#774 - JOE DEROSA + MIKE FINOIA

19:36Plus, it's super easy to set up on any device. It literally only takes minutes to do. You can even keep your existing number and add teammates as you grow. So there's no IT, no hassle.

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20:36Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. How we doing? I'm a father. My daughter was getting cyberbullied. I didn't know what cyberbullying was, you know. You know, I had... Growing up, I had a real bully, you know. I wish I would've got hit with emojis. Instead of getting hit in the fucking face. You know, I got teased before I ever went to school. Somebody come up to me like this. Otis, you're big-headed, you're black, you're ugly, and your mom doesn't love you. Now go to school, son.

21:11My dad once said I'd bully your sensitive bitches. And growing up, I saw this 10-year-old with, like, an iPhone, 10 years old. When I was 10 years old, I didn't get no iPhone. My dad just bought me an iPatch.

21:26he said here become a pirate here's a treasure map so you can find your real dad my dad was an asshole and that's pretty much all i got thank you guys exactly a minute from otis hicks welcome otis hell yeah where are you from el paso texas el paso yes you still live there Yeah, I still live there. You born and raised there? Born and raised there. Wow. Chicken and tamales, man.

21:54Brian Redban:Man, I drove through that place. I'm gonna drive out here, and holy fucking shit, man. It's really something else. It is something else. Nothing like it. Far from everything. And I'm half Puerto Rican, by the way. Oh, shit. Gets worse. So I'm half black. Yeah, I'm a black Rican. God, you'll take my wallet and then blow the money on gold chains for New Year's. Pretty much. It's pretty accurate. Incredible. But when you made that joke during that roast with Puerto Rico and stuff, I mean, that's my family, but it is slightly accurate. It's a lot of garbage there. Very accurate. Yes. It was spot on.

22:29I wasn't calling the people garbage. It was an island made of garbage. Thank you very much. Very important. Very important to not listen to the mainstream media. Joe DeRosa. How long have you been doing stand-up? About 10 years. 10 years. Yeah, man, because your writing is good, man. I really admired how you would start with one thing and then hop off of it into the next thing. Like, for instance, the eyepatch thing. Yeah. You got to laugh on eyepatch, and then you were like, oh, I can spring into, what does a pirate do? Treasure map, real dad. That's good, man. Yeah, yeah, it helped me out a lot.

23:01My dad being an asshole and a drunk helped a lot, too. That's true? Yeah. Unbelievable. It was, yeah.

23:11Stereotypes. Yeah.

23:13Brian Redban:So I'm guessing the mom's Puerto Rican, right? Yes, right on the head. Absolutely. Right on the head. And Otis, what type of work do you do for a living? Well, I'm a security guard, but the thing I was doing before, I worked at a sex shop. Ooh, what were you doing there? I was selling dicks. That makes sense. I could see how your people would be good at that. Yes, yes. That's what I was doing, selling dicks. Amazing. So it was mostly women that would come in there? How would you feel when a dude like me would walk in and go, hey, what do you got for this fucking gaping asshole? I'd be like, I'm good.

23:49I'll give you the 12-inch of the Darth Vader. I'd be like, there you go, Tony. I love Darth Vader. Fuck yeah. Take me to the dark side. I love it. Shoot your Sith on my face. Tony's like, but guys are allowed in there too, right? Guys are allowed in there. Hell yeah. Yeah, those rooms in the back and all that stuff. Of course. I've been there. Like I said, I drove through once. I had to stop off in the gay backroom, you know what I mean? La, la, la, la, la, la. Anyway. How old did you say you were? Me? I'm 34. 34. Yeah. A security guard. You're in good shape. You look like jog DMC. Pretty much, yeah.

24:27A run DMC. Yeah, man. I work out, man. You're in good shape. Plus, you work at a sex shop and you mop up man jizz. You know, you kind of get kind of strong at this.

24:36Brian Redban:Amazing. Now, where's the place you're working security now? Uh, Sun City security. It sucks, but I work it. Well, I mean, but what type of gigs, what are you standing in front of exactly? Mostly like restaurants, like Chico's Tacos and stuff like that. Is there a lot of misbehaving at Chico's Tacos? Yes. What goes on there? Give us an example of what type of mess you're cleaning up nowadays. Basically, it's like tomato juice, tamales, and usually Cholos fighting in the parking lot. I have put together a lineup for you to pick the criminal out of. It's the horn players over there. Okay. Which one of these people?

25:14Which one of these people commits the most crimes? I'm going to say that guy. Oh, yeah. Of course. Automate. Of course. Filled with testosterone.

25:24Brian Redban:Carlos Sosa on the saxophone. Famously, famously. Nothing but trouble. Otis, what do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? You're 50-50, or as you call it, fitty-fitty. What do you think is the most Puerto Rican thing about you? The Puerto Rican thing about me, I love mangoes, and I like drinking coconut juice straight out of the coconuts. That's Puerto Rican enough. Okay. You call thick white women mangoes now? Is that the new term? Yes. Yes. All right, Otis, my next question. What is the blackest thing about you in this game? The blackest thing about me is that I had an alcoholic dad.

26:02I wanted him to leave but he stayed so that's how I became really funny because of him what was his drink of choice was it Henny of course how'd you hit it on the head because I study different cultures a lot of people think this is a game yeah by the way I would say his dad staying is the white is the ever yeah

26:26hell yeah amazing

26:32Brian Redban:I love it so you've been doing it 10 years in El Paso yes sir come to Austin just for this yes amazing how long of a drive is that it's about eight and a half hours but it was definitely worth seeing all you guys I gotta come do it man very funny dude we did it very funny we love it it was amazing especially after a guy that drove 19 hours with fucking nothing at all. That was awesome, Otis. Here's a legit black joke book for you, my friend. In fact, I'm going to give you the I Love P.C. one. There you go. Boom. There you go. Otis Hicks making his Kill Tony debut, ladies and gentlemen. You got to love it.

27:10Eight-hour fucking drive paid off. Amazing. 19-hour drive, eight-hour drive. And now I know that this happens to be one of the funniest door guys here at the mothership. These guys sign up every week. You know what I mean? With this many names in the bucket, it's very hard to get pulled. And I always love the ones that sign up, you know, instead of fucking, you know. You could easily become bitter watching a show like this where fucking people don't prepare. And now they're in front of millions of people. These guys work all the time. Very funny man with a brand new minute. He's been on the show numerous times before over the last five years.

27:46Make some noise for Adam Lucky, everybody. Here he is.

27:54Pretty good day today. I had a homeless guy come up to me and go, hey, are you trans or retarded? All right, you guys usually ask for a dollar, but I'll fucking take it, I guess. Whatever, dude. Put some fucking pants on first, dog, before you gotta throw some heavy hypotheticals at me. Then I thought about, like, trans or retarded? What's the difference? Like, come on. Where my repubs at? Come on, get them out of our bathrooms. Freak shows. No, I want them in the bathrooms because I like jerking off to watching them shit. So I like that. I like black people too. Sorry. I think they're chill. I have black friends.

28:30I lost one though. I said the M word in front of him. He got pretty mad. He's like, you can't say that. I was like, but I was singing it in a song. He's like, yeah, but you were singing happy birthday to me.

28:49Brian Redban:You got ten seconds left. If you want to do another one, we'll call off the cat and the bear. You're crushing it. Yeah, I went to an all-black high school. That was hard. Did not make the sports teams. I'll say that. I made the swim team because I could fucking swim. Absolutely fucking perfect. I mean, holy shit. That's what it's all about, dude.

29:15Brian Redban:that's what it's all about. You see these guys on episodes from many years ago, the Vulcan days, if you will, and everything in between. And absolute shocking growth time and time again for the return people that we don't get to see all the time. You're here in Austin. People get to do four, five, six, seven spots a night, kind of like how New York used to be, or maybe for some people is. But you're doing it, dude. That's unbelievable. Yeah, no, my life has gotten, like, fucking awful, so I've gotten a lot funnier. Yep, that happens. Trust me. Things are the worst they've ever been, but I've been crushing it, so...

29:52I don't need you, wife. I'm glad you're gone. I'm not. I miss her so much. Whatever. I get to live with my mom now. Suck it, bitch. Spaghetti for breakfast!

30:06Brian Redban:Party time. Your wife left you? Yeah. Wow. When did this happen? About a year ago. It was pretty much the worst a divorce could ever go. Because she works at a comedy club and I ran shows there, so I don't get to do that anymore. Wow. It's all good. Spaghetti, it's all good. Come on, we were having fun. I'm not. Someone's got to laugh. Which club? Can you say or no? Is that too much? I don't know. I've said it on the show in the past. It doesn't matter. At all. Yeah, no, I don't want to. Why? Were you going to fucking make a pun or something? No, no, no. I was literally just curious what club it was, but then I was like, you probably shouldn't say that.

30:45It's also fully my fault. She didn't do anything wrong. She fucking rules.

30:48Brian Redban:What would you have said if it was called the Chuckle Hut, huh? I would have said, is she trans or retarded? What's the difference? I wish. I could have tricked her into staying. I'll buy you goosebumps. Come on. Adam, lucky. I love it. So what have you been doing to soothe the pain, other than just pure stand-up, which it's obvious that you are in the zone. I actually got sober, so I've been doing a lot of just, like, in-80s and stuff. Hell yeah. You're still sweating like you're on pain pills, but we'll take your word for it. This is the sweats that come after. I'm still in withdrawals. It's been nine months.

31:27Brian Redban:Wow. Don't do Kratom. It fucking hurts. Yeah. Yeah, that's for real. We don't read Kratom ads. we probably lose out on what many would consider vast sums of money by not reading creative ads. It's a thing that people, everyone that I've noticed that does it was addicted to something, and they're like, I'm on this new thing that's not addictive at all. And then they continuously do more and more of it all the time. And they're like, it makes my bad memories get deleted. They're like, I was addicted to that terrible thing. No, I just do this. It deleted my bad memories and my wife. Amazing. Not recommended.

32:06It's the zen of heroin. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I was doing the capsule. So they have like synthetic, like they take the shit out of it that makes you hide. Like the powder is bad, but it's not like life ruining. But then they have these pills you can take that it's just like, they call it gas station heroin because that's what it is. It was just fucking, it was brutal.

32:24Brian Redban:Amazing. Oh, there's one fan in the back there. So you do nothing now? Not even like psychedelics? I've drank a couple times since, but I mean, for the most part, pretty much nothing. I smoke cigarettes. Hell yeah. Yeah. So fun. A lot of scratch-off tickets. Huh? A lot of lotto tickets and other shit. No, I have no money for that. I'm about to lose my car. Graffing. I wish. I love it. Adam, what's your living situation like? I'm really living with my mom right now. Oh, really? She lives here in Austin? No, it's an hour and a half away. Fuck! Yeah. God, that fucking sucks. Yeah, it sucks. God damn.

32:59Brian Redban:That's one fun. You just work here and hustle a comedy? I work here. I do Uber Eats, and that's pretty much it. I do that pretty much every day, so I have money to see my daughter, and that's it. So you got to drive 90 minutes. You drove 90 minutes? Mm-hmm. By the way, take notice, everybody. The shorter the drive time gets, the better the comedian is. That is right. That is right. Very obvious. That's a great point. Whoever walked here is going to murder tonight. An hour and a half every day you're making that trip? Yeah, it blows. You know what we're going to do? Red Band has an extra room in his condo here downtown.

33:35Let's fucking do it, dude. Come on. Look at that face. For your mom. For your mom. I'll suck you, dog. I will fucking suck you, brother. I got nothing to lose. I'll get gay. You know what? I'm going to upgrade you because Tony has a better second room. No. It is. All right. I would love to have you on the secret show next time you can. That's a consolation prize if I've ever heard one. It's been a long time. Here's another big joke book. Adam Lucky, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, that's what it's all about. Fucking watching people get better. The only show that shows you that process in the history of comedy is here.

34:16Kill Tony, brought to you by Shopify, Tacobas, and Saley. And your next bucket pool, ladies and gentlemen, goes by the name of Clay McLaren, everyone. Here we go. Play McClaren. Damn, that is way too high for a midget like me.

34:39Yeah, that's bad. So, I had to down a bottle of Listerine just to get the courage to come up here. But don't worry, my shakes have almost gone. I had to stop by Bucky's, hit on some of the very fine fat Latina ladies. They are beautiful. Tortas, as they're called. Yeah, I gotta help myself to some pulled pork, if you know what I mean. Yeah, gotta get up in those beaver nuggets.

35:28but I like the black girls too. Got to get some of those burnt tips going.

35:35Brian Redban:All right, I love you all. Clay McLaren, now by my measurements here, I'm going to guess that you drove about 12 hours to be here. Close. Really? No. Drove five. What? Five. Five hours to be here. That's absolutely incredible. What type of crazy show is this? Everybody that wants to do comedy is moving here. Meanwhile, tonight's bucket paying off fucking gas bills over here, making up for the war in Iran. Joe DeRose. Every out of everything that you said that was disturbing, the most upsetting thing to me was, I also own that shirt. Oh, yeah, you did. Which one? Damn it. That blue shirt. Yeah.

36:26Target? GameStop? Yeah. It was on the clearance rack at JCPenney's. Okay. Well, you somehow downgraded from Target. I didn't think that was possible. Yeah. It's hard to do that. Wait, I have some actual comedy advice for you, though. You got to move the mic stand. You can't stand behind it, man. You got to move it to the side. Take the mic out of there for now. Take it out and move it behind you.

36:52Brian Redban:Move the stand. I didn't want to fuck with your stage. Move it behind you. Okay. It's your stage when you're doing it, man. This is his first time around electricity. He's the Amish fat guy. Very exciting for him. Five-hour drive in a horse and carriage to be here tonight. And those horses were working overtime, I'm telling you. That's a big boy. Big little Amish boy. I like those tortas oh my goodness look at you what are you 21 58 what are you somewhere in between no I I turn 31 next week 31 incredible what do you do for work Clay McLaren I work at a comedy club wow incredible are you banging the owner lady Are you Clay?

37:43Brian Redban:Look at you. You got a guilty face. I've come close. Wow, really? What's his name? All right. Yeah, stupid. You work at a club? A comedy club? Yeah, the comedy club. No. No. Punchline? Who wants to? I was going to ask if he was trans or retarded. Oh, my goodness. What is the name of the club? It's Punchline Houston. Wow, okay. All right, good answer. Clay, what do you do for fun? You seem like the kind of guy that has hobbies galore. I don't know about galore. You know, anything that a regular Amish dude would do, fishing. It's been a couple of years, but I used to go hunting a lot. Hunting for what?

38:39Brian Redban:for all the right things. Wow. Extra creepy answer. Yeah. Clay, what's your love life like? Are you out there just fucking smothering girls? I mean, when I'm not hitting on women and berating them at Bucky's. What do you mean? Are you being serious? Stop trying to be funny. I need real answers out of you, Clay. No. You think you're nervous? I'll make you fucking nervous. Yeah, yeah. I'm nervous as shit, but no, no. I was talking to a girl at Bucky's today. What did you say to her? Give me your opening line. What was she doing? Like looking at the different nuts and stuff? Right? Something like that?

39:16No, no. I noticed that she had an engagement ring on. I said, if you ever want to get re-engaged, you know, just hit me up. That was your line? Oh, yeah. Re-engaged? Yeah, just overtly forward. Wow. Really? And then what? And then she looked at me like the way you're looking at me now. Yeah. And something tells me you were shaking like this when you said it. Yes, yes. Actually, I was a lot more chill.

39:47Brian Redban:Did you have anything in your hands at the time? When I'm in Bucky's, my hands are always full. I end up having to grab a basket, but I do it too late. What did you have in your hands, Clay McLaren? Nothing. I just went in to take a piss. Wow. So it was extra creepy then, because you're just a guy standing there with nothing, no purpose at all. in a world where everything is fun. I mean, I can't stop buying things there. I want to buy everything at a Buc-ee's, and you're just empty-handed. Contributing nothing at all. Hey, you want to get re-engaged? I see you're the only woman here that's promised to another man.

40:22Just an ether rag. Hello. Welcome to the amazing world of Clay McLaren. Yeah, well, if there's any Tortas in the audience. Oh, my God, dude. Clay, stop it. Kias or Tortas? No, stop it. Very good. Very good. You're making Red Band hungry over here. I'm going to put you back in the kiln. You're going to make Red Band have a low blood sugar attack. Stop talking about nuts and tortas.

40:45Brian Redban:Okay. Clay, when's the last time you were with a woman? When's the last time you had sexual intercourse with a woman? I have to absolutely know. I can't imagine in my head. You still have a lot of her pubes stuck in your beard. I can tell you that, right? A few months ago. Yeah. Okay, where'd you meet this gal at? In a cemetery. Wow. Okay. Okay, so how long did it take you to dig her up?

41:13Brian Redban:What do you mean you met a girl in this cemetery? You gotta paint the picture for us a little bit, Clay. You go straight to the craziest answers ever. I hit her up on an app. She said, I'll suck your dick in a cemetery. What app is this? Uber Eats. Mike Benoya has arrived to the Kill Tony universe what app is it it was either Bumble or Tinder one of those I almost slipped up it definitely wasn't Bumble that's the one where the girl has to message you first it was Timber the one where you get a Hey, it can turn in a grinder real fast. Whoa. Okay. No. So Clay, this lady out of nowhere said that she wants to suck your dick in a cemetery.

42:11Brian Redban:Then what happens? Got my dick sucked in the cemetery. Wow. Quite the storyteller, ladies and gentlemen. Unbelievable. Could have said anything in the world. Jumps right to the end of the story. Very Tarantino-esque. Telling you the end first. And now, let's find out. Did you have to open a gate? Did you drive right in? Did you do it in the parking lot? It was open. There's like a driveway. So did you do it in your car? Yeah. Okay. So it was kind of like a driveway, open gate, and a parking lot. And then she got out of her car and came into your car, or was she already there? I'm not sure if I'm breaking any laws right now.

42:50You already did.

42:52Brian Redban:Okay. Well, no. Definitely not. She hopped in. So you name her name and her address. You're not breaking any laws. No one believes you, by the way. So you're okay. Out of all the sex stories ever told, you getting your dick sucked in a cemetery, almost impossible. By the way, they got security at the taco place where the other guy works? Nobody's guarding the gates of this fucking cemetery to stop some abomination shit like this from happening? What the fuck is going on? It's where my great-grandmother is buried. Whoa. Whoa. This is turning into a goosebumps book.

43:36Brian Redban:Jesus Christ. No, this is a true story. Clay McLaren, I'm going to get you out of here. You are the first person leaving with a medium-sized joke book. Congratulations, Clay. A big victory. A five-hour drive for Clay McLaren. A night of long drives, ladies and gentlemen. An hour and a half being the closest bucket pool out of four tonight. Here's number five. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Javi Berlong. Javi Berlong. Let's go. Howdy, motherfuckers. How you doing tonight? I don't care. Fuck yeah, let's do this. I got a minute. So as y 'all can see, I'm clearly a bottom. Oh, I see bottoms here tonight.

44:25Fuck you guys, dude. I see a lot. No, but I gotta be a bottom. I'm too fucking fat, bro. I gotta be a bottom. Imagine me being on top. My girl, she's like four feet five. If I'm on top of that bitch, my arms are gonna be out. That bitch is dead, dog. She's dead, dude. I'd rather be up here telling you guys jokes instead of asking you to help find my GoFundMe for that bitch. I'd rather do that. I'd rather do that, bro. It just sucks being fat. It sucks. For example, I bought a new belt. I bet you can't see it.

44:56Titties, titties, titties. Can you see my fucking bell? I doubt it. I got a new bell. I'm serious. I'm not lying. Blue eyes. I'm not lying, bro. I never lie. Aria, brand new. Just bought the shit out of the Buc-ee's. Just bought this shit on the way over here. I hate that shit, bro. No, but I actually feel grateful that I'm doing this, dog. Because I'm gonna do this when my girl blows me. I swear to God. And it's heavy, so she better make me come fast, bro. Otherwise, I drop it in and slap her. Peneja, no! No, you hurry up. You make me come faster. Javi Ballon, ladies and gentlemen, with his full set.

45:32Welcome, welcome. How are you? Good, brother. Hell yeah. You look sexy in person. Holy shit. I wish I could say the same about you, Javi. You are a big nasty boy. You know what I mean? He's like my wife, too. I love it. I love it. Let's check in with the boys here. Slow down. Yes, sir. No, no, no. Slow down a little bit. On eating. I'm sorry. On eating. Slow down your eating. Slow down your eating. I love that, too. But no, slowing down, slowing down will help you in different ways. It'll help the audience understand what you're saying a little better. Hell yeah. It'll help you not spill chili all over your shirt.

46:04I mean, it's unbelievable. That's what I was going to say. Barbecue, buddy. It's barbecue. Jesus Christ. I went to Terry Black. My... Yeah. We love Terry Black. I got fucked up. NFL, I took a nap before I got here, bro. Terry Black's fucked. It fucked hard, bro. Yeah, real talk, though, bring a show shirt. Yeah. Always wear black. No, the fatties got my back. Huh, boys? There's a couple out there taking up multiple seats.

46:28Brian Redban:Javi, what part of San Antonio are you from? I'm from El Paso, which is San Antonio. Whoa! Another El Paso guy. Another one. Otis was the first black guy you saw in El Paso. He's the only one in El Paso. You guys drive here together? No, we're touring right now. You're touring? Yeah. Oh, okay. So you guys are just swinging through Austin, doing other shows, right? Yeah, I gotta show the Vulcan later if you guys wanna go. I promise I'll talk slower and then we'll have a better shirt. I promise. Alright. Hobby. Amazing. How long you been doing stand-up? Four years. This year. Four years. Yes, sir.

47:05What else do you do? I make sketches about, like, bean and stuff. Uh-huh. That's, like, legit what it is. A lot of people relate to it and it's fucking dope.

47:13Brian Redban:You make a living doing that? Yeah, dude. It's awesome. The beans love me. Very good. Are you getting bigger? Like, are you... Where's your weight? Now I'm comfortable. Now that I'm talking to you, I'm comfortable. So I just let it out. I love it. Have you ever zipped that vest before? Never, dog. Can we try? Can I get a drum roll, please? Let's try it. I need help. I need help. No, come on, Javi. Just try. I want to see what it looks like. All right, ready? If I come, I'm sorry. Javi, do it. Just do it, Javi.

47:43Hold on. Give me a little trombone here.

47:54Oh, my God, he's trying to suck it in. This is epic. Ew!

48:03Hell, yeah. Can you breathe? No, I can unzip that thing. Unzip that thing. You're going to take someone's eye out. Oh, my goodness gracious. That was the look of a man that has never zippered anything ever. Yeah. Hell, yeah. That vest was working extra car hard. Does Carhartt know that you're... No, dude, I'm the most unemployed Carhartt wherever, dog. I'm coming in Stolen Valor right now, bro. I got to chill. It's the only thing that fits, clearly, dog. Fuck yeah. The best clothes.

48:31Brian Redban:Barely. Barely hanging on. But they do. Carhartt sponsored me. It's amazing. Dude, you sound like an even more coked Uncle Lazer. Yeah, it is. Honestly, from the barbecue, I had to do a blow. I had to do a bump before I got on here, dog. Did you really? No, no. No. Okay. I'm not sitting here. That's all it is. Whatever. Okay. Do you ever put your finger in between that neck flap there? You ever finger that? I get all the grease out and then just leftover food, dog. Leftover barbecue. Hell yeah. That's why I spill a lot. Javi, what's your love life like? I'm with a lady for 12 years. Female. Sorry, bro.

49:09Female. All right.

49:10Brian Redban:12 years, yeah. Okay. What does she do for work? I just got her out of work. She was like a JCPenney, but I make enough money. JCPenney, our second JCPenney reference. I didn't even know JCPenney's was still over. There's like two JCPenney's. That's four JCPenney call-outs this episode. Fun fact, if you place a bet, if you placed a bet today on DraftKings that JCPenney would be said four times. If you bet one dollar on that, you just won$17 million. Fuck yeah, dude. That is the odds of four JCPenney references happening in one episode. Javi, what's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you in your life?

49:47Brian Redban:this man is awesome other than this oh yeah okay i'll give you a good one um i knocked out a guy on tour i was peeing next to him he didn't want to be next to me because he thought it was gay it was in austin too what'd he say i didn't hear one of those words that all became one black helicopters i think that was the first ever stand-up heart attack that i just went i uh i fought a guy i had a show in austin and i was peeing and he didn't want to pee next to me and he got mad and he just punched me because I didn't finish fast enough. I drank a lot of beer. He punched you? Yeah, because he pushed me, so I punched him.

50:21Uh-huh. Fell asleep, and I was like, fuck yeah, I got that shit. I didn't know I had it. Wow. I didn't know I had that, and yeah, one guy. The jack guy here, fuck. Yeah. I mean, I might have a lot more, but I'm nervous, dog. I don't know how to think about it. I got molested when I was like nine. Okay, let's talk about that. He was a family friend, and then he bought me shit afterwards, so I didn't give a fuck. I was just going to say,

50:47Brian Redban:my next question was, is how does food connect to this? Did he literally give you candy afterwards? No, it was Hot Wheels and the little homies. If there's Latinos out here, then the homies. The homies? Yeah, he bought me a pack of 12. Do you have a mic, Michael? Can you explain what a little homie is for us? This is our senior Latino correspondent, ladies and gentlemen, Michael Gonzalez. So our little action figure, Cholos. I think I'm blocking them. Hold on, I'm sorry. Check, check. Can you hear me? Yeah. So little homies are little tiny action figures of actual Cholo people. Like little Cholos.

51:18Yes, little tiny Cholos. Yeah, little Cholos, yeah. And this is a true story. Our senior fat correspondent was jumping in in my pocket here. Yeah, it's a little action peek. They were the supermarket in my neighborhood where I grew up. They had homies in one of those machines that was the quarters, like the gumball. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's right. And there was a homie that was in a wheelchair. Oh, yeah. Really? Because he had been. You know what? I'm going to give him a golden ticket right now. Where is this little homie? Okay. I got shot in a drive-by, apparently, and I spent$10 and quarters to get the wheelchair homie.

51:49The homies were very progressive back then. Before it was popular, hell yeah. They loved everybody. Did they come with little accessories like pineapple soda? Oh, we didn't have that much money, dog. It was just a pack of 12. They had a little car, a little Hot Wheel car. Badass. I just stayed quiet because it was dope. Oh, my goodness. Amazing, Javi. Well, congratulations. You did it. You got a big job. Oh, yes. There you go, pal. Javi. Good job, Javi. Thank you. Ballon. Thank you. Chorritos and burritos. Javi Ballon has arrived to the Kill Tony universe. All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's switch up the tone a little bit in here, everybody.

52:29We have a regular who does a brand new minute every single week. It's diabolical to do that in your career publicly in front of millions of people. Very tough job to write a new minute every week. Ladies and gentlemen, he was once the dark storm of Atlanta. Now he's the dark storm of Austin, Texas. This is a brand new set by Dendrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen.

52:59Guys. No, I love you guys. Life advice, relationship advice. If you love a girl, if you seriously love a girl, stay away from the girls that don't like her because they'll pick out a flaw to ruin your entire relationship. Last year, I thought I was going to marry this girl, Brittany, and I went to my best friend, Emily, and I was like, I think I want to marry Brittany. And she said, uh, you mean that giraffe neck bitch? I was like, she ain't got no giraffe neck, so I went to Instagram immediately, and I started scrolling, and I was like, damn. She do got a long-ass neck. She even got, like, freckles on her neck.

53:51It look like the spots, like, on a giraffe.

53:56She do be deep-throated, you know what I'm saying? Like, she do, like, effortless. Why she eating salad in every photo? Bitch, a herbivore. Also, this is just one picture. which it don't get to you right there. You kind of barrel it inside you and then you get into a fight and it come out and she's like, I don't understand why you can't take out the trash. I'm like, I don't know why I'm dating a zoo animal, Brittany. You know what? You've been a real bitch since you lost your job at Toys R Us. Because Jeffrey, Toys R Us, is real good. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

54:45So we broke up. That's about time. I love y 'all. Thank y 'all. Dedrick, boy. One minute, 53 seconds.

54:55Brian Redban:Doing more than he has to almost every set. Dedrick, you've done it again. Very, very funny. Millions of people watching. How do you feel, Dedrick? I feel so fucking good. I have such... It feels so... Thank y 'all so much for coming and loving me and all the nice shit y 'all sitting to me online. Y 'all giving me gifts all the time. I don't even ask for them. That's how me and Mike ended up with these bobcat tails from the street with. Oh my God. I get slingshots sent to me. I get a, they got an automatic slingshot they're sending to me. It's got like a clip and when you put it in, it just like, you can just keep fucking a nigga up.

55:34Oh wow. Just fucking a nigga up. That's fine. Oh boy. Don't do crime around me Order boneless wings if you want to One in the neck, nigga Grow up You know what I'm talking about, Tony? I know exactly what you're talking about I did, however, look out at some white people in the crowd Looking very confused This woman in glasses here, now smiling Now turning it on Uncross your arms, I don't like your energy Alright? Just fucking have fun, we're talking about slingshots Grow up Looks like the type of lady that probably marched in a Black Lives Matter rally, but now that there's an actual black man in front of her, just looks confused and scared at the same time.

56:18Brian Redban:Seems like it would really hurt if you shot someone in the neck with a slingshot. I wouldn't personally do that because, like, I think passive... Fuck you, dude. Yeah. I'm just playing. I love you, but, like, your attitude... You can cross your arms. I'm still... You paid to be here. I'm paid to be here. That's true. That is true. I'm just playing. I don't like that. I don't like that. That's not me. I don't know who that was. I don't know who that was. That is not me. Hold on. Hold on. We're supposed to get paid to do this? Yeah, no. What the fuck? No way. What the fuck? No way, Jose. No chance.

56:56There's like an age thing on there. He only pays like the young comics. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. We always talk shit. We're not doing it. You promised we weren't going to do this. I'm sorry. I know. I don't know who this is coming out of my body. I don't know what I'm doing. You get real mean. I'm not David Lucas. I am not. I don't do this. We need an exercise. I love your new glasses. Your outfit looks amazing. Your skin is glowing. Are you doing karate? You look good. Are you doing karate? I love that you got fronts put over crooked teeth. Yeah, yeah. You didn't get the teeth straightened out.

57:27You just said, no, just put it the way they are. You don't have back teeth, Joe. I didn't know that. I don't have back teeth. Your shit is rotted out in the back. and we've been talking about it. Don't do this. You're doing it. I don't even want it. An hour from now. Oh, D-Madness is back. Oh, yeah. I brought in a special guest referee for this battle, D-Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Don't fuck me up, Joe. We're friends now. This is what he does. He's going to be blacked out at the bar an hour from now going, you know I love you, dude. You know I do. You know I love you, man. I'm going to do it.

58:02I do do that. You say I'm blacked out. By the way, that is true. That's 100%. That will be happening. Go to Mitzi's. I'll apologize to Joe in front of everybody that's there. That do be happening. With the great Dedrick Flynn. We always have fun wrapping it up at the end of the night.

58:25Brian Redban:What else is going on, Dedrick? Anything else crazy? Mitch, I'm going to L.A. Yes, we are. We're going to do the Kill Sonny in L.A. I got shows coming up in San Antonio, Houston, Orlando, Miami. And then, bitch, I'm headlining the festival in Okinawa, Japan. Daddy Worldwide! Wow. I'm getting arrested in Japan. Wow. That is amazing. I'm trying to join some fucking ninjas and shit. Holy shit. Yeah. That's a real gig you're doing? Yeah. When are you going to Japan? Uh, end of May, all throughout June. I'm doing, uh, Hansei's, it's his festival out in Okinawa. Oh, no. He asked me to come headlining, and I said yes before he could stop, because I really want to go to Japan.

59:14Wow. My nephew actually, but my nephew's getting born in Japan from my adopted Japanese sister, Gracie. She's having her baby in Japan, so the day I land, I get to go meet my new nephew. What's Gracie's Instagram? You...

59:27Brian Redban:Red band. Red band. White dad. White dad. You watch yourself before I fucking love you harder. All right? I love you guys. See, I'm not even roasting anymore. What am I doing? You're amazing. Dedrick, we love you too. I love you! Great new one minute, 53 seconds on the great Dedrick Flynn. He makes it look easy. He does this every week. Some of these people, this is their first time on this or that. They wait for years. Some people 10 years. Some people five. This, that. He has to do it every week. Unbelievable. Like your next bucket pool, we will figure out what's going on here as we meet them all together.

1:00:05Brian Redban:Make some noise for Brock White Lions, everybody.

1:00:14Yeah, what the fuck is up, Austin? I got a hot wife, believe it or not. And if you don't believe it, then fuck you. I pulled it off, and you can too, despite my average looks. below average bank account. I got a hot wife. You just gotta follow these easy tips. Tip number one, find you a gorgeous girl with gross feet. My wife's feet are disgusting, y 'all. But I suck those toes. I know they ain't the only thing between me and some ugly bitch in open-toed shoes. Tip number two makes people uncomfortable, but it's the best tip. I'll give it to you anyway. Everyone's bragging these days. they got their animal from a shelter adopt don't shop i got my woman from a woman shelter

1:01:07i don't get enough credit for that

1:01:16thank you such a funny joke there at the end somehow i've never heard anything like that that's incredible how long you've been doing stand-up i'm in like maybe two and a half three Three years. Nice. Where at? Lafayette, Louisiana. Hell yeah. What do you do for a living out in Lafayette? I work offshore, so I don't... I mostly live out there, and there's no open mics. What are you doing? The oysters? The shrimp?

1:01:41Brian Redban:What do we got out there? What type of stuff happening out on the bio? Nah, I'm getting... I love it. Let's go. And when I say let's go, I mean G-E-A-U-X. You know what I'm... Yeah! I don't know. Oh, you just got to give me chills, dog. I like it. I work in the oil field. I work offshore, so I get oil for the cars. Nice. Chicken with Mike Fennoya here. You haven't blinked the whole time up here, and you've got... That's kind of our thing. That's part of our culture. We don't blink a lot. What culture is that, zombie?

1:02:19I was just trying to not be phased. Actually, I'm freaking out right now. You killed it, bro. That's the truth. Wait, what? I normally like to blink. I blink, dog. I swear. But you got... Every time you blink, I'm gonna blink. You got eyes like manhole covers. Thank you. My mama used to say that, bro. What does... I know. I taught her it. Yeah. Joe DeRose. What does that... Why did you keep saying I work offshore? It means I work not on land, but in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Yeah. There's oil. There's oil under the water, too, Joe. There's oil underwater as well. We're on shore. Hey, you know where the shore is?

1:03:00Off shore. Off the shore. Like, say this is the shore. We're here. He's there. Hey!

1:03:09Well, let's just say we now know Joe DeRosa is not trans. That's it. But he is retarded, everybody. Wait, all of the oil under the water. All of the oil under the water. You said you were off shore. under the oil under the water you fucking twat fuck you fuck you also also tony for the record offshore they say joe de rosa is trans whoa look at that time to get offshore for you you love getting sucked off I love getting sucked offshore sucked offshore that really blew up in my face I thought I had him with the offshore thing I was wrong Yeah, you made them look. They didn't like you until they found out.

1:03:59What's that? They would like you until they found out. That makes perfect sense if you're coaching the football team that the water boy played on. Doesn't he kind of look like a relief pitcher from like 1986? Oh, yeah, for sure. He looks like one of those relief pitchers that they play like Metallica for when he comes out and all the lights go up. And now pitching for your Detroit Tigers, bro. Rock white lions

1:04:27Brian Redban:It'd be Wu-Tang though not a metallic all right, so let's Brock Let's talk about what type of shifts when you have to go offshore is that for a long period of time at a time? So when I'm lucky yes, it sounds like 14 and 7, but sometimes I'm poor because I got a lot of time off Seven. What is that? Fourteen days offshore. There you go. Seven days on shore. There you go. And then you do that again and again and again. Yes, sir. If I'm lucky. What's your love life like? You got a girl waiting for you? I'm married. I got a hot wife, like I said. Oh, yeah, that is true. You did say you have a hot wife.

1:05:00Redban should follow her. That would make her night. Redban's trying to do the math on when you're gone 14 days right now. Trying to figure out your next shift so that he could slide into her fucking Louisa. Hey, do you think comedy is funny? Because I work in the comedy business. Have you heard of the JRE? Guess who started that? I had told Joe what a podcast was, and then he's like, let's do it, buddy. She'd be lit. She'd be pumped. I'd be proud, whatever. All right, what is it? All right, relax.

1:05:33Brian Redban:Come on. All right, so Brock, how do you trust your wife around all those black men in LA? That's the question the world wants to know. I chose this outfit is, you know, to compete with the competition. You know what I'm saying? Really something else. Even D Madness said that's an aggressive shirt. A Goblins Away jersey. Shout out to the Goblins, though. Yeah, shout out. Brock, what's like the craziest trouble you ever been in? You ever get a little bit rowdy out there in Lafayette? Yeah, I've been in jail a few times. For what? Let's rattle it off here. I mean, DUIs, drug possessions. I did some burglies, but I got away with those.

1:06:12Oh, let's talk about it. I love finding out. This is a new thing on this show. I love finding out when people get away with things. I love finding out. I got a case waiting for me right now in Lake Charles.

1:06:23Brian Redban:A what? A DUI case. Oh, okay, a DUI. Let's talk about the burglaries that you got away with. What exactly did you rob? Well, we didn't get in, so. Who's we? You and one of my friends? They had one teacher. This is a set. How many friends? Like maybe three. Okay. I'm ashamed of this. I'm not proud. Right. She was a rich lady, so she volunteered taught. She didn't even get paid. Yep. But she invited us to her house, and she was like, yo, don't touch that pillow. It's$1 ,000. Uh-huh. And me and my friends were like, yo, her pillows are$1 ,000? Yeah. And then she went on vacation, and she told the whole class she was going on vacation, so we tried to break in, but she had good alarms.

1:07:04Yeah. Yeah. People with thousand dollar pillows normally have... Only thing better than her pillows were her alarms. And so we ran away and then she said a prayer for whoever broke into her house in class a week later. Oh, my God. And you had to pray along with it for your own healing. Yeah. That's incredible. That's not really getting away with it. No. Getting away with it when you got the pillows and didn't get caught. Well, there was other ones where we broke into these houses and we thought we were going to get drugs, but we couldn't find the drugs. So we just turned their whole trailer upside down.

1:07:41Did you find the drugs? No, no drugs. Wow. But I got away. Did you take a couple pillows? I didn't get in trouble for breaking into their house and looking for shit, so I feel like that's pretty good. Let's check in with Mike Fennoya. What are you going to wear to court for this case? I see you're wearing this. Hey, that's true sleep. Leave this tuxedo t-shirt. Your Honor, it's the Goblins. They won this week against the banana team. It's a goblin shirt with a tie? I had to assign my wife to buy me a court shirt. And so she sent me stuff on Amazon, and I picked one. Amazon court shirt? It's my court shirt, y 'all.

1:08:17And y 'all can get it when I beat this case. Anybody can have it who wants it. So let's talk about it. Let's do a little run through here.

1:08:24Brian Redban:It's good to sometimes they do this for court cases. So what exactly, you're being charged with a boat DUI? Nah, I don't, believe it or not, I'm from the city. Oh, okay. I'm from Lafayette, which is more urban. I don't fuck with boats. My grandpa was a rice farmer, but that was... A rice farmer? Yeah, crawfish and rice. So he had boats. I love it. Absolutely. But I grew up in the city, no boats. Uh-huh. So it was a driving one. Right. And it was a Kia. A Kia DUI, I guess, you know. A driving one. Uh-huh. And I was doing a show in Lake Charles, and Lake Charles sucks. There's nothing going over there.

1:09:01They were lucky I was there. And I did a show, and I had a couple drinks, and I'm pretty responsible. How many is a couple?

1:09:08Brian Redban:Five or six, seven? No. It wasn't even a lot. I'm pretty reformed. I'm married now. My wife's straight. Sure. But what's a couple? I know it's on two. I mean, the case is pending, but... Just a complete dude. Please let your lawyer do the talk. After maybe like June 13th, we'll talk about it. You know what I'm saying? Okay. But seriously, though. All right, I'll tell you because I love you. Probably like five, six drinks. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

1:09:41And so when, did you hit anything or they just lit you up? No, they pulled me over for not using my turning signal. Oh, these motherfuckers. There's not enough crime in Lake Charles, y 'all. Yeah. Well, that's a good way to let the officer know you're drunk. It's called your turning signal. Turning signal? What's it called? Did you offer him free season tickets to the goblins? Turn signal. Ah, I thought it was turning signal.

1:10:06Brian Redban:No, don't say that in court. So he got you for the signal. Lights go up. You're like, oh, fuck. Did you have any drugs on you or anything? Yeah, I had some weed, but it was in a pink grinder. It was my wife, y 'all. Okay, that's okay. Did it smell at all? Did he smell that? Yeah, he smelled the alcohol because I panicked when they pulled me over. Uh-huh. Oh, I'm going to get... It's great. Keep going. Keep going. It's coming out. This is coming out after your court case. This is not admissible. I threw it out on the floor. Wait, you were drinking while you were driving? Jesus Christ. People go, what's up with Tony in these interviews?

1:10:45Why does he go on and on with these people? What is he looking for? Why? Get him off stage. It went on too long. get to the next bucket bowl and then you find gold my friend you were drinking while driving and your move when you saw the police lights it was oh you throw it around the car yes absolutely it's unbelievable if that was in a comedy movie people would be like well nobody would fucking do that. And meanwhile, here we are. You're like, I shouldn't say, Tony. I got a case coming up. It's so fucking real. God, this show is amazing. It is. And you are completely stupid. It is unbelievable.

1:11:35Out of all the DUI stories in 13 years on this show, I don't think it gets better than, oh, fuck, man. I'm just going to smell this alcohol. I got to get rid of it. Well, I didn't want him to find him. There's no way he's going to take a sniff of this empty cup in the cup holder. By the way. No evidence, dog. They don't have shit. Hold on. There's no way, by the way. You tried to play it off like you had three drinks. Nobody's drinking the third drink while they're driving. You're drinking the 15th drink while you're driving. It was the sixth, like Tony said. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm spot on.

1:12:08I can tell when a person thinks they're behaving. Singles in a double glass, so you get more water. It's also Louisiana. Three drinks could be like three hurricanes. Like, you literally drank a yard of rain. Sir, why is your passenger seat blue with power pedals all over?

1:12:23Brian Redban:I only had about six meters of drink today. You were making the wrong decision at every turnings. Yeah, but I hired a lawyer. He's drinking drinks called alligator jizz and fucking voodoo juice. I was having some of the guava goblin juice. Next thing you know, this cop's telling me I didn't use my turnings.

1:12:47You can't arrest me. I'm offshore. You're on land right now, sir. Yes. Let's go. Is your wife's name Cosmo? Yeah, Cosmo Elizabeth. I already know her. I already know her. How's that possible? What's going on? What's happening? Explain to the people. instead of pretending like you're something. She just sends me a lot of messages. All right, dog, whatever. Oh, you looked up his Instagram like a real fucking creep? All the black guys from there, she's picking Redman. That's insulting. Does she spell Elizabeth with an S? Yes. Because it's on his arm, and I want to make sure that it's actually spelled that way.

1:13:27Oh, my God. Right there. That's my girl, Elizabeth. She's beautiful, though. She is beautiful. Okay, Redman, for the love of fucking God. It's in Wu-Tang font, Tony. I can tell. Because two things are forever. What are they? Wu-Tang and Elizabeth, dog. Wow. Wow. The immortal Elizabeth. She's never going to be in a graveyard while a fat Amish guy's getting his dick sucked. She's going to live forever. Just like the Wu-Tang. Cash definitely does not rule everything around you. That's one thing with its first name. Yeah, work offshore, you'd be surprised. I know. Well, Brock White-Lions, very, very fun set.

1:14:06Very fun interview. We like your style. Come back, sign up again sometime, all right? There he goes. The Kiltoni debut of Brock White Lions, everybody. Oh, la, la. Oui, oui, oui. Les incompetents. Pepe, le puke, la mayonnaise. Dijon, la mustard. One more time for the lovely Heidi. Back to the bucket we go, everybody. Your next comedian goes by the name of Megan Knights, everyone. Here we go.

1:14:44My husband and I are going through couples therapy. It's kind of like a threesome for people who hate sex. It's weird for me. I live in Texas where therapy's only okay if it's to heal a bone or stop being gay. My husband thinks I work too hard. I'm a health and fitness coach. Looking at the people here in Texas, I'm obviously not working hard enough. My husband's an underemployed musician. Now I'm doing stand-up on a podcast. We're basically trying to Austin each other to death. He's one of the few people who's been both a go-go dancer in a gay club and a country western singer. Unless you count the guy that shows up at Lindsey Graham's house in different outfits.

1:15:26He actually tried organizing a stand-up show once, but it was just like when we have sex. Nobody came.

1:15:34And yet, he still recorded it.

1:15:41Brian Redban:Megan Knight. 57 seconds. Megan Knight. Knight or Knight? I guess it doesn't matter. Megan. What? Welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? Approximately 56 seconds. First set ever. I love it. Seems like you and your husband are going through it, huh? How long have you been with this guy? About five years. Okay. Where'd you meet? Facebook. Okay. Wow, five years, Facebook. All right, you guys are 70 years old or something? Yes. Amazing. What does he do for a living? He is a musician. And what do you do for a living? Health and fitness coach. That's right. Okay, you mentioned all that. Is he like a good musician?

1:16:27He really is, yes. He's a vocalist.

1:16:29Brian Redban:For a famous band or something? Not, I mean, to me, yes. To you, yes. Eventually, yes. Are you sure he's not struggling at all being a musician? I did say underemployed. Wait, so yes? Yes. So you're the main provider in the relationship? No. You make more money than him? Equal. Equal. Seems low. A low amount of money. He pays our rent. I love it. Where do you live? Here, in Austin. Hell yeah. For how long? About three years. Okay. What made you want to start stand-up here tonight? Just make fun of your husband. As part of your therapy or something? One of his goals for 2026 was to do stand-up, so I had to beat him to it.

1:17:24I love it.

1:17:24Brian Redban:Wow. This is amazing. I've never seen anything quite like this before. Amazing. Megan, what's the fattest person you've ever had to pretend like you're going to make their life better? that showed up to you and was like, move on fitness and health. Oh, gosh. Like, real talk? Yeah. Probably 300 pounds. What were you able to do with it? I didn't know what you read, Ben, went to you. So proud of you for trying to get help. What were you able to do? Did they lose any weight or did they not show up on the third training session? I'm guessing. I bet they do two. He ended up quitting and went on a GLP.

1:18:04Brian Redban:Oh, I bet that's happening a lot lately. Is that messing up your business as a fitness trainer? Just fat people just injecting themselves in the neck with fat stuff? Honestly, no. Typically, my clientele has like 30 pounds to lose and you still need the foundation. And what exactly do you tell them to do? Tell Redband what exactly. How would you recommend Redband losing 30 pounds?

1:18:33I don't know.

1:18:34Brian Redban:He's been on, I'm not kidding you. He's lost six pounds in two weeks. Is that right? Hold on. Hold applause. Let me tell you the diet he's on. This is true. I'm not kidding. I'm not joking. He's been exclusively only eating. This is how bad he was eating before. For the last two weeks, he's lost six pounds by only eating sandwiches, everybody. He's on the sandwich diet. And it's working. His body cannot believe the amount of health pumping through his veins. My mentor Jared had a thing go on.

1:19:16He told me this the other night in a bar. He told me this the other night in a bar, and he's going, I just ate sandwiches, and it's working. And it was literally like talking to a guy going, I don't have a problem, as his nose was bleeding. It's like red bandit. It's not okay. It's literally like the Kratom. It's like the Kratom people going, I'm off of heroin. Yeah. I'm doing great. Sandwiches only. You want to go do some provolone in the bathroom? I love it. What's the bread of choice that you're going with for the other fat fucks? Where's my sourdough baby's egg? Come on.

1:19:52Brian Redban:Sourdough, ladies and gentlemen. You don't do that anymore. Megan, what kind of food would you recommend for fat people listening? Is nutrition your thing too? Are you mostly just like pumping pink weights like that or something like that? Oh, pink weights. Come on. And why do you think Austin, you're joking, you think Austin's not healthy? Because I feel like Austin's like one of the healthiest cities ever. There's so much hiking and fucking fitness here. Honestly, I think. Are you insane? Yeah. The side dishes here are white bread and pickles. For you, pig. Because of all the vomiting. He doesn't have a side of white bread and pickles.

1:20:39That's part of the main meal. You can't have a side of bread and pickles when your entree is bread and pickles.

1:20:47Brian Redban:Losing weight from only eating sandwiches. And everybody goes, what were you eating before? He goes, so much fried food. So it really is. He's upgrading by only eating sandwiches. So there you go. One day, very soon, it'll just be me up here. And I'll be doing sound effects and time going, oh, I can't handle all this pressure. Oh, what's your girlfriend's Instagram account? Fart noise, fart noise. No, I'm kidding. He's going to outlive me, no doubt about it. Look at him. He doesn't look at you. Oh, Megan. I like your bangs. You have, for a first time stand-up, you had very good jokes. All things, like seriously, it's not an easy thing to do.

1:21:34You had some good jokes. Just next time you do it, memorize your jokes because you're not going to get out of your head or out of your own way if you're reading off a paper. And then also when you're new, it looks like you don't give a shit. I'm not saying, I don't mean that critically. I mean it constructively. Like if you memorize your jokes, you'll get looser, they'll hit harder, and you're going to get even better.

1:21:56Brian Redban:People were seeing you glance at the paper, the big piece of paper. You could have just even written it on the inside of your wrist. I see some bad tattoos there. You could have just etched them in. We would have thought it was part of your tattoo, and then it looks kind of normal. You could just give a little glance. You could have snuck it. And tell the punchlines to the back of the room. You were kind of looking down almost like you were coily. But it's your first time. But how did it make you feel? You did great. What was unexpected about your first time? The lights are brighter than you expected?

1:22:26Maybe a little. Like, you can't really see a whole lot going on over there. It's better that way. It is better that way. Deep Madness, do you agree? All right. So much fun. I know. I know. Same old joke every goddamn time. I'm sorry. No, I had it all memorized. I just, you know, stayed trite. I'm going to black out. I just forget everything.

1:22:45Brian Redban:It happens. Well, your first time has officially happened. Here's a little joke book coming out. Oh, great catch. hard throw on my part. Megan Knight, everybody. On to the next one we go. Make some noise for your next comedian, everybody. It's Layla, everyone. Here comes Layla.

1:23:09Hello. Hi. I should have peed earlier. I can't say. Don't you think that Nike's slogan just sounds a little passive-aggressive? Because I remember hearing it the first time. It was when my husband and I, we were fighting, and he said to me, if you spit on my mother's photo one more time, bitch, I'll divorce you. so go ahead he said just do it

1:23:51I did it worked he divorced me this slogan actually works every time I use it one time my close friend texted me at 3 a.m. at night he said no one loves me I'm gonna kill myself tonight I was very tired that night sleepless it was the first day of my period and I said listen man just do it you did thank you Layla welcome Layla hello hi hell yeah you're doing it you are shaking and

1:24:37Brian Redban:Yes. How long you been doing stand-up? One year. One year. Where at? Where you been doing that at? It's mostly Coal Town Theater, honestly. Where? Coal Town Theater. Open mics there. Oh, okay. Place, okay. Yeah, and it's a Velveeta room. Okay. So you're doing it here in Austin, Texas. Where's that accent from? Where are you from? I am from Azerbaijan. What?

1:25:04Azerbaijan. it's next to Armenia and Armenia, Georgia, Turkish what's it called again? huh? say it again Azerbaijan okay, alright Parmesan it's the south Parmesan delicious country it is wild this is like, I would watch Borat and I'd be like, come on, that's not real

1:25:40Brian Redban:So what made you want to start stand-up a year ago, Layla? It's very simple. I'm a woman, and I dated a man. He was a stand-up comedian. We broke up. And I don't have any identity, so I was like, I'm just going to do what he did. Yes.

1:26:06Wow.

1:26:09Brian Redban:Unbelievably honest answer from Layla. You're such a genuine person. I think it really helps your entire everything. The hello, hi in the beginning. You took your time. You should have peed before this. Made you very human. You connected with the people. It seems like you have a great fundamental understanding kind of of how comedy works. Oh, thank you so much. I'm on my period right now See what I mean? Right The vulnerability The realism of it all Absolutely incredible Are you like this when you're not on your period? I look angrier when I'm not on my period Wow, reverse People from Azerbaijan are different Azerbaijan When they're on their period, they're happier She's what?

1:27:02Thank you, Red Band Man, absolutely crushing tonight. Talk more, please.

1:27:08Brian Redban:Jesus fucking Christ, dude. Isn't there a wacky fucking Middle Eastern sound effect that you can think of? Jesus fucking Christ. Layla, what do you do for a living? I make dildos. No, you don't. No way. No way.

1:27:33No way this is true. I should have peed before.

1:27:42What do you mean you make dildos? Because I buy dildos. So I mean, this makes us a perfect couple, Layla.

1:27:51Brian Redban:Yeah, I'm... You make actual dildos? Yeah, yeah. In a factory or at home? Well, I sketch them. Draw dildos. Yeah, yeah. Do the outline for the dildos that are made? The new ones that are going to be made. You are the designer of dildos? Yes. Holy shit. Oh my god. Wow. Seems like a hard job to be original. It's crazy. We went from talking about sourdough and pickles. For a Muslim girl, yes. And now it's dill dough. And sourdough with pickles, dill dough. What are the odds of that? If you had that at DraftKings using the promo code KILTONY, you just made$9 billion. So how many dildos do you think you've designed?

1:28:41It's 20 maybe. Wow. Yeah. It's actually easier to design fantasy dildos. You don't have to see any dicks or anything. You just fantasize about them because you haven't seen them in a long time. So that's how I make them. Wow.

1:29:02Brian Redban:And so there's a printing company or a factory that makes your... Wishes come true.

1:29:14That's unbelievable. Wow! Unbelievable. Oh, fantastic. I know all about it. I work at the end of the assembly line. I get on all fours and they check them in my ass before they put them in the box. And I go, it's good. It's good. It's good. That one's good. That's another winner. Keep them coming. Dream job. Can I commission a dildo? From you? Can I get a custom? Yes, yes. Do you design one that's attached to a woman who used to be a man? Do you need a face, too, to that? Why not?

1:30:04Brian Redban:Okay. Wow. Incredible. What's the biggest dildo you've ever designed? If you could show us with your fingers. Fingers? Length. Hands. Hands, as they're called in Ajpagosh. Gosh. The biggest, like this. Oh. Oh. to there? What are you... Okay. Wow. What was it called? Black. The black edition. Cody, I got Janice's sweet little combo box. It has a big one, a little one, and a small one. They're all black and they pulsate. It's called the Barbershop. I highly recommend it. Very good. There you go. Another unbelievable thing from Red Band who's clearly losing his fucking mind tonight. It's on Amazon.

1:30:53Great. Yes. I believe you. No one gives the fuck, though. Like, that has nothing to do with the person up here and everything that's happening. Very good. Go check out Red Band's dildo plug, everybody. Are you trying to get, like, free ones or something right now? No, I already got it. Just stop. Jesus Christ. He's coming on Gloat. He's on a diet of peanut butter and jellies. Get this man a grilled cheese. Unbelievable. Favorite sandwich. Unbelievable. The Uncrustable Brian Red Band. Uncrustable.

1:31:22Brian Redban:Layla, what's your love life like? You're with no one since you broke up with the comedian a year ago? Is that the gist I'm getting? Yeah, well, I started seeing another comedian after that. And we didn't, it wasn't even a situation ship. It was like a hug me in ship. Like she just wanted to hug. The female? No, he just wanted to hug. He looks gay, yeah. But he's a man. He just, yeah, wanted to hug. and then he said, I'm back with my ex. I don't want to hug anymore. So that was... Honestly... You shouldn't date any more comedians because you're going to be funnier than all of them. That's true.

1:32:03There's going to be a lot of jealousy. That is true. There's going to be a lot of jealousy. It's true. They're just going to drag you down and be jealous and it's amazing. Go ahead, Joe. I was just going to... I think you might have said it already. How long have you been doing comedy? One year. You're really fucking good. Yeah. Uh oh, Joe's trying to be the next comedian Uh oh I need some coattails to ride You need some dildos to ride No, I'm serious You're really, really funny You're off to a very, very strong start You're going to be very good Be yourself, you're going to kill it It means a lot, thank you Alright, Layla, you're leaving here with a big joke book Congratulations, there you go The debut of Layla Everybody buddy.

1:32:50She's on social media. She could draw Q3's pipeline in that notebook.

1:32:57Brian Redban:Her social media is ha-ha-n-ha-no-va. Adam Lucky, who had a great set earlier, is Adam Lucky with an E before the Y in Lucky. You guys still having fun out there, huh? We're coming around the mountain now. We're coming around the corner. Your next bucket pool goes by the name of Mickey Genosi, everybody. Or Mikey Genosi.

1:33:22What's going on, Austin? I've been living here for a couple months now, and I think my favorite thing about Texas is your guys' lingo. Like, I love how you guys call all your thick Latinas tortas down here. You know, because that's just a Mexican sandwich. How have we not started doing that with all of the races? Like, if you hook up with a big Asian girl, you could be like, yeah, I fucked a steam bun last night.

1:33:55I took home a Bond me, you know?

1:34:01If you're talking about a big white girl, you could be like, yeah, Becky was hot in high school, but once she got married and had a couple kids, that bitch is a straight hoagie now, you know? God damn. If you're talking about a big black girl, you could be like, man, this girl didn't look anything like her online profile picture. I thought I'd match with this busty African queen on Hinge, but when she showed up, she was a catfish po' boy, you know?

1:34:27I got one more. Can I do one more? I know it's not a race, but I do have one for little people, so. If you're at a bachelor party and you're like, hey, did you hear? Jake fucked that thick midget stripper last night. You'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, man, you can't say that. It's 2026. You got to be progressive. You know they prefer to be called sliders now.

1:34:52Fuck yeah.

1:34:53Brian Redban:Absolutely perfect. Mickey Genosi? That's correct. Hell yeah. Welcome, welcome. How long have you been doing stand-up? Nine years. I love it. Where at? Cleveland. Whoa. Up there at Hilarities, huh? Yep. Hilarities is my home club. Shout out Hilarities, man. We love Hilarities. Best clubs in the country. We love it. We love it. Absolutely awesome. What do you think, Mike? A lot of sandwich humor. Yeah. You got Red Band. Heart is a rock over here. The horniest he's been all fucking day. So, Mickey, you're born and raised in Cleveland? Akron originally, but lived in Cleveland for like the last five years.

1:35:32There you go.

1:35:32Brian Redban:I was right in between you there in Youngstown. How old are you? I am 32. 32. Okay. Incredible. What do you do for work? I sell mortgage products. Ooh. mortgage products? Yeah, I basically destroy people's equity. That's what I do in their house. Amazing. People in Cleveland that really, really are... No, all over the country. Okay, good. Good. At least we keep it spread around. What's your love life like, Mickey? I was in a long-term relationship, and we tried to do long distance, and we just had to kind of cut it off, so... Yeah, when did that end? A couple months ago. Okay. And what have you been doing since then?

1:36:15Brian Redban:Are you excited about it? Have you met anyone? Have you talked with anyone? Are you on any of the apps? No, I'm just trying to focus on getting booked and everything right now, and I feel like everything else will just kind of fall into place, you know? Yeah, so nothing yet? Nothing here in Austin? How long have you been here? I've been here for about seven months now, so I'm just chilling right now. So you moved here seven months ago? Yep. Have you kissed a girl since you've been here? I have not. Well, let me tell you something. Can we get the red interior lights on real quick? Because we have a segment on this show for the last 13 years called Kiss Me.

1:36:50Whoa, we already got one standing up. Here she comes, everybody. Like a Lucky Price is Right winner, this bitch was ready. Holy shit. Wow, my friend. You are about to get your first Texas kiss. And everything's bigger here in Texas, including the herpes that you're about to get. Mickey Genosi. This is very exciting. Oh, he's putting gum in his mouth. This is very exciting. I gave him a cinnamon. Ladies and gentlemen, his first kiss. Mickey Genosi. Yeah. Get it, Mickey. The town goes wild. Oh, my God. Fuck yeah.

1:37:37This is pill-toning. We are the number one live podcast in the world, and it's brought to you by Shopify, Tacobas, and Zaley. That was legit. That was fucking legit. I gave you a cinnamon, and now she has it. Yeah, she has it. It's amazing. That bitch almost ate your head off, Mickey Genosi. She's signing a waiver right now. Last time a lady came on to do that, she refused to sign the waiver, so we had to blur out, and it was the worst fucking kiss imaginable. She did like a peck on like the cheek and she's like, whatever. She was a lot hotter than whatever that haggard thing was. But you got very lucky there.

1:38:21That is incredible. She's sorry. I don't give a shit, you know. I'm not judging. What? I said I'm into it. I don't give a shit. I love it. Hell yeah, you were doing good. Yeah, you almost got pregnant from that kiss. That was incredible. There was a lot of bodily fluids exchanged. How about what's your... Yeah, they're kidding. She went in the wrong row. He's hot. What's your name, sweetheart? How about a hand for Steph, everybody? Stepping up, being a real team player. She's back with her boyfriend.

1:38:54Some dude's going to be picturing his... When he's fucking her later, he's going to think of your sperm head. He smelled that gum. I just want to say, that guy has hair, too, so she obviously has a thing for bald guys. So that's... She let it rip. Okay, turn the lights back down.

1:39:09Brian Redban:Not him. All right. So, Mickey, how do you feel now? I feel great, man. Hell yeah. You had a great set. You did it all on one subject. Your material's tight. Everything was good. Even earned a little extra time there to finish your sliders joke, which is great. Everything's great. I would shorten the setups just a little bit. Like, you're, like, right there. You know what I mean? You don't have to even do a midget, like, a setup thing. You can find a device. to get to those punches even quicker. I hooked up with a midget girl. She was a real thick midget girl. She was a real fucking slider. Bing, bing, bing, bing.

1:39:44Brian Redban:Just find ways. It's tricky out there when you're on the road and stuff. Again, starting at the store and being around the greats, what you learn is short, short, short, short. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. How do you get there faster? And you have such a great premise. I don't know how many like that you have. Some people like to extend out those one subject bits. but in all reality, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then you're on to the next one, the next one, the next one, because if you can write a minute about sandwich, torta, girl, things like that, then you can pretty much write about anything with that great brain of yours, so congratulations.

1:40:19Oh, thank you, man.

1:40:20Brian Redban:I appreciate it. Here's a big joke book to Mickey Genosi, everybody. It's Kill Tony debut. I'm pretty sure it's all debuts tonight except for Adam Lucky, who ripped the roof off the joint. This is a fun show. You guys having as much fun as I am tonight? I love this. All right. This might be our last bucket pool tonight. Make some noise for Austin Gerstenschlager. Austin Gerstenschlager. Thank you. My name's Austin Gerstenschlager. I, uh... I just realized I look exactly like how my last name sounds. I've been going to the same barber for a while. I keep telling her I want to look more youthful.

1:41:05I think she thought I meant Hitler youthful. No, last time I saw her, I had a mustache. She was like, I think we should just take a little bit off the sides. Go for that Charlie Chaplin, Michael Jordan look, you know? Let's see, I recently moved back in with my grandparents. That's been a lot of fun. No, it's cool. I don't have to pay rent anymore. I don't have to do my own laundry. but the only woman I ever have over now is my grandma. No, it's weird. The hardest part about having a woman over is when the sex gets really loud. I don't have to awkwardly knock on their door and ask my grandparents to be quiet.

1:41:51Alright, that's been my time. Austin Gerstenslager. One of the most fun names to say in the history of the show. Welcome, Austin.

1:42:00Brian Redban:How long have you been on stand-up? Two years. Two years. Where at? San Diego. San Diego. Did you move here or do you still live in San Diego? I still live in San Diego, just here for the week. I love it. What have you been doing this week? Just stand up, just trying to hit mics, eating barbecue. It's been cool. Hell yeah. Absolutely. And you kept it off your shirt. Oh yeah. Hell yeah. Amazing. Yeah, good job. That's a plus. I think you're great, man. One of my only notes, this is just show business thinking, you might want to change your name if it sounds a little ridiculous. Yeah. Good luck getting a business run by the Jews to book it.

1:42:34What do you want to call it? Mr. Gerstenschlager. Yeah, what should he change it to? Adolf? No, wait. Adolf H. I didn't get the bid out. Well, you should have used shorter setups. One thing I've learned from the grades is that if you keep your setups real short, it's what the grades do. Let me do the joke. Let me do the joke, please. Okay, all right. Here we go. Start the clock, Red Band. You want me to change your name because it sounds a little ridiculous, and you might want to change your last name also. Come on!

1:43:08What? I literally, all that and I still don't get your joke. His first name is ridiculous. Oh, got it, got it, got it. Christ, come on. Wow, wow. Sometimes the juice ain't worth the squeeze. Hey, you leave the juice out of it. He doesn't like that kind of thing.

1:43:33Little fun fact for you die-hard Kill Tony fans.

1:43:35Brian Redban:I never make fun of the panelists. So, if Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Louis C.K., or Dave Chappelle are watching, which I know they do sometimes, just know that DeRosa is an exception to my rule. He's one of my closest drinking buddies, and I swear, I will never make fun of you guys. If you're on panel, we make fun of the We definitely make fun of fucking retard over here. But I will never pick on you, Mr. Rock, Seinfeld, CK, or Chappelle. Remember that. Fair enough. But you, you fucking pick. I have a similar role. Oh, yeah? Hold on. Hold on. Let's start the countdown. I usually don't make fun of the host of the podcast I'm on.

1:44:19Except for you, you fucking retard. Okay.

1:44:33we're really good friends we talk on the phone sometimes during the daytime crazy very short he likes to keep it long but i'm always like i got something to do someone's calling me i'm like jesus anyway mr gerstenschlager I love it

1:44:51Brian Redban:What are your parents like? What's the Gerstenschlager family like? I mean, is it as scary as we think it is? Oh yeah, my dad was in prison growing up In prison? Oh yeah, he was in prison growing up He had all the tattoos Wow, he was in the prison Was he working at it? No, no, he was in prison I'm almost 17 He wasn't a teenager at the time Amazing Amazing. Amazing. I mean, I'm really looking at this guy. The eyes, the hair. I mean, this is like literally Hitler's wet dream. You would have been his right-hand man back in the day. I feel like he could play Sting in the police years in the documentary.

1:45:34Brian Redban:How about mom? What's mom like? She's cool. She's cool. She supports you doing stand-up? Oh, yeah. Do you have a real job as well? Oh, yeah. I do IT, basically. Okay. Yeah. All right. You surf? I body surf. Oh, that's awesome. I'm kind of a pussy. I'm not going to really... Well, I'm gay, too. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. All right. Austin Gerstenschlager. Isn't it fun? You guys all want to say it? Let's do it on three. One, two, three. Austin Gerstenschlager. It's fun, right? All right, Austin, you're getting a big joke book. I've run out of them up here. We'll get you one in the back on your way out.

1:46:15Thank you. All right, let's squeeze in one last bucketful, huh? Let's go to overtime. Just one. Your final bucketful of the night, ladies and gentlemen. 60 seconds uninterrupted going to Aaron Helps, everybody. Aaron Helps. Yeah, look at this. I learned this today. They're called unisex bathrooms because you can have sex in them one time.

1:46:47before they escort you out of TJ Maxx.

1:46:53They were very adamant about the second time it was a no-go, you know?

1:47:01I watch pornography. I was watching this video of this lady, nice lady, I don't know, fucking... She was doing nice things to two gentlemen at the same time. I didn't fucking like it. I didn't like a click, you know, dislike, thumbs up. That's just giving that lady too much power. At any point in time, she can be like, you know what? And now I'm a gay guy?

1:47:32I'm just trying to get a blowjob with my best friend. Now I'm into something new? What if she touches me together? It's like jumper cables. It sparks. I come.

1:47:45I'm like, I got to get out of this TJ Maxx. They already do not like me. My name's Aaron Heltz. Holy shit. What the fuck? Jesus Christ almighty. What the fuck are you? Hello. Wow.

1:48:03Brian Redban:Aaron Heltz. Holy shit. Where have you been? Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Wow. Baton Rouge. That's where you live? Yeah. Still? Yeah. How long you been on stand-up? Three years. Three years. Fuck yes, my friend. Good shit. Yeah, you pulled my buddy Brock. Yeah. We drove here together. You guys drove here together. And two different people from El Paso also were pulled tonight. Absolutely an amazing night for a dear trusty bucket of destiny. He's my best black friend. Amazing. Amazing. Aaron, you are so funny. How much material do you think you have of that caliber? Solid 20 minutes. Wow. We got to work hard.

1:48:47There's not a lot of opportunities. I mean, there is, but we got to travel hours to do, like, we got to make shit, like, count.

1:48:55Brian Redban:Yeah. It's a long trip. How long was that drive? I'm happy. Wow. What? How long was that drive? It's like eight hours, I think. Right. Why don't you do another minute? You want to do another minute? One more minute from Aaron House. I mean, that minute was so fucking crazy. I have to see another minute. We gotta see what's going on. All right, me and my wife have been together since we were 15 years old. I'm 30, so it's been too long, actually, I think. Too long. We're the only people we've ever had sex with. So when it came to sex, we were like homeschool kids. We were making a lot of shit up, you know?

1:49:36She's like, I don't think I should be upside down for this. And I'm like, well, it feels good. so we're gonna do that every time my poor wife has scoliosis is terrible neck brace and everything just keep going keep going a little bit more all right

1:50:00Brian Redban:what do you guys think should we have them do a little bit more what the fuck I could ask boring interview questions or we could have a great fucking stand-up do stand-up I get to do whatever the fuck I want. I don't really care. If you wouldn't have clapped, we'd be fucking doing it anyway. Fucking give a fuck. One more time. Here's another minute from Aaron Heltz, everybody. Yeah, lay in. Do it.

1:50:27As a straight white man, I believe that trans porn is the straightest porn. Because, I mean, regular porn's 50-50. You get a woman and a man, that's 50-50. but with trans porn you can play with those percentages you know 60-40 you get a fucking trans woman, regular woman 75 % that's a lot of woman

1:50:57trans man trans woman, you're back to 50-50 you're good but it's like driving in England, it's like you gotta get used to it, you know like the the titties are on the other side.

1:51:19Wow.

1:51:24Crowd goes absolutely wild. Wow. Fucking excellent. Yeah. Wow. Excellent. Excellent, man. That, that, uh, I mean, you came out so strong. I'm a sucker for like a good misdirection joke. They always make me laugh. The TJ Maxx thing was fucking great. It really was, man. And then you just kept getting better from there. And honestly, man, I love that you're like, you're almost like an edgier, like Jeff Foxworthy in the sense that like you have these like edgy jokes, but you say them kind of clean. Don't lose that. Don't lose that. I'm telling you, do not lose that. The fact that you're saying edgy shit, but you're saying it in like a friendly, clean way, that's fucking great, man.

1:52:06That's great. Don't lose that. It could just be the Carhartt and the mustache. That's making it very Foxworth. It's worked for everybody tonight. You're incredibly likable. And it's like, you're like, you got that thing where it's like, I want to hang out with this dude after. You know what I mean? I appreciate that. Yeah, that's huge. Thank you. Just don't hang out with Joe.

1:52:26Brian Redban:What do you do for work, Aaron? I'm a firefighter. Wow.

1:52:33Brian Redban:In Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge. How long you been doing that for? Uh, 10 years. What's the craziest thing that you've seen out firefighting? Oh, man, it's Baton Rouge.

1:52:46I mean, other than, like, the sad, like, gang violence stuff, the craziest thing is I saw two drunk dudes, like, they were super drunk, then they hugged each other goodbye at a bar, and then they got in the same car.

1:53:04Amazing. That's what Baton Rouge is about. Amazing. Just looking at your bro, just being like, bro, we just might not make it home tonight. And that's how Jazz Fest started.

1:53:17Aaron, I find you unbelievably hilarious. And I think you've done Baton Rouge a great thing here today. Ladies and gentlemen, that's the Gordon ticket. And it is going to Aaron Helps, everybody.

1:53:45Wow.

1:53:49Aaron Helps has arrived at the Kill Tony universe. That's how it goes, buddy. Thank you so much. Great interview, great sets, multiple sets all at once. It's one of the first times I think I've ever done that like that continuously.

1:54:04Brian Redban:You handled the pressure perfectly. Funny on your feet. Unbelievably great stand-up. Congratulations and welcome. We'll see you again real soon. That's as good as it goes, ladies and gentlemen. One more time for Aaron Helps. Almost didn't pull him, by the way. Almost went to our final regular of the night. And what a fucking way to finish. I mean, holy shit. That was amazing. Unbelievable. I honestly, no joke, I got a little teary seeing him get the golden ticket. because I realized it meant he'll be selling more tickets than I do in a week. It's true, too. I love it. All right. An episode like this, there's only one way to end it, and William Montgomery is sick, and Ari Matty added dates to his thing, and Timmy No Breaks is saving material.

1:54:56It takes a long time for Timmy to be able to generate the type of material that he does perform. So, boy, do I have good news for you. This regular, I think, is one of the most promising ones we've ever had in our entire fucking history. He's unbelievable. Make some noise. This is a brand new minute from your new favorite comedian in the world. His name is Pat O 'Neill, everybody.

1:55:26Folks! Hitler was born on 420? And boy, did he like smoking J's.

1:56:11A lot of people are on TikTok now. Which just used to be what I said when I saw Muslims at the airport.

1:56:23Times are changing. Last year, my little brother, he was a part of the Queers for Palestine protests. Ah, yes, gay Muslims. Better known as ghosts. Okay, that's it. Yeah, here we go.

1:56:45Pat O 'Neill, I told you he's your new favorite fucking comedian. We're not fucking around here anymore. This is the Attitude Era of Kill Tony. That is the greatest Hitler joke I've ever heard in my entire life. 20 fucking years I've been doing this goddamn shit. Waiting for that. Somehow it's been right there. Mike Fennoya. I've always wanted to see a David Lynch movie do stand-up. And you are in, dude. Holy shit, that was fantastic. It's like terrifying, but also very nice. Just like you. Just like you.

1:57:21Brian Redban:Pat O 'Neill, you are the real fucking deal. I mean, that joke, 40-some seconds of laughter. I thought about just stopping after that, but it was great. It was great that you just segued right into TikTok. You got to laugh off your setup by just jumping into something, which is just fucking great. Thank you. You are a jokesmith. It is incredible. All the way down to the finish. Huge laughs at the opener. Huge laughs with the closer. I mean, you're fucking doing it. You're living the dream, buddy. How do you feel? Oh, fucking fantastic. Yeah. The episode's coming out today. I'm a regular, so. Yeah, we've taped quite a few ahead.

1:58:04For those of you that might not know, we take one break

1:58:08Brian Redban:per year for a few weeks, and that happens late May, early June. So we tape ahead. We get a few episodes ahead so that we can actually take a once-a-year fucking little vacation while also putting out episodes every Monday. So what's amazing is you're witnessing Pat O 'Neill here, but people are finding out about him tonight. Yeah, yeah. On the episode airing right now. But he's killed so many times in a row that it's incredible that by the time they hear this, people are going to go, what the fuck? But then we're going to be back one week behind again. So a little fun fact. Last week, we were talking at Mitzi's after the show.

1:58:52Brian Redban:And right, was it at Mitzi's or was it on stage about the rent? Right? you had to pay your rent and the landlord's like and you're like look I swear I'm about to be famous as fuck I stopped working my job and then they asked for fucking pay stubs I was like you gotta believe me I'm gonna be famous yeah it's funny because it's happening right now in real time on the internet here you are killing again live on one of our final tapings before that big break that we're very excited about. That was great, man. I feel like you're living proof that older comics will bitch and go, you can't do this subject anymore.

1:59:39You can't do that subject. Hitler jokes. It's like you're proof that it doesn't matter what the subject is. It matters how you write it. And you fucking do it. And the venue that you do it in. You could also do an unbelievably great set at a political rally. but it might not get the love it deserved even if it's well written and well delivered. Super refreshing delivery too, dude. Yeah, amazing. Always fun. And I have that shirt. Yeah, when you were at the Phish concert. Yeah, at the Sphere. My whole outfit looked like that for about eight minutes. I love it. Pat O 'Neill, I'm so excited you're part of our goddamn dance that we do here.

2:00:20The Real Neal. Thank you, folks. Ooh, new nickname, the real deal, Pat O 'Neill. Great job. There he goes. On to the next one. And by that, I mean, that's it. We fucking did it. Let's check in with the drawing from Chris Rogers over there. Ooh, it's Heidi.

2:00:39Heidi, after she gets a lot of work done for some reason. I mean, that looks like a fucking, what is that, her in 20 years? The fuck is he doing to you, Heidi? Oh, my God. Jesus, Chris. What the fuck? Patty cake, patty cake. What do you hate? White women? What's going on over there? Brian J. E-Belt's drawing is great. Guys, see Mike Fennoya on tour. How fucking funny was Mike Fennoya's debut? MikeFennoyaComedy.com. He's going everywhere. He's all over. Check out his show on SiriusXM, the Grateful Dead channel. It's called The Saturday Night Shakedown with Mike Fennoya. Mike, you were fucking awesome.

2:01:18What a great first time on panel, dude. Fucking awesome, bro. Thank you. And how about one more time for the best damn band in the land? I'm kidding. One more time for Jotarosa, everybody. Come on. The man, the myth. Plug your stuff. I didn't get to ask you. My new podcast, Violin Horrendous, is out now on YMH. Please listen to it. Get it on my YouTube at Jotarosa Comedy. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Red Band. Thank you, Tony. Thank you guys for having me. Jotarosa's the man. Not only is he one of the great stand-ups in the world. Rose Garden, plug that too. Yeah, my new special, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, is also on my YouTube.

2:01:56Check that out as well. That's a Joe DeRosa comedy on YouTube? Joe DeRosa comedy on YouTube. You guys have to watch that special. If you haven't, go do that right now. I Never Promised You a Rose Garden at Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube. One of the best specials in recent time. This episode was brought to you by Shopify, Tecova's insanely our newest sponsor. We're very excited about Red Band. I'm coming to San Diego July 9th through 11th, AmericanComedyCo.com. We love you guys. God bless America. Thank you. Good night, everybody.

2:02:58We'll be right back.

2:03:20We'll be right back.

2:03:27Thank you.