. So I had my first sexual interaction with a female-to-male transgender person.

1:51:30what sucked is that her clit was bigger than my dick

1:51:37also i went and met some dude named i don't know like dr phil or something a while back i gave him a hand job at bucky's

1:51:53uh also i work at a comedy club and i give many hand jobs there

1:52:12the best part about is that i get to eat all the cum what the fuck that was the

1:52:18Brian Redban:punchline that you held your hand up and like made us all wait for just hand jobs hand jobs jerked off this guy jerked off that guy thank you good night you work at a comedy club what do you do at the comedy club uh i'm in event staffing this must be the worst comedy club where's this comedy club at it's in houston what's it called punchline houston wow and you do event staffing yes sir okay you're adorable i think you're funnier than what you did on stage tonight so So let's talk about it. I just want real answers out of you, okay, Clay? Yeah, of course. How old are you? I am 30. 30. When you wake up in the morning, truly, without trying to be funny, take us through your routine.

1:52:59Brian Redban:What's the very first thing you do? Do you lay in bed for a little bit? Do you get out of bed immediately? What do you do? Take a drink of alcohol. I couldn't hear you because of the loud sound effect that happened because my partner here is just so good at his job. Go ahead. Thank you, Red Band. Go ahead. What's the first thing you do? Take a drink. You take a drink? Yeah. You drink alcohol while still in bed? Yeah, even though I just got out of rehab a while back. Okay, perfect. I fell off the wagon. Okay. Oh, my. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So were you in rehab for alcohol? What's that? Were you in rehab for alcohol only?

1:53:42Yeah.

1:53:43Brian Redban:Okay. That was a lie. Yeah, yeah. I had to hesitate. Let's talk about this drinking problem of yours. You're 30? Yes. And so take us through a day of how much you drank. Before I went to rehab, it was at least half a gallon a day. Half a gallon of vodka? Yes. Wow. Amazing. How did it get to that point? When did you start drinking? 21 or before? Before. Okay. How young were you? 19, maybe 20. And were you drinking by yourself back then? No. You were drinking with friends? Yes. And then when did you start drinking by yourself in the morning like that? Around 25. 25. What happened at 25 that made you start doing a little bit of heartbreak or something?

1:54:29Brian Redban:Yeah, I had some tumultuous relationships. Okay. All right. When you say tumultuous, what exactly do you mean? I was supposed to get married and then I didn't yeah thank you why didn't you she walked out on you she left you no I left her what made you leave her hold on everybody shut up with your fucking angry booze shut up

1:55:02Brian Redban:this is why the Astros can't win a world series you stop your booing you fucking Houston We laugh about you all the time and meanwhile you're only two and a half hours away from us and we think you're sad. Shut up. The Rockets suck. The Astros suck. Yes. Yeah. Heel turn hinge clip. Fuck you. I'm interested in this guy's story. For the record, Hakim is my favorite player of all time. He's a man. Yeah, I'm kidding. I like you guys. But go ahead. Oh, no. She wanted kids. I wasn't financially stable, so I thought that it would be inappropriate to bring a kid into the world without being able to take care of it.

1:55:49Right. Man, what did she do for work?

1:55:53Brian Redban:She didn't do jack a lot about nothing. She didn't work at all? No. Fuck no. Meanwhile, she wanted a kid, and you're doing event staffing at a comedy club that barely has any events. Yes, sir. Right. So that's rough. Can I ask the cum punchline? When you said we were all, like, it was, you know, you had, you came out with good energy, right? You came out, people were cheering. They were rooting for you. They wanted you to succeed. And then you built up and you had this formula of, like, I did this and I jerked off the thing. But the best part about it is, and then you said, I eat the cum. And that felt like more like a confession than a punchline.

1:56:27So did you have other alternative punchlines, like, that you were deciding between? Or did you just think that? Just off the top of my head. Yeah. You didn't cum. You're just like, they'll love that.

1:56:36Brian Redban:Yeah, I eat cum regularly. Say it again. When you say you eat cum regularly, what exactly do you mean? I mean, it's not like a recreational thing, but... Answer the question. What do you mean when you say you eat cum? It's a very simple question. You said it. I'm asking you what you mean. Sometimes it shoots on my face. Hold on. Sir, I got this. What the fuck? Yeah. So you're gay sometimes. Uh, yeah. Okay. Are you consider yourself bi? No. You're just gay. No, straight. You're straight, but guys shoot cum on your face sometimes. Fuck yeah. Okay. I'm gonna get you out of here. This is... Hey, D Madness did it.

1:57:25Brian Redban:Okay, very good. There you go, buddy. There you go. Yep, another drop. What is this? What is this? The Astros and the World Series? What are all these drops happening here tonight? Look how mad this fucking is. That's good. I love it. Your middle finger does nothing. You guys all have tiny middle fingers in this shit hole city. Look at all the tiny Houston middle fingers. You know that's a thing in the water here. Make sure middle fingers go small. It's a Houston thing. Look how tiny they are. They all look like little pinkies. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm from Houston. Yes. From Ohio. Very good.

1:58:04Brian Redban:The home of world leaders and whatnot. Yes. Light. All right. How's my favorite, the upper deck, doing up there? Oh, yeah. That's where the real winners are tonight. I'm telling you, I'm in love with the upper deck. There's a lot of sore losers with extra money down here. A bunch of spoiled kids that inherited it from their oil mining fathers. The real workers are up there. How about one more time for the upper deck, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You hear that? Look at the chaos up there. Look at these guys. These people fucking get it. All right. Your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Jasmine Flowers, everyone.

1:58:43Brian Redban:Jasmine Flowers.

1:58:52Hello. Hello. I noticed patterns for a living, and I noticed something. The Amish. They used to be elusive. but now they're everywhere. TLC, HBO, I don't even have cable, but I see them every day. I'm starting to think that maybe there's a scam going on here. I'm not sure. I'm at that age now where everything I think is a scam, but, you know, they pretend they can't have cell phones, but then... But then that's scamming 101. Well, my camera doesn't work. But anyway, so I feel like they had a meeting sometime. They had, they said, there was no electricity candles. Let's build Barnes turn butter and confuse the hell out of the society.

1:59:52That's what it's like, basically. And I know one person at that meeting said, this could have been an email. But anyway, I'm just saying, check the Barnes for Wi-Fi. this has really changed. Anyway, I tried.

2:00:07Brian Redban:All right, Jasmine. That's overtime right there. I love it. Jasmine, welcome. Keep that microphone. I'm going to do an interview here because I love Medea Does Kill Tony. This is incredible. How long have you been trying stand-up? About 90 seconds. 90 seconds. Perfect. What made you want to start here tonight? Saturday, didn't have anything else to do. I said, let me drive out there and see what's happening. I love it. But you watch the show sometimes. You know what it is. Yes, yes. So you tried it. You said that these Amish people are, they're coming out of nowhere. There's a lot of them now.

2:00:43Yeah. They used to be elusive. You never knew an Amish person. I didn't know about Amish people, but now they're everywhere and everything. And they're supposed to be kind of against technology, but I just thought that was different. Yeah.

2:00:56Brian Redban:Jasmine, what do you do for work? I'm an accountant. You're an accountant? Yes. Oh, my goodness gracious. What type of accounting are you doing? Corporate accounting. Wow.

2:01:09Brian Redban:It's fun, really. I love it. And you live here in Houston, Texas? I do. I do live in Houston. I love it. What part of Houston do you live in? I live in the Westbury area near Meyerland, if people know that, where that is. In the city, Houston proper. What are some of your favorite things to do here in Houston? You ever go to the turkey hut? I've never been to the turkey hut, but I've had turkey legs at the Renaissance Festival. I like that. Ooh, the Renaissance Festival. I didn't know black people went to Renaissance Festival. Me and my friends, a couple of us. You guys probably really stand out at that Renaissance Festival.

2:01:43Brian Redban:No, we don't. Blacksmith. Red band. Okay. Jasmine, you have a family? Yes, I do. I have two kids. I love it. How old are they? 23 and 21. Okay, you did it. Yes, it's finished. Heck yeah. What are they up to, boys or girls? I have a son that's at Texas Tech. This is his last year, mechanical engineering. Nice. I have a daughter that lives in Milwaukee. She's a dog groomer. Oh, nice. Yes. Heck yeah. I love it. And Jasmine, what do you do for fun? Do you have any hobbies or anything like that? I walk a dog. I like to garden, hang out with my friends. I like to garden. We're going fishing next month.

2:02:29Okay.

2:02:30Brian Redban:All right. Interesting, Jasmine. So the kids are all grown up. You still have a man? No. Okay. I don't have a man. When's the last time you were with a man? I've been divorced for probably about 10 years. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. But do you go on dates or anything? Have you been getting, you know, the old... No, not really. Maybe, you know, I'm just enjoying doing stuff. Kim wants to know when your last kiss was. My last kiss? Maybe two years, three years? Really? It's been that long? Wow. Oh God. She's such a beautiful lady. I'm enjoying it! I'm happy! I mean... She's such a beautiful lady. Is there a guy out there that wants to give Jasmine a big smooch, huh?

2:03:22Brian Redban:Be part of Kill Tony history? You gotta make it a good one if I bring you up here. Who do you think it is? Who's really gonna go for it? Blue shirt right there, you think?

2:03:35I need some water.

2:03:36Brian Redban:You need water? Have anybody's water you want. You got it. All right. Who's going to do this? Are you going to do it? Pick one, Jasmine. I'll let you pick. In the words of Uncle Lazer, who's going to make that pussy five? Oh, my God. First of all. This guy. The guy with the white beard? Let's get January 7th over here. Jasmine, do you have a preference? You have to be over 50. You have to be over 50? Yeah, that guy with the beard. can do it but oh I'm not the guy the cowboy hat cowboy hat got the purple the guy with the beard no you want to let you pick yeah guy with the white beard is gonna do it ladies and gentlemen you're about to watch history here we go here in Houston Texas here we go powerful black woman kiss the man that looks like he fought for the South in the Civil War watch your steps sir please Don't trip over cords.

2:04:32Ladies and gentlemen, what an amazing thing.

2:04:35Brian Redban:Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, my God. Wow. Incredible. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Look at that. Not the first time this guy's freed the slaves. Look at this fucking guy. Holy shit. This is what comes out of the game when you roll double sixes in Jumanji. Watch your step, sir. Watch your step. Jasmine, how did that feel? You squirt? I forgot. I forgot already. I can't remember. I love it. She's mesmerized. All right, Jasmine. Thank you so much. There she goes, Jasmine Flowers, everybody. She's a sweetheart. These guys are out here booing during sets. These guys are relentless here in Houston. All right.

2:05:19Brian Redban:Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your next comedian is one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. An absolute force of nature that you know, that you love. one of the greatest interviewees in the history of the show. Sing it if you know the words, because I present to you the one and only, this is Hans Kemp.

2:05:51Hey. What's up, Houston?

2:06:00Hell yeah. Don't worry, I speak English. This isn't the Super Bowl halftime show. If I wanted to hear a bunch of Spanish, I'd go to a kitchen at Chili's.

2:06:18Stop trying to make me learn things. This is America. What's the point of having all these bombs if I have to learn. I do think it's fucked up that a lot of Mexicans are getting deported. I think if you're trying to reduce crime, deporting Mexicans is the least efficient way to do that. I've never been walking down a dark alley and heard the voice behind me be like, give me your money.

2:06:51It's usually some form of Ebonics. The language of robberies. Yeah, I recently saw black guy gardening. I was like, dude, you don't have to do that anymore.

2:07:10You can do larceny and retail theft as well now.

2:07:17I am working out right now. You know, I don't have to be stronger than a black guy. I just have to last long enough till the cops get there. All right, well, that's my time. Thank you guys so much.

2:07:30Brian Redban:Hans Kim has done it again. Wow. How about the reception from that crowd just upon arrival? I know. Thank you.

2:07:47Brian Redban:Amazing. Thank you. Hansi boy Kim live in Houston, Texas. How does Houston make you feel? How do you feel about all this? Oh, it's great. It's a big Texas city. A lot of anger can be unleashed upon me. So, yes, trying to stay on the good side of Houston. Lots of different types of, you know, Republicans and Democrats here to piss off. It's just a lot of people here. A lot of different kinds of people. Yeah. Lots of love. Lots of love. Absolutely. Have you been to Houston before? Yes. I actually double teamed a female here. I... Whoa. Let's cut to a clip. No, still don't have it. Still don't have it.

2:08:29My goodness. This was a fan? Uh, yeah, she was, uh, pretty enthusiastic. Who did you double team her with? A wonderful, uh, awesome comic that I don't think I should name. Right, but a buddy. Yeah. Okay. Not like, uh, you know, Brian Redband or something.

2:08:49Brian Redban:Right. It definitely wasn't Brian Redband. You'd have to be able to get hard to have sex with a woman. Just kidding. This reminds me, Pluchu, the official sponsor of Kill Tony. Wow, tell us what it was like double teaming. Which hole did you pick? Well, I actually, she was like bonded with me, which is pretty cool. So I actually had sex with her before my friend got there. So I already came inside of her vagina. And then... Thank you for that. Hey, I was about to ask where. I mean, that's important. Let me ask you, did she tell you she was on the pill or something? Like, what made you come inside of her?

2:09:29Brian Redban:Did you just do that? I just felt very open to the idea of that. Wow. That's not going to hold up in court, by the way. It was a long time ago. But yeah, it was all legal. Um... Jesus. She, uh, yeah, so I already came, and then my friend came, and she's like, I always wanted to do this thing, a roast pig or a stuck pig. I talked about this before, but then I actually took the mouth area and he took the vagina and I I really wasn't as hard as I could have been and failed. Yeah, she wasn't really a roast pig more like Now let me ask you this. Shish kebab. Let me ask you this. Shish kebab. Wow. Corn dog.

2:10:15Okay. We got it.

2:10:17Brian Redban:We got it. Yeah, we you don't need to keep naming. Yeah. Yeah. So Your soft penis was in her mouth, and your buddy was fucking the hole that you had already nutted inside of. Did you tell your friend that you came inside of her? Oh, I don't think I did. So there's a chance that your buddy is going to find out from watching this show that the time that he hooked up with a chick with you, he was fucking your cum. Yeah. I lubed him up.

2:10:56Brian Redban:I love that he still looks at you. Hans has just enough autism to think of it like you helped him out a little bit.

2:11:06Amazing. If she gets pregnant, who's going to claim the baby? I mean, he was white and I'm Asian, so if it's smart, then it's mine. That's a good point. Touche. Let's see how he does on the SATs before. How did after work like right after you guys came to keep hanging out or We crashed she took the couch I took the bed a little bit and then we left we drove back to Austin you said you crashed does that mean that you drove immediately?

2:11:41Cool cool imagining Han's trying to do an Eiffel Tower, but his dick is soft for her face keeps falling

2:11:49Brian Redban:Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't get hard again. Oh, this is my Hans impression. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so soft. Oh, I'm so soft. Is there anything that you try to think of or do when you're trying to get hard? Yes. Okay, go ahead. Always the most honest answers. If you look at the history of the show, no one has better answers to my questions. than hans can totally always before i'm even done answering the yes tony yes actually i do honest hans should be the name of your special yeah honest yes i think a lot of tickling stuff helps me a lot

2:12:36why is it gross no hans being tickled is disturbed i'm not getting tickled i'm tickling I'm the tickler, Kim. Jesus.

2:12:48Brian Redban:Yeah, somehow it is disgusting. I'm starting to agree with Kim. I thought you were getting tickled, which is just fucking weird. But now that I'm finding out that you're doing the tickling and that makes you hard, what is it about tickling a girl that makes you hard? Great question, Tony. When she squirms. Yeah, the part where she's like, no, no, please don't. Yeah, that's most of my relationships with women, so it seems accurate. It seems period accurate. Let me ask you this. I asked you what it takes, what you think about to make you hard. Here's a question I've never asked you before. Is there something that you think of when you're about to come too fast, and you think of that to try to stop yourself from being so overly excited?

2:13:34Brian Redban:Hans Kim. I usually try to think of the woman that I'm making love with and what she would want, and I'm like, she would want me to come now.

2:13:48We'll be right back. I feel like taking a break. Wait, Hans, do you and the guy chit-chat during the... All right, I don't know what I'm trying to ask. But you guys, I mean, is there... You know, there's dirty talk, right? But if he starts to talk, do you go, oh sorry yeah you go ahead or like yeah i think there was a moment where we did like we did that exact thing um i forget like why but um yeah i think we made like hey you can take the bottom i'll take the top um and then it was just like yeah she was like making noises she did it with me which was kind of concerning oh no were her noises better with you than with him like did you Do you take it personal?

2:14:31Yes. He was getting better noises.

2:14:38Amazing. Were you guys like talking or looking at each other? No, he wasn't trying to look at my... Were you like, can you sign me up for the mic later? I was looking at his dick. You were? Yes.

2:14:52Brian Redban:How was he not looking at you if you were looking at him? He was just like head down, task at hand. He was a very... And your dick was like boba tea over there, like in the mouth. Yeah, it was like boba tea. It's chewy tapioca. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Okay, was he a white guy or a black guy? White man. Okay, right. By the way, I don't think any girl has ever been like, yeah, Hans, give me that chewy dick.

2:15:21Brian Redban:Wow. My goodness, Hans. You are amazing. Anything else you want to tell the beautiful people of Houston, Texas? Um, I bought a van for$13 ,000. That doesn't work. I wasted$13 ,000. I love your city. Wait, what do you mean you bought a van? I bought a Sprinter van, thinking I could make it a Van Life van, even though I already have a van. I just bought a stupid van for no reason. What made you do that? I was looking at my old van. I'm like, this van sucks. And then, you know, one of my friends was like, you should just get a new van. so I just got a new van, but it was a shittier version of the van.

2:16:00What if this is what he and me and the other guy were talking about when they were double-teaming the girl? I bought a second van, did I tell you? Oh, sorry. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle.

2:16:10Brian Redban:Hoo-chee-coo-chee-hoo. Wow, so one could call you Vans Kim. Yeah, I have the Vans logo as my logo. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, that was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim. That was Hans Kim That was Hans Kim That was Hans Kim That was Hans Kim Alright ladies and gentlemen It's been a hell of a show This is your final Bucket pull of the night How about one more time For Heidi and Val everybody You can check out their podcast Love on the line at HeidiRegina.com Follow the band on social media Follow Adam Ray He's on the You Is Me tour, going to Vegas at the Wynn and everywhere else. AdamRayComedy.com, KimCongdon.com, and follow her at Kim Congdon, C-O-N-G-D-O-N.

2:17:04Brian Redban:All right, your final bucket bowl of the night goes by the name of Devin Callahan, everybody. One last Houston bucket bowl.

2:17:18All right, how you guys doing? Yeah, I'm Devin Callahan. Callahan like Dirty Harry. Yeah, I see your face confused. He's like, I remember Dirty Harry. He wasn't this dirty. What the fuck's wrong with you? So, yeah, so, uh, I figured out, not to bring it down, and not talk about death, I figured out the afterlife. I got it. There's two types of ghosts. One ghost, full-body guy standing under a light. Hey, it's my grandfather, probably smoking a cigarette head to toe. It's a ghost. Second ghost, you just get like a little haunting thing and it's just like no legs or nothing, just feet up, like feet gone, knees up, and they're just running around like, Their second type, those are the motherfuckers, they died of diabetes.

2:18:09Yes. So, it turns out in the afterlife, you don't get your feet back. It's like a punishment. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. I need some friends. I need some new friends. I was chilling with my homies, and we were on a road trip, and I was like, hey, man, I'm getting kind of tired. Let's pull into somewhere. And I saw a hotel, L-A-Q-U-I-N-T-A, and I told my homies, hey, let's stay at La Quinta. Right? And they started laughing. They were like, ah, this fool crazy. It's La Quinta, foe. It's La Quinta.

2:18:47Brian Redban:Okay, was that the end of the joke? No. Okay, finish it. And so I was telling them, no, LaQuinta is the chick that works at the front desk, but the establishment is LaQuinta, right? Like, so. Absolutely. Devin Callahan making his Kill Tony debut, right? Yes. You live here in Houston? Port Arthur and Beaumont. I stay in Port Arthur. PA day! Oh, look at that. All right. Can you say the N-word there? Yeah, but no, no, I don't want to though. We're nice, we're nice people. You don't have to. Yeah. You don't have to say it. Okay, Devin, what do you do for work? I play piano, I play keys. You're a professional piano player?

2:19:30Brian Redban:Yeah, yeah. Really? How long you been on that for? Like 20, 20 years. 20 years? Yeah, I'm alright, I'm alright, I'm alright. Really? Yeah. That's amazing. I don't think we've ever had an actual piano player on this show before.

2:19:47Brian Redban:You guys want to hear him play some piano? Fuck yeah. John D, the band leader, normally doesn't share his piano with anybody. He's a tough cookie. He's old school. A lot of musicians don't like sharing their instruments. And I know how it is, bro. And he knows how it is. But now that he's saying, oh, see, all he had to say. Wow, John D. All he had to say was, I know how it is. I get it. And then look, he broke John Dees' little heart. Here he is. Look at this. Look at this. Couple cousins just giving handshakes. Oh, yeah, don't play anything copyrighted. It's got to just be kind of like your own, like, original jam.

2:20:23Brian Redban:John Dees? This my uncle. Oh, shit. All right. Uncle Devin in the motherfucking hisy-housy. Won't say the N-word because that's not nice. See, that's how I think they should all be. All right.

2:20:45Oh my god.

2:20:53This is what Hans was listening to during his double team.

2:20:57Brian Redban:Keep going, keep going. I'm going to sing a little song. When I'm in Houston, my favorite kind of pub is gastro. I cheat like I'm an astro. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep playing. Keep fucking playing, dumbass. Keep playing. Oh. Ooh. Ooh, I put my finger in an electrical socket. He played fucking music. In an electrical socket. More shocking than a wind from the Houston Rockets.

2:21:45There's traffic all over this shit-hole town.

2:21:51Brian Redban:And there's no real live entertainment to be found. Cause all the artists moved to Austin Or even Boston Or anywhere to get lost in Cause art doesn't exist in Houston But you can wash it down with some Aquafina There's some left from Hurricane Katrina Stupid Stupid How about one more time for Devin Callahan on the keys? Wow! That's how many hits clip on the phone! Shut up! I'm riffing, I'm just goofing around. Me and Adam used to play with the great Jeff Scott at the comedy store. We were the only two guys that used to rip with him, rest in peace. We lost him during the pandemic because he got COVID and AIDS at the same time.

2:22:47Brian Redban:Alright, Devin, anything else crazy we should know about you before you go? What's the biggest white lady you ever impregnated? I hadn't had a chance yet, so... I'm just saying. I don't know if you saw Jasmine Flowers earlier, but there's a black woman that makes no sense whatsoever when she talks that really needs to be dicked down. Oh, I met her. I saw her. Yeah. Nah, I'm... I'm okay. I'm okay. Welcome to another episode of Nah with Devin Kapp. Is there a white lady that wants to be impregnated right now? Yeah, of course there is. That guy just hit his wife. Of course. Devin, thank you so much.

2:23:29Brian Redban:There he goes. Devin Callahan. You're the Puerto Rico. You're the Puerto Rico guy. Thank you. Thank you so much. There he goes. Devin Callahan. He just realized who I was, everybody. Hey, wait. You're the Puerto Rico guy. There's a joke book. See you later. Ladies and gentlemen, like I said, Saturday nights are hard. on this show. We have created so many superstars that a lot of them were booked tonight in their own sold-out shows around the world. However, I was able to secure the man who I think is one of the fastest young rising comedians in the world. You see him every week writing and performing a brand new minute.

2:24:13Brian Redban:At one point he was recognized as the dark storm of Atlanta, Georgia, and now he is the dark storm of Austin, Texas. I present to you the future. This is Dedrick Flynn.

2:24:37FUSION!

2:24:43Oh my God!

2:24:53And we in the South.

2:24:57This feel like the South. I love Houston. It's like a big-ass Atlanta. My favorite Houston rapper, Pimp C.

2:25:10Pimp C once said something that meant everything to me. He said, nigga, I ate so much shrimp, I got iodine poison.

2:25:23Now, Pimp C is known to live his raps, and I'm gonna tell y 'all, that ain't shit that nigga researched. That happened to him. That nigga woke up in a hospital, and then the doctor was like, your blood levels with iodine. You're about to die, Pimp C. He said, is somebody trying to poison me? He said, no, I don't think that. Let me think. Mr. Pimp C, do you ever eat a baller amount of shrimp? He's like, hell yeah. He said, how much shrimp do you eat? He was like, I don't know about this much. This much money is how much shrimp he eat. I've been chasing that iodine poison in my whole goddamn life.

2:26:12Thank y 'all so much, he said, I like, yeah!

2:26:15Brian Redban:Deadrick. Flair. Hell yeah, buddy. How's it going, Deadrick? Man, them niggas mad at me for getting drunk in New York. Oh, Story Wars. Which is crazy, because what else? It was 17 degrees, nigga. I got a drink at least to be warm. It costs$100 to breathe in New York, nigga. I got a drink. I had to take a$130 Uber to get from New Jersey all the way to Brooklyn. Nigga, I'm gonna drink. I had seven Long Islands. Nigga, I was in Long Island. We call that a panchee. Preach. Keep going. Keep going. For the love of God, keep going. There's nothing but stairs in New York, nigga. This shit, I got lost as a motherfucker on the train, nigga.

2:27:08I'm gonna drink. I'm a country boy, it was too cold for me to be up there, I don't know that shit. I thought I was in a New York state of mind. I thought in New York it's supposed to be hard, but when a nigga drink hard, y 'all get upset. I thought we was having a party. If you came from where I came, you'd be in Paris getting fucked up too. I'm probably going to...

2:27:41Brian Redban:Fuck yeah. My goodness gracious. Come on now. Unbelievable. Dead jerk. Have you been around Houston a lot? No, this is my first time in Houston. Wow. I love y 'all. I love y 'all. hell yeah houston loves you as well deadrick this is amazing uh would you like to tell the people what you got today on the way here yeah i just got this new bucky's gold chain because that matt right was talking about i gotta match my teeth these chains these other changes fake as though they like 30 on amazon but they are gold colored You know, I have so much Bucky's stuff. It is incredible. I have blankets. I have mugs.

2:28:38Brian Redban:I have magnets. I have so much Bucky's merch that it's incredible. And every time I stop at one, I obtain more. However, I never even knew there was a case with gold necklaces in it. They walked me to it when I got in. I put on my jewelry just to go to the Bucky's, you know. I don't even know how you found that. It called out to me, Tony.

2:29:06I went to go buy some Bucky slides at first, and then as soon as I touched the slides, it said, you got to match it with a chain. Yep.

2:29:13Brian Redban:Yep. Absolutely. Dedrick Flynn. What's been going on in life, buddy? Other than that. That New York bullshit. It's no big deal. You got to remember, only 1.2 % of the Kill Tony fan base watches that show. Yeah, but that was nice to me when I was in Brooklyn. You do drink hard though, right? Like you, you, you are a big drinker. Yeah. Yeah. I'm from the South. Yeah. We make moonshine. Yeah. Y 'all make hunch punch out here. We'll make that cold liquor out here. I thought we was in the South. I thought we was in the South. I said, do we get our drink on when we get our paycheck? Do you know none of your business what I put in my body?

2:30:00What's in my cup is in my cup. If I want to drink a liquor casserole because it makes me feel good, that's what I call Long Island's a liquor casserole.

2:30:11Brian Redban:I'm getting word. Your preaching is going so hard in the paint that Jasmine Flowers just had her diabetes cured. now i've been i've been cut i cut back sometimes because uh but that wasn't even really me on the show because i didn't even have my grill because when i went to go check in my new york hotel the hold on the card was more than i had on my debit card so i just left my grills with them niggas are you fucking kidding me is this a real story yeah i didn't i didn't want to wear grills on story wars so that really wasn't even me for real that was just dedrick flynn that wasn't a dark storm you know i'm saying you know you ask for the storm i bring the storm you know i gotta be a tornado sometimes tony let me off the leash you're the one putting yourself in chains buddy yeah that's makes it hilarious on the last day of black history month we'll be right black we'll be right black i love it tedrick um is there anything else crazy we should know about before we put a ribbon on this damn thing?

2:31:15Brian Redban:Man. Why you come to Houston? Huh? Why you come to Houston? Why you come to Houston? Why you come to Houston? Why you come to Houston? Because I fucking love this place, and I heard great things in rap songs. Why would I not want to come to Houston? If Kill Tony's in Houston, I'm in there. If Kill Tony's in Dallas, I'm in there. When Kill Tony's in Austin, I'm in there. And when Kill Tony go back to New York, bitch, I'm in there. We're not talking about love and shit We in the sand Nedrick Flynn The dark storm of Austin for tonight is the dark storm of Houston

2:32:00Brian Redban:A little fun fact everybody and tickets are not on sale yet but we are coming to on October 17th save the date We are doing a Kill Tony in Sugar Land here at the Smart Financial Center October 17th. So you could put that in your little calendar. We're coming back. Whole different show. Whole different fucking everything. What else? Did you guys have a great night tonight?

2:32:35Brian Redban:We did too. I know some people tonight are gonna be partying out at the Colorado which is owned by some friends of the Kill Tony family So there's a little heads up there And we love you guys band play a little music one more time for Adam Ray everybody Adam Ray comedy calm Kim Congdon calm make some fucking noise for Kim Congdon everybody Let's see what Chris Rogers drew tonight everyone Whoa, that's a good one. Ooh, look at that, a little Miami Vice. They're skinny. I love it. How about one more time for our golden ticket winners and regulars, Enrique Chacon, Colin Sledge, Uncle Lazer, Young, Hans Kim, and Dedrick Flynn.

2:33:25Brian Redban:We love you guys. Red Band? Guys, I love you Houston, Houston Lap Stop, Sherlock's, Laporte, Pexet. Love you so much, guys. We love you. God bless Houston, Texas, and God bless the United States of America. We love you. Thank you. Good night, everybody.

2:34:12Thank you.

2:34:37so

2:34:45so

2:35:14We'll see you next time.

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2:36:12Based on 2025 Consumer Choice Awards from Kelley Blue Book, visit KBB.com for more information. Hey, I'm Josh Spiegel, host of the podcast Lunatic in the Newsroom. If you enjoy journalism that drifts into mild panic, wild overthinking, and a guaranteed nervous breakdown, Lunatic in the Newsroom is for you. It's news like you've never heard before. The only newsroom with a panic button. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and gasp in horror as the show spirals completely out of control. It's not just news, it's emotionally unstable. Lunatic in the newsroom. Listen today.